asian radar awkwardness

[cloudzero]

Hey dudes,

You being Asian, have you ever walked pass a girl about your own age on the streets, and she always looks away even though she is walking toward you. It is obvious she is making an effort (unconscious or conscious) to avoid eye contact. If we are about pass by each other's left side, shes ALWAYS facing right. If we are about to pass by each other's right side, shes ALWAYS facing left. I noticed it is very awkward when it happens and it doesn't happen when I pass by non-Asian girls.

Also, lets say its the first day of class. If an Asian guy picks a seat next to an Asian girl, it would seem it is creepy to do that. If a guy of any other race picks that seat, then its no big deal, because someone has to sit there.

I seriously think this only happens in situations as a minority.
I notice these things don't happen in Chinatowns or streets of Asia.
It gives the whole idea of 'meeting her' a really bad vibe.

Can these things be making it actually harder for an Asian guy than a Caucasian guy to meet an Asian girl?

Can these things be what Asian girls call lack of confidence and what Caucasians call a lack of balls?

Share if you have similar experiences? Input from the ladies would be appreciated too!

[SunWuKong]

never happens to me.

but sucks for you, man. maybe work out a little or dress better, yeah?

[cloudzero]

heh, you are assuming something is wrong with me.
if what you imply are true about me, then the worse is that they don't notice me.
the problem is that it seems they do notice me ALOT but DONT want to.
there was one girl i passed by in the hallways, she turn her face away into a white wall.

i noticed this recently. it doesn't happen when im with my friends.
but since summer school started and my friends arent around, i noticed this alot, especially when theres one asian girl in class and im the only other asian. or when this happens on the bus. i've never been called ugly before so i don't think its my looks. one girl in particular was really creeping me out. the professor had a bunch of graded homeworks sitting in front of the board on his desktop meant for people to pick up the few minutes before class starts. when i got up there mine was sitting on top so i grabbed it. the professor said "well that was easy!" i turned around and saw her laughing at me...well not at me, but at the situation. not out loud laughing but between a smile a silent laugh. i caught her and she straightened her face in less than a second looked away. by the way shes pretty good looking but......THAT IS SO CREEPY!

[SunWuKong]

maybe you smell? you should trying taking a shower at least once a day, and doing laundry regularly.

[cloudzero]

maybe you smell? you should trying taking a shower at least once a day, and doing laundry regularly.

uh.... is that a serious answer or am i getting picked on here?

i do work out. i have a gf. i haven't gotten comments about how i dress.
they turn their heads about 20ft away. turning your head won't save you from B.O. believe me i take the bus.

this came to mind because it seems so easy for people to meet in Asian countries and Chinatown and difficulty in getting acquainted seems to me like it sprung up out of no where. it seems to happen in places in with few Asians.

[Banana]

Cloud, you in an Asian heavy city?

To be honest, when I was younger, I would always try not to associate with Asian girls because I felt that white people might think I wasn't "American" if I dated them. When I dated white girls, I felt they would think "well, he's Americanized!"

Maybe they feel the same way. /shrug

Since I'm whitewashed and never really paid attention to Asian girls when I was younger, I haven't really seen it because I didn't care if they liked me or not.

The only time I've noticed it was when I went out to eat with MonkeyGone2 which was mentioned here:

http://forums.yellowworld.org/showthread.php?t=33086&page=2

I got the exact opposite vibe from this girl he said was constantly looking at me. When we first walked in, we made eye contact for about 4 seconds but when she sat us down, she looked away as I walked past her to get to the table. Thus, I thought she had something against me.

It happens from time to time but now that you mention it, I'll be on the look out. Haha.

[cloudzero]

Cloud, you in an Asian heavy city?

To be honest, when I was younger, I would always try not to associate with Asian girls because I felt that white people might think I wasn't "American" if I dated them. When I dated white girls, I felt they would think "well, he's Americanized!"

