View Full Version : Don't date Asian b/c look like family
The WashPost recently featured a date btwn a hapa female and Asian male.
The hapa female stated that she normally "didn't date Asians" b/c they reminded her of "family members" - but her father is white, so why wouldn't she have the same issue, if not more so, with regard to dating WMs?
Btw, this is a rhetorical question.
deez nuts
05-11-2007, 01:27 PM
her squinty chinky eyes are obstructing her perception.
Craig
05-11-2007, 01:28 PM
You know I relate people that say they don't date Asian because it looks like family, to what a person into bestiality might say "I don't date human because it looks like my species" ... She is an idiot that doesn't warrant you wasting your time worrying about. In fact, perhaps it's better that such morons marry away from the Asian race in that they are contributing to a disfunctional white gene pool and keeping a little stupidity away from the Asian race.
If it was only this girl (or a few girls/guys) - no big deal, however, this type of thinking is quite common among hapas and 100% Asians (for both males and females, though it seems to be a bit more frequent among females).
This really isn't that different from young black girls who associate light-skin dolls w/ "good" and dark-skin dolls w/ "bad."
LaiSteve66
05-11-2007, 02:22 PM
This is probably some self-hating twinkie "hapa" who's bought into the notion that "all Asians look the same".
kimpossible
05-11-2007, 03:06 PM
To explain why some people develop, note I do not say encourage or condone, that perspective it's usually if they don't see or interact with any Asians but the ones they are related to.
this is interesting....when i see my cousins on saturday i will ask them straight out whether or not they would date an asian guy. they both grew up in the suburbs. jeebus, one actually transferred from UIC to a college closer to home cuz she found the city too "diverse" or something.
Banana
05-11-2007, 04:21 PM
lol
Too diverse.
this issue only matters if the girl is hot
cuz she found the city too "diverse" or something.
translation: black ppl scare me.
Banana
05-11-2007, 06:56 PM
translation: black ppl scare me.
Translation: Black people scare me. Asian people might make me look uncool by association. Hispanic people will steal my yob.
^ that last part is true though.
Deadpool
05-12-2007, 04:17 AM
Do you have a link to this article?
I wanna read and throw a hissy fit.
Then maybe I'll cry and go to Eurasianation and ask for hapa validation.
/wrists
my cousins look latina, the oldest one's bestest friend and roomie is half black, they went to schools that didn't have too many asians but it wasn't ALL white either....*shrugs*
my cousins look latina, the oldest one's bestest friend and roomie is half black, they went to schools that didn't have too many asians but it wasn't ALL white either....*shrugs*
yo, set me up with your cousins...but only the hot ones.
No.
oh wait....you're going to be a doctor. so...MAYBE.
No.
oh wait....you're going to be a doctor. so...MAYBE.
Yessssss.....hard work's starting to pay off.
Banana
05-12-2007, 11:49 AM
A foot doctor.
we need one. my mom and i wear heels a lot and our legs and feet are fucked up.
^ dude, less yapping, more posting of hot relative's pictures....chop chop
whoops....i forgot. they're both taken. sorry
Banana
05-12-2007, 01:54 PM
Akane is such a tease.
^ i think you should go for her, leave all the hot russian ladies to me
Banana
05-12-2007, 02:59 PM
She scares me. Very aggressive.
i'm really not in real life. i just play one online cuz it's fun.
your loss anyway.
BeTheReds
05-13-2007, 09:31 AM
This isn't a hapa thing, plenty of full blooded Asian ladies say the exact same thing.
BeTheReds
05-13-2007, 11:04 PM
moving to rant
Banana
05-14-2007, 06:08 AM
I don't believe this excuse for a minute. It's just used as a mask to justify their cracka chasing ways due to their insecure shallow reasons.
TB4000
05-14-2007, 11:21 AM
I never understood that comment. If that was the case, shouldn't blacks, latinos and whites all want to date interracially because their own people remind them of their family members? Or is she just subtly trying for a "all ya'll look alike" thing.
kimpossible
05-14-2007, 12:53 PM
Frequency of interaction. Potentially, if you are half (or whatever) Asian and raised in an all white community where your only interaction with Asians are with ones you're related to or very close family friends it doesn't facilitate the concept of a dating pool.
I'm trying to answer according to the original post. Why one side of the parentage reminds them of family but the other doesn't. It's not just a matter of any non-white person thinks of non-whites as family members but not whites.
