Are Asian guys really that discriminated against in the dating pool?

[grimfan]

According to the internet, Asian guys can't hook up with any girls: Asian, white, black, Indian, Latino, etc. But I always have to wonder who are making these comments, and the possibility that the great majority of complainers are simply undesirable in the first place and are using race to become martyrs. Even amongst my Asian friends, the ones who complain about racial discrimination the most are usually the ones who are most socially awkward and unhandsome. The good-looking and personable guys have no trouble anywhere. Of course, then the argument becomes that Asian guys have to be twice as good in order to be equal to a guy of any other race. However, you never see a short nerdy white or black guy who is very popular with the girls in a non-brotherly way. Sometimes, I get frustrated because I sense that it's a legion of short ugly Asian guys. who really have no right to expect special attention from the opposite sex, who keep making us look like whiners and perpetuating the myth of the unwanted Asian guy. I could be wrong, but I hope I'm not. Your thoughts?

[Napoleon Chynamite]

I'm not saying that there isn't some type of stereotyping or discrimination which makes it harder for Asian males to get dates in this society (cause there is), but personally I've never met an Asian dude (either among my friends or otherwise) that either complained or had trouble getting any. And the dating game can't be THAT bad if even I've been given chances and opportunities.

[dulcinea]

not really, but asian guys seem to have better luck with other asian girls. How rare to see an asian guy date a white, black or any other race girl other than asian. Now an asian chick with a white guy? ALLLL the tiiiiimmme..~its weird though..out of all my guy friends that are asian..they seem to mainly like only asian girls anyway..but my asian girlfriends would totally date out of their race.

[achtungbaby]

According to the internet, Asian guys can't hook up with any girls: Asian, white, black, Indian, Latino, etc.
Until they came to Yellowworld.org :smile:

Even amongst my Asian friends, the ones who complain about racial discrimination the most are usually the ones who are most socially awkward and unhandsome.

You mean "racial discrimination" with respect to dating, right? You're not saying that racism doesn't exist and if it did, then only ugly people would be against it, right?

Sometimes, I get frustrated because I sense that it's a legion of short ugly Asian guys. who really have no right to expect special attention from the opposite sex, who keep making us look like whiners and perpetuating the myth of the unwanted Asian guy. I could be wrong, but I hope I'm not.

It'd be convenient if all opposing arguments could be wrapped up in a similar bow: all those conservatives are actually a bunch of intolerant bigots who want to force the Bible down your throat; all of those politically correct liberals who oppose the current administration are a bunch of draft-card burning nuts who hate guns and beer and loud burping...

But don't fall into that trap. Attack the argument, which goes well- beyond the question, "can Asian guys score?"

[LaiSteve66]

I think whether or not someone has game plays a bigger role in getting a date than what race you are.

[returntosender]

Almost all of the english speaking asian girls I've seen are either dating a white guy or are single and holding out in the hopes that a white guy will ask them out. Are Asian guys discriminated against? Sort of. There isn't much help in the form of positive images. There are nuances you can't quite straight out call discrimination, but it does make you think.

Like the other day I was reading a Canadian magazine, and they had a full page add with a big picture of an Asian guy. I don't think I've ever seen a public add this widely circulated with an Asian guy at the center before BUT it had something to do with a health organization. It struck me as odd and coincidental that there is also that scare of the Asian Avian Flu that is travelling towards the west. Things like that do make you go 'huh?'

[Yeahman]

Guys always have a hard time getting with a girl of a different race. And Asian girls tend to be much more open to dating white guys than white girls are open to dating Asian guys.

[snailpoo]

But don't fall into that trap. Attack the argument, which goes well- beyond the question, "can Asian guys score?"

Isn't that the problem? This is a social experiment, not a scientific one, so there's no way to account for all the different variables. You can't account for things like charm, wit, appearance, and game.

The reason why I might agree with Grimfan is that in my anecdotal experience, the vast majority of the guys that I knew who whined about white guys stealing asian girls were guys who lacked the confidence to competently approach any girl, asian or otherwise.

However, the reason why I would disagree with Grimfan is that while I've seen white guys with ultra-fobby Asian girls who barely speak English, I've never seen ultra-fobby Asian guys who barely speak English with white girls.

In the end, I think I tend more to agree with Grimfan. While it might be easier for Asian girls, I don't think it's difficult for Asian guys.
not really, but asian guys seem to have better luck with other asian girls. How rare to see an asian guy date a white, black or any other race girl other than asian. Now an asian chick with a white guy? ALLLL the tiiiiimmme..~its weird though..out of all my guy friends that are asian..they seem to mainly like only asian girls anyway..but my asian girlfriends would totally date out of their race.

I think this depends on upbringing and environment. A lot of Asian guys are expected to carry on the family line, and I know I got a few reminders to only date Asian girls when I was little (not that I was allowed to date or even thinking about dating at the time). Of course, then my uncle married a blonde, and those reminders stopped. But for other families... don't the boys often get those reminders, and the girls often do not?

Then again, I was the type to heed everything my parents said, anyway, and I guess the next thing would be my environment. I grew up in down South, away from all of the Asian concentrations in New York and California. Not that there weren't other Asians, but it was predominantly non-Asian. The interesting thing I've found upon entering college, was that the Asian guys who shared my experiences growing up in diverse environments usually didn't have a problem dating outside of race. The Asian guys who grew up in predominantly Asian immigrant enclaves... they were more likely to complain about white men.

[Flow to Live]

I don't know about you guys but i have a easier time getting hispanic and girls then asian girls *shrugs* don't know why.

[snailpoo]

Edit: Yes, me is coherent today. Really, me is.


Then again, I was NOT the type to heed everything my parents said, anyway, and I guess the next thing would be my environment.

[kimpossible]

As someone from a family of AF/WM, I can tell you that I heard more than once that Asian men were too much trouble to marry. More from my grandmother (Japanese from Japan) than my mother (half-Japanese and kinda 1.5er). When I was getting serious with my then boyfriend-now husband, my grandmother actively discouraged me from a relationship with him, urging me to find an "American" guy.

Her reasons were multiple. I think the primary one was that as the eldest son, she thought I wouldn't be able to cut it with the in-laws because I was too American. But there was also some sentiment about Asian guys making shitty, wifebeating husbands and it didn't help that she hated Chinese, along with about every other Asian group outside of maybe Koreans. But maybe she hated Koreans too. Who knows. Who cares.

On my husband's side, I know the exact type of girl his parents wanted him to marry. Probably something like Kasie, but Taiwanese instead. According to my husband, he had a lot of this dating pressure in conjunction with dealing living (as an adolescent and young adult) in an almost all white environment outside of home and stereotypes of Asian guys amongst white girls. But he also fails to take into account that he's a lifelong nerd and few high school or college girls regardless of race are into DnD computer nerds.

Even if he did have more chances to date casually, he still wouldn't have taken many of them seriously unless they were at least partially Asian (not just racially but culturally) because of his personal standards.

Another odd reaction we've received is from my father. It's only one person so I don't know if you can reach any conclusions about white males married to Asian females but after receiving a copy of our wedding album he did remark to me that it was really weird for him to see me with an Asian guy - he always pictured me married to an "American." Now why he thought it he was more naturally compatible with an Asian than me was probably based on WM/AF stereotypes. My grandfather has never said anything. But he has more (half-Asian but some look full) sons than daughters and they all married white so I don't think he processed it as different than norm.

I think modern American society definitely does stack the cards against Asian guys dating "out" more based on perceptions of them, but there are also other factors in play such as family demands/requests and personal standards for more serious relationships. I don't think you can point the finger at only the nerdy foreigner stereotype.

[Boy_Hong]

I grew up in down South, away from all of the Asian concentrations in New York and California. Not that there weren't other Asians, but it was predominantly non-Asian. The interesting thing I've found upon entering college, was that the Asian guys who shared my experiences growing up in diverse environments usually didn't have a problem dating outside of race. The Asian guys who grew up in predominantly Asian immigrant enclaves... they were more likely to complain about white men.
My experiences are samewhat similar to yours. I was raised, brought up and continually live in a caucasian dominant area, thus my views of beauty growing up were those of white women. Not too proud of that fact, but I admit it, and I have seeked treatment :biggrin: Kidding aside, throughout highschool, I really thought Asian men were discriminated in terms of dating. And those Asian men who did date white women were just "lucky." But then during Uni I had an epiphany. I was using, "Asian men are discriminated against blah blah blah.." as an excuse. After that, something changed within my approach to women and found it to work. More about being myself and less about having a chip on my shoulder. I started to date white women, and my new slogan was.. if you're not white, and you speak good English, white women will love you. To an extent, it was true but then I made a friend who totally debunked this myth. He was from Hong Kong originally and had lived in my city for 7year already. He was still very fobby, accent, how he dressed..whatever. And he would hookup with women, white or Asian (Canadian or landed) consistently. Again, it was all in approach. And really, it was through him that I started to find Asian women alot more attractive and come to a point in my life where I'd rather date Asian women exclusively.

[TyroneK(prettypretty)]

I think the truth is somewhere in between the two extremes.

A lot of dating success for men is about marketing. While a lot of dating success comes from how well the individual approaches things, I do think that negative racial perceptions and stereotypes about Asians means that Asian men in America have to be a lot better at marketing themselves than men of other races. They can't rely on nearly as many positive assumptions and associations on the part of women to help Asian men coast for lapses in "game." One or two misplaced anecdotes can irrevocably turn you into Long Duc Dong in a manner of seconds.

It's not an impossible feat for an Asian guy to date outside of his race in this country, but it does take a lot more active effort on the part of Asian men to defy very prevalent negative stereotypes. Part of this also involves deprogramming ourselves of how many 1st/2nd generation males have been taught to act by our parents. That's not easy either.

Still, we have much more powers of self-determination than the whiners would like to think.

[Chad]

I don't know about you guys but i have a easier time getting hispanic and girls then asian girls *shrugs* don't know why.
Same here. I think it might be because they generally have less hangups about dating outside of their race, less bias against Asians. In my experience a lot of hispanic people have a positive impression of Asian people. But this is only conjecture and guesses.

[tapestrybabe]

the current korean guy i'm dating...
his previous girlfriend before me
was a white girl...
i think he's made the right choice...
choosing to want to be with
me instead :D

and on another note...
its kinda weird...
most of the korean male adoptees
i've come in contact with...
have mostly ended up
dating white girls than asian...

