Ladies: how do you show interest?

[Hiroshi2]

This is purely out of curiosity. I had a girlfriend earlier this year but we broke up...............and then another girl came into my life. Well actually I've known for about a year but she always had a boyfriend. She called me one night, I went over to her place, and we had a nice little conversation, actually it was the best conversation I've had in quite some time. It's like I knew this girl, but never REALLY knew her until then. And since that night, we've been spending a lot of time together. That was about six or seven weeks ago, now it feels funny when we go more than a day or two without talking for at least an hour or so, and this is in spite of our very busy schedules (work, full time school, extracurricular activities for both of us, etc). So with that being said.................I'm about 80-90% sure she feels as strongly about me as I do about her. We get into arguments sometimes but it's never anything that pisses us off to the point to where we don't want to see each other again. We've never really been out on a date per se, just out to football games and IHOP a couple of times. I haven't felt this strongly about a girl in a long time (maybe even since high school) despite the fact that I've had two girlfriends since high school. I REALLY want this girl and we really do seem very compatible and I'm very comfortable around her, but for some reason there's this doubt in my mind that she feels the same way. She says she enjoys being single and is tired of relationships, plus I can't help but think about the fact that I"m only an average looking guy, but this girl is fine as hell. Guys are always trying to get at her, and when they see me with her, they pull me over to the side and act impressed that I'm with her, as if she's a trophy (I really don't like that and I know she hates that kind of thing).



Anyway, what do you all think? She never really tries to hug me or any other physical signs of attraction, at the most she'll gently touch me during conversation when she's laughing. Maybe that's why I doubt that she feels that way about me, because she doesn't really express it physically, who knows.


Anyway i'm just curious - how DO most women express attraction and interest in a man in a situation like this? I've always more or less gambled and sometimes I win, but many other times I lose. I just wonder if there's any surefire or nearly surefire ways of telling that she's interested (i'd hate to tell her how I feel and get hit with that "oh i just see you as a friend shit").

[teamliquid]

She probably thinks you're gay.

[Noodles]

I would try to test and see how she feels about you before you make any moves that might ruin your current relationship with her. Maybe try showing interest in other females in front of her and see how she reacts to it.

[Hiroshi2]

^ LOL


@teamliquid -


I'm confused. What would make her think I'm gay?

[Azn Retribution]

This is purely out of curiosity. I had a girlfriend earlier this year but we broke up...............and then another girl came into my life. Well actually I've known for about a year but she always had a boyfriend. She called me one night, I went over to her place, and we had a nice little conversation, actually it was the best conversation I've had in quite some time. It's like I knew this girl, but never REALLY knew her until then. And since that night, we've been spending a lot of time together. That was about six or seven weeks ago, now it feels funny when we go more than a day or two without talking for at least an hour or so, and this is in spite of our very busy schedules (work, full time school, extracurricular activities for both of us, etc). So with that being said.................I'm about 80-90% sure she feels as strongly about me as I do about her. We get into arguments sometimes but it's never anything that pisses us off to the point to where we don't want to see each other again. We've never really been out on a date per se, just out to football games and IHOP a couple of times. I haven't felt this strongly about a girl in a long time (maybe even since high school) despite the fact that I've had two girlfriends since high school. I REALLY want this girl and we really do seem very compatible and I'm very comfortable around her, but for some reason there's this doubt in my mind that she feels the same way. She says she enjoys being single and is tired of relationships, plus I can't help but think about the fact that I"m only an average looking guy, but this girl is fine as hell. Guys are always trying to get at her, and when they see me with her, they pull me over to the side and act impressed that I'm with her, as if she's a trophy (I really don't like that and I know she hates that kind of thing).



Anyway, what do you all think? She never really tries to hug me or any other physical signs of attraction, at the most she'll gently touch me during conversation when she's laughing. Maybe that's why I doubt that she feels that way about me, because she doesn't really express it physically, who knows.


Anyway i'm just curious - how DO most women express attraction and interest in a man in a situation like this? I've always more or less gambled and sometimes I win, but many other times I lose. I just wonder if there's any surefire or nearly surefire ways of telling that she's interested (i'd hate to tell her how I feel and get hit with that "oh i just see you as a friend shit").

she doesnt think your gay.
but unconsciously she doesnt see you as a guy.

You've been "Friend zoned" or thrown on the friends ladder.

She might have wanted your nuts in the beginning. but you never made a move.

She sees you like one of her girlfriends.

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/images/womansladder.jpg

Hope it helps.
So either try to make the jump. or give up. cuz you ain't getting in her pants. (This is especially indicated by the lack of physical contact. girls are touchy feely with guys they are really into.)

[applehead]

i think if you have to ask.
then it's a bad sign.

a lot of women are just touchy during conversations,
in general.
be brave and just ask her out.
what's so bad about hearing her say i just want to be friends?

[applehead]

on a second thought.
don't listen to me.
i truly think i give THE worst dating advice.

[applehead]

sorry. i repeated myself four times!!

[Hiroshi2]

i think if you have to ask.
then it's a bad sign.

a lot of women are just touchy during conversations,
in general.
be brave and just ask her out.
what's so bad about hearing her say i just want to be friends?




You know the answer to that one, it's obvious.


BTW................today I talked to her for about two hours, and during the conversation she talked about her ex-boyfriend and whatnot. And she told me about how she almost always tells her "male friends" when she's interested in "that way". And yet, she also told me about another time when she cut a guy loose because he didn't let her know if he liked her, and she didn't like the "pain of not knowing."


Is she just confused or something or am I missing something here?

[TB4000]

Man, all this time we've been discussing the female gender over the years and you still end up in the friend zone? Come on, brah.

[eos]

looks like someone needs to enroll in my "snap out of it, you asshole" program. ask Banana....he can vouch for me.

[Hiroshi2]

Actually I don't think I'm in the friend zone. I think I'm in the confused zone.



Everyone else I talked to said that they were confused by her. And that makes sense, because she constantly contradicts herself. She says she's direct and upfront about everything yet when I talk to her she constantly says things as subtle as possible. She's the kind of girl who actually never gives a straight answer to a straight question, as a matter of fact many times she responds with a question.


