Gay Asians' partners?

[Shuriken]

Here is an issue that I've been wondering about:

I've heard that gay Asian American men never — or hardly ever — have Asian partners, and that most have white partners. Is this true? (The few gay Asian men I know are all in interracial relationships. But I don't know them well enough to feel comfortable talking to them about this subject.) And if so, what is anyone to conclude from such a fact? Does this cast added light on the issue of heterosexual interracial relationships?

I hope that this topic isn't too sensitive. I'm not trying to stir up a hornets' nest or make anyone angry. But if true, this seems like an intriguing factoid. Why don't more gay Asian American men have Asian partners?

[Chris]

I respond first.

There are usually two group of gay asian. One that date only other asian and one who think dating asian is like dating their own brothers.

There are many reasons to that.

For me am neither of those. I date who I want but I DO tend to lean towards asian guys. Why?

They have an understanding of me growing up and I don't neccessary have to explain every "asianess" of certain things and concepts, about family and responibilites. That is the case of most of my friend here.

Location is another factor. Most of the asian here do date other asian and that is the case in most of the west coast. The east coast is the opposite trend. Most of the asian guys have white boyfriend. Because there is a lack of self pride of who they are they see the white guys as the "superior race". Base on my experience that is where the whole drift of east and west coast asians are divided.

I stay away from white guys who think I will be one of those docile gay asian who doesn't speak english correctly. If they are those types. Then they will have hell to paid from me ;)

[etcj]

Originally posted by Chris@Apr 15 2003, 05:35 PM
The east coast is the opposite trend. Most of the asian guys have white boyfriend. Because there is a lack of self pride of who they are they see the white guys as the "superior race".  Base on my experience that is where the whole drift of east and west coast asians are divided.

I stay away from white guys who think I will be one of those docile gay asian who doesn't speak english correctly.  If they are those types. Then they will have hell to paid from me ;)
Woah!!!! Where did you get that? Are you a ventriloquist, cuz you seem to talking out of your butt or something... :lol: :lol: :lol:

The reason of low-self esteem is such a scapegoat! Did you ever consider that perhaps it just has something to do with population size? Asians and Pacific Islanders typically make up less than 4% of the entire population in many cities on the East Coast. With the exception of New York City, Asians and Pacific Islanders are a definite minority compared to whites. Feel free to check up on the number with the Census Bureau ( http://www.census.gov ). If white people vastly outnumber Asians and Pacific Islanders, then I would not find it weird that there are more white-Asian couples.

My explanation about the social acceptance/tolerance of white-Asian couples on the East Coast stems from the fact that some Asians and Pacific Islanders see dating outside of their race as a form of rebellion against some of the beliefs held inside families. Interracial relationships is certainly still taboo among many families and some gay Asians and Pacific Islanders might rationalize their actions of dating a white person as rebelling against some of the relationship and familial norms.

More to say, but I wanna hear what others think...

[Chris]

hahaha.

Etjc. This is based on my experience with my friends over here on the east and west coast. I actually help out my friend when she was doing a research on this. Those were the very words out of my friends mouth not mines remember that. Beside I think it is a bullshit answer for me anyways. <_< I never found the excuse to use the "white men are better anyways" from my freinds.

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by etcj@Apr 15 2003, 06:31 PM
Originally posted by Chris@Apr 15 2003, 05:35 PM
The east coast is the opposite trend. Most of the asian guys have white boyfriend. Because there is a lack of self pride of who they are they see the white guys as the "superior race".&nbsp; Base on my experience that is where the whole drift of east and west coast asians are divided.

I stay away from white guys who think I will be one of those docile gay asian who doesn't speak english correctly. If they are those types. Then they will have hell to paid from me ;)
Woah!!!! Where did you get that? Are you a ventriloquist, cuz you seem to talking out of your butt or something... :lol: :lol: :lol:

The reason of low-self esteem is such a scapegoat! Did you ever consider that perhaps it just has something to do with population size? Asians and Pacific Islanders typically make up less than 4% of the entire population in many cities on the East Coast. With the exception of New York City, Asians and Pacific Islanders are a definite minority compared to whites. Feel free to check up on the number with the Census Bureau ( http://www.census.gov ). If white people vastly outnumber Asians and Pacific Islanders, then I would not find it weird that there are more white-Asian couples.

