disciplining our children

[kasia]

Anna was taken out of her dad's custody when she was 13 after he spanked with a belt. should his action be considered a felony?

[kimpossible]

Depends on what spanking entails. Are we talking open hand to the bottom? Or there was spanking involved, but in conjunction with throwing into walls and other strikes to the body?

But to give a solid opinion, I don't think spankings are abusive and I would use it as a punishment. I can't say that I would do it often or at all, but as I sit here today and write this, I would consider spanking a valid punishment to use in the future.

I'm not sure the race of the judge will matter because the judge may feel even more pressure to bend to public opinion if she or he is Asian.

[amietron]

how many asian people do you know who have never been spanked in any way by either of their parents?

[Arex]

Originally posted by amietron@Nov 7 2002, 02:44 PM
how many asian people do you know who have never been spanked in any way by either of their parents?
I was never spanked. I do recall seeing my brother spanked by my mother on several occasions, sometimes with the feather duster, sometimes in public. Very embarrassing though he did deserve it...

Now that I think about it though, I don't know that spanking is appropriate at her age. It just seems weird to be spanking someone at such an age. Has anyone been spanked in their teens (and not in an erotic way)? Last time I saw my little brother get spanked, he was well under 10 years old.

I always assumed spanking was reserved for younger kids who lacked or had a diminished capacity for rational/logical thought so that psychological coercion/punishment was ineffective. So where does one draw the line?

Of course, I was all for the flogging of that dumbass kid in Singapore...

Alex

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by Arex@Nov 7 2002, 05:57 PM
Originally posted by amietron@Nov 7 2002, 02:44 PM
how many asian people do you know who have never been spanked in any way by either of their parents?
I was never spanked. I do recall seeing my brother spanked by my mother on several occasions, sometimes with the feather duster, sometimes in public. Very embarrassing though he did deserve it...

Now that I think about it though, I don't know that spanking is appropriate at her age. It just seems weird to be spanking someone at such an age. Has anyone been spanked in their teens (and not in an erotic way)? Last time I saw my little brother get spanked, he was well under 10 years old.

I always assumed spanking was reserved for younger kids who lacked or had a diminished capacity for rational/logical thought so that psychological coercion/punishment was ineffective. So where does one draw the line?

Of course, I was all for the flogging of that dumbass kid in Singapore...

Alex
i think the last time i was hit was when i was 11? not sure. i know that they stopped hitting my sister when she was like 5 or 6. and yet i was so much more obedient than she was when i was a kid.

[Hanuman]

I was spanked as a kid, although every time I fully deserved it. I was beaten when I was an early teen once too. But I really deserved that too. I got into a fist fight with my brother and nearly knocked him out, my dad was so mad, he beat the tar out of me. My old man, may have a file miles under him, but man he still remembers his muay thai.

I'm wondering if that's an old world, new world phenomen? I know alot of people who grow up as first generation and they've all been spanked as kids. The kids I knew who were raised by their European immigrant parents used to get it as bad as I.

[kimpossible]

Even if a spanking at her age is borderline appropriate, I don't think it's cause to have the government remove her from her family home.

[amietron]

as i got older, my parents turned to grabbing things and chasing us with objects, then hitting. since the human arm just isn't long enough, it'd turn to brooms stuff.

even jackets hurt like a bitch. i got a whooping 2 nights ago by my father, with my mother and brother in the same room. i was screaming at my brother for unplugging my phone line, my dad got fed up with hearing me yelling (even if it was only 2-3 minutes), he came over with a northface jacket and started whipping me with it. it hurt like a bitch. ='(

[Arex]

Originally posted by Hello_Hapa@Nov 7 2002, 03:06 PM
Even if a spanking at her age is borderline appropriate, I don't think it's cause to have the government remove her from her family home.
If it really was only just a spanking, then I'd have to agree with you. Of course, it all depends on the severity of the spanking.

Alex

[kimpossible]

Originally posted by Arex@Nov 7 2002, 03:20 PM
Originally posted by Hello_Hapa@Nov 7 2002, 03:06 PM
Even if a spanking at her age is borderline appropriate, I don't think it's cause to have the government remove her from her family home.
If it really was only just a spanking, then I'd have to agree with you. Of course, it all depends on the severity of the spanking.

Alex
I agree, which is why I said

Depends on what spanking entails. Are we talking open hand to the bottom? Or there was spanking involved, but in conjunction with throwing into walls and other strikes to the body?

but regarding specifically whether or not spanking alone is an appropriate punishment based on her age - that shouldn't be cause to remove her from her family. But I would like to know a lot more of the details of this case.

[wylin]

all i know is im giving my kids an ass whooping if the deserve it. and when my son thinks he can whoop my ass he can try.

just like in tekken! heihachi, kazuya, jin family tournament style.

corperal punishment works, it has for centuries and will continue too.

[UnitedChris81]

To hell with Bleeding heart librals....Children need to be disciplined and anyone who disagrees is not parent material....I mean jeez, don't kill them....but rip their ass if need be. it works:)

[angel nympho]

I don't think white people even consider spanking their kids to be abuse.

They consider BEATING their kids to be abuse.

Damn, I got BEAT.

[UnitedChris81]

I think all asian kids get beat at one point...my momma hit me with a hot pot full of noodles one time

[Adaon]

Originally posted by amietron@Nov 7 2002, 03:10 PM
as i got older, my parents turned to grabbing things and chasing us with objects, then hitting. since the human arm just isn't long enough, it'd turn to brooms stuff. even jackets hurt like a bitch
I totally get how ya feel about that. As I got older my mom and pops would steadily increase in size the objects of "punishment".
A ruler broke, then a coat hanger *a metal one* broke, then a broomstick broke, and finally the zipper off a jacket broke off and ripped a scar on my face.....but then again everyone I've met has gotten this treatment form their parents who tried to associate the "bad" behavior with fire, mess around and you get burned.....

I totally agree with UnitedChris tho....don't throw the baby out with the bathwater, but don't let the kid do what he/she wants w/o putting your foot down, and talk only gets so far with a kid.....

But possibly the scariest thing that would change a kid the most is when their parent(s) break down and cry because of what their kids do, like Chasiubao_Boy said, yeah his dad regulated, but the thing that he did caused his dad so much hurt, his dad just broke, I dunno, I never broke down after age 7 when my parents punished me, but I sobed like I never did before when my dad just couldn't wail on me anymore because he was sobbing so hard.....changed my life too.....

[karizma]

>> geez...spanking with the hand aint even that harsh...i got my ass whooped with feather dusters, branches, pot from the ricecooker, got lil kiddy chairs thrown at me, and even had a knife pressed over my fingers...the day they stopped hitting was the day they realized it didnt phase me anymore...i just didnt care and that was in like the 5th grade.

>> this is how most asian parents are and i havent met many who arent. i know people my age still being hit do i think its right? no but its just the way the parents are. as long as you arent beating your kid to a bloody pulp or scarring the kid for life then its fine...i truly think some kids could use a beating or two.

>> i know a lot of people in the US are very firm on child abusing laws...any sign of abuse and social workers are on your ass. but damn ithink it was justified...if i found out my 13 year old daughter was dating a 20 year old she probably wouldnt have gotten a spanking but i wouldnt rule it out.

