teenage pregnancies

[kasia]

what do you think you would do if you got pregnant now? would your parents be supportive? would you try to marry the father of your child? is abortion a consideration? is it the *only* consideration? would you be willing to have the baby and put it up for adoption?

also, i've read/heard cases about girls who don't realize their preganant until they're in their third trimester. usu. these are girls that don't have regular periods, etc. then there are other girls who do discover that they're pregnant but are too afraid to speak up. these girls just wear baggy clothing for months hoping that it would "go away".

did you know that in most states (or every?), there are safe haven laws that allow you to leave your baby at the hospital or police station--no questions asked!!! this beats putting your baby in the dumpster, throwing it in the ocean, etc., which apparently has become a huge problem (at least in CA)...

what are your thoughts on this?

[angel nympho]

I wish I'd known about this a few years ago...

I think the laws are great, as uncaring as it may seem. Sometimes the most caring thing you can do for a child is give them up.

[tapestrybabe]

yeah,
we got those same safe haven laws here in New Jersey also... their motto is something like... NO name, No shame, No blame...

and yeah i agree with angel how giving up your child can be seen as the best thing you can do sometimes... i mean, ppl give up their child in order so they can have a better life... but i think its kinda sad that women are put in this type of situation.. where they feel that ashamed of their pregnacy... to the point that they have no family and friends to turn to for support...

[karizma]

>> if i got pregnant at this stage in my life there is no doubt in my mind thatd id have an abortion. id think my relatives would be rather ashamed of me, i wouldnt want them to have the burden of taking care of me AND my child. as for having the baby and giving it up for adoption...that would screw up my life more than it already is...i would have no time to waste on caring for my pregnant self.

>> i can understand how some girls can just hide it for months just hoping it would go away...i had a little taste of the anxiety and fear when i thought i was pregnant for a while. it scared me shitless and everywhere i looked iwas reminded of the fact that shit i may have another life growing inside of me and theres absolutely no way i could ever take care of it. i just wanted to crawl in a hole and pretend i never did the deed...

>> i think those safe haven laws are great...id rather see babies abandoned in hospitals rather than in a dumpster because at least at a hospital theyve got a chance to live a normal life instead of just perishing in a trash can.

>> there are a lot of people incapable of rearing children that have babies and keep them...id seriously rather see them given up for adoption...who needs another fuckup on the streets more likely to follow in their mother or father's footsteps...

>> i knew this chick at my old hs who had like 3 abortions...youd think the idiot would learn after the first one and get on the pill...but noooo...and she goes up to my friend and says in a cheery voice "you wanna feel my baby?"...i wanted to slap that bitch for making abortions seem like nothing more than getting a tooth pulled or something

[deez nuts]

Originally posted by kasia@Nov 3 2002, 09:29 PM


did you know that in most states (or every?), there are safe haven laws that allow you to leave your baby at the hospital or police station--no questions asked!!!

yes I know many stories of mom's leaving their newborns in the maternity ward at the hospital. Better than dumping the newborn somewhere else. And no questions are asked, period.

[ChinaLama]

ok, I know men are gonna laugh at me over this...

but i just read about these safe haven laws in Reader's Digest.

*runs away in shame. peeks around....safe to come out again.*

Anyway, my take is, I'd rather that people give birth than have abortions (i have personally always leaned toward being pro-life, although i'm not that committed, so I'm not totally against ppl having abortions), then after birth: adoption, if all else fails, then leaving a baby at a safe haven.

[kasia]

Originally posted by ChinaLama@Nov 4 2002, 04:09 PM
ok, I know men are gonna laugh at me over this...

but i just read about these safe haven laws in Reader's Digest.

*runs away in shame. peeks around....safe to come out again.*

Anyway, my take is, I'd rather that people give birth than have abortions (i have personally always leaned toward being pro-life, although i'm not that committed, so I'm not totally against ppl having abortions), then after birth: adoption, if all else fails, then leaving a baby at a safe haven.
hehe. okay, i'll admit it. me too. that was one touching story.

[Arex]

I think these safe haven laws are a good idea too to the extent that they keep kids who're brought to term from being abandoned in dumpsters, the ocean or garbage chutes. But to the extent that such laws dissuade people who ordinarily would have obtained legal abortions from doing so, I think they're not so good since the system is already overloaded with unwanted children. I don't know how often this would be the case, however.

