American legal brilliance

[didu]

Alabama

It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating
a vehicle.

It's illegal to play dominoes on Sunday.


Alaska

A law in Fairbanks does not allow moose to have sex on
city streets.


Arkansas

The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the
Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge
in Little Rock.


California

Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal
for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over
puddles of water.

In Los Angeles a man is legally entitled to beat his wife
with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can't be wider than
2 inches, unless he has his wife's consent to beat her with a
wider strap. Consent should be given prior to the event, as
is carefully stipulated. (I'm surprised OJ didn't try to use
this in his defense.)

San Francisco is said to be the only city in the nation to
have ordinances guaranteeing sunshine to the masses.

The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear
weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within
city limits.

You can be fined $500 if you bother a butterfly in Pacific
Grove, Ca.

In Baldwin Park, California nobody is allowed to ride a
bicycle in a swimming pool.

Los Angeles law forbids hunting moths under a street light.

In California it is illegal to set a mouse trap without a
hunting license.

In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub
at the same time.

In California, animals are banned from mating publicly within
1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.

In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to
have sex without a permit.


Colorado

In Denver, it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your
next door neighbor.

Have you ever had the urge to rip the tag from a pillow or
mattress, despite the warning of dire penalties? Well, it's
perfectly legal now, if you live in Colorado. The Governor
formalized the law by gleefully tearing a label from a
pillow at his office.
"I've been worrying about the mattress inspector jumping
through the window for years," he said.


Connecticut

You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles
per hour.

You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands.

In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards
after sunset.

In Hartford, Connecticut, it is illegal to kiss your wife
on Sunday.


Florida

Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer,
as can the salon owner.

A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on
Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.

If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking
fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.

In Sarasota it is illegal to sing in a public place while
attired in a swimsuit.

Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.


Georgia

It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" in Jonesboro.

In Quitman, it is illegal for a chicken to cross a road.

It is illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin
unless the shades are down.


Idaho

Idaho state law makes it illegal for a man to give his
sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.

In Pocatello, Idaho, a law passed in 1912 provided that
"The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless
same are exhibited to public view."

It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene,
Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and
knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks
that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk
his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes
before getting out of his car to investigate.

Idaho Falls, Idaho: If you're 88 years of age or older,
it's illegal for you to ride your motorcycle.


Illinois

It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs,
cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets.

Kirkland, Illinois, law forbids bees to fly over the village
or through any of its streets.

In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love
while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.

A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should
be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female
counterparts.

According to state law, it is illegal to speak English.
The officially recognized language is "American".

In Joliet, it is illegal to mispronounce the name Joliet.


Indiana

Bathing is prohibited during the winter.

Citizens are not allowed to attend a movie house or theater
nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after
eating garlic.

Monkeys are forbidden to smoke cigarettes in South Bend.


Iowa

Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.

Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't
allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed
with you -- or holding you in his arms.

In Ottumwa, Iowa, "It is unlawful for any male person, within
the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person
with whom he is unaquainted."


Kansas

No one may catch fish with his bare hands in Kansas.

In Natoma, Kansas, it's illegal to throw knives at men
wearing striped suites.


Kentucky

By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or
she "cannot hold onto the ground."

It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.

An excerpt from brilliant Kentucky state legislation. "No
female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within
this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers
or unless she be armed with a club".
The following important ammendment however is to be considered
here: "The provisions of this statuate shall not apply to
females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds,
nor shall it apply to male horses."

It is illegal in Kentucky to marry the same man more than 3 times.


Louisiana

It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller
with a water pistol.

Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault,"
while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault."


Maine

It's unlawful to tickle a woman's chin with a feather duster
in Portland.


Maryland

In Maryland, a woman may not go through her husband's pockets
while he is sleeping.

In Baltimore, it's illegal to throw bales of hay from a
second-story window within the city limits. It's also illegal
to take a lion to the movies.


Massachusetts

Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.

Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed
and securely locked.

An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first
pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one
in public.

Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front
seat of their taxi during their shifts.

It's illegal to have sex in any other than the missionary position.
Giving head is illegal too.

