How We Treat Our Men--

[Barbs]

Ladies--

Do you ever feel obligated, compelled, or simply willing to "wait on" the men in your relationships?

What I'm referring to is things like: washing dishes, cooking, doing laundry, cleaning, picking up after him, etc. etc. etc.

Do you feel like these tasks are something that you, as the woman, should be doing? Have any of you ever inadvertently cultivated a pattern of behavior with your man such that they come to expect YOU to do these things?

It's not that the men in our lives are UNWILLING or UNABLE to do these things. To the contrary, I think most men these days are pretty open-minded.

I think Asian-American women tend to consciously or sub-consciously fall into this pattern of behavior. I'm not sure if it's from observing our mothers or what....

[Deadpool]

So is it wrong or something? I mean if you are against it....I'll tell you what. Don't ever ask a man to move a heavy object or help you move, etc....
Methinks theres some double standards here. A woman can do whatever she wants, have her cake and eat it to but a man needs to be a "Man"

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by Deadpool@May 30 2003, 05:15 PM
So is it wrong or something? I mean if you are against it....I'll tell you what. Don't ever ask a man to move a heavy object or help you move, etc....
Methinks theres some double standards here. A woman can do whatever she wants, have her cake and eat it to but a man needs to be a "Man"
well, except that, of the women that i know who don't want guys that expect them to be domestic, most of them are also willing to do things like heavy lifting, fixing appliances, etc. it's the women that would want their men to do the heavy lifting that enjoy (to a certain extend) domestic work.

at least this is my own observation.

[YuheiCarreau]

Originally posted by Deadpool@May 30 2003, 03:15 PM
So is it wrong or something? I mean if you are against it....I'll tell you what. Don't ever ask a man to move a heavy object or help you move, etc....
Methinks theres some double standards here. A woman can do whatever she wants, have her cake and eat it to but a man needs to be a "Man"
:rolleyes: Yeah, have their cake, eat it, earn 75¢ on the dollar, worry about whether they can walk home alone at night...

Not to sound like a ragin' feminazi or anything, but you're looking at the situation in very black-and-white terms.

[amietron]

yeah. i think to an extent, i like it. JDM, yo.

[ChairmanMah]

Originally posted by Deadpool@May 30 2003, 01:15 PM
So is it wrong or something? I mean if you are against it....I'll tell you what. Don't ever ask a man to move a heavy object or help you move, etc....
Methinks theres some double standards here. A woman can do whatever she wants, have her cake and eat it to but a man needs to be a "Man"
i'm w/ you brother.
try mowing the lawn, fixing the sink, drywalling, assembling something etc.

[AliBabaIncorporated]

me personally, I have no problem doing heavy lifting and repairs, or cooking, washing dishes, vacuuming, etc. for a girl. Cuz I've lived in dorms and apartments for the past 8 years where all us guys had to do that for each other anyway. Though I wouldn't expect her to reciprocate on the heavy lifting or repairs (maybe cuz all the girls I've dated were electronically, mechanically, and automotively inept), I'd hope she'd reciprocate on the other stuff if I did it for her.

To be honest the only real unreciprocated demand I make on a girl I'm dating is for her to make me coffee or tea.

(oh yeah and not to get off topic but the 75 cents on the dollar statistic is pure bullshit, at least the way people try to interpret it to mean there's gross unfairness out there with women doing the same jobs as men and only get 3/4 the pay ...)

[coagulated fat]

Originally posted by Deadpool@May 30 2003, 01:15 PM
So is it wrong or something? I mean if you are against it....I'll tell you what. Don't ever ask a man to move a heavy object or help you move, etc....
Methinks theres some double standards here. A woman can do whatever she wants, have her cake and eat it to but a man needs to be a "Man"
I think there is a difference between asking someone stronger to lift a heavy object because they are capable of doing it and asking someone to make you a cup of coffee because it is their societal role to do so.

[YuheiCarreau]

Originally posted by AliBabaIncorporated@May 30 2003, 05:54 PM
(oh yeah and not to get off topic but the 75 cents on the dollar statistic is pure bullshit, at least the way people try to interpret it to mean there's gross unfairness out there with women doing the same jobs as men and only get 3/4 the pay ...)
Pick, pick, pick. :P

[Saiko]

I don't do things because I feel obligated to. I do them because I want to.
So sometimes I might be nice and do things for my SO like that, because I care and it feels good to show it.

[angel nympho]

OBLIGATED, no. WILLING TO... sometimes. Sometimes, if he's sick or tired or something, I don't mind helping him out. But I do it because if it happens to be ME who got into bed first or if it happens to be ME who's not feeling well, he does it for me, too. Or I'll do his laundry if he buys me dinner or something like that. I don't do things like that because I feel like I HAVE to. And I like doing nice things because he thinks it's adorable and I usually get laid pretty good afterwards. :D

[sandra]

Originally posted by ChairmanMah@May 30 2003, 02:52 PM
Originally posted by Deadpool@May 30 2003, 01:15 PM
So is it wrong or something? I mean if you are against it....I'll tell you what. Don't ever ask a man to move a heavy object or help you move, etc....
Methinks theres some double standards here. A woman can do whatever she wants, have her cake and eat it to but a man needs to be a "Man"
i'm w/ you brother.
try mowing the lawn, fixing the sink, drywalling, assembling something etc.
how often are those things done? as opposed to cooking at least 2 meals a day - for the entire family, doing the laundry, keeping the home tidy, etc.

what i find especially amusing in this thread is how excited or angry some men get whenever the current roles of men and women are questioned. feeling threatened?

my answer to barb's question is yes. especially as i'm getting older. it's not because they ask or expect...it's just that we both assume different roles. perhaps from observing our parents. and i agree with what coagulated fat said.

[sandra]

Originally posted by angel nympho@May 30 2003, 05:13 PM
And I like doing nice things because he thinks it's adorable and I usually get laid pretty good afterwards. :D
this happens to me, too. particularly when i wear my cheongsam while doing my chores and permit him to call me his "little kumquat".

[Fireblade]

Originally posted by kasia@May 30 2003, 07:13 PM
what i find especially amusing in this thread is how excited or angry some men get whenever the current roles of men and women are questioned. feeling threatened?

my answer to barb's question is yes. especially as i'm getting older. and i agree with what coagulated fat said.
Is it simply because of the company you spend time with, or is it imposed onto to you by your parents?

I find that usually around me and my friends, none of my chick friends feel obligated to do anything for us. Usually it's us guys who pour the tea, grabs the extra chicken leg, cleans the dishes, etc.