I don't really care who hapas want to date so it's not really an issue for me. But I suspect what I wrote above accounts largely for the reasoning to the people who feel that way. Most people shy away from anything that feels 'familiar' in sexual attraction. The emotional hurdle, I would guess, is unreasonably feeling related to ethnicity rather than the individual.
BigLew
05-14-2007, 12:55 PM
^What about oedipus complex?
kimpossible
05-14-2007, 12:56 PM
Do I look like a fucking Magic Eightball?
BigLew
05-14-2007, 12:58 PM
Do I look like a fucking Magic Eightball?
Yes.
I can understand them. Her view isn't really wrong.
^so you're a self-hating asian also? or just play one online? either way, crap all over another forum.
Adaon
05-14-2007, 04:02 PM
I can understand them. Her view isn't really wrong.
In this particular section of YW, it's better than you put out some quality with the quantity of input. How'd you get to this conclusion?
BeTheReds
05-14-2007, 10:01 PM
Based on what kimpossible said up at the top, I can understand why people might think that way. Afterall it makes sense that if your only interaction with Asians is with your own family, you will internalize subconsiously that Asians are your family and everyone else is not. Whites on the other hand, even if they are your family, there's plenty of interaction with non family member whites.
Do I agree with her view, absolutely not, but I understand it for sure.
Craig
05-14-2007, 10:21 PM
Based on what kimpossible said up at the top, I can understand why people might think that way. Afterall it makes sense that if your only interaction with Asians is with your own family, you will internalize subconsiously that Asians are your family and everyone else is not. Whites on the other hand, even if they are your family, there's plenty of interaction with non family member whites.
Do I agree with her view, absolutely not, but I understand it for sure.I know a white guy who developed an Asian fetish. He told me and my friend that he was only interested in Asians because if he dated a white girl it would remind him of his sister. (He mentioned this several years after he graduated from the university, and we knew him from high school before he had the fetish.)
BeTheReds
05-14-2007, 10:43 PM
I know a white guy who developed an Asian fetish. He told me and my friend that he was only interested in Asians because if he dated a white girl it would remind him of his sister. (He mentioned this several years after he graduated from the university, and we knew him from high school before he had the fetish.)
Shrug... people like to use the family excuse to justify relationships that they feel people aren't comfortable with instead of not giving a shit and just doing what they want despite what other people think?
mr. x
05-14-2007, 11:54 PM
I know a white guy who developed an Asian fetish. He told me and my friend that he was only interested in Asians because if he dated a white girl it would remind him of his sister. (He mentioned this several years after he graduated from the university, and we knew him from high school before he had the fetish.)
Shoulda been all like "Aright, lemme at them white pantays..." rub your fists together and lick your lips while your marijuana glazed eyeballs squint into his soul
buttermilkwise
05-15-2007, 12:39 AM
I don't believe this excuse for a minute. It's just used as a mask to justify their cracka chasing ways due to their insecure shallow reasons.
The strangest thing I reflect upon my life is that I've never even dated an asian girl before. Only white girls who happened be rather cute. I guess that should by definition make me an insecure asshole, I don't believe i'm one especially regarding specfic circumstances so I think there are more factors involved before you can come to that conclusion regarding a Hapa or asian female.
LaiSteve66
05-15-2007, 08:11 AM
I don't date hapas because they look too much like me and my brother.
kimpossible
05-15-2007, 08:56 AM
I don't think this is any worse than some of the dating antipathy some (full-blooded) Asian Americans have toward fobs.
AngryABCGirl
05-15-2007, 10:06 AM
I don't think this is any worse than some of the dating antipathy some (full-blooded) Asian Americans have toward fobs.
That's whole another animal right there, but I think a lot of the same reasoning pervades in that situation as well. I know a lot of people who consider themselves "ethnically conscious" or even "Asian American Activists" who are aghast at the idea of marrying someone who wasn't born in the US. Personally I think it reminds them of some oppressive family member or they associate fobs with an Asian cultural trait they don't agree with (and I have been guilty of this as well and really have to deal with it now being in Asia) or that they are some foreign species incapable of relating to them, when in the rules of dating and relationships it really in the end depends on the person.
Cultural understanding is an important factor to understanding another human being, but it's nowhere near the most important or overriding in capability.
