Forcing a relationship to happen

[Fireblade]

Ok, I was just talking to a good friend of mine on the phone, and she mentioned that she wanted to get her friend to go out with this other friend. That's all good and stuff if both parties are interested, but if the sparks don't fly, then it just doesn't happen. However my friend was trying to tell me that it's a good idea, and they're just made for each other. They even have the same interests.

Ok, so this made me think. Do you think it's good for someone to play matchmaker and try to force two people to go out, and even try to get them to build a relationship? I've seen this happen many times before, and sometimes it's a good thing. Other times it can be a bad thing. It's good if everything works out, and the fairytale romance that you've envisioned goes as you've planned it. Other times it's can be seen from the person you want to pair with another as being quite inconsiderate. What if you're just placing a reject that you feel sorry with, and want to pair them with another reject you see? Sorry to put it in those terms, but I've heard an earfull from plenty of friends.

So it good idea to pair people together because you see a potential couple? Or is it just a recipe for disaster?

[blkazngirl]

I introduce them if we are all out together, then let the chips fall where they may. Playing match maker can be dangerous if the relations sours. The last thing is you don't want to be caught in the middle and have to choose sides.

[thaite]

Ain't nuthin' wrong with getting people to meet. Let them do the rest.

[mrazntre]

She should do the "group" thing without putting any ideas into anyone's head before the group outing. it should just be a, friend's day out. otherwise, one party will be expecting something whether or not the other party is interested. this will in turn jack everything up. so i figure if it's just good fun without any "romantic hoolup" annoynaces, it'd be all good.

reject + reject = winner?

*musical theme song: ........lowered expectations......*

[Hanuman]

It's funny, sometimes on paper it can be like a match made in heaven, yet when it's show time, you can't quite get the curtain up.

A friend of mine and I would take the morning train together every morning. So she's like, you know what? I think you'd be perfect for my friend Alison. She spent time in Thailand, she's in her first year in law school, and she's done a lot of the things you have. I think you guys would be great. So my friend gives Alison my phone number and she calls me up. We hit it off pretty well, except I was dating someone.

A year goes by and my other friend Sandy calls me up. She said she's out with some friends and I should go by and meet them. Then she whispers that she has a friend that she thinks I'd be perfect for. I show up and it's no other then this girl Alison again. 2 different friends from 2 different circles hooked us up.

We went out and it didn't work out, but that's a long story (pretty good for 'worse date' thread). Too bad, if it had worked out, that would have been a great story to tell your grand kids, kinda stories.

[kayla]

I think the "group" hangout is a good idea too. It gives both parties a chance to get to know each other without some of that awkward silence if they're not made for each other. And if they hit it off, then good for them.

I was once set up with a friend of a friend. He was really nice and sweet at first but I noticed that he was a bit aggressive and tempermental so I told him that it he's a nice friend or something along that line. He kept saying no for some reason as if i was just joking around. And then he told me that he would beat any guy who goes out with me in a semi-serious, semi-joking manner. He would call every day and tell people that we're "together". That was really freaky.

So I personally wouldnt want to be set up. But I guess good can come out of it if something does spark.

[princess]

i think its rude when you try to force them together. letting them meet each other is cool. if they hit it off, its their thing. if not, oh well. my mom tries to shove me into the arms of every japanese boy that comes along and i HATE it so much.

[mrazntre]

Originally posted by princess@Jan 17 2003, 10:18 PM
i think its rude when you try to force them together. letting them meet each other is cool. if they hit it off, its their thing. if not, oh well. my mom tries to shove me into the arms of every japanese boy that comes along and i HATE it so much.
yah.. yo momz is shovin and the boyz is runnin....

[mrazntre]

Originally posted by kayla@Jan 17 2003, 08:38 AM
I think the "group" hangout is a good idea too. It gives both parties a chance to get to know each other without some of that awkward silence if they're not made for each other. And if they hit it off, then good for them.

I was once set up with a friend of a friend. He was really nice and sweet at first but I noticed that he was a bit aggressive and tempermental so I told him that it he's a nice friend or something along that line. He kept saying no for some reason as if i was just joking around. And then he told me that he would beat any guy who goes out with me in a semi-serious, semi-joking manner. He would call every day and tell people that we're "together". That was really freaky.

So I personally wouldnt want to be set up. But I guess good can come out of it if something does spark.
what a fucking psycho.. i hate those kind of guys, it makes the rest of us guys look bad. i'm thinking lots of girls have experienced that type of shit. it's complete utter bullshit. a lot of women are emotionally scarred by these jackasses and it makes the women so cautious and "untouchable" to a certain extent. damn. i'm saying, i'm not one of those psycho guys, i just wanna get in your pants guh... in, and out.

[achtungbaby]

Ugh, is it not like a woman to try and meddle in everyone else's affairs?

:ph34r:

[YuheiCarreau]

I was watching a documentary about arranged marriages in England, where they spoke to a number of South Asians. Some hated the idea of anyone setting them up, particularly their parents, but one of the married men they spoke to said something like "My parents know me so well, and they love me and have my best interests at heart. They're also older and more experienced, and can use their wisdom to find someone I'm very compatible with." about his arranged marriage... So I guess a large part of a successful match is who's doing the matchmaking and what his intentions are.

[babysakura]

well there's nothing wrong with trying to introduce 2 people, i'm sure she has both their best interests at heart. the most she can do is introduce them and let it flow from there without making it akward for any of them..

besides, no one can force 2 people to kiss :P get the idea?

[YuheiCarreau]

Originally posted by babysakura@Jan 19 2003, 11:53 PM
well there's nothing wrong with trying to introduce 2 people, i'm sure she has both their best interests at heart. the most she can do is introduce them and let it flow from there without making it akward for any of them..

besides, no one can force 2 people to kiss :P get the idea?
Yep, can't control what two able-bodied adults are gonna do. Of course, the horrific flip side that's no one's brought up is what if you introduce two people and they turn into the most annoying couple ever, like the kind that baby-talk to each other constantly and talk about their boyfriend / girlfriend constantly when he / she isn't around...

[mrazntre]

friggin women.

[LoneSwordsman]

just intro each other, dont force anything more

this incident that happened to me
let it be named girl 1, girl 2, and girl 3
girl 1 kept recommending girl 2 to me and saying we would be a perfect match, sure we had common interests.....

and the funny thing was i liked girl 3, who was girl 2's best friend

[applehead]

Originally posted by YuheiCarreau@Jan 19 2003, 10:08 PM
Originally posted by babysakura@Jan 19 2003, 11:53 PM
well there's nothing wrong with trying to introduce 2 people, i'm sure she has both their best interests at heart. the most she can do is introduce them and let it flow from there without making it akward for any of them..

besides, no one can force 2 people to kiss  :P get the idea?
Yep, can't control what two able-bodied adults are gonna do. Of course, the horrific flip side that's no one's brought up is what if you introduce two people and they turn into the most annoying couple ever, like the kind that baby-talk to each other constantly and talk about their boyfriend / girlfriend constantly when he / she isn't around...
:gross: :gross: :gross:

[applehead]

Originally posted by kayla@Jan 17 2003, 12:38 AM
I think the "group" hangout is a good idea too. It gives both parties a chance to get to know each other without some of that awkward silence if they're not made for each other. And if they hit it off, then good for them.

I was once set up with a friend of a friend. He was really nice and sweet at first but I noticed that he was a bit aggressive and tempermental so I told him that it he's a nice friend or something along that line. He kept saying no for some reason as if i was just joking around. And then he told me that he would beat any guy who goes out with me in a semi-serious, semi-joking manner. He would call every day and tell people that we're "together". That was really freaky.

So I personally wouldnt want to be set up. But I guess good can come out of it if something does spark.
i find that very amusing.
that wouldn't freak me out.

something to talk about with the gal pals
"oh god, what a LOSER"

[Fireblade]

Well, I talked to my friend, with some of the suggestions that you all came up with, and umm, yea, she's over that now. I seriously think she sometimes needs her head examined. It was a "passing idea" with her, because she thought it'd be cute to set someone up and junk. Weirdo. :huh:

Anyways, I suggested that she introduce the two people, before telling them that were on a date. (See, words can put ideas into someone's head) And see if one of them asks about the other. If they both ask, then it's good, if it's one-sided... oh well. *shrug*

[Adaon]

Originally posted by achtungbaby@Jan 19 2003, 06:36 PM
Ugh, is it not like a woman to try and meddle in everyone else's affairs?

:ph34r:
I am bloody curious about that.....it's annoying and yet not so at the same time...

