Have you had an IR relationship?

[Kuchana]

IR as in inter-racial. If so, how was the experience in general? Were there any complications from you or your s.o because of it or from friends or family?
Would you be willing to take the risks again?

I've had only one ir relationship. The interesting thing is that I experienced animosity by other Asians in Hawaii of all places. It was very uncomfortable and awkward for me because I'd never experienced the like before, mostly from Asian males and the older Asian generation staring blatantly at us when we were in public. My dad was against it as well because he wanted me to be with an Asian man even though he's white. Hah go figure. My friends in contrast were fine with it.

But if I had to repeat it again, I'd do it willingly and take the risks involved.

[artsfartsyjanet]

I've been in an IR relationship. Not pretty with my family. I'm now in an intraracial relationship. There are slight complications (e.g. language barriers between me and his family) but it's not something that can't be fixed. In my situation, it would be hard b/c my family strongly detests Interracial relationships. So, they make my life a living hell. I am not sure if I want to be in an interracial relationship knowing my family's pressures... it certainly makes life more difficult, but if I really like a guy all that much and I have the means to support myself, than I wouldn't mind the chaos from my family.

[missmeow]

Most of the time, it has been ok. I mean, there are always ignorant people who will do ignorant things. Only once did I have drop someone because their friends couldn't handle it.

[TB4000]

Most of the girls I've been out with have been black, but during my junior year of high school I had a girlfriend that was korean. She informed me right off the bat that her parents wouldn't be cool with us going out, and after a while I finally got the chance to meet them...needless to say, we broke up soon after that...=P

[Sledge]

My girlfriend is white. My parents like her, and hers like me. My parents have no problem with racial differences, which is pretty awesome of them, but they do want me to marry a Christian and that could raise a few troubles down the line...

I should really get around to telling them I've gone heathen.

[shy]

been in both types of relationships... and except for the very first one interracial relationship i've been in (which was the third guy i had been involved in and was pretty serious), my family and friends really haven't cared much about the race. so really... no problem either way.

but that one said white guy wasn't well liked by friends and family due to the fact that he was a real selfish and arrogant jerk. it really had nothing to do with his race.

[rice cracker]

Lol, pretty much all my relationships are IR. If you think about it, being half and all. Looking white but feeling Asian. I think my (white) family would be a lot happier seeing me end up with a white guy. They're pretty old school. Since I've moved to MN I've only ever brought two boyfriends home for the holidays, both of them white. It's a bit off putting when my dad talks about Asians, and punctuates it with, "Goddamn Koreans," or whatever ethnicity he's referring to. And I know the older family members had a lot of issues with my dad marrying a Korean. My great aunt has gone so far as to tell me that they told my mother to have an abortion when she was pregnant wit me. I worry about what would happen if I did get very serious with an Asian guy. I would want to bring them home and have my family be cool with them, but with their current attitudes (my dad especially) I would really rather not subject the poor guy to a Thanksgiving dinner full of stares and awkwardness.

[TB4000]

Lol, pretty much all my relationships are IR. If you think about it, being half and all. Looking white but feeling Asian. I think my (white) family would be a lot happier seeing me end up with a white guy. They're pretty old school. Since I've moved to MN I've only ever brought two boyfriends home for the holidays, both of them white. It's a bit off putting when my dad talks about Asians, and punctuates it with, "Goddamn Koreans," or whatever ethnicity he's referring to. And I know the older family members had a lot of issues with my dad marrying a Korean. My great aunt has gone so far as to tell me that they told my mother to have an abortion when she was pregnant wit me. I worry about what would happen if I did get very serious with an Asian guy. I would want to bring them home and have my family be cool with them, but with their current attitudes (my dad especially) I would really rather not subject the poor guy to a Thanksgiving dinner full of stares and awkwardness.


Man, rice cracker...your aunt seriously told you that? Man....that's just too wild for words. You'd like to think something like that would be a non-issue in this day and age, but from everyone's peronal experience it's pretty damn prevalent.

[rice cracker]

Man, rice cracker...your aunt seriously told you that? Man....that's just too wild for words. You'd like to think something like that would be a non-issue in this day and age, but from everyone's peronal experience it's pretty damn prevalent.

Well, everyone's family is different. Mine just happen to be from a small, rural town and they've had nothing but small, rural experiences. Luckily I didn't go to live with them until I was 15 and then moved away when I was 18, or man, I could just imagine the self-hate issues I'd have. As it is, I'm uncomfortable discussing certain topics with them, and IR would be a big one. I'm thinking about warming them up, though, by bringing my best friend (a hapa male) home for one of the holidays. Would be interesting.

[moJo]

IR as in inter-racial. If so, how was the experience in general? Were there any complications from you or your s.o because of it or from friends or family?
Would you be willing to take the risks again?
For me, the experience wasn't any different from the monoracial relationships I've had in the past. And it was a non-issue with my friends too. As for family, my parents were cool with it, and him. He respected them, and they respected him. The communication wasn't as fluid btwn them and him, as it was with the previous ex, since my parents' english is around 75% fluency, but it wasn't a sign-language/gesturing thing either. They got along well, esp my dad and him cuz they found common interests to talk about (geeky boy stuff- computers, cameras, etc). The only thing that got old was when we all would go to eat, and they'd try to shove chinese "delicacies" down the poor boy's throat, like pork blood, chicken feet, and internal organs. But they did that with the Japanese exchange students that live with them, too.

[Cipherous]

Well, everyone's family is different. Mine just happen to be from a small, rural town and they've had nothing but small, rural experiences. Luckily I didn't go to live with them until I was 15 and then moved away when I was 18, or man, I could just imagine the self-hate issues I'd have. As it is, I'm uncomfortable discussing certain topics with them, and IR would be a big one. I'm thinking about warming them up, though, by bringing my best friend (a hapa male) home for one of the holidays. Would be interesting.

do they know you're half Korean?

[rice cracker]

do they know you're half Korean?

Of course they know. My dad's nickname for me used to be Bucket head.

[moJo]

i just got back from pho right now, and i realized something. one complication (if you could call it that) was that he doesn't eat soupy stuff, like pho or jook. so that kinda sucked.

