Your experiences with sexism with Asian men

[Cipherous]

Please share your experiences,

although not many people would want to air their dirty laundry out, I believe the best way to solve a problem is to talk about it.

I see this all the time, Asian guys referring to Asian women as our women and calling her a sell out if she dates a White guy.

What are some of your gripes and experiences with sexism of Asian men.

Also, for the Asian men reading this thread please keep in mind that when I say "Asian men", I am not saying all Asian men per se just the Asian men who has perpetuated the stereotype of being a wife beater and what not.

[kitty]

http://forums.yellowworld.org/showthread.php?t=11358

I know it's a joke, but this kind of sentiment ...

[mr. x]

Originally Posted by kittygirl

http://forums.yellowworld.org/showthread.php?t=11358

I know it's a joke, but this kind of sentiment ...

mines a joke too, yes yes. plz dont take it the wrong way people...again

[kitty]

Originally Posted by mr. x

mines a joke too, yes yes. plz dont take it the wrong way people...again

yeah... but i'm referring to other threads and posts that are saying that kind of thing in all seriousness.

[mr. x]

say, in general do u find the most sexist men to also be the most...iono the word...err "manly"? like the same guys who are outgoing, athletic, and pimpish (in skill) are the most sexist....

[coagulated fat]

Originally Posted by mr. x

say, in general do u find the most sexist men to also be the most...iono the word...err "manly"? like the same guys who are outgoing, athletic, and pimpish (in skill) are the most sexist....

Mmm no. Most of the more sexist men I know had a bad experience with some ex-gf and can't get over it, and retain bitterness because they can't get a date.

[sandra]

Originally Posted by mr. x

say, in general do u find the most sexist men to also be the most...iono the word...err "manly"? like the same guys who are outgoing, athletic, and pimpish (in skill) are the most sexist....

no. it varies for me. sometimes it can be the older men i work with - like on projects and campaigns and stuff. no matter what, some of them seem to see me as a girl. i mean - they'll trust me enough to discuss things with me...but then - just the way they talk to me makes me think they kinda see me as a young niece or something. i don't know if that's necessarily sexist.

[Tao]

Originally Posted by kasia

no. it varies for me. sometimes it can be the older men i work with - like on projects and campaigns and stuff. no matter what, some of them seem to see me as a girl. i mean - they'll trust me enough to discuss things with me...but then - just the way they talk to me makes me think they kinda see me as a young niece or something. i don't know if that's necessarily sexist.

i think it might be more ageist than sexist

[hapakristina]

i definitely don't think that asian men are in any way more sexist towards women than any other man of any other race.. but i do sometimes think that asian men are very much guilty of the stereotype that asian women are these quiet, submissive women. i sometimes wonder if that's another reason that can be attributed to the stats on asian men and non-asian women counterparts. just a thought really.

i don't have any personal stories about asian men making sexist comments to me. heck, many asian men in general appear to be intimidated by me (be it my height or my strong personality).. so i really haven't had any first-hand experiences of sexism from asian men.

[ayumi]

Originally Posted by hapakristina

i definitely don't think that asian men are in any way more sexist towards women than any other man of any other race... so i really haven't had any first-hand experiences of sexism from asian men.

So I see you've never ridden the subway in Japan or Korea... or been to an all-Asian party where all the men are sitting on couches and chairs in the living room when all the women are in the kitchen preparing the food, and then after the party the men are still chatting it up while the women are doing all of the clean-up. And you never went to a Japanese high school where the male teachers use their batons to press unnecessarily suggestively into our nametags (worn on our chests). And you've never been in an Asian supermarket where guess who carries everything? That's right - the women. The men carry nothing. If Asian men aren't, in general (and I stress that), more sexist towards women than other men (and by "other", I mean "white" because Middle Eastern men, to name just one example, aren't exactly fair in their treatment of women either), then I am an uncle to a monkey.

