would you be a single mom by choice? [Archive]

Arex

09-24-2002, 02:21 AM

I probably wouldn't like to become a single dad. I would really really like to have kids some day, but if there's no special Mrs. Arex to raise the little ones with, I don't think I'd be in the best state to rear a child (i.e., I'd probably be extremely bitter and cynical). I'd just end up being a lonesome cat man or something (can't really do any discernable emotional damage to a cat, after all).

Alex

deez nuts

09-24-2002, 07:37 AM

Originally posted by Arex@Sep 24 2002, 05:21 AM
I probably wouldn't like to become a single dad. I would really really like to have kids some day, but if there's no special Mrs. Arex to raise the little ones with, I don't think I'd be in the best state to rear a child (i.e., I'd probably be extremely bitter and cynical). I'd just end up being a lonesome cat man or something (can't really do any discernable emotional damage to a cat, after all).

Alex
That was one of the most depressing things I have heard come out of you :( .

Lonesome cat man?!?!?!

I probably wouldn't opt for single fatherhood, either. I don't think my lifestyle is suited for it.

kimpossible

09-24-2002, 08:06 AM

If I was single and 40s, I think I would adopt. Or take in foster kids. As long as I was financially stable.

Arex

09-24-2002, 10:55 AM

Originally posted by Chasiubao_Boy@Sep 24 2002, 08:37 AM
That was one of the most depressing things I have heard come out of you :( .

Lonesome cat man?!?!?!

I probably wouldn't opt for single fatherhood, either. I don't think my lifestyle is suited for it.
Yeah, that is kinda depressing what I wrote there...=P No worries though, I don't anticipate being single forever. Worst case scenario, Hello Hapa'll just have to place me on the auction block ("We'll started the bidding at $100! Do I hear $100?? $100?? Anyone?? Er...??).

Yeah, I don't think my lifestyle's particularly suited for single parenthood either. If I don't have a wife or girlfriend to keep me anchored at home, I can't really have anything 'less it'll be okay if I just leave it for a weekend with a big fat bowl of food and plenty of water (cat) or a time release food block (fish).

Alex

deez nuts

09-24-2002, 11:29 AM

Originally posted by Arex@Sep 24 2002, 01:55 PM
Worst case scenario, Hello Hapa'll just have to place me on the auction block ("We'll started the bidding at $100! Do I hear $100?? $100?? Anyone?? Er...??).

Show de women de lickitung chinaman attack <lick><lick> si si si.

Yeah I can't even keep goldfish and a plant alive let alone a kid. I'm surprised da shih tzu has lasted this long.

mrazntre

09-24-2002, 05:30 PM

Originally posted by Hello_Hapa@Sep 24 2002, 04:06 PM
If I was single and 40s, I think I would adopt. Or take in foster kids. As long as I was financially stable.
unfortunately, being financially stable does not indicate that you are emotionally ready, capable or even stable enough to care for children.

d00d. watch Dr. Phil why don't ya? ! ? !

artsfartsyjanet

09-24-2002, 06:41 PM

I would not opt to single motherhood because I feel it is important to have both father and mother as role models for children (in my own lifestyle). Of course, I'm not saying friends, single motherhood, or gay/lesbian couples are no better at raising children. This is what I would choose. Of course, I wouldn't mind adopting so long as I'm married, emotionally, and financially stable.

thaite

09-24-2002, 07:29 PM

You know how some people say they like kids... as long as they're other people's kids?

Well... I don't even like other people's kids.

amietron

09-25-2002, 11:24 PM

no. kids turn out better psychologically when there is a father-figure involved in their upbringing.

mrazntre

09-26-2002, 12:42 AM

arex, bunboy:

yeah. that's why i don't have a plant, a pet animal, or anything else that requires cleaning, feeding or serving. i have problems feeding and clothing myself sometimes.

i don't understand it when these lil teen girls go on jenny jones and say they wanna have a baby so they can be more responsible. dUh. . .! what a bunch of morons. their genes should have been evolutionized out of existence. mebbe it's not too late? make'em sterile yo. . !

bunboy- any luck on creating sterility gas that only affects stupid people ? we can inject it into air supplies, car A/C systems and in those fabreze cans.

arex- any potential law suits for doing so ?

amietron

09-26-2002, 12:46 AM

dude, tre- i want a baby!

Arex

09-26-2002, 02:45 AM

Originally posted by mrazntre@Sep 26 2002, 01:42 AM
arex- any potential law suits for doing so ?
Hey, so long as you don't get caught, there are never any legal ramifications for anything you do. Best of luck in your endeavor to evolve the human species!=)

Alex

deez nuts

09-26-2002, 04:51 AM

Originally posted by mrazntre@Sep 26 2002, 03:42 AM

bunboy- any luck on creating sterility gas that only affects stupid people ? we can inject it into air supplies, car A/C systems and in those fabreze cans.