That being said, in my own case based on experiences and shit in my own head, I am a bit wary about dating a full-on fob (such as here in Asia) or a second gen-er because ideas about relationships in Asia tend to lean more on more what I see as unhealthy co-depenency and the more passive role of the woman. It's not true in every case of course, but it's rather incompatible with my values and lifestyle out of what I want out of a relationship at this point in my life- which is not very seriously cause I'm in my early twenties and a lot more interested on starting my career.
That being said I am also REALLY warily of I dating on a full-on Asian American activist cause I see that as a pile full of package waiting to explode like a mess, speaking from experience here.
Napoleon Chynamite
05-15-2007, 10:43 AM
I don't see why looking like family is bad. There are some hot cousins I wouldn't mind popping. I mean, before I found out they were related.
Against my better judgment I'm going to post this because my desire to attract attention by saying stupid things overrides my desire to avoid social ridicule and guilt.
i wouldn't even THINK of going out with a recent arrival. communication barriers and all that crap. i still think my bf, who's been here since he was 13, is a fob.
Craig
05-15-2007, 11:04 AM
Shoulda been all like "Aright, lemme at them white pantays..." rub your fists together and lick your lips while your marijuana glazed eyeballs squint into his soulI actually don't think the guy would have minded or cared; However, he seemed uncomfortable with the realization that white girls weren't open to East Asian guys. I remember back in high school, he had me pretend to be him on the phone calling up white girls to get him a date (well our high school was ~98% white). Nevertheless, I haven't talked to him in like 6 years.
TB4000
05-15-2007, 12:40 PM
I don't see why looking like family is bad. There are some hot cousins I wouldn't mind popping. I mean, before I found out they were related.
Against my better judgment I'm going to post this because my desire to attract attention by saying stupid things overrides my desire to avoid social ridicule and guilt.
.........I'm done.
yoMAMA
05-15-2007, 01:31 PM
we all look alike.
what else is new.
Space_Cabbage
05-15-2007, 03:31 PM
The WashPost recently featured a date btwn a hapa female and Asian male.
The hapa female stated that she normally "didn't date Asians" b/c they reminded her of "family members" - but her father is white, so why wouldn't she have the same issue, if not more so, with regard to dating WMs?
Btw, this is a rhetorical question.
Ugh. This is how a lot of the asian girls think where I live. Its ridiculous how white washed they are.:rolleyes:
dude....i keep tellin ya:
MOVE TO THE SOUTH SIDE. north side's overplayed, expensive, and full of trixies and chads who aren't aware that they are idiots.
Adaon
05-15-2007, 03:51 PM
dude....i keep tellin ya:
MOVE TO THE SOUTH SIDE. north side's overplayed, expensive, and full of trixies and chads who aren't aware that they are idiots.
trixies and chads? o.O
BeTheReds
05-15-2007, 05:41 PM
I've always heard it as Buffy and Chad.
If u don't know who Buffy and Chad are... watch any kind of show related to Spring Break Daytona, any one episode of "Paradise Hotel". It's full of them.
just go to chicago's cl. there's always some ranting post about trixies and chads taking over some neighborhood or other. *yawn*
trixie...dunno where it came from, but it fits.
hooligan
05-15-2007, 09:21 PM
I, in fact, only date asian because they look like family.
hooligan
05-15-2007, 09:22 PM
Do I look like a fucking Magic Eightball?
I've seen the preggo pics, do you really want an answer?
AngryABCGirl
05-16-2007, 03:55 AM
I don't see why looking like family is bad. There are some hot cousins I wouldn't mind popping. I mean, before I found out they were related.
Against my better judgment I'm going to post this because my desire to attract attention by saying stupid things overrides my desire to avoid social ridicule and guilt.
hahahahaha!
kimpossible
05-16-2007, 08:16 AM
I've seen the preggo pics, do you really want an answer?
Only after a vigorous shaking.
To explain why some people develop, note I do not say encourage or condone, that perspective it's usually if they don't see or interact with any Asians but the ones they are related to.
Frequency of interaction. Potentially, if you are half (or whatever) Asian and raised in an all white community where your only interaction with Asians are with ones you're related to or very close family friends it doesn't facilitate the concept of a dating pool.
I'm trying to answer according to the original post. Why one side of the parentage reminds them of family but the other doesn't. It's not just a matter of any non-white person thinks of non-whites as family members but not whites.
