are you shy?

[tvbdude]

are you brave enough to ask a guy or girl out when you just met them on the street or somewhere?

[Emperor_Mike]

Yes

[nonamerasian]

I don’t date anyone I don’t know so I probably wouldn’t ask a guy off the street for a date, however, with only one exception, I’d have no problem asking guys I’m interested in on a date.

**However, I must add, I’ve never really had to ask a guy on a date, but I probably wouldn’t have a problem if I felt I needed to.**

[jimbo]

I can't approach people at all, If they approach me I'm fine.

[AliBabaIncorporated]

Sometimes. Unfortunately, not usually with anyone I'd actually want to go out with. I've done this several times before: I'll build up my confidence, approach a girl at the bookstore, on campus, at a cafe, whatnot. Then I'll get to the actual date, look at her face, and start wondering, "What the fuck was I thinking? Was I drunk? No that's not possible, it was mid afternoon. Damn she is kinda hard to look at."

Maybe cuz with the girls who are actually attractive I lose confidence.

As an aside, I was more shy in high school. But I seriously hate these dumbfucks who tell you to overcome your shyness by putting yourself in situations where you're forced to talk to people. On that advice I took a job with the school's fundraising office coldcalling alumni and alumni-owned businesses to ask for donations. Got fired after a month cuz I was underperforming.

[coagulated fat]

No, I'm a wuss. I'm trying to get better, but on top of the fear of possible rejection there's the fear that I'll mess up my "play it cool" strategy by blushing. I'm not shy at all in every other situation.

[Hiroshi2]

I used to be really shy, I'm kinda getting over that now. I still won't go up and ask a girl for a date, but if I'm feeling brave I'll talk to her.

[DragonKnight]

I used to be brave enough. Prob is I've been soooo friggin out of practice though since my last relationship lasted almost 5 yrs. :(

[teaz0r]

not on a night date.
but a day date. like
we'd go to a coffee
house. or go eat ice
cream. or to a museum.

something like that.

[Deadpool]

Originally posted by coagulated fat@Jul 4 2003, 12:56 AM
No, I'm a wuss. I'm trying to get better, but on top of the fear of possible rejection there's the fear that I'll mess up my "play it cool" strategy by blushing. I'm not shy at all in every other situation.
Girls traditionally aren't supposed to do the apporaching, they usually just sit back and wait for the guys to flock so you really dond't have to worry about that.

[tommyhtown]

I don't usually ask a girl that I just met out on a date. The occasions that I did were like after talking to her at the bar or club, or the gym.

[coagulated fat]

Originally posted by Deadpool@Jul 5 2003, 03:21 PM
Girls traditionally aren't supposed to do the apporaching, they usually just sit back and wait for the guys to flock so you really dond't have to worry about that.
"Sure, the prospect of breaking the long-standing social taboo against making the first move goes against everything your Barbie doll ever taught you. But remember: if you are unwilling to choose among the jerks, you will be limited to choosing from the jerks who choose you." -Matt Groening

So you see, it's not so great to sit back and wait for the guys to flock. Imagine only being able to choose from the girls who hit on you.

[Deadpool]

Originally posted by coagulated fat@Jul 5 2003, 10:10 PM


So you see, it's not so great to sit back and wait for the guys to flock. Imagine only being able to choose from the girls who hit on you.
That would be incredibly awesome if the roles were reversed! It would be cool for males to have all the choosing power that females usually have.
Buy hey, thats pretty cool that women out there go out of their way to do the initiating. Honestly a lot of women don't appreciate or are completely ignorant on how emotionally tough it is to approach women.
I would definetly like see how an American princess initiatiate and see how she handles being rejected, laughed at or sneered at like you are some kind of creep.
Girls got it eeeasy.

[DragonKnight]

Originally posted by Deadpool@Jul 5 2003, 11:06 PM
That would be incredibly awesome if the roles were reversed! It would be cool for males to have all the choosing power that females usually have.
Buy hey, thats pretty cool that women out there go out of their way to do the initiating. Honestly a lot of women don't appreciate or are completely ignorant on how emotionally tough it is to approach women.
I would definetly like see how an American princess initiatiate and see how she handles being rejected, laughed at or sneered at like you are some kind of creep.
Girls got it eeeasy.
Oh so very true. <_<

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by Deadpool@Jul 6 2003, 03:06 AM
Originally posted by coagulated fat@Jul 5 2003, 10:10 PM


So you see, it's not so great to sit back and wait for the guys to flock. Imagine only being able to choose from the girls who hit on you.
That would be incredibly awesome if the roles were reversed! It would be cool for males to have all the choosing power that females usually have.
Buy hey, thats pretty cool that women out there go out of their way to do the initiating. Honestly a lot of women don't appreciate or are completely ignorant on how emotionally tough it is to approach women.
I would definetly like see how an American princess initiatiate and see how she handles being rejected, laughed at or sneered at like you are some kind of creep.
Girls got it eeeasy.
actually, to be honest, i wouldn't like the prospect of having to avoid or reject women i find unattractive all the time, and then always wondering why the hell the attractive women wouldn't approach me.

i like things the way it is, thank you very much. :D
however, with that said, i can't deny that it is great when a girl takes some initiative.