Alex

[amietron]

I think they're not so good since the system is already overloaded with unwanted children. if the parents don't want the kid and the government doesn't want the kid, who is gonna want the kid? sure you can speculate, "what if" this and that, but think of how much of your tax dollars is going towards putting up these "unwanted children." then again, think of how fucked up a kid could turn out with way incompetent parents. which is better? a way miserable kid who has a fucked up life, or no kid at all?

if i got pregnant, like karizma said, there's no doubt in my mind that i'd get an abortion. there's no way in hell that i'm gonna have a kid. there's too much in my near future ahead of me to look forward to before kids come into the picture. actually, if i really cared and loved the father, i might consider marrying the guy and having the kid, but i'd only have the kid if we married.

if you're gonna throw your baby away in the dumpster or into the ocean, then why go through with the pregnancy in the first place? it's dumb.

[ChinaLama]

Originally posted by karizma@Nov 4 2002, 07:55 AM


>> i knew this chick at my old hs who had like 3 abortions...youd think the idiot would learn after the first one and get on the pill...but noooo...and she goes up to my friend and says in a cheery voice "you wanna feel my baby?"...i wanted to slap that bitch for making abortions seem like nothing more than getting a tooth pulled or something
I don't wanna be overcritical of someone who's gone through 3 teenage pregnancies, but...It's pretty cold for her to abort AND acknowledge the fetus as a "baby." I mean it's one thing if someone really believes she's just getting rid of tissue mass or it's her body and she can do whatever she wants w/ it, but if she even BELIEVES it's a baby, that's like saying she's ok with killing human beings. But I don't wanna get on a soapbox and judge her; she probably had a very difficult time deciding to abort.

[Arex]

Originally posted by ChinaLama@Nov 4 2002, 01:55 PM
Originally posted by karizma@Nov 4 2002, 07:55 AM


>> i knew this chick at my old hs who had like 3 abortions...youd think the idiot would learn after the first one and get on the pill...but noooo...and she goes up to my friend and says in a cheery voice "you wanna feel my baby?"...i wanted to slap that bitch for making abortions seem like nothing more than getting a tooth pulled or something
I don't wanna be overcritical of someone who's gone through 3 teenage pregnancies, but...It's pretty cold for her to abort AND acknowledge the fetus as a "baby." I mean it's one thing if someone really believes she's just getting rid of tissue mass or it's her body and she can do whatever she wants w/ it, but if she even BELIEVES it's a baby, that's like saying she's ok with killing human beings. But I don't wanna get on a soapbox and judge her; she probably had a very difficult time deciding to abort.
Ain't nothing wrong with judging. Sure, people make mistakes...but we're supposed to learn from our mistakes. I was freaked out enough the first time my ex was a week late on her period (false alarm...damn those irregular menstrual cycles). I can only imagine how much more cautious we would be if we'd ever managed to get her pregnant and she had to go through an abortion...

Alex

[mydnyht]

Well, seeing as I'm still a virgin and my boyfriend knows I'm planning on staying as such until I'm married, I doubt I'll be pregnant anytime soon... in the event of a rape where I was impregnanted, my mom would be supportive, cuz I'd never get an abortion. If it was something I did by choice, at this age, well... I don't know... if I was raped, I *obviously* wouldn't try and marry the father; but being under 18, I don't know if I could in the first place... I wouldn't want to do something stupid like that and then end up having a divorce... as Jasmine once said, "If I do marry... I want it to be for love." Giving the baby up for adoption is prolly what everyone would want me to do, and at my age, it's most likely the best thing, but I don't know if I could... no matter what age I am, I'll have a bond to that baby. I am a mother... and I couldn't give up *my child* that easily. Heck, I don't know if I could give up my child period.

