What's love got to do with it?

[younggiftedandblack]

A group of us was having a discussion about marriage. One friend brought up the point that marriages back in the day where done more for practical reasons then actual love. They were theorizing that a reason for the high divorce rate today is that too many people marry just for love and don't approach the relationship with the mindset of "How can this person complement me".

Since love at times can be a fleeting emotion is it wise to just marry for love?

[deez nuts]

Originally Posted by younggiftedandblack

They were theorizing that a reason for the high divorce rate today is that too many people marry just for love and don't approach the relationship with the mindset of "How can this person complement me".

that's what my parents taught me. but, it's not just complement. it's also taking care of and making one another better. if you enter a relationship and one person is bringing a lot more into the relationship than the other side; it's gonna fail.

i think once you get to a certain age and the concept of marrying just cuz the both of you are in love is just naive.

[TB4000]

Is she gonna take care of me in my old age? Or will she attempt to kill me for insurance money? All these things have to be taken into consideration.

[robotic]

i think that would have to be a reason why parents still put stress on arranged marriages, "after a while love marriages just go downhill ;_;"

at this age, both girls and boys have fantasies about what they would like their partner to be (to be good-looking, have humour, etc.) but at the end of the day, you could have all of those things, but still not be able to live together because you can't compromise. love marriages can work though, if a pair gets together and can juggle problems and obstacles without strains. but i realize, that most of the times, the kind of person you want to marry, may not necessarily be the kind of person who would care the most about you if the attraction is complaisant, a spur of the moment.

[Atealtha]

Money. Oooooh man does money play a factor!

[applehead]

Originally Posted by younggiftedandblack

A group of us was having a discussion about marriage. One friend brought up the point that marriages back in the day where done more for practical reasons then actual love. They were theorizing that a reason for the high divorce rate today is that too many people marry just for love and don't approach the relationship with the mindset of "How can this person complement me".

Since love at times can be a fleeting emotion is it wise to just marry for love?

which is why i feel that a well thought
out arranged marriage isn't as evil
as some people make it out to be.

oh i've said this before.
so like, i'm pro arranged marriage.
hah.

[Irezumi Kiss]

Originally Posted by applehead

which is why i feel that a well thought
out arranged marriage isn't as evil
as some people make it out to be.

oh i've said this before.
so like, i'm pro arranged marriage.
hah.

It's actually quite practical and maybe the best option for certain types of people who don't need the "extra frills" associated with being with having a relationship with someone. Sometimes the whole "magic" thing gets overblown. Only certain types of people can really do that or live in that.

[deez nuts]

the indian dude i knew whose parents bought his arranged wife from india to our college graduation and that was the first time they've even met one another is still happily married with 3 kids.

i guess it doesn't hurt that she's hot too.

[Hiroshi2]

So what would be the point in such a marriage, having company when you're 75 years old? Like a roommate for life?



If you're not marrying for love, are you doing it for money? If not for money, then what?

[deez nuts]

Originally Posted by Hiroshi2

So what would be the point in such a marriage, having company when you're 75 years old? Like a roommate for life?



If you're not marrying for love, are you doing it for money? If not for money, then what?

love, money, companionship, security. why not have it all in a marriage.

besides like 60% of marriages end in divorce anyways and divorce courts typically favor the wife. why not increase the odds of making a marriage work especially if you're the guy? unless of course, you don't mind giving half your salary to your ex-wife every month.

i know this one female doctor in the hospital. she pulls in about $150,000 a year before taxes and her ex-husband, a elementary school teacher in nyc, gives her one-third of his salary each month as part of the divorce settlement. lol.

[Hiroshi2]

^ No but I was just asking exactly what was the purpose of marrying somebody if not for love.

[robotic]

Originally Posted by Hiroshi2

^ No but I was just asking exactly what was the purpose of marrying somebody if not for love.

although love can be of so many different types, and with so many different people,
i choose to seperate it into - the people you fall in love with -or - the people you grow to love

with arranged marriages, people prove that love after marriage can take place, by agreeing that the latter is possible. because marriage connotates family, i put it into this metaphor: the people you are related to by blood, you grow to love. this can be interpreted in two ways: a) you realize that you must love them because "they are family" and it is a reciprocated relationship b) you learn to love them because you realize that - because they are family - they will always care and love you.

just like the assumption we make about family stronghold, we make about love.

when one marries for love, they can't sign a guarantee that that love will last forever, or if their partner would be willing to sacrifice a great deal to make the relationship last. and nethier do arranged marriages. at the end of the day, it is how the partners' compromise to consider what is best for them, and best for their life together as a couple.

with arranged marriages, and all the nit-picking that revolves around it ;D parents can, to a certain degree, insure that by judging the partner's character, they can make the marriage hold together.

being a part of a family is already landing one in a compromise, but even with family, there are exceptions. just like any relationship, obstacles are always at hand, and sometimes, people can't get along.

[golden_buns]

Originally Posted by Chasiubao_Boy

i know this one female doctor in the hospital. she pulls in about $150,000 a year before taxes and her ex-husband, a elementary school teacher in nyc, gives her one-third of his salary each month as part of the divorce settlement. lol.

That's so fucked up, shouldn't she be the one giving him money?

[yoMAMA]

sing with me

what's love gotta do with it..........

[deez nuts]

i think another factor one has to take into consideration when finding a marriage partner is how a potential spouse will play a role in improving one's gene pool with future children. i mean one of the reasons of marriage is to carry on the bloodline.

i not only want my son to be healthy; but, smart,strong and good looking like me as well, if not more so (though not possible. but, worth a shot nonetheless). i also want him to be taller than me.

Originally Posted by golden_buns

That's so fucked up, shouldn't she be the one giving him money?

lol. i think the average nyc elementary school teacher pulls in on average $50,000 a year before taxes.

and on top of that, i hear he only sees his kids once a month and she cheated on him.

i get all this information from her friend who is my anesthesiologist at times and tells me about them and how her ex-husband is a nice guy and stuff and how he got in her words, "raped in the ass and he's still bleeding."