[wylin]

http://www.xmission.com/~maddox/beatkid4.jpg

i agree w/ that pic

[ChinaLama]

The most my dad ever did was maybe he pushed me once or twice when I was young. He rarely employed corporal punishment, and when he did, it was always hand on buttcheeks, never used a paddle or a belt or a stick. So when he defends corporal punishment, it sounds pretty reasonable. His mom used to hit him constantly, but never on the head, and I think never to the point of bleeding or serious bruises. Cuz the point of punishment should be to teach the kid a lesson, NOT just to hurt. I think when punishment gets to the point where hurt seems more of an end than a means to teaching lessons, THEN it's abusive and I don't know if Asian cultures really condone that. My father doesn't, and as far as I understand, neither did my poor, illiterate, countryside-born and raised grandparents.

[seryb]

My dad used to smack me on occasion. The worst thing I can remember is when me and this other kid built a fire on flame-retardant cardboard in the attic of our apartment building, my dad briefly picked me up off the ground by my ears when he found out. I was pretty young...like 5 or 6 and I've always been a scrawny bastard so I didn't weigh so much, but I remember it hurting like a bitch.

The last time my dad smacked me, I was 13. He hit me with an open palm on the back. I just stood there and looked at him after he did it. I guess I was half annoyed and half surprised that it didn't really hurt. He hasn't hit me since.

When I think back to it, it's probably a good thing my parents practiced corporal punishment. It taught me one of two things. 1.) What I was doing was bad, and that I shouldn't do it again or 2.) Don't get caught next time.

Either way, I'd either learn my lesson and get better morals or get sneakier. :lol:

[kasia]

Originally posted by Arex@Nov 7 2002, 10:57 PM
Originally posted by amietron@Nov 7 2002, 02:44 PM
how many asian people do you know who have never been spanked in any way by either of their parents?
I was never spanked. I do recall seeing my brother spanked by my mother on several occasions, sometimes with the feather duster, sometimes in public. Very embarrassing though he did deserve it...

Now that I think about it though, I don't know that spanking is appropriate at her age. It just seems weird to be spanking someone at such an age. Has anyone been spanked in their teens (and not in an erotic way)? Last time I saw my little brother get spanked, he was well under 10 years old.

I always assumed spanking was reserved for younger kids who lacked or had a diminished capacity for rational/logical thought so that psychological coercion/punishment was ineffective. So where does one draw the line?

Of course, I was all for the flogging of that dumbass kid in Singapore...

Alex
i was spanked til i was about 16...or 17, maybe. when i turned 16 or 17, the spanking just stopped - it was all very strange to me because i had been spanked my whole life...usually with feather dusters or hangers. both hurt...but i was a bad kid.

which is why i can relate to anna's situation. my dad was the one who spanked me, but to this day i think he's a great parent. i personally wouldn't use corporal punishment on my children in the future, because, after being the victim of it for so many years, i really don't think it's effective...or i think there are better alternatives. plus, i don't think i can hurt my kids. still, my dad had his way of parenting and i respect that. there's a definite difference between acceptable corporal punishment and abuse. my main concern is - why should we trust in white social workers who know nothing about the asian culture to decide which it is.

[kasia]

Originally posted by amietron@Nov 7 2002, 11:10 PM
as i got older, my parents turned to grabbing things and chasing us with objects, then hitting. since the human arm just isn't long enough, it'd turn to brooms stuff.

even jackets hurt like a bitch. i got a whooping 2 nights ago by my father, with my mother and brother in the same room. i was screaming at my brother for unplugging my phone line, my dad got fed up with hearing me yelling (even if it was only 2-3 minutes), he came over with a northface jacket and started whipping me with it. it hurt like a bitch. ='(
careful of what you disclose. a social worker could be lurking and have you removed from your home.

[Fireblade]

Although I can see how corporal punishment can work, I honestly do not wish anyone to use it upon their children. Hitting a child from a young age, can have an effect on them. Being emotionally or physically scarred is something no one wants. If you love your child, try your best to understand them. Actually let me be a hypocrite here. I can condone slapping a child's hand or stuff like that. But a BEAT DOWN is not the way to go. If I have a child, I wouldn't want them to fear me or hate me because one day I couldn't control my anger and just let that all flow out. I'm not a dumb animal, so why whip me?

I guess I'm speaking out about this, because I honestly don't believe any parental rage should happen this way. Love, understanding, and respect is what should come out of every parent. I can understand Mr. Guo's actions, but if he beat her, that's another story. Human beings have the capacity to understand one and another, and he should have sat down with her, and allow communication to flow. The people I see with the best relationships with their parents are the ones that TALK to them. Maybe if Mr. Guo had been able to communicate with his daughter, this tragedy wouldn't have happened.

[wylin]

or maybe if he whooped her better maybe should wouldnt be an impudent child and cause her own downfall.

[Hiroshi2]

Well, my mother (who is asian) never whooped us, but she has chased me and my sister around the house with a broom and slapped me across the mouth before. It didn't really matter that I was a lot taller than her.

As for my dad, yeah he whooped us. I think the last time I got a whooping was when I was 11 or 12. I hope it stays that way too.

[ChinaLama]

Originally posted by Fireblade@Nov 9 2002, 12:01 PM
Although I can see how corporal punishment can work, I honestly do not wish anyone to use it upon their children. Hitting a child from a young age, can have an effect on them. Being emotionally or physically scarred is something no one wants. If you love your child, try your best to understand them. Actually let me be a hypocrite here. I can condone slapping a child's hand or stuff like that. But a BEAT DOWN is not the way to go. If I have a child, I wouldn't want them to fear me or hate me because one day I couldn't control my anger and just let that all flow out. I'm not a dumb animal, so why whip me?

I guess I'm speaking out about this, because I honestly don't believe any parental rage should happen this way. Love, understanding, and respect is what should come out of every parent. I can understand Mr. Guo's actions, but if he beat her, that's another story. Human beings have the capacity to understand one and another, and he should have sat down with her, and allow communication to flow. The people I see with the best relationships with their parents are the ones that TALK to them. Maybe if Mr. Guo had been able to communicate with his daughter, this tragedy wouldn't have happened.
i agree for the most part, but i kind of share my dad's values in corporal punishment. I think it's better to spank a kid on his or her buttcheeks than to slap his or her hand, because you need to use the hand to write or type and do all kinds of things, whereas your butt isn't needed as much. I mean say you want to punish your kid for not doing homework; if you slap his hand, you give him an excuse to continue not doing hw cuz he can say "i can't write," but if you spank him, then the most he cn say is "i can't sit," in which case you can tell him to stand.

But I agree that words and reasoning is the best solution, and physical punishment should only be a last resort. And honestly, i don't think corporal punishment is THAt effective-- i think most kids learn from just maturing. Like most kids i know were all assholes when they were young, whether or not they were hit a lot by their parents, but they all grew out of it later.

[kasia]

i remember a white friend telling me to report my parents once after i was spanked. that was in fourth grade. i remember thinking, "what is this girl *talking* about?"

reporting isn't the only way that parents get caught though. sometimes you just need nosy neighbors or a social worker at school who thinks she knows everything about how to raise kids and so on and families and so on. ...which is what happened in anna's case.

another thing - and perhaps this should be in a new thread - is that it's more likely that you will be found guilty of corporal punishment if you're poor. i swear, i have NEVER heard of case in which rich parents were found to be abusive. have any of you?

[Hiroshi2]

Originally posted by kasia@Nov 10 2002, 07:58 PM
i remember a white friend telling me to report my parents once after i was spanked. that was in fourth grade. i remember thinking, "what is this girl *talking* about?"