[golden_buns]

It ticked me when comments like these came up;

"why do you asians..."
"Is it true that chinese people do..."
"Why do get worked up chinese, koreans, japanese..etc are pretty much the same"
"hmmm...I want to learn japanese"

[SunWuKong]

i just got back from pho right now, and i realized something. one complication (if you could call it that) was that he doesn't eat soupy stuff, like pho or jook. so that kinda sucked.

well, Chinese people in general just eat a wider variety of things. i'm not really surprised he doesn't eat that stuff. that's why Chinese restaurants give their non-Asian/non-Chinese customers the Americanised menus.

[Kuchana]

I think my (white) family would be a lot happier seeing me end up with a white guy. They're pretty old school. Since I've moved to MN I've only ever brought two boyfriends home for the holidays, both of them white. It's a bit off putting when my dad talks about Asians, and punctuates it with, "Goddamn Koreans," or whatever ethnicity he's referring to. And I know the older family members had a lot of issues with my dad marrying a Korean. My great aunt has gone so far as to tell me that they told my mother to have an abortion when she was pregnant wit me. I worry about what would happen if I did get very serious with an Asian guy. I would want to bring them home and have my family be cool with them, but with their current attitudes (my dad especially) I would really rather not subject the poor guy to a Thanksgiving dinner full of stares and awkwardness.

That's terrible about suggesting to abort you :frown:
What's their reasoning for wanting you to be with a white guy instead of an Asian?
Also, regardless of your family's preference, do you tend to favor white guys to Asian guys or vice versa? Or it doesn't matter?
That's funny. When I was adopted (my adoptive family on my dad's side have a negative viewpoint about blacks and my grandpa even calls them the n word. Yet in an area where Asians are very scarce, I'm kinda surprised that they've accepted me with open arms since I thought they would be hesistant to do so due to my race.

[rice cracker]

That's terrible about suggesting to abort you :frown:
What's their reasoning for wanting you to be with a white guy instead of an Asian?
Also, regardless of your family's preference, do you tend to favor white guys to Asian guys or vice versa? Or it doesn't matter?
That's funny. When I was adopted (my adoptive family on my dad's side have a negative viewpoint about blacks and my grandpa even calls them the n word. Yet in an area where Asians are very scarce, I'm kinda surprised that they've accepted me with open arms since I thought they would be hesistant to do so due to my race.

Let's see, they haven't come out and said, "Don't date/marry anyone who isn't white," but my feeling is that their comfort zone would be seriously rocked if I did just that. Racial slurs aside, there is also the fact that they have nothing nice to say about my mother, and I'm probably right when I guess that they use her as an example of all Asian people. Besides, my dad is a redneck, so it's fairly obvious that "white is right."

As for preference in men, I would have to say I'm more attracted to Asian men, but this may have not been the case if I were raised by my dad and his family in Minnesota. And, of course, I'm not against dating other races either.

[deez nuts]

ladies:

please post stories about your IR relationships in detail i.e. how you met.

[kitty]

yes. my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years is African American. The fam was not amused. I nearly got disowned and we're still working issues out.

edit: in response to CSB's post ^---(above):

We met over orientation week at college... like the day after move-in. there was a ballroom dancing event and we both sorta got dragged by the people on our floor. It was the last dance of the night... everyone had partnered off and we ended up in the middle of the floor, the music starting up and he gave me the cheesiest line ever -- "so... I guess it's just us". We haven't stopped dancing since.

[tommyhtown]

I hate it when people assume that Asians only date Asians, especially this Asian. A few of my coworkers assume that I am only interested in Asian girls and my family only approve of me dating Asians. Their stupid stereotype annoyed the heck out of me.

I guess my family is cool with the kids dating interracially since two of aunts married white guys. All and all my uncle-in-laws are cool with all the family members since they have adapted their taste buds and are now able to eat spicy Thai food.

[coagulated fat]

ladies:

please post stories about your IR relationships in detail i.e. how you met.
Why? Doesn't seem like it would be that interesting or telling, probably they met just the same way a same-race couple meet.

Eh, I think most of us have had IR relationships. A better question is "have you never had an IR relationship"

[>:^|]

Why? Doesn't seem like it would be that interesting or telling, probably they met just the same way a same-race couple meet.

Eh, I think most of us have had IR relationships. A better question is "have you never had an IR relationship"

Who'd be same-race for coagulated fat?
Would she have to date hapa for that?
Do you think she'd prefer Asian?
Or maybe Caucasian?
Or just someone to verbally combat?

[sandra]

i've never been in an IR relationship. i've dated asians outside my ethnicity, though. would that count?

[moJo]

i've never been in an IR relationship. i've dated asians outside my ethnicity, though. would that count?
i think that's considered "intra-racial". so, technically, it's "IR". :tongue:

[BigLew]

IR as in inter-racial. If so, how was the experience in general? Were there any complications from you or your s.o because of it or from friends or family?
Would you be willing to take the risks again?

I've had only one ir relationship. The interesting thing is that I experienced animosity by other Asians in Hawaii of all places. It was very uncomfortable and awkward for me because I'd never experienced the like before, mostly from Asian males and the older Asian generation staring blatantly at us when we were in public. My dad was against it as well because he wanted me to be with an Asian man even though he's white. Hah go figure. My friends in contrast were fine with it.

But if I had to repeat it again, I'd do it willingly and take the risks involved.This is kinda suprising, most AAA's I know of (including myself) usually date more IR than do otherwise if not for the lack of options if anything else. As a matter of fact I think since I have never dated a Korean girl and only 2 Asian girls total in my life I guess I have never been in anything but IR relationships.

[sandra]

i'm chinese. i dated a chinese guy whose family was from china, a chinese/korean guy, a korean guy.

like how i made my transition? if i ever date a japanese guy, i will first have to date a korean/japanese guy to test the waters. same with every other ethnicity. it is important not to jump into things - transition is key. :)

my family didn't give me a hard time with any of them. not friends, either.

[deez nuts]

Why? Doesn't seem like it would be that interesting or telling, probably they met just the same way a same-race couple meet.