But I don't hang out with normal people :P

I suppose that if by society's standard, women feel as though they should be doing these things, because of how our heirarchy of women and men lie. But because some of the gender roles are being turned around, the walls are being knocked down.

And if I ever asked my sister to do the dishes, she'd lay the smackdown on me. Just to let ya girls know. :rolleyes:

[YuheiCarreau]

I think it also has to do with how men and women show affection. IMO, men like to show affection by treating their girlfriend to a nice meal, taking her out somewhere, buying her a present, etc., whereas women like to do stuff Barbs mentioned for their boyfriends to show they care. It's just a difference in the way we think, and from what I've seen a lot of men sometimes want their girlfriends to take 'em out and a lot of women wish their boyfriends would do more for them!

[sandra]

Originally posted by Fireblade@May 30 2003, 06:19 PM
Is it simply because of the company you spend time with, or is it imposed onto to you by your parents?

I find that usually around me and my friends, none of my chick friends feel obligated to do anything for us. Usually it's us guys who pour the tea, grabs the extra chicken leg, cleans the dishes, etc.

But I don't hang out with normal people :P

I suppose that if by society's standard, women feel as though they should be doing these things, because of how our heirarchy of women and men lie. But because some of the gender roles are being turned around, the walls are being knocked down.

And if I ever asked my sister to do the dishes, she'd lay the smackdown on me. Just to let ya girls know. :rolleyes:
it's only with my bf's - not my friends...unless we're hanging out at my place, cause i like to play hostess, but then i'd serve both my guy and girl friends.

and i agree with what yuhei c. says. it's to show affection. to show i care. also to feel like a good girlfriend. i'm kinda a perfectionist when it comes to certain things, and that happens to be one of them. it's just odd why we do these domestic things to show affection, etc.

[teaz0r]

most of the time. i'm the handygirl. miss fix it. plumbing et al.
and my boyfriend's that housey husband. he's a much better
cook than i am.

but there was a time that i enjoy doing the girlie shit, when
i was still living abroad. i don't really get much of a chance to
cook or clean here. why clean it yourself when you have cheap
labour? i might like organise his dresser. that's about it. i don't
like messing with other people's stuff.

i like doing the boy-intended roles too. like send flowers. buy
little presents. whipped. i like sending flowers to boys. it's fun.
especially to their office. and make them all shy. me likey.

[coagulated fat]

Originally posted by teaz0r@May 30 2003, 08:32 PM

i like doing the boy-intended roles too. like send flowers. buy
little presents. whipped. i like sending flowers to boys. it's fun.
especially to their office. and make them all shy. me likey.
I always liked the idea of sending boys flowers, but do the boys like it? (This question isn't rhetorical, I really do want to know)

[Fireblade]

Originally posted by coagulated fat@May 30 2003, 09:41 PM
I always liked the idea of sending boys flowers, but do the boys like it? (This question isn't rhetorical, I really do want to know)
Depends on the guy. Personally, I wouldn't mind if I was exclusively dating someone. It'd probably let me know that it shows that she cares. But being the paranoid freak I am, it might also suggest that she's supsicious of me, and is sending flowers as a sign to my co-workers to "back-off he's mine!". But like I said.. I'm a paranoid freak.

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by kasia@May 30 2003, 10:13 PM
what i find especially amusing in this thread is how excited or angry some men get whenever the current roles of men and women are questioned. feeling threatened?
hey leave me out of that. my momma taught me to respect women. she herself is very strong, plus i grew up watching both my aunties on my father's side being strong and fierce women.

[YuheiCarreau]

Originally posted by coagulated fat@May 30 2003, 10:41 PM
Originally posted by teaz0r@May 30 2003, 08:32 PM

i like doing the boy-intended roles too. like send flowers. buy
little presents. whipped. i like sending flowers to boys. it's fun.
especially to their office. and make them all shy. me likey.
I always liked the idea of sending boys flowers, but do the boys like it? (This question isn't rhetorical, I really do want to know)
The question you should really be asking is, do the boys know what to do with 'em?

This past February my roommate saw a really cheap deal on roses online, so he bought 'em (this is like that other thread... 'typical Chinese thing to do, be stingy and materialistic at the same time'). When they arrived he gave one to each girl on our floor.

Next day, I go to see some of these girls. Indian girl? Rose sitting in a vase of water on her desk. Chinese girl? Rose sitting in a tall glass on her dresser. American girls? Roses bunched together in the common room in a pitcher filled with, you guessed it, water.

So then I walk into my roommate's room. His remaining roses are sitting in a coffee cup full of pencils and have wilted noticeably. He can't figure out why the roses are 'sick'. I ask him, "did you put them in water?" He blinks for a second, then takes the rose out of the coffee cup (completely dry, of course) and shows me the stem. It's still in the little vial which had a tiny amount of water in it to keep the roses alive during shipping; now, 24 hours later, the vial is empty. "You have to put them in water?!" he says.

[lethal]

Originally posted by coagulated fat@May 31 2003, 12:41 AM
I always liked the idea of sending boys flowers, but do the boys like it? (This question isn't rhetorical, I really do want to know)
I personally don't like em, but ask in the Men's forum...or search for that thread...I think its been asked before.

[moschikat]

nope. i like having the whip in my hand though . . .


and i've been told I make a good mistress . . . when I sit shot gun, I take the parking ticket, get the sunglasses, feed the driver, and give "massages"

:lol:

whether it's a guy OR a girl

[golden_buns]

Originally posted by coagulated fat@May 30 2003, 08:41 PM
I always liked the idea of sending boys flowers, but do the boys like it? (This question isn't rhetorical, I really do want to know)
nope, the first thought I get in my mind is; "great, what am I gonna do with this"

[golden_buns]

women never seem to appreciate men spending time at the gym.
Hey, it's not like we find pleasure lifting heavy weights and breaking our backs like that. We do this just for YOU

[artsfartsyjanet]

Originally posted by ChairmanMah@May 30 2003, 05:52 PM
Originally posted by Deadpool@May 30 2003, 01:15 PM
So is it wrong or something? I mean if you are against it....I'll tell you what. Don't ever ask a man to move a heavy object or help you move, etc....
Methinks theres some double standards here. A woman can do whatever she wants, have her cake and eat it to but a man needs to be a "Man"
i'm w/ you brother.
try mowing the lawn, fixing the sink, drywalling, assembling something etc.
I always mow the lawn at my house... the front, sides, and the backyard... and I have assembled many things.

