"How interesting!"

[Elizabeth A.]

This never used to bother me, but it does now.

When I meet somebody, a question that I am almost always asked is "What are you?" or "What ethnicity are you?" or something along those lines. When I tell them, it suddenly becomes the focus of the conversation. "That's so interesting!" And then come the platitudes: "The best of both worlds/ You have two cultures to draw on" and the "Do you speak [insert whatever language here]?" It's as if there's nothing to me but my ethnicity. I used to find the attention almost flattering, but lately it seems more like "You would be boring if you were just white or just Indian, but since you're mixed you're interesting".

I find it rather exasperating.

[YuheiCarreau]

Yeah, that happens to me a lot. But then so much of my history needs explaining... "I was born in Hong Kong... No I'm not Chinese. No, I'm Japanese and American / White. Yeah, I went to school in England for a year. In Cambridge. No, not that Cambridge..." blah blah blah ;)

Is it just me, or is this turning into the Hapa whining forum :D ?

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by YuheiCarreau@Dec 6 2002, 12:18 AM
Yeah, that happens to me a lot. But then so much of my history needs explaining... "I was born in Hong Kong... No I'm not Chinese. No, I'm Japanese and American / White. Yeah, I went to school in England for a year. In Cambridge. No, not that Cambridge..." blah blah blah ;)

Is it just me, or is this turning into the Hapa whining forum :D ?
hehheh well i have to agree that your history is interesting.

[BeTheReds]

Well it never becomes the focus of the conversation in my case until people find out that my pops is Asian and then the questioning appears. Like wow, how did they meet? Or.. wow, he must be rich...

Brush it aside. The people are just trying to make conversation.

Change the subject if it annoys you that much.

[Craig]

Originally posted by BeTheReds@Dec 6 2002, 01:53 AM
until people find out that my pops is Asian and then the questioning appears. Like wow, how did they meet? Or.. wow, he must be rich...
It's lovely that so many people make the assumption that Asian males are unattractive and that the only way he could get a White wife is if he was rich.

[kimchee63]

My wife is European American, I'm 2nd gen Korean. Our 3 year old daughter (Grace) is a blend of her parent's features. But when my wife goes to the grocery store with Grace, everyone assumes that Grace is adopted. If I'm standing next to Grace, everyone assumes she's my biological daughter. This drives me and my wife nuts. What is the hapa perspective on this situation? Or rather, how does this make you feel?

[kimchee63]

Originally posted by Elizabeth A.@Dec 5 2002, 08:52 PM
This never used to bother me, but it does now.

When I meet somebody, a question that I am almost always asked is "What are you?" or "What ethnicity are you?" or something along those lines. When I tell them, it suddenly becomes the focus of the conversation. "That's so interesting!" And then come the platitudes: "The best of both worlds/ You have two cultures to draw on" and the "Do you speak [insert whatever language here]?" It's as if there's nothing to me but my ethnicity. I used to find the attention almost flattering, but lately it seems more like "You would be boring if you were just white or just Indian, but since you're mixed you're interesting".

I find it rather exasperating.
I think I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel like I've been appointed ambassador for all Asian people.

[YuheiCarreau]

Originally posted by kimchee63@Dec 6 2002, 01:49 AM
My wife is European American, I'm 2nd gen Korean.  Our 3 year old daughter (Grace) is a blend of her parent's features.  But when my wife goes to the grocery store with Grace, everyone assumes that Grace is adopted.  If I'm standing next to Grace, everyone assumes she's my biological daughter.  This drives me and my wife nuts.  What is the hapa perspective on this situation?  Or rather, how does this make you feel?
This is going to happen a lot. People will stop bothering you about it once she gets old enough to understand words like 'adopted', but until then complete strangers will walk up to your wife and bug her about it. It happened to my mother all the time.

Something else that might happen to her is that people will ask if you make her walk three steps behind you and stuff like that. This has happened to my mom and a (White) friend whose boyfriend is Japanese,and it's even dumber; because not only is it a stupid stereotype, but usually the person asking is White and only speaks up because your wife is White too; like if she was Asian and you beat her or whatever it wouldn't matter.