Eh, I think most of us have had IR relationships. A better question is "have you never had an IR relationship"


indulge a brother, will ya?

[sandra]

i've never dated non-asians. i've never found any white guy attractive. even when i tried. is that strange?

[dragonlord]

Well, I've dated white, hispanic and hapas before. I've also dated "Intra"-racially, thanks Mojo for coining that term, namely Chinese, Koreans, Pinays, Laos. But, I've never dated Vietnamese before, which is my own race. Even when I tried, things just never worked out with me and Viet girls. I mean we spoke the same language, ate the same food, came from the same cultural background, but it just never clicked, y'know? Weird... Maybe I'm too rambunctious for them. I hate to stereotype, but more often than not, Viet girls tend to like to have control over their men. And, they probably figured that shit wasn't gonna ride with me and I was more trouble than I was worth... :frown:

[moJo]

Well, I've dated white, hispanic and hapas before. I've also dated "Intra"-racially, thanks Mojo for coining that term, namely Chinese, Koreans, Pinays, Laos.
Actually I can't take credit for that. :smile: I think I jacked it from that other AA site where IR is discussed ad nauseam.

[tazadar]

yes. my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years is African American. The fam was not amused. I nearly got disowned and we're still working issues out.

edit: in response to CSB's post ^---(above):

We met over orientation week at college... like the day after move-in. there was a ballroom dancing event and we both sorta got dragged by the people on our floor. It was the last dance of the night... everyone had partnered off and we ended up in the middle of the floor, the music starting up and he gave me the cheesiest line ever -- "so... I guess it's just us". We haven't stopped dancing since.
I don't think that's cheesy. It's magical. That stuff only happens in movies.

[applehead]

Actually I can't take credit for that. :smile: I think I jacked it from that other AA site where IR is discussed ad nauseam.

model minority?
kjekekekeke

[slacker]

i've never dated non-asians. i've never found any white guy attractive. even when i tried. is that strange?

What about other non-asians?

[sandra]

What about other non-asians?

yeh. i've been attracted to other minorities.

[mr. x]

hmm i hope this isnt irrelevant kasia but anyway

i mentioned a million times about that blonde in my english class, of course i didnt get to know her well enough but i did harbor thoughts about what it woulda been like to be with her and i kinda find myself wondering if "white" girls are less trustworthy. i mean i duno maybe she's totally clean but i figure id probly trust an asian girl more whereas theres always this feeling the white girl might do something freaky on me but thats just me really

[>:^|]

hmm i hope this isnt irrelevant kasia but anyway

i mentioned a million times about that blonde in my english class, of course i didnt get to know her well enough but i did harbor thoughts about what it woulda been like to be with her and i kinda find myself wondering if "white" girls are less trustworthy. i mean i duno maybe she's totally clean but i figure id probly trust an asian girl more whereas theres always this feeling the white girl might do something freaky on me but thats just me really

Hmm, I've wondered about this as well
But with a small N it's too hard to tell
I probably should date more
To increase the score
And consideration of diverse personnel.

[mr. x]

Hmm, I've wondered about this as well
But with a small N it's too hard to tell
I probably should date more
To increase the score
And consideration of diverse personnel.

whoa whoa buddy think things through! you'll have to pay child support :biggrin:

[shy]

hmm i hope this isnt irrelevant kasia but anyway

i mentioned a million times about that blonde in my english class, of course i didnt get to know her well enough but i did harbor thoughts about what it woulda been like to be with her and i kinda find myself wondering if "white" girls are less trustworthy. i mean i duno maybe she's totally clean but i figure id probly trust an asian girl more whereas theres always this feeling the white girl might do something freaky on me but thats just me really

:) you will never really truely know until you take some calculated risks in life, right? what i mean by calculated risks... always try not to go into anything w/ blinders on. whether it be with an asian or non-asian woman. but really... wouldn't you rather find out for yourself then live your life with that naggin' feeling of 'what if-?'

anyway, if you find out that she's not trust-worthy, just try to remember that it may not have anything to do w/ the fact that she's white.

but i say... go for it!

[TTChino]

Does dating a different asian race count as IR?

[moJo]

Does dating a different asian race count as IR?
you mean, a different asian ethnicity? we sorta talked about that a few posts up. :smile:

[TTChino]

A white girl tried to molest me at a New Years Party, does that count?

[SunWuKong]

hmm i hope this isnt irrelevant kasia but anyway

i mentioned a million times about that blonde in my english class, of course i didnt get to know her well enough but i did harbor thoughts about what it woulda been like to be with her and i kinda find myself wondering if "white" girls are less trustworthy. i mean i duno maybe she's totally clean but i figure id probly trust an asian girl more whereas theres always this feeling the white girl might do something freaky on me but thats just me really

go for it. blonde white girls are totally exotic. i have a fetish for them.

oh yeah, and it would be empowering to Asian men, too, if you got with the blonde white girl.

[missmeow]

hmm i hope this isnt irrelevant kasia but anyway

i mentioned a million times about that blonde in my english class, of course i didnt get to know her well enough but i did harbor thoughts about what it woulda been like to be with her and i kinda find myself wondering if "white" girls are less trustworthy. i mean i duno maybe she's totally clean but i figure id probly trust an asian girl more whereas theres always this feeling the white girl might do something freaky on me but thats just me really


You mean like tie you to a chair and go shopping freaky?

[mr. x]

:) you will never really truely know until you take some calculated risks in life, right? what i mean by calculated risks... always try not to go into anything w/ blinders on. whether it be with an asian or non-asian woman. but really... wouldn't you rather find out for yourself then live your life with that naggin' feeling of 'what if-?'

anyway, if you find out that she's not trust-worthy, just try to remember that it may not have anything to do w/ the fact that she's white.

but i say... go for it!

well i got held back more cuz we didnt have the chance to get to know each other more i guess, not so much the race thing

[Sledge]

go for it. blonde white girls are totally exotic. i have a fetish for them.

oh yeah, and it would be empowering to Asian men, too, if you got with the blonde white girl.

AAAAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHA. gurgle.

x, I wouldn't be too worried. Give her the benefit of the doubt and see what happens.