Anybody ever seen "Deliver Us from Eva"? This girl reminds me a LOT of Gabrielle Union's character. Seriously. At the end of the day I have a feeling she likes to be in control. I think that's where all of this ultimately comes from, the fact that she likes to control the tempo of any relationship she's in. Problem is, I'm that way too and I don't like to give in and let a girl control a relationship.


In any case, she seems to be.....................a challenge. But I don't give in easily, and this girl is too attractive for me to do so. We'll see what the deal is when I talk to her later on. But don't write me off just yet, I really don't think I'm necessarily in the friend zone. I think more than anything she's just................different. It's like nothing I've learned from any girl I've been with before is helping me this time because she's.......................just not your average girl, know what I mean?



@ applehead -


About the touch thing.......................she also told me today that she doesn't like to get physical with a guy until she's "sure she's committed" to him. At first I thought "physical" meant sex, but she said later on she was talking about physical period, including kissing! I wonder what else does it include (hugs, holding, etc) because I remember giving her a hug a couple of times and both times she had this look on her face like, "OK what the hell are you doing" but said nothing, of course. I thought I was tripping the first time, the second time I thought, "well what did I do." But she didn't treat me any differently, or say anything, or even get upset. She didn't do or say anything. She just had the look, and that was it. Now that mentioned the whole "I don't get physical unless I'm committed" thing, it kind of makes sense. Kind of. Because I don't see giving a girl a hug as the slightest hint that I want to have sex; it's just casual and that's just what you do when most guys greet girls, just like most guys give dap or at least shake hands when they greet other guys, right? Same thing. I told her "well you know physical things like kissing are just expressions of how you feel" and she just wasn't buying it, she said it didn't matter and still held on to what she said before. But damn I mean, I never asked her about the hugging thing directly, but does she really get that touchy about people getting physical with her? I kind of understand if she does because she is a really good looking girl so I'm sure guys try to get frisky with her a lot, but still. I should've asked her about the hug thing because that really rubbed me the wrong way, I felt insulted.

[TB4000]

^And now you understand women.

[Hiroshi2]

^And now you understand women.




Yeah, life sucks. But I will not be denied! I'm hanging on for this ride. It might be worth it in the end.



BTW, no one's answered my original question yet. How do most women display romantic interest?

[eos]

personally, i just tell them. but that's just me. and i realize i am in the minority, which is STUPID. sorry, but it is. i for one have no time for games or beating around the bush. if i like someone, i tell them. if they do not feel the same, their loss. i ain't gonna cry about it.

[Hiroshi2]

Yeah I think I'm going to go ahead and make that move. Only thing is, since she spent two hours talking about ex-boyfriends or other guys who moved too fast for her, then that makes me want to hesitate and take things slow (even though I generally like to move fast). But, obviously you can't move too slow, and after yesterday I'm more sure than ever.


But two months seems like it's enough time to determine if you're interested in somebody or not. So yeah. Time to go ahead and make that move. As soon as I get done with this huge pile of schoolwork I have to do.

[TB4000]

If she says no, she says no. Get on a new horse and ride the shit out of it.

[cloudzero]

Yeah I think I'm going to go ahead and make that move. Only thing is, since she spent two hours talking about ex-boyfriends or other guys who moved too fast for her, then that makes me want to hesitate and take things slow (even though I generally like to move fast). But, obviously you can't move too slow, and after yesterday I'm more sure than ever.


But two months seems like it's enough time to determine if you're interested in somebody or not. So yeah. Time to go ahead and make that move. As soon as I get done with this huge pile of schoolwork I have to do.

2 months.....a long time? you gotta be kidding me

cuz if she doesn't know, u can still work on getting her romantic attention
once she knows, and it isnt mutual, then you can't work on it anymore because shes now 'watching out' for you

sorry man, just because girls on the board tell u to tell her doesn't mean its the thing to do

this is based on experience
if it turns out to be mutual then good for you

if it isn't and you told her, trust me, she won't change her mind once she finds out cuz that be like eating her own shit. come back on this board so i can laugh at you if this is what happens

[eos]

^ and just cuz YOU don't agree with the girls on this board doesn't mean hiroshi should listen to YOU either.

[TB4000]

Well, they say chicks with low self esteem are the easiest ones to get with. At least you know she's somewhat strong willed on her end. Godspeed, youngster.

[Hiroshi2]

Well I told her last night, and it turns out she didn't have the same feelings for me.


As a matter of fact, the whole thing went down in flames. Most girls in this situation would say something like, "well, I don't really see you that way, but you're still a good friend and a good guy and maybe you'll find a good girl" or something like that. Not her. I mean, she made it clear that she wasn't interested but then after that she started insulting me, basically. She said some things that really hurt me, I can't remember the last time someone said something so hurtful. I don't want to repeat it, but basically she made it seem like there was no way in hell she would want to be with me. It wasn't the "but I still see you as a good friend" speech. It was the "did you really think I would want to be with YOU?" speech.


I was completely shocked. I still don't understand how someone could spend so much time with you and seem to have so much fun and enjoy your company so much and still feel that way. I understand that she didn't have feelings for me but I can't believe she felt that way about me. I feel like I hate her now, and I don't know if I'll ever speak to her again.



I'm just so shocked. And hurt. The worst part about it is 1) she knew me well enough to say just the right things that would hurt me, and 2) because I cared about her so much, and thought so highly of her, her words hurt that much more. Had a stranger or someone I didn't know or care about said those things, i really wouldn't have gave a fuck. But she said it. And up until last night, I really did think she was the sweetest, most compassionate, understanding woman in the world. But now she just seems so cold-hearted. I didn't get a chance to say all of this last night because I was caught off guard and was so shocked I couldn't say anything and hurried up and got off the phone. If I see her again, I'll probably just go ahead and tell her how I feel, even if it is in the most inopportune time and/or place.


