Dating Asian = want to be more Asian?

[kimpossible]

Just when you think I wasn't going to go there, I do. :)

Discuss me, discuss other people. Don't care. I think the topic is pretty self-explanatory and not without controversy. Hopefully it'll be fun.

[BeTheReds]

I think that might be part of the reason of my dating preference.

But i think it has more to do with dating someone who doesn't ask too many ethnically charged questions

[AliBabaIncorporated]

Originally posted by BeTheReds@Apr 10 2003, 08:16 PM
But i think it has more to do with dating someone who doesn't ask too many ethnically charged questions
one reason why i usually avoid dating mixed girls. so damn obsessed with what fraction of what I am and get annoyed when I have to admit I don't know if I have Malay or Filipino ancestors and that it doesn't affect me if I did.

actually i had an amazing experience on saturday. party at our place. me and my friends are on the couch piss drunk and telling bullshit stories in Cantonese and laughing our asses off. obviously mixed girl comes over and sits down with her friends. we start talking, both of us obviously know the other is mixed, yet we make it through the whole conversation without a single reference or question about each other's ethnicity. would have been perfect until my dumbass white friend had to bring up that subject when I got up to get more drinks.

as for dating asian = want to be more Asian? maybe it's true but I never really see that dating Asian actually does make ya more Asian (unless the girl is a total FOB and your best language of communication ends up <I>not</I> being English) or earn you more acceptance among Asians. Paradoxically in my experience it usually results in less acceptance. Most chinese FOBs couldn't give a damn who I date as long as it's not their girlfriend (korean FOBs are another story, though), and ABCs are more likely to treat me as an individual (rather than as a member of an amorphous Evil Whitey Oppressor Stealing Our Women group) if I am with a white girl.

Sometimes even being with an Asian girl means I got paranoid about doing "Asian stuff" in my everyday life, meaning basically, dating an Asian girl could make me less Asian --- in frosh year I went through a phase where I avoided taking Asian girls to any Asian party, Asian restaurant, screening of an Asian-related movie on campus, etc., always took any random white girl from my floor or went with guys instead, didn't speak Chinese if I'm walking down the street just with an HK girl, didn't study Japanese in the library or at the coffeeshop with Asian female classmates, instead with guys or white female classmates, cuz I got sick of being pegged by every dumbass ABC guy as the tagalong white guy with the Asian girlfriend teaching him the Mysterious Ways of the East. Mostly I'm over that now but it's still a twitch at the back of my mind.

[kimpossible]

Originally posted by tazadar@Apr 10 2003, 04:47 PM
Is that why you married Mr. HH? But, aren't you a gold-digger?
*shrug* I dunno. Might be. Might not be. But he's a hot piece of ass at any rate.

[kimpossible]

Originally posted by AliBabaIncorporated@Apr 10 2003, 05:45 PM
as for dating asian = want to be more Asian? maybe it's true but I never really see that dating Asian actually does make ya more Asian (unless the girl is a total FOB and your best language of communication ends up <I>not</I> being English) or earn you more acceptance among Asians. Paradoxically in my experience it usually results in less acceptance. Most chinese FOBs couldn't give a damn who I date as long as it's not their girlfriend (korean FOBs are another story, though), and ABCs are more likely to treat me as an individual (rather than as a member of an amorphous Evil Whitey Oppressor Stealing Our Women group) if I am with a white girl.
My experience tends to run somewhat similar to this. I think I actually became less Asian identity-wise when I started a relationship with my husband, ultimately marrying him of course. Before marriage I could part time the Asian.... er stuff (?) and since most of my social group wasn't primarily Asian at the time I was usually pegged as 'the Asian.' I mean, it all boils down to degrees of comparison. In a group of total non-Asians or even hapa I guess, I'm Asian. Compared to Asians, I'm white. Since I'm with at least one fairly fobby Asian full time I've adopted more of a foreigner (as in the Asian definition of foreigner) identity.

However, being a Chinese guy's wife seems to be another identity all on it's own. I get the impression that even if I don't get respect from ABCs or fob Chinese on my own, there's some sort of respect they'll give me on behalf of my husband. But really, this is all conjecture because I'm not Chinese or very Asian to begin with. There's only so much I can understand sometimes.

[YuheiCarreau]

Am I the only one who does want to date other Hapas? I'm still workin' on that chick from my Japanese class, we'll see how that goes...


