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Faithless
07-23-2006, 09:14 PM
... wedding. :eek:

The 20-year-olds met as high school juniors about four years ago, began dating just before starting college and got engaged last year. They're best friends and soul mates and are deeply in love, but they have never done one thing most couples do: kiss.

Couple's first kiss to come at wedding -- After two 20-year-olds exchange vows next Sunday, they'll lock lips for the first time. And they say waiting just makes it all the sweeter. (http://www.twincities.com/mld/twincities/15098468.htm)

Posted on Sun, Jul. 23, 2006 | BY NANCY YANG | Pioneer Press

"You may now kiss the bride" is going to a whole new level with Stephanie Harasyn and JJ LaBouliere.

The 20-year-olds met as high school juniors about four years ago, began dating just before starting college and got engaged last year. They're best friends and soul mates and are deeply in love, but they have never done one thing most couples do: kiss.

They will for the first time July 30, when they exchange their vows.

Harasyn, who lives in Woodbury, was 11 when she heard from an older cousin about waiting until marriage for her first kiss. "I thought: 'Whoa. That would be so cool to tell my kids that the only person I've ever kissed was their dad.'

"And to get your first kiss ever on your wedding day? That's so cool to me," she said.

Harasyn and LaBouliere met at New Life Academy in Woodbury. He was a new student in a class of about 36, sticking out among the others.

"It sounds so cliché, but on my first day my junior year, I saw her and thought she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen," LaBouliere said.

As seniors, they were cast opposite each other in a school play and became friends. It was while they were growing closer that LaBouliere learned of Harasyn's vow to save her first kiss for her wedding day.

They began dating the summer before their freshman year at different Twin Cities universities: Harasyn attends Bethel University and wants to teach physical education someday; LaBouliere goes to the University of St. Thomas, where he is studying mechanical engineering.

LaBouliere said he had reservations at first about not kissing Harasyn — he had kissed other girls he dated. But "as we grew closer," he said, "it became more than worth it."

Part of that is because of the stronger relationship that has grown from spending more time communicating, bonding and developing deeper respect for each other, they said. And while the two don't kiss, they do hug and hold hands.

Sherri Nicholson knows what they're talking about. She and her husband, Jason, waited until their wedding day two years ago for their first kiss. The Nicholsons, who met at school in Minnesota and now live in South Carolina, became parents about a year ago.

"It is pretty special, because not having a lot of physical affection in your dating relationship, you really develop a lot of communication," she said. "I actually got Lyme disease two months into our marriage and was really sick.

"I was thankful for our relationship of friendship and communication because that really is much more lasting and important."

Some counselors agree that the approach could have benefits; others say it might not make much difference in the strength of the relationship in the long run.

"They have developed something that most couples don't — and this is the part that is really wonderful — they had to spend their time doing other things," said Karen Gail Lewis, a longtime marriage and family therapist who has also written books about relationships but does not know Harasyn and LaBouliere. "They had to spend their time having good times together."

Other experts caution, however, that the choice could lead to problems with expectations or physical intimacy for some couples.

"Physical chemistry is a huge part of whether a relationship works or not and frankly, kissing should be a 'try before you buy' scenario," said Lisa Daily, a syndicated dating columnist and author.

LaBouliere and Harasyn say they get an array of opinions when they tell people about their vow. Some are inspired by it; others question it.

"At first, my friends thought it was a little odd that we were going to go from doing nothing to everything," LaBouliere said.

And as the wedding approaches, the nerves are showing up — especially as Harasyn knows her first kiss will be before friends and family. "I keep wanting to plan it, telling him maybe we should count or something," Harasyn admitted. "But JJ's like, 'You can't do that.' "

Alison Neibling, Harasyn's best friend and maid of honor, said her bridesmaids have come up with their own ideas to ensure the kiss goes smoothly.

"One of the bridesmaids … said if it gets too long, she'll just clear her throat," Neibling joked. "Or I said that maybe I'll count out loud."

Teasing aside, LaBouliere said he is certain everything will work out because of the moment's significance.

"When you're looking forward to that first kiss, it's just so much more special and exciting," he said. "I have so much to look forward to."

TB4000
07-23-2006, 09:51 PM
Pretty romantic fairy tale stuff. If you can muster the will power to hold off like that, my hat goes off to you.

Tao
07-23-2006, 10:05 PM
yeah seriously. like my gf vowed to stay a virgin before marriage because of her strict upbringing, and even then technically she caved cause she gave me head.

TB4000
07-23-2006, 10:11 PM
^It can be hard when you see anything and everything sex related pretty much everytime you leave the house. Hence the random erection thread from last month.