My explanation about the social acceptance/tolerance of white-Asian couples on the East Coast stems from the fact that some Asians and Pacific Islanders see dating outside of their race as a form of rebellion against some of the beliefs held inside families. Interracial relationships is certainly still taboo among many families and some gay Asians and Pacific Islanders might rationalize their actions of dating a white person as rebelling against some of the relationship and familial norms.

More to say, but I wanna hear what others think...
well except that the percentages for cities on the east coast are hardly as low as the national average.

[etcj]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Apr 15 2003, 06:48 PM
well except that the percentages for cities on the east coast are hardly as low as the national average.
I'm not sure what you mean by the national average...
There are approximately 10.2 million Asians to 220 million whites. Ratio of 4%.
Of all of the major cities, only NYC (and Jersey state, but it's more or less part of metro-NYC) has a Asian and Pacific Islander population over the national average. Even if cities' populations do surpass the national average, you'll find that the white population usually outnumbers them by more than 10 folds.

Yes, I'm such a geek for using Census data...

[BeTheReds]

I'm not gay, so I don't know if I can speak about this with any authority, but I would think if you were gay, your options for dating would be slim. I mean, lets face it, the proportion of gays to heteros has got to be tiny. Then factor in the proportions of Asians to Whites, and you have a tiny number of gay Asians in this country.

The odds of even finding another gay asian male have got to be slim.

[myself808]

i think there are a couple of factors that influence who you have a relationship with. here in hawaii, asians, as a whole, are actually the majority ethnicity. i see the entire range, there are those who date only other asians and those who never do, and those that date any race. however what i have noticed is that more often than not when you see a white/asian gay couple (in particular older white/younger asain, which is another thread entirely) the asian will be an asian from asia (trying not to use epithets). i'm not so sure about the "superior race" thing though, i think its more "socio-economically superior", i.e. rich white man. I do agree that there is shared commonality with other asians and that makes other asians more attractive. for me personally i tend to be atttracted to non-whites, over whites, but i have dated white men. actually i think there is a greater freedom for gays to date other races than straight people have. even a white gay man knows what its like to be discriminated against, so he is less likely to himself discriminate against someone else.

[Napoleon Chynamite]

Originally posted by BeTheReds@Apr 15 2003, 04:06 PM
I'm not gay, so I don't know if I can speak about this with any authority, but I would think if you were gay, your options for dating would be slim. I mean, lets face it, the proportion of gays to heteros has got to be tiny. Then factor in the proportions of Asians to Whites, and you have a tiny number of gay Asians in this country.

The odds of even finding another gay asian male have got to be slim.
yea unfortunately you would also hafta worry about actually liking them for their personality too....it's hard enuff to find the right one even if ur hetero, damn drama queens and golddiggers!!

[ChinaLama]

Originally posted by BeTheReds@Apr 16 2003, 12:06 AM
I'm not gay, so I don't know if I can speak about this with any authority, but I would think if you were gay, your options for dating would be slim. I mean, lets face it, the proportion of gays to heteros has got to be tiny. Then factor in the proportions of Asians to Whites, and you have a tiny number of gay Asians in this country.

The odds of even finding another gay asian male have got to be slim.
i agree w/ BTR. I think homosexuality is much less accepted in the Asian community so the % of gay asians is probably much smaller than the % of gay whites, esp. on the East Coast where Asian communities are "newer" and perhaps less accepting of homosexuality than more est and i guess closer to "mainstream" West Coast Asian communities. I hope I didn't sound like a racist or anything, calling Asians foreigners or anything. :P

[Tao]

Originally posted by myself808@Apr 15 2003, 08:21 PM
even a white gay man knows what its like to be discriminated against, so he is less likely to himself discriminate against someone else.
Suprisingly, i'd have to disagree on that one. on a recent trip to providence massachussetts my family and I experienced a lot of resentment while we were in the town. the town was basically an all gay and lesbian town, and all white. People would utter some racist slurs, or would just be plain rude, so go fig.