I don't really care who hapas want to date so it's not really an issue for me. But I suspect what I wrote above accounts largely for the reasoning to the people who feel that way. Most people shy away from anything that feels 'familiar' in sexual attraction. The emotional hurdle, I would guess, is unreasonably feeling related to ethnicity rather than the individual.
While that is the "academic" rationale - one does note that this type of "thinking" is (1) more prevalent among hapas/AFs than hapas/AMs who have grown up w/o much interaction w/ other Asians and (2) more prevalent among hapas/Asians than other groups - say... black adoptees into white families or half black-half white persons who grew up with their white parent (Halle Berry, Alicia Keys, Brack Obama, etc.).
I don't see why looking like family is bad. There are some hot cousins I wouldn't mind popping. I mean, before I found out they were related.
Against my better judgment I'm going to post this because my desire to attract attention by saying stupid things overrides my desire to avoid social ridicule and guilt.
pics plz
Adaon
05-16-2007, 04:14 PM
pics plz
What's the sound of one hand typing? Tony! FAP FAP FAP. :biggrin:
Banana
05-16-2007, 04:38 PM
this is interesting....when i see my cousins on saturday i will ask them straight out whether or not they would date an asian guy. they both grew up in the suburbs. jeebus, one actually transferred from UIC to a college closer to home cuz she found the city too "diverse" or something.
So, what happened?
didn't come up cuz i was too busy getting drunk and singing.
cloudzerox
06-26-2007, 08:34 AM
yes, it is an excuse.
the argument of blacks proves it. also if she is dating a black then i would believe her.
in the western world it is more about romance and romance comes from looks.
what she doesn't know is what she will be getting her children into by marrying non-asians.
Asians get darker in the sun.
Whites get cancer in the sun.
Whites live shorter lives than asians, about 10 extra years as a widow.
whites have a higher chance of getting prostate cancer.
im missing a few more but these are what i have at the moment.
May confuscious have mercy on her future generations.
huangalex
07-02-2007, 12:23 AM
It's because they hate themselves and how they look. Then they change their names to Pandora Box and paradoxically market themselves as these enigmatic wonders of the Steamy East.
enzoeva
07-02-2007, 09:05 PM
i've never heard this reason from women of other ethnicities.
oh, asian women, you so crazy!
Banana
07-03-2007, 03:17 AM
Interestingly enough, I like to date Asian women because they specifically remind me of my family.
Dimeron
07-03-2007, 08:16 AM
Oedipus complex? Freud says that sons are attracted to the mother and daughter to the father. Most of those Haps have white father and Asian mother afterall.
Adaon
07-03-2007, 09:50 AM
Seriously guys, even as a guy, I'm getting sick of reading the broad general sweeping statements about Asian women and they're "self"-hating/depreciating/etc. No two women are alike, and just the fact you're going to slap a label across every AF/WM/BM/whatever other non Asian Male relationship is pretty indicative of how narrow minded you can be.
Minus the outside chance that some of the relationships are based on some issue either the Asian woman/Non Asian man has to deal with in a negative aspect (as in lack of self image, Asian-phile tendencies, White Worship, WHATEVER), IR relationships are still JUST relationships. Takes two to tango, and if your chosen dance partner doesn't wanna dance with ya, move on. They chose who they wanna be with, and other than the obviously unhealthy-off balance/abusive relationships, what the hell do you guys think you're doing judging them?
Man, no wonder the regulars leave threads like this one to the new folk. Same shit, different day, and eventually ya catch the broken record syndrome of repetitiveness...
i'm korean and i remember when i was younger (around 19-22) (i'm 31 now), i didn't want any korean girls because they reminded me of my mother :puke: so i wanted chinese or japanese or vietanmese chicks. but then i went to korea and realized how awesome korean chicks were and that's all i do now :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin:
thaite
07-05-2007, 12:31 AM
That being said I am also REALLY warily of I dating on a full-on Asian American activist cause I see that as a pile full of package waiting to explode like a mess, speaking from experience here.
Wow, now that's exactly what I think of Bay Area chicks.
Paradox
07-05-2007, 08:34 AM
Seriously guys, even as a guy, I'm getting sick of reading the broad general sweeping statements about Asian women and they're "self"-hating/depreciating/etc. No two women are alike, and just the fact you're going to slap a label across every AF/WM/BM/whatever other non Asian Male relationship is pretty indicative of how narrow minded you can be.