Maybe they feel the same way. /shrug

Since I'm whitewashed and never really paid attention to Asian girls when I was younger, I haven't really seen it because I didn't care if they liked me or not.

The only time I've noticed it was when I went out to eat with MonkeyGone2 which was mentioned here:

http://forums.yellowworld.org/showthread.php?t=33086&page=2

I got the exact opposite vibe from this girl he said was constantly looking at me. When we first walked in, we made eye contact for about 4 seconds but when she sat us down, she looked away as I walked past her to get to the table. Thus, I thought she had something against me.

It happens from time to time but now that you mention it, I'll be on the look out. Haha.

Yes, my city is heavy in certain areas.
Like I said again, it doesn't happen when I am in Chinatown, vacations to Asia, or when I am with my friends. But recently in summer school where I am walking around alone, it happens. Perhaps 10+ times already this summer. I can't help but notice. I guess friends are underrated.

As a response to SunWuKong. I am not trying to find a gf or even more friends. This is something I noticed. It doesn't happen walking passing non-Asian girls. As for the girl who was laughing, I believe her attention was positive....but creepy.

Is there some psychological concept involved when this happens?
I cant help but wonder if this phenomenon is actually making an Asian guy's social abilities more difficult.

[Paradox]

Hey dudes,
It gives the whole idea of 'meeting her' a really bad vibe.

Can these things be making it actually harder for an Asian guy than a Caucasian guy to meet an Asian girl?

Can these things be what Asian girls call lack of confidence and what Caucasians call a lack of balls?

Share if you have similar experiences? Input from the ladies would be appreciated too!
Actually, I am familiar with what you mentioned. I experienced it a couple times in college. It's just a really bad vibe with no words being said at all. It's like the asian woman is so insecure that she has to go out of her way to actively avoid other asian person's presence in the room. This mostly happens in a setting with few asian people around or white washed regions of the country.

Asian-american women definitely aren't all like this though. I've been chillin' by myself in class before and have had an asian woman strike up a conversation with me. I think it's just an extreme that's more obvious in a normal social setting..really insecure asian women who don't want to acknowledge another asian person's presence and normal ones who just sit and chat like normal human beings.

Either way, Asian-americans are one fucked up minority. I hate to repeat myself but i'm glad I don't have to deal with the politics/social race games anymore. Viva la asia.

[cloudzero]

I KNEW IT. SO I DIDN'T RECENTLY GO CRAZY.

Has anybody else had this experience?
Please share...

[Paradox]

I KNEW IT. SO I DIDN'T RECENTLY GO CRAZY.

Has anybody else had this experience?
Please share...
I just wanted to add it's not just asian women that do this either. I've seen asian guys do this too, especially the white washed ones. One time I was in this summer camp program with just me and a couple other asian-americans. Everyone else was mostly white, a few black kids, and an indian kid. Anyways, one of the asian kids went out of his way to avoid contact with me like I had aids or something and when I did manage to have a conversation with him he seemed a little arrogant and hostile. He was busy acting like an Uncle Tom the whole time putting down asians :rolleyes:. Needless to say it was an interesting summer camp. All the other ethnicities in the camp had no problems acting like normal human beings.

[AngryABCGirl]

I've actually encountered a few of these two, both men and women who are really whitewashed- it was always really weird to me. I think I understand where they are coming from, they'd rather be free of race and free of the baggage, racial and cultural, that come with being Asian and probably don't have that strong sense of identity or place. Personally I think that's rather impossible and it's better to acknowledge it and figure your shit out because race in America pretty much is and will always be everything.

I think these tend to be younger people who haven't figured everything out yet. I once went clubbing in LA when I was back visiting my family with my fobby Taiwanese friend and another friend who is also Asian, not a fob but a proud non self-hating Asian American is the best way to say it. We met up with some of his friends and their friends, a big mix of Asian, White, and Latino people. I mentioned I lived in Taiwan and me and my friend started talking about the party scene there and mentioned there were a lot of hot guys and girls and they should check it out. Most of the Asian people (guys and girls) declared they probably wouldn't like it because they didn't like to date another Asians.