[etcj]

Originally posted by myself808@Apr 15 2003, 07:21 PM
even a white gay man knows what its like to be discriminated against, so he is less likely to himself discriminate against someone else.
You would imagine that, but no, white gay men just don't realize thier privilege and power, even in a heterosexist world. check out what i wrote in my introduction post and you can see my story about exactly what you said (well it kind of contradicts what you said): http://forums.yellowworld.org/index.php?ac...=ST&f=35&t=7709 (http://forums.yellowworld.org/index.php?act=ST&f=35&t=7709)

[Fireblade]

Originally posted by Tao@Apr 15 2003, 06:03 PM
Suprisingly, i'd have to disagree on that one. on a recent trip to providence massachussetts my family and I experienced a lot of resentment while we were in the town. the town was basically an all gay and lesbian town, and all white. People would utter some racist slurs, or would just be plain rude, so go fig.
This is probably a whole entire thread.... but yes, I've experienced racism from lesbians and gay before. Really it strikes me as odd, since you have to be somewhat open-minded about minorities in general, even if it's just about sexuality. Weirdness.

There were times on the lightrail when going from market st and through castro, I would hear conversations between two gay older white men who prefer docile asian men. Usually younger ones, because they too have a sort of asianphile fetish. But like I said in other posts before, you always find something outside of the norm in s.f.

[applehead]

i really like the titles they have
being sticky
rice queens
potato queens.

[deez nuts]

Originally posted by applehead@Apr 16 2003, 04:25 AM
i really like the titles they have
being sticky
rice queens
potato queens.


lol

[kitty]

I dunno if this is true, but because of the stereotype of overly effeminate asian males, a guy in a workshop I was running said that there's a joke in the gay community that two asian guys together are "two lesbians"... is that really a joke? (I found it sick)... and are male asian gays seen as overly effeminate in the gay community? (I know lot's of porn portrays it that way).

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by kittygirl@Apr 16 2003, 01:08 PM
I dunno if this is true, but because of the stereotype of overly effeminate asian males, a guy in a workshop I was running said that there's a joke in the gay community that two asian guys together are "two lesbians"... is that really a joke? (I found it sick)... and are male asian gays seen as overly effeminate in the gay community? (I know lot's of porn portrays it that way).
what did the effeminine asian guy image come from anyway?

[kitty]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Apr 16 2003, 06:10 PM
what did the effeminine asian guy image come from anyway?
It has been traced back to times of colonialism and Marco Polo when European explorers would bring back stories of rich and effeminate Chinese traders/merchants and the empire. It might have something to do with the traditional clothing and the lifestyle of the extremely rich Manchurians, but since that was pretty much the only contact that they had, it became a characteristic of the exotic "Orientals".

China itself was characterized as a feminine land where the masculine Europeans had to conquer it (all this imagery of raping of Asian and stuff)...

When Chinese came to America they were seen as barbaric, like blacks, and were seen as being animalistic and hypersexualized, always demonizing white women (thus acts that prevented miscegenation). But there was also the exotic ideals of China which were similar to those earlier tales, and characters like Fu Manchu were invented...

Eventually, as Chinese labourers became known for their hardworking nature and the model minority myth came around, (post -1965) the effeminate thing has sort of gone away from a hypersexualized effeminate asian male to a desexualized effeminate asian male....

[Chris]

*laughs*

There are plenty of "effeminates" guys all across the boards. White, African Ameircan, Latino, Asian. They are ALL quite common. Maybe because they are see only one group of them that they assume that it is only the asian group that is effeminate. Not necessary true.

hehe Meena:
Yes I am kinda "sticky"

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by Chris@Apr 16 2003, 01:55 PM
hehe Meena:
Yes I am kinda "sticky"
what is sticky?

