asians being prejudiced to asians?!

[lee duk sun]

hello all. i introduced myself a couple weeks ago, and just wanted to take a quick second to give a brief history so i can go on with my rant. i'm a 30 year old adopted korean who grew up in a white family in the boston area. i'm currently visiting south korea for 4 weeks (1.5 weeks left) because my boyfriend is here for work. while i'm here, i've been seeing the sights and also the places i was left and the adoption agency.

ANYWAY. the rant is this: the asian women, in particular, hate me! they loathe me! they look at me with disgust, treat me like crap, laugh in my face, talk about me in my presence, and are just outright RUDE to me! this happens when i try to do business with them in a market, at a shop, on the subways, at museum exhibits, etc. the only place it doesn't happen is in my hotel or a fancy restaurant, or with my boyfriend's white colleagues and asian colleage.

now, i admit... i don't speak much of the language. i didn't know i was coming until 2 weeks prior to the trip. but it was obviously something i couldn't pass up, and was a little nervous about my not knowing the culture so much. but i've made every attempt to make the compromises you make when you enter a new country. i bow, i know the very basic polite conversational phrases, and try my hardest to look friendly and happy to be here. but the truth is, if it weren't for my determination to keep going out everyday to find something cool and cultural (which i do), it would be horrible, because everywhere i go i am ridiculed.

south korea is a beautiful country, rich with history and technology and amazing scenery. but the people here act like i'm insulting them somehow. i even hide my tattoo so they can't see it, since they think tattoos are a disgrace. i dress more conservative while i'm here, too. but they're all about conformity, brand names, status, and... facial plastic surgery! that's another topic i could go off on... but i already released a lot in my personal journal. but basically, i'd say about 65%+ have had their eyelids creased: men, women, old and very very young. getting your nose heightened and chin defined is also very popular. and maybe they think lowly of me because i haven't done that? i don't know...

but i'm wondering if any of you have experienced this sort of thing before?

growing up i never really 'fit in' to any culture, so i learned to accept myself for my differences and other people and their differences. i think differences are what makes the world so cool. i'm sad to say that i've never been treated so poorly as i am here, in this country i was born in and arranged out of within 6 months. it's common knowledge here that a lot of people were adopted to the west, and even if it wasn't, there's no need for this kind of treatment.

what does anyone think can be done?

oh, and if anyone's interested, i'm keeping my korean journal online at jessicasdream.com/korea

thanks guys.
xOx
sun lee sunbeam!

i forgot to mention that the south koreans are obsessed with the caucasian appearance and just white people in general. my boyfriend is white, and he tells me when he's out on his own, people bend over backwards to help him...

it appears to me that the koreans are ashamed of the way they look and maybe i remind them of what they hate...?

a side note is that many people here think i'm japanese... that might have something to do with the initial awkwardness, but once they discover i'm american it gets worse....

[mr. x]

well, there's all kinds of hangups with being an American, I would suggest saying you are Canadian. Unless you are really really adament about displaying your nationality.

[lee duk sun]

haha, that's a good idea ;-) no, i'm not hung up, but i don't see why i should deserve such attitude, ya know? i don't display my nationality, but making something else up hadn't occurred to me. the first thing they ask is if i'm japanese, and then it's, "oh, american!"

xOx

[rice cracker]

Oh, that sucks. An adoptee friend of mine had a similar experience when she went to SKorea for a visit.

Just roll your eyes at them. Sometimes fighting fire with fire with an ajumma works wonders because it surprises them. If it doesn't work...RUN.

[eos]

is it because you're adopted? like they look down upon people who are adopted because it's like saying there must be something wrong with you that's why you're not with your biological parents?
i'm not trying to be mean or anything, or say that there's something wrong with you, just think it's pretty superficial and stupid if they think that way. i hate when people judge you because of your family.

[ColinB]

I've seen and heard black on black prejudice, Asian on Asian, white on white. I have prejudices. I am prejudiced against. No 'group' or ethnicity can claim to have no prejudiced members.

In answer to your question, yes I have encountered prejudice from my countrymen because I was born and raised overseas. But I have encountered those more who were not prejudiced against me too.

[LaiSteve66]

Man, remind me to apply blond hair dye and blue contacts if I ever go over there.

[jongeh]

Well, I am half Korean and I've experienced some prejudice from Koreans, but I found out that it had a lot more to do with my inability to speak Korean more than anything else ("you don't even speak your native language!" kind of thing).
Also, I have been informed by many Koreans to be careful when I go to Korea because a lot of people just don't like Americans, and they can usually tell if you are one.
I don't know, sorry about your situation, I can relate.

[Chad]

I have no clue about Korea but I find it kind of hard to believe that everybody is instantly ridiculing you as soon as you appear in public. How can you tell they're doing this if you don't speak the language?
How would anybody know she was an adoptee by looking at her? I don't know.. this all sounds weird to me.
65% of people have had plastic surgery? I find this unbelievable. Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think there's any way that could be accurate. What's going on here?

