Passing of a Loved One

[kasia]

i know a few YW members have lost loved ones just this past year...i won't name names, but there has been more than a couple.

it's a sensitive subject - but for those who are up to it - how did you cope?

a lot of people don't like to talk about deaths and such...but for me, talking actually helped in the healing process when my grandfather passed away. another thing that helped was the numerous cards we received from family members and friends - sharing stories they had about my grandfather. definitely helped to read those and to learn about how he touched the lives of others.

[artsfartsyjanet]

I am still coping with my grandmother's loss. My family is, but they along with my friends have been very supportive of each other. It's all that we can do. It's a reality check of how short and fragile life can be. My grandfather has struggled a bit-- some insomnia and weight loss, which are signs of mild depression. He eats well, exercises regularly, and continues to have a thirst for new places to go and things to see. Lately, he's sleeping better by drinking warm milk at night, but I'm trying to fade that from his routine so that he doesn't depend on it so much. His blood pressure is normal, and he still laughs a lot. Today, he, my brother, and I visited the Science Center b/c my grandfather was interested in going since he hasn't seen in it in his life. It's a wonderful sign that he's interested in doing new things. Plus, it gets his mind off the negativity from the loss too. My family and I think of how our grandmother has touched our lives too-- the things she cooked, the paths she's walked, the conversations we've had, etc.... As for me, I've cried on many occassions thinking about so many things-- our mortality, my grandfather's well being, my parents aren't getting any younger either.... It causes a lot of anxiety, but I suggest that a good way to cope is to take a break or exercise. I'd do the opposite of any negativity I'm feeling. It's a proactive step to cope though I understand that it's easier said than done. On one of the nights my grandmother was in the hospital after suffering a massive stroke, my boyfriend and I went to grab a quick bite at a local restaurant. There, I couldn't help but notice the song playing. It was a familiar song I sorely needed called I'll Stand By You by the Pretenders.

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now.
Don't be ashamed to cry,
let me see you through
Cause I've seen the dark side too.
When the night falls on you,
you don't know what to do,
Nothing you confess
could make me love you less
I'll stand by you,
I'll stand by you,
won't let nobody hurt you,
I'll stand by you.
So, if you're mad get mad,
don't hold it all inside,
Come on and talk to me now.
And hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
But I'm alot like you.
When you're standing at the crossroads,
don't know which path to choose,
Let me come along,
cause even if your wrong
I'll stand by you,
I'll stand by you,
won't let nobody hurt you,
I'll stand by you.
Take me into your darkest hour,
and I'll never desert you.
I'll stand by you.
And when, when the night falls on you baby,
you're feeling all alone,
You won't be on your own,
I'll stand by you.
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you,
won't let nobody hurt you.
I'll stand by you
Take me in into your darkest hour
and I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you.

-----------------------------------------------
Paraphrasing from Desiderata,
"Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline be gentle to yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars and you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy. "

[Emperor_Mike]

The loss of a loved one is always a tragic thing. My grandfather passed away on my 19th birthday in 1999 and it was a terrible ordeal. But the family stuck close and saw each other through difficult times. Death is a sad phase that's part of life and for all we know, it may only be the beginning.

[kitty]

Pretty hard... I lost my grandma a few months ago....it's very difficult because I didn't know her very well but I was so stressed out with graduation that it literally didn't hit me until a few weeks later when I was in the middle of a hugely emotional moment and I just broke down and sobbed because of the loss... It didn't occur to me that I wouldn't be able to truly get to know her again until then...

[tapestrybabe]

i'm not good with crying...
at least not in public... and around others...
but yeah, i took it the hardest when my grandfather died a few years ago...

not that i was really particularly close to him...
but he was the very first person in whom i experienced and witnessed the dying process... yeah, it wasnt as if i got a phone call saying he had passed away... but i got a phone call saying he was actually DYING instead...

that whole experience became really memorable... cuz my uncle from oregon, my brother who was living in boston at the time... immediatly traveled to NJ to just be with him... and the rest of my family... we all just took off our jobs early that day to see him also...

and i would say that i would consider my grandfather lucky... cuz before he had died my whole family was in his presence... around his bed side-- it was the month of feb... and we celebrated his birthday and valentines day with him.... yeah, the dying process took a few days... and it was kinda an amazing experience actually witnessing his very last breath... an image i will never forget...

i bursted out crying at his funeral- it was the first funeral i ever attended... and i just couldnt help but cry... it was the type of crying that i couldnt hold back... but it just came out of me...

i've had additional grandparents die after him... sometime last year... and for some reason... i never actually cried and mourned over them... like nothing, no tears at their funerals... i suppose maybe... death of a loved one became a familiar experience... it wasnt so new as my first experience i went thru... but i suppose my grief came out in different ways... like one time after my grandmothers funeral... i had gotten a bad case of hives... my brother telling me... yeah, thats what you get for not crying and expressing your feelings at funerals... it comes out in a physical form...

i suppose my brother is right... but whateverz... when it comes to funerals, death, and dealing with the loss of a loved one in general... its just a tough experience all around...

[sk1ttlez]

yeah i've had people in my family that have passed away. like close relatives that have been there all my life. i don't think i really excepted it. i just made myself believe that they were on 'vacation' and that they'll be back one day. erk

[Faithless]

It's tough to take even when you realize that you can't avoid death. :frown: