shunning your parents for your significant other

[sandra]

so some of us on this board have acknowledged that our parents are a bit racist--or racially insensitive at least.

if you happen to fall in love with someone of a race or ethnicity that your parents did NOT approve of, would you despise your parents for being close minded? would you choose to see them less? or would you just try to ignore that part of them?

[wylin]

no i'd try to fallow their wishes because they are my parents and even if their views are flawwed theyn did spend a million dollars or so during the course of my lifetime to raise, cloth, and feed me. and i owe them as much nething else is dishonorable.

[purezero]

I don't think that I would despise them. I mean they are my parents afterall. It's just a flaw that everyone has. Absolute removal of prejudice is something we would all like. But I would just acknowledge what they have to say, and that's about it.

[deez nuts]

My parents weren't the racist ones, if anything I was the family racist back in the day. I used to get my ass beat by my folks after coming home with bruised knuckles, bruises, cuts etc etc for getting into fights with black and jewish kids. My dad proceeded to pull me out of bed and give me the beating of a lifetime. It chilled and mellowed me out as I got older.

[angel nympho]

I'd ignore them if I really wanted to be with the person. But my parents aren't like that, so I don't see the need.

[amietron]

Originally posted by Chasiubao_Boy@Oct 20 2002, 02:06 PM
My parents weren't the racist ones, if anything I was the family racist back in the day. I used to get my ass beat by my folks after coming home with bruised knuckles, bruises, cuts etc etc for getting into fights with black and jewish kids. My dad proceeded to pull me out of bed and give me the beating of a lifetime. It chilled and mellowed me out as I got older.

godsh, doc. you really got your ass put in check. you're a good mentor. :)

[thaite]

I do what I want.

[blkazngirl]

Mmmm, my parents were against me marrying my ex who happen to be Black. At first I couldn't understand their reasoning. Specially, my mother seeing as she is Black. I went against them, and got married. They were supportive while I was married. But it was when he became abusive that was when the "red" light came on for me. They had an idea that he was abusive and tried to spare me, but I had to learn on my own. :(

[mrazntre]

Originally posted by blkazngirl@Oct 21 2002, 03:13 AM
Mmmm, my parents were against me marrying my ex who happen to be Black. At first I couldn't understand their reasoning. Specially, my mother seeing as she is Black. I went against them, and got married. They were supportive while I was married. But it was when he became abusive that was when the "red" light came on for me. They had an idea that he was abusive and tried to spare me, but I had to learn on my own. :(

Sometimes the most obvious things are the ones that we miss.

I was raised by old traditions so I first of all try to date Chinese or Taiwanese girls (specifically Cantonese or Fujianese).

My mom doesn't speak English and I think it's semi-important my significant other be able to communicate with my mom.

I don't think my mom would object majorly if I dated a say Japanese or Korean girl that spoke Chinese though. But if it was a white girl...or gasp black/Hispanic/Indian...I'd get a beatdown. So I guess you can say I don't shun my parents but rather limit myself for them. :)

[himura-dono]

my fianceé is shunning her dad over me. he always told her that if she was going to marry, it had better be an chinese or a white man. after he found out we were engaged he flipped out and she asked him what the bi8g fucking deal was....he had said white is ok, not that she would have listened if she had found a non-chinese or non-white guy, and he was like, "but i always thought you'd marry a chinese."

:ph34r:

which makes me public enemy number.1 like he actually refused to let me into their house after i paid $300 to get us down there. i then had to find a hotel, which cost way more than i was willing to pay, and stay there for the next three days. reason: his mom didn't want guests. my fianceé's account: "he didn't want my grandma to know i'm marrying you."

gotta love the hate. x_X

[igcognito]

I have been in MANY relationships, where girls went against there parents. I would play the "friend" role, and their parents would meet me and get to know me. Only one dad did not like me. Every ex-g/f, I had said that I was the "only black", their parents ever liked. I am more of the defy ignorance, type person myself. My mom, just wants me happy. My grandfather, would prefer me to date a black girl, but he sees I really have nothing in common with them. So, they are happy with whoever I introduce them to, and are very friendly. Sometimes, to friendly. -_-.

[tapestrybabe]

Naaaah... my parents are ex hippies... so like anything goes for them.. just as long as i'm happy with the person...

[kitty]

Originally posted by kasia@Oct 20 2002, 07:25 PM

if you happen to fall in love with someone of a race or ethnicity that your parents did NOT approve of, would you despise your parents for being close minded?  would you choose to see them less?  or would you just try to ignore that part of them?

I pretty much did both. (warning! long post)

So, uh, I'm currently in a long term relationship with an African-American guy. Today is our three year and two month anniversary. I totally feel this question.

When I first started dating my bf in freshman year, I was worried about my parents, but I thought I should tell my mother and invite him to a family Thanksgiving. I told her over the phone and she agreed to come get us and drive us down to NYC to see family. But, I guess it hadn't really sunk in because she totally flipped when she actually SAW us together.

Thanksgiving was a complete disaster. I mean, lots of drama with yelling and crying and all that. My mom threatened to pull me out of school and make me go to the university in my hometown.

And my mom is the more open-minded of my parents. My dad would call every week from China (where he's working) to yell at me. He was basically like "anybody but a black or Indian" (I don't get the logic).

Finally, I tried the ignore-approach. I just told my dad my bf and I were just friends and my parents and I just did not talk about it for two years. It was so horrible having to lie about everything. I mean, for those two years I was paranoid that my parents would find out.

About a couple months ago, my mom called and she had this complete breakdown and asked me flat out if me and my bf were still dating. I finally said yes, and we had an okay conversation about it.

I haven't told my dad yet. I'm still pretty frightened about graduation in may when it won't be as easy to hide all this from my dad (my mom knows that there's a possibility me and bf will get married... and she's okay about it).

There's also a good possibility that he will disown me. So... I guess the question is really am I choosing to see them less, or are they choosing to see me less?

[igcognito]

[quote]Originally posted by kittygirl@Oct 22 2002, 04:06 AM

Originally Posted by kasia,Oct 20 2002, 07:25 PM

There's also a good possibility that he will disown me. So... I guess the question is really am I choosing to see them less, or are they choosing to see me less?

I think you answered your question yourself. By "disowning" someone, you are making the choice to not see them.

I wish you and your bf, the best of luck. You got my prayers.