[returntosender]

on oprah they said it was 75%.

and oprah NEVER endorses false news...

[lee duk sun]

Originally Posted by Chad

I have no clue about Korea but I find it kind of hard to believe that everybody is instantly ridiculing you as soon as you appear in public. How can you tell they're doing this if you don't speak the language?
How would anybody know she was an adoptee by looking at her? I don't know.. this all sounds weird to me.
65% of people have had plastic surgery? I find this unbelievable. Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think there's any way that could be accurate. What's going on here?

i know, i'm just as shocked as you. if anyone told me this before i came here, i would NOT believe them! but i promise that i speak the truth here. it's disgusting...

people don't know i'm adopted by looking at me, but they know that i'm 'not one of them'. we dress differently, our hair is different, our faces ARE different (i only believe in corretive cosmetic surgery), we wear our make up differently, our shoes are different, and so on.

it really sucks... xOx

Originally Posted by Chad

How can you tell they're doing this if you don't speak the language?

body language, pointing, laughing, gestures, facial expressions... and my boyfriend's korean coworker's help. xOx

Originally Posted by jongeh

Well, I am half Korean and I've experienced some prejudice from Koreans, but I found out that it had a lot more to do with my inability to speak Korean more than anything else ("you don't even speak your native language!" kind of thing).
Also, I have been informed by many Koreans to be careful when I go to Korea because a lot of people just don't like Americans, and they can usually tell if you are one.
I don't know, sorry about your situation, I can relate.

thanks. and i thought it had to do with the language thing, but i DO speak some of the language just from being here 3 weeks and my 2 week crash course. (i didn't know i was going to come until then.) and i think it's insulting for them to think this IS my native language. they don't know my side... until recently, i always felt like this country threw me out, ya know? why would i learn this language? i didn't know any koreans to speak it with... it's all just ignorance, and that's what's such a shame. they're so advanced in so many other ways... but socially, individuality, and emotionally, they seem to be infants in their culture.

Originally Posted by akane21

is it because you're adopted? like they look down upon people who are adopted because it's like saying there must be something wrong with you that's why you're not with your biological parents?
i'm not trying to be mean or anything, or say that there's something wrong with you, just think it's pretty superficial and stupid if they think that way. i hate when people judge you because of your family.

yeah, that crossed my mind, as well... xOx

[Chu Chi]

Originally Posted by sun lee sunbeam

what does anyone think can be done?

Why don't you ask them?

Next time you witness one of these "events", just ask the participants if there is any problem?

AND,

How can WE solve it.

AND,

I'd also like to suggest Mr White boyfriend step up to the plate and help you solve this problem.


CC

[Chad]

Mrs Sunbeam,
I think I may have figured out what's going on. The people who are laughing at you are amused by the presence of a goofy foreigner. It's kind of like when those white people in America laugh and make jokes about other people who come from "backwards" countries. Also contributing to this confusion: you're an Asian American and not a native Asian. I'm also an Asian American. I've lived in America for most of my life. I went to school here, learned American customs and language. When I go to Asian countries, like Singapore or Malaysia, it is obvious to locals that I am a foreigner because of my different style of speech and dress and my unfamiliarity with the more subtle mannerisms and habits of the natives. Would it be more accurate for you to call yourself an "Asian American"?
-Chad

[Funky_Cactus]

To be blunt, you're there to have fun, not please people. Also, I'm afraid you're exaggerating about the plastic surgery rates. Pale skin, large eyes and sharp features are not only features of whites. It's the ideal beauty which can be connected to the past, not mere adoration of Western culture.

[Paradox]

Originally Posted by Funky_Cactus

To be blunt, you're there to have fun, not please people. Also, I'm afraid you're exaggerating about the plastic surgery rates. Pale skin, large eyes and sharp features are not only features of whites. It's the ideal beauty which can be connected to the past, not mere adoration of Western culture.

I get somewhat irritated when people say that cosmetic surgery and skin whiteners is an effort to look like a caucasian person. On the contrary I think the opposite is true. Caucasian people tend to have bigger noses, more pronounced chins, and wider facial features. If you look at the surgery being done in asian countries it's just defining the nose/eyes according to ASIAN beauty standards such as narrow "cute" noses, softer chins, and getting rid of double eyelid folds or whatever. Even white skin is something that is traditionally thought of as an asian beauty standard long before westernization ever entered into the equation. It's similar to victorian prejudices, people with super pale complexions were the "upper" class who could afford to sit indoors all day. People with dark complexions were the common laborers and farmer types.

Also, the opposite tends to be true in western society today. Dark skin and tans are still very trendy. Everytime I go to the beaches here it's always westerners doing sunbathing (some topless ;)) here. If Asians were trying to be more like caucasians then wouldn't they be bandwagon hopping onto the tan/dark skin trend too? The whole stereotype is a bit contradictive.