[Paradox]

I'd say the difficulties are true to an extent but I agree that i've never seen a decent looking asian man with good career prospects have a problem with dates. Usually these guys are snatched up pretty quickly. It's usually the social introverts or the very mediocre who have issues with the dating pool. However, I do feel that you have to be "better" in order to get the same chances as an average white man in this society. This goes for education, career, personal life, and just about everything else, there is definitely a built in social advantage to being white. As an unpopular ethnic minority man it's already considered a strike so you have to excel in whatever you do or it will drag you down.

I've already expressed my opinions about how westernized asians have more insecurity issues than most other ethnicities. For some people "integrating" means marrying out as soon as possible to hide the family shame of not being white. :rolleyes: Once you spend time away from the race politics of the U.S./Canada you realize there are plenty of well adjusted asian men and women..in asia. I didn't really know what it was like being around asian people without the usual social baggage until I travelled a bit.

There's a big difference in how asian men and women are viewed in the west. As I said before we might as well be classified into two different racial categories. Asian women are almost considered "white" women. Asian men are still considered niggers.

[Napoleon Chynamite]

Asian men are still considered niggers.

Another excuse yet again for me to be able to say "my niggah" to all my Asian friends.

[fresh22]

Yeesh, this topic has already veered into the white guy/asian girl vs. white girl/asian guy debacle.

[Napoleon Chynamite]

Yeesh, this topic has already veered into the white guy/asian girl vs. white girl/asian guy debacle.

What do you mean "veered". That's what it was all about right from the start~

[Paradox]

Yeesh, this topic has already veered into the white guy/asian girl vs. white girl/asian guy debacle.
But it's totally relevant given the topic. It's a horse that's been beaten to death and thrown over the side of the bridge but if asian-americans want to have some introspection we need to examine everything.

Personally, I feel that our collective image of ourselves is so tainted that it's almost impossible to be a completely "normal" asian-american.

[fresh22]

What do you mean "veered". That's what it was all about right from the start~

As I interpreted grimfan's original post, he was stating Asian guys and women of all races in general.

[Napoleon Chynamite]

But it's totally relevant given the topic. It's a horse that's been beaten to death and thrown over the side of the bridge but if asian-americans want to have some introspection we need to examine everything.

Yeah and....we've examined it..like you said, over and over again.

Personally, I feel that our collective image of ourselves is so tainted that it's almost impossible to be a completely "normal" asian-american.

What do you mean by normal? Someone without issues? Everyone has issues. It ain't gonna happen. And quite frankly none of my issues (and believe me I had plenty) had anything to do with my racial or ethnic identity while growing up. I actually started thinking or having more insecurities AFTER visiting online Asian forums where Asian people (men especially) began to talk as if their lives were living hells with no escape.

[Paradox]

Yeah and....we've examined it..like you said, over and over again.

Yeah, but there's a reason why it gets brought up over and over again too.

What do you mean by normal? Someone without issues? Everyone has issues.

Issues brought upon by racial discrimination and social conditioning.

It ain't gonna happen. And quite frankly none of my issues (and believe me I had plenty) had anything to do with my racial or ethnic identity while growing up. I actually started thinking or having more insecurities AFTER visiting online Asian forums where Asian people (men especially) began to talk as if their lives were living hells with no escape.
Yes, but if you think about it your personality differences ARE influenced by the environment you are in. Just consider everything in your life and how things have turned out. Whether it's your career path, the people you hang out with or date,..think about how race has played a subtle role in all of this. It's not the end all be all but i'd say the way the west views us has a huge factor in shaping us.

[Napoleon Chynamite]

Yeah, but there's a reason why it gets brought up over and over again too.

I don't mean to be rude seriously, but where does it ever get us? We can all agree that it's not exactly a topic that lacks coverage or attention. What more can be done in an online setting regarding this issue/concern without taking into account the hostility such threads often produce over time?

Issues brought upon by racial discrimination and social conditioning.

This can easily apply to any other minority and subordinate group in America and probably anywhere else. Of course, out of all this, the Asian American experience and struggle is unique (with unique struggles that differ among Asian American subgroups), as is the African American and Latino/Hispanic American struggle, and not "abnormal". It's not like since Asian Americans face the model minority myth among other crap (and thus makes a greater portion of us potentially more sympathetic to white interests) that therefore our experiences suddenly cannot ever be normal; Other groups face equally unique barriers that apply to their race/ethnicity in association with discriminatory structures and social norms/attitudes.

Yes, but if you think about it your personality differences ARE influenced by the environment you are in. Just consider everything in your life and how things have turned out. Whether it's your career path, the people you hang out with or date,..think about how race has played a subtle role in all of this. It's not the end all be all but i'd say the way the west views us has a huge factor in shaping us.

I agree with this pretty much, but then again, this is just like saying the obvious that social factors and societal norms and standards influence our choices and actions in life.

[Paradox]

I don't mean to be rude seriously, but where does it ever get us? What more can be done in an online setting regarding this issue/concern without taking into account the hostility such threads often produce over time?

Yeah but ignoring the reasons why doesn't make it any better either. I don't like the reaction of throwing up your hands and saying "oh we've been through this before" because it doesn't mean much.

This can easily apply to any other minority and subordinate group in America and probably anywhere else. Of course, out of all this, the Asian American experience and struggle is unique, as is the African American and Latino/Hispanic American struggle, and not "abnormal".

There's a sense of self awareness of ethnic issues that dominates being an african or latino person in America. There is empowerment there, because at least they have people that stand up and call out the bullshit that goes on. With asian-americans it seems that we are largely a social failure in this regard. The most common reaction with asian-americans that i've seen is adopting the "head in the sand" approach that we have no problems at all. Just because we are economically successful doesn't mean shit. We are still considered niggers. What's worse is that in more than one way we are the "house niggers" if you are familiar with that term. A house nigger was someone that stayed in the master's house and sometimes ate in his presence. However, he was resented by all other niggers because he was favored as long as he didn't get too uppity.

If you look at history we occupy a colonial middleground like mulattos in haiti or jews in old europe. A tool for white people to use because we don't have a strong racial or political awareness.

I agree with this pretty much, but then again, this is just like saying the obvious that social factors and societal norms and standards influence our choices and actions in life.
Let me phrase this is a different way then..do you feel that the social factors that have influenced us have been mostly positive or negative?

[deez nuts]

Are Asian guys really that discriminated against in the dating pool?

nope cuz most of the time the asian fella is aiming too high in one or any combination of the following: the looks department (he's uglier than she is), education department (he's dumber than she is), career department (he's poorer than she is).

and in cases of IR with asian men, i mean this is where these types of discussion inevitably always leads to, those three factors i just mentioned are emphasized even more and compounded with the fact that in general women are more selective when choosing a partner than men.

[VV o n g B a]

nope cuz most of the time the asian fella is aiming too high in one or any combination of the following: the looks department (he's uglier than she is), education department (he's dumber than she is), career department (he's poorer than she is).reminds me of what a friend told me about some women in new york. this indian guy and his cousin were out w/ some extremely hot girls. one of the girls was miss india of new york and the white girls were just hot.

they asked him what he did and he said he was a pharm fellow at rutgers. they didn't know what that was but when he explained they immediately said, "so u're struggling." not even a question. and they proceeded to ignore him the rest of the night. his cousin on the other hand got their attention all night b/c he was some wall street big shot.

next day he says he's gonna get $500 cuff links b/c girls like that notice the details and can immediately pick out who is rich and who isn't.

as disgusting as that is i have to say that i'd wanna be filthy rich so i could get that kind of attention w/o even trying. =P

[LaiSteve66]

^^ Having money definitely helps.

[deez nuts]

reminds me of what a friend told me about some women in new york. this indian guy and his cousin were out w/ some extremely hot girls. one of the girls was miss india of new york and the white girls were just hot.

they asked him what he did and he said he was a pharm fellow at rutgers. they didn't know what that was but when he explained they immediately said, "so u're struggling." not even a question. and they proceeded to ignore him the rest of the night. his cousin on the other hand got their attention all night b/c he was some wall street big shot.

next day he says he's gonna get $500 cuff links b/c girls like that notice the details and can immediately pick out who is rich and who isn't.

as disgusting as that is i have to say that i'd wanna be filthy rich so i could get that kind of attention w/o even trying. =P

lol. that's a funny story.

you know what they say: all's fair in love and war.

[yoMAMA]

reminds me of what a friend told me about some women in new york. this indian guy and his cousin were out w/ some extremely hot girls. one of the girls was miss india of new york and the white girls were just hot.

they asked him what he did and he said he was a pharm fellow at rutgers. they didn't know what that was but when he explained they immediately said, "so u're struggling." not even a question. and they proceeded to ignore him the rest of the night. his cousin on the other hand got their attention all night b/c he was some wall street big shot.

next day he says he's gonna get $500 cuff links b/c girls like that notice the details and can immediately pick out who is rich and who isn't.

as disgusting as that is i have to say that i'd wanna be filthy rich so i could get that kind of attention w/o even trying. =P

gold diggers....

[pikachupacabra]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v181/MrMacMan/Forum%20stuff/AwJeezNotThisSheetAgain1.jpg

[Napoleon Chynamite]

Yeah but ignoring the reasons why doesn't make it any better either. I don't like the reaction of throwing up your hands and saying "oh we've been through this before" because it doesn't mean much.

Well, is there anything else that you or anyone else wants to say about this matter on a forum that hasn't been said before? Those who feel the most strongly about this issue have repeated over and over again what, in their opinion, needs to be done and how much they think it sucks. Now it's time for these passionate individuals to put their actions where their mouth is and take the first steps and lead since after all, they are the ones that seem to hold the largest stakes and are of the highly motivated. It'd be better than just talking (repeatedly) about how crappy we have it on a forum. If they aren't going to act then to me that just means it's mostly whining and they have no real drive or desire behind their cause and powerful words.

Let me phrase this is a different way then..do you feel that the social factors that have influenced us have been mostly positive or negative?