[mr. x]

You mean like tie you to a chair and go shopping freaky?

like ill come home and see her with another woman...no wait, thatd be pretty cool :eek:

[younggiftedandblack]

I've only had two serious relationships in my adult life. My ex-wife is white and we produced a very beautiful daughter together.

My fiance is Japanese. We've been together for almost three years and sstill very much in love even though she's in Tokyo-Fussa and I'm here in Vegas :frown: She's met my family and they love her like she's already part of the family. Her family on the other refuses to meet me. This is a problem since we plan on getting married later this year.

[TB4000]

I've only had two serious relationships in my adult life. My ex-wife is white and we produced a very beautiful daughter together.

My fiance is Japanese. We've been together for almost three years and sstill very much in love even though she's in Tokyo-Fussa and I'm here in Vegas :frown: She's met my family and they love her like she's already part of the family. Her family on the other refuses to meet me. This is a problem since we plan on getting married later this year.


LOL, that's how mine in high school was, man. My family couldn't wait to meet her and we went to several family gatherings and what not...then I met her parents, then bam....relationship was over.

[Fireblade]

Hrm.... I can't say it was an offical relationship, since we were friends and all, but my ex-best friend in the world was a hapa. She's chinese and white, but I think she could pass for largely asian. Personally I can't say I've been in an Inter-Racial relationship, mostly because I don't think 3 dates count as a relationship. I guess it's when you go "offical" that I grab at the notion that you are in a relationship.

With that said, I'm probably one of the more open-minded guys in my group. I have dated white, hispanic, japanese, east-indiant, russian, spanish, hapas, and other asians. But my first relationship was a Chinese girl born and raised in the same city as I was.

I think why the first relationship worked out, was probably because we had many similarities together, so that's why we meshed so well for the time we were together. The others didn't because either I was found too many faults, or they found out that we didn't work out well. I guess that can be said for all relationships, but it's harder when you're going out with a white girl, and she mentions something about her dad being somewhat racist against asians because of the Vietnam war. *grumbles*

But those are all superfical things. Personally, I think if you get past all of it, and you only focus on the both of you, an IR relationship will only be so in name only.

[d4sman]

Yah, Ive been in some, my family was cool with it...they had no problem at all, but then again I'm a mix, so it wasn't anythin new. The womans family never seemed upset that she was dating someone who wasn't of pure blood. And my take has always been, all that matters is if the 2 of you care for each other, your family is just gonna have to deal with it.

[Blue dice]

^^^
Hey D4sman you look EXACTLY like a friend of mine who is also a hapa.

I've dated interracially (Hispanic, white, and one hapa) but it's not something I purposely seek out like some asians. It's mostly people I met from school or we just happened to hang out in the same crowds and hit it off. My family doesn't really care who I date. I did find that the most receptive family was from the hispanic girl I dated. Her family really did accept me as one of their own right off the bat, mom called me meho :). Unfortunately it didn't work out in the end but we are still friends.

Other than that the rest have been mostly asian and for some reason Korean. I've dated exactly 1 Chinese girl in my entire lifetime.

[calauria]

yes, i am in an interracial relationship...
i am african american and my husband is cuban american...we just
had our 1st child...
there have been problems with him and my family, not racial issues, but
personality, the race thing doesn't matter with my family...
with his family, i've been accepted just fine, no problems or anything....

[ay dee]

i'm in an IR relationship right now with an african american. haven't told my parents yet. i did kind of bring up the topic once a while back and they freaked out on me and my dad told me he would disown me. he said his one major fear when he moved to this country was for his children to marry a black person. umm, yeah.

well, i'm working up to telling them....we've been together for a little over a year now. we actually went to the same high school, although we didn't know each other at the time - we only knew of each other. we had a mutual friend and eventually met, although we didn't start dating until a year ago. before that, we were just friends, mainly over the phone since we lived in different states.

anyway, i dread telling my parents - i know they will think it's the end of the world and they'll give me some crap about how i can do better, etc. (ie korean, or white, as a "compromise"). *sigh* such is life.

[kitty]

i'm in an IR relationship right now with an african american. haven't told my parents yet. i did kind of bring up the topic once a while back and they freaked out on me and my dad told me he would disown me. he said his one major fear when he moved to this country was for his children to marry a black person. umm, yeah.

well, i'm working up to telling them....we've been together for a little over a year now. we actually went to the same high school, although we didn't know each other at the time - we only knew of each other. we had a mutual friend and eventually met, although we didn't start dating until a year ago. before that, we were just friends, mainly over the phone since we lived in different states.

anyway, i dread telling my parents - i know they will think it's the end of the world and they'll give me some crap about how i can do better, etc. (ie korean, or white, as a "compromise"). *sigh* such is life.

unasked for advice, I know. don't lie like i did. better to tell them and deal with the shit. later on, you deal with the same shit plus the 'you lied to me shit'. it's worse.

i wish i had told them way back when and dealt with it when it was happening.

[TB4000]

unasked for advice, I know. don't lie like i did. better to tell them and deal with the shit. later on, you deal with the same shit plus the 'you lied to me shit'. it's worse.

i wish i had told them way back when and dealt with it when it was happening.


Yeah, I guess that would be the best route to go. You probably already read my comment about my dating the korean chick back in high school and her parents made us break up. Mine was the worst case scenario, but it's not always the most common case.

[thaite]

Lol, pretty much all my relationships are IR. If you think about it, being half and all. Looking white but feeling Asian. I think my (white) family would be a lot happier seeing me end up with a white guy. They're pretty old school. Since I've moved to MN I've only ever brought two boyfriends home for the holidays, both of them white. It's a bit off putting when my dad talks about Asians, and punctuates it with, "Goddamn Koreans," or whatever ethnicity he's referring to. And I know the older family members had a lot of issues with my dad marrying a Korean. My great aunt has gone so far as to tell me that they told my mother to have an abortion when she was pregnant wit me. I worry about what would happen if I did get very serious with an Asian guy. I would want to bring them home and have my family be cool with them, but with their current attitudes (my dad especially) I would really rather not subject the poor guy to a Thanksgiving dinner full of stares and awkwardness.

