View Full Version : Friends with benefits?
08-02-2002, 12:33 PM
So I've relatively recently found myself a single adult for the first time (ok, I guess it's been a while now - which I guess is why I'm wondering about this :P ). I was listening to that DMB song "Say Goodbye," when I got to thinking about how and if single people (for those who opt not to do the one-night stand thing) "go without."
I personally don't think I could detach enough to maintain a fuck friend, much less do the one-night stand thing. And I don't want to. The emotion's kind of a big part of it (though not the only ;) for me. A good friend of mine has actually gotten so good at it (it being detaching - if you call it good) that she appears to be able take the one-night stand for exactly what it is and to leave it at that. Actually, I know that's not for me. But for everyone else, I'm curious.
Would anyone like to share his or her experiences with friends with benefits? What's your opinion? Could you do it? Does it work? Does it not? I'd imagine that at the very least it'd change things a bit.
08-02-2002, 12:38 PM
i can detach myself easily. i haven't been in a situation where i develop feelings and the girl didn't. but i start to feel like an asshole when it's obvious that the other person is starting to develop feelings. and even when they say that they don't have any feelings in it, you can sense that it's not entirely true. people lie to themselves all the time. i don't really want to hurt people like that anymore, so i don't do that anymore.
08-02-2002, 12:46 PM
I can detach myself. That doesn't mean I would want a girl to leave immediately after the deed or something, but I guess I've just gotten too old and cynical (or impatient and lazy) to think that everytime has to be a "special" time.
08-02-2002, 04:24 PM
[color=red:8b7114f024]So does it work, or no?
08-02-2002, 04:26 PM
I say, you just do not know until you try.. in the beginning, i thought i would get emotionally attached but.. i really looked at him,... he would make a terible BF but he is HELLA hot... hmmz... he wants me only for one thing... and I am rebounding.. so wat the hey... i did it.. i was soo much fun.... i have no regrets.. a person should never regret what he/she is doing....
08-02-2002, 06:42 PM
I don't think it'll work, i just think that it'll cause nothing but more problems...
08-02-2002, 06:44 PM
[quote:44c012b8b4="Krissy"][color=red:44c012b8b4]So does it work, or no?
you have to be pretty mature. and if it's a regular thing with the same person, you have to know when to stop - whether to stop yourself from having feelings or to stop yourself from hurting your friend.
08-02-2002, 06:58 PM
[quote:90211d9fd8="Krissy"][color=red:90211d9fd8]So does it work, or no?
I think one night stands work. One night stands... there is no committment, no strings attached. No emotions involved. You just do your business... and go on your merry way after the deed is done.. or the next morning. And I'm not encouraging one night stands.. but from personal experiences.. its been easy for me to detach myself from the ppl i've been with, knowing that I didn't have any plans on associating with them again.
However, I think it would be more difficult for me to detach myself.. if I did it with a friend. Cuz if they are really my good friend.. of course I would have feelings for them, care for them as a person... And breaking that platonic friendship thru sex.. would just change everything. I know, I couldn't just have sex with a friend just for sex sake... just like with my one night stands.. and not have it mean something more important...
08-02-2002, 07:08 PM
if it works for some people i dont look down on them, cuz whatever floats ur boat, yknow? i personally cant imagine myself doing that. my emotions would still somehow get twisted up in it all
08-03-2002, 09:05 AM
In my experience the best sex came from "fuck friends" , "bed buddies" or whatever you wanna call it. But you have to be mentally and emotionally prepared. And don't get attached. it works, if both parties remain emotionally unattached, but when things go wrong shit really hits the fan.
But in general, I am down with the friends with benefits program and it never gone awry on me, I was fortunate. I know it got messy for some friends;I mean real messy. Like one guy had to change all his numbers and move, cuz the ex he was doing this with, got all possessive and shit.
My suggestion is follow your instinct, if you feel it's not for you, don't do it. I personally like it because it's no committment and no strings attached, sometimes you don't have time for a full blown relationship or the sex was too good, but the realtionship itself sucked. Both parties just have to make it clear from the get-go and be mature about it, and know when to let go.