[Emperor_Mike]

Originally posted by coagulated fat@May 30 2003, 08:41 PM
Originally posted by teaz0r@May 30 2003, 08:32 PM

i like doing the boy-intended roles too. like send flowers. buy
little presents. whipped. i like sending flowers to boys. it's fun.
especially to their office. and make them all shy. me likey.
I always liked the idea of sending boys flowers, but do the boys like it? (This question isn't rhetorical, I really do want to know)
Not really. I'd have to find a place to put them and worry about the flowers dying. I buy flowers for girls though. One of my ex-GFs didn't like flowers, however. She said she'd much rather prefer I buy her dinner instead. :rolleyes: :D

[Napoleon Chynamite]

I'd much rather prefer something that I can chew on rather than any type of flowers that are meant to sit around and smell or look good.

[deez nuts]

i could care less if my girlfriend does it. if i have time, i'll do it.

but come on now, i don't know any asian woman from our generation (fob or abc) that's willing to cater to you hand and foot, as well as clean up after you constantly without complaining or asking you (the boyfriend) to pull your fair share.

i have no qualms about cooking, cleaning, serving my girlfriend dinner etc etc etc, if i have time.

never seen it as a power struggle or a big deal. i do it without complaining or with no strings attached. in other words, there's no running list in my mind on who did what and when.

i, also, feel uncomfortable when my girlfriend caters to me constantly.

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by Chasiubao_Boy@Jun 1 2003, 11:28 AM
i could care less if my girlfriend does it. if i have time, i'll do it.

but come on now, i don't know any asian woman from our generation (fob or abc) that's willing to cater to you hand and foot, as well as clean up after you constantly without complaining or asking you (the boyfriend) to pull your fair share.

i have no qualms about cooking, cleaning, serving my girlfriend dinner etc etc etc, if i have time.

never seen it as a power struggle or a big deal. i do it without complaining or with no strings attached. in other words, there's no running list in my mind on who did what and when.

i, also, feel uncomfortable when my girlfriend caters to me constantly.
ditto.

i mean if there's laundry to be done or a meal to be cooked and you don't go do it, then you're just a lazy ass. that is all.

[artsfartsyjanet]

Originally posted by Emperor_Mike@Jun 1 2003, 02:07 AM
Originally posted by coagulated fat@May 30 2003, 08:41 PM
Originally posted by teaz0r@May 30 2003, 08:32 PM

i like doing the boy-intended roles too. like send flowers. buy
little presents. whipped. i like sending flowers to boys. it's fun.
especially to their office. and make them all shy. me likey.
I always liked the idea of sending boys flowers, but do the boys like it? (This question isn't rhetorical, I really do want to know)
Not really. I'd have to find a place to put them and worry about the flowers dying. I buy flowers for girls though. One of my ex-GFs didn't like flowers, however. She said she'd much rather prefer I buy her dinner instead. :rolleyes: :D
my bf has never sent or given me flowers and i'm fine with that. I'm an economical gf. :D

[artsfartsyjanet]

My bf and I make compromises.... I hate washing dishes. So, if he cooks, I'll wash the dishes. If I cook, he washes the dishes. Usually, I like to cook b/c I know more recipes than he does, and I enjoy cooking. Of course, he washes the dishes most of the time as well. As for taking out the trash, he and I take turns taking it out. We do the laundry together or separately. He still helps me with the car, but he also teaches me how to fix it so that I can be self-sufficient. :luv:

[PizzaSuCks]

Originally posted by artsfartsyjanet@Jun 1 2003, 08:36 AM
Originally posted by Emperor_Mike@Jun 1 2003, 02:07 AM
Originally posted by coagulated fat@May 30 2003, 08:41 PM
Originally posted by teaz0r@May 30 2003, 08:32 PM

i like doing the boy-intended roles too. like send flowers. buy
little presents. whipped. i like sending flowers to boys. it's fun.
especially to their office. and make them all shy. me likey.
I always liked the idea of sending boys flowers, but do the boys like it? (This question isn't rhetorical, I really do want to know)
Not really. I'd have to find a place to put them and worry about the flowers dying. I buy flowers for girls though. One of my ex-GFs didn't like flowers, however. She said she'd much rather prefer I buy her dinner instead. :rolleyes: :D
my bf has never sent or given me flowers and i'm fine with that. I'm an economical gf. :D
Let me guess, he's white as well if you don't mind me asking :D

[ChairmanMah]

Originally posted by artsfartsyjanet@Jun 1 2003, 08:36 AM

my bf has never sent or given me flowers and i'm fine with that. I'm an economical gf. :D
he's never given you flowers??? what a creep.

[Chester]

Originally posted by YuheiCarreau@May 30 2003, 10:15 PM
Originally posted by coagulated fat@May 30 2003, 10:41 PM
Originally posted by teaz0r@May 30 2003, 08:32 PM

i like doing the boy-intended roles too. like send flowers. buy
little presents. whipped. i like sending flowers to boys. it's fun.
especially to their office. and make them all shy. me likey.
I always liked the idea of sending boys flowers, but do the boys like it? (This question isn't rhetorical, I really do want to know)
The question you should really be asking is, do the boys know what to do with 'em?

So then I walk into my roommate's room. His remaining roses are sitting in a coffee cup full of pencils and have wilted noticeably.
Hah, I was about to write: flowers would be a nice thing, but you'd best send/give them with a vase, because most guys are liable to bang around looking for a proper container, then give up and stuff them in a coffee mug.

But most guys would know to fill the coffee mug with water, at least. Your roommate is abnormally clueless.

Kind of like one of my old roommates who once asked me, "how do you boil water?"

"You fill the pot with water then turn on the heat, you moron."

"Yeah...I know that...but how do you know when it's done?"

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by PizzaSuCks@Jun 1 2003, 01:05 PM
Originally posted by artsfartsyjanet@Jun 1 2003, 08:36 AM
Originally posted by Emperor_Mike@Jun 1 2003, 02:07 AM
Originally posted by coagulated fat@May 30 2003, 08:41 PM
Originally posted by teaz0r@May 30 2003, 08:32 PM

i like doing the boy-intended roles too. like send flowers. buy
little presents. whipped. i like sending flowers to boys. it's fun.
especially to their office. and make them all shy. me likey.
I always liked the idea of sending boys flowers, but do the boys like it? (This question isn't rhetorical, I really do want to know)
Not really. I'd have to find a place to put them and worry about the flowers dying. I buy flowers for girls though. One of my ex-GFs didn't like flowers, however. She said she'd much rather prefer I buy her dinner instead. :rolleyes: :D
my bf has never sent or given me flowers and i'm fine with that. I'm an economical gf. :D
Let me guess, he's white as well if you don't mind me asking :D
what the hell is your problem?