[applehead]

Originally posted by Chris@Apr 16 2003, 10:55 AM
*laughs*

There are plenty of "effeminates" guys all across the boards. White, African Ameircan, Latino, Asian. They are ALL quite common. Maybe because they are see only one group of them that they assume that it is only the asian group that is effeminate. Not necessary true.

hehe Meena:
Yes I am kinda "sticky"
ya know. chris.
you shouldn't be.
more choices that way.
:)

let's not tell rad what being sticky is.
i like him stupid.

[Chris]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Apr 16 2003, 10:58 AM
Originally posted by Chris@Apr 16 2003, 01:55 PM
hehe Meena:
Yes I am kinda "sticky"
what is sticky?

Hey Rad have been very cool with me meena.

Sticky = Gay asian who like gay Asian

Pototo Kings - Asian guys who only like White Guys

Rice Queens - White guys who only like Asian Guys.

[Chris]

Originally posted by applehead@Apr 16 2003, 04:01 PM
Originally posted by Chris@Apr 16 2003, 10:55 AM
*laughs*

There are plenty of "effeminates" guys all across the boards. White, African Ameircan, Latino, Asian.&nbsp; They are ALL quite common.&nbsp; Maybe because they are see only one group of them that they assume that it is only the asian group that is effeminate.&nbsp; Not necessary true.

hehe Meena:
Yes I am kinda "sticky"
ya know. chris.
you shouldn't be.
more choices that way.
:)

let's not tell rad what being sticky is.
i like him stupid.
hehe meena. I don't limit myself to only asian. I do like option. But in the long run. I want an asian guy. :)

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by Chris@Apr 16 2003, 07:24 PM
Originally posted by SunWuKung@Apr 16 2003, 10:58 AM
Originally posted by Chris@Apr 16 2003, 01:55 PM
hehe Meena:
Yes I am kinda "sticky"
what is sticky?

Hey Rad have been very cool with me meena.

Sticky = Gay asian who like gay Asian

Pototo Kings - Asian guys who only like White Guys

Rice Queens - White guys who only like Asian Guys.
how come rice queens refer only to gay white guys? can't it refer to woman asiaphiles?

[etcj]

So is there going to be a separate communty/forum set up for LGBTQ stuff, or will it seem to remain in the Rant Room?

[myself808]

tao, etcj,

i guess i should have expressed that thought with more clarity, sorry, my bad. one of the pitfalls of ranting. i said "less likely" by which i meant in general, but of course, not all or everyone

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by applehead@Apr 16 2003, 07:01 PM
let's not tell rad what being sticky is.
i like him stupid.
don't disrespect oppa

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by etcj@Apr 16 2003, 09:12 PM
So is there going to be a separate communty/forum set up for LGBTQ stuff, or will it seem to remain in the Rant Room?
this is currently in discussion. :)
patience, little grasshoppa.

[Chris]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Apr 16 2003, 06:11 PM
Originally posted by Chris@Apr 16 2003, 07:24 PM
Originally posted by SunWuKung@Apr 16 2003, 10:58 AM
Originally posted by Chris@Apr 16 2003, 01:55 PM
hehe Meena:
Yes I am kinda "sticky"
what is sticky?

Hey Rad have been very cool with me meena.

Sticky = Gay asian who like gay Asian

Pototo Kings - Asian guys who only like White Guys

Rice Queens - White guys who only like Asian Guys.
how come rice queens refer only to gay white guys? can't it refer to woman asiaphiles?
It can. It just more prevalent in teh gay community with that term.

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by Chris@Apr 16 2003, 09:21 PM
Originally posted by SunWuKung@Apr 16 2003, 06:11 PM
Originally posted by Chris@Apr 16 2003, 07:24 PM
Originally posted by SunWuKung@Apr 16 2003, 10:58 AM
Originally posted by Chris@Apr 16 2003, 01:55 PM
hehe Meena:
Yes I am kinda "sticky"
what is sticky?

Hey Rad have been very cool with me meena.

