Do you need to have a closure?

[tommyhtown]

Closure, is it important to you when your relationship comes to an end? On one occasion, it came two years after the relationship ended. It was a nice dinner and good conversation that had nothing to do with our past relationship capping with a warm affectionate hug. Darn, that was one of the good closures for me.

What kinds of closure y'all have experience so far? a good-bye fuck, a nice dinner, a big fight, sobbing scene at the airport? do share

[sOKaLiBoY]

i would like closure with my ex but i can't give up on us getting back together. i guess when u are with someone for almost 4 years it's hard to let go

[himura-dono]

whoa, freakish coincidence. just finally reached a closure with an ex that i broke up with 2 1/2 years ago. we both still had feelings for eachother and just needed to get it out, talk about it, etc. a good bye fuck woulda been nice, but i'm happier having her back as a really close friend.

[thaite]

The whole concept of closure to me seems like some 1990s wussified therapy BS.

[TyroneK(prettypretty)]

I guess if that's "closure," I've tried to get it and failed miserably.

Closure for me depends on context. I always thought of it as knowing concretely that the relationship has ended. Even if you just never see the person again, if it's understood at the start that that's the way it's going to be, then yes, I think that's good closure.

This whole thread got me thinking. I feel it'd be easier if people just said what they thought instead of saying what they think they should say. Then again, I require a lot more bluntness than most due to my own weird-ass social background. I think though that people really should outline the way they're going to go about trying to salvage a friendship out of a breakup when they have that talk. Instead of saying "let's still be friends" when they really just don't want to see you too much in the near future, they should just say "eventually I'd like to be friends again, but it might take a while because you make me feel awkward" or something more subtle.

Maybe I'm just too impatient and dense for real relationships. I like clarity though. I really like clarity.

[ChinaLama]

i need closure on the girls i've had crushes on. too bad they're not similarly attracted to me, or i'd have my closure. :(

[golden_buns]

I don't really care if I ever see or hear from her again but it'd be nice if I could see her once more......fat as a summo wrestler

[Fireblade]

Hmm... I thought I had closure from my first gf, but I really didn't. And when I tried to get closure, it wasn't achieved. I guess for me, if she admitted that she had been lying to me, and admitted that she cheated on me, I would be fine. But because she said that she never did... it get's me pissed off. Why do people still continue to lie, even though there is concrete evidence to prove them wrong?

I should let it go... it's been about 4 years.

Other relationships haven't bothered me as much, because in the end, I didn't need closure with them. I kinda understood what was wrong, and that was the end of it. If they needed to talk to me, I would be fine with it, as long as they didn't expect things to change, or be better.

[SunWuKong]

get drunk
get laid
get high


that's my closure

[YuheiCarreau]

Originally posted by golden_buns@Apr 25 2003, 08:21 PM
I don't really care if I ever see or hear from her again but it'd be nice if I could see her once more......fat as a summo wrestler
What is this fat thing? I've heard a number of my buddies say they'd like to see their ex-girlfriend get fat, or suddenly start criticizing the girl they were going out with a week before as a "fatty" or whatever. I can understand being angry at your ex, but what's the big deal about her being fat?

[deez nuts]

yeah, i close the door.

[etcj]

Closure sux, because you don't really want to go through it. For myself, I hate those situations, because you can never avoid these guys. With the gay community being so small and isolated (sometimes), you can bump into an ex-bf anywhere you go. As a guy, I must fall back on the stereotype that I can't express my feelings outwardly as well as I would like. So when you break up a guy, you just have two people who just stand there with nothing to say.

[angelwiththesword]

i'm not good with closure.

i tend to stay away from the people i've had any romantic interaction with.

[Hanuman]

I kinda hope they fall off the face of the earth. I don't care what they do after me, but I don't want to know any of it.

[moschikat]

"closure"

eeps! that's like saying goodbye to your fuck buddies forever. . . . although closure is good when psychopathic ex's come after you with butterfly knives - closure THEN includes a court date and a restraining order.

other than that - i prefer to leave the "what ifs" hanging . . . it's like there just might be a possibility . . . :)

[Everglaze]

We hugged, we kissed, we had a 10 minute discussion and then we departed from each other. She moved away, end of story.

I haven't dated since lol.

[lethal]

Closure's good. Maybe a resolution, an answer to all the question you had. Why? What happened? WHat could've I done better? Stuff like that. It makes people feel good not to have questions hanging over them.

On the other hand, I prefer not to have any contact afterward. Just let em go. I don't care anymore.

Well, I guess it depends on the circumstances of the breakup, but as friends. You can go out and make new friends, why rely on an ex-gf and involve all that other nasty baggage you and she may still have?

[teaz0r]

i don't really need closure,
things happen for a reason,
i don't need to find out what
that reason is. whether if it's
because of me or because of
him.

no analyzing. just knowing
that it's over is enough.

[golden_buns]

Originally posted by lethalweapon@Apr 28 2003, 02:56 PM
Maybe a resolution, an answer to all the question you had. Why? What happened? WHat could've I done better? Stuff like that. It makes people feel good not to have questions hanging over them.

On the other hand, I prefer not to have any contact afterward. Just let em go. I don't care anymore.
you read my mind, I feel the same way

[teaz0r]

Originally posted by golden_buns@Apr 29 2003, 02:12 PM
Originally posted by lethalweapon@Apr 28 2003, 02:56 PM
Maybe a resolution, an answer to all the question you had.  Why?  What happened?  WHat could've I done better?  Stuff like that.  It makes people feel good not to have questions hanging over them.

On the other hand, I prefer not to have any contact afterward.  Just let em go.  I don't care anymore.
you read my mind, I feel the same way
http://forums.yellowworld.org/index.php?ac...=ST&f=38&t=8212 (http://forums.yellowworld.org/index.php?act=ST&f=38&t=8212)

[golden_buns]

Originally posted by pipSy@Apr 29 2003, 06:28 AM
Originally posted by golden_buns@Apr 29 2003, 02:12 PM
Originally posted by lethalweapon@Apr 28 2003, 02:56 PM
Maybe a resolution, an answer to all the question you had. Why? What happened? WHat could've I done better? Stuff like that. It makes people feel good not to have questions hanging over them.

On the other hand, I prefer not to have any contact afterward. Just let em go. I don't care anymore.
you read my mind, I feel the same way
http://forums.yellowworld.org/index.php?ac...=ST&f=38&t=8212 (http://forums.yellowworld.org/index.php?act=ST&f=38&t=8212)
that was clever

[DragonKnight]

Originally posted by sOKaLiBoY@Apr 25 2003, 03:19 PM
i would like closure with my ex but i can't give up on us getting back together. i guess when u are with someone for almost 4 years it's hard to let go
Amen ta dat. My last relationship almost hit 5 yrs. Been almost a year since the break-up. No real closure, just parted ways. Still feelin the effects. Haven't dated a girl since. :frown:

-Rich