consent/no consent (sex)

[sandra]

how do you determine whether or not a girl is consenting to sex? would she have to affirmatively say yes? or would she just not have to say no? or is saying no in the beginning but eventually giving in a sign of consent? what happens if you're making out, things are pretty getting hot and heavy, and she passes out? would you continue? would that be rape?

please give your definition of consent.

[SunWuKong]

how do you determine whether or not a girl is consenting to sex? would she have to affirmatively say yes? or would she just not have to say no? or is saying no in the beginning but eventually giving in a sign of consent? what happens if you're making out, things are pretty getting hot and heavy, and she passes out? would you continue? would that be rape?

please give your definition of consent.

this is why i always ask, "do you like that?" :biggrin:

ok sorry for making light of a serious topic.

i would say that if she is not trying to get you off her, and if she hasn't verbally refused the sex, then she is consenting.

[sandra]

this is why i always ask, "do you like that?" :biggrin:

ok sorry for making light of a serious topic.

i would say that if she is not trying to get you off her, and if she hasn't verbally refused the sex, then she is consenting.

what if she's not verbally refusing but she's crying? i know guys wh- client's husbands/bfs who will just continue despite the fact that she's crying.

[mr. x]

well this isnt a consent issue, this is a how good a person are u issue

obviously a good man will go "no, no, i cant do this" and stop even if she begs

[ellsworth81]

if she makes absolutely no signs or gestures of not wanting any, then it would seem consensual. but i guess the "drunk" factor mucks that up....

[hooligan]

i don't know, the girl i'm kind of dating is more into physically expressing how she feels and if she's crying and we're having sex or engaging in sex. i'd stop. i'd totally wait for the verbal yes from anyone though. i'm not going to drink and have sex. i'm not going to mix my fun. : P

[sandra]

well this isnt a consent issue, this is a how good a person are u issue

obviously a good man will go "no, no, i cant do this" and stop even if she begs

i don't think this is necessarily so. depending on a person's upbringing, peers, and other environmental influences, it could very well be the case that his definition of consent may allow for more negative responses from a girl during sexual interaction and he might believe that it is entirely normal.

i am not saying that he would be right in his belief; i'm just saying it may not necessarily make him a bad person - given the fact that he believes his and her actions are normal.

what is necessary is that he be educated on what a women feels. but before we move on to that, i just wanted to first get a sense of what most guys on this forum believe consent to be.

[SunWuKong]

what if she's not verbally refusing but she's crying? i know guys wh- client's husbands/bfs who will just continue despite the fact that she's crying.


well, personally, if it looks like i'm hurting her or something, i always stop and ask.

[jimbo]

how do you determine whether or not a girl is consenting to sex? would she have to affirmatively say yes? or would she just not have to say no? or is saying no in the beginning but eventually giving in a sign of consent? what happens if you're making out, things are pretty getting hot and heavy, and she passes out? would you continue? would that be rape?

please give your definition of consent.


If she says yes then sure I go ahead but the only time I wouldn't is if she was drunk as she's not in control of the situation she's in.

Once she's said no then I won't try and have sex with her. If she passes out part way through then I'd stop, The last thing a man needs is an accusation of rape hanging over his head.

I once met a girl who had this fantasy about being raped and wanted me to be the guy that did it, I point blanked refused as it was too freaky and even if she consented she still could of cried foul after it happened.

I'm just not ready for the big house yet!

[SunWuKong]

I once met a girl who had this fantasy about being raped and wanted me to be the guy that did it, I point blanked refused as it was too freaky and even if she consented she still could of cried foul after it happened.

see, i don't understand acting out rape fantasies. i mean, the girl is still consenting because it's not real rape.

[jimbo]

see, i don't understand acting out rape fantasies. i mean, the girl is still consenting because it's not real rape.


I know what you mean, she wanted me to do the whole thing of just grabbing her and throwing her onto the bed and well you know the rest.

Thats just not my style at all, When am I ever going to meet a nice girl? :tongue:

[younggiftedandblack]

what if she's not verbally refusing but she's crying? i know guys wh- client's husbands/bfs who will just continue despite the fact that she's crying.

Suppose those are teras of joy?? Crying in and of itself doesn't mean no. What's stopping her from saying just NO!!!? It seems that would take alot less energy then crying.