Sticky = Gay asian who like gay Asian

Pototo Kings - Asian guys who only like White Guys

Rice Queens - White guys who only like Asian Guys.
how come rice queens refer only to gay white guys? can't it refer to woman asiaphiles?
It can. It just more prevalent in teh gay community with that term.
oh alright then. :)

[golden_buns]

Wow, I guess gay asian issues aren't that different from what happens in the regular asian american community.

[deez nuts]

Originally posted by etcj@Apr 16 2003, 09:12 PM
So is there going to be a separate communty/forum set up for LGBTQ stuff, or will it seem to remain in the Rant Room?
settle down.

[mrazntre]

Originally posted by Chasiubao_Boy@Apr 17 2003, 02:33 AM
settle down.
yeah, settle down.

[ChineseTourist]

Originally posted by Fireblade@Apr 15 2003, 11:23 PM
This is probably a whole entire thread.... but yes, I've experienced racism from lesbians and gay before. Really it strikes me as odd, since you have to be somewhat open-minded about minorities in general, even if it's just about sexuality. Weirdness.

There were times on the lightrail when going from market st and through castro, I would hear conversations between two gay older white men who prefer docile asian men. Usually younger ones, because they too have a sort of asianphile fetish. But like I said in other posts before, you always find something outside of the norm in s.f.
my fight response would be triggered :blink: <_< :pissed:

[PuChAi]

Originally posted by Shuriken@Apr 15 2003, 01:22 PM
Here is an issue that I've been wondering about:

I've heard that gay Asian American men never — or hardly ever — have Asian partners, and that most have white partners. Is this true? (The few gay Asian men I know are all in interracial relationships. But I don't know them well enough to feel comfortable talking to them about this subject.) And if so, what is anyone to conclude from such a fact? Does this cast added light on the issue of heterosexual interracial relationships?

I hope that this topic isn't too sensitive. I'm not trying to stir up a hornets' nest or make anyone angry. But if true, this seems like an intriguing factoid. Why don't more gay Asian American men have Asian partners?
I kno its kinda late 2 reply on this issue but yeah it does.I see manyasians that are born here look for interacial relationships.mainly most born here have sought out whites.(korean,japanese,chinese,vietnames)Where as i stated in another topic, most to my knowledge thai,lao,and pfilipinos wether born here or not see out relationships with otha asians or other ethnic relationships. ;)

[PuChAi]

Originally posted by etcj@Apr 15 2003, 03:31 PM
Originally posted by Chris@Apr 15 2003, 05:35 PM
The east coast is the opposite trend. Most of the asian guys have white boyfriend. Because there is a lack of self pride of who they are they see the white guys as the "superior race".&nbsp; Base on my experience that is where the whole drift of east and west coast asians are divided.

I stay away from white guys who think I will be one of those docile gay asian who doesn't speak english correctly. If they are those types. Then they will have hell to paid from me ;)
Woah!!!! Where did you get that? Are you a ventriloquist, cuz you seem to talking out of your butt or something... :lol: :lol: :lol:

The reason of low-self esteem is such a scapegoat! Did you ever consider that perhaps it just has something to do with population size? Asians and Pacific Islanders typically make up less than 4% of the entire population in many cities on the East Coast. With the exception of New York City, Asians and Pacific Islanders are a definite minority compared to whites. Feel free to check up on the number with the Census Bureau ( http://www.census.gov ). If white people vastly outnumber Asians and Pacific Islanders, then I would not find it weird that there are more white-Asian couples.

My explanation about the social acceptance/tolerance of white-Asian couples on the East Coast stems from the fact that some Asians and Pacific Islanders see dating outside of their race as a form of rebellion against some of the beliefs held inside families. Interracial relationships is certainly still taboo among many families and some gay Asians and Pacific Islanders might rationalize their actions of dating a white person as rebelling against some of the relationship and familial norms.

More to say, but I wanna hear what others think...
Actually i really agree with Chris.Most that i have seen look toward the white guy to be supirior, and , lots are with them for money and feel that whites offer better security in life than other asians or so on.Most that are with white guys always look so thin and fragile and weak and look to the white guy to feel in where they are not, most are with white guys to escape their culture and who they are.