Well you want my honest answer, I never really thought about whether or not the social factors and my Asian'ness was really a positive or negative influence until as I mentioned before, I went online. Frankly I really do think it depends on the person. While growing up in a sea of white faces, I naturally wanted to look like everyone else as an elementary and middle school student, but over time it didn't bother me much and I actually felt good about who I was and how I looked. Of course, in a society where the dominant culture is of the white variety, you will run into situations where you feel left out because of your racial background, and when you are young and impressionable being left out and "abnormal" is the last thing anyone wants to be. Dominant social factors harm ANY subordinate/minority group, not just Asian Americans. Going by this train of thought, you cannot have positive influence toward any minority group as a result of dominant social factors. You ask me whether or not social factors have been largely positive or negative, I assume, toward me and Asian Americans. I'd have to respond with the question, "Have social factors been largely negative or positive toward minorities in general?"

Nevertheless, perhaps it's just a matter of where you grow up, but in the past decade or so I've had little to no trouble embracing or being proud of being "Asian" if only because there was no shortage of Asian people around me (in high school and college) that did the same. Sure, a lot of it was foolish, what with the whole azn pryde bubble tea-drinking thing, but dominant mainstream culture and lifestyles in general contain a lot of flashy and seemingly pointless substance-free aspects and I can't say it didn't help. I never really had any problems with this until I came onto Asian forums, and I admit that I questioned my self-worth, because quite frankly, when you have all these people of your own (Asian guys) telling you that society is out to get you and that you might as well take a shotgun to your face because of it, after a while you wonder if it's really true. I guess I've gotten both sides of the coin: While being fortunate enough to have been raised in an area with minimal outward racism despite being surrounded by whites, I was able to refrain from adopting the type of die-hard cynicism so prevalent on these sites...at the same time by reading the words of these individuals I'm able to acquire a greater awareness on those that are not so fortunate, on the reality of racism actually existing and playing a significant role in many other Asian people's lives depending on the environment and situation, and so on.

[pikachupacabra]

Zero zero ZERO offense intended at all Herb, but weren't you the one who said you never have had a significant other? Or am I totally imagining it and pulling it right from my ass into my head?




On the actual topic...yes, I would argue that there is discrimination against asian males in the dating pool. However, to be SUCCESSFUL in the dating world, you can't let something like that hold you back.

Are majority-blooded asians disappearing from the American gene pool? As far as I know, we are not, at least not at any significant rate. Therefore, there are tons of Asian guys who ARE making the "cut" dating-wise.

So if you're asian, and you worry about the discrimnation and "stacked" playing field you're fighting against in the dating world, you're only doing yourself a disservice. If we are already so impaired, why hamstring yourself further? Worrying about it and conceptualizing it all day long is only going to hurt your game, your confidence, and your chances with the opposite (or same?) sex.

The same goes for any other trait that is considered a "detriment" to dating. Short people often have trouble dating if they're continually self-aware of their shortness. Ever hear of a napolean complex? It's cuz it draws ATTENTION to itself. No one wants to date someone who's always bitter and afraid people are going to constantly beat on their perceived shortcomings.

The same goes for being an asian male. Discriminated or not, in the actual dating game, it should be irrelevant. All that's going to to is further perpetuate a stereotype of being discriminated against. Nasty cycle, meet repeating itself. Go have fun kids.

[Napoleon Chynamite]

Zero zero ZERO offense intended at all Herb, but weren't you the one who said you never have had a significant other? Or am I totally imagining it and pulling it right from my ass into my head?

I've never had a steady girlfriend. I dated white girls until I got to college, then started dating more Asian women when I actually saw Asian women in abundance for the first time. I've dated more white women than Asian women but quite frankly I've come over the years to prefer Asian women; I guess the bottom line is here at the school where I transferred there aren't that many of them. I'm afraid of commitment...I also, for whatever childhood reasons, developed a psychological disorder over time which peaked and worsened in my early 20's which gave me a fear of close physical contact, germs, and consequently, sexually transmitted diseases (to the point where I'm worried about contracting them without even having sex) that has kept me from getting too close to anyone. It's a vicious and torturous cycle really, the only thing that keeps me talking to women is the fact that I'm a horny guy.

[hkRT]

I have some theories about this...

Relatively speaking and in terms of numbers, women especially white women tend to be more prejudiced than men when it comes to dating. They tend to care a whole lot more about how people see them and how they look to other people in relation to western beauty standards. (please note: there are of course exceptions to this.)

Negative stereotypes (whether it is race-nonspecific nerdy sterotypes or racial stereotypes) affect a person's confidence level and it is a vicious cycle... I've seen some shy people who are actually quite beautiful but they are too shy to stand in the spotlight and shine... whereas some supposedly popular guys are not necessarily good looking at all but they either have the confidence or assertiveness that make them attractive or they can be just plain arrogant who *think* they are all that. This applies to both guys and girls.

If I were a guy, I wouldn't care about the color of my girlfriend. And I definitely wouldn't feel a thing if some people did not want to date me because of my race or something. WHY would I care about racist people who weren't interested in dating me? It's their loss. And actually it makes me happy I don't have to bother with them. Dating is different than say, searching for employment. When you hear someone getting stabbed in a hate crime, or someone getting belittled in public because of his/her race, being mistreated in the workplace because of his/her race, you feel compelled to stand up for justice. But when some prejudiced girl or guy doesn't date you, you say good riddance because why on earth would you want to date such a person? You choose who you want to date. Given that you let yourself shine, those people who like you will accept you, and vice versa... I mean, we are not looking for trophy racist bitches or bastards....

[grimfan]

It's a fact that most Asian families would rather give up daughters to other races than sons. It's total bullshit, but I know this from personal experience. I think we'd be remiss if we didn't blame this sexist and traditionalist behavior for some of the discrimination Asian guys may face.

A lot of my friends are Filipinos, and a handful of them whine about the bias against Asian guys. However, there are at least a couple of do well with all kinds of girls, and they're not extremely good looking or even tall for that matter (~5'5"). The main difference is that the guys who have success actually go out to places where they meet girls, instead of sticking to all-Filipino enclaves that only venture out to the local arcade or PC gaming room.

[SunWuKong]

next day he says he's gonna get $500 cuff links b/c girls like that notice the details and can immediately pick out who is rich and who isn't.

as disgusting as that is i have to say that i'd wanna be filthy rich so i could get that kind of attention w/o even trying. =P

why would you want girls like that in the first place? if you're going for something serious, you'd want girls who are less shallow. if you're just trying to get laid, there're cheaper ways than buying $500 cuff links - just lie. i mean he's halfway there anyway if he's buying cuff links he can't really afford to buy.

[yoMAMA]

Zero zero ZERO offense intended at all Herb, but weren't you the one who said you never have had a significant other? Or am I totally imagining it and pulling it right from my ass into my head?




On the actual topic...yes, I would argue that there is discrimination against asian males in the dating pool. However, to be SUCCESSFUL in the dating world, you can't let something like that hold you back.

Are majority-blooded asians disappearing from the American gene pool? As far as I know, we are not, at least not at any significant rate. Therefore, there are tons of Asian guys who ARE making the "cut" dating-wise.

So if you're asian, and you worry about the discrimnation and "stacked" playing field you're fighting against in the dating world, you're only doing yourself a disservice. If we are already so impaired, why hamstring yourself further? Worrying about it and conceptualizing it all day long is only going to hurt your game, your confidence, and your chances with the opposite (or same?) sex.

The same goes for any other trait that is considered a "detriment" to dating. Short people often have trouble dating if they're continually self-aware of their shortness. Ever hear of a napolean complex? It's cuz it draws ATTENTION to itself. No one wants to date someone who's always bitter and afraid people are going to constantly beat on their perceived shortcomings.

The same goes for being an asian male. Discriminated or not, in the actual dating game, it should be irrelevant. All that's going to to is further perpetuate a stereotype of being discriminated against. Nasty cycle, meet repeating itself. Go have fun kids.


good points.

[SunWuKong]

It's a fact that most Asian families would rather give up daughters to other races than sons. It's total bullshit, but I know this from personal experience.

i've never seen this, but if it's your personal experience, i'll take your word for it.

all the Asian parents i've known are one of these three:

1) don't want their sons or daughters to date interracially.

2) don't care if either their sons or daughters date interracially.

3) don't care if their sons or daughters date interracially as long as it's not a "darker" race. whites and other East Asians are ok, but blacks, dark-skinned Southeast Asians and South Asians are no-no.

[yoMAMA]

3) don't care if their sons or daughters date interracially as long as it's not a "darker" race. whites and other East Asians are ok, but blacks, dark-skinned Southeast Asians and South Asians are no-no.

LOL

that's very prevelant in mainland chinese FOB parents.

[SunWuKong]

On my husband's side, I know the exact type of girl his parents wanted him to marry. Probably something like Kasie, but Taiwanese instead. According to my husband, he had a lot of this dating pressure in conjunction with dealing living (as an adolescent and young adult) in an almost all white environment outside of home and stereotypes of Asian guys amongst white girls. But he also fails to take into account that he's a lifelong nerd and few high school or college girls regardless of race are into DnD computer nerds.

hey i was an Asian nerd in high school and college. i have to admit i was rejected a lot but i did manage to get dates and have girlfriends in my junior and senior years in high school.

i hung out with all the nerds and were into all things nerdy. my friends and i even brought our Magic The Gathering cards to school to trade and play. but now that i think back on it, i think it helped that i was also doing a ton of extracurricula activities (because i thought that helped with college applications). i think because of that, i had more chances to interact with girls and was able to date them. but not that i was dating the "popular" girls. they were all either in band or in theater, i think.

[Napoleon Chynamite]

hey i was an Asian nerd in high school and college. i have to admit i was rejected a lot but i did manage to get dates and have girlfriends in my junior and senior years in high school.

i hung out with all the nerds and were into all things nerdy. my friends and i even brought our Magic The Gathering cards to school to trade and play. but now that i think back on it, i think it helped that i was also doing a ton of extracurricula activities (because i thought that helped with college applications). i think because of that, i had more chances to interact with girls and was able to date them. but not that i was dating the "popular" girls. they were all either in band or in theater, i think.

Haha. At least as far as I can remember, the hot popular girls were in band in middle school, but then most of them dropped out of band by high school and the unpopular or not-as-hot ones remained.

