Becoming a parent?

[thaite]

I was gonna post this in the "Boyfriends who have kids" but I didn't wanna hijack it.

Since the 1997 economic crisis, the US has severly curtailed the number of visas they grant to Thais. Awhile back I was asked if I might be willing to adopt my now 12-year-old cousin. Nothing wrong with his family life, but his father would like him to come to the states, get an education and hope for a better life. His older sister, who is my age, has been trying to get a visa here for years. And she works in the medical profession, so she's educated and not just wanting to come sponge off the system.

I gave it some thought, though I haven't done anything about it, I am certainly willing to help care for the kid, though I have doubts about my parenting abilites. I am just a single guy, working and doing my thing, with an average amount of shit that I need to get together. I have my mom 20 minutes away, who could pitch in, but that may not always be the case, as I am a career-minded person and likely won't be sticking around here.

Has anyone else ever had a similar family situation? Do you think you could pull this off?

[applehead]

oh gosh.
about 3 years ago my then 15 year
old cousin came to live with my family
to further her studies in the united states.
she wasn't adopted but was on a F1 visa.
my mom worked all the time and my
sister and brother didn't really care so
it was up to me to look after her.
and i had a nervous breakdown.

i had to do everything for her.
take care of her legal papers,
help her with homework,
make sure she was eating right.
it was just so much work.
it didn't help that back home
her mom didn't let her lift a finger
around the house because she
just wanted my cousin to study and study.
she didn't know how to do anything
except homework and study.

it was just a lot of work.
emotionally and physically.
but i didn't complain or bitch
about it too much.
i figured i can sacrifice a couple
of years of my life if it meant
a better future for her.

now what she's a freshman in college
she doesn't need as much help from
me.
but i felt really proud of her when
she graduated. it was as if my own
daughter was going off to college.
it's a lot of work but i'm glad i did
what i did.

a 12 year old boy. wheew.
sounds like a lot of work.
but if you do decide to do it,
at the end, i think you'll be happy you did.

how does the adoption thing work?
how long would it take for it to be
finalized?

[thaite]

You know what? I have no idea. I haven't even looked into it. I don't have my act together.

[applehead]

see!
it's so much work!!!

lol

[Emperor_Mike]

Not now. Maybe when I'm in my late twenties shall I give some thought into getting married and having children. It's such a big step!

[Cipherous]

oh gosh.
about 3 years ago my then 15 year
old cousin came to live with my family
to further her studies in the united states.
she wasn't adopted but was on a F1 visa.
my mom worked all the time and my
sister and brother didn't really care so
it was up to me to look after her.
and i had a nervous breakdown.

i had to do everything for her.
take care of her legal papers,
help her with homework,
make sure she was eating right.
it was just so much work.
it didn't help that back home
her mom didn't let her lift a finger
around the house because she
just wanted my cousin to study and study.
she didn't know how to do anything
except homework and study.

it was just a lot of work.
emotionally and physically.
but i didn't complain or bitch
about it too much.
i figured i can sacrifice a couple
of years of my life if it meant
a better future for her.

now what she's a freshman in college
she doesn't need as much help from
me.
but i felt really proud of her when
she graduated. it was as if my own
daughter was going off to college.
it's a lot of work but i'm glad i did
what i did.

a 12 year old boy. wheew.
sounds like a lot of work.
but if you do decide to do it,
at the end, i think you'll be happy you did.

how does the adoption thing work?
how long would it take for it to be
finalized?

nice. Seemed like a lot of work but as the old saying goes...what goes around...comes around.

Now you have good karma, and believe me...just knowing you have good karma is an awesome feeling.

[Faithless]

Do you think you could pull this off?

Not with your situation. Sounds like your young enough to want to experience a few more things without getting tied down. You got to get it out of your system, as the saying goes. Then you got to decide how you want to settledown, if you it is your desire to do so after being satisfied you experienced enough.

Kids need a parental figures commitment to them, as they will get in to trouble knowing and unknowingly. They need guidance and someone there for consistency. If you aint got the time right now, you might be doing your cousin a disservice.

[thaite]

I'm 31, so I ain't out partying every night. I am, however, trying to date and etc. And like I said, I'm a career-minded professional.

And I just saw Daughter From Danang on TV again tonight and watched that dumb chick turn her back on her family. Now that adds some guilt.

[mrazntre]

is that the one with the halfie chick ?

[thaite]

yeah, that's the one.

[deez nuts]

no kids = more toys and $$$$ for me

[kboy75]

when i was 24, my 15-year-old brother moved away from my mom and came to live with me. i because his legal guardian. he had some trouble with the law and was dangerously close to not finishing HS.

anyhow, it was hard, but i took him in (he is my bro after all) and i wentto parent-teacher conferences and back-to-school nights. i financially supported him and even cooked for him. through time i taught him how to take care of himself and he turned his life around and graduated HS, and even went off to college. with our dad no around anymore, i'm more like his dad than his brother.

i am proud of him, but it was tough. even after he moved, the cops came to my door more tha a couple of times. trouble always follows him. and it kinda sucked being in my early-mid 20s and having this sort of responsibility when all my friends were going out and partying and being free with out (then) new jobs.

but overall, i am glad i did that, just because it changed the trajectory of my bro's life. it's not so much that *I* helped him. he just needed change period. and to get AWAY from his old scene and friends.