[coagulated fat]

Originally posted by Deadpool@Jul 5 2003, 11:06 PM
Originally posted by coagulated fat@Jul 5 2003, 10:10 PM


So you see, it's not so great to sit back and wait for the guys to flock.&nbsp; Imagine only being able to choose from the girls who hit on you.
That would be incredibly awesome if the roles were reversed! It would be cool for males to have all the choosing power that females usually have.
Buy hey, thats pretty cool that women out there go out of their way to do the initiating. Honestly a lot of women don't appreciate or are completely ignorant on how emotionally tough it is to approach women.
I would definetly like see how an American princess initiatiate and see how she handles being rejected, laughed at or sneered at like you are some kind of creep.
Girls got it eeeasy.
It's not that great. Guys don't flock to women unless the girl is in the upper 10% of hotties or something. So most of us end up having to do some approaching anyway.

And yeah, some women can be mean about rejecting guys. But guys can be mean rejecting women too. I think most women have experienced rejection, actually.

I justify the whole thing by thinking that men take the emotional pain of rejection and women take the physical pain of childbirth. So it is fair in a twisted way.

[hooligan]

depends on how i'm feeling and how "inspired" i am. :blink:

inspired with alcohol, NOT how she's looking. :luv:

[Deadpool]

Originally posted by coagulated fat@Jul 6 2003, 02:22 PM


and women take the physical pain of childbirth. So it is fair in a twisted way.
Ahhh...universal excuse used by women. You are learning fast :lol:

[moschikat]

Originally posted by tvbdude@Jul 3 2003, 10:00 PM
are you brave enough to ask a guy or girl out when you just met them on the street or somewhere?
yes and no.

method of approach : flirt, stare at intended party, look away, blush, giggle - stare again. . . repeat until desired effect of the other party comes up and asks themselves.

:D

*works everytime*

[blue hoodie]

Depends on how cute the girl is!

[sOKaLiBoY]

Originally posted by tvbdude@Jul 3 2003, 11:00 PM
are you brave enough to ask a guy or girl out when you just met them on the street or somewhere?
i wouldn't know since i've never had the chance to. you can call me straight yellow or just plain chicken.

[sk1ttlez]

yeah i'd be able to approach a guy, but not someone on the street. i'd have to know him at least a little.

[Everglaze]

I was shy when I was younger but I eventually opened up in grade 7 and by grade 9, I was talking with girls left and right as if I was just talking to a normal person like a receptionist at the walk-in clinic.

However, I do avoid talking to strangers (unknown females) on the streets or anywhere. I've heard it before from people how it seems strange for the girl to see me confronting her, trying to show off my confidence, end up looking like a fool lol.

If it's a female I've seen around a few times and not just on one ocassion and I seem to be interested in her then yes I will approach her and converse (have to be acquainted before continuing further). Other than that, I'm not messing around with just any female (milfs do exist still).

[Hanuman]

I'm a ham. I live for this crap.

[mr. x]

Originally posted by coagulated fat@Jul 6 2003, 02:22 PM

And yeah, some women can be mean about rejecting guys. But guys can be mean rejecting women too. I think most women have experienced rejection, actually.


yeah no kidding, i had a white guy friend (who oddly enough has a asian fetish) who said in his blog how he tried to strike up a conversation with a girl (white) at a ice rink and all he said was like "hi" or sometihng and she's like "you're ugly"

thats like my nightmare scenario (a girl of any color), which can hold me back sometimes. i wonder if these sorts of things contributed to his fetish? well he's not a typical fetisher (not all dorky and naive) i mean he's more like a asian guy with a asian fetish (yeah that sounds apologist but...yeah)

[Walrus]

I don't think not having the guts to ask a random person on the street out, would qualify as being shy. I don't know many, if any people that would do that... it puts so much into the looks that it's almost stupid.

Anyway, I'm a 50/50 with approaching others, unless I have some liquid courage (i.e. - alcohol)... but that's a lame way of losing inhibition.