In 1659, Massachusetts made Christmas illegal.


Michigan

In Detroit, couples are not allowed to make love in an
automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is
parked on the couple's own property.

In Michigan, a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair
without her husband's permission.

In Clawson, Mich., there is a law that makes it LEGAL for a
farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.

In Detroit, couples are banned from making love in an
automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle
is parked on the couple's own property.


Minnesota

No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell
of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria,
Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he
must brush his teeth.

In Minnesota, it's illegal to tease skunks. (As if being
sprayed weren't enough of a deterrent.)


Missouri

In Merryville women are prohibited from wearing corsets
because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered
body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal,
red-blooded American male."

Children can buy shotguns in Kansas City, Missouri...
but not toy cap guns.

In St. Louis, it's illegal to sit on the curb of any city
street and drink beer from a bucket.


Montana

Bozeman has a law that bans all sexual activity between
members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home
after sundown -- if they're nude.

Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't
dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least
three pounds, two ounces of clothing.

It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious
crime in Montana.


Nebraska

The owner of every hotel in Hastings is required to provide
each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple,
even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor
may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean,
white cotton nightshirts.

In Waterloo, Neb., barbers cannot eat onions between 7 a.m.
and 7 p.m.

A parent can be arrested if her/his child cannot hold back a
burp during a church service.


Nevada

In Nevada sex without a condom is considered illegal.

In Las Vegas, Nevada: It's against the law to pawn
your dentures.


New Jersey

Lovers in Liberty Corner should avoid satisfying their lustful
urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while
they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a
jail term.

There is no horse racing allowed on the New Jersey Turnpike.

Unless you have a doctor's note, it's illegal to buy ice cream
after 6 PM in Newark, New Jersey.


New Mexico

In Carlsbad it's legal for couples to have sex in a parked
vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car
or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.

Females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public.


New York

In Greene, New York, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk
backwards on the sidewalks when a concert is on.

The New York City Transit Authority has ruled that women can
ride the city subways topless. New York law dictates that if
a man can be somewhere without a shirt, a woman gets the same
right. The decision came after arrests of women testing the
ordinance on the subways. A transit police spokesman said
they would comply with the new rule, but "if they were violating
any other rules, like sitting on a subway bench topless smoking
a cigarette, then we would take action." Smoking is not allowed
in the subways.

Donkeys are not allowed to sleep in bathtubs in Brooklyn, N.Y.

In New York, you can teach your pet parrot to speak, but not
to squawk.

A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically
prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at
a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude
calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse
blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.

In Carmel, N.Y., a man can't go outside while wearing a jacket
and pants that do not match.


North Carolina

In Barber it's illegal for a cat to fight a dog (or vice versa)

It's against the law to sing off key in North Carolina.


North Dakota

In Waverly you better not let your horse near the tub,
since horses are prohibited from sleeping in them, as well
as in the house.

In Collierville: Keeping clean can be a chilly proposition,
as a law there says all bathtubs must be kept in the backyard.

Beer and pretzels can't be served at the same time in any
bar or restaurant.


Ohio

Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland,
Ohio, a man might see the reflection of something "he oughtn't!"

Cars are not allowed to scare horses in Centerville, Ohio.

In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her
clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.


Oklahoma

A City Ordinance in Oklahoma, states that it shall be unlawful
to put any hypnotized person in a display window.

Clinton, Oklahoma has a law against masturbating while watching
two people having sex in a car.

Violators can be fined, arrested, or jailed for making ugly
faces at a dog.

Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being
licensed by the state.

Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to
congregate in groups of three or more on private property.

People who make 'ugly faces' at dogs may be fined and/or jailed.


Oregon

It's against the law in Portland for a wedding ceremony to be
performed at a skating rink.


Pennsylvania

The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.

In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania it is illegal to have sex with a
truck driver inside a toll booth.

A special cleaning ordinance bans homemakers from hiding dirt
and dust under a rug in a dwelling.

No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife.

In Pennsylvania, "any motorist driving along a country road at
night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10
minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue."


South Dakota

In hotels in Sioux Falls, every room is required to have twin
beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart
when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal
to make love on the floor between the beds!