I mean, I understand she may have felt awkward. I understand that even if things had been broken off nicely, that it would've have changed the "relationship" forever and that things would never be the same. But I NEVER did anything to her to deserve that. As a person, I don't deserve that. Period. And she says she wants to be a counselor????? Are you fucking shitting me??? Of all things, a counselor who people turn to when they have problems, just like this one? Are you fucking shitting me???? I feel like I'm being punk'd or I'm on Hell Date or something.



I still can't believe this shit. It's like I don't even trust myself anymore. She really did seem like she liked me, AT LEAST as a friend. Hearing her talk last night, she just sounded like an enemy. I can't imagine falling in love with anyone right now. This looked so right, and everything felt so good and natural, and I really didn't expect shit to be this bad. But now, I really don't see myself even trying to hook up with a girl for awhile. For what? So I go through the whole masquerade of feeling like we're both into each other only to come back and hear some shit like this?


I can't believe I went from being so in love with her and feeling like she could do no wrong to hating her guts in like, an hour. That's all it took for my feelings to completely change about her.



I mean, seriously. Fuck women and fuck relationships. I'm going to the strip club this weekend.



BTW, cloudzero, telling her how I felt was the BEST thing that I could've done. It's like passing a kidney stone, the sooner you get it over, the better off you'll be. I would've hated to chase her for six months and wasting time and energy on her, not knowing that she felt this way. Now I can just move on.

[eos]

although i agree it was horrible on her part to shoot you down, pour acid on you, and then light you up, i DON'T agree that you call her out on it. this will only justify all the negative things she thinks about you. don't give her the satisfaction of saying, "see? i knew i was right. you suck." be the bigger and BETTER person.

*hugs* hope you feel better and hey...have a lap dance on me. :biggrin:

[Hiroshi2]

That's why I didn't say anything to her, it would've only given her more satisfaction.

[TB4000]

Did she think you did something to her back in the day or something? Or is this another one of those chicks that just turns everything into drama?

[Hiroshi2]

Actually she seemed to me to be very unemotional and the type to really steer away from drama.



I saw her again today. I don't know what to say now. She says she got really upset because she's dealt with several guys in the past who felt that way and ended up stalking her or just plain not letting her go, and it really made her upset that I felt that way. And she took out all of this anger she had for other guys out on me. Weird. It still doesn't change the fact that she said what she said and I told her I was really hurt by it and she apologized.


Crazy as it may seem, I still feel something for her. So I told her that I wasn't going to be a stranger but that I'd prefer to not talk to her for at least a few weeks. After that, I'd be over her, I'm sure.


While her outlash last night may have seemed crazy, it wasn't really typical of her. I really felt something for this girl. She changed the way that I look at a lot of things, she's a very intelligent girl, she's the kind of girl who really challenges me, and I couldn't help but fall for her. Plus she was very encouraging and was there for me when no one else was, and I was able to tell her things I couldn't tell anyone else. It IS going to be hard to get over this, I thought it would be easy at first, all I would have to do is get over the fact that she hurt me last night, but then again that's why it hurt. Because it came from her.


I don't know what else to do but focus on other shit, getting my shit together, and keep it moving. I've seen a hundred other cute faces around campus today but I really didn't even feel like speaking to a single girl. *sigh*

[Hiroshi2]

You know, I don't know if this is going to be as easy as other cases like this in the past. I really felt something for this girl, but now I just feel like I lost a friend, basically. I wish things were simple again. I wish this whole thing never happened even though what needed to be said needed was said. I've been trying to keep my mind off of it all day but for the most part I can only go an hour or two without thinking about it.


It's hard for me to think about anything else today even though I have a whole bunch of shit to do. But like I said, I don't even care about trying to be romantic with her or whatever - I just want my friend back! And I can't tell her this because I think she's already a little uncomfortable with the fact that I had these feelings in the first place, which in and of itself just seems so unfair. I mean, even if you didn't feel the same way, shouldn't you at least be flattered that someone appreciated you so much and liked you so much?

[cloudzero]

It's hard for me to think about anything else today even though I have a whole bunch of shit to do. But like I said, I don't even care about trying to be romantic with her or whatever - I just want my friend back! And I can't tell her this because I think she's already a little uncomfortable with the fact that I had these feelings in the first place, which in and of itself just seems so unfair. I mean, even if you didn't feel the same way, shouldn't you at least be flattered that someone appreciated you so much and liked you so much?

i think if shes "that good looking" its gotten to the point where its not flattery.
since she gets it so often.

i also think your defending her personality because she has good looks
ask yourself this: IF SHE LOOKED LIKE ROSIE ODONELL WOULD I FEEL THE SAME WAY?
don't asnwer that, just be honest and keep the answer to yourself

thats what i meant by "if not mutual, she will be watching out for you now, and the romantic view of you will never come"
i wanted to warn to because you said "she wasn't into relationships right now"
any small sign like that screams volumes
i would much rather eat my words and see it turn out not mutual
but hey it was my instinct and i just had to say something

i had a story like this...but maybe 3 times the intensity stretching over 6 years

not sure if im comfortable sharing it on the internet since yw is pretty google visible

[kitkatbee]

^ aww makes me want to know even more haha

[cloudzero]

^i thought you were a goner, 50 post and never come back!

[Hiroshi2]

i think if shes "that good looking" its gotten to the point where its not flattery.
since she gets it so often.

i also think your defending her personality because she has good looks
ask yourself this: IF SHE LOOKED LIKE ROSIE ODONELL WOULD I FEEL THE SAME WAY?
don't asnwer that, just be honest and keep the answer to yourself

thats what i meant by "if not mutual, she will be watching out for you now, and the romantic view of you will never come"
i wanted to warn to because you said "she wasn't into relationships right now"
any small sign like that screams volumes
i would much rather eat my words and see it turn out not mutual
but hey it was my instinct and i just had to say something

i had a story like this...but maybe 3 times the intensity stretching over 6 years

not sure if im comfortable sharing it on the internet since yw is pretty google visible



As a matter of fact, yes if she were a fat white cow like Rosie O Donelle I would feel the same way. My attraction to her was MUCH more than skin deep.