[PuChAi]

Originally posted by Chris@Apr 16 2003, 10:55 AM
*laughs*

There are plenty of "effeminates" guys all across the boards. White, African Ameircan, Latino, Asian. They are ALL quite common. Maybe because they are see only one group of them that they assume that it is only the asian group that is effeminate. Not necessary true.

hehe Meena:
Yes I am kinda "sticky"
Yes i truly agree, I mean they are the ones that are noticable and the one they can see and tell so thats wut they think about all.But there are many that are not that way many that are manly and not seen or know to be gay.But they are out theer.Like maybe me , and sooo many others that love working on cars, and street racing and all that great guy stuff, it really sucks though when yu look at american movies and 95 percent of the gay guys in a movie are really effiminate and soon 2 dye of aids.Are on this drug or another.Wuts with that, thats where all the stereotyping starts really i thing.But i watch many asian movies which show a totally different side, the "manly asian" why arent movies like that?

[lethal]

I read an article in AsianWeek a few years ago that address this topic and some others. Lemme see if I can dig it up and let's see how accurate it is. Specifically, it said that in the past, Asian men would date white men predominately, but in the past 10 years there has been an increasing percentage of Asian/Asian couples. No one really knows why.

http://www.asianweek.com/2000_06_22/feature.html

The Gay Asian American Male—Striving to Find an Identity
By Tom Lee
“When I hear ‘gay community’ I automatically think ‘white.’ Being gay seemed like such a white thing. It never occurred to me that you can be Asian and gay,” says 22-year-old college student Alex,* who is of Chinese descent. “Even though I’m Asian and gay, I just never associated the two. It was always one or the other.”

Alex’s sentiments echo that of many gay-identified Asian Americans today. To be gay and Asian is at most times a contradiction. Ethnicity and sexuality, while vastly different concepts, run parallel in terms of self-identity and societal acceptance. And for gay Asian Americans, these two aspects are intricately intertwined. Even when gay Asian Americans come to terms with their sexuality, they have to find a place in the community where their ethnicity is a welcome fit. But for many, the notion of an inclusive gay community is a concept that still seems out of reach.

Alex, casually clad in sweats and a baseball cap, fidgets in his chair while contemplating his place in the gay community. His tall, athletic frame provides a sharp contrast to his pensive face. “I don’t know. I don’t think I fit in anywhere,” he finally says. “It’s hard being a minority in a white society, and ten times more difficult when you’re a minority within a minority.”

“All I see in the gay neighborhoods are porn displayed in shop windows and rainbow flags. The rainbow is a commercialized symbol that is supposed to be a catch-all, representing everyone, but I just don’t relate,” he says.

Like in the straight community, the media has a tremendous effect on people’s perceptions. The gay community as depicted by the media, is a place where muscle-bound, blonde, blue-eyed boys shamelessly flirt with each other, go to dance clubs, and shop at Ikea. David Chan, 36, believes the image of the “young, gym-toned, white male that is often portrayed” stems from a “focus on youth and vitality as a means to get attention and sell products” just like in mainstream media.

When gay Asian males are portrayed in the alternative media, their characteristics are often wrought with gross stereotypes. These misperceptions play a major role in how gay Asian American males are perceived, says Alex. The common conceptions of heterosexual Asian men being weak, timid, unassertive, and not masculine likewise apply to gay Asian men. “As in any community, stereotypes thrive. It’s funny—gay or straight, Asian men face the same problems. Certain people may or may not want to date Asian men because of these stereotypes. And these stereotypes can over time contribute to unspoken racism,” he says.

Alex details one incident particularly upsetting. During his junior year in college, he dated a white guy for a few weeks before being casually dumped when the relationship was about to get serious. The person’s only excuse: “I don’t date fortune cookies.”

“I was completely shocked that he would reduce my whole existence into the equivalent of a cookie. I thought he had more sense than that,” says Alex. “I think the only reason he dated me was because he was intrigued by my ‘exoticness’ and when I didn’t fit the stereotypes he expected, he lost interest.”