[VV o n g B a]

why would you want girls like that in the first place? if you're going for something serious, you'd want girls who are less shallow. if you're just trying to get laid, there're cheaper ways than buying $500 cuff links - just lie. i mean he's halfway there anyway if he's buying cuff links he can't really afford to buy.the problem w/ lying is that it's not cheap to even do that. he said they noticed little details like being able to tell whether a tie was made in italy and how many thousands of dollars that watch u're wearing cost u ...that kinda thing. i'd have to do research before i even knew how to start. just kinda unbelievable to me how shallow these girls are. but so unbelievably shallow they're hella sexy in a way. haha... how shallow does that make me?

[kpih]

I agree that SOME people who complain are losers. But there is also more to it than that…

Again probably people will get up in arms about what I think. But then again it is not new…

Marriage, courtship and sex are not simply a function of romantic love. Historically and sociologically sexual relationships have been more of an exchange of resource (material as well as immaterial) than romance. The exchange could take place between individuals as well as collectives (as in families, clans, villages, and so forth…)

Desirability is culturally specific and therefore socially constructed. In most societies, material resource is the most salient component in high desirability of a sexual mate. In a more complex society, however, desirability takes on a much more multifaceted character.

We are socialized to think of what is desirable is what is not. Sex appeal, like many other perceptions, is socially constructed. As I argued time and again, these images and notions are very subtly and explicitly represented in a variety of medium. For instance if we take a look at the images of Asian males in movies and other forms of entertainment, then it is rather apparent that most portrayals are not sexually desirable.

People buy into these images big time. I think most people here are aware of the discrepancy in interracial couples. So…

Status requires some form of exchange process. Therefore courtship with a socially desirable individual increases a person’s status and capital. At least in their own minds…

Justification then comes pretty easily. Just like intelligent design. (Oops did I just say that?)

Personally, and it is only my opinion as an individual and as a sociologically trained person, any individual who chose a mate or deny a potential mate is a dumbass…

[mrcfo]

I'd say yes to the original question, because as many have stated, Asian girls are more open to non-Asian guys but not vice versa.

To date though, I have to add the that the Asian girls who date outside their race are on the opposite ends of the spectrum. At one end you have the pure fobness, girls who care barely string together a string of English and then you have on the other end, an Asian girl in apperance only, totally or heavily white washed who can barely string together a sentence in their native tongue.

I'd hate to say it, but due to tradition and in general, it's the way us Asian guys were brought up that is the problem. Being on the whole less sociable with exceptions of course than the average White or Black or Green doode, we are somewhat coy and shy about all this. The situation isn't too bad in the West with some of that Western confidence instilled into us in school, but again I think our tradition and customs don't foster that outgoing attitude.

I use to think their was some prejudice against Asian guys but after meeting and working with Whites (I do admit there is a layer of racism though) that it's perhaps fair to say we don't have the guts to approach them than them not really accepting us. I knew a few Asian guys who married White girls (blondes and brunettes) and whilst they were rather fobby, it was more or less their outgoing persona and open attitude towards these things that got them the girl.

Interestingly enough, the "in between girls" those that are rather Westernised but still hold onto some Asian customs/values/traditions to some extent usually end up with Asian girls, there are a few exceptions of course, but generally. I've also asked those either in a AF/WM relationship or married to one and was just curious as to what made them choose WM or whether it was just a natural thing and if the guy happened to be Asian, they'd choose him too (hypthetically I asked it, if her husband was an Asian, would she marry him, all said YES in an instant).

Anyway, some of the common reasons:

* Asian guys in general are less extroverted and lack the outgoing/romatic persona.

* Asian guys on a whole restrict their gfs more according to them. What they yearn for is to still have an active social life after marriage and kids, dinner parties, group holidays with friends etc. Most Asian couples they see seem to have a dead social life after kids, that is, work -> home x 5 x 52.

* Asthetic reasons, you know height, body, more chiseled looks etc. However this was a supplement or rather, "bonus" as opposed to being a single definitive determinant.

* Complaints and fears that Asian guys would end up like their fathers, dominant and opressive and in some cases, abusive.

I don't want to sound pessimistic or gloomy or anything, but the most worrying thing for the average Asian guy is that at the very minimal there is interest amongst nearly ALL asian girls to at least try to date a white guy. With the ones I know there is that little bit of curiosity and envinous of going out with a white guy.

[Paradox]

I'd hate to say it, but due to tradition and in general, it's the way us Asian guys were brought up that is the problem. Being on the whole less sociable with exceptions of course than the average White or Black or Green doode, we are somewhat coy and shy about all this. The situation isn't too bad in the West with some of that Western confidence instilled into us in school, but again I think our tradition and customs don't foster that outgoing attitude.

While this may be true for non western asians by and large I don't see this applying to most asian-americans. We are brought up within western culture with western values. Maybe our parents badger some of us a lot more and are much stricter than caucasian parents but it doesn't mean that we are completely different.

I use to think their was some prejudice against Asian guys but after meeting and working with Whites (I do admit there is a layer of racism though) that it's perhaps fair to say we don't have the guts to approach them than them not really accepting us.

I believe that most white people will accept you on a sociable aquaintence level because it's in their best interest to do so in a workplace. It's fairly easy for someone to spin a lawsuit for workplace discrimination so most know not to piss off the minorities. Most racism is rather two faced these days, you're not going to get many direct confrontations unless it's some drunken idiot driving by yelling slurs at you on a saturday night.

I knew a few Asian guys who married White girls (blondes and brunettes) and whilst they were rather fobby, it was more or less their outgoing persona and open attitude towards these things that got them the girl.

The ones that I know that have married white all had some similar things in common. 1) They were extroverts like you said 2) They had stable unconventional careers.

One of them was a ad executive and spokesman for a small company and the other was a cop. I guess this was rather interesting. Then again I bet their careers allowed them meet a diverse array of people that they wouldn't have met if they were an engineer or IT dude.

I've also asked those either in a AF/WM relationship or married to one and was just curious as to what made them choose WM or whether it was just a natural thing and if the guy happened to be Asian, they'd choose him too (hypthetically I asked it, if her husband was an Asian, would she marry him, all said YES in an instant).

Well my sister is married to a european and I asked her this same question. This was her second marriage she was married to a (non asian american) chinese man previously and had a bad marriage. At this point she already had a kid with her first husband. She noted that available asian-american men in their 30-40's are actually a scarcity in most cases. She rarely met any when socializing and the ones that she met were married already.

Even though my sister married a white guy I trust her judgement in choosing a partner. She's hardly the sort to dive into any guy's arms and the guy she did marry makes a good living and is a pretty decent person. I feel for some older asian-american women whether divorced or not this is often the scenario. They simply don't have THAT many options to go looking far and wide for a suitable asian-american spouse.

How many over 35 Asian male bachelors do you know in this country? I can name only one..my older cousin but he's a reclusive fob from taiwan who is content playing civ III all day when he's not at his mechanical engineering job.

* Asian guys in general are less extroverted and lack the outgoing/romatic persona.

I will agree with this. I believe some of this stems from insecurity too. A lot of asian guys I know are just "businesslike" in their approach to life.

* Asian guys on a whole restrict their gfs more according to them. What they yearn for is to still have an active social life after marriage and kids, dinner parties, group holidays with friends etc. Most Asian couples they see seem to have a dead social life after kids, that is, work -> home x 5 x 52.

It depends on whether they are talking about asians or asian-americans. The asian-american couples I know are pretty active and social.

* Asthetic reasons, you know height, body, more chiseled looks etc. However this was a supplement or rather, "bonus" as opposed to being a single definitive determinant.

I think looking "white" has its own virtue which is to say there is some amount of racial self discrimination from asians going on too.

* Complaints and fears that Asian guys would end up like their fathers, dominant and opressive and in some cases, abusive.

I've heard this before but I don't really buy it..there are lots of women with less than ideal fathers but that doesn't mean they naturally base their spouse decision on this factor by default excluding entire ethnicities.

[kimpossible]

I feel for some older asian-american women whether divorced or not this is often the scenario. They simply don't have THAT many options to go looking far and wide for a suitable asian-american spouse.


I have a few friends in this position. They're either older and divorced with kids or older and unmarried no kids but either way, it's hard for them to meet a quality Asian guy. They prefer Asian men (and mainly Chinese, Japanese or Korean) but have had more luck with white guys. I don't know any that have dated non-white non-Asian which is why I say white guys.

I don't feel sorry for them because the guys they date tend to be okay guys. They're just not Asian.

[yoMAMA]

I have a few friends in this position. They're either older and divorced with kids or older and unmarried no kids but either way, it's hard for them to meet a quality Asian guy. They prefer Asian men (and mainly Chinese, Japanese or Korean) but have had more luck with white guys. I don't know any that have dated non-white non-Asian which is why I say white guys.

I don't feel sorry for them because the guys they date tend to be okay guys. They're just not Asian.

yeah I know a woman like that too.

she lost her husband last year, and now she has a "boyfriend", who's an old white dude (i'd say at least 15 years older than her).

[Napoleon Chynamite]

* Asian guys in general are less extroverted and lack the outgoing/romantic persona.

Whoa, dunno what Asian guys you've been hanging around with. Then again, I'm talking about Asian Americans here and not FOBs, which I don't know as much about...but when it comes to FOBs interacting in a foreign setting (e.g. American environment), it would be natural for them to be less sociable or more cautious about being outgoing. I know I would be if my family moved to a place with a foreign culture and way of life.

Aesthetic reasons, you know height, body, more chiseled looks etc. However this was a supplement or rather, "bonus" as opposed to being a single definitive determinant.

Yea it's pretty much true that Asian people on the whole aren't as tall and this works against men, but I dunno...among my Asian American friends most of them are taller than me and I'm 5'10". Must be the Western diet working toward the younger generations. Regarding chiseled features, I dunno. Depends on personal preference...I've heard that a lot of women go for a combination of chiseled and finer or more baby-faced feminine features in a guy but I have no idea, haha.

I don't want to sound pessimistic or gloomy or anything, but the most worrying thing for the average Asian guy is that at the very minimal there is interest amongst nearly ALL asian girls to at least try to date a white guy. With the ones I know there is that little bit of curiosity and envinous of going out with a white guy.