I care a lot about her, I appreciate her, and I consider her a blessing. She changed the way that I look at a lot of things and was there when I really needed someone to be there. Someday I'll tell her that. I just couldn't last night because I was so upset.

[cloudzero]

i've seen this time and time again.
you are subconsciously exaggerating her personality because of her looks
look how she reacted
your attracted to someone like that?
everything she says seem better when hormones are jumping out of your skin
you need to stop defending her, not for arguing on these boards, but for your mental health

i doubt you can save the friendship at this point
but if you did...then think of the day when she gets hooked up again or hitched
she will leave you as a friend. this is won't be bearable for you because of your romantic view of her

oh i noticed you answered the rosie question, when i told u not you...o.0

[Hiroshi2]

^ No I'm not. Pretty girls come and go.


I really don't think you understand - everyone can get like that sometimes. Even though her words hurt, I've experienced much worse from other people close to me. As a matter of fact, I've said some pretty hurtful things to her myself, and she still got over it. Everybody argues and fights and says things they don't mean, my parents have been married for 28 years and they do it all the time. Nothing is perfect, and no relationship is perfect.



In any case, she has a birthday coming up in about three weeks. I think I'll send her a birthday card telling her just that, by then I'll be much better and hopefully she will understand that I still care about her, but in a platonic way and that I'm not like some creepy guys who she may have dealt with before who just couldn't get over, more than likely simply because of lust. I really do care about her and I just want her to know that that's deeper than lust and it's deeper than whatever negative feelings I may have simply because she rejected me (romantically, at least).



I want her to know how much she means to me, plain and simple.

[cloudzero]

^ No I'm not. Pretty girls come and go.


I really don't think you understand - everyone can get like that sometimes. Even though her words hurt, I've experienced much worse from other people close to me. As a matter of fact, I've said some pretty hurtful things to her myself, and she still got over it. Everybody argues and fights and says things they don't mean, my parents have been married for 28 years and they do it all the time. Nothing is perfect, and no relationship is perfect.



In any case, she has a birthday coming up in about three weeks. I think I'll send her a birthday card telling her just that, by then I'll be much better and hopefully she will understand that I still care about her, but in a platonic way and that I'm not like some creepy guys who she may have dealt with before who just couldn't get over, more than likely simply because of lust. I really do care about her and I just want her to know that that's deeper than lust and it's deeper than whatever negative feelings I may have simply because she rejected me (romantically, at least).



I want her to know how much she means to me, plain and simple.

been there done that
you want to stick by her side even though it means you will always just be friends right?
even though it is extremely hard for you, you want to give yourself to her as a friend to make her life a bit better

u stepped over the line, she will NEVER view u romantically

with that said,

so now you just want to wait around til she starts dating some1 else
are you sure you are ready for that?

she will have a boyfriend
you will then have to watch her spend less and less time with you and eventually none at all.

i've experienced this kinda of 'decaying' friendship

a long mild aching like that is much worse than a sharp slap that lasts a few seconds

[Hiroshi2]

been there done that
you want to stick by her side even though it means you will always just be friends right?
even though it is extremely hard for you, you want to give yourself to her as a friend to make her life a bit better

u stepped over the line, she will NEVER view u romantically

with that said,

so now you just want to wait around til she starts dating some1 else
are you sure you are ready for that?

she will have a boyfriend
you will then have to watch her spend less and less time with you and eventually none at all.

i've experienced this kinda of 'decaying' friendship

a long mild aching like that is much worse than a sharp slap that lasts a few seconds



Been there, done that too.


When I was in high school I had a friend who I was absolutely, positively, hopelessly obsessed with. Her name was Tasha and for 2 years I thought about her all day, every day. Me and her were friends and started getting to know each other the summer b/w our 10th and 11th grade years - I didn't get over her until I started college, two years later.


Me and Tasha were friends, but never lovers. She was the kind of girl who went from boyfriend to boyfriend, and anytime she had an argument with one of them, she would call me. I was her shoulder to cry on, I was basically like one of her girlfriends, except I could offer a male perspective on things so I was even better. But I always secretly wanted Tasha and wished she would dump those losers and be with me. But of course that never happened, and I never told her how I felt, though I suspect she would have to be brain dead to not have noticed it after a certain point. But I'm sure she would've been too nice to ever confront me about it. Slowly but surely by our 12th grade year we started hanging out with each other less and less but that hardly changed how I felt about her. It's as if I saw in Tasha everything I ever wanted in a girl - but of course that was just my teenage mind seeing things in such an ideal and utopian way that you'd have to be crazy to think so highly of someone. It never really hit me that I would have to let Tasha go until the day after our graduation, when we went to the school to go pick up our diplomas, I gave Tasha a hug, she told me goodbye and keep in touch but of course we didn't. I mean, I talked to her on facebook like one time last year, but other than that I haven't actually spoken to her since high school. And that's what I needed, for us to go to two different schools. Had I went down to her college, I would've still been obsessed with her to this day, I bet.


With that being said, i will NEVER, EVER obssess like that over a girl again. I can't fathom, in a million years, ever feeling the same way about any girl the way that I did about Tasha. And that's not to say that I think she's my soulmate or anything like that - but what I'm saying is, I will never have that same childlike, blind, starry-eyed love for someone, the kind of love that sees no wrong whatsoever, the kind of love that doesn't take no for an answer, the kind of love that can eat a person alive. Never will I do that again, so with that being said, I can say with 100% confidence, that I WILL get over this girl that I'm friends with now. I will, because I'll be damned if I obsess over her for two years or even two months. By Thanksgiving I will most certainly be over her, if not by Veterans' Day. I know me and I know that I simply refuse to let myself go there again with anyone, no matter how special they may be to me.



So to that end, I say so what if this girl I'm talking to now gets a boyfriend? I hope she's happy and he's the one for her, because it's obvious I'm not. I've been down this road enough to know that jealousy and worrying over what I want but can't have will never get me one step closer to being happy in life, and that the approach that I'm taking is in fact the best one, given the circumstances. The fact that she doesn't feel me romantically doesn't change how much I appreciate her and care about her, and hell she should know that. But not now, since we agreed to not talk to each other for a week or two. But trust me - I'm mature enough to handle this and I will be alright.