[artsfartsyjanet]

Originally posted by ChairmanMah@Jun 1 2003, 01:02 PM
Originally posted by artsfartsyjanet@Jun 1 2003, 08:36 AM

my bf has never sent or given me flowers and i'm fine with that.  I'm an economical gf. :D
he's never given you flowers??? what a creep.
He's not a creep if I don't care if he doesn't give me flowers.

[artsfartsyjanet]

Originally posted by PizzaSuCks@Jun 1 2003, 12:05 PM

Let me guess, he's white as well if you don't mind me asking :D
Are you guessing or asking? If you're guessing, what does race have to do with whether or not he gives flowers? If you're asking, you're not really asking.

[DragonKnight]

Originally posted by Chasiubao_Boy@Jun 1 2003, 07:28 AM
i, also, feel uncomfortable when my girlfriend caters to me constantly.
Yep, same here. Just doesn't feel right. Plus, I ain't trippin about cooking food, setting up the table, washing the dishes, and massaging her feet after she gets back from the office. I take great pride in those things. :)

[amietron]

Originally posted by LL_Cool_D@Jun 1 2003, 12:21 PM
Yeah, but you can't deny there are mysogonistic assholes around that expect their women to cook and clean for them and think it's traditional and it should be that way.
What's worse - some women from Asian countries think that is the correct way which I disagree with wholeheartedly.
If their mommies treated them that way I think it'd be natural for them to expect those same things from their wives. It's about their mindset, isn't it? Or status? Something?

My mom and grandma always say things like if I can't do domestic work I'll never find a husband or something to that extent. If I can't cook and clean, nobody will want me because I'll be good for nothing.

[Emperor_Mike]

Originally posted by LL_Cool_D@Jun 1 2003, 12:21 PM
Originally posted by SunWuKung@Jun 1 2003, 07:37 AM
Originally posted by Chasiubao_Boy@Jun 1 2003, 11:28 AM
i could care less if my girlfriend does it. if i have time, i'll do it.

but come on now, i don't know any asian woman from our generation (fob or abc) that's willing to cater to you hand and foot, as well as clean up after you constantly without complaining or asking you (the boyfriend) to pull your fair share.

i have no qualms about cooking, cleaning, serving my girlfriend dinner etc etc etc, if i have time.

never seen it as a power struggle or a big deal. i do it without complaining or with no strings attached. in other words, there's no running list in my mind on who did what and when.

i, also, feel uncomfortable when my girlfriend caters to me constantly.
ditto.

i mean if there's laundry to be done or a meal to be cooked and you don't go do it, then you're just a lazy ass. that is all.
Yeah, but you can't deny there are mysogonistic assholes around that expect their women to cook and clean for them and think it's traditional and it should be that way.
What's worse - some women from Asian countries think that is the correct way which I disagree with wholeheartedly.
Me too. I like my women to be independent and definitely not "subservient." That's old fashioned and really now, if I want someone to clean and cook for me I'd get a maid. :rolleyes:

[angel nympho]

Originally posted by ChairmanMah@Jun 1 2003, 06:02 PM
Originally posted by artsfartsyjanet@Jun 1 2003, 08:36 AM

my bf has never sent or given me flowers and i'm fine with that.  I'm an economical gf. :D
he's never given you flowers??? what a creep.
My BF has never gotten me flowers either. But that's because I don't like flowers. Well, I like them, but I'd rather my boyfriend save the $50 he'd spend on a dozen roses that'll die in a few days and use it on some cool new video games for me or some clothes or something.

[ChairmanMah]

Originally posted by angel nympho@Jun 1 2003, 03:10 PM
Originally posted by ChairmanMah@Jun 1 2003, 06:02 PM
Originally posted by artsfartsyjanet@Jun 1 2003, 08:36 AM

my bf has never sent or given me flowers and i'm fine with that. I'm an economical gf. :D
he's never given you flowers??? what a creep.
My BF has never gotten me flowers either. But that's because I don't like flowers. Well, I like them, but I'd rather my boyfriend save the $50 he'd spend on a dozen roses that'll die in a few days and use it on some cool new video games for me or some clothes or something.
i can see where you and AFJ are coming from.

i think alot of girls share this mentality. And it is good not to expect stuff from your bf because that would be golddigging.

but getting tony hawk pro skater for ps2 is very different than getting roses on valentine's. it is somewhat unusual but i can see your point. I actually like giving useful gifts too but Flowers are definately more emotional as a show of affection but less practical however.

But i guess it's up to the girl to want that. Maybe you just don't care because the relationship isn't serious.

[angel nympho]

Originally posted by ChairmanMah@Jun 2 2003, 12:32 AM
Originally posted by angel nympho@Jun 1 2003, 03:10 PM
Originally posted by ChairmanMah@Jun 1 2003, 06:02 PM
Originally posted by artsfartsyjanet@Jun 1 2003, 08:36 AM

my bf has never sent or given me flowers and i'm fine with that. I'm an economical gf. :D
he's never given you flowers??? what a creep.
My BF has never gotten me flowers either. But that's because I don't like flowers. Well, I like them, but I'd rather my boyfriend save the $50 he'd spend on a dozen roses that'll die in a few days and use it on some cool new video games for me or some clothes or something.
i can see where you and AFJ are coming from.

i think alot of girls share this mentality. And it is good not to expect stuff from your bf because that would be golddigging.

but getting tony hawk pro skater for ps2 is very different than getting roses on valentine's. it is somewhat unusual but i can see your point. I actually like giving useful gifts too but Flowers are definately more emotional as a show of affection but less practical however.

But i guess it's up to the girl to want that. Maybe you just don't care because the relationship isn't serious.
On the contrary... this relationship, over the past few weeks, has become VERY serious. I guess it kinda always was in his eyes, I just never really thought of it that way. But anyway, on Valentine's Day when he showed up with a pair of lift tickets to Summit, I was actually really happy that he knows me well enough to know exactly what I want and what I wanted to spend the day doing. I thought that was a pretty good read on his part into what I wanted. And I thought that was the real show of affection... Plus, a day out in the snow together was pretty cute and, ya know, all cheesy and stuff. For my birthday, I got the Finding Nemo Gameboy Advance game.... wrapped up in Spongebob Squarepants paper with teddy bears all over the card. It might not be as typical a show of affection, but it was the fact that he knows exactly what I love and he knows what appeals to me that I see as a really emotional gift. :D

[coagulated fat]

LIFT TICKETS?!!!

