Blowjob Etiquette

[deez nuts]

Friend sent me this also:

Sorry for the all caps


BLOW JOB ETIQUETTE (BY A WOMAN)

1. FIRST AND FOREMOST, WE ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO DO IT.

2. EXTENSION TO RULE #1- SO IF YOU GET ONE, BE GRATEFUL.

3. I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY DID IN THE PORN VIDEO YOU SAW; IT IS NOT STANDARD PRACTICE TO CUM ON SOMEONE'S FACE.

4. EXTENSION TO RULE #3- NO I DON'T HAVE TO SWALLOW.

5. MY EARS ANR NOT HANDLES.

6. EXTENSION TO RULE #5- DO NOT PUSH ON THE TOP OF MY HEAD. LAST I HEARD, DEEP THROAT HAD BEEN DONE. AND ADDITIONALLY,DO YOU REALLY WANT PUKE ON YOUR DICK?

7. I DON'T CARE HOW RELAXED YOU GET, IT IS NEVER OK TO FART.

8. HAVING MY PERIOD DOES NOT MEAN THAT IT'S "HUMMER WEEK" - GET IT HROUGH YOUR HEAD- I'M BLOATED AND I FEEL LIKE SHIT SO NO, I DON'T FEEL PARTICULARLY OBLIGATED TO BLOW YOU JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN'T HAVE SEX RIGHT NOW.

9. EXTENSION TO #8- "BLUE BALLS" MIGHT HAVE WORKED ON HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS-IF YOUR THAT DESPERATE, GO JERK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE WITH MY MIDOL.

10. IF I HAVE TO PAUSE TO REMOVE A PUBIC HAIR FROM MY TEETH, DON'T TELL ME I'VE JUST "WRECKED IT" FOR YOU.

11. LEAVING ME IN BED WHILE YOU GO PLAY VIDEO GAMES IMMEDIATELY AFTERWARDS IS HIGHLY INADVISABLE IF YOU WOULD LIKE MY BEHAVIOR TO BE REPEATED IN THE FUTURE.

12. IF YOU LIKE HOW WE DO IT, IT'S PROBABLY BEST NOT TO SPECULATE ABOUT THE ORIGINS OF OUR TALENT. JUST ENJOY THE MOMENT AND BE HAPPY THAT WE'RE GOOD AT IT. SEE ALSO RULE #2 ABOUT GRATITUDE.

13. NO, IT DOESN'T PARTICULARLY TASTE GOOD. AND I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE PROTEIN CONTENT.

14. NO, I WILL NOT DO IT WHILE YOU WATCH TV.

15. WHEN YOU HEAR YOUR FRIENDS COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW THEY DON'T GET BLOW JOBS OFTEN ENOUGH, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. IT IS INAPPROPRIATE TO EITHER SYMPATHIZE OR BRAG.

16. JUST BECAUSE "IT'S AWAKE" WHEN YOU GET UP DOES NOT MEAN I HAVE TO "KISS IT GOOD MORNING".


******A MAN'S REBUTTAL*******

1. FIRST OF ALL, YES YOU ARE OBLIGATED TO DO IT. IF YOU DON'T WE WILL FIND SOMEONE (YOUNGER, PRETTIER, AND DIRTIER) WHO WILL.

2. SECOND, SWALLOWING A TEASPOON OF CREAM IS A HELL OFA LOT EASIER THAN LICKING A DEAD FISH.

3. YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT FARTING? DOES THE WORD "QUEEF" MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?

4. I WILL USE YOUR EARS AS I SEE FIT. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT AND BE THANKFUL I'M NOT PULLING YOUR HAIR.

5. WHEN YOU'RE ON PERIOD, STUFFING SOMETHING IN YOUR MOUTH IS THE ONLY WAY TO STOP YOUR BITCHING AND MOANING. SUCK IT UP.

6. SPEAKING OF WHICH, IF YOU ARE BLEEDING FOR FIVE STRAIGHT DAYS, YOU NEED ALL THE FLUIDS YOU CAN GET, TRUST ME.

7. YOU BITCH ABOUT THE TASTE, BUT TRUST ME WHEN I TELL YOU THAT WE GET THE SHIT END OF THE STICK IN FLAVOR COUNTRY.

8. AT LEAST THERE IS NO DANGER OF A DICK BLEEDING IN YOUR MOUTH.

9. PLAY WITH THE BALLS.

10. NO MATTER HOW GOOD YOU THINK YOU ARE AT IT, WE'VE HAD BETTER.

11. CARESS THE ASS, TOO. WE LIKE THAT.

12. MAKE HAY WHEN THE SUN SHINES. IT'S "WIDE AWAKE" IN THE MORNING NOW, BUT WHEN YOU GET OLD AND FAT AND LOOKING FOR SOME ACTION, I GAH-RON-TEE IT'LL BE "SOUND ASLEEP".