[cloudzero]

well if its that easy then im glad for you
but i still think its hard to do it when the person is still in your life

some people can't do it with the person out of their life

[Hiroshi2]

well if its that easy then im glad for you
but i still think its hard to do it when the person is still in your life

some people can't do it with the person out of their life



Yeah I understand. But I have a lot of willpower.


In my life, I've already given up two addictions - cigarettes and drugs (pills, weed, and even a little cocaine). Giving up a girl (a love addiction, if you will) is nothing. If I want to do something, I'll do it. I'm convinced that I can break any habit and stop any addiction, period.

[Azn Retribution]

Yeah I understand. But I have a lot of willpower.


In my life, I've already given up two addictions - cigarettes and drugs (pills, weed, and even a little cocaine). Giving up a girl (a love addiction, if you will) is nothing. If I want to do something, I'll do it. I'm convinced that I can break any habit and stop any addiction, period.

Boo fucking hoo.

Everyone's had problems.

All I see from you my friend is DENIAL.

Please see the structure of every single one of your fucking replies.

Yeah.... (insert bullshit)

but.. (insert excuses/platitudes/denial)

Citing "been there, Done that"

does not absolve you of making the same mistake over and over.
or insisting that you know better

it only means your a slow learner.

which is ok.
Im just here to say I told you so
and please get the fuck over to the acceptance step.

You need to get your cycle of infatuation with girls from 2 months to days.

Did you even read that intellectual whore site?

Next time you see a girl you want
FUCKING DECIDE YOU WANT HER AND MAKE YOUR INTENTIONS KNOWN.

[Hiroshi2]

Boo fucking hoo.

Everyone's had problems.

All I see from you my friend is DENIAL.

Please see the structure of every single one of your fucking replies.

Yeah.... (insert bullshit)

but.. (insert excuses/platitudes/denial)

Citing "been there, Done that"

does not absolve you of making the same mistake over and over.
or insisting that you know better

it only means your a slow learner.

which is ok.
Im just here to say I told you so
and please get the fuck over to the acceptance step.

You need to get your cycle of infatuation with girls from 2 months to days.

Did you even read that intellectual whore site?

Next time you see a girl you want
FUCKING DECIDE YOU WANT HER AND MAKE YOUR INTENTIONS KNOWN.




Everything you and most of the people on this board say sound so irrelevant to the situation, like seriously. It really does go in one ear and out of the other - it has nothing to do with nothing.



Anyway. I talked to her again tonight, because I had a burning question in my mind - why didn't she find me attractive, especially considering the fact that the chemistry seemed good, and we seemed to enjoy spending time with each other?


I wish I hadn't asked that question, because the answer was the kind of answer that only provokes a thousand more questions.


She said the reason that she didn't really find me attractive was my attitude (if you don't know what my attitude is see my avatar and the description under it. It says "jaded"). She said I was too "rough" and too "pessmistic" and that's not the kind of attitude she wants in a boyfriend.


Here's the thing though - when I first started talking to her, and we would always come back to this same argument - is the glass half empty or half full. We would have this same argument over and over again at length. At first I thought to myself, this girl is crazy. She lives in a fairy tale world and apparently never thinks that bad things happen. Whereas I've grown up with the mentality that you'd be better be prepared, because anything could happen at anytime. And that was bred out of necessity.


But so was hers - she was in severe car accident a few years back and was even pronounced dead (according to her), but then was revived (basically her heart stopped pumping but it started pumping again. If that's not your definition of death, fine I don't care because that's not the point). The point is that she feels like she has a new lease on life, and feels like if it weren't for a positive attitude from both family and friends, she wouldn't have made it. And I understood that - BEFORE we had this talk. I guess I just never told her that (dunno if it would've made a difference though).


So I started trying to take her advice, and think of things more optimistically. And I would tell her whenever I had a good day at work (because usually I complained about work), just so that she could see that I wasn't always so negative and that I understood where she was coming from. I did this BEFORE the talk.


Anyway, I asked if that was it, and she said yeah. I asked her if she thought I was too young, wasn't physically attracted to me, etc. and she said the only thing that really was a dealbreaker was my attitude.


Imagine how I feel. The only thing keeping me and her from being together isn't something that can't be changed. I thought it would be. I thought maybe she just didn't find me physically attractive or something (can't change your looks or how someone feels about your looks). But this is something that not only can be changed, but I was in the PROCESS of changing. And then she hits me with this? I basically feel like I lost the Super Bowl by 1 point, with 10 seconds left in the game. Better yet, I feel like the Democrats in the 2000 election, like I want a recount because the election's too close to call.


Yesterday, I felt miserable all during the day. I had been dissappointed, I had been hurt, I had felt all kinds of miserable feelings. But by last night, I started to feel better because I started to kick it with some friends, i started to laugh and have fun again, and basically felt really good about the chances of me and her just being friends and things just working out. But now, I don't know if I can be satisfied with that, if for no other reason than the fact that we were so close. She says she's talking to someone else right now, but I just have this funny feeling that she'll end up coming back to me. She's a very unique, special person and I can't imagine too many guys out there that would really, truly appreciate that and offer what I feel like I could offer. Maybe I am crazy, I don't care. I'm not going to hold on to this, eventually I will let go but I really wouldn't be surprised if that happened. I won't hold on and put my life on hold for her - I know that I could kill myself doing that. But ever since last night, i thought something felt wrong about the fact that she didn't find me attractive. Something was missing, there had to be some explaination for why this didn't go through the way that I thought, when it seemed like a shoe-in, like it was just about guaranteed.



Thoughts, anyone? And if I disagree with you, yes I will argue with you so don't be offended.

[cloudzero]

Everything you and most of the people on this board say sound so irrelevant to the situation, like seriously. It really does go in one ear and out of the other - it has nothing to do with nothing.