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by kimchee63@Dec 6 2002, 02:49 AM
My wife is European American, I'm 2nd gen Korean.  Our 3 year old daughter (Grace) is a blend of her parent's features.  But when my wife goes to the grocery store with Grace, everyone assumes that Grace is adopted.  If I'm standing next to Grace, everyone assumes she's my biological daughter.  This drives me and my wife nuts.  What is the hapa perspective on this situation?  Or rather, how does this make you feel?
would you say that your daughter has more asian features than european features though? i mean maybe they just think this because your daughter can pass for non-mixed asian?

[Hiroshi2]

Originally posted by Elizabeth A.@Dec 5 2002, 08:52 PM
This never used to bother me, but it does now.

When I meet somebody, a question that I am almost always asked is "What are you?" or "What ethnicity are you?" or something along those lines. When I tell them, it suddenly becomes the focus of the conversation. "That's so interesting!" And then come the platitudes: "The best of both worlds/ You have two cultures to draw on" and the "Do you speak [insert whatever language here]?" It's as if there's nothing to me but my ethnicity. I used to find the attention almost flattering, but lately it seems more like "You would be boring if you were just white or just Indian, but since you're mixed you're interesting".

I find it rather exasperating.
Yup that happens to me too, but like you I feel a bit confused: was that some sort of weird compliment or should i worry that you won't see me as a real person, but rather than half-asian kid or whatever?

[kimchee63]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Dec 6 2002, 06:27 AM
would you say that your daughter has more asian features than european features though? i mean maybe they just think this because your daughter can pass for non-mixed asian?
Good question. I posted a few pics of Grace in the Friends and Family photo album section. She's clearly got some Asian in her, and her hair is a very dark brown, almost black in some lighting. She's just a beatiful kid, I think, and it pisses me off that she's going to get subjected to all this shit.

[YuheiCarreau]

Originally posted by kimchee63@Dec 7 2002, 12:57 AM
Good question. I posted a few pics of Grace in the Friends and Family photo album section. She's clearly got some Asian in her, and her hair is a very dark brown, almost black in some lighting. She's just a beatiful kid, I think, and it pisses me off that she's going to get subjected to all this shit.
Oh well, everyone gets teased for something. Red hair, braces, overweight, Tourrets, biracial, whatever. As long as she knows how much her parents love each other, she'll turn out OK. I had a lot of problems fitting in with both Whites and Asians, but because my parents always showed us kids how much they loved each other and how they shared their cultures equally I never once wished to not be biracial and i never stopped trying to make those cultures come together inside of me. Some of the biracial people I've met before, in person and online, it seems that the culture balance was off in their parents' relationship or that their parents never really learned to bridge the cultural gap (just found various ways of ignoring it)... Usually those people are the most insecure about this stuff. If you and your wife are comfortable talking about this stuff with each other then it shouldn't be too hard to talk to her about it.

P.S. - "She's a beautiful kid, I think"? If that was me I'd give you a kick in the shins :P

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by kimchee63@Dec 7 2002, 01:57 AM
Good question.  I posted a few pics of Grace in the Friends and Family photo album section.  She's clearly got some Asian in her, and her hair is a very dark brown, almost black in some lighting.  She's just a beatiful kid, I think, and it pisses me off that she's going to get subjected to all this shit.
your daughter is adorable!
hmm if i saw her i'd probably think she was mixed. but then again i'm asian. who knows what white people that haven't had much exposure to other races might think? i think it might also depend on your wife's features. does she have dark brown hair or very light colored hair?
but anyway, yeah i guess it's unavoidable, reactions like that. i think to a certain degree it's understandable. what really pisses me off is that i've heard stories about how asian mothers of mixed children were assumed to be the babysitters or housekeepers. :angry: :angry: :angry:

[blkjade]