Hahaha. errrrr I'll get back to ya on that one. After I genetically clone my ideal woman.

sandra

09-26-2002, 06:51 PM

i've been seriously thinking about adopting a young toddler sometime after i graduate from law school.

the only drawback that i am concerned about: difficulty in having a traditional chinese family accept the adopted child as their own.

ronin

09-26-2002, 07:40 PM

If other people's opinions affect the bond you'd make with the child, then you're already heading in the wrong direction.

Ask yourself, "Who's more important to me? The child who loves me and depends on me? Or my family who might turn their back if I don't live by their standards?"

(hint: no matter the question, the child should always come first)

SunWuKong

09-26-2002, 07:57 PM

i don't think i can raise a child by myself. if i do, i must live in the same city as someone i can trust who has time to help me take care of the kid, like probably my parents. hell even if i had a wife i'm not sure i am fit to raise children. i think i'd probably mess them up.

sandra

09-26-2002, 11:50 PM

Originally posted by ronin@Sep 27 2002, 03:40 AM
If other people's opinions affect the bond you'd make with the child, then you're already heading in the wrong direction.

Ask yourself, "Who's more important to me? The child who loves me and depends on me? Or my family who might turn their back if I don't live by their standards?"

(hint: no matter the question, the child should always come first)
that's true....i would like to adopt a child (either when i'm single or when i'm married), but i am also one who cares a lot about what my family would and would not be happy with. in any event, i'd never turn my back on either the child or family--i'm just expecting to face a lot of stress alone...

it's not that they believe there is something inherently wrong with adoption, but when i mentioned it to a couple of family members before, they stated that it might not be such a great idea b/c, even if i view the child as family, he/she might not view me as the same. they feel that the child will eventually want to search for his/her birth mother, and be nonappreciative towards me. i don't know--how valid are these beliefs anyway? does anyone know?

SunWuKong

09-27-2002, 07:04 AM

Originally posted by kasia@Sep 27 2002, 02:50 AM
Originally posted by ronin@Sep 27 2002, 03:40 AM
If other people's opinions affect the bond you'd make with the child, then you're already heading in the wrong direction.

Ask yourself, "Who's more important to me? The child who loves me and depends on me? Or my family who might turn their back if I don't live by their standards?"

(hint: no matter the question, the child should always come first)
that's true....i would like to adopt a child (either when i'm single or when i'm married), but i am also one who cares a lot about what my family would and would not be happy with. in any event, i'd never turn my back on either the child or family--i'm just expecting to face a lot of stress alone...

it's not that they believe there is something inherently wrong with adoption, but when i mentioned it to a couple of family members before, they stated that it might not be such a great idea b/c, even if i view the child as family, he/she might not view me as the same. they feel that the his/her birth mother, and be nonappreciative towards me. i don't know--how valid are these beliefs anyway? does anyone know?
maybe we should start an adoption thread. i've also thought about adopting (a girl from china), but definitely not if i'm single. i don't know what my parents would think of that. actually i am thinking that my mother would probably support me because she's got this chinese feminism thing i think (that i don't think she's even aware of).

kimpossible

09-27-2002, 07:39 AM

but how about that the Asian idea of family isn't the same as the American nuclear family. even if you were a single parent, the child would still be raised (hopefully) by the family. i could be wrong, but i've heard of enough cases from the old days, where if a family had too many children it's acceptable to have other relations raise the child. kind of like adoption but not really. i have one aunt who (by marriage) who was raised in this fashion.

overall, i think it's better for children in 'the system' to have a loving parent and family than be raised by the state. mr. and mrs. perfect will want to adopt perfect newborns. what about the kids that are left out because they are a) older b) developmentally challenged c) not the most preferred race d) have emotional problems.

i'm married and am fortunate enough to have the choice to be a stay at home mom when the time comes. i also have the backing of two extended families. these are my pre-reqs for having children, but i also realize there are a lot of kids in state care that need a home. why should i judge a single parent that can provide a growing human with a sense of family, love and care.

at the same time though, i am pretty critical of the single women who purposely get pregnant and bear children with the idea that a father is unnecessary.

edit: btw, this is cool. i thought this topic would have bored you all to tears

SunWuKong

09-27-2002, 08:08 AM

Originally posted by Hello_Hapa@Sep 27 2002, 10:39 AM
but how about that the Asian idea of family isn't the same as the American nuclear family. even if you were a single parent, the child would still be raised (hopefully) by the family. i could be wrong, but i've heard of enough cases from the old days, where if a family had too many children it's acceptable to have other relations raise the child. kind of like adoption but not really. i have one aunt who (by marriage) who was raised in this fashion.
do you mean that these children live with the relatives year-round?

i guess i can only speak from what has been happening in HK. starting from my parents' generation, an increasing number of women are full-time working women (either by choice or necessity) even after they are married. as a result of this, children spend alot of time with relatives, especially grandparents. i imagine much of this is probably happening in cities in the mainland now. not sure how it is in taiwan. i've heard that in japan, there is a stigma for a family to have a working wife, supposedly people perceive this as that the husband is not making enough money. is this true? another thing that has become popular in HK starting in the early 80s is hiring a live-in filipino maid that basically does all the house-work and takes care of the children while both parents work full-time.