[angel nympho]

Originally posted by Arex@Nov 4 2002, 09:22 PM
Originally posted by ChinaLama@Nov 4 2002, 01:55 PM
Originally posted by karizma@Nov 4 2002, 07:55 AM


>> i knew this chick at my old hs who had like 3 abortions...youd think the idiot would learn after the first one and get on the pill...but noooo...and she goes up to my friend and says in a cheery voice "you wanna feel my baby?"...i wanted to slap that bitch for making abortions seem like nothing more than getting a tooth pulled or something
I don't wanna be overcritical of someone who's gone through 3 teenage pregnancies, but...It's pretty cold for her to abort AND acknowledge the fetus as a "baby." I mean it's one thing if someone really believes she's just getting rid of tissue mass or it's her body and she can do whatever she wants w/ it, but if she even BELIEVES it's a baby, that's like saying she's ok with killing human beings. But I don't wanna get on a soapbox and judge her; she probably had a very difficult time deciding to abort.
Ain't nothing wrong with judging. Sure, people make mistakes...but we're supposed to learn from our mistakes. I was freaked out enough the first time my ex was a week late on her period (false alarm...damn those irregular menstrual cycles). I can only imagine how much more cautious we would be if we'd ever managed to get her pregnant and she had to go through an abortion...

Alex
Yeah, man, I can understand one... 'cuz I've been there and I know the feeling and, trust me, that is the hardest decision you'll ever make. But 3?!? What the fuck is wrong with this girl??? I don't give a FUCK, I don't usually judge people, but this girl's got ISSUES if she's running around asking if you wanna "feel her baby" before she kills it. Disgusting.

[Uncle Tat]

Originally posted by ChinaLama@Nov 4 2002, 03:55 PM
Originally posted by karizma@Nov 4 2002, 07:55 AM


>> i knew this chick at my old hs who had like 3 abortions...youd think the idiot would learn after the first one and get on the pill...but noooo...and she goes up to my friend and says in a cheery voice "you wanna feel my baby?"...i wanted to slap that bitch for making abortions seem like nothing more than getting a tooth pulled or something
I don't wanna be overcritical of someone who's gone through 3 teenage pregnancies, but...It's pretty cold for her to abort AND acknowledge the fetus as a "baby." I mean it's one thing if someone really believes she's just getting rid of tissue mass or it's her body and she can do whatever she wants w/ it, but if she even BELIEVES it's a baby, that's like saying she's ok with killing human beings. But I don't wanna get on a soapbox and judge her; she probably had a very difficult time deciding to abort.
That is one stupid b....

Excuse my language but 1 accidental pregnancy I can understand...but you'd think someone would learn after the first time.

3?!? geee....you should have slapped that person karizma.

[unordinary.girl]

i pretty much agree with all of you on the issue over abortion, basically it seems like you all are leaning towards bein pro-choice in this stage of your lives...

I actually got pregnant at 18...and I'm 20 now...and at the the time the only decision that seemed right to my boyfriend and I, was to abort it.

I didnt even realize I was pregnant until I was already 10 weeks, so it was pretty awful.

I ended up gettin the abortion, and I learned my lesson after that pretty much.

It's a really hard thing to go thru, emotionally, mentally, and physically. I think a woman just naturally has this bond with the child growing inside of them, even if it was only with them for a few weeks.

I can honestly say that I would never want to have an abortion again. I think if that "mistake" of me getting pregnant happened right now, I really could not go thru all the crap I felt and went thru when I was 18 - all scared to death about being pregnant. I really could not handle it.

[angel nympho]

Originally posted by unordinary.girl@Nov 7 2002, 06:53 AM
i pretty much agree with all of you on the issue over abortion, basically it seems like you all are leaning towards bein pro-choice in this stage of your lives...

I actually got pregnant at 18...and I'm 20 now...and at the the time the only decision that seemed right to my boyfriend and I, was to abort it.

I didnt even realize I was pregnant until I was already 10 weeks, so it was pretty awful.

I ended up gettin the abortion, and I learned my lesson after that pretty much.

It's a really hard thing to go thru, emotionally, mentally, and physically. I think a woman just naturally has this bond with the child growing inside of them, even if it was only with them for a few weeks.

I can honestly say that I would never want to have an abortion again. I think if that "mistake" of me getting pregnant happened right now, I really could not go thru all the crap I felt and went thru when I was 18 - all scared to death about being pregnant. I really could not handle it.
Exactly. Only I was 15, and I was so scared that I didn't do anything about it for MONTHS. My boyfriend denied it was his, made me call his OTHER girlfriend and tell her it wasn't true, and spread nasty rumors about me all over school. He basically made my life a living hell.

Afterwards, you can trust that I'll make sure it'll NEVER happen again. Freakin' traumatizing.