I find that women naturally give off flirty signals regardless of their present state of affair, it's like natural for them... I say this because I have gotten those flirty vibes from girls before, but they obviously had boyfriends... which makes me think why do they even bother. But then I realize that maybe they don't do it conciously.... I find even my female friends do this too.

[Everglaze]

<!--QuoteBegin-Walrus+Jul 14 2003, 11:57 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Walrus @ Jul 14 2003, 11:57 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> I don't think not having the guts to ask a random person on the street out, would qualify as being shy. I don't know many, if any people that would do that... it puts so much into the looks that it's almost stupid.

Anyway, I'm a 50/50 with approaching others, unless I have some liquid courage (i.e. - alcohol)... but that's a lame way of losing inhibition.


I find that women naturally give off flirty signals regardless of their present state of affair, it's like natural for them... I say this because I have gotten those flirty vibes from girls before, but they obviously had boyfriends... which makes me think why do they even bother. But then I realize that maybe they don't do it conciously.... I find even my female friends do this too. [/b][/quote]
I guess they find it fun to do.

I know girls like that too, I hate it when it triggers the wrong message in my head. They sure toy around :(

[purezero]

Aww. This just happened to me today. I saw this guy who worked at Starbucks. I had the urge to ask him his name and his number and if he wanted to go do something later. But I am super shy. I couldn't even ask the guy's name. But I'll do my best to get at least that much next week.

[Napoleon Chynamite]

I'm fairly shy but if she is beautiful then my horndogness overcomes any type of fear of rejection I had before because I have nothing to lose.

[mr. x]

i just had a thought, what does this have to do with sex and health?

anyways im shy, i can hide behind this homer avatar (but ironically i spill a lot of details about myself that i normally would not to someone i knew well)

ive only shown my picture to meena, who for all i know could be a 40 year old gay man with an asian fetish

[purezero]

This is the Relationships section as well, isn't it? It's just titled Sex & Health. I think this fits under the relationship category.

I'm still counting the days 'til I ask the guy his name.

[TyTea36]

agh. wish i could escape social anxiety. i'm still working on it. gotta ask out dis girl someday yea?

[Azn Retribution]

depends.. its 50/50..
if we catch eyes and the body language seems dead on i usually try to get a introduction.. i rarely introduce myself... i really dont want to use pick up lines although maxim had a few interesting ones lately. and whether i ask for her number or ask her out depends on the body language and how well the conversation went.

[Hiroshi2]

^&nbsp; I never want to become so pitiful that I use pickup lines. However, my problem is I don't know how to start a conversation.

[Fireblade]

I'm a reoccuring shy person. Most of the time, I don't ask people out, or go out of my way to introduce myself. But at times, I will act out of character and just go ahead and start conversation and not notice I'm doing so until we part. And then I kick myself in the head for not grabbing a number or something.&nbsp; <_<

[Hiroshi2]

<!--QuoteBegin-Fireblade+Jul 20 2003, 08:36 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Fireblade @ Jul 20 2003, 08:36 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> I'm a reoccuring shy person. Most of the time, I don't ask people out, or go out of my way to introduce myself. But at times, I will act out of character and just go ahead and start conversation and not notice I'm doing so until we part. And then I kick myself in the head for not grabbing a number or something. <_< [/b][/quote]
Yeah that kinda sounds like me too, now that I think about it.

[mrazntre]

i am supershy!

[Chris]

not shy at all.

[TyTea36]

i dont have the brains to think of something to talk about. whenever i talk, its hey... alright, c ya

eh?

[537]

I'm shy.

[Emperor_Mike]

It's not difficult, really. ^_^ Just walk up, introduce yourself, and strike up a conversation. No need to resort to fancy things like pick up lines and such. Girls like genuine attempts and not contrived, rehashed material. :D

[Hiroshi2]

^ Yeah I went to Burger King today and the girl behind the counter was eyeing me the whole time while I was standing in line and ordering, so after I made my order she just kinda struck a conversation with me (better her than me, I still find it hard to start one myself). When I left the place, I just flashed her a big smile :)

[mr. x]

<!--QuoteBegin-Hiroshi2+Jul 21 2003, 07:50 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Hiroshi2 @ Jul 21 2003, 07:50 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> ^ Yeah I went to Burger King today and the girl behind the counter was eyeing me the whole time while I was standing in line and ordering, so after I made my order she just kinda struck a conversation with me (better her than me, I still find it hard to start one myself). When I left the place, I just flashed her a big smile :) [/b][/quote]
was she perty?

[mrazntre]

...but she works at burger king?