Minus the outside chance that some of the relationships are based on some issue either the Asian woman/Non Asian man has to deal with in a negative aspect (as in lack of self image, Asian-phile tendencies, White Worship, WHATEVER), IR relationships are still JUST relationships. Takes two to tango, and if your chosen dance partner doesn't wanna dance with ya, move on. They chose who they wanna be with, and other than the obviously unhealthy-off balance/abusive relationships, what the hell do you guys think you're doing judging them?
Man, no wonder the regulars leave threads like this one to the new folk. Same shit, different day, and eventually ya catch the broken record syndrome of repetitiveness...
It's mentioned all the time because it's such a uniquely and all encompassing Asian-american issue. Let's be realistic here, there is really no other minority in America that has this glaring problem with dating and gender disparity. It's pretty hard to dismiss even in casual conversation. Hell, i've had a lot of people of OTHER ethnicities comment on it out of the blue. It's even used as a social weapon to further stigmatize and stereotype asian men AND women.
Let's put it this way. Even though a lot of asian activist types dance around this sensitive subject it really is the defining issue for asian-americans. It's the bull in the china shop.
tripostrophe
07-05-2007, 11:25 AM
It's mentioned all the time because it's such a uniquely and all encompassing Asian-american issue. Let's be realistic here, there is really no other minority in America that has this glaring problem with dating and gender disparity. It's pretty hard to dismiss even in casual conversation. Hell, i've had a lot of people of OTHER ethnicities comment on it out of the blue. It's even used as a social weapon to further stigmatize and stereotype asian men AND women.
Let's put it this way. Even though a lot of asian activist types dance around this sensitive subject it really is the defining issue for asian-americans. It's the bull in the china shop.
AHHHHAHRh!H!H!
When you say all-encompassing, are you referring to all members of the community (as in this affects every person in the APIA community), or all the issues that are a part of it (racism, sexism, sexist racism, gender, sexuality, etc.)?
I think every other group must have at least some rate of outmarriage/interracial dating, but yes it may be a bit more pronounced in our community. But we have to step back and look at the societal influences and the effects they have on this.
And I don't think anyone's dancing around the subject. It's just that we've beaten it to death. And so far, it seems that no practical solutions have arisen. Just a misguided hate.
What do you (or anyone here) propose as a solution to this IR dating disparity problem?
Obviously media plays a big role. So don't watch movies that promote AF/WM couples at the expense of a) AMs or b) the AFs dignity, independence, etc. (though women do tend to lose this in movie portrayals in general).
Be allies to feminist APIAs, even if they aren't allies to the APIA cause -- this opens up possibilities in their mind, and may eventually cause them to turn from "colorblind" feminist thinking and/or encourage them to embrace their APIA identity as well.
Education! But don't focus too much on how AMs get screwed over -- if you think about it, that's probably not one of the major reasons for the dating disparity. It's the sexual objectification, exotification, and fetishization of Asian women. If they weren't seen as exotic sexual objects in the first place, we wouldn't have as big of a problem. Because regardless of how much you put another person down, the best way to win people to you is to point out/create positive characteristics in you or the third party that distinguish you from your opponent. (i.e. make white manhood superior; compliment Asian femininity as having an "exotic appeal," with something that sets them "apart" from the rest, i.e. men.)
AngryABCGirl
07-05-2007, 11:47 AM
Wow, now that's exactly what I think of Bay Area chicks.
Wow really? With so many Asians in bay, a lot of Bay area Asians are pretty apathetic to a lot of Asian Am issues unless they live in poorer areas because a lot of things just don't affect them. But it's also the activist stronghold as well, so will encounter them frequently.
The reason why I mentioned that though, is that a lot of hardcore activists are really into marxist stuff, and I'm like no kthanx. Also it's hard being around someone angry and high strung all the time. Unless said individual does something that isn't necessarily identity-driven, such as say, working at a domestic shelter or immigrant resource center, and not something like an Asian American Studies professor. Otherwise identity becomes a huge hanging issue that can never be defined. That's just not fun to deal with all day especially since my sense of self and the way I define myself in the world is vastly different on the ideological spectrum than many Asian American activists types. To put it simply though, they think I'm too big a fob for them sometimes, and that's messed up because I've done a lot of community work that falls under classic Asian Am ideology.