LOL That same thing happened to me! Some white kids just moved into the neighborhood from California, and yeah that's basically what they tried to tell us.......we were like "Really? Cool!" :)

[lethal]

I was spanked when I was a kid. I don't remember when it stopped, but the spanking never came in anger. My parents waited until they were calm before administering any punishment. I got it with whatever was handy though...the hand, the feather duster, a bamboo stick, a fistful of chopsticks, a belt, a yardstick, a rule, whatever...

They also used non-corporal punishments that I thought were effective as suppliments to the spankings. I stood in the corner for hours at a time. I kneeled on my knees staring at the wall for hours totally still and quiet.

I didn't grow up perfect, but I think it has made me a better person today. I'd have no hesitation spanking my kids in a rational, thoughtful, calm way.

[enygma]

as long as you don't beat your kids for no reason, i see no problems with spankings. i plan to spank my kids when they misbehave. grounding your kids will have no effect since you're just sending them to their room where all of their toys will be. but when i spank my kids, i'll be explaining to them exactly why they're getting punished so that they won't think that this is a random beating. i'm also planning on making up some creative punishments-i'll make them write papers for me explaining why what they did was wrong. and if all else fails, they're getting punished korean-style (kneeling while holding up books in their outstretched hands, etc.)

[mydnyht]

I was spanked when I was little, and I would never do that to my children, if I ever have any... I definitely DON'T think that she should have been spanked at this age... the last time I was spanked, I was seven, and it horrified me, because I thought that I was too old to be spanked. It's really pathetic, because I can't go anywhere now without feeling uncomfortable about my butt. I honestly feel like someone is going to come up behind me and smack it, and I used to grab it when I was little and cover it up so that no one could. I wasn't even ever spanked that often. And I remember my mother threatening to spank my brother and I with a belt... whenever she was mad at us, she'd snap a belt and we'd get scared out of our minds. I really don't get erotic spanking or anything, because come on... doesn't it hurt? I can't see how people find that enjoyable; probably because I'm so used to seeing it used as a punishment.

[MellowDrama]

Funny, I was just on the phone w/ my gf. There was a loud ass f*cking brat in the restaurant from which she was calling from her cell. This led to a conversation about child discipline. I asked her if she'd lay the smack down if we had kids. She explained that if our kid were acting like that kid in front of her, she'd warn him once to STFU (well not in those words, but you know what I mean), then she'd beat the shit outta of him in public to make him shut up.

God, how that put a smile on my face! :lol:

There's nothin' like a strong willed ass-whippin' Asian mom to keep the kids in line!

[ellsworth81]

wow, you guys had it pretty rough. all i got was the bamboo stick across the hand repeatedly. I'd be too afraid to run away or I just knew subsconciously that I fucked up and deserved some pain. That shit works well into the late teens :rolleyes: Then I wouldn't be able to play my video games :o (or do anything else for that matter). All I know is if you act the fool, you gonna get whooped.

Corporal punishment works because we're animals :P we need to get whipped and shown who's boss before we can behave.

Besides, i'm sure plenty of non-asians "beat" their kids too. I'm not sure what the percentages are though. Anyone in YW care to give some input?

I don't know about beatdowns with random blunt objects. There's too much potential for like trauma and mental scarring, so I'd avoid that at all costs.

But where do we draw the line between "abuse" and "discipline"? I wonder if there's been a precedent set this for sort of case in the courts... <_<

[ChinaLama]

i think all scientific studies show that it's better to try to empathize w/ kids than to beat them. I'm not sure if a combination of the two works better, though.

actually, i don't know how effective beating kids is, because some kids who were never hit turn out great, and other kids who were hit turn out shitty. And a lot of kids, WHEN they were getting hit, CONTINUE to be assholes, but grow out of it.

So I kind of see things as, people just get more mature as they grow older. I'm not sure if corporal punishment has something DIRECTLY to do w/ it, except say in front of the ppl who can inflict punishment, but maybe it has an indirect effect, because it shows kids how much their parents emphasize some values over others.

[wylin]

Originally posted by ChinaLama@Nov 20 2002, 09:34 AM
i think all scientific studies show that it's better to try to empathize w/ kids than to beat them. I'm not sure if a combination of the two works better, though.

actually, i don't know how effective beating kids is, because some kids who were never hit turn out great, and other kids who were hit turn out shitty. And a lot of kids, WHEN they were getting hit, CONTINUE to be assholes, but grow out of it.

So I kind of see things as, people just get more mature as they grow older. I'm not sure if corporal punishment has something DIRECTLY to do w/ it, except say in front of the ppl who can inflict punishment, but maybe it has an indirect effect, because it shows kids how much their parents emphasize some values over others.
just give them the ass whopping of their life and they should know their place and know their role!

[iris]

I got the whole mah-jong stick, fly swatter, chopsticks, belts, whatever was closest at hand thing, but I guess I never really considered it a beating since I was never permanently scarred from it. In fact, when I read some of the stuff on here, I've got to say I ranked medium in terms of corporal punishment.

Also, is this true for anyone else --> I was the oldest kid so I experienced the most "punishment." When they stopped hitting me, they also stopped hitting my younger sister and brother.

When I got older, we also did the chasing around the house bit. Unfortunately, my mom was a runner in high school. Then I left for boarding school (my choice) at 14 and when I came back at 16, I really couldn't fathom being hit anymore. When my mom tried, we got in the most horrific fight I've ever experienced. It ended up with her shaking me (because I wouldn't let her hit me) and me pushing her back. I think we realized then that we had reached a turning point.

By the way, I was not a bad kid. I got hit for not getting the grades, not knowing my multiplication tables, and fighting with my brother and sister. I don't know if it was good for me or not. I graduated Valedictorian, don't smoke or do drugs, but I also have bad dreams at night.

[achtungbaby]

Originally posted by isyen@Nov 21 2002, 03:06 AM
I got the whole mah-jong stick, fly swatter, chopsticks, belts, whatever was closest at hand thing, but I guess I never really considered it a beating since I was never permanently scarred from it. In fact, when I read some of the stuff on here, I've got to say I ranked medium in terms of corporal punishment.

Chopsticks? That sounds kinda scary... :ph34r:

Also, is this true for anyone else --> I was the oldest kid so I experienced the most "punishment." When they stopped hitting me, they also stopped hitting my younger sister and brother.

Hmmm...hard to say. I think so for my family, since the two youngest were boys and the eldest was my sister. Also probably 'cuz my parents just got older.

By the way, I was not a bad kid. I got hit for not getting the grades, not knowing my multiplication tables, and fighting with my brother and sister. I don't know if it was good for me or not. I graduated Valedictorian, don't smoke or do drugs, but I also have bad dreams at night.

Wow, your parents would have loved me!:P

[deez nuts]

Originally posted by isyen@Nov 21 2002, 06:06 AM


Also, is this true for anyone else --> I was the oldest kid so I experienced the most "punishment." When they stopped hitting me, they also stopped hitting my younger sister and brother.


Yup me too. I think it's cuz pops mellowed out since there is a big age gap between me and my younger brother.

[iris]

Originally posted by achtungbaby@Nov 21 2002, 12:19 PM

Chopsticks? That sounds kinda scary... :ph34r:




Hey, I loved the chopsticks. They always broke easily, unlike mah-jong sticks or hangers.