Anyway. I talked to her again tonight, because I had a burning question in my mind - why didn't she find me attractive, especially considering the fact that the chemistry seemed good, and we seemed to enjoy spending time with each other?



what i quoted here is all i read....cuz i had enough
you asked why because u want to change to make yourself romantically likable

here it is: IT WONT HAPPEN! CUZ U TOLD HER AND ITS NOT MUTUAL

im done, if you cant get that through your head, then you deserve to rot through this relationship. you are pretty thick

[Hiroshi2]

you asked why because u want to change to make yourself romantically likable



I asked why because I wanted to know for my own sake. If I trusted my instincts then I would've thought that she felt the same way. But it didn't happen that way. So I asked why. It's that simple.


It's just like if you study for a test, you go in and answer every question thinking that you're going to ace it, but you end up getting an F or a D. You'd want to know why, right? Because you thought you had an A for sure. That's happened to me a couple of times, so surely someone else can relate. It's the same thing with this, I thought I was going to get an A but instead came out with a D (I didn't fail completely in the sense that she considers me a "good friend" but I didn't pass either).



As far as her answer is concerned, I don't feel like it's accurate. But I guess all that matters is her perception of me, right? But still - I don't feel like it's accurate and I'm just tired of people always giving me a bad rap and I'm tired of being misunderstood. And this is another case of that, that's why I'm still a little frustrated.



In the end, I feel like whatever differences we had, I was fully aware of them and willing to work through them. Any relationship is going to have said differences. But she obviously wasn't willing to work through them. I don't know how she's going to maintain any relationship without being able to compromise a little, but hey, whatever.



Me and her are still cool, we still talk. I thought about calling her back today just to revisit the topic, but truthfully I'm tired of it. If I'm tired of it, I know that she's tired of it. I just want to move on, but I don't want to abandon her entirely. And I won't. I want to get back to talking about the things we used to talk about and doing the things we used to do, not talking about us. It's hurting me too much to constantly think about this, even though it does seem unfair and wrong in every way. I'm just tired. Could I ever think about being with her again, if one day she did realize how wrong she was and realize what she missed out on? Yeah probably, if I hadn't found another girl by then. But I can't hold out for that.

[Azn Retribution]

Simple answer:

You are a tool.

You keep trying to distinguish saying anything we say doesn't apply to your situation. As if all the small details change the outcome or the major forks in your situation.

They DON'T

You are NOT different. Your situation is NOT different.
It doesn't matter that it was your appearance. or if it was your attitude or personality. all that matters is results and perception

Result: SHE DON'T LIKE YOU IDIOT.
Perception: SHE NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU THAT WAY. PERIOD.

This is a trees from the forest type situation.

Your so close you claim the tree is sooo different from everything else.
in the big picture of your life. This is going to be one thing out of many.

You can NEVER get your friend back.
You can NEVER go back to the way things are.

Consider this a life lesson.
One of the ones you learned the hard way.

That's what happens when you try to make the jump from the "Friend ladder" to the "Fuck Ladder" and you fail.

You fall into the abyss of nothingness and awkwardness.
It would have been better if you were upfront with your intentions instead of procrastinating.


I will ask you ONE LASST TIME
http://www.intellectualwhores.com

Go into it with an OPEN MIND and see the fucking cycle your putting yourself through.

End of story. We all told you so.
Your shit ain't special
Your situation ain't special

[cloudzero]

I STILL THINK YOU GOT A CHANCE, KEEP TRYING ^_^........................psh

[TB4000]

You trying to do that tough love thing on my boy or what?

[vicv]

Date her sister!

[Azn Retribution]

Date her sister!

Aahahahaha

I like this suggestion.

+1

[Hiroshi2]

Simple answer:

You are a tool.

You keep trying to distinguish saying anything we say doesn't apply to your situation. As if all the small details change the outcome or the major forks in your situation.

They DON'T

You are NOT different. Your situation is NOT different.
It doesn't matter that it was your appearance. or if it was your attitude or personality. all that matters is results and perception

Result: SHE DON'T LIKE YOU IDIOT.
Perception: SHE NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU THAT WAY. PERIOD.

This is a trees from the forest type situation.

Your so close you claim the tree is sooo different from everything else.
in the big picture of your life. This is going to be one thing out of many.

You can NEVER get your friend back.
You can NEVER go back to the way things are.

Consider this a life lesson.
One of the ones you learned the hard way.

That's what happens when you try to make the jump from the "Friend ladder" to the "Fuck Ladder" and you fail.

You fall into the abyss of nothingness and awkwardness.
It would have been better if you were upfront with your intentions instead of procrastinating.


I will ask you ONE LASST TIME
http://www.intellectualwhores.com

Go into it with an OPEN MIND and see the fucking cycle your putting yourself through.

End of story. We all told you so.
Your shit ain't special
Your situation ain't special




The situation may not be completely unique, but I'm not your average Joe. I've given up both a cigarette addiction and a drug addiction cold turkey - don't underestimate my willpower and my ability to bounce back from shit, I've had a lot of practice in my short life.


First of all, I'm over her. I know it's only been three days, but seriously. I've given this a LOT of thought and I've done a lot of...............well, crying quite frankly. It's a wrap, and i know that.


With that being said, I started focusing less on the fact that she didn't want me and more on why she didn't want me. She said that I was too pessimistic and too negative. Well is that true? To an extent, yes. Not completely, but yes it is to an extent, true. So with that being said, part of moving on from this IMO calls for me to not only learn to get over, but to take a lesson from this whole thing.


For years, I've had a negative attitude. Out of necessity and out of ignorance, really. Necessity because I grew up in an environment where people always take kindness for weakness, so even if I did want to be a nice, caring, compassionate person I could never be that, at least not openly. But also out of ignorance because I was never really taught or even exposed to people like her who were that way and wanted to be around other people like that. So I asked myself, is this the way to be? Would this help me out in the long run? Or am I just doing this because she said it was the thing to do?


