Being gay, how did you become gay?

[Cipherous]

I am curious,

was it an external influence (trama with the opposite sex, friends, media, etc) or was it just natural (you just happened to like the same sex when you started to go through puberty)?

[Chris]

For me it was natural. I was brought up in a traditional Chinese household with gay hating parents. I can't say I would ever choose this lifestyle. I alway pose this question to people. "Knowing that gay people is usually shun in society and have a negative protrayal, Would you choose that life for yourself?"

[SunWuKong]

I am curious,

was it an external influence (trama with the opposite sex, friends, media, etc) or was it just natural (you just happened to like the same sex when you started to go through puberty)?


i don't think people become gay.

or maybe the gay members around here can correct me if i'm wrong.

[Emperor_Mike]

I am of the opinion that it's strictly genetic, which may account for the fact that homosexuality is widespread regardless of race or culture. Personally I don't subscribe to the notion that homosexuality is "adopted" in any shape or form, contrary to what fundamentlist Christians believe. I am also equally positive that many extremist Christian sects have within their ranks many individuals who are either gay or lesbians. It's all genetics, I say.

[cmar]

For gay people it is not a matter of choosing, it is something that you discover. We don't choose to be gay anymore that a straight person chooses to be straight. It is just something that you are.

[YuheiCarreau]

There should be a thread called "when did you discover you were straight?"... 'Cause for me at least, the first five or six years of my life I was pretty asexual and had no romantic feelings towards girls at all.

[SunWuKong]

There should be a thread called "when did you discover you were straight?"... 'Cause for me at least, the first five or six years of my life I was pretty asexual and had no romantic feelings towards girls at all.


i'm pretty sure i got my first boner when i was 4 or 5. i remember watching this commercial and i kept thinking that the lady in it was really pretty. and i remember thinking that my dick felt really weird in that it was hard.

[cmar]

i'm pretty sure i got my first boner when i was 4 or 5. i remember watching this commercial and i kept thinking that the lady in it was really pretty. and i remember thinking that my dick felt really weird in that it was hard.

Exactly. I, too, can recall childhood situations that I now recognize meant that I was having gay feelings. I don't recall getting boners at 4 or 5 (what a stud) but curious, exciting stimulations at visual images of men.

Our sexuality is something we are born with. Not something we have to make a decision about at some point in life.

[Faithless]

For gay people it is not a matter of choosing, it is something that you discover. We don't choose to be gay anymore that a straight person chooses to be straight. It is just something that you are.

So, what about the guy who discovers, after years of marriage and having kids who are in their teens, that he is really gay, and so he leaves his wife, and takes a gay partner?

How's that for a abrupt discovery?

[etcj]

Become gay? I don't think that's the right term either. Contrary to Chris' experience, it was more or less a neutral topic in my family. There really was no positive nor negative things said about being gay, so I guess that didn't make me feel bad about growing up as a gay boy. I think there were more negative stuff than positive in school about being gay, so it's a bit of relief to know that home life is more accepting.

[Emperor_Mike]

So, what about the guy who discovers, after years of marriage and having kids who are in their teens, that he is really gay, and so he leaves his wife, and takes a gay partner?

How's that for a abrupt discovery?


I believe genetic dispositions had already determined his preferance long before the (hypothetical?) individual in question exchanged vows with his wife. "Living a lie" is the term to use, yes? Indeed.

[ChinaLama]

i don't know if i'll be flamed for this, but if homosexuality is strictly genetic, shouldn't it have died out? i mean gay people don't reproduce too often so how are their genes being spread? Or is it a recessive gene?

[SunWuKong]

i don't know if i'll be flamed for this, but if homosexuality is strictly genetic, shouldn't it have died out? i mean gay people don't reproduce too often so how are their genes being spread? Or is it a recessive gene?


that's assuming that all homosexual people did not sexually reproduce, where the implication is that they all realised that they were homosexual, and thus did not have partners of the opposite sex.

and with the advent of modern technology, homosexual people can reproduce without sexual intercourse with the opposite sex.

