Help Me! I'm gonna be a hapa's uncle!

[Fireblade]

I have a request...

As some of you may or may not know, I have a sister who's getting married to a hispanic guy. Well not too long ago, she told me that she's pregnant. Aside from helping her out as much as I can... (I live with them both) I just wanted to know something. How can these parents raise their child in a way that they won't feel like their the only person in the world as some of you have expressed in previous threads. I'm worried, because I know that being hapa can give you questions about culture and such, and I just want to know what advice I can give to my sister and juan (the father) so they can be prepared for the issues that may arise.

thanks. this would mean a great deal to me.

[golden_buns]

Originally posted by Fireblade@Apr 11 2003, 09:45 AM
I have a request...

As some of you may or may not know, I have a sister who's getting married to a hispanic guy. Well not too long ago, she told me that she's pregnant. Aside from helping her out as much as I can... (I live with them both) I just wanted to know something. How can these parents raise their child in a way that they won't feel like their the only person in the world as some of you have expressed in previous threads. I'm worried, because I know that being hapa can give you questions about culture and such, and I just want to know what advice I can give to my sister and juan (the father) so they can be prepared for the issues that may arise.

thanks. this would mean a great deal to me.
Don't worry so much about it for now. The identity question will hit your nephews/nieces when they become teenagers, as of now ust let them be kids.

Congrats man, you're gonna be uncle fireblade soon

[thaite]

Even when they are kids, do what you can to expose them to both cultures as much as possible. That way they will be able to feel better at ease in those groups. The more knowledge and exposure, the less they'll have to justify themselves or show 'credentials.'

[kimpossible]

The first question that pops into my head is do they even want any advice? Sure biracial issues and identity issues are inevitable at some point in time but for right now she's just pregnant and they're a couple about to be first time parents and embark on building a family together.

How about some solace first? Temper what we say in this forum with the fact that mixed race Asians are less in population that Asians and it's not like we have a special mixed race that we can gather with. We're part of other races so we have small pockets of presence like this forum (which I've actually seen listed on people's homepages on the net!) where we can discuss what affects us. So it might be unfairly slanted towards the negative and I acknowledge that. We do love our families and we are fairly happy people. So don't fear that anger and doom is our only birthright. LIke golden buns said, you're going to be an uncle!

As far as advice, if they wanted it or you just wanted to look into it on your own for now there is a pinned topic in this forum about advice for raising hapa children. Additionally there was a thread about raising specifically blasians around here somewhere. It got a bit flamey in places and I realize you niece or nephew isn't blasian but the principles would apply. I can track down that topic and put a link in this post in a bit. Right now my shrimp cocktail calls.

Should I think of advice sager than this I'll post it.

[Fireblade]

Well curently I'm living with them... and will probably do so, since my sis ownes the house that we're currently living in. I'm just concerned, because they personally have asked me questions about what they should do in terms of keeping their child culturally sound. They both want to enforce both mexican and chinese traditions, but at the same time, they do not want to force their child the burden of trying to identify with one race. They both have professions of being educators, and both know that they have these issues to deal with. Might as well hit the problem on the head, before it becomes one.

And I know I will be part of this child's life. Both my sister and juan are close to their siblings, and there's a huge chance that even though I end up not living with them, I'll visit them every week or something of the sort.

I guess I'm asking for advice, is because like the parents, I don't want this child to be confused, and just be ready to accept that he or she (haven't confirmed what sex the kid is gonna be yet) is biracial, and will be self-confident about him or herself.

Damnit.. there should be a multi-culture day/holiday so that kids who are hapa can celebrate being hapa. Along with those who are also culturally abundant.

[SunWuKong]

shouldn't that be hapa's uncle instead of hapa uncle?

[Fireblade]

yea.. Umm... oh well. :huh:

[Hiroshi2]

Originally posted by golden_buns@Apr 11 2003, 12:07 PM
Originally posted by Fireblade@Apr 11 2003, 09:45 AM
I have a request...

As some of you may or may not know, I have a sister who's getting married to a hispanic guy. Well not too long ago, she told me that she's pregnant. Aside from helping her out as much as I can... (I live with them both) I just wanted to know something. How can these parents raise their child in a way that they won't feel like their the only person in the world as some of you have expressed in previous threads. I'm worried, because I know that being hapa can give you questions about culture and such, and I just want to know what advice I can give to my sister and juan (the father) so they can be prepared for the issues that may arise.

thanks. this would mean a great deal to me.
Don't worry so much about it for now. The identity question will hit your nephews/nieces when they become teenagers, as of now ust let them be kids.

Congrats man, you're gonna be uncle fireblade soon
No, don't wait till they're teenagers. They'll have to put up with shit when they're a small child as young as 5 or 6. I know I did, and that's why it always annoys the hell out of me when people say things like, "children are so innocent, they don't know about race or color." That's bullshit.

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by Fireblade@Apr 11 2003, 02:15 PM
yea.. Umm... oh well. :huh:
hahhah ok i changed it for you.

[Napoleon Chynamite]

i think quite a few of us are uncles/cousins of hapas already....my cousins were born with blondish hair (half white and half Chinese obviously), when my aunt sent me pictures of their kids I was like whoa so like where are my cousins, mom? haha :dance:

[YuheiCarreau]

Originally posted by FrozenPizza@Apr 12 2003, 12:07 PM
i think quite a few of us are uncles/cousins of hapas already....my cousins were born with blondish hair (half white and half Chinese obviously), when my aunt sent me pictures of their kids I was like whoa so like where are my cousins, mom? haha :dance:
Their hair will probably get darker... I had blonde hair when I was little, and look at me now.