[DragonKnight]

<!--QuoteBegin-mrazntre+Jul 21 2003, 09:27 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (mrazntre @ Jul 21 2003, 09:27 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> ...but she works at burger king? [/b][/quote]
We all gotta start somewhere.

[Deadpool]

<!--QuoteBegin-Hiroshi2+Jul 21 2003, 07:50 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Hiroshi2 @ Jul 21 2003, 07:50 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> ^ Yeah I went to Burger King today and the girl behind the counter was eyeing me the whole time while I was standing in line and ordering, so after I made my order she just kinda struck a conversation with me (better her than me, I still find it hard to start one myself). When I left the place, I just flashed her a big smile :) [/b][/quote]
Did you ask for her name? Number?
You Fool!&nbsp; :pissed:

[Hiroshi2]

She looked OK, and you're right I should've got the #. Oh well, maybe I'll be in the mood for a Whopper tommorow.......:D

[Emperor_Mike]

Ambition is a must for long terms. ^_^

[mr. x]

<!--QuoteBegin-Hiroshi2+Jul 21 2003, 10:30 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Hiroshi2 @ Jul 21 2003, 10:30 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> She looked OK, and you're right I should've got the #. Oh well, maybe I'll be in the mood for a Whopper tommorow.......:D [/b][/quote]
dude dont u watch animes and stuff? when u go back to the same place...SHE'S GONE!

then of course u go home alone knowing u screwed your one chance up at love and cry in the dark to the sound of The Cure

[purezero]

w00t!!! I got his name! Now for the next step:
Getting his number.
*hypes self up*

[tapestrybabe]

it depends...
i've had a lot of sex with strangers...
which has always come easy for me...
altho when it comes to situations regarding things that have to deal with more interpersonal stuff... like meeting new people... having conversations and what not... getting to know one another and all that... i tend to clam up... and get really quiet...

[John0101]

after years of being a marjuana fiend the shit made me mad paranoid around people.

alcohol helps, somewhat

[Hiroshi2]

Well this is an old thread, isn't it?


I still have a tendency to be shy sometimes. I really have a problem with not speaking loud enough a lot, I'm trying to get over that......

[eniblu]

I've grown up to be a pretty shy guy.

However, this past year I've been getting better at making casual conversation and introducing myself to girls. The thing I hate, though, is that I have to hype myself up before I begin talking with a new girl. It's like I have to charge myself up, Dragonball-style, for a really big fireball or something. Otherwise, if I don't have at least a little mental preparation, I usually miss the opportunity to talk to a girl.

[Fireblade]

asked a girl out... unfortantly she thought I was asking her friend! Grr...

Anyway, the friend rejected me (um, I didn't care, because I was numb from the shock that she thought I approached her) and the girl that I really wanted to ask was like "oh I'm sorry. She just doesn't go out with people she just met. But don't worry, you're cute, maybe she'll say yes next time you're around"

I hate confusion.

[coagulated fat]

I've grown up to be a pretty shy guy.

However, this past year I've been getting better at making casual conversation and introducing myself to girls. The thing I hate, though, is that I have to hype myself up before I begin talking with a new girl. It's like I have to charge myself up, Dragonball-style, for a really big fireball or something. Otherwise, if I don't have at least a little mental preparation, I usually miss the opportunity to talk to a girl.
I think the best thing to do is cut off all thinking and just thrust yourself into a situation where you have to make a move. Too much thinking is bad stuff, I always psyche myself out, so even though I'm internally kicking and screaming and running in the opposite direction, I force myself to be brave.

Welcome to YW.

[ellsworth81]

I think the best thing to do is cut off all thinking and just thrust yourself into a situation where you have to make a move. Too much thinking is bad stuff, I always psyche myself out, so even though I'm internally kicking and screaming and running in the opposite direction, I force myself to be brave.

Welcome to YW.

indeed, best way to learn how to swim is to drown

[ellsworth81]

asked a girl out... unfortantly she thought I was asking her friend! Grr...

Anyway, the friend rejected me (um, I didn't care, because I was numb from the shock that she thought I approached her) and the girl that I really wanted to ask was like "oh I'm sorry. She just doesn't go out with people she just met. But don't worry, you're cute, maybe she'll say yes next time you're around"

I hate confusion.

at least you got a compliment from the true target. that can't hurt ...

[Hiroshi2]

There's a girl I want to talk to, actually. But I hate the idea of walking up and trying to talk to her while she's with her friends, because I don't really know them that well. Even when she was by herself though, I had an opportunity and sat on it and didn't say anything, only because I was too shy. It's killing me....