Oh, that's soooo... disappointing, but not unexpected. I had considered goin to the Twin Cities for grad school, but even my white friends there said the social life and dating pool was pretty bad. Don't wanna find out what it'd be like for an Asian guy.

[Irezumi Kiss]

i just got back from pho right now, and i realized something. one complication (if you could call it that) was that he doesn't eat soupy stuff, like pho or jook. so that kinda sucked.

Funny thing...kinda reminds me of what my Korean ex told me about going to see a Korean movie with her older White male "boyfriend." (we broke up but were still "together" in some ways — long long story)

I forgot what movie they saw but she told me he wasn't getting into it at all and wanted to leave. She was kinda pissed off and told me "if I had gone with you, it wouldn't have happened, cuz I know you like Korean stuff."

I was like, "yeah, you're right...(sigh)"

I've heard of the notion that women like to "teach" their men new things, or introduce to them things they don't know of, I suppose in an indirect way to "change" them...if that's so, any Asian woman who wants to get with ME will usually be bitchy of the fact that I can get down with more Asian stuff than SHE does, with or without her help!

[Mo'Taka]

when I first moved here there were barely any asians so all my relationships were with whites. but after I graduated and returned from Korea and boot camp all of a sudden there was an explosion in the Korean population. With that surge came the Korean girls. Too bad most of them are a bit on the young side.
Hopefully when I move out of this town I'll meet more Asian girls, especially girls that makes my attraction towards them feel legal. :biggrin:

[Proxy]

Great topic

I have never dated outside my race and never will do so. There is only one race and that is the Human race. That aside I prefer American girls of all ethnicities especially Eurasians and German Americans.

Based on my personal experience the girls in the top 10% IE 9's and 10's are much more favorable toward "interracial" dating.

I have a slight problem though, once a girl likes me then I am turned off by her, even if she is very beautiful. Prehaps I am only in the game to see if I can conquer them, once the war is over, the interest level plummets. Does anyone else share the same phenomena?

[haku]

I've only dated other Asian Americans, predominantly East Asian Americans, because that's who's been most interested in me, and that's who I meet most in my activities. I think there's still a lot of color prejudice, though, rather disappointing.

Basically, I don't think a caucasian would understand my political and cultural leanings.

But I'm still single anyway...

[BaiginLong]

hmm with my ex and I her father was like "that chinaman" (actually something worse than that but I forget)
so yeah much hate on me

[kitty]

I have never dated outside my race and never will do so. There is only one race and that is the Human race.

that's very nice. now back to your regularly scheduled REALITY.

race is a huge problem in our world, and while it is a 'made-up' category (if we're talking genetics), humans have made it a huge social issue and have built a society around it. we can't just *will* racial problems to go away, now, just 'cuz a few people have said 'racism isn't a problem'.

a lot of problems people in IR relationships face are because the entire world sees race, and not just 'the human race'. that statement merely makes light of a serious problem people in IRs have to deal with.

[applehead]

I have a slight problem though, once a girl likes me then I am turned off by her, even if she is very beautiful. Prehaps I am only in the game to see if I can conquer them, once the war is over, the interest level plummets. Does anyone else share the same phenomena?

yeah. it's called immaturity.
when you grow older. you might grow out of it.
i dunno.

[Proxy]

that's very nice. now back to your regularly scheduled REALITY.

race is a huge problem in our world, and while it is a 'made-up' category (if we're talking genetics), humans have made it a huge social issue and have built a society around it. we can't just *will* racial problems to go away, now, just 'cuz a few people have said 'racism isn't a problem'.

a lot of problems people in IR relationships face are because the entire world sees race, and not just 'the human race'. that statement merely makes light of a serious problem people in IRs have to deal with.

I guess we just have to keep F***ing each other until we all look the same. :rolleyes:

[ChairmanMah]

dealing with the ignorance in society is enough let alone marrying into a whole family of it.

[blkazngirl]

Being a produce of an IR marriage it was an interesting mix at our house. Unfortunely, where I live the Asian population is at a low. In fact, my sib's and I were either in college or out on our own before we had Asian dates.

[John0101]

Does friendship not equals a relationship? The whole IR things seems to be centered around dating while it totally neglects other sorts of relationships (friendship, etc).

Why is it ok for somebody to have friends of a different race, while it is not ok to date them? Where is the line drawn from friendship to intimate partners?

[TB4000]

Does friendship not equals a relationship? The whole IR things seems to be centered around dating while it totally neglects other sorts of relationships (friendship, etc).

Why is it ok for somebody to have friends of a different race, while it is not ok to date them? Where is the line drawn from friendship to intimate partners?
Because intimacy equals sex to some people, and sex leads to children of biracial lineage, and a lot of people have qualms with that.

[Irezumi Kiss]

Why is it ok for somebody to have friends of a different race, while it is not ok to date them? Where is the line drawn from friendship to intimate partners?

Easier to deal with when you don't have to think about sharing bodies with someone. Sex always takes things into another level.

That's why you have many people flirt with each other because it's "safe", but would they REALLY get down to the dirty deed? Probably not.

I have many ladyfriends of various ethnicities that are just that — "friends." Maybe only a few of them I would honestly think about having sex with, but then again, I'm not DEEP deep with them, so there is still a margin for discovery. Plus there's a little chemistry there...

The other friends that I still consider very lovely and attractive as women that I am a little closer to, I know in my heart I couldn't see myself having sex with them, just cuz I love our friendship as it is and plus there's no chemistry.

hmmm...did I answer your question? Sometimes I tend to babble like a brook after a drunk-assed weekend...

[Kuchana]

Because intimacy equals sex to some people, and sex leads to children of biracial lineage, and a lot of people have qualms with that.

But yet I don't understand the reasoning that some people have that it's acceptable to have sex with a person of a different race but when it comes to marriage, it's a big no-no. It's perceived as, "I'm good enough to have sex with you but not good enough to be your spouse." :mad:

[Irezumi Kiss]

But yet I don't understand the reasoning that some people have that it's acceptable to have sex with a person of a different race but when it comes to marriage, it's a big no-no. It's perceived as, "I'm good enough to have sex with you but not good enough to be your spouse." :mad:

Because sex is something that can be easily written off as a main reason. Marriage means (hopefully) that two people are actually serious and that there is something special between them.