08-03-2002, 09:49 AM
So define friendship here?? A 'friend' in whom you just fuck on the side?? You know, someone in whom you can regularly have sex with just for sex sake with no attachment and association beyond that?? Cuz the way I view friendship... it consists of loyality and actually caring for the other person... I don't see how one can view that friend as just a fuck friend... Cuz i feel if your really good friends with someone... there's emotions already involved... far way before the sex...
I dunno.. when it comes my friendship... i dont see myself ever using those ppl in that way...
08-03-2002, 09:50 AM
[quote:d7ef70577b="Krissy"][color=red:d7ef70577b]So does it work, or no?[/color:d7ef70577b][/quote:d7ef70577b]
With the right mentality, sure, it can.
08-03-2002, 10:05 AM
[quote:7d722a9a39="Tapestrybabe"]So define friendship here?? A 'friend' in whom you just fuck on the side?? You know, someone in whom you can regularly have sex with just for sex sake with no attachment and association beyond that?? Cuz the way I view friendship... it consists of loyality and actually caring for the other person... I don't see how one can view that friend as just a fuck friend... Cuz i feel if your really good friends with someone... there's emotions already involved... far way before the sex...
I dunno.. when it comes my friendship... i dont see myself ever using those ppl in that way...[/quote:7d722a9a39]
I agree with ya Tapestrybabe. I don't get involved with friends. All my fuck friend relationships were with ex-gf's. I respect and have loyalty with my female friends, but it's not always the case with ex-gf's. And sometime's that piece of ass is too good to pass up or too hard to let go off, after a break up.
08-03-2002, 05:06 PM
>> ack...i find that with one night stands/friends with benefits comes a lot of consequences...but maybe thats just the high school scene where everyone HAS to know about the ongoings of every persons' life...mainly their sex/love life. nosy nosy nosy. but personally i didnt find one-night stands to be very fulfilling and it was a little hard not to get too wrapped up in emotions and whatnot.
>> i had a friends with benefits who was a pretty good friend of mine. we hung out a lot and did a lot together. i guess one night we gave into some primal urges and had a go at it...it didnt get weird after that and we did it again a few other times and we're still good friends now. really lived up to the [b:bcb3589f2d]friends[/b:bcb3589f2d] with benefits title.
08-04-2002, 03:06 AM
i want a friend with benefits.
all my chick friends are ugly tho. =(
08-04-2002, 06:20 AM
[quote:4ffc262d8a="mrazntre"]i want a friend with benefits.
all my chick friends are ugly tho. =([/quote:4ffc262d8a]
are they fat too? because hey, when the lights are off.......
08-04-2002, 02:24 PM
i don't even think darkness can cut thru the ugly.
08-04-2002, 03:09 PM
that's got to be pretty damn ugly
08-04-2002, 03:16 PM
Perhaps turn off the light + alcohol. As a last resort?
Sometimes alcohol makes the most busted looking women look like Z.Z.Y.
Or maybe sometimes you just gotta suck it up and say what the hell, it's here, it's available and I'm mad horny.
08-05-2002, 01:03 AM
This might sound really insensitive... I'm not saying it because I really buy into it, it's just something that helps me out when I'm starting to stress over a situation that was created in order to make sure i DONT stress.
I try to look at an act of sex between two people who do NOT want or have a relationship with one another as nothing more than two body parts coming into contact. Not any different than ... sticking your finger in somebody's ear (less annoying, maybe.) ... I know that sex is a big deal, but it's only a big deal if you have feelings for the person you're doing it with.
Ok, that usually works to get my mind on the right track.
I am currently in a friends with benefits situation. It's perfect... I've got it made. I'm getting my needs met as many times a week as I want, I get phone calls from the guy all the time because we maintain a friendship, he pays for me when we go out, but I don't have to deal with any of the excess baggage or stress of a relationship. I don't have to worry about "why didn't you call me back?!?" or "are you cheating on me?!??" or "where is this relationship headed???" Damn, I've really got it made.
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