[unordinary.girl]

Originally posted by angel nympho@Nov 7 2002, 05:37 PM
Originally posted by unordinary.girl@Nov 7 2002, 06:53 AM
i pretty much agree with all of you on the issue over abortion, basically it seems like you all are leaning towards bein pro-choice in this stage of your lives...

I actually got pregnant at 18...and I'm 20 now...and at the the time the only decision that seemed right to my boyfriend and I, was to abort it.  

I didnt even realize I was pregnant until I was already 10 weeks, so it was pretty awful.

I ended up gettin the abortion, and I learned my lesson after that pretty much.  

It's a really hard thing to go thru, emotionally, mentally, and physically.  I think a woman just naturally has this bond with the child growing inside of them, even if it was only with them for a few weeks.  

I can honestly say that I would never want to have an abortion again.  I think if that "mistake" of me getting pregnant happened right now, I really could not go thru all the crap I felt and went thru when I was 18 - all scared to death about being pregnant.  I really could not handle it.
Exactly. Only I was 15, and I was so scared that I didn't do anything about it for MONTHS. My boyfriend denied it was his, made me call his OTHER girlfriend and tell her it wasn't true, and spread nasty rumors about me all over school. He basically made my life a living hell.

Afterwards, you can trust that I'll make sure it'll NEVER happen again. Freakin' traumatizing.
That really sucks that your bf had to deny that it wasnt his.

My bf was pretty supportive, but in short, he was really the one that wanted it to be an abortion. I guess you can see why, its like either I get an abortion or screw up the rest of his life by keepin it, lol.

But yeah, I go along with you in saying it will never happen again, goin thru it once was hell enough.

[angel nympho]

Originally posted by unordinary.girl@Nov 7 2002, 09:58 PM
Originally posted by angel nympho@Nov 7 2002, 05:37 PM
Originally posted by unordinary.girl@Nov 7 2002, 06:53 AM
i pretty much agree with all of you on the issue over abortion, basically it seems like you all are leaning towards bein pro-choice in this stage of your lives...

I actually got pregnant at 18...and I'm 20 now...and at the the time the only decision that seemed right to my boyfriend and I, was to abort it.

I didnt even realize I was pregnant until I was already 10 weeks, so it was pretty awful.

I ended up gettin the abortion, and I learned my lesson after that pretty much.

It's a really hard thing to go thru, emotionally, mentally, and physically. I think a woman just naturally has this bond with the child growing inside of them, even if it was only with them for a few weeks.

I can honestly say that I would never want to have an abortion again. I think if that "mistake" of me getting pregnant happened right now, I really could not go thru all the crap I felt and went thru when I was 18 - all scared to death about being pregnant. I really could not handle it.
Exactly. Only I was 15, and I was so scared that I didn't do anything about it for MONTHS. My boyfriend denied it was his, made me call his OTHER girlfriend and tell her it wasn't true, and spread nasty rumors about me all over school. He basically made my life a living hell.

Afterwards, you can trust that I'll make sure it'll NEVER happen again. Freakin' traumatizing.
That really sucks that your bf had to deny that it wasnt his.

My bf was pretty supportive, but in short, he was really the one that wanted it to be an abortion. I guess you can see why, its like either I get an abortion or screw up the rest of his life by keepin it, lol.

But yeah, I go along with you in saying it will never happen again, goin thru it once was hell enough.
Werd. Having an EXTREMELY unsupportive partner was what made it the worst for me. It's hard to go through that shit even with somebody there to help you. It was near impossible doing it alone. After some of my friends found out, a lot of them pretty much deserted me, too... Was a sad point in my life. Especially since I was broke and had to find a way to pay for it. I'd missed my deadline with Planned Parenthood and ended up having to go to a private organization, where they hiked the price up from 300 to 800... :( +about 300 in checkups and sonograms...

[unordinary.girl]

That really sux!!

I was kinda lucky, I mean I got the funds to pay for it by going thru Planned Parenthood, but I still feel for you......abortion is a really bad thing to have to go thru, especially if you have to face that shit on your own.

I really don't have any sympathy for those who have had more than one abortion though. I had a friend that had multiple abortions and I always felt like she was sooo stupid for being that dumb to keep gettin pregnant, knowing full well that she was not goin to keep the baby.

I dunno, but I'm glad that things with you are better and we wont have to go thru that crap again...

