overly friendly male clients at work

[sandra]

so we've had a thread about clients/customers that we've come across that were outright sleazy - not looking us in the eyes, making overtly suggestive remarks, etc.

but what if the client or customer is a nice guy? what if his remarks are limited to saying the following:

me: so i'll be calling you tomorrow to let you know (blah blah).
him: you can call me for other reasons too, you know. like lunch. we still haven't had lunch yet.

me: you have to be at the courthouse at 8:00 sharp.
him: ooh, ooh. are you going to be there?


stuff along those lines. and it gets excessive when it's in every single conversation. i just think it's annoying, and it makes me feel uncomfortable. i don't like calling people out, though, and always want to run my feelings by other girls first to make sure i'm not overreacting.

btw, i'm positive this guy doesn't actually want me to have lunch with him. he's much older and is married. he's teasing me, and i feel that it's most likely b/c i'm a young girl. sometimes i wonder how often young male lawyers on the job have to put up with the same sh*t. my feeling is - not so often.

[TTChino]

so we've had a thread about clients/customers that we've come across that were outright sleazy - not looking us in the eyes, making overtly suggestive remarks, etc.

but what if the client or customer is a nice guy? what if his remarks are limited to saying the following:

me: so i'll be calling you tomorrow to let you know (blah blah).
him: you can call me for other reasons too, you know. like lunch. we still haven't had lunch yet.

me: you have to be at the courthouse at 8:00 sharp.
him: ooh, ooh. are you going to be there?


stuff along those lines. and it gets excessive when it's in every single conversation. i just think it's annoying, and it makes me feel uncomfortable. i don't like calling people out, though, and always want to run my feelings by other girls first to make sure i'm not overreacting.

btw, i'm positive this guy doesn't actually want me to have lunch with him. he's much older and is married. he's teasing me, and i feel that it's most likely b/c i'm a young girl. sometimes i wonder how often young male lawyers on the job have to put up with the same sh*t. my feeling is - not so often.



Heh, I see it happen to women alot, I always wondered how it made them feel, getting all that attention from men just because they have tits and ass. It's pathetic watching the few good looking women in the office and how many guys say those types of things. Heh I always attributed it to lonely IT men. I mean.....it's not like theres ever gonna be a calendar....the women of IT..heh

[>:^|]

I think it's a form of patronage. But I believe you can call people on it without being unpleasant.

[kitty]

sounds like a guy trying to live vicariously through flirtation but doesn't have the balls to back it up. harmless, but true, it only happens to young girls. It implies almost a lack of respect of your competency as a professional -- it's patronizing in a way for him to think that he can flirt with you and it be okay.

I dunno if there's much you can do. You don't want to lose him as a client. Maybe if it becomes a recurring situation, talk to a friendly supervisor and get advice, but don't just back out of it... see if maybe there's any way for you to have someone else present when you have to talk with him so he'll feel less inclined to go all out with the flirting.

[kboy75]

yeah, that situation sucks... it's bordering on harrassment, but since you haven't really said anything, i can't say that it is quite yet.

unfortunately, i hear a lot of those stories from my female lawyer and paralegal friends. i dunno what it is, but lawyers can especially be really cocky and arrogant (esp if it is at some hot firm), so maybe that contributes to their brazen advances.

[Proud_Jook_Sing]

FYI, Europeans tend to do more "harmless" flirting than Americans. It's a cultural thing, they tend to stare and smile alot more and it is not necessarily a come on. Too bad in America it's always considered a come on.

You can always do the TAB routine and never smile back or acknowledge their flirts. Works even if you're not Asian ;)

[teaz0r]

it bothers me when unattractive people do it.

[Hiroshi2]

Hey that kinda sounds like what happened to Reese Witherspoon in that movie Legally Blonde. Except you're not blonde, of course.

[Proud_Jook_Sing]

it bothers me when unattractive people do it.
Unattractive people need to give it a shot too. Though they better come up with better lines ;)

[mr. x]

kasia if u are really bothered, shoot him that "you have got to be fucking kidding me" look

[nonamerasian]

FYI, Europeans tend to do more "harmless" flirting than Americans. It's a cultural thing, they tend to stare and smile alot more and it is not necessarily a come on. Too bad in America it's always considered a come on.

People from a lot of countries seem to do more "harmless" flirting than Americans. Not only when it comes to gazing and smiling, but also saying piropos.

[mr. x]

^--yah no kidding, like people from "low context" cultures like to hug people and stuff (see that one commercial with "Pablo" the exchange student and the home entertainment system)

[Proud_Jook_Sing]

People from a lot of countries seem to do more "harmless" flirting than Americans. Not only when it comes to gazing and smiling, but also saying piropos.
Piropos?

[nonamerasian]

Piropos?

Phrases like. . .

-You're beef and I'm gravy. Let's find a plate.
-You're early. Stars should only be out at night.

[Cipherous]

so we've had a thread about clients/customers that we've come across that were outright sleazy - not looking us in the eyes, making overtly suggestive remarks, etc.

but what if the client or customer is a nice guy? what if his remarks are limited to saying the following:

me: so i'll be calling you tomorrow to let you know (blah blah).
him: you can call me for other reasons too, you know. like lunch. we still haven't had lunch yet.

me: you have to be at the courthouse at 8:00 sharp.
him: ooh, ooh. are you going to be there?


stuff along those lines. and it gets excessive when it's in every single conversation. i just think it's annoying, and it makes me feel uncomfortable. i don't like calling people out, though, and always want to run my feelings by other girls first to make sure i'm not overreacting.

btw, i'm positive this guy doesn't actually want me to have lunch with him. he's much older and is married. he's teasing me, and i feel that it's most likely b/c i'm a young girl. sometimes i wonder how often young male lawyers on the job have to put up with the same sh*t. my feeling is - not so often.

whoa, you're a lawyer.

can you buy me a M3?

[sandra]

whoa, you're a lawyer.

can you buy me a M3?

not a lawyer. only a law school graduate. unlicensed. poor. no real job.


anyhow, i can't really be mean as some of you suggested. not really b/c i care to *keep* the client (it's public interest work i do - they don't have to pay). it's more that ppl who do this are usually nice & *friendly*. it's hard to be outright rude back. or is it?


i'm sure this happens to other women in the working world. or am i just making an overly broad assumption?

like someone said - when it's excessive, it seems like they undermine your professionalism, are treating you like a kid, etc. etc. that's the part that irks me.