which parent is asian, difference in acceptance

[SunWuKong]

i don't know much about the hapa experience, so bare with me.
do you think there is a difference in how well hapas may be accepted in asia depending on whether your father or your mother is asian? where i'm going with this is that, knowing that asian cultures are very patriarchal, do you think that hapas with asian fathers are more accepted than hapas with asian mothers? and i'm asking this in terms of the experience in asia, or how well accepted you are amongst FOBs in america. with asian americans, i'm assuming the issue doesn't make much difference because they have pretty americanised views.

[YuheiCarreau]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Feb 10 2003, 02:02 AM
i don't know much about the hapa experience, so bare with me.
Aha! So really, this thread is just an attempt to denude us! OK, seriously now...

do you think there is a difference in how well hapas may be accepted in asia depending on whether your father or your mother is asian?  where i'm going with this is that, knowing that asian cultures are very patriarchal, do you think that hapas with asian fathers are more accepted than hapas with asian mothers?  and i'm asking this in terms of the experience in asia, or how well accepted you are amongst FOBs in america.  with asian americans, i'm assuming the issue doesn't make much difference because they have pretty americanised views.

I think gender doesn't play nearly as much of a role as people think. Most people will assume that the Asian mother is subservient to the non-Asian father, like in the war bride / whiggie stereotype, but I think it's got more to do with how much familiarity the Asian parent has with Asian culture, and also how much familiarity the non-Asian parent has. Parenting is a two person job, and it's not just the Asian parent that shapes the kid's ideas about Asian culture. As for how readily you're accepted by AAs and Asians, that's pretty much all about looks until they get to know you (and even then...).

[BeTheReds]

Well

For the most part, this depends on the circumstance. If the person is famous, then it really doesn't matter which parent is which because that person is famous and people sweat him or her and think that the whole mix thing is unique and cool and something that adds to their fame and appeal as if it is something that no normal average human being is capable of being.

Otherwise, I'd have to say that in my experience in Asia and around Fobs, I am more readily accepted as Korean than most mixed people or possibly some adoptees, or even slightly possibly ABKs. I don't know if this is due to the way I act on a personal level with people or if blood has something to do with it but...

In Korean thinking it's all about the father's bloodline, they have this complex ancestry system that you can use to trace your lineage to prestigious families, and they have family halls where people of this family get together to teach each other how their line is cool and why they should take pride in being Kims from Andong or wherever the hall is.

That being said, I think they don't give a rat's ass if the woman in the relationship is not Korean, the child in their eyes is Korean because his father is. Citizenship law until very recently was based on this... (now it's just if one parent is Korean, tho the thought process still exists...).

Conversly until very recently, all children with korean mothers and non korean fathers were not given automatic citizenship at birth. Citizenship laws aside, Korean people tend to think of mixed people from this type of mix as children of those disgraceful loose Korean girls.

Again, the reaction varies from person to person, but Koreans I have met all react with surprise and wonder and intrigue when they know my family name, and they want to get to know more about me at least.

Japanese react the same way, cuz they are in love with anything not Japanese... (and not dark skinned apparently.. from my recent experience...).

I think that there is something to your speculations, but I think for the most part, there will be exceptions to the prevailing thought.

By the way, I just wanted to add that I do not think that I am better, superior, or more asian than any other hapa or adoptee or asian person. These are simply things I have observed and also based on discussions with Korean people about this very same topic. Please don't come attacking me from all sides.

[AliBabaIncorporated]

Personally I tend to doubt the influence of parents whatsoever. maybe cuz my parents both know basically jack about Asian culture.

The major cultural influence in most people's lives is their peer group. That's where they get most of their informal behavioral standards from. How they act on the job or in the classroom might have something to do with how their parents might have told them they should act, but how they act at the bar on the weekend relates to the standards of their peer group. Of course your parents have some small say in the composition of your peer group when you're younger by deciding what school you go to and organizing your extra-curriculars, but once junior high hits that power erodes rapidly, by high school it's pretty much gone.

can't say it makes much of a difference socially even in Asia. actually when i made friends of mine in HK guess which of my parents was non-Asian, responses split pretty much down the middle.

with Asian-Americans guys it seems to make a big deal whether it's your mother or father who is Asian. can't say it's made too much of a difference with girls though.

[BeTheReds]

Originally posted by AliBabaIncorporated@Feb 10 2003, 09:00 AM

with Asian-Americans guys it seems to make a big deal whether it's your mother or father who is Asian. can't say it's made too much of a difference with girls though.
I don't agree with that. I think with most Asian Americans it comes down to how asian you look.

[kimpossible]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Feb 10 2003, 12:02 AM
do you think there is a difference in how well hapas may be accepted in asia depending on whether your father or your mother is asian? where i'm going with this is that, knowing that asian cultures are very patriarchal, do you think that hapas with asian fathers are more accepted than hapas with asian mothers? and i'm asking this in terms of the experience in asia, or how well accepted you are amongst FOBs in america. with asian americans, i'm assuming the issue doesn't make much difference because they have pretty americanised views.
bare with me.  

*slap* NO!

Re: the rest of your what you said. Yes. I've actually thought about this before back when someone asked something about if I would consider them Asian or not. Think it might have been Hiroshi. Anyhow, my thoughts on this ran along the lines of experiences with patriarchal lineage in Taiwan & Japan and also with some of the mixed people I've encountered both in US and abroad.

This is all in my opinion, but my conclusion was the people most likely to accepted as Asian in Asia out of our little YW group are blkazngirl, Yuhei and BTR because they are the children of foreign born Asian (not AA) men. Possibly Yuhei and BTR even more so because they are male children. On the other hand, blkazngirl speaks Mandarin and looks Chinese. So on that point, I agree with what BTR says; how Asian you look matters greatly.

[YuheiCarreau]

Basically, for the people you have little contact with and for first impressions, looks are the deciding factor. Later on you can impress them with your social and language skills, but by that time they're judging you by who you are as a person (hopefully) and not by who your daddy is.

[BeTheReds]

Originally posted by YuheiCarreau@Feb 10 2003, 05:20 PM
Basically, for the people you have little contact with and for first impressions, looks are the deciding factor. Later on you can impress them with your social and language skills, but by that time they're judging you by who you are as a person (hopefully) and not by who your daddy is.
Also keep in mind that whenever you have a disagreement with an Asian person that you're always gonna be white no matter who your parents are.

[contra_diction]

my dad's the white one in my family, but people have no idea until i tell them. for those that knew when i lived in Korea, i felt they didn't care. I don't know if it was his just his the charisma he carries, or his eagerness to learn and participate in the host country's culture, but no one seemed to mind, we were well accepted.

[BeTheReds]

Originally posted by contra_diction@Feb 12 2003, 08:16 AM
my dad's the white one in my family, but people have no idea until i tell them. for those that knew when i lived in Korea, i felt they didn't care. I don't know if it was his just his the charisma he carries, or his eagerness to learn and participate in the host country's culture, but no one seemed to mind, we were well accepted.
Wow! What a contradiction!

Yea more times than not its all about the peopel you meet.

[AliBabaIncorporated]

Originally posted by BeTheReds@Feb 12 2003, 02:17 AM
Also keep in mind that whenever you have a disagreement with an Asian person that you're always gonna be white no matter who your parents are.
yes, this is why i never discuss politics in person.

[contra_diction]

Originally posted by BeTheReds@Feb 13 2003, 12:47 AM
Wow! What a contradiction!

Yea more times than not its all about the peopel you meet.
haha, i know, huh. Guess we got lucky. i stayed in Tae Gu.