[PropellerheadCP]

I don't think it's even an issue for me. Then again, I haven't been close enough to any woman, that I know can just "get into bed" with, without asking. So for me, I would require a green light, before making advances. I don't understand how some men feel that they don't, sometimes. Not only could that get them into trouble, but its also really selfish.

[TB4000]

That line is very blurry though. Sometimes you have the women that claim they prefer the male to take charge of the situation and goad them into it, whereas others don't. I know it's a broken record, but we're not mind readers...we need to know flat out sometimes what you want and what you don't.

[SunWuKong]

I know what you mean, she wanted me to do the whole thing of just grabbing her and throwing her onto the bed and well you know the rest.

Thats just not my style at all, When am I ever going to meet a nice girl? :tongue:

oh, like, she was going to resist?
see, if a girl was going to resist, even if she was just putting on a show, it's just too much work. i'd rather just sit on the couch and have a beer until she decides she really wants to have sex.

Suppose those are teras of joy?? Crying in and of itself doesn't mean no. What's stopping her from saying just NO!!!? It seems that would take alot less energy then crying.

you're kidding right?

[younggiftedandblack]

Not really. I mean what kind of crying are you talking about here. Just a tear or two or striaght out bawling??? If it's the latter then I'd say yes hold off. If she's crying beforehand over something else entirly then that would be taken into consideration also. I've had plenty of "comfort" sex.

[SunWuKong]

Not really. I mean what kind of crying are you talking about here. Just a tear or two or striaght out bawling??? If it's the latter then I'd say yes hold off. If she's crying beforehand over something else entirly then that would be taken into consideration also. I've had plenty of "comfort" sex.

i guess i just don't understand how you could even be in the mood for sex if the girl had been crying. maybe it's just me, but that raises sympathy in me instead of turning me on.

[mr. x]

I know what you mean, she wanted me to do the whole thing of just grabbing her and throwing her onto the bed and well you know the rest.

Thats just not my style at all, When am I ever going to meet a nice girl? :tongue:

quit complaining, u need to send some of these mean girls over to me if you dont want em

[deez nuts]

i guess i just don't understand how you could even be in the mood for sex if the girl had been crying. maybe it's just me, but that raises sympathy in me instead of turning me on.

i heard or read somewhere that jessica simpson cried on her wedding night when she was getting deflowered and ushered into womanhood.

nick lachey mustered enuff inner fortitude to look past it and seal the deal.

edit: my idea of consent? i guess it depends.

[ChinaLama]

I've never been in the situation where I'd be having sex, so I'm interested too, what would be considered consent? I don't think most women explicitly say, "Yes. Have sex with me." So I'm not really sure. I guess for me I would just read the "mood" (like what we're doing before), but I think if a person is making out w/ a someone else and the other person starts gesturing to stop, then no that wouldn't be consensual. But if a girl is drunk and less inhibited than usual and didn't object to sex and goes along w/ some pleasure and merely "regrets it in the morning," then it is consent.

[nonamerasian]

If she doesn't look comfortable, why not ask?

It's better to ask, "Should I stop?," than to answer, "What do you plea?"

[>:^|]

First you get that knowing glance
When that potential partner makes an advance.
But if you really want to be sure
Your partner wants dr. love's cure
Wait 'til your beloved rips off your pants.

[sandra]

i heard or read somewhere that jessica simpson cried on her wedding night when she was getting deflowered and ushered into womanhood.

nick lachey mustered enuff inner fortitude to look past it and seal the deal.

see - i find that disturbing. how can he be so sure that she was ready? and where did he get the idea that if he just went ahead and was aggressive that she'd be okay with it?

But if a girl is drunk and less inhibited than usual and didn't object to sex and goes along w/ some pleasure and merely "regrets it in the morning," then it is consent.

but then there's that gray area where she's not consenting but is too drunk to make any affirmative "i really don't want to" motions.

[mrazntre]

2 words "wedding night"

nuff said.

If she doesn't look comfortable, why not ask?

It's better to ask, "Should I stop?," than to answer, "What do you plea?"

are you comfortable? should i stop? what do you plea? would you rather have it in your mouth?





like that?