[frcegrl]

So, what about the guy who discovers, after years of marriage and having kids who are in their teens, that he is really gay, and so he leaves his wife, and takes a gay partner?

How's that for a abrupt discovery?


that's not really "discovery"...it's finally coming to accept what is undeniable.

[Mark Alias]

I don't know, I just woke up one morning and I decided to be gay.

I think it's the same thing when one day I thought colgate is not doing it's job so I decided I should switch to aquafresh instead. Yeah something like that.










Ok, I'll roll my eyes now.

[cynical2afault]

Heterosexuals are breeding homosexuals. Period. It's a not a defect that will eventually die out, it's an orientation for a minority of the population. It always has been and I believe, always will be.

Previous cultures (Greek, Roman, Native American, etc.) haven't had a problem with this, it's just an unfortunate condition of many of our modern societies. The fact that you can see homosexuality in ancient cultures and today in the animal kingdom (primates, birds, yada yada) should be proof enough that this isn't a 1) voluntary choice/sin that needs to be corrected, 2) a defective genetic trait that will eventually disappear.

As to what purpose we serve, only mother nature knows.

- cynic (newbie)
Infinite diversity in infinite combinations



i don't know if i'll be flamed for this, but if homosexuality is strictly genetic, shouldn't it have died out? i mean gay people don't reproduce too often so how are their genes being spread? Or is it a recessive gene?

[hapakristina]

many have elluded to this, but the title of the thread "how did you become gay?" is a bit.. incorrect and i can see how some members were offended with such a title. the word become as if it was something they worked towards. like how guys get buff.. they become buff. how you gain intelligence through education, you become educated. it's not a class gays took or something they had to work towards. they just are.

i think the question would have been better worded, "how did you realize that you were gay?" in a society that stresses heterosexual relationships, everyone is really raised heterosexual and with that image of what is "acceptable" and deemed "right" in society. the only thing i wanted to say is that this is the first forum where i've seen a multitude of gay asian/hapa men and it's awesome to me. i've always thought that the reason why asian males probably make up the lower end of the gay community is because of harsh judgment and strict opposition against it from asian parents. to see that some have decided.. "who cares, i'm going to be who i am despite how much my parents may not approve of it. this is who i am." that's awesome! props to all of you for being who you are despite a lot of the cultural pressures not to be! :happy:

[kimpossible]

So, what about the guy who discovers, after years of marriage and having kids who are in their teens, that he is really gay, and so he leaves his wife, and takes a gay partner?

How's that for a abrupt discovery?

Most likely on some level the man knows but cannot deal with the social ramifications of acknowledging his sexuality. There is pressure for the ideal suburban white picket fence life; wife, kids, fulfilling the parents' wishes for family. There's the idea of that marrying a woman and forcing one's self to live straight will make them straight. At some point the charade can't be kept up any longer. I think it happens to women also, not just men.

I do really feel for the straight partner, he or she was honest from the get go and expected honesty from his or her partner but you have to remember that some people coming out in their later years grew up in a different generation that might not have been as tolerant as today. I'm sure there's a good number of people that stuck it out for the sake of their family, stifling their sexuality and personal freedom their entire lives in sacrifice. You just don't hear about these people.

[kboy75]

i do believe that gays are born that way. but i also believe that there ARE some people out there that choose that lifestyle due to various complicated reasons (past abuse, the fad of it all, etc).

Here's a good editorial from the NY Times. I wish he went more in-depth, but oh well...
NY Times Link (http://www.nytimes.com/2003/10/25/opinion/25KRIS.html)

October 25, 2003
Gay at Birth?
By NICHOLAS D. KRISTOF

Some people say we should settle gay rights disputes on the basis of the Old Testament. I say we should rely on blinking patterns.

In case you've misplaced your latest copy of Behavioral Neuroscience, there's a fascinating article about how people blink. It turns out that when males and females are exposed to a loud noise, they blink in somewhat different ways — except that lesbians appear to blink like men, not like women.