[Adaon]

Originally posted by isyen@Nov 21 2002, 05:28 AM
Originally posted by achtungbaby@Nov 21 2002, 12:19 PM

Chopsticks? &nbsp;That sounds kinda scary... :ph34r:




Hey, I loved the chopsticks. They always broke easily, unlike mah-jong sticks or hangers.
unless they were those ivory ones or long thicker bamboo ones...*winces at the memories of not playing NES/arcade games for a while*

[lethal]

A fistful of chopsticks was the worst. They never broke.

One time my brother and I stole the bamboo feather duster and broke it on purpose cause we didn't want to get hit anymore...we both got the chopsticks that night.

When they stopped spanking me, I think I was about 9 or 10. They stopped hitting my brother at the same time. He's 3 years younger. Maybe they thought it would be unfair to have him see that I wasn't getting spanked anymore but he was and at that age, the kind of comprehension necessary to understand why just wasn't there for him.

I still think the most effect punishment was kneeling facing the corner perfectly still with the threat of a spanking if I moved. Gave me time to contemplate what I did wrong and why.

[iris]

Oh God, that's the traditional Asian punishment: kneeling on a hard floor, staring at the wall for hours. In my family, the boys also had to hold chairs over their heads. For hours.

Hehe: In my cousin's family, there are two girls. Their dad went and bought two yard sticks and painted their names on them, one on each. He hung them up by the door to remind them to be good. I know they've been used several times. :o

[wylin]

Originally posted by isyen@Nov 21 2002, 11:48 PM
Oh God, that's the traditional Asian punishment: kneeling on a hard floor, staring at the wall for hours. In my family, the boys also had to hold chairs over their heads. For hours.

Hehe: In my cousin's family, there are two girls. Their dad went and bought two yard sticks and painted their names on them, one on each. He hung them up by the door to remind them to be good. I know they've been used several times. :o
hmm my dad grew bamboo outside for the purpose of making good weapons to displine me and my brother w/ and also he had uncanny accuracy w/ thrown objects.

[Fireblade]

Well I've gotten my fair share of the stick, and the bad end too. Belts, sticks, feather dusters.... I've even gotten threatened to have my thumb or finger chopped off. Imagine a crying screaming child, fighting for dear life, because daddy's pissed that his son didn't get an A on his report card. Yea... that was me.

I'll be blunt. I HATE CORPORAL PUNISHMENT. Spankings and maybe slaps on the hand is ok, but having shit like that done to you is bad. Like earlier in the thread, I've said that I have the ability to comprehend my parent's thoughts and comments, so why treat me like an animal?

Although I'm sure many people agree that some kids should be disciplined, you have to realize that dishing out the punishment part of parenting is entirely what parenting is. It should also be about the communication between the parents and the child. If you can't do that, why even try having kids in the first place??

So when I hear kids should get the beat down of their lives to set them straight.... PISSES ME OFF. Although sometimes I see why I was punished, the punishment didn't fit the crime. I mean come on... WHIPPINGS A PLENTY FOR GETTING A B?!!! WTF?!!

I know this is an old world tradition and asian families have used this to raise their children, but I still don't think it's right. You're more prone to fits of anger and depression because of it. And if you're having dreams about it, or scared of your mom and dad for beating, then that's a BITCH ass thing to do.

So praise it all you want, but I still think it's morally wrong. :pissed:

[Danny]

I have a 21 month old that my wife and I have decided not to spank... It is a good concept, but as the child gets older, it becomes more and more difficult not to do. We have yet to put our hands in a really forceful manner on her tooshy, but we have been rethinking this thing.

Dr. Spocks (of 70's fame) kid was not spanked. His kid commited suicide.

I think a little bit of discipline like mild spankings is alright as longas the child understands why she/he is being spanked, but down right beating the crap out of them is going over the line.

My parents never beat me, so inturn i will not beat my child.

[angel nympho]

I hated it, but at least I can say with all honesty that it usually worked. Beatings usually worked pretty well to shut me up. But after a while I wasn't scared of them anymore. Once the fear issue is no longer there, it's pretty ineffective.

I swear, whenever I see kids misbehaving in public it irritates me. I remind myself that I have to instill in my children the fear of death. They will be too SCARED to be bad.

[iris]

I've got to go with Fireblade here. I was a pretty good kid and I got walloped for bad grades. Come on now! There is no need to whack your kid for getting a B on a report card or for messing up the multiplication tables (nightmare). It go so bad for me that I was doing multiplication tables late at night and everywhere I went so the next time my mom asked me, I could spout them off without mistakes.

Light spankings are okay I think and slaps on the hand, but once you get the hanger out, that's just too Mommy Dearest for me. I may have turned out okay, but for a long time I didn't love my parents but feared them. :(

Incidentally, we get along so much better now that we talk through our problems.

[bwc]

Originally posted by angel nympho@Nov 22 2002, 10:31 PM
but at least I can say with all honesty that it usually worked. Beatings usually worked pretty well to shut me up.

I swear, whenever I see kids misbehaving in public it irritates me. I remind myself that I have to instill in my children the fear of death. They will be too SCARED to be bad.
agreed.

though we disagree on many issues, you took the words straight out of my mouth on this one :rolleyes:

[angel nympho]

Originally posted by bwc@Nov 25 2002, 08:34 AM
Originally posted by angel nympho@Nov 22 2002, 10:31 PM
but at least I can say with all honesty that it usually worked. Beatings usually worked pretty well to shut me up.

I swear, whenever I see kids misbehaving in public it irritates me. &nbsp;I remind myself that I have to instill in my children the fear of death. &nbsp;They will be too SCARED to be bad.
agreed.

though we disagree on many issues, you took the words straight out of my mouth on this one :rolleyes:
LOL :)

[Hanuman]

The worse was when my dad use to get really angry with me. He'd tell me to go outside and get a stick (to beat me with it). That's the worse kind of mental punishment ever, cause now you have to think about the beating before it gets administered. So this one time I go out looking for a stick and I come back with a teeny weeny twig. I'm like "here you go!)

So he gets so mad at me being a little wiseass, he goes out an picks a nice big one to whup me proper.

[ChinaLama]

Hmm I'm not sure if there's a similar story in European circles, but there's a Chinese story that sort of shows what role corporal punishment plays in parent-child relationships:

there was this kid who got beaten by his mom ever since he was little, and even though she always hit him really hard, he never shed a tear. But then, one day, when he was a pretty old kid or maybe when he was already an adult, he started BAWLING when his mother hit him. So his mom felt worried and asked, why are you crying? did i hit you too hard?

and he went, "no, it's because it makes me so sad to think that you're growing older and weaker, and that you don't have the strength to hurt me anymore."

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by ChinaLama@Nov 25 2002, 06:29 PM
Hmm I'm not sure if there's a similar story in European circles, but there's a Chinese story that sort of shows what role corporal punishment plays in parent-child relationships:

there was this kid who got beaten by his mom ever since he was little, and even though she always hit him really hard, he never shed a tear. But then, one day, when he was a pretty old kid or maybe when he was already an adult, he started BAWLING when his mother hit him. So his mom felt worried and asked, why are you crying? did i hit you too hard?

and he went, "no, it's because it makes me so sad to think that you're growing older and weaker, and that you don't have the strength to hurt me anymore."
wow, i've never heard that before. but i like it alot.

[nonamerasian]

Many posts in this thread have me teary eyed; yet the story at the end seems somewhat sweet.

Hypocritical?

I am not exactly pro using corporal punishments on children.