[BeTheReds]

All I can say is treat your nephew or neice the same way you would treat him or her if he/she was full blooded Asian.

This whole "I can help out with culture and identity problems" idea is not going to help at all, believe me, the idea has popped into many parent's and relatives heads. You can't really do anything but let the kid find him/herself. Just be supportive ok? Let the kids make their own choices. Also, what works with one kid seldom works with others.

[Hiroshi2]

Originally posted by BeTheReds@Apr 13 2003, 06:08 PM
All I can say is treat your nephew or neice the same way you would treat him or her if he/she was full blooded Asian.

This whole "I can help out with culture and identity problems" idea is not going to help at all, believe me, the idea has popped into many parent's and relatives heads. You can't really do anything but let the kid find him/herself. Just be supportive ok? Let the kids make their own choices. Also, what works with one kid seldom works with others.
Well, yeah I kinda agree. Of course you can't actually step in their shoes, but yes you can be supportive and teach them to have the guts to stand up to all the crap they're going go through. I think in my last post I made it sound like the parents could relate or whatever, but that's not the case and not the way I wanted it to sign.

[YuheiCarreau]

Originally posted by BeTheReds@Apr 13 2003, 06:08 PM
All I can say is treat your nephew or neice the same way you would treat him or her if he/she was full blooded Asian.
Well; he should treat him any other family member, but does it make sense to treat the kid like he or she is full-blooded Asian? Do you like it when your White relatives treat you like you're only White?

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by YuheiCarreau@Apr 13 2003, 09:05 PM
Well; he should treat him any other family member, but does it make sense to treat the kid like he or she is full-blooded Asian? Do you like it when your White relatives treat you like you're only White?
maybe i'm just talking out of my ass because i'm not mixed.

but being that the white american culture is really just mainstream american culture that most asian americans adapt to anyway, what's the difference it really makes if you treat an american mixed person as if he/she was not mixed at all?

[BeTheReds]

Originally posted by YuheiCarreau@Apr 14 2003, 02:05 AM
Well; he should treat him any other family member, but does it make sense to treat the kid like he or she is full-blooded Asian? Do you like it when your White relatives treat you like you're only White?
right, well that's basically what I meant, treat them like any other family member.

I mean, don't treat the kid differently because he is white.

I don't know if my white relatives are treating me like I am white, but sometimes I really hate it when the more distant ones say retarded shit, like oh, we are having rice for dinner, why don't you come over next week?

[YuheiCarreau]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Apr 14 2003, 12:03 AM
maybe i'm just talking out of my ass because i'm not mixed.

but being that the white american culture is really just mainstream american culture that most asian americans adapt to anyway, what's the difference it really makes if you treat an american mixed person as if he/she was not mixed at all?
I don't know if everyone feels as strongly as I do about the issue... But if you're Hapa, you're not Asian. You're part Asian, part something else. Why be treated like you're something you're not?

[BeTheReds]

Originally posted by YuheiCarreau@Apr 14 2003, 07:35 AM

I don't know if everyone feels as strongly as I do about the issue... But if you're Hapa, you're not Asian. You're part Asian, part something else. Why be treated like you're something you're not?
Because. No one knows how to treat a hapa. You can either treat him like he is one of yours or like he is not one of yours. And I'm sure you know the latter hurts.

The former hurts too, like when my grandfather talked about those dirty gooks, or when my dad talked about the fucking yangnom drivers, but it is a lot softer than acting like the person in question is totally different from you.

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by BeTheReds@Apr 14 2003, 03:28 AM
Originally posted by YuheiCarreau@Apr 14 2003, 07:35 AM

I don't know if everyone feels as strongly as I do about the issue... But if you're Hapa, you're not Asian. You're part Asian, part something else. Why be treated like you're something you're not?
Because. No one knows how to treat a hapa. You can either treat him like he is one of yours or like he is not one of yours. And I'm sure you know the latter hurts.

The former hurts too, like when my grandfather talked about those dirty gooks, or when my dad talked about the fucking yangnom drivers, but it is a lot softer than acting like the person in question is totally different from you.
actually personally i try to treat mixed people as belonging to both of their races. but i can see how your example illustrates a situation where a mixed person is treated as belonging to only one race. besides specifically talking about one of your races as if you don't belong to it, what other examples are there of being treated as only belonging to one race?

[BeTheReds]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Apr 14 2003, 03:13 PM
Originally posted by BeTheReds@Apr 14 2003, 03:28 AM
Originally posted by YuheiCarreau@Apr 14 2003, 07:35 AM

I don't know if everyone feels as strongly as I do about the issue... But if you're Hapa, you're not Asian. You're part Asian, part something else. Why be treated like you're something you're not?
Because. No one knows how to treat a hapa. You can either treat him like he is one of yours or like he is not one of yours. And I'm sure you know the latter hurts.

The former hurts too, like when my grandfather talked about those dirty gooks, or when my dad talked about the fucking yangnom drivers, but it is a lot softer than acting like the person in question is totally different from you.
actually personally i try to treat mixed people as belonging to both of their races. but i can see how your example illustrates a situation where a mixed person is treated as belonging to only one race. besides specifically talking about one of your races as if you don't belong to it, what other examples are there of being treated as only belonging to one race?
Well really, i suppose it's all gonna come down to words.

I can't imagine any actions anyone can do to you to make you feel like you don't belong, aside from physically hariming you.