The rest of the the Asians seem to regard me and my fobby friend as if we were like the carriers of the plague or something because we speak in Chinese to each other, but talked in English when we were in the group and to everyone, it's not as if we were talking in Chinese loudly each other next to everyone to be catty or something but just when we were by ourselves. There were also other groups of Asians at the club talking in Asian languages and people talking in Spanish too- that's LA life for you, but these people had this whole complex. Everyone else acted normal. It made me want to get on the plane back to Asia very quickly.

[Paradox]

There were also other groups of Asians at the club talking in Asian languages and people talking in Spanish too- that's LA life for you, but these people had this whole complex. Everyone else acted normal. It made me want to get on the plane back to Asia very quickly.
It's what I call the "house negro complex" when someone is so ashamed to be what they are that they openly persecute others that are like them. Remember back in the plantation era white southern landowners used to keep one of those negros in his house to report the disobedient negros in the field. The house negro is the most beat down individual ego wise. They are beyond the inferiority complex..they have pretty much acknowledged their existance as less than the dominating culture. It's sad and pathetic. I steer the fuck away from people like this but not without a few of my trademark sarcastic remarks to put them on their ass.

[snailpoo]

have you ever walked pass a girl about your own age on the streets, and she always looks away even though she is walking toward you. It is obvious she is making an effort (unconscious or conscious) to avoid eye contact. If we are about pass by each other's left side, shes ALWAYS facing right. If we are about to pass by each other's right side, shes ALWAYS facing left. I noticed it is very awkward when it happens and it doesn't happen when I pass by non-Asian girls.

Only a certain clique reacts to you, but no one else does? Maybe you've got some rumors or other things like compromising pictures that were circulated among those certain girls in your school. You haven't been close to farm animals recently have you?

[cloudzero]

no

[Banana]

As much as SWK and Snail are trying to lighten the mood (hehe), I actually have seen it from time to time myself but it could be for different reasons. Some have said it's because Asian girls react differently to guys they like and don't maintain eye contact. Others have said it's because they don't like you. And lastly, the reason could be because they don't want others to think you're associated together simply by race.

I was a member of the last group in that I didn't want whites to feel I was associated with every Asian out there. It's a self-hate insecure thing but I think it's out there and I've only noticed it with Asian Americans.

[deez nuts]

given the choice of sitting next to an attractive asian woman or an attractive white woman whether it's to sit next to in class or at a bar etc etc, i have always opted to sit next to the attractive white woman.

my first threesome was with an asian chick and a white chick, i paid more attention to the white chick. lol.

[MD2020]

You should do a little experiment... walk slightly ahead and to the left (but in the same direction) of some Asian girl. Theoretically, her Asian-Asian repellent field will make her physically unable to look straight ahead because her head will be repulsed to the right. See if you can make her walk into a wall or a column.

Send to America's Funniest Videos and $$$.

[cloudzero]

You should do a little experiment... walk slightly ahead and to the left (but in the same direction) of some Asian girl. Theoretically, her Asian-Asian repellent field will make her physically unable to look straight ahead because her head will be repulsed to the right. See if you can make her walk into a wall or a column.

Send to America's Funniest Videos and $$$.

She would probably just slow down and get a distance since I wouldn't be able to see her.
Hm, this reminds me of the time I was walking in front of a this one girl. She was 5 to 8 feet behind me walking the same direction. I know this because she was dragging her feet. All of a sudden she ran about 15 feet in front of me and started walking again. This was on campus and we both had backpacks on. Why are the good looking ones always insane?

[tripostrophe]

Self-hate issues -- and it goes for both sexes. It's unfair to subject only females to this kind of scrutiny, and trying to make it out into an issue that is first and foremost related to APIA males and the dating disparity is wrong, both morally and in terms of relevance/accuracy.