Anyway, you guys are like Asiaphiles, except you're mixed. You're monoraciaphiles!!!
:P :P :P

[YuheiCarreau]

Originally posted by Hello_Hapa@Apr 10 2003, 08:36 PM
However, being a Chinese guy's wife seems to be another identity all on it's own. I get the impression that even if I don't get respect from ABCs or fob Chinese on my own, there's some sort of respect they'll give me on behalf of my husband. But really, this is all conjecture because I'm not Chinese or very Asian to begin with. There's only so much I can understand sometimes.
I think you're right on the money there. I've seen the same thing happen with my mom and FOB Japanese. Sometimes I wonder if my father gets extra FOB cred for staying pretty Japanese even though he's lived in the US for 19 years and has a White wife.

[Hiroshi2]

Originally posted by YuheiCarreau@Apr 10 2003, 10:02 PM
Am I the only one who does want to date other Hapas? I'm still workin' on that chick from my Japanese class, we'll see how that goes...


:P :P :P
I always thought that dating another hapa (mixed like me, not other combos) would be like dating my sister.

[YuheiCarreau]

Originally posted by Hiroshi2@Apr 10 2003, 10:09 PM
Originally posted by YuheiCarreau@Apr 10 2003, 10:02 PM
Am I the only one who does want to date other Hapas? I'm still workin' on that chick from my Japanese class, we'll see how that goes...


:P&nbsp; :P&nbsp; :P
I always thought that dating another hapa (mixed like me, not other combos) would be like dating my sister.
:rolleyes:


Speaking as someone who has three hapa sisters, one of whom is my twin, you're nuts. My sister is my family, and the girl in my Japanese class, along with Sonya Couling, Kelly Hu, and any other subjects of my Hapa lust, are completely different people. by that logic, if you went out with a Black girl or a Japanese girl it would be somewhat like dating your sister... But you don't think that, do you?

[thaite]

Originally posted by YuheiCarreau@Apr 10 2003, 10:16 PM
[QUOTE=Hiroshi2,Apr 10 2003, 10:09 PM]Speaking as someone who has three hapa sisters, one of whom is my twin...
Dude! Hook me up!

[YuheiCarreau]

Originally posted by thaite@Apr 10 2003, 11:30 PM
Dude! Hook me up!
No! My sisters are off limits until they turn 35. <_<

[Craig]

Originally posted by YuheiCarreau@Apr 11 2003, 01:36 AM
No! My sisters are off limits until they turn 35. <_<
Are those Mercury or Venus years you are using in your calculations ?

[kimpossible]

Originally posted by YuheiCarreau@Apr 10 2003, 08:02 PM
Am I the only one who does want to date other Hapas?
Oh I did. But this whole marriage thing kind of put a stop to dating. Heh. Damn hapa boy broke my heart too. When I was late teens early 20s I thought I would have ended up with a hapa guy and a Japanese hapa at that. I didn't have the issue where I saw them akin to family members.

[golden_buns]

Originally posted by YuheiCarreau@Apr 10 2003, 09:16 PM
Speaking as someone who has three hapa sisters, one of whom is my twin, you're nuts.
God, I love my brother in-law
Gimme a hug bro :dance:

[kimpossible]

Originally posted by golden_buns@Apr 11 2003, 07:46 AM
God, I love my brother in-law
Gimme a hug bro :dance:
hee hee! Lock your sisters up my man. Here comes the YWMWS!

[golden_buns]

Originally posted by Hello_Hapa@Apr 11 2003, 07:54 AM
hee hee! Lock your sisters up my man. Here comes the YWMWS!
It's gonna get even better when we start asking him to post pics of his sisters :D

[YuheiCarreau]

No! Off limits!

[golden_buns]

Originally posted by YuheiCarreau@Apr 11 2003, 08:28 AM
No! Off limits!
party-pooper :pissed:

[SunWuKong]

let's have a vote right now
on whether or not we should start a poll requesting pics of yuhei's sisters
i want some hapa eye candy
and yuhei, when are you going to introduce me to your twin???

[kimpossible]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Apr 11 2003, 12:57 PM
and yuhei, when are you going to introduce me to your twin???
How about we just stick Yuhei in a wig and put some lipstick on him?

[golden_buns]

Originally posted by Hello_Hapa@Apr 11 2003, 01:03 PM
How about we just stick Yuhei in a wig and put some lipstick on him?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :lol:

Yuhei, you hot momma! :luv:

[Nightworlder]

Yeah I wanna date asian girlies so I don't have to keep renewing my secret asian club membership fee's.

[BeTheReds]

Originally posted by Nightworlder@Apr 30 2003, 12:41 PM
Yeah I wanna date asian girlies so I don't have to keep renewing my secret asian club membership fee's.
Hey man, you still have to pay... In fact where is last months payment?