[applehead]

Originally Posted by ayumi

So I see you've never ridden the subway in Japan or Korea... or been to an all-Asian party where all the men are sitting on couches and chairs in the living room when all the women are in the kitchen preparing the food, and then after the party the men are still chatting it up while the women are doing all of the clean-up. And you've never been in an Asian supermarket where guess who carries everything? That's right - the women. The men carry nothing.

i can totally vouch for all of that.
but i always chalked it up as bad manners.
i must have been stupid.

[ayumi]

Originally Posted by applehead

i can totally vouch for all of that.
but i always chalked it up as bad manners.
i must have been stupid.

No you weren't stupid!!! We've just been brainwashed... sure, a lot of it is bad manners... but unfortunately it runs deeper than that and since that kind of behaviour has basically been sanctioned by Asian society, we are definitely fighting an uphill battle. But with our Asian-American brothers leading the way and showing our FOB brothers what respect towards women is all about, we will win the battle for equality eventually. *steps off soapbox*

[Napoleon Chynamite]

Originally Posted by ayumi

So I see you've never ridden the subway in Japan or Korea... or been to an all-Asian party where all the men are sitting on couches and chairs in the living room when all the women are in the kitchen preparing the food, and then after the party the men are still chatting it up while the women are doing all of the clean-up. And you never went to a Japanese high school where the male teachers use their batons to press unnecessarily suggestively into our nametags (worn on our chests). And you've never been in an Asian supermarket where guess who carries everything? That's right - the women. The men carry nothing. If Asian men aren't, in general (and I stress that), more sexist towards women than other men (and by "other", I mean "white" because Middle Eastern men, to name just one example, aren't exactly fair in their treatment of women either), then I am an uncle to a monkey.

You make very good points, but once again sexism and patriarchy is a worldwide problem, it's just that the problem is more addressed (but obviously not fixed) in places like the U.S. and there are more people aware or sensitive to it. Stuff like this still pretty much remains engrained in Asia. I've actually offered to help with like dishes or cooking at all Asian parties and the women usually just tell me to sit down with the rest of the men or they refuse and say it's okay.

[ayumi]

Originally Posted by Gumby

I've actually offered to help with like dishes or cooking at all Asian parties and the women usually just tell me to sit down with the rest of the men or they refuse and say it's okay.

Well I wholeheartedly and sincerely applaud you. I think it's great that you offer to help in the kitchen - I wish you attended the parties that I did because I would have welcomed you into the kitchen with us ladies. (That's why I prefer Asian-American guys to straight Asian guys.) And Chinese guys in general seem to be "better" (I mean, less sexist) than other Asian guys.

And I also blame the women at those parties you attended who refused to let you help out... it's obviously engrained in their psyches that kitchen work is women's work (or, at least, not men's work) and so they won't even indulge your honest and heartfelt attempts to help. That's just too bad... It seems like a Catch-22 situation - you want to help out but they won't let you, and if you don't offer to help out you're viewed as sexist. Hmmmmm.....

[mrazntre]

Originally Posted by ayumi

Well I wholeheartedly and sincerely applaud you. I think it's great that you offer to help in the kitchen - I wish you attended the parties that I did because I would have welcomed you into the kitchen with us ladies. (That's why I prefer Asian-American guys to straight Asian guys.) And Chinese guys in general seem to be "better" (I mean, less sexist) than other Asian guys.

And I also blame the women at those parties you attended who refused to let you help out... it's obviously engrained in their psyches that kitchen work is women's work (or, at least, not men's work) and so they won't even indulge your honest and heartfelt attempts to help. That's just too bad... It seems like a Catch-22 situation - you want to help out but they won't let you, and if you don't offer to help out you're viewed as sexist. Hmmmmm.....

I'm not sure how well this example works because that's what a good host is supposed to do. Common examples would be of couples or a female hosted party, but what about a bachelor hosted party?

At a bachelor hosted party, the bachelor, being a good host shouldn't let anyone lift a finger.

I think when you get into the whole 50's ideal where the men smoked cigars in the living room while the women sat in the kitchen baking and cooking all day, that becomes sexist-questionable. I think this is what you're talking about. It seems that you were complaining about party hosting etiquette the way you phrased your statement.