[Faithless]

<!--QuoteBegin-UnitedChris81+Nov 7 2002, 04:27 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (UnitedChris81 @ Nov 7 2002, 04:27 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> To hell with Bleeding heart librals....Children need to be disciplined and anyone who disagrees is not parent material....I mean jeez, don't kill them....but rip their ass if need be.&nbsp; it works:) [/b][/quote]
It doesn't. Not always. It breeds resentment. This comes from experience at being on the receiving end of belts and kitchen utensils and shit. Though I turned-out to be good kid, I don't think I'll ever thank my folks for the spankings. :frown:

Kids have an intellect to some degree. Reasoning works. That and time-outs.

It's always awkward afterwords, too, to see a parent ask for forgiveness after having to use physical punishment. The apology doesn't justify it. Everyone involved has to go through extremes in emotions.

[shy]

<!--QuoteBegin-iris+Nov 22 2002, 06:33 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (iris @ Nov 22 2002, 06:33 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> I've got to go with Fireblade here. I was a pretty good kid and I got walloped for bad grades. Come on now! There is no need to whack your kid for getting a B on a report card or for messing up the multiplication tables (nightmare). It go so bad for me that I was doing multiplication tables late at night and everywhere I went so the next time my mom asked me, I could spout them off without mistakes.
[/b][/quote]
i'm with you on that one. there were times i deserved to be spanked but what they didn't realize was that i was really having a harder time w/ math.

i still have difficulties w/ numbers... i work much more slower when i have to deal with numbers. if people verbally give me a phone number or a figure of some sort, i usually have to get them to slow down. i don't know why... maybe a slight learning disability? *shrugs*

my father was trying to help me w/ math homework. i just couldn't get it. in a fit of frustration, he wacked my butt and sent me flying from the kitchen chair to the kitchen floor. i nearly missed bonking my head on the edge of the kitchen table.

i'm all for spanking when deemed appropriate.

but i think it would be better to get a kid a tutor rather then spank them for not understanding a math problem.

[shy]

<!--QuoteBegin-amietron+Nov 7 2002, 02:44 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (amietron @ Nov 7 2002, 02:44 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> how many asian people do you know who have never been spanked in any way by either of their parents? [/b][/quote]
probably... but none of my asian friends got spankings past a certain age.

i don't think this family deserved to have the daughter removed from their home... maybe family counceling though... because they do have a problem if their 13 yr old daughter is dating a 20 year old. come to think of it... they should be going after the 20 year old! what kind of sicko... well, anyway... i digress.

to be honest... age 13? she's gone through... or is going through, puberty. she's still a child but biologically she is becoming a young woman.

and spanking her....

i don't know. i find it kind of... off. :unsure:

[coagulated fat]

I don't think I learned anything from being spanked or hit, because I still like to incite rage in my parents as much as I ever did. Only now that I'm too old to spank they threaten to kick me out of the house instead.

What was worse than the discipline was the look in my dad's eyes when he would come and get me, man, I just ran as fast as possible in the opposite direction.

[SunWuKong]

<!--QuoteBegin-coagulated fat+Aug 6 2003, 04:21 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (coagulated fat @ Aug 6 2003, 04:21 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> I don't think I learned anything from being spanked or hit, because I still like to incite rage in my parents as much as I ever did. Only now that I'm too old to spank they threaten to kick me out of the house instead. [/b][/quote]
if they kick you out, you are welcome to come live with me. :luv:


<img src='http://www.slantedeyes.com/picserve/dancing_banana.gif' border='0' alt='user posted image' />

[RasFarengi]

My parents haven't hit me since I was like about 12 years old, but when I was young I used to get it, wasn't a good cop, bad cop scenario, it was me getting my ass beat by my mom, and when my dad would come get me on the weekend (divorce) he would beat my ass too. I was a bad kid though. :D I guess I learned early not to act a fool..or at least not to get caught. :D :D


My dad use to like to use his belt, his shoe, his hand, tree branch. My mom was just fond of slapping me across the face and screaming.

I think it depends on the child, all child don't need to be hit, some (like me) are just bad...some kids are easily intimidated by yelling only, and will break down crying. Anyway I believe children should fear their parents, it is healthy...and also teach the kids the concept of "shame" that is more effective than beating them.

By the time I was a teenager I was so afraid of shaming my family, I would try to act right.

I don't think I will hit my kids, I will let my wife do it... :D I want to be the good cop.

[Fireblade]

<!--QuoteBegin-RasFarengi+Aug 6 2003, 01:55 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (RasFarengi @ Aug 6 2003, 01:55 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> I think it depends on the child, all child don't need to be hit, some (like me) are just bad...some kids are easily intimidated by yelling only, and will break down crying. Anyway I believe children should fear their parents, it is healthy...and also teach the kids the concept of "shame" that is more effective than beating them.
[/b][/quote]
I think shame was wasted on me when I was getting my ass beat. <_<

Anyway, I think if you treat your child fairly, and allow them to make their own choices in life, they might be less likely to act out. I think on basis, all children need attention, but don't spoil them. And allow them to the ability to reason. Don't give them stupid things like "because I said so." That doesn't work. Why? Because I've seen many a kid go beserk because their mom or dad said that phrase for the 100th time that day.

[RasFarengi]

Fire:

My dad isn't one of those "because I said so..."

He would explain to me in extremely logical detail as to what I did wrong, why it was wrong, and why he was about to beat my ass.

My mom...yeah she was like, "don't talk back to me...blah blah, I said so..."

I think though if you realize how much young kids ask, "why?" all the time, parents just get tired of constantly answering endless rounds of questions...parenting is not easy.

[Fireblade]

<!--QuoteBegin-RasFarengi+Aug 6 2003, 02:20 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (RasFarengi @ Aug 6 2003, 02:20 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Fire:

My dad isn't one of those "because I said so..."

He would explane to you in extremely logical detail as to what you did wrong, and why he was about to beat your ass.

My mom...yeah she was like, "don't talk back to me...blah blah, I said so..."

I think though if you realize how much young kids ask, "why?" all the time, parents just get tired of constantly answering endless rounds of questions...parenting is not easy. [/b][/quote]
Ras: I also think that kids ask why all the time because they want to know the reason behind some things. You can also ask them to stop asking questions because you're tired out from all their incessant drone of "whys". I dunno, I'm not a parent, so I really wouldn't know. However, I'd be damn sure that I'd be patient enough with my kids, as to that I would never have to discipline them.

[Faithless]

<!--QuoteBegin-SunWuKung+Aug 6 2003, 12:43 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (SunWuKung @ Aug 6 2003, 12:43 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> if they kick you out, you are welcome to come live with me. :luv:


<img src='http://www.slantedeyes.com/picserve/dancing_banana.gif' border='0' alt='user posted image' /> [/b][/quote]
Not gonna work. I think she regards you like an older brother or a father figure. <img src='http://www.slantedeyes.com/picserve/dancing_banana.gif' border='0' alt='user posted image' /> :dance:

[shy]

<!--QuoteBegin-coagulated fat+Aug 6 2003, 12:21 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (coagulated fat @ Aug 6 2003, 12:21 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> I don't think I learned anything from being spanked or hit, because I still like to incite rage in my parents as much as I ever did. Only now that I'm too old to spank they threaten to kick me out of the house instead.