A lot of close-minded people out there think that the sex is the only real reason IRers ever get with each other. God FORBID I actually love your for the way you make me feel good about living!

[Mr.Lum]

I always date IR. I like all the colours.

[kimpossible]

But yet I don't understand the reasoning that some people have that it's acceptable to have sex with a person of a different race but when it comes to marriage, it's a big no-no. It's perceived as, "I'm good enough to have sex with you but not good enough to be your spouse." :mad:

Sex is just sex and marriage is a commitment that involves family, culture and future generations. I think it's perfectly fine for people to have those preferences as long as their upfront with their partner. Marriage is such as serious and personal choice, I don't think you can apply the same racial or social standards as you would as if it were applying for a job. Even if it shares some jobhunting processes. :)

[Faithless]

Stanford paper article (http://daily.stanford.edu/tempo?page=content&id=13823&repository=0001_article)
The [racial] dating game
Interracial dating, racial dating hierarchies and all that fun stuff

What accounts for physical and romantic attraction? This has forever been debated and perhaps will never have a clear answer. Of the many possible components of amorous appeal, one that has recently been the focus of interest is that of race. Changing dating habits, with an increasing number of interracial couples, has led to questions of the significance of this aspect of identity.
There is speculation about a racial dating hierarchy. According to Stanford’s “Communicasians” magazine, the percentage of genders of different races who interracially marry indicates that such a ladder would place African-American men at the top, whites in the middle and Asian-Americans at the bottom. The female pecking order would have Asian-American women at the top, whites in the middle and African-Americans below.

Because of the sensitive nature of racial dating preferences, several people commented on deeper underlying meanings than simply physical attraction.

“I think that the reasons for dating preferences are more cultural than racial,” said a freshman who chose to remain anonymous. “For example, if people take pride in their race and they find identity in their ethnic background, they might appreciate someone else who feels the same way or identifies him or herself similarly. Hence, it comes down to more of a cultural difference than a racial preference.”

The concept of culture, opposed to race, being the main attraction to a person is shared by several students.

“I think personal [dating] preferences for the same race arise from the ability to relate to someone,” said freshman Tony Ortega. “It is often easy to relate to someone of one’s own culture because of the social and cultural climate in which one was raised, so one can often share similar values, experiences and likes and dislikes with a person of the same race.

“As for people who have personal preferences for different races, I believe that it is just a desire to try something different,” he continued. “Or, it is just out of arbitrary personal preference, which entails almost all of our likes or dislikes.”

Freshman Mickey Sheu stated that his preference for people of the same race was based on the desire to connect culturally.

“I just don’t relate well enough culturally to non-Asians, and maybe even non-Chinese,” he said.

For those whose races do not define them culturally, favoring one race over another in relationships may not occur.

“I think that I do not have personal racial dating preferences because I do not have a strong sense of ‘racial identity’. Race was never really an issue where I came from,” said freshman Gabe Recchia.

Family pressure can also play a role in who one seeks for a partner.

“I think that one’s family and background will often influence one’s personal preferences, but how big of a role those influences play differs from person to person,” said freshman Jessica Li. “My parents are pretty tolerant of any race when it comes to my dating, but if they were given a choice, they’d pick Asian, preferably Chinese guys, which is understandable.Ultimately, though, it’s my decision, and they respect that.”

According to some, this family pressure can result from the hope to preserve a culture’s identity.

“Some may have a desire to marry within their race in order to continue the purity of that race. I have many Asian friends who feel some pressure to marry within their own race in order to maintain their own culture in America,” said freshman Reid Yokoyama.

Forms of racial dating preferences that include being attracted to members of the same race may result from socially perpetuated stereotypes.

“They could exist as a result of being inundated by images of same race dating in the media,” said freshman Emily Gische.

Other stereotypes affecting preferences include those that assume that every member of a particular race will be of the same culture.

“I think that preferences result partially from stereotypes — certain qualities that people find attractive and associate with certain ethnicities,” said a freshman who chose to remain anonymous. “I think that some people expect certain things in their race and that they will behave in some sort of manner.”

Assumptions such as rigidly sticking to one’s preferences can mislead people about those they think they are attracted to.

“I thought I had racial preferences, but those thoughts were shattered when I met wonderful guys outside of the type to which I was supposedly partial,” said freshman Caroline Hunter.

Others choose not to look at the races of people at all.

“People are individuals and they don’t need to be classified into groups,” said a freshman who chose to remain anonymous. “When I date someone, I look at her as an individual and not as a member of a larger group.”

An issue arising from racial dating preferences is that a gender of one race may be more likely to marry outside of the race than the other gender. For example, more Asian-American women marry outside of their race than Asian-American men. For members of the other gender that prefer to date members of their own race, this can pose a problem.

“Some of my Asian guy friends are a bit frustrated when Caucasians ‘steal their girls,’” said a freshman who chose to remain anonymous.

“If something like that happened to me, I might feel that my market was being intruded upon,” said freshman Caesar Rivera.

Some would be more accepting of these “intrusions.”

“It’s unfair, but so is everything else when it comes to dating; it’s just something else to pile on the heap of reasons why dating life sucks,” said freshman Kevin Hilke.

Explanations for the lack of mixing races in relationships of the past include legal restrictions. While Native Americans and Hispanics have seldom been barred by law from intermarriage, African-Americans and Asians have faced many limitations. Laws against intermarriage between blacks and whites were not declared illegal by the Supreme Court until 1967. Asian-white relations were also restricted, although to a lesser degree. In 1963, five states prohibited marriage between Asians and whites, compared to 16 states banning that of blacks and whites.

While the legal obstacles have been eliminated, interracial dating and dating hierarchies are still topics of debate.