[ellsworth81]

There's a girl I want to talk to, actually. But I hate the idea of walking up and trying to talk to her while she's with her friends, because I don't really know them that well. Even when she was by herself though, I had an opportunity and sat on it and didn't say anything, only because I was too shy. It's killing me....

just keep saying "fuck it, i'm going for it." repeatedly to yourself. but make sure you have like stuff to say so the convo doesn't end after 1 minute of dialogue. that would be .. not good :ph34r: and have compliments ready!

better yet, get into an elevator with her. preferabbly in a very tall building. then there's no escape for either of you. :laugh:

[Hiroshi2]

just keep saying "fuck it, i'm going for it." repeatedly to yourself. but make sure you have like stuff to say so the convo doesn't end after 1 minute of dialogue. that would be .. not good :ph34r: and have compliments ready!

better yet, get into an elevator with her. preferabbly in a very tall building. then there's no escape for either of you. :laugh:



LOL @ the elevator comment


Compliments are no problem, well yeah they are. I guess I'm just afraid I'll sound too dumb or something. To me she looks good all the time :D

Like the last time I saw her, she had a new hairstyle, new dress, everything. I could've said something but chickened out and just said "hi".

I think I could have stuff to say to keep it going at least a good 10 minutes.....

[ellsworth81]

LOL @ the elevator comment


Compliments are no problem, well yeah they are. I guess I'm just afraid I'll sound too dumb or something. To me she looks good all the time :D

Like the last time I saw her, she had a new hairstyle, new dress, everything. I could've said something but chickened out and just said "hi".

I think I could have stuff to say to keep it going at least a good 10 minutes.....

take the plunge! :dance:

[Hiroshi2]

take the plunge! :dance:



I already said it before; I'd much rather wait for a time when she's alone.......


But I plan on going to a party this Friday and she'll probably be there. I think that would be my chance. But I just hope it won't be too late......of course if I get the chance sometime between now and then, I'll definitely snag it, I learned my mistake....but then again I have a feeling this kind of opportunity may not arise again......oh boy, now I've depressed myself :(

[ellsworth81]

it'd prolly be better if you talked her up before this part-ay. might make socializing easier at the occasion? just a thought.

well... if no time opps come up ... you gotta make opportunities come up. some may call it stalking... but hey ... whatcha gonna do :licka:

I already said it before; I'd much rather wait for a time when she's alone.......


But I plan on going to a party this Friday and she'll probably be there. I think that would be my chance. But I just hope it won't be too late......of course if I get the chance sometime between now and then, I'll definitely snag it, I learned my mistake....but then again I have a feeling this kind of opportunity may not arise again......oh boy, now I've depressed myself :(

[Hiroshi2]

it'd prolly be better if you talked her up before this part-ay. might make socializing easier at the occasion? just a thought.

well... if no time opps come up ... you gotta make opportunities come up. some may call it stalking... but hey ... whatcha gonna do :licka:



Yeah I feel ya.............I'm sure I'll see her before the party, she'll probably say "hi" or whatever, but I want to talk to her. 1-on-1. I don't necessarily want to have deep, intimate conversation but I just want to talk to HER, and get to know HER. If Im REALLY lucky, on Friday, they'll play a slow song and maybe we can dance together :dance: Oh man, that would be fucking sweet............

I just hadn't been able to forgive myself for that opportunity I passed up though.............damn...........

[steakandrice]

heh....growing up...i was a shy little hapa boy.....


now that i'm grown up...
now, I can approach anyone

sometimes my friends are chicken
so...I do the work for them
last time @ Studio 54 in Vegas...

I hooked up 2 girls with my 2 buddies....

One guy fingered this girl in the club...and she gave him some hand action...

all thanks to me....

[kboy75]

sure, if it seems to flow and seems natural. I don't want to come off as a weird freaky stalker.

having to pick from a pool consisting only of people who initiate with you van be bad, so i agree with coagulated. sometimes the cream of the crop would never initiate with you (guy or girl). so that is why it is sometimes worth it to initiate, even in a random situation. but again, try not be stalkerish.

[Hiroshi2]

Ugh. This is really starting to get to me. I absouletly hate being shy. Not just because I can't talk to some girl at a party, but a whole lot of other stuff. I know the original thread wasn't supposed to get too deep, or whatever, but this is just the way I'm feeling right now. I really, really, wish I could go back in time and somehow change myself and make me more outgoing, more socialble, and more likable and more confident. I don't necessarily believe I was born shy, but I have always been that way as far back as I can remember. I always remember hearing from a very young age, even when I was five years old, adults who would always describe me as "shy" or "quiet". Even though this was true, I think that by hearing other people describe me as such all through my childhood really made me believe that that was just a part of my identity and that I can't change it. So it's hard for me to believe that I actually CAN go out and have fun at a party, or talk to a girl I'm interested in, or be liked by a lot of people, or be outgoing or anything like that. This is a really big problem in my life (my social life at least) and I know it may sound trivial, but I really don't think it is. I feel so depressed today.