What was worse than the discipline was the look in my dad's eyes when he would come and get me, man, I just ran as fast as possible in the opposite direction. [/b][/quote]
you were brave enough to run?

man... i always froze... like a deer caught in headlights! :blink:

[Deadpool]

I used to get my ass kicked by my dad, then it would be my moms turn. After that I'd get thrown out of the house. You know how some parents make their kids face the corner for "time out"? Getting thrown out and locked out was the equivalent for me.
But thats ok. Ive grown up to be a compeletly normal boy.
.
.
.
.
.
redrum, redrum, all work no play makes jack a dull boy, all work no play makes jack dull boy....*droool*

[Emperor_Mike]

I was locked away for a few hours at a time in the old house we lived in. If I misbehaved during the weekends I'd be at the other end of the property for a whole two days (with food of course!) My parents relied more on scaring their kids into behaving well rather than resorting to beatings. :D

I'd probably do the same with my kids if wifey and I end up living in a ginourmous home. Otherwise, I don't think a little smack here and there will do great harm. It's not like we're breaking bones here, you know?

[coagulated fat]

<!--QuoteBegin-Emperor_Mike+Aug 6 2003, 04:44 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Emperor_Mike @ Aug 6 2003, 04:44 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> I was locked away for a few hours at a time in the old house we lived in. If I misbehaved during the weekends I'd be at the other end of the property for a whole two days (with food of course!) My parents relied more on scaring their kids into behaving well rather than resorting to beatings. :D [/b][/quote]
solitary confinement?? I'd rather be hit.

[coagulated fat]

<!--QuoteBegin-ChottoMatte+Aug 6 2003, 01:34 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (ChottoMatte @ Aug 6 2003, 01:34 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <!--QuoteBegin-SunWuKung+Aug 6 2003, 12:43 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (SunWuKung @ Aug 6 2003, 12:43 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> if they kick you out, you are welcome to come live with me.&nbsp; :luv:


<img src='http://www.slantedeyes.com/picserve/dancing_banana.gif' border='0' alt='user posted image' /> [/b][/quote]
Not gonna work. I think she regards you like an older brother or a father figure. <img src='http://www.slantedeyes.com/picserve/dancing_banana.gif' border='0' alt='user posted image' /> :dance: [/b][/quote]
hey hey, don't put words in my mouth, i could be disowned at any moment and forced to move to the east coast.

[Emperor_Mike]

<!--QuoteBegin-coagulated fat+Aug 6 2003, 05:11 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (coagulated fat @ Aug 6 2003, 05:11 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> solitary confinement?? I'd rather be hit. [/b][/quote]
In retrospect, me too. Can you imagine being shuffled into a "creepy" (albeit fully furnished) room when you're but a wee lad? I'm lucky that I don't have nightmares now. :unsure:

[Faithless]

<!--QuoteBegin-coagulated fat+Aug 6 2003, 05:14 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (coagulated fat @ Aug 6 2003, 05:14 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <!--QuoteBegin-ChottoMatte+Aug 6 2003, 01:34 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (ChottoMatte @ Aug 6 2003, 01:34 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <!--QuoteBegin-SunWuKung+Aug 6 2003, 12:43 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (SunWuKung @ Aug 6 2003, 12:43 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> if they kick you out, you are welcome to come live with me.&nbsp; :luv:


<img src='http://www.slantedeyes.com/picserve/dancing_banana.gif' border='0' alt='user posted image' /> [/b][/quote]
Not gonna work. I think she regards you like an older brother or a father figure. <img src='http://www.slantedeyes.com/picserve/dancing_banana.gif' border='0' alt='user posted image' /> :dance: [/b][/quote]
hey hey, don't put words in my mouth, i could be disowned at any moment and forced to move to the east coast. [/b][/quote]
SWK, do you got a spare bedroom?

[AliBabaIncorporated]

<!--QuoteBegin-ChottoMatte+Aug 6 2003, 11:53 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (ChottoMatte @ Aug 6 2003, 11:53 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <!--QuoteBegin-coagulated fat+Aug 6 2003, 05:14 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (coagulated fat @ Aug 6 2003, 05:14 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <!--QuoteBegin-ChottoMatte+Aug 6 2003, 01:34 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (ChottoMatte @ Aug 6 2003, 01:34 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> <!--QuoteBegin-SunWuKung+Aug 6 2003, 12:43 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (SunWuKung @ Aug 6 2003, 12:43 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> if they kick you out, you are welcome to come live with me. :luv:


<img src='http://www.slantedeyes.com/picserve/dancing_banana.gif' border='0' alt='user posted image' /> [/b][/quote]
Not gonna work. I think she regards you like an older brother or a father figure. <img src='http://www.slantedeyes.com/picserve/dancing_banana.gif' border='0' alt='user posted image' /> :dance: [/b][/quote]
hey hey, don't put words in my mouth, i could be disowned at any moment and forced to move to the east coast. [/b][/quote]
SWK, do you got a spare bedroom? [/b][/quote]
separate bedrooms? what for? :P

[nonamerasian]

Anna was taken out of her dad's custody when she was 13 after he spanked upon finding out that she had a 20 year old boyfriend. abuse or discipline? can we trust a white judge to decide?

I'm not sure if it was abuse or discipline, but I think that if I was a spanker before a judge, I'd worry more about the judge's stance on corporal punishment rather than race.

[kasia]

I'm not sure if it was abuse or discipline, but I think that if I was a spanker before a judge, I'd worry more about the judge's stance on corporal punishment rather than race.

i think a lot of asian americans can tell you that race is intimately tied with one's stance on corporal punishment. it doesn't dictate how one feels, of course, culture has a lot to do with it.

[nonamerasian]

But it’s still possible that a White judge is pro corporal punishment and therefore more receptive to the parents’ point-of-view. That’s why I think his/her stance on the issue is of more importance than race.

[pikachupacabra]

Ok first all the pervs out of this thread, this isn't what you think it is, and even it is, you're still sitting at your computer giggling and muttering "heh heh, spanking!" to yourself.


For everyone else, would you spank your child? I had a heated discussion with someone at work about this, and in the end they said "well, _____, you just lost 10 cool points with me". Great. I was saving up to redeem those so I could buy a pony.

Anyways, whats your opinion on spanking? And is there a difference between men and women on this? My girlfriend and I argue over this all the time. I'm in the "spare the birch spoil the child" camp while she's more in the "make them know what they did is wrong" camp.

[moJo]

no, i wouldn't spank them. i think a better method is to sit them down and reason with them - even if they are very young and they might not understand YET. i've seen my two cousins (they're sisters) with their kids. one reasons, and the other spanks and screams. i can see the difference in the kids. i also feel that if you resort to physical discipline, you are less likely to try to verbalize it as well. lastly, you will probably be passing on that kind of physical behavior to the kids and it become generational. physical pain doesn't teach kids why what they're doing is wrong.

that said, i got spanked until i was about 8 or 9 years old. i also admit that i've slapped my nephew's hand or arm a few times, when he was bullying his cousins. but it's something that i don't want to do again.

[deez nuts]

yes. i will inherit the bamboo stick my father used to beat me and my brother.

[applehead]

i'm not opposed to it.
as a last resort, i would dish out structured spanking.
although i see some kids in public that i won't
mind just beating.

but generally i agree with mojo. talking to kids
and reasoning with them seems more effective.
and it teaches them that verbal communication
is important.
but i'd also explain to them as to why they're going to be
spanked. i doubt i'll ever spank my children though.

[VV o n g B a]

here's an old thread about it:
http://forums.yellowworld.org/showthread.php?t=2747&page=6&pp=15&highlight=spank

but ya, i'd spank the shit out of him. if it was a him. if it was a her, then i dunno. i'm sexist. so sue me.

