Cardinal rules for husbands

[Broomer]

I've also been one to document things I've learnt, so I'm building a quick list. Not sure how this will work out. Contribution in point form appreciated.

BTW, It's not in stone but may come in handy to keep in mind.

Here goes...

1) Regardless of who's fault it is really, to your wife, it will always be your fault
2) Under no circumstances do you SMS your wife's friends, regardless of how innocent the message may be. It will be considered to be cheating
3) If going OS, start out with a luggage half empty and two back packs. More often then not, by the time you come home, you would be lugging an additional two luggage plus additional bags.
4) You may be the king of the Castle, however she is the Queen of something else more powerful
5) If you want to keep things simple, avoid anything to do with kids below the age of two. Kids two and above are ok.
6) Know when her time of the month is. This is a survival tip.
7) Shutting up and smiling is the best thing to do around the in laws. Volunteering for jobs helps this and gives you extra brownie points with the missus.
8) Learn to filter out what she is saying and process this information quickly. You will be tested. This is a survival tip.

Anyone else got any?

Ka.

[Craig]

What reason would you have to SMS your wife's friend(s) (unless explicitly instructed by your wife, i.e. She's going to be late, her cell battery is out, use this other number, etc.) ?

I can see a potential reason for answering your wife's IM, or something ... Wife is asleep / busy / in the shower / etc., I'll tell her you are trying to contact her when she's available, etc.

[tommyhtown]

#7 can backfire on you. First, it will become your job to do so-and-so. Your own parents may give you a hard time for volunteering on stuffs that you never do for you own folks. Last, keep volunteering so easily and she will take you for granted.

[Broomer]

What reason would you have to SMS your wife's friend(s) (unless explicitly instructed by your wife, i.e. She's going to be late, her cell battery is out, use this other number, etc.) ?

I can see a potential reason for answering your wife's IM, or something ... Wife is asleep / busy / in the shower / etc., I'll tell her you are trying to contact her when she's available, etc.

It was just to let my wife know what I was doing. I knew my wife never switches on her phone so I figured at the time to text her friend which was easier. Bad move.

#7 can backfire on you. First, it will become your job to do so-and-so. Your own parents may give you a hard time for volunteering on stuffs that you never do for you own folks. Last, keep volunteering so easily and she will take you for granted.

Hmmm good point. The list does need work. In that came just shutting up and smiling might be better.

Personally, I prefer the good old days where you just ride up to the village, throw the girl over your horse, kill the in laws and that ride back to your hide out.

What happened to those days?

Ka.

[tommyhtown]

#8 is impossible. There ain't no way you can understand your wife so #1 must be appplied thru out the relationship.

[Arex]

My wife's own personal rule #1, and probably universally applicable: wifey is always right.

[snailpoo]

9. You have to attone for whatever it is you did in her dream. Hope it was worth it.

[Broomer]

#8 is impossible. There ain't no way you can understand your wife so #1 must be appplied thru out the relationship.

I need to re-word this rule a bit. It's more an emphasis on listen to what she is saying but filtering out for important keywords that may mean, in the next month, you'll have to sell your kidney to pay for it.

Or whether you've been invited to a party of someone you don't like and you've just got about five seconds to react or you're going.

That sort of thing. Input to how this could be phrased appreciated.

9. You have to attone for whatever it is you did in her dream. Hope it was worth it.

That's a pretty good one. I'm still paying for it now.

[tommyhtown]

I need to re-word this rule a bit. It's more an emphasis on listen to what she is saying but filtering out for important keywords that may mean, in the next month, you'll have to sell your kidney to pay for it.

Or whether you've been invited to a party of someone you don't like and you've just got about five seconds to react or you're going.

That sort of thing. Input to how this could be phrased appreciated.


I don't know how to phrase it better either. But for the example that you mentioned, lie, as in "oh really, I was hoping we can spend more time together that day." Basically, never say yes, or no until you know where the wind blows. It has worked very well for me in many relationships. But man so much work ....

All these rules and regulations with no loopholes. Itemized filing is much less painful. No wonder I stay single. Girlfriends are easier to deal with but no cake walk either. Ahhhh.. the unpredictability of women, I guess that's why I like them.

[Sunflare]

I don't know if I ever want to get married anymore, after reading this OP. Ever. Too much freaking drama. Too much rules. I hate rules.

I guess I'll never make a good husband because of it. Oh well.

[Broomer]

Make be the word "rules" is a bit strong. How about strategy instead?

Ka.

[tommyhtown]

Make be the word "rules" is a bit strong. How about strategy instead?