The issue should not be "this probably weakens our chances of finding a partner," though that can in itself be a valid issue. Rather, the issue that is most relevant and at the root of all this is how comfortable a person is with their identity.

If you get them to open up to other APIAs as potential dating partners, but they still haven't learned to be proud of who/what they are, there are still going to be problems (e.g. breaking up because s/he was "too Asian/fobby," "made a big deal out of race all the time," etc.) All the same things as before, except now s/he has decided that there are some Asians that they can stand (i.e. "honorary whites").

[tripostrophe]

Oh and another thing, I think we should weigh what the person's saying behind the racial misogyny before castrating another APIA male for posting something like this. But we should also work (harder) on trying to win them over to supporting the APIA female community.

[tripostrophe]

But while we're on the topic, here are some posts on the "Asian Eye Flick" -- what do you all think? Does it exist/happen? I really like these posts, and have definitely seen/given/received some of these.

The SO and I walked around a lovely lake yesterday afternoon and as we took in the swimming mallards and the bracing spring breeze, we passed a Asian woman + white man and then an Asian woman in a sweatshirt and an Asian dude on a bike.

All three times, I got the Asian Eye Flick.

I swear, it's a Midwest phenomenon. The East and West coasts rarely have this, methinks, because of the sheer volume of people of color and fellow Asian brothers and sisters. But in the Midwest, the AEF occurs, fleetingly, and if you blink while you flick, you might miss it.

It's subtle. It's covert. It's … well, kind of restrained. It's not the openly friendly greeting my African American friends do when they meet another African American on the street. It's not even a full-out grin, or a curt nod. It's the smallest of looks, a bare recognition, an "Ah, yes, I see you" kind of acknowledgment.

"What?" exclaimed the SO. "I didn't even notice the other two."

Ah … but if he grew up in the Midwest, he might have. Although there are 13,000 of us Korean adoptees, one rarely runs into a steady stream of Asian Americans. So when an Asian sister or brother comes along, well! it's small wave of relief that it's not just you representing Asian America in cream and bread Minnesota.

Lately, I Like Lists

Not all AEFs are the same. Some are nicer than others. Here are a few that happen in the good ol' Midwest:

1. The Very Quick Flick—This occurs when Asian Americans are walking with white friends, coworkers, partners. It's enough of a look to register, but not enough to draw attention. I haven't decided if it's the "Thank god you exist, too, phew," or the "You may be Asian, but I'm trying to pass, so don't look to long" look.

2. The Assessing Flick—When we take enough time to think, Hmong? Korean adopted? Did I meet you last week at that poetry reading?

3. The Competitive Girl Flick—I hate this one. It's like "Are you as hot and exotic as I am?" "Do you have the hot shit clothing I am wearing?" Usually, this AEF isn't really noteworthy, since I am often wardrobe-challenged, but sometimes when I see an Asian woman with a white man and I do the eye flick, I get a hostile one back, like "Stay away from my hunk of white meat." Yowch! You can keep 'em, baby!

4. The Friendly Flick—A short and sweet eye flick, but with a little smile. I like this one.

5. The Invisible Flick—It's there, oh yes, but far briefer than the Very Quick Flick. You almost have to be waiting for it to happen.

6. The Beseeching Adoptee Stare—Yes, it's not a flick, it's a hungry look I often see in young adoptees' eyes. They are with their white adoptive families and when they see another Asian person, they often stare us down. This makes me sad and I wish … well, you know what I wish.

7. Adoptive Parent Flick of Death—Related to #6, this is when the adoptive parent notices her adoptive child staring at an Asian person and then gives her own Flick of Death to keep away the Asian person. It's a very clear, "Stay away. This child is mine." Not all adoptive parents do this, but there are too many to count that have.