Again, I'm not sure where people get this idea...but once again, I'm only talking about Asian Americans around here...perhaps it's different with FOBs or other types. If anything I envied my Asian friends dating Asian women because I came from a background where white women was my only option. If I failed to date white women I failed to date period. I think it's basically all about exposure. Asian people who grew up around whites will be more likely to carry this "white envy" mentality and Asian people who grew up around other Asians or Asian Americans will be less likely to have it...and it makes sense. Sure, the American media does its job to influence and instill dominant values into our communities but the immediate environment contributes more to one's preferences than anything else. I was attracted to white women all through school up until the 10th or 12th grades where I became attracted to black and hispanic girls (because there was a shitload of them around me) and then finally Asian women in college (because once again, there's a shitload of them around me). Then I transferred and now it's back to white women, lol.

[tommyhtown]

I just want to chime in a littble bit on the topics. A few years back in my big but not so close circle of friends, we try to hook each other up with dates. My non-asian friends always set me up with Asian girls while my Asian girl friends were being set up with guys of any race, well mainly whites and few Asians. This was happening while there was no discussion between me and them about my preference in dating only Asian women. Heck they saw me hit on women of all races. Perhaps my friends didn't know any non-Asian girls who date Asian guy. However, I think that they have sort of stereotype on Asian men dating preferences.

[SunWuKong]

Haha. At least as far as I can remember, the hot popular girls were in band in middle school, but then most of them dropped out of band by high school and the unpopular or not-as-hot ones remained.

eh. there were at least several "popular" girls at my highschool that i thought were kind of ugly, and i could never figure out why they were "popular".

[SunWuKong]

I have a few friends in this position. They're either older and divorced with kids or older and unmarried no kids but either way, it's hard for them to meet a quality Asian guy. They prefer Asian men (and mainly Chinese, Japanese or Korean) but have had more luck with white guys. I don't know any that have dated non-white non-Asian which is why I say white guys.

I don't feel sorry for them because the guys they date tend to be okay guys. They're just not Asian.

it's not just the Asian women in those situations. i've had more than one white older divorced single mother complain to me about how men their age range only want young girls.

[deez nuts]

Asian guys in general are less extroverted and lack the outgoing/romatic persona.


i agree with this statement somewhat

from personal observation:

1)i've heard more "i should've made a move but i didn't and she slipped through my fingers" type story from asian guys.

2)most asian guys i've encountered tend to worry more about rejection or they take rejection too personally. for example: when i'm out with the guys; i observed that asian guys aren't pro-active compared to the other guys. some just stand there looking pretty hoping a woman will fall on his lap. the ones that do make an attempt, one rejection from a woman i would say a good majority of the time he's down for the count, doesn't recover and doesn't make anymore attempts for the rest of the night.

[pikachupacabra]

2)most asian guys i've encountered tend to worry more about rejection or they take rejection too personally. for example: when i'm out with the guys; i observed that asian guys aren't pro-active compared to the other guys. some just stand there looking pretty hoping a woman will fall on his lap. the ones that do make an attempt, one rejection from a woman i would say a good majority of the time he's down for the count, doesn't recover and doesn't make anymore attempts for the rest of the night.


this is exactly true for a few of my asian male friends. They start off pumped, but if they get rejected in the first or second tries, they turn to their reliable girlfriend, 'ol EtOH

[deez nuts]

this is exactly true for a few of my asian male friends. They start off pumped, but if they get rejected in the first or second tries, they turn to their reliable girlfriend, 'ol EtOH

lol EtOH. you nerd.

[kimpossible]

it's not just the Asian women in those situations. i've had more than one white older divorced single mother complain to me about how men their age range only want young girls.

:confused: yes, i've no doubt older divorced single mothers of all races have problems with men their age wanting younger women. but i was talking about my friends not being able to find a preferable asian mate but have more success with white partners.

not can't find any man. can't find an asian man. point being that it's not always about the so-called sellouts rejecting asian guys.

[deez nuts]

:confused: yes, i've no doubt older divorced single mothers of all races have problems with men their age wanting younger women. but i was talking about my friends not being able to find a preferable asian mate but have more success with white partners.

not can't find any man. can't find an asian man. point being that it's not always about the so-called sellouts rejecting asian guys.


i agree. i too have noticed asian guys are the least forgiving when it comes to choosing a potential spouse if she's divorced and it's basically game over if she has kids.

i'm the same way. i have no qualms about having a fling with a divorced woman or divorced single mother cuz they'll go that extra mile for you and treat you like a king to try and keep you especially a divorced single mother. but, marrying one? no way.

[lethal]

hey i was an Asian nerd in high school and college. i have to admit i was rejected a lot but i did manage to get dates and have girlfriends in my junior and senior years in high school.

i hung out with all the nerds and were into all things nerdy. my friends and i even brought our Magic The Gathering cards to school to trade and play. but now that i think back on it, i think it helped that i was also doing a ton of extracurricula activities (because i thought that helped with college applications). i think because of that, i had more chances to interact with girls and was able to date them. but not that i was dating the "popular" girls. they were all either in band or in theater, i think.

Didn't you play football too?

[Paradox]

i agree. i too have noticed asian guys are the least forgiving when it comes to choosing a potential spouse if she's divorced and it's basically game over if she has kids.

This is true. Most asian guys I know do NOT want to be someone else's baby's daddy. I know in most countries in Asia it's pretty much a social stigma once you've had a kid and you're divorced. There is hardly any man that will marry you after that. A lot of women that you see who post up in the "mail order bride" sites or foreign match.com are of this variety.

[VV o n g B a]

err, there are guys that want to be someone else's baby daddy? wtf? i don't give a crap about the social stigma but ... why the hell would u want to marry a woman w/ some baby u gotta be responsible for? maybe if u were old and her kids were in college or something, but otherwise hell naw.

[SunWuKong]

Didn't you play football too?

yes, but i sucked. :tongue: and i didn't hang out with any of the other guys on the team.

[grimfan]

I just want to chime in a littble bit on the topics. A few years back in my big but not so close circle of friends, we try to hook each other up with dates. My non-asian friends always set me up with Asian girls while my Asian girl friends were being set up with guys of any race, well mainly whites and few Asians. This was happening while there was no discussion between me and them about my preference in dating only Asian women. Heck they saw me hit on women of all races. Perhaps my friends didn't know any non-Asian girls who date Asian guy. However, I think that they have sort of stereotype on Asian men dating preferences.

A lot of my Asian male friends will only date other Asians. I agree that there's this notion that Asian guys will only stick to Asian girls. It may be a self-perpetuating idea, as Asian guys will only see other Asian guys with Asian girls, and think that that's the only proper way to be. Then, the cycle continues.

[pikachupacabra]

Unsurprisingly, this thread has turned into a big old kielbasa party.

[mrcfo]

it's not just the Asian women in those situations. i've had more than one white older divorced single mother complain to me about how men their age range only want young girls.

That's really weird, I've always thought the pressure was on the GUYS to find a wife. Especially Asians, due to the imbalance of boys-girls, this is extra pressure. However, on the White level, it's comprehensible, Australian girls here wine about how all the good men 35+ are taken and due to the imbalance of too many women to too few men here (something like 49:51) there isn't much choice.

Back on the topic, to say the least, I generally think Asian girls tend to Westernised quicker and easier, that is, get accepted into mainstream Western society easier. That, plus the century old age of opression against women in Asia (only recently did polygamy get banned in China and HK and even today it's sort of opaque) many girls fear that marrying the Asian guy would lock her into some hell hole.

There was this Chinese/Vietnamese girl I know who grew up in an abusive household. Her dad was a semi alcoholic, addicted gambler and wife basher, this sort of deterred her from Asian guys even though it seriously doesn't represent all Asian families. Others complained how their parents lived peaceful but boring lives and blamed Asian dads for not being romantic enough.

To be honest if the White guy is a fine doode and treats her and her family well then I don't really have any problems. From experience, I've met a few Caucasians married to Asian women and seriously they seem nice and dare I say it, some even value Asian traditions and customs (semi assimilation). There was a guy who cannot speak a word of Chinese yet he made the effort to help out at his Asian wife's take away store, actively participates in CNY, Mid Autumn festivals and encourages their son to learn Chinese and selects the Chinese customs he wants his son to carry on with.

In another case, there was this family friend who had three daughters, eldest married an Australian the other two to a Chinese and Vietnamese (they were Vietnamese/Chinese). Anyway, of their son in laws, it was ironic that the Australian fella was the one who visited them the most often, taught their kids to appreciate some Chinese customs and was always the first to offer financial and physical help to the elderly couple. Ironically the other two were not as helpful nor did they encourage their kids to even try to learn Chinese.

[Paradox]

In another case, there was this family friend who had three daughters, eldest married an Australian the other two to a Chinese and Vietnamese (they were Vietnamese/Chinese). Anyway, of their son in laws, it was ironic that the Australian fella was the one who visited them the most often, taught their kids to appreciate some Chinese customs and was always the first to offer financial and physical help to the elderly couple. Ironically the other two were not as helpful nor did they encourage their kids to even try to learn Chinese.
I'd say it's a pretty mixed bag in the U.S. I think with the proliferation of asian female stereotypes and porno you have a lot more male predator types (white and non white races) who are just looking to notch their belts. I've heard white guys brag about how easy it is to bag asian women. Some of them are deeply racist too but they've made it a sportfucking competition.

Combine insecurity, self esteem issues, and the belief that anything white is better and you have a lot of exploitation going on. But another question i've always had in the back of my mind is who is to blame if the individual wants it to be that way? I don't know. I just know that quite a few asian americans seem to carry a lot of social baggage and are screwed in the head whether people want to admit it or not.

That's why I really dislike our position in American society. At least blacks and latinos try to dispel the stereotypes, some of us seem to play right into it and enjoy it. Like I said before it's the "house nigger" effect, part of this makes me deeply ashamed to be an asian-american.

[Napoleon Chynamite]

That's why I really dislike our position in American society. At least blacks and latinos try to dispel the stereotypes, some of us seem to play right into it and enjoy it.