Tao
07-23-2006, 10:25 PM
^It can be hard when you see anything and everything sex related pretty much everytime you leave the house. Hence the random erection thread from last month.
yeah seriously, tell me about it

eos
07-23-2006, 10:38 PM
:puke:


sorry. i'm just very cynical about things like this. the other day i was eating lunch and diagonally from me were 2 women and one of them had 4 of those bricks known as bridal magazines. i almost asked to be moved to another table.

lethal
07-23-2006, 11:09 PM
What, you're assigned a lunch table? You need permission to move? Were you eating lunch in jail or something?

eos
07-23-2006, 11:13 PM
no it was just that i was already eating with my sister and it would be a pain to move anywhere else.

ok, promiscuous boy?

Tao
07-23-2006, 11:14 PM
no it was just that i was already eating with my sister and it would be a pain to move anywhere else.

ok, promiscuous boy?
meowr, and the claws come out

Anaestacia
07-24-2006, 09:44 AM
lol I enjoy looking at wedding magazines but won't be bothered with the real thing.

I'm going to agree with Aretha on this one. It's definitely in the way he kisses you. If he can't kiss, NO deal. I went through a long term relationship actually not liking a guy's kisses or mouth. Looking back, I have no idea how I managed it.

The brides and grooms of the weddings I'm attending this year are virgins. I can't wait until we can gossip. In all honesty, I don't have much admiration for those who abstain for that long - it's unnatural and even more unbalanced when the female is striving for virginity and the guy has already long lost it. Bullshit.

Martino
07-24-2006, 01:53 PM
Harasyn, who lives in Woodbury, was 11 when she heard from an older cousin about waiting until marriage for her first kiss. "I thought: 'Whoa. That would be so cool to tell my kids that the only person I've ever kissed was their dad.'

I don't think the kids are going to think it cool.

Unless they're The Stepford Kids, of course.

Atealtha
07-24-2006, 02:57 PM
I'm going to 1-up them and not hold hands until I marry.

moJo
07-24-2006, 03:36 PM
:puke:


sorry. i'm just very cynical about things like this. the other day i was eating lunch and diagonally from me were 2 women and one of them had 4 of those bricks known as bridal magazines. i almost asked to be moved to another table.
but...what does that have to do with the no-kissy story? :confused:

i think this whole save-sex/kiss/whatever-for-marriage thing causes people to get married young, which i think is a bad idea. the only people i know of getting married btwn the ages of 18 to 25 are religious Christians. not saying that this particular couple are.

Arex
07-24-2006, 03:38 PM
These kids are dumb.

And I agree with mojo re: these things having the negative side effect of causing people to get married younger than they should.

eos
07-24-2006, 03:48 PM
but...what does that have to do with the no-kissy story? :confused:



since the guy that i loved more than anything broke up with me, i think i have the right to be cynical and sarcastic about these kinds of things. it's my defense mechanism against being hurt that way again.

moser
07-24-2006, 05:06 PM
To each their own, but it seems a bit much. A couple can still develop a friendship and all that even after having kissed or whatnot.

Irezumi Kiss
07-24-2006, 05:14 PM
since the guy that i loved more than anything broke up with me, i think i have the right to be cynical and sarcastic about these kinds of things.
Yer damn skippy. More power to their union, but I'm already calling horseshit on this.

Their love is so "pure" that they had to pimp an on-their-word-against-ours story out just for the cool factor...so now, they have to essentially stay together for the public's sake on upholding how special they are for not kissing before marriage, through the possible disappointment of sexual incompatibility and non-conjugal growth after marriage...which can happen to the best of couples even after they've kissed and boinked each other six ways from Sunday as unmarrieds.

Do they even know about halitosis kisses? Wooooo boy...

Martino
07-24-2006, 05:49 PM
Yer damn skippy. More power to their union, but I'm already calling horseshit on this.

Their love is so "pure" that they had to pimp an on-their-word-against-ours story out just for the cool factor...so now, they have to essentially stay together for the public's sake on upholding how special they are for not kissing before marriage, through the possible disappointment of sexual incompatibility and non-conjugal growth after marriage...which can happen to the best of couples even after they've kissed and boinked each other six ways from Sunday as unmarrieds.

Do they even know about halitosis kisses? Wooooo boy...

If genuine, and are totally uptight about expressing any kind of physical affection, they're in for a dose of body horror: saliva, bad breath, gingavitis, (do they know kissing can involve tongue wresting?), body odours . . .

What's the guy going to do if his 'Juliet' breaks wind on their first night - will it still be magical and worth the wait etc.

Ach, I'm too cynical. But I've run into gay versions of these two.

Faithless
07-24-2006, 10:16 PM
lol I enjoy looking at wedding magazines but won't be bothered with the real thing.

