How do you let a man know you're not really interested (LADIES ONLY)

[Hiroshi2]

So........................a guy shows an interest in you, calls you up, maybe even takes you out...............but you're not really interested anymore for whatever reason. Hell maybe you never really were but just went along cause you had nothing better to do. In any case, how do you let him know that? Or do you? What do you do in this situation?



I think I'm on the recieving end of such treatment and I'd really like to know before I waste any more time and energy with this girl.

[eos]

i don't go out with a guy if i don't like him. and if for some reason i fall out of like with a guy, i tell him straight out. why waste both our time and effort? what has she said or done to make you think this way?

[applehead]

stop answering his phone calls?
avoidance.
no email reply?

[Hiroshi2]

stop answering his phone calls?
avoidance.
no email reply?



^ Yeah that kind of stuff. I sent her an email that I knew she was gonna get a laugh out of (youtube clip attached) and she hasn't said anything about it yet (or replied to it). It's kind of an inside thing, but I knew she would love it.

I can't help but bump into her every day or two (small school, we're in the same class) but it's like we just haven't talked very much since Saturday night. I've only called her once though, maybe I'm trippin?

I know people are busy, so i try not to trip. When I do see her, it's in the middle of the day when we're both trying to get things done and don't have time for chit chat or anything.

Maybe I'm just anxious and/or nervous. I've been feeling this girl for a minute now, I just got the nerve to go and ask her out after doing lunch a couple of times. I hate the fact that i waited until the end of the year when she's getting ready to go back home to ask her out, but shit whatever. I just didn't want to do anything like call her TOO much or bother her with questions like, "why didn't you return my call?" or whatever.


I shouldn't be worried about this shit. We both have final exams next week. I think more than anything maybe I'm just wish we'd talk again, like I said I haven't talked to her for more than 5 minutes since then, I want to catch back up with her again.

[moser]

First I'll try to let the guy down easy by not responding to e-mails or calls, telling the guy that I have other plans/am too busy every time he asks what I'm doing.

If they (1) refuse to take no for an answer and/or (2) try to find a roundabout way of getting in contact with me, I then respond by telling them flat out that although I'm flattered, no (or just "f*ck off," depending on how much they knew of the fact that I wasn't interested and kept on asking anyway).

[AdornA]

Well i'm in the same situation.There's a boy who loves me but i don't but i don't want to hurt his feelings because i know how one feels when he doesn't get his love but i can't even stay with him neither do i want to hurt him. i don't really know what to do. Do you have any advices for me?

[slipperyfish]

This sorta happened to me as well. A guy was moving way to fast for me but I played a long "not ont on the fast part but pretended to enjoy the rest of the date. then never called him again =\ i know it's harsh but that's a real turn off -_-

[Hiroshi2]

What do you call "moving way too fast"?

[slipperyfish]

Like hands on when it's the first date. And smothering. It's super uncomfortable. Well for me atleast. I've had this happen a couple of times. I back away but they don't get the hint. I don't give the wrong impression either so maybe it's just my share of bad luck in those type of situations.

[Hiroshi2]

Oh good I never did shit like that.



Oh and for the record: I hate feelings. I fucking hate them.

[applehead]

well, i guess women aren't much different from men.
they probably do what you would do if you weren't
interested in her.

i know.

but even if she was busy. she would have called to just say hi?

[eos]

just recently i helped my friend nurse a broken heart because the guy she adored didn't have the balls to tell her he liked and was going to ask out someone else. i couldn't stand to see my friend so lost and confused so i stepped up and asked him straight out: wtf, dude? he said he was waiting for the right time to tell my friend. still hasn't, so i guess i did the dirty work for him. jerk.

[hkRT]

It's hard to tell between shy and not interested. If not interested, I'll probably just turn down the date, say I am busy. If just want to be friends, will ask to go out in groups, sometimes call him my brother and encourage the guy to date another girl. If I'm interested but shy, I'll probably do nothing until I know the other person is interested, but that could be mistaken for being not interested. But I think if both are interested, it should not be too difficult to tell in time. The problem is how can you be sure? Arrrgh, this is all too complicated.

I suppose it really depends on the personality. I have a female co-worker who's really aggressive. She said she is never shy to let a guy know she's interested. She was the one that asked her husband out on their first date.

Is it the same for guys? How do guys know if they are not really interested?