:luv: swoon....

[angel nympho]

Originally posted by coagulated fat@Jun 2 2003, 06:39 AM
LIFT TICKETS?!!!

:luv: swoon....
Whoo, you're tellen me. :luv: :luv: :luv:

[sandra]

Originally posted by angel nympho@Jun 1 2003, 08:33 PM
Originally posted by ChairmanMah@Jun 2 2003, 12:32 AM
Originally posted by angel nympho@Jun 1 2003, 03:10 PM
Originally posted by ChairmanMah@Jun 1 2003, 06:02 PM
Originally posted by artsfartsyjanet@Jun 1 2003, 08:36 AM

my bf has never sent or given me flowers and i'm fine with that. I'm an economical gf. :D
he's never given you flowers??? what a creep.
My BF has never gotten me flowers either. But that's because I don't like flowers. Well, I like them, but I'd rather my boyfriend save the $50 he'd spend on a dozen roses that'll die in a few days and use it on some cool new video games for me or some clothes or something.
i can see where you and AFJ are coming from.

i think alot of girls share this mentality. And it is good not to expect stuff from your bf because that would be golddigging.

but getting tony hawk pro skater for ps2 is very different than getting roses on valentine's. it is somewhat unusual but i can see your point. I actually like giving useful gifts too but Flowers are definately more emotional as a show of affection but less practical however.

But i guess it's up to the girl to want that. Maybe you just don't care because the relationship isn't serious.
On the contrary... this relationship, over the past few weeks, has become VERY serious. I guess it kinda always was in his eyes, I just never really thought of it that way. But anyway, on Valentine's Day when he showed up with a pair of lift tickets to Summit, I was actually really happy that he knows me well enough to know exactly what I want and what I wanted to spend the day doing. I thought that was a pretty good read on his part into what I wanted. And I thought that was the real show of affection... Plus, a day out in the snow together was pretty cute and, ya know, all cheesy and stuff. For my birthday, I got the Finding Nemo Gameboy Advance game.... wrapped up in Spongebob Squarepants paper with teddy bears all over the card. It might not be as typical a show of affection, but it was the fact that he knows exactly what I love and he knows what appeals to me that I see as a really emotional gift. :D
i guess this ties in with the topic b/c it's about what we expect...

and i'm with angel and janet - flowers can be generic and boring after a while. when a guy puts more thought into his gift, it's a much greater show of affection.

[Fireblade]

Originally posted by kasia@Jun 2 2003, 02:06 AM
and i'm with angel and janet - flowers can be generic and boring after a while. when a guy puts more thought into his gift, it's a much greater show of affection.
Tell the jewlery companies, the corporate media, and women's magazines that. Cuz they obviously paint a different picture, and hope to God/Devil/Budda that we men spend more money for your happiness. But if all it takes is a non-materialistic notion that we write a poem for you, and give you a self-made photo album with pictures of you and your significant other... shoot, I'm all for it.

But until that day happens, I'm still gonna be in the dark about what girls like.

[artsfartsyjanet]

Originally posted by DragonKnight@Jun 1 2003, 03:33 PM
Yep, same here. Just doesn't feel right. Plus, I ain't trippin about cooking food, setting up the table, washing the dishes, and massaging her feet after she gets back from the office. I take great pride in those things. :)
You guys are such sweeties. =)

[artsfartsyjanet]

Originally posted by ChairmanMah@Jun 1 2003, 07:32 PM

But i guess it's up to the girl to want that. Maybe you just don't care because the relationship isn't serious.
On the contrary, my bf and I are very serious with the relationship. Showing affection comes in many forms. He came home early from work one day b/c I wasn't feeling well in the stomach. So he made soup and crawled in bed to put his hand on my stomach as a form of heat therapy until I felt better. That meant more than a bundle of flowers and a get well card.

Originally posted by Fireblade@Jun 2 2003, 05:55 AM
Tell the jewlery companies, the corporate media, and women's magazines that. Cuz they obviously paint a different picture, and hope to God/Devil/Budda that we men spend more money for your happiness. But if all it takes is a non-materialistic notion that we write a poem for you, and give you a self-made photo album with pictures of you and your significant other... shoot, I'm all for it.

But until that day happens, I'm still gonna be in the dark about what girls like.
It depends on the individual. I know women who measure a man by the amount of clothes, flowers, candy, and what not he buys for her. If either party doesn't care, then more power to them. A lot of men spend a lot of money for their partners b/c they feel she's worth it and deserves it. I think that's great too, but it's too overwhelming for me. It's almost suffocating. I'd rather keep it simple, and I'm happy with that. My bf and I are proud dorks... we just finished a 500-pc. jigsaw puzzle together, he was there for me when my grandmother passed away, he calls me at work just to see how I'm doing or if I'm awake yet, corney things like that..... Little things tickle my fancy.

[Fireblade]

Originally posted by artsfartsyjanet@Jun 2 2003, 09:11 AM
It depends on the individual. I know women who measure a man by the amount of clothes, flowers, candy, and what not he buys for her. If either party doesn't care, then more power to them. A lot of men spend a lot of money for their partners b/c they feel she's worth it and deserves it. I think that's great too, but it's too overwhelming for me. It's almost suffocating. I'd rather keep it simple, and I'm happy with that. My bf and I are proud dorks... we just finished a 500-pc. jigsaw puzzle together, he was there for me when my grandmother passed away, he calls me at work just to see how I'm doing or if I'm awake yet, corney things like that..... Little things tickle my fancy.
That's the problem though... although I can see why some girls are meant to be pampered (I don't dig them) why should we spend like close to 5 thousand during the 3 month span of spending time with them, only to find out they demand a lot more than we could ever afford? I mean... the words "spoiled brat" comes to mind when they want the latest Gucci or what-not. And the guilt-trips they put upon you when you say no is about as childish as the next kid. "But ALL my friends have it!" Seriously, some of these women are in it to grab the most out of the man and suck them dry, until they move on to their next victim. They're like parasites, and won't appreciate the guy for who he is, because they never thought to see him that. I'm kind of sick of that, and just wish that for once, people don't get hung up on the material things in life.

But then again, I'm pointing this out, cuz I'm cheap. :P

[angel nympho]

Originally posted by Fireblade@Jun 2 2003, 10:55 AM
Tell the jewlery companies, the corporate media, and women's magazines that. Cuz they obviously paint a different picture, and hope to God/Devil/Budda that we men spend more money for your happiness. But if all it takes is a non-materialistic notion that we write a poem for you, and give you a self-made photo album with pictures of you and your significant other... shoot, I'm all for it.