8. The Smoking Hot Flick—This is the "You are so fine, this is for your sexy emanations. Flick!" Or, "I'm flicking at you with complex, hooded feelings, and while I may never see you again, you will forever be burned in my brain. Flick, flick, flick …"

9. The Whatever Flick—Ho hum, there's an Asian person. Whatever. (But at least there's the flick! The eyes betray the casual scope.)

You, Too, Can Do the Asian Eye Flick

So, while you're out and about, notice if you give or receive the AEF. Because while it might be subtle, it's there, and we're there and maybe someday we'll say hello or grin at each other, but for now, the flicks go on while the Midwest gets less cream and bread ….

http://mudeng.wordpress.com/2006/05/15/the-asian-eye-flick/

http://mudeng.wordpress.com/2006/05/16/more-asian-eye-flick/

http://mudeng.wordpress.com/2006/08/24/whos-looking-at-the-asian-eye-flick/

[Napoleon Chynamite]

lol same shit different day

[cloudzero]

So whats with the laughing chick and the chick that ran in front of me for no reason.

[eos]

when i'm in class, i hate when fobs sit next to me. but i hate white people also. black people are ok but they talk a lot.

so i just sit in my own corner and when i see fobs i just stare them down until they sit somewhere else.

i know this is in the men's forum, but i'm akane and i don't care.

[Adaon]

when i'm in class, i hate when fobs sit next to me. but i hate white people also. black people are ok but they talk a lot.

so i just sit in my own corner and when i see fobs i just stare them down until they sit somewhere else.

i know this is in the men's forum, but i'm akane and i don't care.

She'z a pirate, and she duz wot she wonts!

I dun care who sits next to me, as long as they don't smell, talk too much, and generally aren't obnoxious in anyway.

Of course my scope of obnoxious changes from day to day.

Sometime obnoxious could be someone who can't sit still to just being a guy and sitting next to me, and taking the seat from potentially an attractive female taking that seat. Meh.

[cloudzero]

when i'm in class, i hate when fobs sit next to me. but i hate white people also. black people are ok but they talk a lot.

so i just sit in my own corner and when i see fobs i just stare them down until they sit somewhere else.

i know this is in the men's forum, but i'm akane and i don't care.

whats wrong with fobs?

[kimpossible]

i know this is in the men's forum, but i'm akane and i don't care.

oh how i wish i could give you more karma. you're hardcore and i'm lovin it. *tips hat*

[deez nuts]

i know this is in the men's forum, but i'm akane and i don't care.

we don't really give a shit about a woman posting in the men's forum. it was never an issue with us. the issue was strictly in the women's forum where the complaint was men posting in certain threads in the women's forum.

[SunWuKong]

we don't really give a shit about a woman posting in the men's forum. it was never an issue with us. the issue was strictly in the women's forum where the complaint was men posting in certain threads in the women's forum.

that's probably because this site is inundated with a lot more men than women to begin with.

[deez nuts]

that's probably because this site is inundated with a lot more men than women to begin with.

yup plus it doesn't help the situation that those slutty hapa chicks got banned too. what were their names again? hahaha.

[Adaon]

yup plus it doesn't help the situation that those slutty hapa chicks got banned too. what were their names again? hahaha.

Oh YEAHHHHH. I remember them.

[cool]

dude wtf? that never happens to me.

[eos]

i dislike my ex.
my ex is a fob.
therefore, i dislike fobs.

but seriously, i don't hate them. i am the product of 2. however, i would never go out with one ever again. NEVERRRRRRRRR.
unless he looked like takeshi kaneshiro or jay chou. then MAYBE.

[applehead]

maybe you smell? you should trying taking a shower at least once a day, and doing laundry regularly.

OR it could be the complete opposite.
when i see a really good looking guy, it's hard to make
eye contact. and you notice them from yards away too.
you can't just stare. even if you want to.
so you go out of your way to avoid.

[Craig]

Oh YEAHHHHH. I remember them.Exactly how well do you remember them ?