I'm going to agree with Aretha on this one. It's definitely in the way he kisses you. If he can't kiss, NO deal. I went through a long term relationship actually not liking a guy's kisses or mouth. Looking back, I have no idea how I managed it.
So, no pucker is a bad thing.

The brides and grooms of the weddings I'm attending this year are virgins. I can't wait until we can gossip. In all honesty, I don't have much admiration for those who abstain for that long - it's unnatural and even more unbalanced when the female is striving for virginity and the guy has already long lost it. Bullshit.
Makes you wonder what their sexlife is going to be like -- unless they talk about it, like --

Dude: So you do like to have sex lots, right?

Gal: Yes, some.

Dude: Wait! Five month ago you said "lots". I heard you, you said "lots!" We shook on it.

Gal: Define "lots".

Dude: Every night, and twice on the weekends.

Gal: Try one-seventh of that -- every four months. :frown:

Tao
07-24-2006, 11:09 PM
i dunno....if i had a daughter, i'd want her to wait for marriage to have sex. casue otherwise, it'd be easy to just have some guy take advantage of you and use you for sex, all the while pretending to care for you.

obviously the whole not kissing thing is a bit extreme, but i'm just saying i can understand where some of the abstenance (sp?) arguements are coming from.

Faithless
07-24-2006, 11:11 PM
How can you have an intimate relationship with someone you're attracted-to and not do one or the other or both?

Would you even hug?

Even hugging can lead to kissing, etc. There's got to be an unnatural amount of denial going on.

deez nuts
07-25-2006, 06:41 AM
but...what does that have to do with the no-kissy story? :confused:


since the guy that i loved more than anything broke up with me, i think i have the right to be cynical and sarcastic about these kinds of things. it's my defense mechanism against being hurt that way again.


woot! cat fight.

Irezumi Kiss
07-25-2006, 07:41 AM
i dunno....if i had a daughter, i'd want her to wait for marriage to have sex. casue otherwise, it'd be easy to just have some guy take advantage of you and use you for sex, all the while pretending to care for you.
But if you had a son...? You'd want him to wait for marriage as well? Or sky's the limit? :wink:

AliBabaIncorporated
07-25-2006, 07:45 AM
Hookers don't usually kiss their johns either.

Anyone take a bet that she's just a "technical virgin"?

moJo
07-25-2006, 08:20 AM
woot! cat fight.
haha, shut up.

Tao
07-25-2006, 11:24 AM
But if you had a son...? You'd want him to wait for marriage as well? Or sky's the limit? :wink:
as long as he has safe sex...but then again i dont want him to be a man whore either :p

Napoleon Chynamite
07-25-2006, 04:12 PM
I've heard that when posed with the question of whether or not they would allow their precious and cherished daughter to date a boy that was exactly the same motive and personality-wise as themselves, most guys said hell no and some even said they'd beat some ass. I guess we know the predatory and sleazy nature of ourselves a little too well.

On that note:

http://www.becomeaplayer.com

I take no responsibility for any rejection, heartbreak, jailtime, or restraining orders as a result of following the advice mentioned in any of the articles.

Anaestacia
07-25-2006, 08:57 PM
So, no pucker is a bad thing.


Makes you wonder what their sexlife is going to be like -- unless they talk about it, like --

Dude: So you do like to have sex lots, right?

Gal: Yes, some.

Dude: Wait! Five month ago you said "lots". I heard you, you said "lots!" We shook on it.

Gal: Define "lots".

Dude: Every night, and twice on the weekends.

Gal: Try one-seventh of that -- every four months. :frown:

At least they're verbalizing their concerns. I'm not sure what this assumption is - that a virgin implies they're incapable of a high libido? or sex drive?

Faithless
07-25-2006, 10:41 PM
A little vignette on hearing what one wants to hear and then getting the wrong expectation.

Hopefully, the dude in the original article has his quota filled before seeing if his partner is capable of doing so.

robotic
08-09-2006, 11:06 AM
haha oh no !_! i don't fit in an anti-abstinence thread. eep. *disappears as fast as lightning*

Faithless
08-09-2006, 06:32 PM
haha oh no !_! i don't fit in an anti-abstinence thread. eep. *disappears as fast as lightning*
Nothing wrong with abstinence -- unless it carries through to five years into a marriage. :frown:

TB4000
08-09-2006, 06:45 PM
haha oh no !_! i don't fit in an anti-abstinence thread. eep. *disappears as fast as lightning*
Don't sell yourself short. Show us horndogs what for.

TB4000
08-10-2006, 09:58 PM
I confess I would have rather waited when it came to the ex and our sleeping together for the first time. It took place basically two days later, and while I was all giddy at the time, in retrospect I would have preferred we waited longer.