Ka.

I like that.

[popculturepooka]

I've also been one to document things I've learnt, so I'm building a quick list. Not sure how this will work out. Contribution in point form appreciated.

BTW, It's not in stone but may come in handy to keep in mind.

Here goes...

1) Regardless of who's fault it is really, to your wife, it will always be your fault
2) Under no circumstances do you SMS your wife's friends, regardless of how innocent the message may be. It will be considered to be cheating
3) If going OS, start out with a luggage half empty and two back packs. More often then not, by the time you come home, you would be lugging an additional two luggage plus additional bags.
4) You may be the king of the Castle, however she is the Queen of something else more powerful
5) If you want to keep things simple, avoid anything to do with kids below the age of two. Kids two and above are ok.
6) Know when her time of the month is. This is a survival tip.
7) Shutting up and smiling is the best thing to do around the in laws. Volunteering for jobs helps this and gives you extra brownie points with the missus.
8) Learn to filter out what she is saying and process this information quickly. You will be tested. This is a survival tip.

Anyone else got any?

Ka.

Not married yet, but I heard this picture is apt to describe marriage.

http://img456.imageshack.us/img456/6361/3131lkyq3.jpg

[Sunflare]

Not married yet, but I heard this picture is apt to describe marriage.

http://img456.imageshack.us/img456/6361/3131lkyq3.jpg

That's it. I've made up my mind. I'm remaining bachelor for life. Fuck that.

[Broomer]

Wondering if I could change the title to "Strategies" instead. Anyway, made some changes:

1) Regardless of who's fault it is really, to your wife, it will always be your fault
2) Under no circumstances do you SMS your wife's friends, regardless of how innocent the message may be. It will be considered to be cheating
3) If going OS, start out with a luggage half empty and two back packs. More often then not, by the time you come home, you would be lugging an additional two luggage plus additional bags.
4) You may be the king of the Castle, however she is the Queen of something else more powerful
5) If you want to keep things simple, avoid anything to do with kids below the age of two. Kids two and above are ok.
6) Know when her time of the month is. This is a survival tip.
7) Shutting up and smiling is the best thing to do around the in laws.
8) "Yes Dear" will get you out of most situation. However be careful using this. (Edited as it has been pointed that out that the original didn't make sense)
9) You have to attone for whatever it is you did in her dream. Hope it was worth it.(Thank you snailpoo)
10) If you end up being dragged to go shopping with your wife and her friends. Bring a book, or at least make sure your phone has some decent games on it.
11) Make sure you have two TVs. Trust me on this one.
12) Playing stupid at the right time can be extremely beneficial
13) Be weary of your in laws, some times they can be your friend and other times, your worst enemy.
14) Just be aware that anything you say, especially when it comes to money, will be recorded and used against you.

[eos]

oh good god. you wonder why wives and gfs act the way they do? it's cuz you geniuses post stuff like this up IN PUBLIC FOR ALL TO READ. *rolls eyes*

me: we're going to amy's party later. pick me up at 6.
bf: oh, but i thought we could spend some ti--
me: don't even. i'm one step ahead of you, like always. do this or NO SEX.
bf: 6, right?

[Sunflare]

That's why married guys have mistresses on the side to bypass that crap. Its not rocket science you know. :biggrin:

[eos]

you don't think mistresses will turn into the same thing?

*pokes your head* THINKTHINKTHINK.

"you don't spend enough time with me!!!"
"when will you leave your wife??"
"you love your wife more than me!!!!"

[Broomer]

That's why married guys have mistresses on the side to bypass that crap. Its not rocket science you know. :biggrin:

I'm not game to say what I wanna say but I reckon a lot of blokes here would know what I'm thinking about.

BTW, I thought this area was secret mens business.

Ka.

[Sunflare]

you don't think mistresses will turn into the same thing?

*pokes your head* THINKTHINKTHINK.

"you don't spend enough time with me!!!"
"when will you leave your wife??"
"you love your wife more than me!!!!"

That's where hookers come in. Duh.

[kimpossible]

we wives know how men think. and what they'll say with each other. it's what they do every day as husbands and fathers that's important. newlywed men need to explore their roles, makes sense of it. marriage is a very unnatural thing.

[Sunflare]

we wives know how men think. and what they'll say with each other. it's what they do every day as husbands and fathers that's important. newlywed men need to explore their roles, makes sense of it. marriage is a very unnatural thing.

I hear you. Unfortunately, many single men do not work towards planning for marriage while they are still single. It's no wonder, so many problems occur when they get involved in a serious relationship with a woman.