Well the answer to that question is simple - if you can make an improvement in your life, make it. If it's good for you, it's good for you. Forget her opinion on things. I often discourage myself and sell myself short by forgetting about the things that I have accomplished and the things I have overcome in my life by focusing on the fact that I'm not quite where I want to be. And I had gotten so used to that mentality that even when I did change the people I was around, and changed my behaviors, I still had a little bit of the old thought patterns lingering. Just enough to turn her off to me. And I thought to myself, some women may not mind a pessimisitc person, but certainly no decent woman would turn down a man because he was TOO much of a positive thinker, right? So I said to myself, well that's it. It's good for me, and it'll help me avoid the same situation happening twice as well. If I get struck down by a girl in the future, at least it won't be for the same character flaw. The point is that a lesson is to be learned from all of this, and I do learn lessons. I *understand* why she feels the way that she does. The kind of attitude that I had really did keep me from dreaming big and really doing the things that I wanted to do. Ultimately, it's about fear. The fear of being dissappointed and the fear of being let down. But I can't let that happen, not anymore. And that's just about my life in general, in a sense it has everything to do with this girl because by having my heartbroken it was the kick in the ass I needed to "wake up and smell the roses" so to speak. But it also has nothing to do with her in the sense that this is about ME, and MY life. I know some of you on here still think that I'm trying to get this girl back no matter what, but it's simply not the case. If I see her around, I'll speak to her, hell I may even strike up conversation. You all don't know how quickly i can bounce back from things. You see, I HAVE to bounce back. If I dwell on this, I know how far I can take this. I know this can turn out REAL ugly and I could easily throw myself into a downward spiral. Instead of taking just a couple of weeks or even just a few days to fully recover, it could take months or years to recover if I don't adopt this attitude. Everything I'm doing now is out of necessity. Period.

[Hiroshi2]

Simple answer:

You are a tool.

You keep trying to distinguish saying anything we say doesn't apply to your situation. As if all the small details change the outcome or the major forks in your situation.

They DON'T

You are NOT different. Your situation is NOT different.
It doesn't matter that it was your appearance. or if it was your attitude or personality. all that matters is results and perception

Result: SHE DON'T LIKE YOU IDIOT.
Perception: SHE NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU THAT WAY. PERIOD.

This is a trees from the forest type situation.

Your so close you claim the tree is sooo different from everything else.
in the big picture of your life. This is going to be one thing out of many.

You can NEVER get your friend back.
You can NEVER go back to the way things are.

Consider this a life lesson.
One of the ones you learned the hard way.

That's what happens when you try to make the jump from the "Friend ladder" to the "Fuck Ladder" and you fail.

You fall into the abyss of nothingness and awkwardness.
It would have been better if you were upfront with your intentions instead of procrastinating.


I will ask you ONE LASST TIME
http://www.intellectualwhores.com

Go into it with an OPEN MIND and see the fucking cycle your putting yourself through.

End of story. We all told you so.
Your shit ain't special
Your situation ain't special




The situation may not be completely unique, but I'm not your average Joe. I've given up both a cigarette addiction and a drug addiction cold turkey - don't underestimate my willpower and my ability to bounce back from shit, I've had a lot of practice in my short life.


First of all, I'm over her. I know it's only been three days, but seriously. I've given this a LOT of thought and I've done a lot of...............well, crying quite frankly. It's a wrap, and i know that.


With that being said, I started focusing less on the fact that she didn't want me and more on why she didn't want me. She said that I was too pessimistic and too negative. Well is that true? To an extent, yes. Not completely, but yes it is to an extent, true. So with that being said, part of moving on from this IMO calls for me to not only learn to get over, but to take a lesson from this whole thing.


For years, I've had a negative attitude. Out of necessity and out of ignorance, really. Necessity because I grew up in an environment where people always take kindness for weakness, so even if I did want to be a nice, caring, compassionate person I could never be that, at least not openly. But also out of ignorance because I was never really taught or even exposed to people like her who were that way and wanted to be around other people like that. So I asked myself, is this the way to be? Would this help me out in the long run? Or am I just doing this because she said it was the thing to do?


Well the answer to that question is simple - if you can make an improvement in your life, make it. If it's good for you, it's good for you. Forget her opinion on things. I often discourage myself and sell myself short by forgetting about the things that I have accomplished and the things I have overcome in my life by focusing on the fact that I'm not quite where I want to be. And I had gotten so used to that mentality that even when I did change the people I was around, and changed my behaviors, I still had a little bit of the old thought patterns lingering. Just enough to turn her off to me. And I thought to myself, some women may not mind a pessimisitc person, but certainly no decent woman would turn down a man because he was TOO much of a positive thinker, right? So I said to myself, well that's it. It's good for me, and it'll help me avoid the same situation happening twice as well. If I get struck down by a girl in the future, at least it won't be for the same character flaw. The point is that a lesson is to be learned from all of this, and I do learn lessons. I *understand* why she feels the way that she does. The kind of attitude that I had really did keep me from dreaming big and really doing the things that I wanted to do. Ultimately, it's about fear. The fear of being dissappointed and the fear of being let down. But I can't let that happen, not anymore. And that's just about my life in general, in a sense it has everything to do with this girl because by having my heartbroken it was the kick in the ass I needed to "wake up and smell the roses" so to speak. But it also has nothing to do with her in the sense that this is about ME, and MY life. I know some of you on here still think that I'm trying to get this girl back no matter what, but it's simply not the case. If I see her around, I'll speak to her, hell I may even strike up conversation. But I am over her. Period.


You all don't know how quickly i can bounce back from things. You see, I HAVE to bounce back. If I dwell on this, I know how far I can take this. I know this can turn out REAL ugly and I could easily throw myself into a downward spiral. Instead of taking just a couple of weeks or even just a few days to fully recover, it could take months or years to recover if I don't adopt this attitude. Everything I'm doing now is out of necessity. Period.


Now leave me alone and quit saying that I haven't moved on, because I have. I don't even know why I bothered posting on here, the people who I know in real life have given me much better advice and know a lot more about me. Here it's like I'm being made out to be some kind of obsessive freak, and it's simply not the case because you all are thinking about what YOU would do, and not what I would do. You don't realize that some people are, quite frankly, better equipped to handle this kind of thing than others. So get over it.