edit: oops i think i've twisted the discussion topic... new thread (http://forums.yellowworld.org/index.php?s=096624f263964847521593a871226dc4&act=ST&f=38&t=2347).

tapestrybabe

09-27-2002, 07:54 PM

Originally posted by kasia@Sep 27 2002, 02:50 AM
they stated that it might not be such a great idea b/c, even if i view the child as family, he/she might not view me as the same. they feel that the child will eventually want to search for his/her birth mother, and be nonappreciative towards me. i don't know--how valid are these beliefs anyway? does anyone know?
Naah.. both my brother and myself.. we both view our parents as our REAL parents. And sure, we both have our desire to want to search for our biological mothers.. but that DOESN'T make us unappreciative of our parents that ACTUALLY raised us...

sandra

09-28-2002, 12:25 PM

Originally posted by tapestrybabe@Sep 28 2002, 03:54 AM
Naah.. both my brother and myself.. we both view our parents as our REAL parents. And sure, we both have our desire to want to search for our biological mothers.. but that DOESN'T make us unappreciative of our parents that ACTUALLY raised us...
thanks for the input. i'm still thinking about it...

blkazngirl

10-09-2002, 06:44 PM

Originally posted by Hello_Hapa@Sep 24 2002, 04:06 PM
If I was single and 40s, I think I would adopt. Or take in foster kids. As long as I was financially stable.
I waited, had a good time traveled, worked hard, played hard. Settled down got married, had the baby, got divorced.

Kids are not cheap, and you can't take them back to the store for a refund. I'm glad that I waited as long as I did. Kids are cool. But you have to be willing to put yourself aside. Sure they cost money, but the most valuable thing I can give my daughter is "love". Kids want to hear the words, "I love you", feel the love you have for them. I'm always telling my kid I love her. Sometimes, I put little notes in her lunch or her pockets telling her. Anybody can buy stuff and say this is how much I love you. But they still want and need to hear I love you. :luv:

Uncle Tat

10-09-2002, 06:53 PM

Kudos to you.

Very few Asian people adopt, and whenever they do, it's always within their nationality.

angel nympho

10-09-2002, 07:27 PM

Originally posted by kasia@Sep 27 2002, 07:50 AM
[it's not that they believe there is something inherently wrong with adoption, but when i mentioned it to a couple of family members before, they stated that it might not be such a great idea b/c, even if i view the child as family, he/she might not view me as the same. they feel that the child will eventually want to search for his/her birth mother, and be nonappreciative towards me. i don't know--how valid are these beliefs anyway? does anyone know?
I think adoption is a good idea. I would love to adopt a child and let them know how special they are to me. And, I really don't know if they'd view me as family. I guess, to an extent, it depends on how old the child you adopt is. I mean, the older they are, the harder it will be to help them feel comfortable and at home and trusting. But I definately think it's possible to bring a child in your home (at any age) and have them become family.

I read in a book once... about a child who was adopted and was upset about other kids making fun of him. I think it was like... he was upset that other kids said his *real* parents didn't want him... the mom who raised him, though, consoled him by saying he was special because, unlike other kids, he was chosen to be a part of the family.... I don't know how an adopted kid would feel hearing that, but I thought it was really touching. And the imaginary kid in the book thought so too!!! http://figgaz.com/forums/images/smilies/inlove.gif

mydnyht

10-15-2002, 03:33 PM

If it was adoption, then yes. If it was by biological birth.... no... because I plan on saving myself for marriage.

princess

10-18-2002, 11:26 AM

i would never be a single mom because i just dont want kids period. i dont even reallie wanna get married.

nonamerasian

11-15-2003, 08:54 AM

Whether by adoption or giving birth. We've seen a lot of actresses do it lately. Would you? Do you feel you need to be married to have children? Or would you even feel comfortable having a baby with a friend and raising the child together?

Entertainers certainly have a leg up if they are paid well.

I don’t think I’d freak out as some other people would if I had to be a single-parent, but there are certainly benefits of having a husband (I'd rather a husband than friend), so I don’t exactly have the “I don’t need a man” mentality.

Especially if I have sons, I’d like them to see a responsible man involved and taking care of his kids.

That and because, although I’m not 100% sure yet, right now I’m thinking that I’d like to stay home with each child until they are at least three and a half or four before I work outside of the home, which would be extremely difficult to do financially without a mate.

However, if I am a single-parent, my children will still have a family. If I ever get hurt or am unable to take care of them, they will have numerous second cousins, aunts and uncles, and grandparents who I’m sure would be willing to take my spot. There are strong male role models in their extended family. And while I know it would be more difficult, it wouldn’t be impossible to raise balanced children without a father.