AngryABCGirl
07-05-2007, 12:01 PM
It's mentioned all the time because it's such a uniquely and all encompassing Asian-american issue. Let's be realistic here, there is really no other minority in America that has this glaring problem with dating and gender disparity. It's pretty hard to dismiss even in casual conversation. Hell, i've had a lot of people of OTHER ethnicities comment on it out of the blue. It's even used as a social weapon to further stigmatize and stereotype asian men AND women.
Let's put it this way. Even though a lot of asian activist types dance around this sensitive subject it really is the defining issue for asian-americans. It's the bull in the china shop.
I think it's true that it's all-encompassing, as in it affects all Asian American to a certain extent or that we all know about it, even people like me who lived a predominantly Asian (or some would say ghettoized) community.
Maybe it is definitive in that way- because everyone knows about it. And it goes on and I don't have a solution other than educating people about it (to Asian girls: racist love ain't love, but you'll probably only learn that in an ethnic studies class somewhere) and cussing out and bringing out my inner thug and being frightening when men make passes at me and hollar because I'm an Asian female. Maybe I don't relate because I've dated almost exclusively Chinese men (and no Whites). But I can relate to being sick of guys complaining about the same issue who blame Asian women even though it's society that's excoifies us.
But the way I see, there's a lot more important shit going out there for Asian Americans in terms of people in poverty, immigration struggles, lack of access to equal education for many, lack of access to media venues- things that keep people from having jobs that help them live day to day that are more important to be as an Asian American activist type. I think a lot of people who complain about this issue the most are middle and upper class Asians who don't realize there is more shit out there happening to our people than their pride getting hurt over dating disparity.
Like I'm sad that a lot of Asian-Americans have the whole weak identity complex, but I don't see people making much of an effort to support Asians in the media for all the whining that goes on circulating this issue and about it, so I can get kind of sick of it. Plus it's so often male-centric that they aren't seeing beyond such a narrow scope, it's like guys act like they only care they can't get a date, and don't care to think how women get affected by this.
And that, my friends, is lame.
Banana
07-05-2007, 03:04 PM
The personal is political.
huangalex
07-06-2007, 12:06 AM
There's nothing that can be done about this thread always returning because it's tied to that whole media perception thing that precedes all others.
tripostrophe
07-06-2007, 01:12 AM
I think it's true that it's all-encompassing, as in it affects all Asian American to a certain extent or that we all know about it, even people like me who lived a predominantly Asian (or some would say ghettoized) community.
Maybe it is definitive in that way- because everyone knows about it. And it goes on and I don't have a solution other than educating people about it (to Asian girls: racist love ain't love, but you'll probably only learn that in an ethnic studies class somewhere) and cussing out and bringing out my inner thug and being frightening when men make passes at me and hollar because I'm an Asian female. Maybe I don't relate because I've dated almost exclusively Chinese men (and no Whites). But I can relate to being sick of guys complaining about the same issue who blame Asian women even though it's society that's excoifies us.
But the way I see, there's a lot more important shit going out there for Asian Americans in terms of people in poverty, immigration struggles, lack of access to equal education for many, lack of access to media venues- things that keep people from having jobs that help them live day to day that are more important to be as an Asian American activist type. I think a lot of people who complain about this issue the most are middle and upper class Asians who don't realize there is more shit out there happening to our people than their pride getting hurt over dating disparity.
Like I'm sad that a lot of Asian-Americans have the whole weak identity complex, but I don't see people making much of an effort to support Asians in the media for all the whining that goes on circulating this issue and about it, so I can get kind of sick of it. Plus it's so often male-centric that they aren't seeing beyond such a narrow scope, it's like guys act like they only care they can't get a date, and don't care to think how women get affected by this.
And that, my friends, is lame.
Hm I guess I can see how it is all-encompassing and definitive to our community. But one problem that I think you noted is that education on stuff like this usually only occurs in everyday life in classes where the focus is specifically on race (+ gender/sexuality/class/etc.). And of course, we do have a tendency (because of what we've been taught by our parents) to ignore such potentially uncomfortable issues as race, gender, (domestic) abuse, sexuality, sex (as in having sex), rape, depression, mental health issues and such, unless/until they come up. And even when they do, such issues are usually dealt with in a manner that isn't really helpful (ostracization, ignoring the problem, placing the blame on the victim, "can't be helped," "ignore them and press on" ... ). So we don't have much education or opportunities for it, nor enough interest outweighing the discomfort factor (it's all very interesting and all, but I don't want to be seen as/become one of those angry radicals who make a big deal out of nothing...) .