[kimpossible]

merge

[YuheiCarreau]

My parents spanked us kids growing up. I don't look back on it as being incredibly traumatic, except that there were many times when I got spanked more because my parents were stressed out or royally pissed, and not so much because of what I'd done. I think that comes with the territory of being a first child; your parents are going through it for the first time and they are bound to make mistakes.

Anyways, it's better than the way my mom would punish my sisters for fighting. She made them stand nose-to-nose (literally) with their arms around each other until they hugged and made up. Can you imagine doing that with someone who just five minutes before stuck bubblegum in your hair?

I'd do it with my kids, but hopefully only if they did something really cruel to one another or something totally irresponsible.

[nonamerasian]

Possibly.

But I can picture myself raising children without using corporal punishment.

[hkRT]

I don't believe in spanking 'cause it didn't do nothing for me when I was hit with bamboo stick growing up. It didn't make me a better kid because of it. It made me scared when being hit and then momentarily angry at my parents ... My dad never hit me. He would just scold me very infrequently and it was not at all frightening. He's a softie. My mom was the strict one. When she spanked me, she said it's because she loved me. She was just raised that way. I got hit usually for throwing a tandrum, pulling a long face, displaying bad temper, walking away from the table angrily, trying to throw things thereby chipping furniture and walls, banging the door, or talking back. What made me a better kid was probably those moments when I had heart to heart talks with my mom... like teaching me how awful it is to lie, or when she showed her selflessness and love for us by leaving the best food for us while eating the leftovers herself, taking care of us when we were sick, working extra hard and saving money to help us through school, braving obstacles and hardships, and always being there and helping us whenever we need help.

[Yeahman]

It would really take a lot for me to hit my kids and I don't think I could ever hit a daughter. I think taking away allowance or priveleges can work just fine as a punishment.

[kasia]

do any of you feel not so close with your parents because of the way you were disciplined?

[asvenus]

do any of you feel not so close with your parents because of the way you were disciplined?
i went through a stage where i HATED my mum and prayed (yes on my knees) that i was half white instead of half asian cos it seemed like they had lives outside of the school/home although now i realise why she did certain things and i respect her for it although i hope im not as strict as she was with my children...
I don't believe in spanking 'cause it didn't do nothing for me when I was hit with bamboo stick growing up. It didn't make me a better kid because of it. It made me scared when being hit and then momentarily angry at my parents ... My dad never hit me. He would just scold me very infrequently and it was not at all frightening. He's a softie. My mom was the strict one. When she spanked me, she said it's because she loved me. She was just raised that way. I got hit usually for throwing a tandrum, pulling a long face, displaying bad temper, walking away from the table angrily, trying to throw things thereby chipping furniture and walls, banging the door, or talking back. What made me a better kid was probably those moments when I had heart to heart talks with my mom... like teaching me how awful it is to lie, or when she showed her selflessness and love for us by leaving the best food for us while eating the leftovers herself, taking care of us when we were sick, working extra hard and saving money to help us through school, braving obstacles and hardships, and always being there and helping us whenever we need help.
i did write something in this thread yesterday but its vanished :confused: so im glad hkrt has basically summed up my childhood in her post!! although my dad would employ the 'bore them to tears method' which consisted of 'talking' to us for hours until we literally begged him to let mama loose on our asses :biggrin:
im in the 'i'll beat that ass' camp, nothing wrong with a corrective slap although important to have pre-lashings procedure in place...i think when parents hit children out of frustration because they have failed to instill proper discipline then its wrong...when the child is being hard headed now...thats another matter!! as my gran says..'if you cant hear then you must feel'..heh heh..

[applehead]

i did write something in this thread yesterday but its vanished :confused: so im glad hkrt has basically summed up my childhood in her post!! although my dad would employ the 'bore them to tears method' which consisted of 'talking' to us for hours until we literally begged him to let mama loose on our asses :biggrin:

AUGH. same here.
several hits to the hand or the calves
would have been better than hours of
"talking" and lecturing that i had to endure,
on my knees no less,
in front of my dad.

all the crying and the guilt trips.

my dad would say "bring a box of tissues..."
and we all knew what was up.

[kuilong]

This might be a really naive response, since I really have no idea what I'm talking about here, but every psychologist I've talked to has said that there's no good evidence that spanking will help a child; on the contrary, it tends to result in the formation of an external conscience.

[nonamerasian]

This might be a really naive response, since I really have no idea what I'm talking about here, but every psychologist I've talked to has said that there's no good evidence that spanking will help a child; on the contrary, it tends to result in the formation of an external conscience.

I think there are studies that go both ways, although most do say that spanking doesn't do any good or may do more harm than good.

But relying too much on punishment, whether spanking, grounding, or whatever, supposedly will cause children to react based on an external conscience.

I've heard that in order to avoid this, your goal in parenting should be instilling discipline rather than instilling punishment.

I suppose that means that you use modeling, reasoning, praise, and punishment in order to get the child to behave as you'd like rather than just depending on punishment so that the child will behave that way because it's right and the norm rather than just because the punishment received if he/she doesn't.

[snowflurrie]

I was never spanked. I do recall seeing my brother spanked by my mother on several occasions, sometimes with the feather duster, sometimes in public. Very embarrassing though he did deserve it...

Now that I think about it though, I don't know that spanking is appropriate at her age. It just seems weird to be spanking someone at such an age. Has anyone been spanked in their teens (and not in an erotic way)? Last time I saw my little brother get spanked, he was well under 10 years old.

I always assumed spanking was reserved for younger kids who lacked or had a diminished capacity for rational/logical thought so that psychological coercion/punishment was ineffective. So where does one draw the line?

Of course, I was all for the flogging of that dumbass kid in Singapore...

Alex

I know you put this two years ago, (and I just joined a month or so ago so it's all new to me) but I was wondering what/who was that kid in Singapore... If anyone can answer me that'd me great b/c i'm so curious

[nonamerasian]

I know you put this two years ago, (and I just joined a month or so ago so it's all new to me) but I was wondering what/who was that kid in Singapore... If anyone can answer me that'd me great b/c i'm so curious

Michael Fay.

He was a young American in Singapore who got charged with vandalism.

Clinton made a big deal about it because the penality was flogging. There were debates about whether it was humane or deserved.

It was all over the press in '94.

[snowflurrie]

oh... thanks!

[yoMAMA]

I would never hit my children.

but that's just me.

[snowflurrie]

I would never hit my children.

but that's just me.

If they really deserved it I guess I would but I wouldn't for stupid things like getting a B in a course or not memorizing your timetables... that's just stupid for getting hit for.

I got hit when I was little, mostly with a feather duster but that was when I was really bad- stopped when I was 8. I'd be running around and around in the house or locking myself in the bathroom... usually worked lol

[pikachupacabra]

If they really deserved it I guess I would but I wouldn't for stupid things like getting a B in a course or not memorizing your timetables... that's just stupid for getting hit for.

I got hit when I was little, mostly with a feather duster but that was when I was really bad- stopped when I was 8. I'd be running around and around in the house or locking myself in the bathroom... usually worked lol


i swear, every single chinese kid got hit with a fricken feather duster at one point in their childhood. Is there some sort of training book on this?