Dino Duazo, the public relations chairman of Gay Asian Pacific Alliance (GAPA), has seen gay Asian American stereotypes evolve over time in the past decade. “Traditionally and historically, gay Asian men are seen as young, thin, submissive, and exotic. During these past 10 years, there’s been a lot more visible gay APIs so the stereotype is being [broken down] gradually,” he explains. “It’s hard to quantify what makes people attracted to others. There’s racism, preference, stigma, and stereotypes.”

Adds Alex: “In the gay community, everything is very visual. Looks are everything. And when you deviate from that accepted look of the white [notion of attractiveness], no one pays you any attention. No one just wants to be friends, unless they’re attracted to you.”

The desire to fit in has led Alex to downplay his Chinese heritage and appearance. His gay friends are mostly white, his style of dress could be labeled as “skater,” and he punctuates his sentences with “bro” often. “I’m not whitewashed,” he insists. “I know my culture. But because Asians are still seen as foreign in the gay community, whenever I meet someone I want them to just think of me as a person, although all he might see is an Asian guy. I wanted to transcend that.”

For some gay Asian Americans, coming to terms with being Asian is just as much of an ordeal as coming to terms with being gay. Many deny their ethnicity because they do not want to be seen as an outsider by an already ostracized group such as the gay community. Alex’s experience is not atypical of many young gay Asian American men.

Chan went through the same process in his formative years. “I have asked myself a lot of hard questions and have done a lot of soul searching and personal growth,” he says. “I took the time to self reflect on my internalized and externalized homophobia and internalized and externalized ‘Asianphobia.’”

Duazo has seen many gay Asian Americans struggling for years trying to forge an identity for themselves. “One of the biggest obstacles is maintaining that balance, trying to find an identity as Asian or gay or both. There’s that conflict there. Being Asian, there’s expectations you’re supposed to live up to. Being gay contradicts those expectations,” he explains. “Ultimately you have to [come to terms] with that.”

Traditional Asian cultures’ emphasis on close family units is one of the underlying issues that makes the gay Asian American experience different than other experiences, says Duazo. There are more incidences of Asian American men hiding their sexuality in order not to disappoint their families. “The family aspect is stronger in our community. It affects the coming out process with it being much harder because of close ties with family. It’s hard to generalize for each ethnic group, but this is consistently a [theme] in the API community,” he says.

For Alex, having a close relationship with his parents was both a blessing and a curse. While he is grateful for having such a solid connection with his family, it also at the same time kept him from completely accepting his sexuality. He has since come out to his family and is on his way to reconnecting with his Asian heritage. “I thought my culture would never accept my homosexuality. Maybe that’s why I just sort of disregarded and rejected [my culture],” he offers. “Now I see I can integrate the two and I’m trying.”

In the past 10 years, the dating pattern of Asian American men have shifted from predominately Asian/white pairings to more Asian Americans dating others of their own race, according to Duazo. There are no theories as to why this phenomenon is occurring but Duazo offers some suggestions: “Maybe it’s just the fact that they see other Asians doing it, or it’s empowering that they don’t have to wait around for white guys to tell them they are attractive. It’s an option now.”

But just as the gay community should not be stereotyped, the gay Asian American experience is not the same for all. Some gay Asian American males have no problem integrating into the larger gay community. Elliot Wong, 31, is such a person. Having lived in the Castro for five years, he has never experienced any difficulties regarding his race. “The degree of inclusiveness depends on the individual. For whatever reason, Asian Americans aren’t very active in this community,” he states.

An inclusive and active gay community is possible, believes Chan, but it can only be achieved when each person examines his own prejudices. “On an individual level we need to each take part in dealing with [aspects] of our own heritage that we are not comfortable with and learn to understand that the reasons we have racial prejudice in the gay community is the fact that we have externalized some fears and insecurities that we have of ourselves and others,” he says. “We can change the world if we change ourselves first.”