In South Dakota no horses are allowed into Fountain Inn unless
they are wearing pants.


Tennessee

In Memphis, it is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless
there is a man either running or walking in front of it, waving
a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.

It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish.

It's illegal for frogs to croak after 11 PM in Memphis.

In Tennessee hollow logs may not be sold.

Also in Tennessee driving is not to be done while asleep.


Texas

It is Texas law that when two trains meet each other at a
railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither
shall proceed until the other has gone.
In a "true facts" books there was an explanation for this law.
It seems that one of the state senators did not want a law passed.
To keep this particular law from passing, he attached the train
law to it. He hoped that his fellow senators would discover the
train law attached, see how ridiculous it was, and not pass the
laws. Nobody saw the the train law attached and passed both laws.
This may not be the real reason, but it sounds good. And it might
explain some of the laws we have to live with.

In Kingsville, Texas there is a law against two pigs having sex
on the city's airport property.

In Alamo a person found intoxicated must be given a large dose
of castor oil by a local doctor...and failure to gulp it down will
result in a fine.

A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot
without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit.

It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time
while standing.

In Kingsville, there is a law against two pigs having sex on
the city's airport property.


Utah

It is against the law to fish from horseback in Utah.

No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance
within the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman
can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and "her name is to be
published in the local newspaper." The man isn't charged nor is
his name revealed.

Birds have the right of way on all highways.

A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by
his wife while she is in his presence.

In Monroe, daylight must be visible between partners on a
dance floor.

A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have
sex with a man while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal
charges, the woman's name will be published in the local newspaper.
The man does not receive any punishment.

In Utah when a person reaches the age of 50, he/she can then marry
their cousin.

In Utah it is illegal NOT to drink milk.


Vermont

In Vermont It's against the law (not to mention impossible)
to whistle under water.

Lawmakers made it obligatory for everybody to take at least
one bath each week- - on Saturday night.


Virginia

In Norfolk a woman can't go out without wearing a corset.
(There was a civil-service job -- for men only -- called a
corset inspector.)

In Richmond, Va., you must buy a license for 93 cents to sell
song books on the street.

In Newport it's against the law to tickle a girl under her
chin with a feather duster in order to get her attention.


Washington

It's illegal in Wilbur, Washington, to ride an ugly horse.

In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed
weapon that is over six feet in length.

All lollipops are banned.

A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist
with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone
the chief of police as he is entering the town."

In the state of Washington, there is a law against having sex
with a virgin under any circumstances.


Washington D.C.

A D.C. federal judge has ruled that begging is a form of free
speech protected by the Constitution. That means that mugging
is free speech too, only more persuasive.

The U.S. government says it's a crime to give false weather
reports.

The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is the
missionary-style position. Any other sexual position is considered
illegal.


West Virginia

No children may attend school with their breath smelling of
"wild onions."

In Nicholas County, W. Va., no member of the clergy is allowed
to tell jokes or humerous stories from the pulpit during a church
service.

It is unlawful for chickens to lay eggs before 8AM and after 4PM.


Wisconsin

In Connorsville, Wisconsin no man shall shoot off a gun while
his female partner is having a sexual orgasm.

In St. Croix, women are not allowed to wear anything red in public.

It is illegal to cut a woman's hair.

It is illegal to kiss on a train.

Cheese making requires a cheese maker's license; Limburger
cheese making requires a master cheese maker's license.


Wyoming

An ordinance in Newcastle specifically bans couples from
having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer!

[sinisterpanda]

Too long to read. But i heard that a lot of these laws are so old that most people have forgotten about them.

[A.R.A.M.]

Some of them do make sense, though. I especially agree with the law that women can't go through a man's pockets while he is asleep. So much grief could be avoided if that law was applicable--and stringently enforced--everywhere.

[yoMAMA]

Minnesota

No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell
of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria,
Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he
must brush his teeth.

In Minnesota, it's illegal to tease skunks. (As if being
sprayed weren't enough of a deterrent.)

glad i live in mn.

[Player 0]

Glad i don't actually live in the US.