[applehead]

well they said that they both cried.
i'm sure they talked about having sex
on their wedding night beforehand.
they were probably planning it for a long time.

[TB4000]

If she doesn't look comfortable, why not ask?

It's better to ask, "Should I stop?," than to answer, "What do you plea?"
I see what you're saying, but I wouldn't wanna be accused of killing the mood, either. I don't want her saying to her little circle of girls afterwards, "he was soooo boring and predictable, asking me what I wanted and crap instead of just going with it." It's too gray an area sometimes, man.

[deez nuts]

2 words "wedding night"

nuff said.


i wonder if nick was thinking to himself, "gotcha bitch!"

[mrazntre]

BAM!

popped another cherrry.

[Kuchana]

I see what you're saying, but I wouldn't wanna be accused of killing the mood, either. I don't want her saying to her little circle of girls afterwards, "he was soooo boring and predictable, asking me what I wanted and crap instead of just going with it." It's too gray an area sometimes, man.

i guess you just have to find the right moment to say it and what to say without having to kill the mood.

[Bhodi_Li]

I once met a girl who had this fantasy about being raped and wanted me to be the guy that did it, I point blanked refused as it was too freaky and even if she consented she still could of cried foul after it happened.

I'm just not ready for the big house yet!There was a Shannon Tweed movie where she told her boyfriend to do that. She had hidden cameras that taped them and then she told the police that he raped her.

The whole passed out thing for me is a no brainer. Just cause problems. What if she starts saying no, and then after a little more foreplay is begging yes?

[Irezumi Kiss]

It all depends on the person I'm with. I try to read the person as best as possible. If I vibe the person then I know how far to take things, how far she would like me to go. Depending on how I feel, I already know how far I wanna go.

Looks, touches, body lingo. Things that are said and the way they are said. Sometimes all it leads to is a good n' heavy kissing session. I think the consent part lies in not only possible sexual intercourse but just being intimate with each other on whatever level that may arise. Sometimes it's only just holding hands or wrapping arms walking down the street. Sometimes the kissing leads to other things and sometimes it doesn't. I'm totally cool with whatever happens.

I know when she takes my hand off her waist or backside and breaks the kiss, stepping away from me it means she likes what we're doing but she wants a little air and perhaps nothing more. I know when she takes my hands and puts them on her breasts or under her skirt that it's about time to pay the bill and catch that joint taxi ride back to Brooklyn.

[mrazntre]

just videotape when she says "yes, let's fuck"

then if she starts crying, fuck it, just keep on fucking her till she says no or something.

..i'd fuck her.

[achtungbaby]

please give your definition of consent.
Unless she's sent me a certified letter or email explicating her dissent, than everything is all good:P

It's an interesting question though and I suppose for the bottom rung amongst us, perhaps even instructive to hear.

[deez nuts]

just videotape when she says "yes, let's fuck"

then if she starts crying, fuck it, just keep on fucking her till she says no or something.

..i'd fuck her.


i think it was mike tyson that has one bodyguard in his room when he's with a woman so the bodyguard can be his alibi. he started doing that after he was released from prison.

i think i read that in sports illustrated or ESPN magazine

[applehead]

ew. that's nasty.

[Irezumi Kiss]

ew. that's nasty.
yeah ROIGHT.

YOU say no to that bankroll. Or what USED to be his bankroll.

Hell, I'd sit in on Janet Reno's schtupp sessions for some o' that loot.

:biggrin:

[mr. x]

yeah ROIGHT.

YOU say no to that bankroll. Or what USED to be his bankroll.

Hell, I'd sit in on Janet Reno's schtupp sessions for some o' that loot.

:biggrin:

but then if you're a right hand man for tyson wheres your credibility, wheres your objectivity?

you're on his friggin payroll!

[AngryABCGirl]

I see what you're saying, but I wouldn't wanna be accused of killing the mood, either. I don't want her saying to her little circle of girls afterwards, "he was soooo boring and predictable, asking me what I wanted and crap instead of just going with it." It's too gray an area sometimes, man.

No, I think most girls would appreciate that you're taking enough effort to make sure everything is alright.

[relus]

I believe you should either ask or tell her upfront that youd like to "love her/please her", if she nods or says yes, theres the green light :)