[Napoleon Chynamite]

Why would you want/need membership? The best way to go is always to mooch off of the club refreshments and freebies while holding absolutely none of the responsibilities that one would normally take on if they were actually involved (i.e. fundraising and all that crap) or officially part of the club or organization. I do it all the time here at school. :D Hispanic Students Association, Chinese Students Union, Korean Students Association, Coalition for African American College Students, you name it whateva just meet someone there for the sake of social connection and affiliation and then stick around for only the cool spiffy stuff :lol:

[coagulated fat]

I'm going to try to singlehandedly infuse life back into the Hapa forum.

To the initial question dating asian = want to be more Asian? I say, no. I can't prove it, but no. I'm unashamed of my whitewashedness.

In other dating-Asian news though, I always lose Asian guys to monoracial Asian chicks. Seems like Asian guys aren't opposed to dancing with me at a club, making out, stuff like that... (not that I DO make out with them, they just don't seem opposed) but prefer a monoracial Asian girlfriend. Curse them.

[Fireblade]

Originally posted by coagulated fat@May 30 2003, 06:59 PM
I'm going to try to singlehandedly infuse life back into the Hapa forum.

To the initial question dating asian = want to be more Asian? I say, no. I can't prove it, but no. I'm unashamed of my whitewashedness.

In other dating-Asian news though, I always lose Asian guys to monoracial Asian chicks. Seems like Asian guys aren't opposed to dancing with me at a club, making out, stuff like that... (not that I DO make out with them, they just don't seem opposed) but prefer a monoracial Asian girlfriend. Curse them.
You really need to go down to the bay area, where guys don't care what race you are.... as long as you're hot. :lol:

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by coagulated fat@May 30 2003, 09:59 PM
In other dating-Asian news though, I always lose Asian guys to monoracial Asian chicks. Seems like Asian guys aren't opposed to dancing with me at a club, making out, stuff like that... (not that I DO make out with them, they just don't seem opposed) but prefer a monoracial Asian girlfriend. Curse them.
hey babe, i would never ditch you for a monoracial chick. :D

[YuheiCarreau]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@May 30 2003, 08:31 PM
hey babe, i would never ditch you for a monoracial chick. :D
You know? You're like that Chris Rock joke, about "the old guy in the club"...

"He ain't really old, just a little too old to be in the club!"

[coagulated fat]

Originally posted by YuheiCarreau@May 30 2003, 06:45 PM
You know? You're like that Chris Rock joke, about "the old guy in the club"...

"He ain't really old, just a little too old to be in the club!"
:lol: Yes. Makes me wonder if I'll have to deal with this EVERY time I post. But I guess there could be worse things... :rolleyes:

Back on topic damn it!

[SunWuKong]

:D

best of both worlds! i'd get a white chick and a japanese chick in one package.

haha just playing :lol:

[PuChAi]

Hmm i think many HAPAs have a hard time dating sumone that is pure asian unless they are of some white-asian mix.I seen this first hand.Not with the Thai/lao/cambo of philipino community tho.As i fit all the but Philipino community.The area to which i live is pretty well integrated racially.Lots of asians like wut i stated earlier are mixed lots of them with hispanics and a few blacks.They tend to go asian or wutever ehtnic person.Altho the other asian ethnicities like Vietnamese , Chinese,Japanese,korean would never datee a Hapa.

[coagulated fat]

Why not?

I'm just curious because no one I've ever met has said anything to imply that white/asian hapas are undateable. I have noticed this attitude towards black/asian hapas though.

[PuChAi]

Originally posted by coagulated fat@Jul 8 2003, 03:34 PM
Why not?

I'm just curious because no one I've ever met has said anything to imply that white/asian hapas are undateable. I have noticed this attitude towards black/asian hapas though.
well its true tho, ive seen it towards mexican/ asian and black/asian hapas.Mainly and specifically towards chinese and those so on i listed.Many asians like philipinoes and thai and lao like i mentioned tho i have not seen them act this way thought.Is it because the others adorn the "white" looking skin and that one of the parents are white?Maybe.Ive been there done that.Its like all though all asian DO fit in the minority category, there are some i think that think they fit in the category "whites only" I have heard that other asians may look at some asians as the"ethnic" or "so to speak black asians" as if there are 2 differant actegories of asians.But most feel this because lots of thai,Lao and cambodian and Philipino like rap and hip hop and dress more ethnically and most of them are darker skinned or tanned and not "fare" skinned like the ones that are saying these things.