[robotic]

as far as i can recall, i don't remember my mom and dad spanking me or my brother. there was an incident once, in 6th grade, when i acted completely unreasonably (moody explosions) with mom because she picked me up late from school. i yelled while walking with her across the campus about how i had to wait in the heat for so long - then she shouted at me to keep my anger in check once we got in the car, and when she reached home (we argued the whole way ;_;) she lifted one of her slippers with the intention to smack my face but stopped mid-way and told me to go back to my room. now when i look back at this, i think, she should have smacked me. she should have smacked me so hard. but she didn't.

i have a stubborn, yet emotional nature towards people and situations. i take out all my frustration of offensive comments i recieve during a day, a degrading esteem etc. on my family. when they get angry in turn, i turn defensive and start to cry; often saying things i don't mean and telling them that i wished they would understand me more.

i don't understand how they, and she copes with it. (i really need a taste of my own medicene.)

[moJo]

i swear, every single chinese kid got hit with a fricken feather duster at one point in their childhood. Is there some sort of training book on this?
not me. we didn't even have a feather duster in the house! i just got the old-fashioned slaps with the hand. and being yelled at. and lectures/guilt trips. the lectures/guilt trips worked wonders.

[tapestrybabe]

i got spanked a few times
when i was a kid...
by my mom that is...
who is yes, white...

one time she ended up
slapping my sister in the face...
when the two of them
got into a heated argument...
this happened when my sister
was in her young teenage years...

not sure if spanking did me any good...
but i know, my mom always
regrets raising her hand like that...
towards my sister in the way she did that time...

[relus]

Yes, spank em :P

[Hiroshi2]

This might be a really naive response, since I really have no idea what I'm talking about here, but every psychologist I've talked to has said that there's no good evidence that spanking will help a child; on the contrary, it tends to result in the formation of an external conscience.





Psychologists are only good to an extent. I say beat they ass.

[Tao]

doesn't it depend on the child and how the parent educates him/her? like i know little rugrats that are just begging to be spanked, cause they purposely cause trouble. but then i realize it's mostly the ineptitude of the parents, who are inconsistent and are often times just as moody and tempremental as the children, that's the real culprit. So i guess my choice would be, spank only if reason doesn't work.

[Hiroshi2]

I say beat they ass.

[deborah123]

As a Young Mum,I do it as needed. Over my knee,with the panties or knickers down. To my son and to children I babysit when punishment is needed. There's nothing like a well spanked fanny to make a child behave.

[deborah123]

Bare bottom and over a Mums Lap is the best place for the misbehaving child.

[Leinad]

i got spanked a few times
when i was a kid...
by my mom that is...
who is yes, white...

one time she ended up
slapping my sister in the face...
when the two of them
got into a heated argument...
this happened when my sister
was in her young teenage years...



I got slapped my my mum 1ce when i was 10 lol... that made me feel kinda proud, cuz that kinda made me feel like a grown-up/ a real man (u no like how 'real men' get slapped by women on tv)

[LaiSteve66]

LOL I clearly remember the spankings administered by my White mother.

I remember my next door neighbors who were Viet, would get whooped routinely. One of them got smart and right before he would get whooped, he would say that he had to go to the bathroom and then he would go to his closet and put on ten pairs of underwear and then go back out and get whooped. LOL

[moser]

I don't think spanking is so bad, so long as the parent is demonstrating complete self control and had made it very clear beforehand that certain behaviors result in certain punishments.

Blowing up on a kid is probably more psychologically damaging than controlled, approprtiate physical punishment.

[bushido]

Some kids do need a spanking. I say if the parents can't do it, I should be allow to do it for them.

[juice4]

Hey, Here's a page dedicated to the subject. Keep in mind it's satirical. Funny in a ridiculous kind of way.

kid beating (http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=beat)

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/images/beatkid4.jpg

[AliBabaIncorporated]

That used to be a picture of a REAL kid ... what happened?

[juice4]

yeah i thought the real kid was funnier.

[eos]

i got hit once by my dad for not practicing violin. he also locked me in the bathroom when i was 4-5 because i spilled my bowl of rice.
my cousin used to get beat with the feather duster too and i remember one time my aunt locked her out in the cold when she couldn't find it (we tossed it somewhere). i wanted to let her in but my aunt was standing by the door.

[skywatch]

^how's ur relationship with your dad?

I'm still undecided on spanking. My siblings and I were spanked when we were kids and we turned out great. My sister has kids now, and she never spanks them or raise her voice (even though my mom does when they're not paying attention). I'm just going to wait and see how my nieces turnout and go from there.

[juice4]

i got hit once by my dad for not practicing violin.


the very same thing happened to me... on another occasion, my dad threw my violin case at my head because i wouldn't perform in front of his friends to impress them.

[eos]

^how's ur relationship with your dad?



my mom and her side basically raised me and my sister. my dad and his side rarely had a hand in our lives. it put a strain on our relationship and when my parents divorced it was even harder. my dad realized he wasn't really there for us and tried to make up for it. i said,"too little, too late", and i stayed away from my dad as much as possible. it's better now though.

the very same thing happened to me... on another occasion, my dad threw my violin case at my head because i wouldn't perform in front of his friends to impress them.


yikes. i was never forced to perform for my parents' friends. wasn't good enough.

[ashylarry]

I got spanked and beat when I was a kid, but I know that I fully deserve it. I am sure all asian parents rather go to jail/prison then to see their kids running foolishly around doing FCUKED up stuff.

Besides childhood abuse does not negatively affect their adulthood, look at me, I wear my underwear to school!^_^

[Filiprish]

I had a psych professor (she, btw, not sure if relevant) who said that disciplining a child with physical force is not valid b/c it teaches that you can control and be controlled through physical force. Isn't that the point?!

Sometimes kids deserve a prudent smack (<-not abuse). :redface:

[Craig]

I got spanked and beat when I was a kid, but I know that I fully deserve it. I am sure all asian parents rather go to jail/prison then to see their kids running foolishly around doing FCUKED up stuff.

Besides childhood abuse does not negatively affect their adulthood, look at me, I wear my underwear to school!^_^Speak for yourself, ... how fucked up is the child's life going to be with a parent that goes to jail/prison, loses his/her job, fucks over future employment opportunities, income loss, family problems, etc. If I have children, I'm not raising them in this Nazi liberal state. I talked with a family friend and he told me stuff like how a coworker had social workers come to his house and hound him because his child had drawn a picture for elementary school saying something like my dad likes to watch sports and drink beer. He said another co-worker was afraid to discipline his child and planning on getting rid of him because it's easier in the state of California, etc.

[LaiSteve66]

I talked with a family friend and he told me stuff like how a coworker had social workers come to his house and hound him because his child had drawn a picture for elementary school saying something like my dad likes to watch sports and drink beer.


That is completely retarded, what a waste of tax dollars.

[pikachupacabra]

i got hit once by my dad for not practicing violin. he also locked me in the bathroom when i was 4-5 because i spilled my bowl of rice.
my cousin used to get beat with the feather duster too and i remember one time my aunt locked her out in the cold when she couldn't find it (we tossed it somewhere). i wanted to let her in but my aunt was standing by the door.


I swear, every asian parent uses that feather duster for spanking, not dusting.

The obvious solution here is to remove feather dusters from asian markets, immediately removing all physical discipline from the household.

Of course, I'm of the persuasion that "spare the birch spoil the child", but hey, I always got spanked for my brother being dumb, soooo....

[Craig]

That is completely retarded, what a waste of tax dollars.The California liberals need to protect the innocent children from their ethnic alcoholic fathers ... I don't know the details, but I wouldn't be surprised if in such cases the person being investigated gets a bill from the state of California (actually, knowing California they probably put the guy into some long term program where he's being monitored and milked of his money for 2-3 years).