Because gay Asian Americans share these unique experiences of identity, it is important for support groups such as GAPA to exist, insists Duazo. These groups create a supportive network and in turn form into their own communities tailored to the specific needs of the Asian American community. Involvement in these organizations also increases awareness and provides a voice for gay Asian Americans who otherwise would not have one, he says.

As if to reflect the growing presence of gay Asian Americans, more and more gay ethnic and inter-ethnic groups have been established, such as Malaysian Gays and Lesbians Club, Pacific Friends, Lavender Dragon Society, and Trikone.

Alex is aware of gay Asian organizations but had never thought of joining one. “It just seems so exclusive,” he says. “I don’t think that’s the answer. Segregating ourselves into our own little comfortable niches and never venturing out into the bigger community doesn’t seem very productive.”

Even some members of GAPA are concerned about gay Asian organizations inadvertently promoting divisiveness just by existing. “My experience with gay Asians is through groups like GAPA. Although that might not necessary be a good thing,” says Hao Thai, 23. “We shouldn’t try to have a segregated and fragmented community. Ideally, we should all band together. It’s easier to break the walls with a boulder than pebbles of different colors.”

Duazo has heard all the criticism before but fears that any integration into the larger gay community would overshadow gay Asian Americans’ specific needs. “To grow into a larger group, it becomes about [the larger group’s] needs. They might superimpose their experience over ours. By having a group that’s specifically for APIs, it provides a safe place to voice our experience, our perceptive,” he says.

Eighteen-year-old U.C. Berkeley student Joseph Gavinlertvatana agrees: “I feel that any community that tries to cut through color lines will segregate by race, initially. The women’s movement is largely colored by race. So was the youth movement, the sports movement, and any other social institution. I think it is necessary to explore different aspects of gay culture that cannot be explored in a setting that is too open.”

Although Gavinlertvatana believes race-specific groups are a positive inclusion in the gay community, he observes that many people who are involved in these organizations are not involved with the greater gay community as a whole. “That is a sad result, but understandable,” he says. “It is unnecessary, because I feel that an inclusive gay community can coexist with race-specific groups.”

He adds: “I think there has been recognition [that there are stereotypes and] racism and that is the first step. The next steps would be to be more inclusive, sensitive, and oriented toward racial minorities.

As the population of Asian American grows, more and more young people will struggle with their cultural and sexual identities. Gay Asian support organizations may be the answer to empower these individuals, says Duazo.

Asian Americans will be an integral part of the gay community in the near future, believes Thai. It’s only a matter of time. “The Asian voice is growing louder, more active. As people get more active, they interact with other people and create a greater whole,” he says.

Chan, for one, has felt the effects of being more active in his community. Having been a member of seven gay Asian groups, he sees these organizations serving as an essential bridge providing dialogue between the Asian American community and the mainstream gay community. He is also now confident in his identity as an gay Asian American male.

“I am proud of my Chinese Malaysian heritage. I’ve learned to accept its grandeur and shortcomings,” he says. “In the beginning, it was overwhelmingly scary and fearful for me to deal with the incongruities and to try to conform myself to my subcultures—Chinese, Asian, gay. Overtime, I made a conscious decision to choose to lovingly lead my own life and not live in irrational fears.”

As for Alex, he is slowly coming to terms with his identity. “I’ve learned to deal. Although I’m not part of the ‘sub’ or mainstream gay community, I have my own sense of self—I’m just me,” he says. “I’m in a void but that’s OK. Does that make sense? I hope someone could relate.”

[victorvien]

I've talked to Potato Queens who are proud to be Asian, like being Asian, and think they're good-looking. Here's a caveat: If you can't think the people who look like you are attractive, what makes you think you're attractive? YOur fellow Asians are the cultural mirror reflections of you and if you don't like what you see, then there's a problem in your self-image.....

[etcj]

As long as individuals realize that it's a choice that they pick a certain boyfriend, then I can't fault folks for having racial/ethnic preferences. When societal pressures compel gay Asians and Pacific Islanders to pick a particular race, that's when things are wrong in society. Sometimes I'm cautious about Asian-Asian couples about whether they truly desire each other as oposed to to making a political statement against gay white men.