There are certain things men need to do in terms of improving on ones personality, good habits, and coping strategies that a man needs to learn if he is to get into an serious relationship leading to marriage.

Adaon brought up some excellent points in a post from another thread:

If anything, when I do get hit with those bouts of "Oh, why not me?" I realize a few things that I need/want to get done before the whole settling down thing anyways. And how, despite what I may think of myself, I MAY not be in as good a spot as I think I might be to chase the girl/type of girl I want.

I rounded out my hobbies (started including more hobbies that were interactive with people I can meet face to face), learned how to handle my shit better (cookin', cleanin', balancin' checkbook, toilet seat down, . . . . it's a never ending list of "training" [rolls eyes], but it's decent list of good habits), and just learning to be more comfortable in my skin, and changing what I'm not feelin' so hot about, even occasionally putting myself in the hotseat with friends (male and female, single and not) to get a 3rd person's perspective. From there, it's all selection.

That's the attitude to have. Men should use the time they have now to work on themselves and their lives so they can be more than ready to handle the responsibilities of marriage and eventually the responsibility of raising children.

[Adaon]

Adaon brought up some excellent points in a post from another thread:



That's the attitude to have. Men should use the time they have now to work on themselves and their lives so they can be more than ready to handle the responsibilities of marriage and eventually the responsibility of raising children.

Hey, uhh....you got some dirt on your nose.

[tommyhtown]

we wives know how men think. and what they'll say with each other. it's what they do every day as husbands and fathers that's important. newlywed men need to explore their roles, makes sense of it. marriage is a very unnatural thing.

Props to y'all. However, only the sensible ones believe that. Then again, men are guilty of expecting more as well.

[Broomer]

1) Regardless of who's fault it is really, to your wife, it will always be your fault
2) Under no circumstances do you SMS your wife's friends, regardless of how innocent the message may be. It will be considered to be cheating
3) If going OS, start out with a luggage half empty and two back packs. More often then not, by the time you come home, you would be lugging an additional two luggage plus additional bags.
4) You may be the king of the Castle, however she is the Queen of something else more powerful
5) If you want to keep things simple, avoid anything to do with kids below the age of two. Kids two and above are ok.
6) Know when her time of the month is. This is a survival tip.
7) Shutting up and smiling is the best thing to do around the in laws.
8) "Yes Dear" will get you out of most situation. However be careful using this. (Edited as it has been pointed that out that the original didn't make sense)
9) You have to attone for whatever it is you did in her dream. Hope it was worth it.(Thank you snailpoo)
10) If you end up being dragged to go shopping with your wife and her friends. Bring a book, or at least make sure your phone has some decent games on it.
11) Make sure you have two TVs. Trust me on this one.
12) Playing stupid at the right time can be extremely beneficial
13) Be weary of your in laws, some times they can be your friend and other times, your worst enemy.
14) Just be aware that anything you say, especially when it comes to money, will be recorded and used against you.
15) There's no such thing as secret men's business (based on the responses here)
16) If point eight fails, "Sorry" and "I love you", at the right time will save your bacon
17) Be friends with your florist. You'll need them.
18) Stay in shape, especially if you're after a long relationship (and life)

[Sunflare]

19) Don't get married.

[Adaon]

19) Don't get married.

Married men live longer and healthier. From an insurance stand point. :rolleyes:

[Sunflare]

OK. Let me revise that.

Only get married to a woman then if she's a millionare 90 year old hag about to kick the bucket. Then collect all her life insurance benefits and all her royalties.

Otherwise if not then let a single man live joyfully as dirty manwhore bachelor and be happy and free from the tribulation and torment of marriage.

Edit: Who the hell am I kidding? I'm going to fall into the same trap of marriage as every other man sooner or later. Its inevitable.

[Adaon]

^----Much like the turd that tries to escape from the bowels of one hell only to be sucked into the swirling waters of another gaping maw of porcelain and down into another set of bowels from hell. Such an optimistic view of male life. :rolleyes:

[Sunflare]

Your sarcastic metaphors has been getting real shitty as of late. . .

[Broomer]

OK. Let me revise that.

Only get married to a woman then if she's a millionare 90 year old hag about to kick the bucket. Then collect all her life insurance benefits and all her royalties.

Otherwise if not then let a single man live joyfully as dirty manwhore bachelor and be happy and free from the tribulation and torment of marriage.

Edit: Who the hell am I kidding? I'm going to fall into the same trap of marriage as every other man sooner or later. Its inevitable.

Mate, marriage is unavoidable as gastro, sooner or later you'll get ther urge.

Ka.