I'm not a HAPA, but I do get tired of the "Wow you're Black, your speak Chinese and your bf is Chinese too" comment. *Like all Black people are limited to Ebonics and rappers"

The altimate is when they ask you to say something in Chinese. I smile and call them a F**king A**hole in Chinese. Their response is,"what did you say" My reply, "It's a nice day"

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by blkjade@Dec 7 2002, 05:43 PM
I'm not a HAPA, but I do get tired of the "Wow you're Black, your speak Chinese and your bf is Chinese too" comment. *Like all Black people are limited to Ebonics and rappers"

The altimate is when they ask you to say something in Chinese. I smile and call them a F**king A**hole in Chinese. Their response is,"what did you say" My reply, "It's a nice day"
how much chinese do you know? have you been with your bf for a long time now?

[Hiroshi2]

Well, i have to admit it's interesting seeing a black woman who can speak chinese (or any asian language for that matter). But i can understand exactly what you mean about people who think it's "interesting" that you cross certain cultural lines. Don't worry about it.

[kimpossible]

I had an experience where I ran into a missionary's daughter from Japan. She was blonde haired and blue eyed and she thought it was the coolest thing to be mixed Japanese. She actually said she wished she were me because it would be so much cooler.

My reaction was "Really? Would you have liked to been kicked in the stomach and called a gook? Would that have been cool?"

Ah, the Asian fad will pass. I've seen public interest in Asians come and go. Right now we're cool. Give it some time and one day it won't be so fascinating.

[kimpossible]

My wife is European American, I'm 2nd gen Korean. Our 3 year old daughter (Grace) is a blend of her parent's features. But when my wife goes to the grocery store with Grace, everyone assumes that Grace is adopted. If I'm standing next to Grace, everyone assumes she's my biological daughter. This drives me and my wife nuts. What is the hapa perspective on this situation? Or rather, how does this make you feel?

Dunno if you'll like my advice, but I try to be a realist. I think your wife is going to continue to get the stupid questions. Hell, I'm a hapa and I think I'm going to get those stupid questions. No one thinks my husband and I are married. Guess he looks too fobby or something. Shit, maybe it's my red hair and general honkiness.

Anyhow. I already got a line cooked up for the kooky ppl I'm bound to run into. Tell her to feel free to use this:

Person: "Oh you have an Chinese baby!!! Where did you get him/her?"

Me: "My husband's penis."

[thaite]

Right now we're cool. Give it some time and one day it won't be so fascinating.

See, that's the funny thing, HH. I'm not seeing any 'hapas are cool' thing going on anywhere where I'm at.

[kimpossible]

See, that's the funny thing, HH. I'm not seeing any 'hapas are cool' thing going on anywhere where I'm at.

Sorry, I meant anything Asian in general there. Anime, HK flicks, dim sum... pop culture icons that are hip right now.

However, I would argue that hapa looks are in. I've seen precious few Asian comic book characters drawn to look like actual Asians. Same for anime or video games. Or the beauty pagent winners for the Asian countries.

And, I've encountered many people that express sentiments about wanting mixed babies. Lessee, I think I lasted about 3 minutes on the Eurasian Nation forums because I ran into a statement that eurasian babies are the cutest and look like adorable little puppies... my close friends (lesbian couple) asked me if they could use my husband's sperm to have children because they thought they would be exotic and gorgeous... my dentist uses the time she has me in the chair to hold me hostage and rant about how mixed Asian babies are prettier...

edit: oh and I forgot these quasi-step siblings I have. one is obssessed with Japanese stuff and thought being part Japanese was cool

[AliBabaIncorporated]

EA Nation? I always felt like the lone ranting nut over there. Getting into a flame war within a day of joining didn't help either. ;)

To be honest I'm not too surprised that people wanna talk to mixed-race people about what race they are and how cool it is. Not cuz I actually think it is interesting or helps much in getting to know who I am. But because it's quite a superficial topic which doesn't require any thought processing on either side of the conversation, but still feels kinda deep and fuzzily heart-warming in a "Hey, I'm really getting to know this guy" kinda way. It helps that American society emphasizes race and ethnicity to the extent of ignorance of other important stuff such as religion, language, or culture.