[coagulated fat]

Ugh. This is really starting to get to me. I absouletly hate being shy. Not just because I can't talk to some girl at a party, but a whole lot of other stuff. I know the original thread wasn't supposed to get too deep, or whatever, but this is just the way I'm feeling right now. I really, really, wish I could go back in time and somehow change myself and make me more outgoing, more socialble, and more likable and more confident. I don't necessarily believe I was born shy, but I have always been that way as far back as I can remember. I always remember hearing from a very young age, even when I was five years old, adults who would always describe me as "shy" or "quiet". Even though this was true, I think that by hearing other people describe me as such all through my childhood really made me believe that that was just a part of my identity and that I can't change it. So it's hard for me to believe that I actually CAN go out and have fun at a party, or talk to a girl I'm interested in, or be liked by a lot of people, or be outgoing or anything like that. This is a really big problem in my life (my social life at least) and I know it may sound trivial, but I really don't think it is. I feel so depressed today.
If you don't want to be shy any more, you don't have to be. It's not like SHY is written on your forehead, even if you were shy as a child that doesn't mean much. I know plenty of formerly shy people I have helped turn to the dark side of outgoing-ness. A lot of people are shy because they are worried about what people will think of them and feel small, and the first step is to realize that everyone else is just as full of shit as you are. Everyone's self-conscious, some people are just better at hiding it. If you want to act outgoing or pick up some girl, just play the role of a person who would do those things. I think there's some saying, "no one can tell the difference between real confidence/courage and fake confidence/courage" or something. And it'll get better with time and practice, though that's not very helpful I guess, it's true.

[John0101]

Ugh. This is really starting to get to me. I absouletly hate being shy. Not just because I can't talk to some girl at a party, but a whole lot of other stuff. I know the original thread wasn't supposed to get too deep, or whatever, but this is just the way I'm feeling right now. I really, really, wish I could go back in time and somehow change myself and make me more outgoing, more socialble, and more likable and more confident. I don't necessarily believe I was born shy, but I have always been that way as far back as I can remember. I always remember hearing from a very young age, even when I was five years old, adults who would always describe me as "shy" or "quiet". Even though this was true, I think that by hearing other people describe me as such all through my childhood really made me believe that that was just a part of my identity and that I can't change it. So it's hard for me to believe that I actually CAN go out and have fun at a party, or talk to a girl I'm interested in, or be liked by a lot of people, or be outgoing or anything like that. This is a really big problem in my life (my social life at least) and I know it may sound trivial, but I really don't think it is. I feel so depressed today.

Hey man, your 16! it's those normal teenage blues. It's really hard to break the mold when your in HS, those years were some of my worst years in my life, thank goodness I had some good friends. Try doing something new everyday. Talk in class, randomly smile at some one, etc. Work hard for the things that matter to you, and build on something you care about. You still might be shy, but i'm sure you'll feel good about yourself.

[John0101]

Oh yeah, don't smoke pot, shit makes you MAD PARANOID. I had some of my most uncomfortable situation high. If you have no self-confidence and can't hand social situations very well, DON'T SMOKE POT!

[steakandrice]

I know it may sound trivial


try to do things you wouldn't typically do....

even today...I have to remind myself to "live" outside my comfort zone
hahhaha....life is waaaaaaaayy more enjoyable and hella fun that way.

take baby steps to start to be more non quiet....things will get better....but you gotta make it happen

[Hiroshi2]

Hey man, your 16! it's those normal teenage blues. It's really hard to break the mold when your in HS, those years were some of my worst years in my life, thank goodness I had some good friends. Try doing something new everyday. Talk in class, randomly smile at some one, etc. Work hard for the things that matter to you, and build on something you care about. You still might be shy, but i'm sure you'll feel good about yourself.



Yeah man I know you're saying that but I guess it's hard to listen to that when my peers (same age as me) are outgoing and fun, etc.

@ coagulated fat:


I know what you're saying, but like I said before, I've been that way my whole life. I can't just change just like that, and sometimes I even wonder if I should. But I'm tired of always feeling like a punk and people always misjudging me because I'm quiet, or wanting to say something but not because I'm afraid I'll be doing something stupid. I feel socially awkward sometimes, like everybody else knows all the unwriten social rules except for me.