But until that day happens, I'm still gonna be in the dark about what girls like.
It's not that I DONT want that.. I mean, I want jewelry and all that cool stuff just for the sheer vanity of it. But that doesn't mean I MUST have it on EVERY occasion... and that doesn't mean I won't like anything else.

[Uncle Tat]

Originally posted by Barbs@May 30 2003, 03:17 PM
Ladies--

Do you ever feel obligated, compelled, or simply willing to "wait on" the men in your relationships?

What I'm referring to is things like: washing dishes, cooking, doing laundry, cleaning, picking up after him, etc. etc. etc.

Do you feel like these tasks are something that you, as the woman, should be doing? Have any of you ever inadvertently cultivated a pattern of behavior with your man such that they come to expect YOU to do these things?

It's not that the men in our lives are UNWILLING or UNABLE to do these things. To the contrary, I think most men these days are pretty open-minded.

I think Asian-American women tend to consciously or sub-consciously fall into this pattern of behavior. I'm not sure if it's from observing our mothers or what....
What's the point of having a girlfriend if she doesn't do some of this stuff once in a while? She needs to practice right for when she gets married.

[coagulated fat]

Originally posted by Uncle Tat@Jun 2 2003, 11:55 PM
Originally posted by Barbs@May 30 2003, 03:17 PM
Ladies--

Do you ever feel obligated, compelled, or simply willing to "wait on" the men in your relationships?

What I'm referring to is things like: washing dishes, cooking, doing laundry, cleaning, picking up after him, etc. etc. etc. 

Do you feel like these tasks are something that you, as the woman, should be doing?  Have any of you ever inadvertently cultivated a pattern of behavior with your man such that they come to expect YOU to do these things? 

It's not that the men in our lives are UNWILLING or UNABLE to do these things.  To the contrary, I think most men these days are pretty open-minded.

I think Asian-American women tend to consciously or sub-consciously fall into this pattern of behavior.  I'm not sure if it's from observing our mothers or what....
What's the point of having a girlfriend if she doesn't do some of this stuff once in a while? She needs to practice right for when she gets married.

:o
:gross:

[deez nuts]

Originally posted by Uncle Tat@Jun 3 2003, 02:55 AM
Originally posted by Barbs@May 30 2003, 03:17 PM
Ladies--

Do you ever feel obligated, compelled, or simply willing to "wait on" the men in your relationships?

What I'm referring to is things like: washing dishes, cooking, doing laundry, cleaning, picking up after him, etc. etc. etc. 

Do you feel like these tasks are something that you, as the woman, should be doing?  Have any of you ever inadvertently cultivated a pattern of behavior with your man such that they come to expect YOU to do these things? 

It's not that the men in our lives are UNWILLING or UNABLE to do these things.  To the contrary, I think most men these days are pretty open-minded.

I think Asian-American women tend to consciously or sub-consciously fall into this pattern of behavior.  I'm not sure if it's from observing our mothers or what....
What's the point of having a girlfriend if she doesn't do some of this stuff once in a while? She needs to practice right for when she gets married.
hahahahaha

nice one

tat keeps it real!

[amietron]

Originally posted by Fireblade@Jun 2 2003, 05:32 PM
"But ALL my friends have it!"
if one likes pretty things like gucci watches, they should be able to afford those luxuries out of their own pockets, or their parents, but not significant others. unless of course, he gave you a credit card and said "honey, you can spend all of the money you want. i have that much money and i love you that much." in which case, i think it'd be okay to buy a watch.

[Barbs]

i like how this turned into a what guys should buy/get for us topic.

[coagulated fat]

Originally posted by Barbs@Jun 7 2003, 08:40 PM
i like how this turned into a what guys should buy/get for us topic.
lift tickets!!

[Fireblade]

Originally posted by amietron@Jun 3 2003, 10:01 AM
"honey, you can spend all of the money you want. i have that much money and i love you that much."
Isn't that just buying your love? I mean when you say "I have that much and money and i love you that much.", doesn't that convey the image that women expect you to show them love by showering them with money and gifts?

btw amy, i'm just pointing it out for sake of discussion, don't kill me. You're a nice person. :lol:

back to the subject: the media portrays tons of images of what love is. Undying love, love that conquers, and the love you spend on a person. I mean, Zales wouldn't do as well, if they didn't claim that diamonds and love were both quoted as "forever".

I don't see commericals for women doing the same for men. <_<

[kimpossible]

We're kind of traditional in the man/woman responsibilities right now but my husband was raised to help with the household chores. I have a picture of him washing dishes. I should post it sometime. Anyhow, we're hoping to trade places in about 10 years. He stays at home to play Betty Crocker and I go to work full time. It's just going to be too much physical stress to make him responsible for earning for the family for too long and I want a better chance to develop further on a professional level before I get too old.

There are some 'man' responsibilities I take care of solely. Anything automotive, a good chunk of the financial decisions, if something non-computer breaks I fix it.

I admit that I do spoil him so he feels taken care of in a womanly fashion. I learn to cook his favorite dishes, he gets bathed and massaged pretty often (sometimes he lets me put a mudmask on him and polish his fingernails), I monitor his diet and exercise.

[deez nuts]

Originally posted by ChairmanMah@Jun 1 2003, 01:02 PM
Originally posted by artsfartsyjanet@Jun 1 2003, 08:36 AM

my bf has never sent or given me flowers and i'm fine with that.&nbsp; I'm an economical gf. :D
he's never given you flowers??? what a creep.
i don't give flowers in a relationship.

flowers die. it's symbolic of the relationship dying.

drying the flowers is symbolic of the relationship drying up.

i don't want the relationship to dry up or die. the only time the relationship should dry up and die is when i dump her ass or when she dumps my ass.

[Fireblade]

Originally posted by Hello_Hapa@Jun 9 2003, 10:26 AM
There are some 'man' responsibilities I take care of solely. Anything automotive, a good chunk of the financial decisions, if something non-computer breaks I fix it.
I honestly believe that breaking down sterotypes of what's manly and what's womanly will bring more equality to the world. The fact that you know how to do those things are awesome. My sis does the same too...