The study (peer-reviewed but based on a small sample) is the latest in a growing scientific literature suggesting that sexual preferences may be not simply a matter of personal preference but part of our ingrained biology. Indeed, some geneticists believe that sexual orientation in men (though not women) may be determined in part by markers in the Xq28 chromosomal region.

One needs to be wary of these kinds of studies, partly because researchers drawn toward this field may have subconscious biases of their own. Moreover, many of the studies on the biological basis of homosexuality are flawed by small numbers or by the difficulty of finding valid random samples of gays and heterosexuals.

Still, while the data has problems, it is piling up — there are at least seven studies on twins. If there is a genetic component to homosexuality, one would expect identical twins to share sexual orientation more than fraternal twins, and that is indeed the case. An identical twin of a gay person is about twice as likely to be gay as a fraternal twin would be.

Earlier this year, the journal Personality and Individual Differences published an exhaustive review of the literature entitled "Born Gay?" After reviewing the twin studies, it concluded that 50 to 60 percent of sexual orientation might be genetic.

Many studies also suggest that sexual orientation may be linked to differences in brain anatomy. Compared with straight men, gay men appear to have a larger suprachiasmatic nucleus, a part of the brain that affects behavior, and some studies show most gay men have a larger isthmus of the corpus callosum — which may also be true of left-handed people. And that's intriguing because gays are 39 percent more likely to be left-handed than straight people.

Now look at your fingers. Men typically have a ring finger that is longer than the index finger, while in women the two are about the same length. However, two studies have suggested that lesbians have finger-length ratios that are more like those of men than of women.

Studies suggest that ring-finger length has to do with the level of androgens in the womb, and that may help explain another puzzle of homosexuality: a male is more likely to be gay if he has older brothers. It doesn't matter if he has older sisters, but for each older brother he is about 33 percent more likely to be gay. Some scientists speculate that a woman's body adjusts the androgen level in her womb as she has more sons, and that the androgens interact with genes to produce homosexuality.

O.K., these theories are potentially junk science until the studies are replicated with much larger numbers. But we also shouldn't ignore the accumulating evidence.

"There is now very strong evidence from almost two decades of `biobehavioral' research that human sexual orientation is predominantly biologically determined," said Qazi Rahman, the University of London researcher who led the blinking study. Many others don't go that far, but accept that there is probably some biological component.

Gays themselves are divided. Some welcome these studies because they confirm their own feeling that sexual orientation is more than a whim. Others fret that the implication is that homosexuals are abnormal or defective — and that future genetic screening will eliminate people like them.

For me the implication, if these studies are to believed, is different: It is that something is defective not in gays, but in discrimination against them.

A basic principle of our social covenant is that we do not discriminate against people on the basis of circumstances that they cannot choose, like race, sex and disability. If sexual orientation belongs on that list (with the caveat that the evidence is still murky), then should we still prohibit gay marriage and bar gays from serving openly in the armed forces?

Can we countenance discrimination against people for something so basic as how they blink — or whom they love?

[angel nympho]

I am of the opinion that it's strictly genetic, which may account for the fact that homosexuality is widespread regardless of race or culture. Personally I don't subscribe to the notion that homosexuality is "adopted" in any shape or form, contrary to what fundamentlist Christians believe. I am also equally positive that many extremist Christian sects have within their ranks many individuals who are either gay or lesbians. It's all genetics, I say.


I don't think homosexuality is something you "adopt" or become either... but I don't think it's genetic. You don't see homosexuality being passed along down family lines. I think it's just a simple matter of preference.

[angel nympho]

i don't know if i'll be flamed for this, but if homosexuality is strictly genetic, shouldn't it have died out? i mean gay people don't reproduce too often so how are their genes being spread? Or is it a recessive gene?


There's a difference between homosexual inclinations and homosexual behaviors. Just because one has a certain preference doesn't mean he will absolutely refuse to spread genes.