And I'm glad you deal with men hitting on you as you do, but what can we as APIA males do to empower our sisters? It seems that all we've been focusing on is ourselves and our own image, and often improving that comes at the cost of degrading/objectifying women.
And yeah, I guess there are bigger issues that we should be focusing on (and I think we do, at least some of us), but as you've said, the IR dating disparity has grown into an all-encompassing, definitive issue. I think a lot hangs on this because the thinking has sort of become (at least for males) "If you're not with us on this, then we can't accept you/take you seriously on other issues affecting the APIA community." It's like a litmus test that's selectively applied to APIA females. (Correct me if you think otherwise). Obviously, this kind of thinking is skewed, but there needs to be an approach for both males and females.
Females probably need the education that allows them to make informed choices when it comes to partners. Of course, an informed choice doesn't have to mean an APIA male, but it should definitely be someone who respects her (in every way), appreciates her APIA identity as an integral part of who she is, and helps to nurture that identity as an essential part of understanding her self.
Males need to stop focusing so much on the negatives. A lot have become much too cynical towards the females, and seem to paint them all with one broad stroke -- thus, "sellouts" become the norm, rather than the exception.
Whether or not statistics support this, this kind of thinking leads to the stereotyping of APIA females as enemies, rather than allies. A number of negative attributes usually applied to those who are more invested in the model minority myth than the APIA identity are used to characterize females, and thus being an APIA female is equated with being part of the "system," or the "enemy," when really they should be viewed no differently from any other APIA (male), i.e. as part of the community
But yeah, what can we do really to support Asians in the media? I guess the most basic thing would be to go out and support artists by...buying their albums? :confused:
:tongue: What else beyond that though? I feel as if we can lend our support in an indie music/grassroots kind of way, but a) [our numbers are still too small]/[our community is still too disorganized] for us to really be able to present ourselves as a demographic worth marketing to, and b) I'm pretty sure there's racism within the media/entertainment industry to such a degree that even if we were to rally and demand more faces and voices like ours, we'd just be ignored (which ties back into our lack of power, numbers, and unity).
But yeah, I guess the analysis is male-centric, and it seems that whenever we see a negative portrayal, it goes like:
1. if person is male, focus anger and blame on
a) individual (for selling out) or
b) the (racist) system
2. if person is female, focus anger and blame on
a) individual (for selling out) or
b) APIA females, for being part of the system.
It's like we have a selective attention when it comes to noticing who's not there in the struggle. Males have bought into the system just as much as females, but we seem to concentrate our wrath on women, for some reason*. I think there's probably an equal number of each, but maybe not. Personally, for some reason I seem to equate APIA activism with females.
But that aside, if there are less females involved with the struggle, it's probably going to be because of the patriarchy within our community -- no different from any other community (not that it's right). But APIA women (using this interchangeably with female) who do work are probably relegated to second tier positions, at least in presentation of leaders within the community, unless their work also ties in with feminism/womanism. Happens everywhere. And those that don't -- well, if all you hear is "Asian women are sellout whores" all the time, you probably don't have as much incentive to join people who hold such a low opinion of you ("but you're an exception"), than if they were to treat them as equals (meaning they may still be critical, but without having to resort to sexist attacks).
*Maybe, relating back to this post (http://www.reappropriate.com/?p=761) re: women being shouted down and harassed when they become too opinionated, males are relying on the chorus of angry men to back them, regardless of what they say, whenever the topic of the IR dating disparity comes up?
huangalex
07-06-2007, 02:00 AM
Asian Woman's the daughter of a ninja and must either betray her clan to be the sidekick of our White Everyman hero or is a would-be assassin that falls in love with him. Interestingly enough, Asian Man takes a role in this myth as the oppressive patriarch. Why we take parts like those both on and off screen, I don't know.
This (http://bigbadchinesemama.com/) is a pretty weird site by performance artist Kristina Wong about the fetish thing.
vBulletin® v3.7.0, Copyright ©2000-2008, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.