[Tao]

Is it the same for guys? How do guys know if they are not really interested?

personally, i'd know a girl i'm after isn't interested if she doesn't seem all that enthused to talk to me. Like one good way to test the waters is to invite her out to just hang out, or if you're in school, to study together, just the two of you. If it seems like she's not super thrilled that you asked her..chances are she's not interested...at least from my experience.

the annoying part of it is if a girl is interested, but is just really, really shy and is afraid to show her feelings, and over compensates the other way by totally ignoring the guy or acting especially cold towards him. I feel like more immature girls resort to those kinds of tactics cause they don't know how to handle their feelings and are ashamed/afraid to be in that kind of situation....needless to say i missed out on a lot of chances to date really pretty classmates when i was in junior high/ high school...sucks man, i tell ya.

i guess the message is to girls, and guys, if you like someone or don't like someone please please make it clear in the beginning.

[hkRT]

But talking could just mean friends. I think there's usually some nonverbal cues to show whether the person is interested or not, besides friends... I could be wrong though....

Things like doing nice things for the person when they don't have to, smiling a lot when the person is around, loving and supporting what the person said even when it's not that well said or even embarrassing, being around lots when the person is also there, changing seats to sit next to that person but then not talking a lot :confused:, talking quite a bit when alone with that person, etc, etc. I've met a guy that has been like that to me. I don't know if he is interested or not.... Are these things too subtle to mean anything? At first, I wasn't instantly interested in him but he grew on me. I found him more and more attractive mainly because he's a really good hearted person and we seem to share common interests, enjoy talking about similar things. But I think there has been some misunderstanding... we have lost touch. We have moved onto different things. That's about it. I think he's probably just a nice guy but not necessarily interested in me. I was just thinking, shouldn't a guy take more initiative to show he is interested? If the girl has to take a lot of initiative, doesn't it say maybe the guy is not all that interested?

[kasia]

there are various easy ways. you can say: 1) i have a bf. or 2) i can't get over my ex-bf. or 3) i was sexually abused as a child and don't feel ready for a relationship. or just plain avoiding. i feel like a lot of asian women (i'm not sure about other races) do the above just because they want to avoid confrontation. you kinda just work the excuse into the conversation and hope he'll get the hint or avoid like crazy and hope he'll get the hint.

sometimes, she may be into you, though, but would like to be chased. you can tell just through her normal interaction with you. how did the conversation go when you called her?

[Hiroshi2]

^ I think most women in general would rather avoid confrontation (not saying it's a bad thing - a lot of men are crazy), and so would try to hint at an indirect, nonthreatening way of getting the message across.


When we talk, the conversation is very......................well, normal. I'm not sure what you mean? Do you want to know if the conversation was really sexual (it wasn't)? Do you want to know if she threw some subtle hints at me (if she did, they were too subtle, because I didn't really notice).


Sometimes I wonder if she's just being a nice person, as opposed to showing an interest in me. And besides that, she doesn't return my calls or e-mails half the time. And though I don't mind chasing, I don't want to chase her too much - she may not be looking for a chase and I end up looking like a desperate guy who just "doesn't get it" and doesn't realize she wants to be left alone. SO I leave it alone after awhile. I haven't talked to her in five days because of this.

[eos]

dude, she doesn't return calls or emails? *smacks your head* she's just not into you!!! if i liked a guy and he called me or emailed, i'd answer on the first ring or email right back. i mean, come on, does this sound normal: "oh i like him and i'll show him by NOT calling or emailing back!"
either it's this or she's playing games....at which point you don't want to be with her anyway, right? i make no apologies when i say this: girls who play games are beeyotches and make the rest of us decent ones look bad.

[Napoleon Chynamite]

^ Decent ones? I'm sorry, do we live on the same planet?

*Runs* Sorry, I know, girls only. xD~

[Adaon]

^ Decent ones? I'm sorry, do we live on the same planet?

*Runs* Sorry, I know, girls only. xD~

Hahaha. Couldn't resist. =)

Hey Jei. Had a hashing out with the chica in question that I went to all that effort for. She'd make a good gal pal. =P Aite, I'm outta this thread before I get more negative karma.

[Hiroshi2]

dude, she doesn't return calls or emails? *smacks your head* she's just not into you!!! if i liked a guy and he called me or emailed, i'd answer on the first ring or email right back. i mean, come on, does this sound normal: "oh i like him and i'll show him by NOT calling or emailing back!"
either it's this or she's playing games....at which point you don't want to be with her anyway, right? i make no apologies when i say this: girls who play games are beeyotches and make the rest of us decent ones look bad.




Exactly what I was thinking.


Now I told one of my homeboys about this last night - and he said, "well she is in the process of moving back home (to the Midwest from Alabama for the summer). But still. I've moved shit from one city to another before. It doesn't take 7 full days of not being able to do anything else but move. She's like 6 hours away from home. I really do think she's just bullshitting................