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Sunflare
02-02-2008, 05:32 PM
no, tell us how you *really* feel. ~pulls up chair~

Okay. ~pulls up chair~

This is how I *really* feel. This is going to be very wordy. . . .

I have nothing against IR relationships in itself, truthfully. Whether it may be WM/BM, WM/AF, or an AM/BF relationship or whatever the case may be. I think the variety in IR relationships are truly a beautiful thing.

Futhermore, really, everybody, including AF's, has the right to date whoever they choose to date, we are all humans with the same aspirations, hopes, and desires to be genuinely happy, to want to be loved.

What annoys me however is this: The fact that there is a major IR disparity problem between WM's and AF's to the point it's almost impossible to ignore or bear.

Speaking for myself, everytime I walk out the door to hang out, or turn on the TV, or crack open a magazine or scan through a newspaper, I'm bombarded with this perception or bad vibe that all women needs to date or marry white to be successful in life, when that is not so and a fucking straight up lie.

:sigh: Many of my AF friends warned me about letting stuff like this get to me. They know that I try hard but sometimes I fail miserably not to let myself fall to the same level that some of these *true* racists are on.

I am close with a number of AF's that I personally know. They dated white guys before - - - but I don't hold it against them particularly. We had discussions where things like this was touched upon, but I really don't scorn them for it. As hard as it is, I really do try to listen to their concerns. I love them all even still, and they all care about me still, even though I spill negative vibes sometimes. (You all know who you are ! :blows kisses: :luv: :luv:)

Why the only place that I really talk about this is on this site. (This is a race relations forum, after all, so I take advantage of it to vent when I need to before I let my anger get the better of me.)

But any female who truely meets me in person really likes me because I treat them like sweethearts. They see that I'm not just trying to get between their legs, but that I am concerned about them as individuals. I am not lying. this is true about me.

I met many AF's who tried to date BM's with bad results. No, not because of their boyfriends - - these black men really treated them with lots of love, dignity and respect --- but becase they are treated so badly by their extended families and by the public in general. Many of these couples break up and can't maintain their relationships because the racism they experience as Blasian couples is usually too intense. The relationships fail since they were unprepared for it.

I dated AF's in the past myself with bad results. Same reasons. We didnt know how to cope with the negative stigma that we recieved from these dumbfucks out there. It was heartbreaking.

Dirty looks, insolent remarks, rejection from family, etc.

So how do I *really* feel ? Esaperated and divided upon two opposing views. One part of me wants to be cool with this IR dating disparity problem and live with it on a positive note, but another part of me is still bitter, negative and resentful over the IR dating disparity problem that exists and continues to get worse, and not better.

I guess you might not be able to relate fully as an AF. I respect that, I can't blame you for it. Many of my AF friends can't understand it too well themselves, and I try not to hold it against them. I've been rather successful.

Enough of my ramblings. This is truely a beaten to death subject. I really enjoy the comments given by you guys on this forum. Which is why I am here and not with the losers on ModelMinority.com.

Any positive/negative feedback well appreciated my me.

kimpossible
02-02-2008, 05:55 PM
I suppose this'll stoke the fires but perhaps I should own up to my goof first. It wasn't to add to the dating out dead horse I just thought they looked weird together. And well, maybe I was a little surprised. Maybe I shouldn't have posted the pic. Anyhow.

But as to the dating disparity, as I understand it the disparity is not between Asian women dating white men vs. black men but that Asian women are dating white men and black men (and any other non-Asian) vs. Asian men. So maybe the argument isn't so much about the gender disparity between Asian men and women dating out, but when Asian women do date non-Asian it's usually white men?

For what it's worth, two eurasian guys here have told us plenty of stories of getting shit from Asian guys when they date Asian girls in the US. I believe one had bottles thrown at him by Asian guys while they yelled "Asiaphile". On the other hand, I'm neither blasian nor male so I'll take your word on it and put my listening ears on.

Sunflare
02-02-2008, 06:02 PM
I suppose this'll stoke the fires but perhaps I should own up to my goof first. It wasn't to add to the dating out dead horse I just thought they looked weird together. And well, maybe I was a little surprised. Maybe I shouldn't have posted the pic. Anyhow

I'm not offended by your post at all. You did'nt invent the disparity problem, you are just touching upon it with this post. In fact, even as you are an Eurasian female yourself, I respect you very much. Your comments kick ass. You talk with a good heart and keep things positive. Props.