[pikachu]

Fifteen year olds in love. How cute.

[deez nuts]

Major Mandingo,

Bang her and bang her hard and bang her hard again. Soul brutha boom boom with that prize winning cock of yours that you tied for the biggest cock in your high school locker room cock off that you've mentioned awhile back. That will win her over.

Edit: moving to men's because women don't give a shit anymore.

[Hiroshi2]

Fifteen year olds in love. How cute.




Sadly this whole thing does make me feel like I'm 15 years old again.

[bunny4]

Just tell her youre interested! I think thats what she wants too.

[Azn Retribution]

The situation may not be completely unique, but I'm not your average Joe. I've given up both a cigarette addiction and a drug addiction cold turkey - don't underestimate my willpower and my ability to bounce back from shit, I've had a lot of practice in my short life.


First of all, I'm over her. I know it's only been three days, but seriously. I've given this a LOT of thought and I've done a lot of...............well, crying quite frankly. It's a wrap, and i know that.


With that being said, I started focusing less on the fact that she didn't want me and more on why she didn't want me. She said that I was too pessimistic and too negative. Well is that true? To an extent, yes. Not completely, but yes it is to an extent, true. So with that being said, part of moving on from this IMO calls for me to not only learn to get over, but to take a lesson from this whole thing.


For years, I've had a negative attitude. Out of necessity and out of ignorance, really. Necessity because I grew up in an environment where people always take kindness for weakness, so even if I did want to be a nice, caring, compassionate person I could never be that, at least not openly. But also out of ignorance because I was never really taught or even exposed to people like her who were that way and wanted to be around other people like that. So I asked myself, is this the way to be? Would this help me out in the long run? Or am I just doing this because she said it was the thing to do?


Well the answer to that question is simple - if you can make an improvement in your life, make it. If it's good for you, it's good for you. Forget her opinion on things. I often discourage myself and sell myself short by forgetting about the things that I have accomplished and the things I have overcome in my life by focusing on the fact that I'm not quite where I want to be. And I had gotten so used to that mentality that even when I did change the people I was around, and changed my behaviors, I still had a little bit of the old thought patterns lingering. Just enough to turn her off to me. And I thought to myself, some women may not mind a pessimisitc person, but certainly no decent woman would turn down a man because he was TOO much of a positive thinker, right? So I said to myself, well that's it. It's good for me, and it'll help me avoid the same situation happening twice as well. If I get struck down by a girl in the future, at least it won't be for the same character flaw. The point is that a lesson is to be learned from all of this, and I do learn lessons. I *understand* why she feels the way that she does. The kind of attitude that I had really did keep me from dreaming big and really doing the things that I wanted to do. Ultimately, it's about fear. The fear of being dissappointed and the fear of being let down. But I can't let that happen, not anymore. And that's just about my life in general, in a sense it has everything to do with this girl because by having my heartbroken it was the kick in the ass I needed to "wake up and smell the roses" so to speak. But it also has nothing to do with her in the sense that this is about ME, and MY life. I know some of you on here still think that I'm trying to get this girl back no matter what, but it's simply not the case. If I see her around, I'll speak to her, hell I may even strike up conversation. But I am over her. Period.


You all don't know how quickly i can bounce back from things. You see, I HAVE to bounce back. If I dwell on this, I know how far I can take this. I know this can turn out REAL ugly and I could easily throw myself into a downward spiral. Instead of taking just a couple of weeks or even just a few days to fully recover, it could take months or years to recover if I don't adopt this attitude. Everything I'm doing now is out of necessity. Period.


Now leave me alone and quit saying that I haven't moved on, because I have. I don't even know why I bothered posting on here, the people who I know in real life have given me much better advice and know a lot more about me. Here it's like I'm being made out to be some kind of obsessive freak, and it's simply not the case because you all are thinking about what YOU would do, and not what I would do. You don't realize that some people are, quite frankly, better equipped to handle this kind of thing than others. So get over it.

It's because we're not your friends that we don't have to hold your hands and can be horribly blunt about it.

We aren't your friends. we aren't gonna spoonfeed you bullshit you already want to hear.

We tell you how it is.

THAT'S why you post here.

All your negativity, and character flaw per se. are shit girls will and have put up with.

YOUR MAIN FLAW:

You are NOT assertive enough.
You DON'T make your intentions known early on or well known.
You rationalize excuses and reasons and spend paragraphs writing them instead of being like fuck. Next time, I'll just man up. Where's the next chick.

Girls get with, and fall in love with guys with flaws all the time.
changing yourself constantly to please others will make you miserable.
You focus too much on yourself, and too much on your flaws.

"You appear to be looking forward, but in reality you're only looking
downward. You're only looking at yourself. Like that, you will find nothing."

[Banana]

Did you get that from a fortune cookie?

[snailpoo]

Did you get that from a fortune cookie?

That's a big cookie.






....or some tiny font.

[Banana]

Oh, I meant the last part in bold.

[monkeygone2]

"You appear to be looking forward, but in reality you're only looking
downward. You're only looking at yourself. Like that, you will find nothing."

was that from fuckin Xenogears (ゼノギアス)?!?

[popculturepooka]

was that from fuckin Xenogears (ゼノギアス)?!?

Lol, what the random Katakana?!

BTW Xenogears as awesome!

[eos]

NERDS!

*runs out of thread*

[Azn Retribution]

Dammit. Busted.
hahaha
Yes. I <3 the entire xeno-series.

I was trying to find something funny and cheesy to close it up with.

[TB4000]

You quoting video games now. brah? =P

[cloudzero]

heres a quote that applies to this thread:

Hiroshi2: hmm let me try the red wire *ZAP*
Hiroshi2: let me try the green wire *ZAP*
Hiroshi2: try them together *ZZZZAPPPPP*
Hiroshi2: ohhhh.......try the red one again....

[popculturepooka]

Dammit. Busted.
hahaha
Yes. I <3 the entire xeno-series.

I was trying to find something funny and cheesy to close it up with.

Xenosaga series was mildly enjoyable. :biggrin: