socially awkward...need advice

[pandar]

hey whatsup

so ya im like socially awkward when it comes to making friends on my own. its easier if i have a friend with me cuz then i become more talkative but when im by myself i just stand there quietly :frown: the typical shy asian guy but worse

it seems to be easier for me to make friends with fellow asian people cuz we have more in common than non asians, but non asian friends are cool too once we get passed that first introduction and hit it off. i also make friends easier with girls than guys even tho im a guy myself. idk why but its just easier for me to talk to girls than guys cuz guys mostly talk about sports and pretend to be gay with each other. and i suck at sports and video games and dont watch anime.

anyways next week i start a new semester of college and was wondering if theres any advice on making new friends. i usually make at least one or two friends in the beginning but then they usually drop or something lol

and it makes me feel really down when like you try to talk to someone and they just like give you one word answers and a look thats like "why are you talking to me?" so it becomes obvious that they dont want to talk to you at all :confused:

[mice]

Why do you think you've got more in common with asian people? I've always just talked to people with the same interests as me, don't think about where they're from or how they look :) Though, people rarely ever like the same stuff as me. They just like bits and bobs, never the whole package.. blah blah whatever.

Anyway, who's said you need to just hang out with people the same sex as you? I mean, it's not like you HAVE to have stuff in common just because you're both guys or girls? I don't feel any special "bond" with somebody just because they're a girl. :)

If you feel more comfortable talking to girls, do. It doesn't have to mean anything, maybe you just don't like hanging out with stereotypical guys. It doesn't make you gay or anything. Maybe that's just you.

You need to dare looking people straight in the eye, not looking at your shoes. Maybe if you start talking more in class you'll get noticed, and people would talk to you. I'm from Sweden, so I don't know how your classes are structured, but when I went to high school/college we had a lot of open discussions in class and so on, it was always the ones who dared taking part of the discussion who made most friends. The one sitting silent in a corner usually was left out, so you need to stand out and make youself heard. It's hard, but it get easier the more you try.

I used to be really shy, but have managed to find the strenght to move forward, be social and open. I realized how boring and depressing it was not getting noticed. Maybe there's some activites you could take part in? Something you're interested in, where you could find somebody like you?

Okay, I'll stop now. If you want to talk, feel free.

Okay, hope that made some sense and that I didn't contradict myself fifty time as I usually do...

Sorry about spelling mistakes, typed a bit too fast... :S

[cloudzero]

hey whatsup

so ya im like socially awkward when it comes to making friends on my own. its easier if i have a friend with me cuz then i become more talkative but when im by myself i just stand there quietly :frown: the typical shy asian guy but worse

it seems to be easier for me to make friends with fellow asian people cuz we have more in common than non asians, but non asian friends are cool too once we get passed that first introduction and hit it off. i also make friends easier with girls than guys even tho im a guy myself. idk why but its just easier for me to talk to girls than guys cuz guys mostly talk about sports and pretend to be gay with each other. and i suck at sports and video games and dont watch anime.

anyways next week i start a new semester of college and was wondering if theres any advice on making new friends. i usually make at least one or two friends in the beginning but then they usually drop or something lol

and it makes me feel really down when like you try to talk to someone and they just like give you one word answers and a look thats like "why are you talking to me?" so it becomes obvious that they dont want to talk to you at all :confused:

i would first ask them what answer they got for a certain homework problem. then talk to them a little bit more the next day. and a little more the next day. if you can get them to laugh, that will speed things up.

don't ask questions that let them give you one word answers.

[drydem]

When you see someone try to think about something positive about them - those that you can't think of something to say positive about you should avoid. Try not to think about what a person is (like a boy or a girl) but what that person is doing or experiencing at this moment. Look for not just a connection but for understanding what that person maybe feeling or thinking. Remember that every person is living a separate life where many things going on and reacting.

[tokimeki aznguy]

and i suck at sports and video games and dont watch anime.


You don't watch anime? Then you got issues and I feel sorry for you.

I'm pretty much the same as you, except I watch anime, and that pretty much makes up for everything.

[Azn Retribution]

There's a book called the Game by Neil Strauss. get the audiobook on amazon.

[tokimeki aznguy]

There's a book called the Game by Neil Strauss. get the audiobook on amazon.

I've got all that stuff. I don't think it really works.

[pandar]

You don't watch anime? Then you got issues and I feel sorry for you.

I'm pretty much the same as you, except I watch anime, and that pretty much makes up for everything.

i could never get into anime. i mean like i'll watch with someone but i wont watch it on my own and like watch every episode and all that you know? like i watched the first eps of some shows but never stuck with the show lol

[tokimeki aznguy]

i could never get into anime. i mean like i'll watch with someone but i wont watch it on my own and like watch every episode and all that you know? like i watched the first eps of some shows but never stuck with the show lol

There's lots of different kinds of anime, just like there's lots of different kinds of movies. You just have to find one that's interesting to you. Animes are better than movies though because the storylines are longer and more involved.

[snailpoo]

You don't watch anime? Then you got issues and I feel sorry for you.

I'm pretty much the same as you, except I watch anime, and that pretty much makes up for everything.

Wait. When did anime become the litmus test for nomality?

And when did anime make up for anything?

[tokimeki aznguy]

Wait. When did anime become the litmus test for nomality?


First explain what "nomality" is.

[pandar]

nomality: conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural -- for gnomes

normality conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural -- for humans

lol jk :D

[tokimeki aznguy]

If "nomality" is a typo for "normality" then my response is that I don't care about what is normal, I just care about what is.

Anime makes up for all the fun a person thinks they are missing out on by not having friends. For instance, maybe if you had friends you would imagine yourself going to a movie with them. But you would have more fun if you found a good anime and watched it at home by yourself. If you wanted to discuss it, then you could have good discussions about it online.

[snailpoo]

Anime makes up for all the fun a person thinks they are missing out on by not having friends. For instance, maybe if you had friends you would imagine yourself going to a movie with them. But you would have more fun if you found a good anime and watched it at home by yourself. If you wanted to discuss it, then you could have good discussions about it online.

Wait, so, your advice to someone seeking to overcome social awkwardness is... to avoid social interaction and watch anime?

[Arex]

This thread was good for a sorely needed good laugh. Thank you all.=)

[eos]

Yeah pretty sure the whole point of this thread is to meet people in real life and interact with them socially. In real life. Not internet life. REAL life.

So your suggestion for him to watch anime, by himself natch, then go online to discuss it with anonymous people.....um, how is that supposed to help him again?

[cloudzero]

note to self: only give serious advice to established ywers

[SunWuKong]

are we being trolled? LOL

[eos]

Are we? Hm, I much rather prefer this slow version of trolling than the normal blitz attacks.

OR it could be that he tokes up before posting, since in the other thread about marijuana ODs he says people can't OD on weed, it just makes them sleepy.

[snailpoo]

are we being trolled? LOL

Who turned on the freak magnet again?

[tokimeki aznguy]

Wait, so, your advice to someone seeking to overcome social awkwardness is... to avoid social interaction and watch anime?

If social interactions are troublesome, then my advice is to say "fuck it" and find other fun things to do, like watching anime.

[noname]

Here's a web site with lots of articles and advice that I've found helpful (or at least interesting): http://www.succeedsocially.com/
Check out at least the blog there.

Also, I like listening to the Pickup Podcast - search for that on iTunes, or go to www.pickuppodcast.com (which also has a nice blog and forum)
If you have satellite radio (Sirius or XM), check out their radio show Game On
Both go into how to be better at meeting people, not just women.

[cloudzero]

dead give away

[proper]

If you are in college get some alcohol to drink! Easier to talk to girls when you are tipsy.

[Yellowbrownboy]

You're in college?
Join some clubs; you're bound to pick up some dude you can relate to.
It starts with small talk. IF they're Asian ask where they're from (IE: Japanese, Chinese). I do that a lot, not because I want to make friend but because I'm curious.
Talking to girls isn't necessarily a bad thing either.

Don't you have some guy acquaintances you can sorta call friends?
When you're bored, call them or text them and ask them (preferably at least two, but as you get closer it can be one on one) if they wanna go eat.
You're not the only guy.
I don't like Anime or play video games. I'm ok at sports, but start working out. That can also be social. Ask some dude if he wants to start working out with you because you wanna get fit (It'll help for the ladies too :p)... although you DO have to want to be fit, but people like to be seen a mentor, so even if you are weak it should be ok.

Guys judge you too.
If you dress well, have a SIMILAR (notice how I didn't say NICE) personality, and you're not ugly (yes, guys DO judge whether to talk to you based on the fact if you're ugly or not, it's not a deal breaker but it IS a factor) you should have at least few guy friends.
Guys also pretend to be tough, sometimes you just got to talk to someone enough to see that they're not all that they pretend to be.

[sageb1]

^ I did this at a meetup once, and the Asian lady was wondering why I was asking her nationality etc.

I believe in urban society, you don't ask a person's background or about their culture. You talk to them like you talk to your best friend, but don't make demands on them at all.

Animé is becoming more popular these days. In fact, the newmedia is hyping it up, which appears to prove my pet theory that it is saving Western culture from the soul sickness plaguing Western society, not unlike Adbusters.

In any social setting though, each person's eccentricities are overlooked. Indeed, there is a tendency to make normative a set of behaviors and mannerisms which a psychiatrist might be led to believe are signs of near-pathological behavior.

Yet as one shares of his interests, his likes and his needs with others, he is less likely to perpetuate such behavior in order to fit it.

This is why meetup.com is popular; and it also why Facebook and Inter Messaging is popular.

We don't all want to live our lives isolated from each other. Though, alcohol is useful in youth, it becomes a liability later in life, and a couple is poorer for it for only having drink to be the only thing they had in common when they sober up the next day.

For a shy person to make friends, this takes exposure to crowd conditions in a safe set and setting.

Have fun getting out with the friends! And keep us posted on your progress... :)