Except for the automotive stuff. Usually that's either me, or my brother to find out what's wrong. But it's cool that some women know how to fix their cars. Shoot.. I'd find that downright sexy. :lol:

[Barbs]

well, my bf doesn't like washing dishes. i KNOW he is able to wash them but i just feel better washing them myself b/c (1) he doesn't like washing them; (2) i feel that i wash them cleaner.

a twist to the original theme--do women prefer doing "womanly chores" b/c it validates our femininity (in this day & age when notions of equality between sexes has eradicated many male/female distinctions?)

[coagulated fat]

I don't prefer any kind of chores. In a lot of ways I was only taught or expected to do the "womanly" domestic ones. Since these were the chores I was told to do, I did them, and of course I'm not going to look for other chores in the "manly" sector, because I'm lazy and I don't like work. So I think it's not really a matter of preference so much as a matter of what we know how to do. I've expressed an interest in learning how to do car things, but my dad isn't interested in teaching me. He is, however, interested in teaching my brother. <_<

[kimpossible]

Originally posted by Barbs@Jun 9 2003, 12:59 PM
a twist to the original theme--do women prefer doing "womanly chores" b/c it validates our femininity (in this day & age when notions of equality between sexes has eradicated many male/female distinctions?)
*scratches head* hmm. that's a tough one. i'm sure there at least in part what you propose is true in my case (don't want to speak for others). how can i not say that i'm shaped in part by my environment and culture? but to be honest i'm not sure which is a larger factor for me in 'womanly' chores. like the dishes example you mentioned, i just hate the way my husband does a lot of things. his cooking for the most part sucks, for some reason despite the fact that he's an engineer loading a dishwasher properly is beyond him (doing dishes by hand he's okay), the way he folds laundry drive me nuts... so i wonder if it's a certain amount of control freak guiding my actions also.

[Barbs]

you see, i learned w/an ex of mine that the more you (the woman) does, the less he (the man) does and the more he takes it for granted. (ie. leaving dirty dishes in the sink, strewing clothing all over the place) b/c i ENABLED that sort of behavior and TRAINED him that way.

so now, i try not to be so extreme. i think when i was younger i thought that was how i should be, in order to be a "good gf". but, i've learned that isn't how it should be.

now, i try to do a different sort of training. case in point, i'm fully capable of dumping the trash but it sort of falls in the "manly" chores. hence i always look pointedly at the trash bags and say, "hey, trash needs to be dumped."

[deez nuts]

Originally posted by Barbs@Jun 9 2003, 04:47 PM


now, i try to do a different sort of training.&nbsp; case in point, i'm fully capable of dumping the trash but it sort of falls in the "manly" chores.&nbsp; hence i always look pointedly at the trash bags and say, "hey, trash needs to be dumped."
kinda like:

points at crotch

"psssst, hey....cock needs to be sucked"

[kimpossible]

Originally posted by Chasiubao_Boy@Jun 9 2003, 02:00 PM
Originally posted by Barbs@Jun 9 2003, 04:47 PM


now, i try to do a different sort of training.&nbsp; case in point, i'm fully capable of dumping the trash but it sort of falls in the "manly" chores.&nbsp; hence i always look pointedly at the trash bags and say, "hey, trash needs to be dumped."
kinda like:

points at crotch

"psssst, hey....cock needs to be sucked"
gee, wouldn't you want the woman trained to respond to a simple hand signal? maybe a whistle command? maybe a snap and point.

smartass.

[deez nuts]

Originally posted by Hello_Hapa@Jun 9 2003, 05:40 PM
Originally posted by Chasiubao_Boy@Jun 9 2003, 02:00 PM
Originally posted by Barbs@Jun 9 2003, 04:47 PM


now, i try to do a different sort of training. case in point, i'm fully capable of dumping the trash but it sort of falls in the "manly" chores. hence i always look pointedly at the trash bags and say, "hey, trash needs to be dumped."
kinda like:

points at crotch

"psssst, hey....cock needs to be sucked"
gee, wouldn't you want the woman trained to respond to a simple hand signal? maybe a whistle command? maybe a snap and point.

smartass.
sorry.

the lead in was too good.

i couldn't resist.

i've been bad.

please punish me!

[Fireblade]

Man.... I dunno what planet I came from... but jeebus, all of my friends who are guys cook, clean, vaccum, do laundry, along with fixing cars, mowing the lawn, and throwing out the trash. And we're not even confined to a woman. And for my female friends....

they don't even so much as do their own laundry. <_<

What is up with this? I sure as hell wouldn't get that treatment from any of my chick friends... sheesh.

[deez nuts]

Originally posted by Fireblade@Jun 9 2003, 05:48 PM
Man.... I dunno what planet I came from... but jeebus, all of my friends who are guys cook, clean, vaccum, do laundry, along with fixing cars, mowing the lawn, and throwing out the trash. And we're not even confined to a woman. And for my female friends....

they don't even so much as do their own laundry.&nbsp; <_<

What is up with this? I sure as hell wouldn't get that treatment from any of my chick friends... sheesh.
the chicks are rebelling.

the guys are only aiding their cause. those fools!

we must smite them!

[coagulated fat]

Originally posted by Fireblade@Jun 9 2003, 02:48 PM
Man.... I dunno what planet I came from... but jeebus, all of my friends who are guys cook, clean, vaccum, do laundry, along with fixing cars, mowing the lawn, and throwing out the trash. And we're not even confined to a woman. And for my female friends....

they don't even so much as do their own laundry. <_<
it's all going according to plan... muhah!

[DragonKnight]

Originally posted by Fireblade@Jun 9 2003, 12:43 PM
But it's cool that some women know how to fix their cars. Shoot.. I'd find that downright sexy. :lol:
Mmm...a fione ass girl all greased up with used motor oil, all sweaty from working under the car all day, gripping an impact wrench...*drool*

[Fireblade]

Originally posted by coagulated fat@Jun 9 2003, 04:17 PM
Originally posted by Fireblade@Jun 9 2003, 02:48 PM
Man.... I dunno what planet I came from... but jeebus, all of my friends who are guys cook, clean, vaccum, do laundry, along with fixing cars, mowing the lawn, and throwing out the trash. And we're not even confined to a woman. And for my female friends....

they don't even so much as do their own laundry.&nbsp; <_<
it's all going according to plan... muhah!
You aid their cause too?!!

*sobs* I've been broken in man.... I can't help myself. :cry:

[Fireblade]

Originally posted by DragonKnight@Jun 9 2003, 04:59 PM
Mmm...a fione ass girl all greased up with used motor oil, all sweaty from working under the car all day, gripping an impact wrench...*drool*
I hear that... :D

[SunWuKong]

"Power! The only language women understand."

- Third Rock From The Sun

[iris]

I sometimes clean because I like to put things where I want to.