But as to the dating disparity, as I understand it the disparity is not between Asian women dating white men vs. black men but that Asian women are dating white men and black men (and any other non-Asian) vs. Asian men. So maybe the argument isn't so much about the gender disparity between Asian men and women dating out, but when Asian women do date non-Asian it's usually white men?

Yes. It's not exactly a gender issue. It's the fact that if AF's date at all it's usually with white guys. It's very rare to see Asian women date black guys and really progress to the point of marriage and have children. That's what I have a hard time with.

Many AM's fuck me up with words because of the times I dated AF's or my interests in possibly dating them in the future, cause they are fustrated and angry. But you know what? I take my lumps and deal with my Asian brothers humbly. I can relate to their fustration.

For what it's worth, two eurasian guys here have told us plenty of stories of getting shit from Asian guys when they date Asian girls in the US. I believe one had bottles thrown at him by Asian guys while they yelled "Asiaphile". On the other hand, I'm neither blasian nor male so I'll take your word on it and put my listening ears on.

On a Blasian forum I've read about this Afro-American who was spat upon and slapped in the face by his mother in law and had a gun poined to his head by his father in law because he of his wife who is Korean American. They broke up several times because they were struggling with the negativety and racism they experienced from in laws. His poor wife went through many sleepless nights in tears but they survived.

On this same forum, another AF came on this site pleading for help because she was suicidal. It was that bad, the racism she had to put up with because of her. . . and her husband's . . . . Black and Asian family members alike. . immediate and extended families.

True stories:

http://groups.msn.com/BlackAsianFamilieswithChildren/general.msnw?action=get_message&mview=0&ID_Message=2328&LastModified=4675647525607039996

http://groups.msn.com/BlackAsianFamilieswithChildren/general.msnw?action=get_message&mview=0&ID_Message=2030&LastModified=4675641032875336995

I'm not offended by your post at all. You did'nt invent the disparity problem, you are just touching upon it with this post. In fact, even as you are an Eurasian female yourself, I respect you very much. Your comments kick ass. You talk with a good heart and keep things positive. Props.



Yes. It's not exactly a gender issue. It's the fact that if AF's date at all it's usually with white guys. It's very rare to see Asian women date black guys and really progress to the point of marriage and have children. That's what I have a hard time with.

Many AM's fuck me up with words because of the times I dated AF's or my interests in possibly dating them in the future, cause they are fustrated and angry. But you know what? I take my lumps and deal with my Asian brothers humbly. I can relate to their fustration.



On a Blasian forum I've read about this Afro-American who was spat upon and slapped in the face by his mother in law and had a gun poined to his head by his father in law because he of his wife who is Korean American. They broke up several times because they were struggling with the negativety and racism they experienced from in laws. His poor wife went through many sleepless nights in tears but they survived.

On this same forum, another AF came on this site pleading for help because she was suicidal. It was that bad, the racism she had to put up with because of her. . . and her husband's . . . . Black and Asian family members alike. . immediate and extended families.

True stories:

http://groups.msn.com/BlackAsianFamilieswithChildren/general.msnw?action=get_message&mview=0&ID_Message=2328&LastModified=4675647525607039996

http://groups.msn.com/BlackAsianFamilieswithChildren/general.msnw?action=get_message&mview=0&ID_Message=2030&LastModified=4675641032875336995

There's even another account of a woman who was under pressure from her parents to have a abortion because te unborn child is Afro-Asian. The dumbfuck father then split on her which made things even worse. She eventually had the abortion. It's somewhere on this forum.

Blasian families truely go through sum fucked up shit. It's not even funny.

^ Pardon the double post. I guess all you guys can see I have a hard time talking about this subject by now.

kimpossible
02-02-2008, 08:51 PM
In an effort to keep conversation going, I'm probably going to split off here. One, I think this is perfect hapa forum material. Two, I think the hapas and monoracial Asians will be talking apples and oranges when it comes to the term "dating disparity". Because in the media the true unicorn sighting is an Asian American couple.

CC, I'm going to prune and move your posts to give you the floor and talk as openly and as long as you want and need to. Let me or the hapa mods know if there is a particular topic title you'd like. For now I'll put a temp title "Blasian family issues" until you put a name to it.

This thread was moved from http://forums.yellowworld.org/showthread.php?t=34297. I'm not married to the title folks. Got a better one say so and I or hapa mods will update it.