[princess]

we wish to make everyones lives as jolly as our own, thats why we meddle.



k reallie i denno why. but i think thats a nice thought. i personally dont care about trying to arrange other peoples love lives. its their thing

[Adaon]

Originally posted by princess@Jan 21 2003, 09:45 PM
we wish to make everyones lives as jolly as our own, thats why we meddle.



k reallie i denno why. but i think thats a nice thought. i personally dont care about trying to arrange other peoples love lives. its their thing
there ya go....THANK you very much....yet another classix example of a CORRECT answer -imho- :)

[MellowDrama]

The last time I was put in a position like this was freshman yr. in HS. I refused to take part in their silly little games.

[Adaon]

Originally posted by MellowDrama@Jan 22 2003, 03:10 PM
The last time I was put in a position like this was freshman yr. in HS. I refused to take part in their silly little games.
And that's all it is basically. I mean, playing games with someone else and their feelings. I really don't understand people sometimes.

[princess]

Originally posted by Adaon@Jan 22 2003, 05:42 PM
And that's all it is basically. I mean, playing games with someone else and their feelings. I really don't understand people sometimes.
eh well sometimes when people think theyre doin a good thing, they dont realize theyre steppin on peoples toes.

[Adaon]

Originally posted by princess@Jan 22 2003, 06:08 PM
eh well sometimes when people think theyre doin a good thing, they dont realize theyre steppin on peoples toes.
doesn't that sort of roll on the respect part of the relationship....I mean YEAH, I can understand if the people couldn't make it out of the door on their own w/o falling on their face -like me-, but I mean....to ignore how the other person might feel because you feel like you know better than they do? I dunno about that....

[princess]

Originally posted by Adaon@Jan 22 2003, 06:20 PM
doesn't that sort of roll on the respect part of the relationship....I mean YEAH, I can understand if the people couldn't make it out of the door on their own w/o falling on their face -like me-, but I mean....to ignore how the other person might feel because you feel like you know better than they do? I dunno about that....
no disagreements here. ive been in the same situation before. i think they just kinda lose sight of how the other person might feel, or think they know better, because theyre so intent on this "mission." its easy to get carried away. also, if no one protests but just quietly simmers, they take that as the go-ahead. thats why i now kick and scream :D

[Adaon]

Originally posted by princess@Jan 22 2003, 06:42 PM
no disagreements here. ive been in the same situation before. i think they just kinda lose sight of how the other person might feel, or think they know better, because theyre so intent on this "mission." its easy to get carried away. also, if no one protests but just quietly simmers, they take that as the go-ahead. thats why i now kick and scream :D
in my case i usually get kicked AND THEN scream in those scenarios....hell in most real life situations.... :gross: :huh: :blink: :unsure: :( :frown: :cry: :pissed:

[Fireblade]

Originally posted by princess@Jan 22 2003, 06:42 PM
no disagreements here. ive been in the same situation before. i think they just kinda lose sight of how the other person might feel, or think they know better, because theyre so intent on this "mission." its easy to get carried away. also, if no one protests but just quietly simmers, they take that as the go-ahead. thats why i now kick and scream :D
What I don't get sometimes, is that some girls I know have ignored the protests and still try to set up a second date, etc, etc. Giving a guy hope or vice versa (like instead of the girl, it's the guy, etc, etc.) Why can't they just UNDERSTAND the person's feelings? *grumble grumble* :pissed:

All in all, I understand they wish well, but darn it, it's like they're a project to worked on. Take up a hobby instead. Less people will be hurt that way.

[Adaon]

Originally posted by Fireblade@Jan 23 2003, 12:22 AM
What I don't get sometimes, is that some girls I know have ignored the protests and still try to set up a second date, etc, etc. Giving a guy hope or vice versa (like instead of the girl, it's the guy, etc, etc.) Why can't they just UNDERSTAND the person's feelings? *grumble grumble* :pissed:

All in all, I understand they wish well, but darn it, it's like they're a project to worked on. Take up a hobby instead. Less people will be hurt that way.
Word

[princess]

Originally posted by Fireblade@Jan 23 2003, 12:22 AM
What I don't get sometimes, is that some girls I know have ignored the protests and still try to set up a second date, etc, etc. Giving a guy hope or vice versa (like instead of the girl, it's the guy, etc, etc.) Why can't they just UNDERSTAND the person's feelings? *grumble grumble* :pissed:

All in all, I understand they wish well, but darn it, it's like they're a project to worked on. Take up a hobby instead. Less people will be hurt that way.
i cant explain people who ignore your protests. people have done that to me, too -- for dances and such. i think i need to start spelling things out. maybe write my protests on a sign and walk around with it pasted to my forehead.