Besides there's always gonna be some mixed-race kid who is too lazy to engage in self-development to make himself interesting, and will instead just endlessly play up the fact that his parents' ancestors came from two different continents, to score some cheap "oohs" and "ahhs," especially when flirting and looking to fill a silence in the conversation with some new BS.

[SunWuKong]

my close friends (lesbian couple) asked me if they could use my husband's sperm to have children because they thought they would be exotic and gorgeous



hahhahah!!!! what did mr. HH think about that???

[YuheiCarreau]

To be honest I'm not too surprised that people wanna talk to mixed-race people about what race they are and how cool it is. Not cuz I actually think it is interesting or helps much in getting to know who I am. But because it's quite a superficial topic which doesn't require any thought processing on either side of the conversation, but still feels kinda deep and fuzzily heart-warming in a "Hey, I'm really getting to know this guy" kinda way. It helps that American society emphasizes race and ethnicity to the extent of ignorance of other important stuff such as religion, language, or culture.

That's so true. Pretty much every conversation I have with strangers is like, "You're biracial? Wow, good for you! I wish I were biracial"; usually the person saying that is the kind who objectifies other cultures, picking and choosing icons and values from them without a clear understanding of their meaning, and sees being biracial / bicultural as a way of legitimizing that activity.

[kimchee63]

Person: "Oh you have an Chinese baby!!! Where did you get him/her?"

Me: "My husband's penis."

That is very very funny. This kind of thing always happens when we're shopping at Fred Meyer*. I don't have the nerve to say something like this, but my wife will. I'll let you know what happens. Hopefully she won't do it when I'm around.

(*to you non-Pacific NW types, Fred Meyer is a local grocery store chain)

[Hiroshi2]

Yep, i know what you mean yuheicarreau. I've had some people (mostly blacks and white girls) who say, "oh that's so cool that you're part japanese.", or something like that. But i never take such comments seriously, for some of these people i'm the closest thing to an asian person that they've ever met, so i guess that makes me (i hate to use this term) *exotic* to a degree. But even for those who have asian friends or whatever, they still cannot relate to my experiences one bit. So like i said, i always take such comments rather lightly.

[BeTheReds]

You know, I don't get it.. I echoed the same sentiment in an earlier thread and everyone totally didn't agree with me at all. Now everyone has the same point of view I had, and everyone totally agrees with it.

AGh..

Maybe cuz the thread was in sex & Relationships and not in hapas.. Cuz the majority of the people posting in here on this thread are us mixed ppl.

[blkjade]

I was in my first year of Mandarin when I met him. We've been together going on 3 years now. If anything it's my tones that need work. My bf only will only speak it on occassion. He says that he needs to practice on his english more. So i'm left to studying on my own at times.

[kimpossible]

Originally posted by blkjade@Dec 13 2002, 07:15 PM
I was in my first year of Mandarin when I met him. We've been together going on 3 years now. If anything it's my tones that need work. My bf only will only speak it on occassion. He says that he needs to practice on his english more. So i'm left to studying on my own at times.
He might also think your Mandarin is cute if it isn't perfect. It turns my husband on that I have to struggle in Mandarin and make weird sentences. Why, I'm not sure but men do a lot of weird shit so I don't question a lot of it.

Say some playful sex talk to him sometime. *grRRRr*

[tapestrybabe]

yeah, when ppl learn that i dont speak Korean...
i sometimes get asked all sorts of questions...
like when did i come to america.. why didnt your parents teach you...
and than i mention that my parents are actually white... and than that becomes the focus of conversation-- thats so interesting... etc... etc... and than they start asking me more questions...

and yes, it can feel rather exasperating...
sometimes i dont mind tho... and i like to share such information...
but than other times i dont want to bother... like... its really none of their business...