Sometimes I do laundry because I don't have a laundry machine and he does and it takes no effort to do his in addition to mine.

But honestly, it's mostly because I prefer he fixes things and lifts heavy stuff while I pick up clothes and toss cushions back onto the bed. Less muscle ache afterwards.

Other than that, we don't really think about gender roles. We have a dishwasher.

[sandra]

Originally posted by Barbs@Jun 9 2003, 12:59 PM
a twist to the original theme--do women prefer doing "womanly chores" b/c it validates our femininity (in this day & age when notions of equality between sexes has eradicated many male/female distinctions?)
yes, i agree with that statement. but then that still begs the question. why do those certain acts validate our feminitiy?

growing up, have any of your parents teased you about the likelihood of you being a bad wife because you cannot cook or clean? nobody teased my brother about that, but i got it a lot. from parents, family members, and friends.

now that i have my own home and have mastered those "womanly skills", my mom always compliments me on them. my roommate also compliments me on my cooking skills and infers from that that i'm a good gf. but i don't cook to be a good gf...or do i? it's the concept of coercive love again. we all love to be loved. but to be loved, we have to conform.

[coagulated fat]

Originally posted by kasia@Jun 10 2003, 10:06 AM
yes, i agree with that statement. but then that still begs the question. why do those certain acts validate our feminitiy?

growing up, have any of your parents teased you about the likelihood of you being a bad wife because you cannot cook or clean? nobody teased my brother about that, but i got it a lot. from parents, family members, and friends.

now that i have my own home and have mastered those "womanly skills", my mom always compliments me on them. my roommate also compliments me on my cooking skills and infers from that that i'm a good gf. but i don't cook to be a good gf...or do i? it's the concept of coercive love again. we all love to be loved. but to be loved, we have to conform.
I always considered my qualifications for being a good girlfriend (which are subjective) those things that made me different from other girls. Just like being a good friend, it's not something that's standardized. Or so I hope.

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by kasia@Jun 10 2003, 02:06 PM
yes, i agree with that statement. but then that still begs the question. why do those certain acts validate our feminitiy?

growing up, have any of your parents teased you about the likelihood of you being a bad wife because you cannot cook or clean? nobody teased my brother about that, but i got it a lot. from parents, family members, and friends.

now that i have my own home and have mastered those "womanly skills", my mom always compliments me on them. my roommate also compliments me on my cooking skills and infers from that that i'm a good gf. but i don't cook to be a good gf...or do i? it's the concept of coercive love again. we all love to be loved. but to be loved, we have to conform.
i don't understand why that's perceived as "coersive". are you saying you're doing what you do because your upbringing insists on you doing it, but in reality, you don't really want to do it?

[Lianne_Lin]

in my relationship, we had fights because i wasn't cooking or cleaning enough. i didn't know how to cook at all in the beginning. i thought it was cool to be a modern working woman who just got takeout all the time, or if the guy felt like cooking, he could cook. i also thought it was okay to leave things lying around as long as i put it away within a few days.

he got mad at me and i thought he was trying to turn me into some 1950's betty crocker wife or something. but i found out that he is right, i need to put my 50% into it. if we are both working full time, i should cook half the time and he should cook half the time and we should both do equal cleaning. if he is working and i am not, i should do most of the cooking and cleaning.

us girls who are now in our early 20's grew up learning that we need to focus on our career. but taking care of our house and home does not make us weak. it actually makes us more valuable. same thing goes for guys. there's nothing sexier than a man who cooks.

[DragonKnight]

Originally posted by kasia@Jun 10 2003, 10:06 AM
yes, i agree with that statement. but then that still begs the question. why do those certain acts validate our feminitiy?

growing up, have any of your parents teased you about the likelihood of you being a bad wife because you cannot cook or clean? nobody teased my brother about that, but i got it a lot. from parents, family members, and friends.

now that i have my own home and have mastered those "womanly skills", my mom always compliments me on them. my roommate also compliments me on my cooking skills and infers from that that i'm a good gf. but i don't cook to be a good gf...or do i? it's the concept of coercive love again. we all love to be loved. but to be loved, we have to conform.
Probably to the older and present generation that still hold on to traditional 'values' these are the things that are expected of the females of your respective culture. My own aunties and uncles always says she'll hook me up with a 'traditional' filipina wife that will cook, clean, and be the ultimate incarnation of filipino feminity. Yeah, right. No thanks. :rolleyes:

IMHO these particular 'traditional' values are outdated, they are no longer needed, and they should be chucked away in light of today's modern society. In my immediate family my two younger sisters are not expected to cook well or wash dishes to validate their feminity. They only do it cause they can and know how to. Besides, college life does that to basically everyone. ;)

There are still a lot of families that hold on to the old ways. Heck, there are still guys who still think like that. But really, if your family loves you just cause in their minds you are more of a female due to you knowing how to cook or whateverz, then you can either change their views or let them be. IMHO, let them think whatever they want. It's what YOU think validates your feminity that counts.

[coagulated fat]

Originally posted by DragonKnight@Jun 18 2003, 07:25 PM
There are still a lot of families that hold on to the old ways.&nbsp; Heck, there are still guys who still think like that.&nbsp; But really, if your family loves you just cause in their minds you are more of a female due to you knowing how to cook or whateverz, then you can either change their views or let them be.&nbsp; IMHO, let them think whatever they want.&nbsp; It's what YOU think validates your feminity that counts.
Well said.

Given that, I think not doing any work, traditionally masculine OR feminine, watching dating shows, and eating Marshmallow Peeps en masse validates my femininity. :P

[blkazngirl]

Originally posted by Barbs@May 30 2003, 08:17 PM
Ladies--

Do you ever feel obligated, compelled, or simply willing to "wait on" the men in your relationships?

What I'm referring to is things like: washing dishes, cooking, doing laundry, cleaning, picking up after him, etc. etc. etc.

Do you feel like these tasks are something that you, as the woman, should be doing? Have any of you ever inadvertently cultivated a pattern of behavior with your man such that they come to expect YOU to do these things?

It's not that the men in our lives are UNWILLING or UNABLE to do these things. To the contrary, I think most men these days are pretty open-minded.

I think Asian-American women tend to consciously or sub-consciously fall into this pattern of behavior. I'm not sure if it's from observing our mothers or what....
Funny that this should come up. I, myself don't mind doing for my man as long as he is doing for me, 50/50. Sometimes circumstance changes things and somebody has to do 75 or 100% This I can do as long as the guy doesnt start to take my "kindness" for weakness.