I'd say it's no different for blacks or latinos. Especially concerning blacks, there are plenty that play right into stereotypes. Just as there are plenty of Asian people who buy into the model minority myth or the kung fu/dragon lady stereotypes, there are just as many blacks that buy into the stereotypes of black people in Hollywood. How many young black people do you see embracing and idolizing the stereotypical rap star gangbanger, even though such a portrayal is undeniably harmful? Just going from my observations and experiences, I might dare even say that there are even more black people that buy into the whole image society has painted for them (packaged nicely in the media of course) than asian people who buy into their image and desire to be, say...dragon ladies, kung fu masters, or math nerds. This all makes sense, since being nerdy is not socially desirable whereas being tough and street-smart is, so perhaps this can also explain for why it's easier for one to accept the gangster image over the geeky image.

Can one argue that since this type of "gangbanger" image is more "masculine" than the asexual Asian stereotype that somehow this image "isn't as bad"? In turn, I'm sure there are many blacks (although I guess I haven't seen many) that have something to complain about this portrayal, just as there are Asian people that speak out against Asian stereotypes, but you make it seem like Asian people are so much more susceptible to selling out or being "fucked in the head". I'd say it's almost insulting to our intelligence; even as someone as whitewashed as myself never ever had the desire to "play into anything". If you're ashamed to be Asian American you only have yourself to blame for making sweeping generalizations and then in turn associating yourself with these generalizations.

[deez nuts]

Unsurprisingly, this thread has turned into a big old kielbasa party.

well what'd you expect the question was "Are Asian guys really that discriminated against in the dating pool"



That's why I really dislike our position in American society. At least blacks and latinos try to dispel the stereotypes, some of us seem to play right into it and enjoy it. Like I said before it's the "house nigger" effect, part of this makes me deeply ashamed to be an asian-american.

i hear black doctors at my hospital complain constantly about how the role model of black kids and their kids today is some rapper rather than the likes of dr. ben carson.

[hooligan]

I'd say it's a pretty mixed bag in the U.S. I think with the proliferation of asian female stereotypes and porno you have a lot more male predator types (white and non white races) who are just looking to notch their belts. I've heard white guys brag about how easy it is to bag asian women. Some of them are deeply racist too but they've made it a sportfucking competition.

Combine insecurity, self esteem issues, and the belief that anything white is better and you have a lot of exploitation going on. But another question i've always had in the back of my mind is who is to blame if the individual wants it to be that way? I don't know. I just know that quite a few asian americans seem to carry a lot of social baggage and are screwed in the head whether people want to admit it or not.

That's why I really dislike our position in American society. At least blacks and latinos try to dispel the stereotypes, some of us seem to play right into it and enjoy it. Like I said before it's the "house nigger" effect, part of this makes me deeply ashamed to be an asian-american.

re: to stereotypes. I couldn't agree more. For all of you contrasting "gangbangers", I don't think that's quite what Paradox was talking about when he's saying "dispelling" stereotypes. Since, er, gangbangers are a stereotype?

[pikachupacabra]

well what'd you expect the question was "Are Asian guys really that discriminated against in the dating pool"



Well if the question was flipped, we'd probably see lots of guys commenting on it even if it was a question aimed mainly towards the females. Though, this particular question, while relating to males, isn't exclusive to us. Women need to chip in! Asian guys really have no reference point besides ourselves. It requires outside party perspectives to really have any sort of constructive criticism or helpful pointers etc. Or else it just turns into a big ol message board circle jerk.


Dibs on not eating the cracker.

[Arex]

There was this Chinese/Vietnamese girl I know who grew up in an abusive household. Her dad was a semi alcoholic, addicted gambler and wife basher, this sort of deterred her from Asian guys even though it seriously doesn't represent all Asian families.I had a friend who tried to pull this excuse. She said that she had a really dysfunctional relationship with her dad (no mention of abuse, thankfully), and hence didn't want to date guys anything at all like her father (i.e., Japanese). I never did ask her why she attributes her dad's behavior to his race/ethnicity, when there are countless numbers of white women who've probably grown up in similar households who don't hold a negative stereotype of white males.

It's kinda sad when minorities stereotype their own while giving the dominant race the benefit of the doubt, without questioning where those stereotypes come from. I should call her out on being a racist.=)

But to answer the original question, I think, without a doubt, that Asian guys are discriminated against in the dating pool. I think that just comes with being a minority in this country, and I think it's somewhat exacerbated by Asian males' particularly low visibility in mainstream media. Nevertheless, I don't believe it's anything that can't be overcome with a good dose of self confidence. Of course, this is all theoretical since the last time I "went out" with a white girl was in the third grade.

RX

[Paradox]

How many young black people do you see embracing and idolizing the stereotypical rap star gangbanger, even though such a portrayal is undeniably harmful?

There is a difference because being a "gangbanger" is more of a pop culture reference and isn't exclusively a black cultural stereotype. There's a lot of kids of all ethnicities who emulate this. Most audiences of mainstream rap music are in fact white kids. I believe the percentage of white listeners to rap is even higher than blacks these days.

Can one argue that since this type of "gangbanger" image is more "masculine" than the asexual Asian stereotype that somehow this image "isn't as bad"? In turn, I'm sure there are many blacks (although I guess I haven't seen many) that have something to complain about this portrayal, just as there are Asian people that speak out against Asian stereotypes, but you make it seem like Asian people are so much more susceptible to selling out or being "fucked in the head". I'd say it's almost insulting to our intelligence; even as someone as whitewashed as myself never ever had the desire to "play into anything". If you're ashamed to be Asian American you only have yourself to blame for making sweeping generalizations and then in turn associating yourself with these generalizations.
I believe that somewhere along the way asian-americans have mistaken integration as giving in to colonization. Sure there are blacks that follow stereotypes but there are a lot that sit back and say "hold on this is a bunch of bullshit" and educate their children about the racial pitfalls that are built into this society. There are plenty of black novelists, activists, and political actions in the past that have given them a clear defined voice. Even Latinos had their chicano pride movement in the 70's and continue to develop a unique identity.

What have asian-americans had? We have a few people who note the problems but get shot down by those that want to continue the status quo. Our solution to the problem seems to be that if we marry whites and emulate them our problems will go away. :rolleyes: It's as if we expect approval from white people first before we can continue. It's lame and in the long run it's self defeating for every asian-american.

Asian-americans seem to go along with the program more often than not even with the program is seen as blatantly prejudiced against us. We aren't even at the stage of being passive-aggressive we are just plain passive-defeatist. I see this so many times in the attitudes of our community, apathy reigns supreme. We're intoxicated with our own self delusional "economic" success and desire to emulate those that do us the most harm. In the end we take it so far that we discriminate against each other because that's what they do to us. The oppresser is emulated by the oppressed.

There are reasons why other minority communities look at us with a certain amount of distrust and derisiveness. We are seen as a middle ground between minority and white. People that want to be white so bad that we emulate and destroy ourselves to obtain that goal. A generation of men and women born with self loathing. In every society when there was a "middle race" or "house nigger" there have been the same types of friction. In colonial haiti, the french used mulatto (half white/half black) supervisors to lord over the black subjects. This split the community up and created a barrier for white people. We occupy a similar role in this society, it's pathetic.

You say i'm overgeneralizing and insulting your intelligence. Well just look around you. There's plenty of anecdotal evidence that proves my point.

[kimpossible]

If you guys are in Asia is it any easier, more difficult or the same in flirting, dating? Is it weird for you due to cultural differences (in socializing) or language? Even if you're bilingual there's still nuances to flirting and managing pick up lines.

[SunWuKong]

If you guys are in Asia is it any easier, more difficult or the same in flirting, dating? Is it weird for you due to cultural differences (in socializing) or language? Even if you're bilingual there's still nuances to flirting and managing pick up lines.

it was easier for me but i think that was because of my American passport and my fluent English. some girls really go for that.

[Napoleon Chynamite]

re: to stereotypes. I couldn't agree more. For all of you contrasting "gangbangers", I don't think that's quite what Paradox was talking about when he's saying "dispelling" stereotypes. Since, er, gangbangers are a stereotype?

I don't understand what you're trying to say...:confused: Yes, I know gangbangers are a stereotype, it's a stereotype that young black men are just as vulnerable to playing into as are say...asian women in playing up the exotic submissive oversexed stereotype in society. My point was simply that it's not like some chronic exception that plagues Asian people or makes us any more likely to buy into what the power structure deals us.

[Napoleon Chynamite]

There is a difference because being a "gangbanger" is more of a pop culture reference and isn't exclusively a black cultural stereotype. There's a lot of kids of all ethnicities who emulate this. Most audiences of mainstream rap music are in fact white kids. I believe the percentage of white listeners to rap is even higher than blacks these days.

And the exotic submissive hypersexual asian woman isn't a pop culture reference that may appeal to asian women seeking to be accepted as significant, worthy, or attractive in today's society? And I would definitely disagree to the percentage of white rap listeners being higher than the percentage of black rap listeners. There MIGHT be larger number of total white kids that listen to rap overall and thus contribute a gigantic portion of album sales to the industry, but that's simply because there's a lot more white people in general.

[Paradox]

If you guys are in Asia is it any easier, more difficult or the same in flirting, dating?

From my own personal experiences I feel it's significantly easier to meet and socialize with women in a normal setting. There is no social baggage in a place like Thailand if you're an asian man. I don't flaunt economic status or the fact that i'm from the U.S. either. Most women assume i'm from some place like Singapore or Malaysia (or in some cases Japan) when they first meet me and it's still cool.

Is it weird for you due to cultural differences (in socializing) or language? Even if you're bilingual there's still nuances to flirting and managing pick up lines.
Usually the women from universities or the ones you meet just treat you as you are instead of some abstract notions or stereotypes like it is in the U.S. There are definitely language nuances to flirting and my thai sucks but a lot of university level people know some english. Now once you patch in my broken thai with their limited english communication isn't that hard, heh.

When I visited my thai-american friend who has lived there for 5 years (since 2000) he made the same observations. Thailand is different from a lot of other asian nations. It's a mixture of conservative southeast asian traditions and
very liberal attitudes.

[miksong]

I personally just dont buy it. Granted I think it helps if you live in a metropolitan city where Asians are fairly common. However, i think there are tons of non-asian girls there that think Asian guys are good looking. Most of them say that Asian guys just dont seem to be interested in them versus Asian girls.

crayonpeople.com

[mrcfo]

If you guys are in Asia is it any easier, more difficult or the same in flirting, dating? Is it weird for you due to cultural differences (in socializing) or language? Even if you're bilingual there's still nuances to flirting and managing pick up lines.

