Canadamerica

[lethal]

http://www.philly.com/mld/dailynews/10094849.htm?1c



O Canada, we plead to cede to thee


By HOWARD GENSLER

ADOPT US, O Canada!

As a blue-red split continues in the Divided States of America, we note that every blue state is contiguous to Canada or to a another blue state that is contiguous to Canada, except Hawaii - that's not contiguous to anything but a lot of blue water that's contiguous to Canada.

Therefore, we've got an idea. How about a sort of second American Revolution, Canada, in which you annex all the blue states, liberate us from King George, and thus become the world's sole superpower.

What Canada Gets:

• Higher education: All eight Ivy League universities, Stanford, U. Chicago and Northwestern all just lowered their admissions standards for the kids from Saskatchewan.


• Serious sports: Forget the Super Bowl. With the Eagles, Patriots, Steelers, Jets, Vikings and Packers, the Grey Cup is where it's at.

You get the Expos back as they're now in D.C. But who needs the Expos when you've got the Red Sox, Yankees, Twins, Mariners, Giants, Dodgers, Angels, Padres, Phillies and Pirates. The World Series is coming! The World Series is coming!

The Raptors are Canada's favorite basketball team? We don't think so.

What about Flyers-Maple Leafs? Flyers-Canadiens? Settle the strike and drop the puck.

• Warm-weather vacations: Sun yourselves whenever you want in Southern California or Hawaii at Canada's beautiful beaches.

• The cultural arts: Tourists will love Canada's museums including the Smithsonian, the Museum of Natural History and the Philadelphia Museum of Art. Plus, in addition to Broadway, the Kennedy Center and top regional theater, we're throwing in our best orchestras - Philadelphia, Boston, Chicago and L.A.

• The entertainment industry: You already love our movies and TV shows more than those red-staters and now when that rare production shoots in California or New York instead of Vancouver or Toronto, you still get credit for the jobs and the tax revenue.

• The automobile industry: Ohio can keep its Honda plant. GMs, Fords and Chryslers are made in Canada.

• The biotech industry: With many of the world's top biotech firms located in Massachusetts, New York, Washington and California (thanks to $6 billion in new stem cell research funding), it's likely that Canadian scientists will cure cancer and heart disease within the next 50 years.

• The computer industry: That's right, we keep Microsoft, Apple, Hewlett-Packard and Silicon Valley. "America" gets Dell.

• A burgeoning tourist industry: You've now got a lot more to sell than Toronto, the Cabot Trail and the glaciers in Banff. Even red-staters love to visit Atlantic City, the Liberty Bell, Maui, the Space needle and Disneyland (now Disney Canada).

• Fresher produce: Canada, the artichoke, garlic and strawberry capital of the world. And Canadian wines just got a whole lot tastier.

• Arnold Schwarzenegger: He can't be president but he'd make a swell Canadian premier.

What the Red-Staters get:

• Exactly what they want.

What Blue-Staters get:

• Canadian citizenship: And we don't even have to move.

• "O, Canada": A national anthem that's much easier to sing than "The Star Spangled Banner."

• Free flu shots. (Not to mention free health care.)

You don't like our "values," red-staters, you've got your wish - we're outta here.

But remember, the next time you want to see a Broadway show, visit wine country, Hawaii or the birthplace of liberty, don't just bring your Visa card, bring your visa.

You're in Canada now. And we're tightening our borders.

Don't delay, Canada. This offer expires in four years.

[bluemonq]

heck, i wouldn't mind. canadia is underrated. it's mostly quebec's fault, and they planned on seceding from canadia too, so...

[TB4000]

Sure, it'd be fun to merge with Canada...so long as we get to use our sexy U.S. currency...five quarters to the dollar, dawg! And you know what they say about those canadian girls, don'cha? Me neither.

[hooligan]

let's go, let's go!

[yoMAMA]

I like that!

[except we have to start drinking canadian beer......yuck ]

[Kris]

Originally Posted by yoMAMA

I like that!

[except we have to start drinking canadian beer......yuck ]

we wont neeed beer anymore. they got "fit" chicks there

[PropellerheadCP]

Originally Posted by yoMAMA

I like that!

[except we have to start drinking canadian beer......yuck ]

Hey, hey... what do you mean, "yuck"? Unlike your beer, ours doesn't taste like water, you pansies. You might as well drink non-alcoholic beer, by OUR standards. Then I'll humiliate you, in an arm wrestling match. I bench 210 pounds.

[kimpossible]

Originally Posted by PropellerheadCP

Hey, hey... what do you mean, "yuck"? Unlike your beer, ours doesn't taste like water, you pansies. You might as well drink non-alcoholic beer, by OUR standards. Then I'll humiliate you, in an arm wrestling match. I bench 210 pounds.

Ah, you've never been to microbrew central in the Pacific Northwest then. How about we settle on letting me feel up your manly bicep because you'd most likely break my arm off.

[Yeahman]

You know you people can just move to Canada. We won't stop you though personally I believe that all of your anti-American maple-syrup lovers should be hanged for treason.

[hooligan]

Originally Posted by ye110man

You know you people can just move to Canada. We won't stop you though personally I believe that all of your anti-American maple-syrup lovers should be hanged for treason.

right, brilliant, we're dealing with an intellectual here.

[Yeahman]

^ Just adding to the oh-so-high level of intellectual discourse in this thread.

[hooligan]

Originally Posted by ye110man

^ Just adding to the oh-so-high level of intellectual discourse in this thread.

no, you're actually bringing it down.

[DragonKnight]

Originally Posted by ye110man

^ Just adding to the oh-so-high level of intellectual discourse in this thread.

Laf.

Anyhoo, sounds like fun merging all the true-blue states with Canada. I have relatives in Vancouver. It'd be cool having all of us in the same nation.

[sageb1]

cool. maybe i'd get laid.

[lethal]

Well, my original post was made in jest from an article that is obviously a joke.

However, if you want to do real analysis, the states that voted for Bush get an average of $1.20 for every $1 that they pay in federal taxes, whereas the states that voted for Kerry get an average of $.84 for every $1 that they pay in federal taxes (this does not include Washington D.C. because it is not a state). It is pretty ironic that the republican party actually wants lower national income taxes and wants states to have more power (therefore more state programs and higher state taxes), when lowering the national income tax would hurt their states.

Also, the Red States would probably be entirely oil independent. All the oil is in Texas and Alaska. Would Middle East stability and oil supply certainty still matter? The Blue States of Canada would pay like $5 a gallon for gas. All the oil would have to be imported, but it might lead to more fuel efficiency and conservation.

With all the corporate HQs in NYC and California, what would the Red States do for corporations?