[shy]

interesting article, cottematte. i'd be interested also in readng an article that surveyed another age group. perhaps around my age - the 30-somethings.

just a hunch listening to my friends and those around my age group, these sorts of questions about IR and the reasons behind a person's choice 'to IR or not to IR' probably isn't that important as one gets older.

personally, i think it's because it gets to the point where we just don't care about 'the analysis' anymore. or we are tired of it. or... we realize that there's way more important things in life but we didn't know this back when we were in university and/or soon after graduation because we hadn't yet been exposed to a lot of other life's lessons. and i'm thinking that it's only natural that we all go through 'these stages' so to speak.

[tapestrybabe]

This is kinda suprising, most AAA's I know of (including myself) usually date more IR than do otherwise if not for the lack of options if anything else. As a matter of fact I think since I have never dated a Korean girl and only 2 Asian girls total in my life I guess I have never been in anything but IR relationships.

i dont really have a whole lot of
dating experience underneath my belt...
but i will say this... as an AAA...
i'm dead set on settling down with another asian...
not that settling down is that important to me...
but if i do... it will be with another asian...

and for the longest time...
i had been so focused on just another korean...
but i'm bending...
and i think i'm becoming more flexible...

[Irezumi Kiss]

i dont really have a whole lot of
dating experience underneath my belt...
but i will say this... as an AAA...
i'm dead set on settling down with another asian...
not that settling down is that important to me...
but if i do... it will be with another asian...

and for the longest time...
i had been so focused on just another korean...
but i'm bending...
and i think i'm becoming more flexible...
If it comes to pass that you don't find love with an Asian man, and it happened that someone who was non-Asian was showing you affection, would you be willing to look his way, or would you still "hold out?"

[achtungbaby]

If it comes to pass that you don't find love with an Asian man, and it happened that someone who was non-Asian was showing you affection, would you be willing to look his way, or would you still "hold out?"

A woman might never find love with an Asian man...? And hence be forced to look elsewhere?

I think that presentation is a bit misleading. It certainly might be true for some dark places of the earth, but thankfully, the number of Asians in the United States is increasing and so is the corresponding number of choices. The more the merrier:)

Technology helps too:) YW has (inadvertantly?) been able to bring together some folks who might have never met otherwise.

[SunWuKong]

Technology helps too:) YW has (inadvertantly?) been able to bring together some folks who might have never met otherwise.

inadvertantly? what? you mean YW is not a dating site???

If it comes to pass that you don't find love with an Asian man, and it happened that someone who was non-Asian was showing you affection, would you be willing to look his way, or would you still "hold out?"

so an Asian woman should jump at whatever non-Asian guy who happens to show her affection, regardless of whether or not she's actually attracted to him? has it occured to you that some Asian women are actually not attracted to non-Asian guys?

[achtungbaby]

inadvertantly? what? you mean YW is not a dating site???

Ya know, on the vBulletin hack site I saw someone wrote a hack to allow members to "crush" one another... :eek:

[kimpossible]

Irezumi Kiss> I don't think you're taking tapestrybabe's stated preference in a mate in the context it was meant. Though I'm hesistant to answer on her behalf because the woman can represent herself quite well, it's unfair to turn it solely into a unfair racial bias issue. This isn't a job she's opening up to interviews, she's stating that it's culturally important to her that the man she settles down with to build a life together share an ethnic bond which is most likely founded in the thought of having an unspoken level of life experience, ability to relate.

I'd trust that she has important personal reasons for wanting another Asian as a partner. It mattered to me, even if I'm a 'real' Asian only in my own mind.

[thaite]

I'M RIGHT HERE FOR YA, TAPESTRYBABE!!!

[Irezumi Kiss]

Irezumi Kiss> I don't think you're taking tapestrybabe's stated preference in a mate in the context it was meant. Though I'm hesistant to answer on her behalf because the woman can represent herself quite well, it's unfair to turn it solely into a unfair racial bias issue. This isn't a job she's opening up to interviews, she's stating that it's culturally important to her that the man she settles down with to build a life together share an ethnic bond which is most likely founded in the thought of having an unspoken level of life experience, ability to relate.

I'd trust that she has important personal reasons for wanting another Asian as a partner. It mattered to me, even if I'm a 'real' Asian only in my own mind.
True enough and well understood. I hope I didn't interpret that out of context and Tapestry you have my permission to cane me for any faux pas on my part!

What I had been thinking, though, or I should say I say what I like to believe, that it is possible to meet someone outside of your culture who can appreciate yours as well as appreciate you for you and give you a relationship sustaining love as a whole. It seems as if it'd be a loss not to give that a chance IF that chance came around rather than holding to a self-made ideal that may or may not swing your way just for the sake of racial convenience.

I was only wondering why the "only this and nothing else will do" sentiment...life has a way of throwing some surprising curves when you want to hit fastballs.

However, as Sun Wu pointed out, there is the element of attraction — and nothing is popping off if you aren't attracted to said body in the first place!

[achtungbaby]

...it is possible to meet someone outside of your culture who can appreciate yours as well as appreciate you for you and give you a relationship sustaining love as a whole.

Of course that's possible. I don't think anyone would argue that somehow when you date outside you're own...that that person is inherently incapable or something. But there's also tons of layers that can go into relationships, and the requirement you mentioned is basically the bare minimum in the same way that "respect is just a minimum."

[Ron]

About IR, I've been IR dating most of the time I was living in teenage-adulthood in the Twin Cities. This was mainly because it was much easier to go out with a WF/BF/Latina because so many AFs in the Twin Cities are sellouts.

[rice cracker]

About IR, I've been IR dating most of the time I was living in teenage-adulthood in the Twin Cities. This was mainly because it was much easier to go out with a WF/BF/Latina because so many AFs in the Twin Cities are sellouts.

Hey, I represent that remark :mad: :tongue:

[SunWuKong]

About IR, I've been IR dating most of the time I was living in teenage-adulthood in the Twin Cities. This was mainly because it was much easier to go out with a WF/BF/Latina because so many AFs in the Twin Cities are sellouts.

oh? i thought all the Cambos and Hmongs only (or at least mostly) go with their own?

[yoMAMA]

oh? i thought all the Cambos and Hmongs only (or at least mostly) go with their own?

the hmong are very close knit, and mostly date their own....but i do know a hmong women dating a jewish guy.

