grimfan
06-05-2007, 12:50 PM
I don't think this is endemic to Asian culture (see "Everybody Loves Raymond" for an Italian example), but I think it's a widespread issue in Asian families, particularly immigrant ones with 2nd-gen children. Here's how it goes down:
Asian couple immigrate to big bad racist America (or maybe Canada). Carrying over their xenophobic views from back home, they don't try and intermingle with the rest of the population, partly out of fear and partly out of disdain. Traditional Asian husband has the belief that the best husband/father is the one who provides well for his family, so he's focused on working most of the time. He's further burdened by the fact that his accented English and unfamiliar manner separates him from the rest of his co-workers, and thus, he becomes stressed and ignores his wife, perhaps even taking out his anger out on her. Wife becomes all but estranged from her husband, and when the kids are born, they become her raison d'etre. The good son, the one who's smart, athletic, and handsome, becomes the main man in her life, and she regards him as a kind of surrogate husband. When he's a little kid, she has all the influence in the world, but when he grows up, he begins to "act out". She realizes that her beloved son speaks a different language, both figuratively and literally, and as the prospect of him growing up, moving, out, and marrying begins to terrify the Asian mother. As he nears the end of his teenage years, she begins to become more controlling, perhaps even "suggesting" the idea that in the future, he should find a job back in the homeland and live there. Of course, the son doesn't want to uproot himself, and further conflicts ensues. Meanwhile, the Asian father cluelessly looks upon the whole scene.
I know a number of Korean moms who are perfectly fine with their daughters marrying non-Asian men but are violently opposed to their sons marrying non-Asian women. To me, this makes sense because these moms have invested so much into their sons that them marrying into the "enemy" is felt like a personal rejection. None of these moms have very successfully assimilated to North American society, and they most likely see non-Asian women, particularly White women, as confusing and threatening. Thus, thousands of Asian guys are sheltered and pampered too much at home, hindering their ability to function normally in the outside world amongst their peers. The more strong-willed ones are able to break free, albeit at the cost of sacrificing their relationship with their mothers. The weaker ones stay under the yoke and simmer in frustration.
Am I exaggerating, or am I right?
Asian couple immigrate to big bad racist America (or maybe Canada). Carrying over their xenophobic views from back home, they don't try and intermingle with the rest of the population, partly out of fear and partly out of disdain. Traditional Asian husband has the belief that the best husband/father is the one who provides well for his family, so he's focused on working most of the time. He's further burdened by the fact that his accented English and unfamiliar manner separates him from the rest of his co-workers, and thus, he becomes stressed and ignores his wife, perhaps even taking out his anger out on her. Wife becomes all but estranged from her husband, and when the kids are born, they become her raison d'etre. The good son, the one who's smart, athletic, and handsome, becomes the main man in her life, and she regards him as a kind of surrogate husband. When he's a little kid, she has all the influence in the world, but when he grows up, he begins to "act out". She realizes that her beloved son speaks a different language, both figuratively and literally, and as the prospect of him growing up, moving, out, and marrying begins to terrify the Asian mother. As he nears the end of his teenage years, she begins to become more controlling, perhaps even "suggesting" the idea that in the future, he should find a job back in the homeland and live there. Of course, the son doesn't want to uproot himself, and further conflicts ensues. Meanwhile, the Asian father cluelessly looks upon the whole scene.
I know a number of Korean moms who are perfectly fine with their daughters marrying non-Asian men but are violently opposed to their sons marrying non-Asian women. To me, this makes sense because these moms have invested so much into their sons that them marrying into the "enemy" is felt like a personal rejection. None of these moms have very successfully assimilated to North American society, and they most likely see non-Asian women, particularly White women, as confusing and threatening. Thus, thousands of Asian guys are sheltered and pampered too much at home, hindering their ability to function normally in the outside world amongst their peers. The more strong-willed ones are able to break free, albeit at the cost of sacrificing their relationship with their mothers. The weaker ones stay under the yoke and simmer in frustration.
Am I exaggerating, or am I right?