[John0101]

I know what you're saying, but like I said before, I've been that way my whole life. I can't just change just like that, and sometimes I even wonder if I should. But I'm tired of always feeling like a punk and people always misjudging me because I'm quiet, or wanting to say something but not because I'm afraid I'll be doing something stupid. I feel socially awkward sometimes, like everybody else knows all the unwriten social rules except for me.

naw dude, the smartest people I know are reserved, they sit back and listen, but when they talk they got something really profound to say. You also have to find your clique of friends. You can gain more "confidence" by leeching off the confidence of your friends.

[Hiroshi2]

naw dude, the smartest people I know are reserved, they sit back and listen, but when they talk they got something really profound to say. You also have to find your clique of friends. You can gain more "confidence" by leeching off the confidence of your friends.


Yeah and see the thing is, I'm the kinda person that doesn't really have a clique. I jump from clique to clique. I just roam, with no place to call home :(


I understand how cliques can be good, but they can be bad too. Sometimes I worry that I have to put up with the bullshit of the cliques just to talk to a girl, and I might just say fuck it.

[John0101]

Yeah and see the thing is, I'm the kinda person that doesn't really have a clique. I jump from clique to clique. I just roam, with no place to call home :(


I understand how cliques can be good, but they can be bad too. Sometimes I worry that I have to put up with the bullshit of the cliques just to talk to a girl, and I might just say fuck it.

You have to find your friends not just any clique, people that you can talk too, people you can trust, people that you can do stuff with, people that actually care about you. After you find your friends you usually find your clique. After HS and going into college you notice who your real friends are, these are the people that keep in touch and go out of their way so u guys can chill n stuff. The rest of the people you knew but never talked to is just your clique.
Don't automatically judge people when you don't even know them.

[noodlenoodle]

Oh boy, Hiroshi2, it sounds like I am in the same position as you are. I felt I should leave a note here saying you are definitely not alone on this. I can relate to everything you've said, and I mean everything. It's very alienating to see everyone around me looking like they're having blast and I am just standing in the sideline, questioning whether why I am like this.

I'm not sure how relevant this is, but I'll say it anyway, I've learnt that people generally don't care as much you think they do. If you do or think you'll do something stupid or silly.

Ok well I thought this post is appropiate, my first post and I've been lurking here for a while since I'm err.. shy. :P

[Hiroshi2]

You have to find your friends not just any clique, people that you can talk too, people you can trust, people that you can do stuff with, people that actually care about you. After you find your friends you usually find your clique. After HS and going into college you notice who your real friends are, these are the people that keep in touch and go out of their way so u guys can chill n stuff. The rest of the people you knew but never talked to is just your clique.
Don't automatically judge people when you don't even know them.



Believe me, I don't judge people for real. I've been surprised way too many times.


There are just some people I really want to get to know, like some girls I like not just because of their looks but they have really great personalities, or at least it seems. They're energtic and interesting and more than likely, "out-of-my-league." I hate using terms like that, I have a friend who some would say is "out-of-my-league" but she's really sweet and a very good friend to me.

[Hiroshi2]

Oh boy, Hiroshi2, it sounds like I am in the same position as you are. I felt I should leave a note here saying you are definitely not alone on this. I can relate to everything you've said, and I mean everything. It's very alienating to see everyone around me looking like they're having blast and I am just standing in the sideline, questioning whether why I am like this.

I'm not sure how relevant this is, but I'll say it anyway, I've learnt that people generally don't care as much you think they do. If you do or think you'll do something stupid or silly.

Ok well I thought this is post appropiate, my first post and I've been lurking here for a while. :P



I understand noodle. I guess self-consciousness really is what drives that feeling, but I guess you gotta learn to take the focus off of yourself (that is to say, YOUR focus off of yourself).

BTW, welcome to the forum!

[John0101]

Oh boy, Hiroshi2, it sounds like I am in the same position as you are. I felt I should leave a note here saying you are definitely not alone on this. I can relate to everything you've said, and I mean everything. It's very alienating to see everyone around me looking like they're having blast and I am just standing in the sideline, questioning whether why I am like this.

I'm not sure how relevant this is, but I'll say it anyway, I've learnt that people generally don't care as much you think they do. If you do or think you'll do something stupid or silly.

Ok well I thought this post is appropiate, my first post and I've been lurking here for a while since I'm err.. shy. :P

Hey noodlenoodle :poking:

Every aint having a blast, trust me on that. They all just got shit they want to do, ie. get into a good college, into sports, etc. If you really want to be comfortable with yourself get a gun and bump some blow. But I suggest finding something that you like in school and sticking with it till your the best.