I can't speak for Japan or Korea but hell, those two countries are whitewhoreshippers anyway. From what I see in China, Vietnam and perhaps applicable too to other South East Asian countries is how much easier it is to get women.

There is a plethora of reasons, but in general I just think it's because of the great inequities still present in Asia and to be honest, the average wage earner in the West is still regarded as some sort of millionaire in Asia. Added to that is the Westernisation, whilst we can be hopeless back in the West, even the hopeless of romantics just seems that much more extroverted than your average Asian guy back in Asia.

At the very least, I suppose we are accustomed to sharing the housework, looking after the kids and doing things on a fair/equal basis, I think many of the girls in Asia still having suffered from sexism appreciated this.

Whilst I struggle to find dates in Australia, when I was back in Vietnam, there were all these family friends or my mother's friend's daughters there that just kept on asking me out. Oh yeah, another thing is that I'm certainly taller than the majority of guys there at 5'11" (181cm) but hmm, call me picky but the girls there just didn't seem "right" to me.

[AliBabaIncorporated]

There are reasons why other minority communities look at us with a certain amount of distrust and derisiveness. We are seen as a middle ground between minority and white. People that want to be white so bad that we emulate and destroy ourselves to obtain that goal. A generation of men and women born with self loathing. In every society when there was a "middle race" or "house nigger" there have been the same types of friction.
And you're calling this one our problem? If some people have an ignorant, stereotypical image of Asian Americans, we should automatically change our behaviour and thinking to avoid falling into or confirming their idiotic stereotypes? I wouldn't do that for white morons; why should I do that for blacks morons or Latino morons? That's called selling out your community and your values; only thing that's different is who's buying.

it was easier for me but i think that was because of my American passport and my fluent English. some girls really go for that.
ABCs or returnees who left when they're young and can't speak Cantonese fluently have something of a different experience, as I'm sure you observed.

[Paradox]

And you're calling this one our problem? If some people have an ignorant, stereotypical image of Asian Americans, we should automatically change our behaviour and thinking to avoid falling into or confirming their idiotic stereotypes?

I'm not saying that blatantly racist nonsense stereotypes coming from the mouths of equally racist blacks or latinos are true but I feel they are right on the money about some issues. The idea that Asian-americans feel the need to emulate and defer to being white is part of that. Unfortunately, I think there is an element of truth behind this claim.

[nola]

Well if the question was flipped, we'd probably see lots of guys commenting on it even if it was a question aimed mainly towards the females. Though, this particular question, while relating to males, isn't exclusive to us. Women need to chip in! Asian guys really have no reference point besides ourselves. It requires outside party perspectives to really have any sort of constructive criticism or helpful pointers etc. Or else it just turns into a big ol message board circle jerk.Yeah if we really want solutions to these problems we need to listen to women too. There were only 7 posts by women in this thread and 73 posts by men. Napolean Chynamite had the most at 12 followed by Paradox at 10.
Kimpossible's post was mostly ignored but is worth rereading:As someone from a family of AF/WM, I can tell you that I heard more than once that Asian men were too much trouble to marry. More from my grandmother (Japanese from Japan) than my mother (half-Japanese and kinda 1.5er). When I was getting serious with my then boyfriend-now husband, my grandmother actively discouraged me from a relationship with him, urging me to find an "American" guy.

Her reasons were multiple. I think the primary one was that as the eldest son, she thought I wouldn't be able to cut it with the in-laws because I was too American. But there was also some sentiment about Asian guys making shitty, wifebeating husbands and it didn't help that she hated Chinese, along with about every other Asian group outside of maybe Koreans. But maybe she hated Koreans too. Who knows. Who cares.

On my husband's side, I know the exact type of girl his parents wanted him to marry. Probably something like Kasie, but Taiwanese instead. According to my husband, he had a lot of this dating pressure in conjunction with dealing living (as an adolescent and young adult) in an almost all white environment outside of home and stereotypes of Asian guys amongst white girls. But he also fails to take into account that he's a lifelong nerd and few high school or college girls regardless of race are into DnD computer nerds.

Even if he did have more chances to date casually, he still wouldn't have taken many of them seriously unless they were at least partially Asian (not just racially but culturally) because of his personal standards.

Another odd reaction we've received is from my father. It's only one person so I don't know if you can reach any conclusions about white males married to Asian females but after receiving a copy of our wedding album he did remark to me that it was really weird for him to see me with an Asian guy - he always pictured me married to an "American." Now why he thought it he was more naturally compatible with an Asian than me was probably based on WM/AF stereotypes. My grandfather has never said anything. But he has more (half-Asian but some look full) sons than daughters and they all married white so I don't think he processed it as different than norm.

I think modern American society definitely does stack the cards against Asian guys dating "out" more based on perceptions of them, but there are also other factors in play such as family demands/requests and personal standards for more serious relationships. I don't think you can point the finger at only the nerdy foreigner stereotype.

[Paradox]

Yeah if we really want solutions to these problems we need to listen to women too. There were only 7 posts by women in this thread and 73 posts by men. Napolean Chynamite had the most at 12 followed by Paradox at 10.
Kimpossible's post was mostly ignored but is worth rereading:
Just curious Nola but why do you do this in every thread? I don't think anyone ignored Kimpossible either. I see responses to her posts.

[Napoleon Chynamite]

I'm sorry if any of my posts prevented or discouraged women from posting (or implied that women's opinions were not needed, respected, or important).....

[Azn Retribution]

Don't we have a thread on this like every other week?

[kimpossible]

Just curious Nola but why do you do this in every thread? I don't think anyone ignored Kimpossible either. I see responses to her posts.


oh. well i certainly didn't mean to take attention away from the guys. i just wanted to share info, POVs.

[kimpossible]

Don't we have a thread on this like every other week?


I think this one was a much more mature, open and casual discussion and stayed far away from blaming Asian women. It was more of a Men's forum discussion. IMHO.

[deez nuts]

err, there are guys that want to be someone else's baby daddy? wtf? i don't give a crap about the social stigma but ... why the hell would u want to marry a woman w/ some baby u gotta be responsible for? maybe if u were old and her kids were in college or something, but otherwise hell naw.

the only condition i would do it if she was rich. my first priority would be to impregnate her so that on my side of the bloodline will also get a piece of the wealth pie.

[BBChinese]

I beg to differ. I am Chinese by ethnic born in UK, but I have never had difficultly with women. I am no Brad Pitt that I am aware off, I am somewhat taller than the average Asian man at 5 foot 11 but at the end of the day its personality that counts.

Also of Asian men, in particular Chinese & Japanese men are somewhat quiet when mixed with Causasians and no woman wants a shy man. Women (to my understanding and I apologise if I am wrong) like to show off their boyfriends and hence a outspoken man always does it.

I am 27 yrs now and I have dated several english women, Japanese and a pakistani girl (almost got married actually). Now I'm engaged and settled with a Kyrgyz girl who is also half Uzbeck.

Like I said I am no Brad Pitt or Pierce Brosnan, its personality whcih sells best at the end of the day. So to you younger Asian/Oriental men, speak up, have something to say, believe in something and yourself and women will love you.

Apologies for being an agony aunt here.

[kasia]

moving to men's.

[BeTheReds]

I'd say yes, but not to the extent that some people complain about.

[ahsingjai]

I'd say, if you are confident and socially active, then you shouldn't have a problem. I mean there are racial barriers where people won't cross and thats same for any race. I know there are latinoes that want to date exclusively latinos and thats that same for asians as well.

maybe it's the bay area, more liberal, more understanding, more accepting then other places I guess.

[jdmdrift]

im hapa and i only date asians, not because i think theres anything wrong with dating anyone else, its just a comfort factor.

[Gunz]

Any Asian guy shorter than 5'5in, funky haircut, heavy accent, not-so-financially-established, geeky glasses, and possessing weak social skills will be challenged in a white society.

Asian guys about 5'8in and taller, well-groomed, excellent English, cleanly-dressed (not necessarily stylish), university educated or in excellent standing financially with a solid business, contact-lens-wearing, good-dental-work, and solid social skills can blend in better.

White or Asian girls seem to migrate toward the latter.

Also, it seems the taller, more round-eyed, lighter-skinned Asian males fare better than the shorter, darker, more narrow-eyed Asian males.

In the end, it all boils down to individual chemistry, personality, the right moment of contact, and great humor for men and women to make that bond. At that point, the color, the size, the shape, the race, all seem to magically transform into a mutual attraction which sees past anything else. At that point, what the rest of the world sees, judges, compares means nothing to the 2 people who are so happy with one another. Cherish the Love you Receive in Life.

[AliBabaIncorporated]

At that point, what the rest of the world sees, judges, compares means nothing to the 2 people who are so happy with one another.
the obvious question being whether most random 2 people are really happy with each other, or whether they're just settling.

[returntosender]

Any Asian guy shorter than 5'5in, funky haircut, heavy accent, not-so-financially-established, geeky glasses, and possessing weak social skills will be challenged in a white society.

Asian guys about 5'8in and taller, well-groomed, excellent English, cleanly-dressed (not necessarily stylish), university educated or in excellent standing financially with a solid business, contact-lens-wearing, good-dental-work, and solid social skills can blend in better.

White or Asian girls seem to migrate toward the latter.

Also, it seems the taller, more round-eyed, lighter-skinned Asian males fare better than the shorter, darker, more narrow-eyed Asian males.

In the end, it all boils down to individual chemistry, personality, the right moment of contact, and great humor for men and women to make that bond. At that point, the color, the size, the shape, the race, all seem to magically transform into a mutual attraction which sees past anything else. At that point, what the rest of the world sees, judges, compares means nothing to the 2 people who are so happy with one another. Cherish the Love you Receive in Life.

Sounds great in theory. IN theory.

[Aurutus]

From my experience, I found that being an Asian man doesn't really need looks. Intelligence, money and confidence can get you any girls you want. Of course, have to nice and gentle to them. I saw the most young and beautiful woman married an old asian man.

One thing girls like the most... is money.
There is this slogan that my HK friend chanted :
"With money, you get girls." They can't resist you when you shower them with gifts.

[Fireblade]

Well in the bay area, not really. In fact, I'm seeing more and more asian man, white female combos as of late. And they're attractive looking couples too.