She was my boss :biggrin:

[rice cracker]

the hmong are very close knit, and mostly date their own....but i do know a hmong women dating a jewish guy.

She was my boss :biggrin:

Shhh...don't let you know who hear you.

[yoMAMA]

Shhh...don't let you know who hear you.

you mean......howard stern?

:wink:

[mr. x]

^---speaking of which, have any of u ever worked with an AF who was dating out and found it awkward? i ask cuz these days i feel weird even being in the same room with an IR couple but thats just me really. its just this whole "i know u know i know" feeling if u know what i mean

[chaoticharmony]

^---speaking of which, have any of u ever worked with an AF who was dating out and found it awkward? i ask cuz these days i feel weird even being in the same room with an IR couple but thats just me really. its just this whole "i know u know i know" feeling if u know what i mean

What do you mean by "i know u know i know?"

[younggiftedandblack]

^---speaking of which, have any of u ever worked with an AF who was dating out and found it awkward? i ask cuz these days i feel weird even being in the same room with an IR couple but thats just me really. its just this whole "i know u know i know" feeling if u know what i mean

What are you talking about X?

[Ron]

Actually, to clarify, I must've assumed that many Twin Cities AFs were sellouts because I lived in a suburb that was only 4% Asian, most of them not Hmong or Cambo. I guess a lot of the Asians there would've felt White.

I was interested to see how Asians are much more closely banded together in LA/parts of NYC.

[sageb1]

I've had three IR relationships.

What I learned from them is never tell me folks about such relationships.

It had led me to evolve emotionally from the girlfriend-boyfriend relationship to something more platonic due to the emotional stress of beiing in love with love.

My first relationship strained my relationship with my parents, and helped confirm the role of my parents in shaping my early life to the point where it appeared that they can't let go of me. My parents were against it, because it was also a costly long distance relationship. Having said that, I don't regret any of the good moments had with my first girlfriend because reflection on it has helped me mature as a person. The end of relationship has helped me to see my own relationship with my parents in a new light. So after two years of harrassment regarding the failed relationship i moved out on my own. And after moving into the second place I lived, I stopped calling my ex-girlfriend.

My second relationship didn't last more than two visits. She was a divorcee with two kids, but wanted to keep our relationship separate from her kids, for her peace of mind. One day I IM'd her and discovered her talented daughter was using her mom's account. After making the inappropriate move of teasing the daughter about her father, the lady told me off for upsetting her daughter, and severed the relationship. Caveat: there is a good reason women keep their love life separate from their children.

The third relationship lasted a year of living together and resulted in getting a lot of furniture and cutlery. So it's probably the best out of the three, so far. She cheated on me three times, and ended up with #3. But it had led her to emotionally commit to her boyfriend. She's even gone on to get upgrading from her Grade 8 education to the point where she's confident in taking the GED.

This relationship led me to severe ties with my family for our emotional wellbeing. Those ties were reluctantly renewed over the months after my ex left me.

An occasional review of my mistakes and my successes when I was with them helps me to discover what lies at the root of a successful relationship in the future.

The only recurring theme i have is the ability to forgive and forget about what my recent ex-girlfriend had done. That's because our love for each other was not lost because of what she or I did.

And I am confident that my first ex has probably forgiven me but not forgotten me just as I am sure that my second love interest has forgotten all about me.

[Napoleon Chynamite]

What do you mean by "i know u know i know?"

I think it's like him looking at the girl of the interracial couple and being like "I know that you know that I know that you are a sellout" or sumthin along those lines, haha. Not saying that everyone who dates out of their ethnic or racial group is a sellout of course (inserts shameless diplomatic plug), just trying to interpret Mr. X's words. ^^

[deez nuts]

^---speaking of which, have any of u ever worked with an AF who was dating out and found it awkward? i ask cuz these days i feel weird even being in the same room with an IR couple but thats just me really. its just this whole "i know u know i know" feeling if u know what i mean

you should overcome your insecurities and awkwardness and show her the true meaning of "x is gonna give it to you!"

[kimpossible]

^---speaking of which, have any of u ever worked with an AF who was dating out and found it awkward? i ask cuz these days i feel weird even being in the same room with an IR couple but thats just me really. its just this whole "i know u know i know" feeling if u know what i mean


Not at all but perhaps I'm not the best representative opinion. To me that's my mom and dad. 'Mismatching' couples are my norm.

[BigLew]

I've been in almost nothing but IR relationships so it usually doesn't bother me a bit, but I give huge rations of shit to those exlusive racial daters expecially if they exlude all members of thier own race.

[kimpossible]

Also depends on if they leave me alone or want to bond. We know a few mixed couples in real life and it's never weird when we get together because we're friends, no one concentrates on race. But if it's a case where it's someone I don't know and they're either staring at us or accosting us with racial observations first and foremost on their mind (like, you guys are just like us! we're like you! let's talk!) it becomes uncomfortable and I leave the area/situation if I can.

[Kuchana]

^---speaking of which, have any of u ever worked with an AF who was dating out and found it awkward? i ask cuz these days i feel weird even being in the same room with an IR couple but thats just me really. its just this whole "i know u know i know" feeling if u know what i mean

yeah but what if they weren't selling out?

[kimpossible]

yeah but what if they weren't selling out?

Don't take x too seriously about this. He festered in longterm silence because he thought I was married to a white guy who he dreamed of one day facing down. Cute and kind of funny when you consider he would have been facing down a Taiwanese guy his senior by about 10 years.

[SunWuKong]

Actually, to clarify, I must've assumed that many Twin Cities AFs were sellouts because I lived in a suburb that was only 4% Asian, most of them not Hmong or Cambo. I guess a lot of the Asians there would've felt White.

I was interested to see how Asians are much more closely banded together in LA/parts of NYC.

plus, there are a lot of transracial adoptees in the Twin Cities area, so many of them could be adoptees and possibly identify with white people even more.

[BigLew]

plus, there are a lot of transracial adoptees in the Twin Cities area, so many of them could be adoptees and possibly identify with white people even more.I wouldn't say identify more than I'd say more accustomed to being around.