13. IF YOU SWALLOW, THEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING ANY ON YOUR FACE, NOW WILL YOU?

[ChinaLama]

if she was spending so much time YELLING AS THE CAPS INDICATE, it would have been much quicker to slip off the pants, put on a ton of condoms (since she may bite), and just ...

[amietron]

SHOT in the FACE!
SHOT in the EAR!
SHOT in the EYE!
SHOT in the NOSE!
SHOT in the TOE!
SHOT in the MOUTH!

(fill in the blank, from lama's post..) BLOW!

[ChinaLama]

Originally posted by amietron@Nov 2 2002, 07:23 AM
SHOT in the FACE!
SHOT in the EAR!
SHOT in the EYE!
SHOT in the NOSE!
SHOT in the TOE!
SHOT in the MOUTH!

(fill in the blank, from lama's post..) BLOW!

wow that dude has a lot of cum

oh wait...


cum isn't the ONLY thing that comes out of a penis.

[Hanuman]

They should air this on the Lifetime Channel! Ok, Ok, I promise I'll stop now! :D

[himura-dono]

Originally posted by Tawee@Nov 2 2002, 10:04 PM
They should air this on the Lifetime Channel! Ok, Ok, I promise I'll stop now! :D

dude, that channel is evil, it says female self empowerment, but what it is is the tissue channel for them spouting the nazi's that men are and always will be.

[amietron]

good god! YW broadcast! like radio/webcam or something. omg, if i could pull that off i could get myself into college. OY! what an ingenius idea!

off topic, but YW porn would make BIG BUXXXXXX. wouldn't you agree?

[ChinaLama]

yeah amie, and since you're so chaste, you can work on the lighting or the camerawork. :)

[Craig]

Originally posted by amietron@Nov 3 2002, 02:09 AM
good god! YW broadcast! like radio/webcam or something. omg, if i could pull that off i could get myself into college. OY! what an ingenius idea!

off topic, but YW porn would make BIG BUXXXXXX. wouldn't you agree?

Exactly what type of college are you trying to get into again ? I don't know about other people, but I wouldn't buy YW porn.

[amietron]

Originally posted by Craig@Nov 2 2002, 11:45 PM

Exactly what type of college are you trying to get into again ? I don't know about other people, but I wouldn't buy YW porn.

because i've never really seen porn doesn't mean i've never gotten the pop-up ads and stuff. amateur porn, hot teen porn, etc. sheeish.

and mind you, the broadcast radio/webcam idea and the YW porn one were separate thoughts. radio/webcam to broadcast like AA views. it could be used to spread the word on political stances on certain issues, like our battle with disguise inc., just more than one at a time. stuff that revolves around being an AA in america, or just asian in general. ya know?

[Craig]

Originally posted by amietron@Nov 3 2002, 03:08 AM

because i've never really seen porn doesn't mean i've never gotten the pop-up ads and stuff. amateur porn, hot teen porn, etc. sheeish.

and mind you, the broadcast radio/webcam idea and the YW porn one were separate thoughts. radio/webcam to broadcast like AA views. it could be used to spread the word on political stances on certain issues, like our battle with disguise inc., just more than one at a time. stuff that revolves around being an AA in america, or just asian in general. ya know?

Are you sure you don't want to go to a school like the one mentioned in the following ?

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_33923...rdworld.sexlife

More opportunity to make a name for yourself. I don't think this site is anywhere near as political as was originally intended, or else it would probably get a lot less traffic than it does :(

On a side note, I don't think the admissions officers at most colleges have the time or inclination to verify any extracurricular information on your appication. My info was virtually barren.

I haven't gotten any pop-up ads this year. For some strange reason I keep getting these web browsers with pop-up killers.

[amietron]

political science
english
psychology
journalism
pre-law (only some schools have it)

i never said i wanted to produce one, craig. i just said that if YW were to retail some sorta pornography, it'd probably sell.

[igcognito]

My girlfriend found this to be hilarious.

[luv]

Funny.

:lol:

[LilCPChik]

i think itz amusing... mayb cuz i'm just realllie bored.....