[Deadpool]

From my experience, I found that being an Asian man doesn't really need looks. Intelligence, money and confidence can get you any girls you want. Of course, have to nice and gentle to them. I saw the most young and beautiful woman married an old asian man.

One thing girls like the most... is money.
There is this slogan that my HK friend chanted :
"With money, you get girls." They can't resist you when you shower them with gifts.

If you have game you don't need money.
My buddy(yes hes Asian) has a shitty job, shitty apartment, no car and fugly as fuck but he goes through women like kleenex. I have another friend that still llives with his parents and get a lot of ass.
Just work on your confidence.
Kinda disheartening to see all this negativity.
I but I don't blame your guys though.
Ive heard the complete opposite from some of my Asian friends: "Man its good being an Asian guy. This is like our own private garden."

[Napoleon Chynamite]

If you have game you don't need money.
My buddy(yes hes Asian) has a shitty job, shitty apartment, no car and fugly as fuck but he goes through women like kleenex. I have another friend that still llives with his parents and get a lot of ass.
Just work on your confidence.
Kinda disheartening to see all this negativity.
I but I don't blame your guys though.
Ive heard the complete opposite from some of my Asian friends: "Man its good being an Asian guy. This is like our own private garden."

That's hella cold to be calling your boy fugly.

[Deadpool]

yeah we're pretty mean to eachother. WE constantly rip on eachother. THats our thing I guess. *shrug*

[Napoleon Chynamite]

Any Asian guy shorter than 5'5in, funky haircut, heavy accent, not-so-financially-established, geeky glasses, and possessing weak social skills will be challenged in a white society.

Asian guys about 5'8in and taller, well-groomed, excellent English, cleanly-dressed (not necessarily stylish), university educated or in excellent standing financially with a solid business, contact-lens-wearing, good-dental-work, and solid social skills can blend in better.

White or Asian girls seem to migrate toward the latter.

Also, it seems the taller, more round-eyed, lighter-skinned Asian males fare better than the shorter, darker, more narrow-eyed Asian males.

Doesn't this pretty much apply to all guys Asian or not? Usually the short geeky ones with no social skills, no money, no sense of style, etc. will always be at a disadvantage. And while the following may actually work against me, I dunno about this whole rounder-eyed lighter-skinned thing...pasty guys aren't exactly the desired norm here judging from all the bronzed frat boys with hot chicks walking around campus, and there doesn't seem to be any correlation with the eye thing since most light-skinned Asians have smaller eyes than darker-skinned (i.e. SE Asian) Asians anyway.

[Azn Retribution]

Doesn't this pretty much apply to all guys Asian or not? Usually the short geeky ones with no social skills, no money, no sense of style, etc. will always be at a disadvantage. And while the following may actually work against me, I dunno about this whole rounder-eyed lighter-skinned thing...pasty guys aren't exactly the desired norm here judging from all the bronzed frat boys with hot chicks walking around campus, and there doesn't seem to be any correlation with the eye thing since most light-skinned Asians have smaller eyes than darker-skinned (i.e. SE Asian) Asians anyway.

missing the point you are.

Exceptional Personality, Confidence, Humor and the way you hold yourself overcomes all aesthetic/ethnic/nationalistic/cultural/materialistic differences.

That's hella cold to be calling your boy fugly.

Truth ain't always pretty.
I have a friend along the same lines.
he's not attractive aesthetically compared to other guys.
fugly would just be a rather blunt way of putting it.
he's like 5'7". 105lb.
but he pulls so much game its unbelievable.
not just asian either, he gets white, hispanic, black
without even trying.
and they are pretty cute by my standards (which are somewhat high)

He's the "life of the party" type, really likeable guy. it'd be really hard to "hate" him.

to put it in another perspective.

I'm sure there's always a girl that's caught your eye because of the way she is/talks/acts. She's not really cute(especially compared to the girls you normally go for) but its who she is and how she is that attracts you.

[Napoleon Chynamite]

missing the point you are.

Exceptional Personality, Confidence, Humor and the way you hold yourself overcomes all aesthetic/ethnic/nationalistic/cultural/materialistic differences.

How so? I was just saying that those standards such as good looks, confidence, humor, money, whatever, do not just work in the favor of Azn doods, seeing as how in Gunz' post it might have been interpreted to say that those requirements or standards were only those that applied to Asian men or whatever. And btw he never said that aesthetic differences don't matter, hence the focus on skin tone/color, eyes, hairstyle and clothing, etc.

[Azn Retribution]

How so? I was just saying that those standards such as good looks, confidence, humor, money, whatever, do not just work in the favor of Azn doods.

Just because you say it doesn't make it accurate or a valid assertion.
We've just established that there are many cases in which your assertion is completely invalid.
Additionally we've put forth evidence that supports that this isn't a issue limited to "asian guys".
Now if you wanted to make your statement valid, you'd have to put some bounds on your argument.
ie.
"In my experience, good looks, confidence, humor, money, whatever, do not work in the favor of asian guys like me."

now we would have to deconstruct the argument from there with additional details provided by you. such as your experience, what makes you think that in particular.

but asides from the technicality of the argument itself

It's pretty clear that you already have a negative defeatist attitude about yourself because your "asian".

In truth blaming factors like ethnicity/nationality is just denial.
Something to put the blame on and find other people who sympathize/empathize with you and then convince/rationalize yourself into thinking its the real reason.

Instead of finding out that the real problem is your perception of yourself.

Your basing it on what you think how other people see you, rather than how you see yourself and how you know yourself to be. Who cares about everyone else? fuck em.
You think guys who pull tons of girls got there without tons of rejections?
Victories are always more noticeable than the defeats.
yet you always learn more from failure than you do from success.


anyway.
It all sounds rather trite. but it's funny how the most complex things are ridiculously simple in the end and yet you need to be beaten above the head about a million times with it before it finally goes in (I'm no exception).

How so? I was just saying that those standards such as good looks, confidence, humor, money, whatever, do not just work in the favor of Azn doods, seeing as how in Gunz' post it might have been interpreted to say that those requirements or standards were only those that applied to Asian men or whatever. And btw he never said that aesthetic differences don't matter, hence the focus on skin tone/color, eyes, hairstyle and clothing, etc.

I never said they don't matter.
I said that personality/confidence can overcome their deficiencies.
They matter to an extent of course.
and people who are confident/etc are usually well put-together, have their priorities in order and that includes being able to do basic hygiene and fashion to a certain extent.

but they aren't.. substantial.
can't get through a relationship or a date on appearance alone.
and yet alot of guys tend to place so much of their self-worth on their appearance and sensitivity towards how others perceive em.
kinda ironic.

[Napoleon Chynamite]

Uh what? I'm not sure you read my post correctly.........lol

Just because you say it doesn't make it accurate or a valid assertion.

This is what I said:

How so? I was just saying that those standards such as good looks, confidence, humor, money, whatever, do not just work in the favor of Azn doods.

Translated another way, it means that these traits also help out white guys, black guys, hispanic guys, turkish mongolian guys, swahili-scottish mixes, whatever.

I'm not sure what you're talking about me attributing whatever negativity to my Asian'ness, that came straight out of left field so basically I have no idea what you're talking about or when this even came up in the discussion. And you're basically just echoing my sentiments when you say that good looks, style, confidence, good game, whatever, are the primary factors for a guy in the dating scene regardless of race or ethnicity.

[Azn Retribution]

Uh what? I'm not sure you read my post correctly.........lol



This is what I said:



Translated another way, it means that these traits also help out white guys, black guys, hispanic guys, turkish mongolian guys, swahili-scottish mixes, whatever.

I'm not sure what you're talking about me attributing whatever negativity to my Asian'ness, that came straight out of left field so basically I have no idea what you're talking about or when this even came up in the discussion. And you're basically just echoing my sentiments when you say that good looks, style, confidence, good game, whatever, are the primary factors for a guy in the dating scene regardless of race or ethnicity.


I must have gotten you confused with another guy as I've been speed reading the posts a little bit.

but it sounded like
you were on the whole self-denigrating bit when you said they don't work for azn dudes.

either way.

my bad.

I'll get off the soapbox now

[Napoleon Chynamite]

^ No they do work for azn dudes. And everyone else too! That was my point, haha. I was basically saying "what's the point of saying that confident good looking and charismatic asian men have it easier than ugly moneyless geeky ones", because it's like no shit, that's the way it is with all guys. Anyway it's been fun. And trust me I'm the last one to tolerate any type of excessive and nonproductive bitching from other Asian men on this matter. If I can fare well, anyone can.

[RacerX]

yay, lets hold hands and sing koombahyah! j/k guys.:biggrin:

my 2 cents: I agree that in the end it all comes down to your confidence. Whether you get shot down by a white, black, yellow, green or purple chick, it all happens sooner or later so move on. In the end its the winners that go home and fuck the prom queen, so live life big and hard and lets fuck as many prom queens as we can! Can I get an AMEN?!?!

[Napoleon Chynamite]

^ I wanna know what it's like to land a purple chick.

[Azn Retribution]

Can I get an AMEN?!?!

awomen.

you can have the men.

I'll the take the women.

:biggrin:

[RacerX]

^ I wanna know what it's like to land a purple chick.

they are grape flavored

[ahsingjai]

^ I wanna know what it's like to land a purple chick.

...purple... sounds like a chick that smokes too much weed.

[kimpossible]

^ I wanna know what it's like to land a purple chick.


Lividity has already settled in. You flip her over onto the non-purple side.

[Deadpool]

^ I wanna know what it's like to land a purple chick.

Not hard to land one. Just give their necks a llittle squeeze.

[sandiegojohnny]

ok for one i'm asian i've dated all colors mex,white and a few other races.
When i go out of my race . people call me a banana Man wtf so i'm in a Lose , lose situtation date my people then i'm shallow i date other race then i'm a banana man .. please give me some feedback thank you.

[Craig]

ok for one i'm asian i've dated all colors mex,white and a few other races.
When i go out of my race . people call me a banana Man wtf so i'm in a Lose , lose situtation date my people then i'm shallow i date other race then i'm a banana man .. please give me some feedback thank you.Get out of California, there are other places where people aren't so self-righteously hypocritical and in your face about race.

[sandiegojohnny]

Cali weather is to nice you have to take the bad with the good