[noodlenoodle]

Hiroshi2: Ah yes, I know what you mean. I've always been more than a little self-absorbed into my own world and how I think I appear to others, which really isn't how I am actually look.

John0101: Yup I know that now, that is usually how I percieve everything :unsure:

And thank you for welcoming me :D I really should introduce myself sometime, huh?

[coagulated fat]

noodle.. do it! I think it's very cool of you to be brave enough to say something when you see someone else feeling the same way you do.

[angelwiththesword]

i just asked for the number of this rather nice woman a couple weeks ago.

apparently, she was taken aback by my asking for her number, since it'd been at least 5 years since anyone had done that (she said that, and i highly HIGHLY doubt it).

anyhow, as it turns out, she's attached. but she is getting rather friendly with me, so i'm up for seeing how this turns out.

[ellsworth81]

unfortunately, i've faced and still face the things you are currently facing, H2. And I'm a fuckin' adult now. 2pac said, "through every dark night, there's a bright day after that", if that means anything to you. it's profound, but helps to keep things in perspective

[Hiroshi2]

Well I just got through talking to the girl I was talking about. Didn't get to talk for too long, I think I screwed up a little though. She complimented me on my clothes but I forgot to return the compliment, of course I thought she was looking nice too. Hmmmm, well there's alwyas the party Friday......

[Fireblade]

Just talk to her like you normally talk to others. And then admit to her that you were kinda shy around her, since she's so.... pretty, so to speak. Anyway, cheer up. I'm sure you'll get better.

[Hiroshi2]

Just talk to her like you normally talk to others. And then admit to her that you were kinda shy around her, since she's so.... pretty, so to speak. Anyway, cheer up. I'm sure you'll get better.



Yeah, but I guess when you have a crush on somebody it can be hard to realize that they're just people too, cause we tend to put them up on pedestials or whatever.

But yeah sometimes I just feel like saying it right there that I'm a little shy cause I'd swear she could read my mind, like if I pass by her and avoid looking at her because I'm too shy to speak, she ALWAYS comes up and speaks to me first. Guess I didn't want to come off as too sensitve.

[nonamerasian]

I recently turned shy.

I hate it.

[TB4000]

I recently turned shy.

I hate it.
Quit blushing, girl.

[Kuchana]

Did I answer this already? No matter.

Sometimes I get shy nowadays. A lot more when I was younger.

[Mr.Lum]

Not really. When I was little.

[BigLew]

Not in the least.

[moser]

More misanthopic than shy nowadays

[mrazntre]

I don't talk to a lot of people that's not because I'm shy or anything. It's actually because I know I'm better than them so why even waste my time.

[nola]

i'm shy and quiet the older i get. i used to alternate between this and being loud and outgoing.

[tapestrybabe]

i dont talk that much...
but i dont know if thats due to being shy...
or if its just a way to keep my distance...

[heykitten]

Tehehe, remember I was noodlenoodle, people. I asked a guy to go to my school ball with me earlier this year. And he said yes! So so relieved when he finally answered. I'm more upfront when it comes to relationships now because well, I hate the whole does s/he like me or not guessing game.

[John0101]

good job heykitty!

This thread came full circle.

btw i thought noodlenoodle was a guy.

[Pookie_gal]

Actually, I'm different to the others. I never used to be shy when I was younger - used to ask strangers out and stuff. But now, I am 'really' shy especially when I meet new people. I wouldn't ask a guy out nowadays! A friend told (advised) me that women should never make the first move, that we should play it cool. But then I wonder whether that makes me seem aloof and distant - plus it sucks being single around Christmas. *sigh*

[heykitten]

Pfffft with his advice pookie_gal, if you want the guy I say go for it! I don't see why guys should be always making the first move. :wink:

Thanks John ^.^
My name was gender neutral but yeah, I'm too girly to be mistaken for a guy now. :tongue:

[Redhawk]

Yep! I don't date until the woman makes the first move, but after that it never works out. So, I guess I'm afraid of rejection. No real social life because of it. I'm ashamed of being shy. I don't think most women like shy guys. They think being shy is a weakness.
Men are not supposed to be shy. That's what most people think.

[DragonKnight]

Oh, the stereotypes...

All in all, its all about one's own personal preference. I don't believe that guys should always make the first move nor do I believe that girls should be the ones to be pursued instead of pursuing. Of course, I don't believe in excess either (the ultra shy guy or the overly aggressive girl). So there's that balance to be made in all this. Plus, also try to figure out what the person on the other end is feeling (once again, a preference thing). It's a very difficult game to play but then that's the whole thrill of it all.