[Adaon]

Well, specifically, I'm remembering Frink and Fat. My interactions with them weren't particularly slutty in anyway, but you know, YW experiences change and differ from member to member -shrug-. I had some interesting convos with each.

[SunWuKong]

OR it could be the complete opposite.
when i see a really good looking guy, it's hard to make
eye contact. and you notice them from yards away too.
you can't just stare. even if you want to.
so you go out of your way to avoid.

do a lot of girls really do this?

[Napoleon Chynamite]

OR it could be the complete opposite.
when i see a really good looking guy, it's hard to make
eye contact. and you notice them from yards away too.
you can't just stare. even if you want to.
so you go out of your way to avoid.

So this is why you ignore my IMs.

[tripostrophe]

OR it could be the complete opposite.
when i see a really good looking guy, it's hard to make
eye contact. and you notice them from yards away too.
you can't just stare. even if you want to.
so you go out of your way to avoid.

Actually, I think Applehead has a point here. Especially if we're talking about high school. What year are you cloudzero? The best thing to do is probably just going up to them, saying hi and trying to strike up a conversation. See where it leads, and you can eventually ask why they get so nervous around you.

[cloudzero]

Actually, I think Applehead has a point here. Especially if we're talking about high school. What year are you cloudzero? The best thing to do is probably just going up to them, saying hi and trying to strike up a conversation. See where it leads, and you can eventually ask why they get so nervous around you.

im an senior undergraduate. they really don't interest me so i have no plans to talk to them. like i said, its just something i noticed because its been happening a lot recently. i never said it was a bad attention. i just wanted some answers.


OR it could be the complete opposite.
when i see a really good looking guy, it's hard to make
eye contact. and you notice them from yards away too.
you can't just stare. even if you want to.
so you go out of your way to avoid.

i know this may not be the case ALL the time, but thanks for your input

[tripostrophe]

im an senior undergraduate. they really don't interest me so i have no plans to talk to them. like i said, its just something i noticed because its been happening a lot recently. i never said it was a bad attention. i just wanted some answers.




i know this may not be the case ALL the time, but thanks for your input

Dang man, do you not have any ASAs at your college or something? And beyond just trying to get their number or something, just to try and connect with them, in case you've got them all wrong or something, yeah? And then you'll have people there to talk with about stuff like this =P

[applehead]

do a lot of girls really do this?

oh i don't know.
i've never asked any of my friends before.
maybe i should.



So this is why you ignore my IMs.
yes, it embarasses me to make contact with someone so
beautiful.

[eos]

i regularly hold staring contests with good-looking guys.

or i focus my energy to the back of their head until they turn around, so i can get a good, long look.

[tripostrophe]

i regularly hold staring contests with good-looking guys.

or i focus my energy to the back of their head until they turn around, so i can get a good, long look.

haha, isn't that kind of...awkward?

[Banana]

This is Akane we're talking about.

[eos]

^what's that supposed to mean? *stare*

[monkeygone2]

thought we've already established that banana doesn't respond to stares.

[eos]

wait wait wait...so asian radar.

sometimes you can tell if a person is asian or not just by hearing them talk. notice i said SOMETIMES so unbunch those panties.

[cloudzero]

anybody able to analyze the laughing chick?

[tripostrophe]

anybody able to analyze the laughing chick?

yo son, i think you best stop tryin' to analyze, and reckonize!

[tripostrophe]

wait wait wait...so asian radar.

sometimes you can tell if a person is asian or not just by hearing them talk. notice i said SOMETIMES so unbunch those panties.

can you really? because unless they're speaking with an obvious accent, I've never been able to do this...

[cloudzero]

wait wait wait...so asian radar.

sometimes you can tell if a person is asian or not just by hearing them talk. notice i said SOMETIMES so unbunch those panties.

asian radar i mean when someone enters your peripheral vision you notice right away. its obsolete when theres asians everywhere. but when theres one other, its like a light bulb in a dark room.

[mrazntre]

i have hot girl radar

which i call affectionately... slutdar.