White Guys Hitting on Asian Girls at Asian Parties...

[Barbs]

What an inflammatory subject heading. I'm sure everyone will have lots to say on this. So tell me, what is the deal with white guys who frequent asian parties hitting on Asian women. I was at a NAAAP (N'tl Assoc. of Asian American Professionals) gathering (my first) last week for a Happy Hour and this white guy approaches two of my female friends as well as myself, one after another, each sequentially about 10 minutes apart. Extremely persistent and easily offended, he became irate when he nobody would give him time of day. So, what gives? Does he deserve to be treated meanly by Asian women for being the only white guy at an Asian function? Is the fact that he is there indicative of an Asian fetish? Or, are we too harsh to non-Asians at such events in general? I suppose none of the girls would have been so mean to him if he had been just normal and friendly. However, he was very slimy (and not at all attractive incidentally) and appeared to be "on the prowl". Is/was our intolerance some sort of reverse racial discrimination? I must point out however, that if I had been introduced to him through friends at the gathering, I am sure I would not have been the way I was to him. What does everyone think about this topic?

[JULIE]

Girl, face it, you [b:1a97d98ba7]know[/b:1a97d98ba7] that you are too good for him. Hahaha, what's up girl :o I'm just kidding. BUT, this day an age, you HAVE to be careful of who you associate with and come in contact with. You've seen the tv shows where a slimy looking guy looks at a girl from a distance and next thing you know, four good looking "agents" are trying to find out who, why and how the girl died. The sad part is that life does not mimick tv, as much as we liked to believe (now, movies mimicking life...that's a different story). Tv mimicks life. Majority of these "investigation" tv shows are all about real life. I believe that is why when we are introduced to someone, we are not as harsh as when we are approached. IMHO[/b]

[OHTotoro]

It seems like it had more to do with the fact that we was slimey and was just trying to hook up with a girl for the night rather than the fact that he was a white dood at a mostly asian gathering... ("gathering" that word sounds kinda sinister to me...how about "function"? ... i dunno)

[NotAsian]

I think there's an element of hostility when someone approaches you no matter what the event. Let's face it, if someone approaches you they have some sort of reason or motive ;)

** /me approaches... er... someone **

[Barbs]

maybe the bottom line is just that generally speaking, only the slimey rejects approach girls at bars/clubs. or maybe i just feel that attractive, hot, successful guys don't waste their time doing that? i'm not sure about the element of hostility...maybe i'm just a bitch! hehe....but really, what do guys expect when they do such things?

[thaite]

Would it have made any difference if it had been an equally slimy Asian guy on the prowl and looking to hook up?

[Barbs]

i don't think it would have made a difference the particular nationality of the guy; if he's slimy, then he would've received the same treatment. however, i did pause to note that it seemed particularly slimy for a non-asian guy to show up at a specifically asian event. it seemed to carry undertones of asian fetishism.....

[achtungbaby]

[quote:28bcd66138="NotAsian"]** /me approaches... er... someone **[/quote:28bcd66138]

Keep away from me. Go stand next to OHTotoro.

[Barbs]

oh i recognize u as the asian slimy guy at that gathering!!

[sandra]

i think the better approach is to talk to these guys. find out what they're good for. this white guy i met worked at a watch repair shop and told me to bring in all of my watches that needed adjusting.

so i did. and he fixed em all for free. fresh batteries and everything =) and when he asked for my number in the end, i gave him my email address...and later just deleted all of his mail. he actually wrote in one of them, "you remind me of my friend's chinese wife. she is sweet and warm."

haha....if they have fetishes, i say use 'em and don't think twice about it. maybe one day they'll learn to stop objectifying us.

[Arex]

[quote:3759b628df="Barbs"]maybe the bottom line is just that generally speaking, only the slimey rejects approach girls at bars/clubs. or maybe i just feel that attractive, hot, successful guys don't waste their time doing that? [/quote:3759b628df]

Whoah! Damned if you do, damned if you don't...!! Not really on topic, but what is a guy supposed to do to meet a girl? If you approach a girl at a club and say "Hi!" you run the risk of being perceived as slimy. If you just kick back and play it cool, you end up solo, drinking/dancing by yourself all night. Guess if you're hot enough, the slimy girls will come running...?? I must not be hot or successful enough. So sad.=(

As for the whole non-Asian guy dating Asian girl thing, I must admit that I'm kinda torn on the whole issue. On the one hand, one of my best friends is this Caucasian dude who dates exclusively Asian (then again, he's got a dragon tattoo, takes Hapkido, and kicks it primarily with a bunch of Asians--classic "egg"). Also on the one hand, I'm all for the breaking down of color lines. On the other hand, the street seems to be almost exclusively one way and that's frankly just fucked up.

I don't blame the girl. I simply attribute it all to the fact that this IS America where Whites reign supreme in mass media and pop culture. If you grow up and all you see is White White White, I think it's pretty easy to develop the misconception that "whiter is better" (I say misconception because we all know that yellower is better...). So that explains the Asian girls who jump at the chance to date white guys and the white girls who balk at the idea of dating non-White. But how do we explain the white dudes? I think that can be more sinister. In my honest opinion, when you've got a non-Asian dude with a track record of dating Asian women, and that person doesn't otherwise adopt or identify with Asian culture, you've generally got yourself a fetish-izer. That, I'm not down for. But if the guy grew up in Chinatown or Little Saigon but just happens to be white, it's hard to fault the guy for having an eye for Asians. Of course, that's a really fine distinction and I'm still trying to sort it all out myself. What's the distinction between a fetish and a more innocent preference? Is it that a fetish is a purely sexual thing, devoid of all other usual ingredients that justify attraction (e.g., common interests, common experiences, etc.)? Is it that it's more of an objectification thing? But then again, when we see someone at a club that we perceive as "hot," we aren't thinking, "She's probably got a similar sense of humor as me...!" Is there a distinction at all? Can my preference for Asian women be classified as a fetish? Input anyone?

In the end, being the selfish person that I am, and given that I've been chronicly single for the past two years, I say if I ain't getting any from "my own kind," then neither should you so stay the fuck away from my people! Just kidding.

Alex

[achtungbaby]

[quote:ee973862d2="kasia"]he actually wrote in one of them, "you remind me of my friend's chinese wife. she is sweet and warm."[/quote:ee973862d2]

That reminds me of my little Chinese girlfriend. She is very small.

[achtungbaby]

[quote:9416e0be63="Arex"]If you just kick back and play it cool, you end up solo, drinking/dancing by yourself all night.[/quote:9416e0be63]

Actually, towards the end of my long after hours club binge, that was probably all I could ask for. Like that Carl's Jr. commercial: "Don't bother me, I'm rolling."

[Barbs]

sometimes dancing alone can be fun. i hear ya on that point.

[sandra]

arex:

your best caucasian friend also knows the japanese song 'saigo no iiwake' and you don't'

i say...bars are a cool place to hang out. so long as the guys are not demeaning and show no fetish, it's fun to dance and talk to new people--unless they're repulsive or something. it's not like you're going to marry them. i heard in d.c. the clubs are really cool b/c people are not pretentious and are willing to dance with anyone.

BUT...sometimes it's hard to distinguish when a white guy has a fetish or if he's just nice.