[angel nympho]

^-- I definately agree with you. Those people out there who think of abortion as a method of birth control... should have been aborted themselves. Fack. That shit was devestating. I still wonder what would have happened if I hadn't had one.

[unordinary.girl]

same here.....I think about that all the time, wondering if I would be at the same place and doin the same stuff I am now if I would of kept the baby....

It still sucks to think about, I mean me and my bf are still together, so it's not like we just dumped the relationship or anything like that.....sometimes just wonder if it was worth givin up the baby and havin an abortion....know what i mean??

[angel nympho]

I totally agree. I always think about how old my baby would be if I had kept him or her... whether it would have been a him or a her... and if I made the right decision. Well, I was a 15 year old girl with NO intention of telling her parents, so I'm pretty sure I did the right thing. But still... it was scary that sometimes I could feel the heartbeat of a little baby inside of me. Maybe that was all in my head, but you know what I mean. You get emotionally connected after a while.

[unordinary.girl]

Oh yeah, I can relate with that.

I never told my parents about bein pregnant and my bf never told his parents.

His mom is completely neurotic anyway, and basically celebrates in seeing her kids miserable...she seriously loves making their lives a living hell...so we were sure not goin to go running to her for help.

As far as the whole baby thing, I was 10 weeks pregnant at the time, so I did get emotionally attached in a way, and kind of went into a state of withdrawal for awhile. I was pretty depressed over the whole thing, I think mainly because I never thought once in my mind that I would ever have an abortion.

I never looked down on women who made the choice to abort a child, but personally, I always thought that if the time came for me, I would keep it. And I guess I kind of felt disappointed in myself, and held a little grudge on my bf for goin along with the abortion plan....but I think the only thing I can do now is make sure it doesnt happen again. Because if I do get pregnant now, there's no way in hell I'm goin to go thru another abortion, and that's damn sure! :P

[babysakura]

Originally posted by angel nympho@Nov 8 2002, 12:08 AM
I totally agree. I always think about how old my baby would be if I had kept him or her... whether it would have been a him or a her... and if I made the right decision. Well, I was a 15 year old girl with NO intention of telling her parents, so I'm pretty sure I did the right thing. But still... it was scary that sometimes I could feel the heartbeat of a little baby inside of me. Maybe that was all in my head, but you know what I mean. You get emotionally connected after a while.
it's not easy giving up something that has been a part of you. i think if it's been there a few months, its a baby/fetus. having to go through it alone its hard, VERY hard. one experience is enough to change your life. i have a friend, who went through an abortion when she was 18, now she 21 now. her bf insisted that she did it, and promised her the world and that everything would be better and fine after the whole abortion. after she aborted it, only did she find out he was sleeping with someone else. unordinary.girl you are so lucky to have a bf like that. my friend was on the verge of committing suicide and all. all she had was us her girlfriends. we had take turns to stay up juss to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid. it's already hard enough to deal with the loss of a baby, she loves kids, and then be betrayed. that experience alone gives me reason enough to think that guys are jack arses. not all of them.

[angel nympho]

Oh, girlie, I was way further along than 10 weeks. :( I always had really strong beliefs against abortion, but until the moment I was actually standing there, faced with the decision... I was just really ashamed that I sold out. But in the long run, I think it's pretty fucked up of people to condemn those who have gone through with it, because it's not like they don't have ENOUGH problems on their hands as it is. It was a severe pain in the ass to walk past the protesting man outside. He stood out there every day holding signs and handing out pamphlets. When he saw me walking inside, he started shouting at me until the guy who gave me a ride there walked over to him and told him to mind his own business.

[unordinary.girl]

Whoa, more than 10 weeks?? Geez, that must of been even worse then :( I'm sorry girl...

I remember when I went in to get checked up to see how far along I was before the abortion, the nurse lady was all suprised that I was like 10 weeks, she said I was pretty lucky that I had found out now, because if I were further along, the procedure would have to be different....I think they insert something in you that you keep in you for a day or something, I'm not sure...

But mine was just something that lasted like 5 mins, but it seemed soo long. I felt soo drained afterwards...

When I went to get mine, there were no protesting people outside, at least none that I saw. I think it was because mine was scheduled early in the morning, right when the place opened....

My bf had classes or whatever, so I drove myself, I think I sat in that car like a little over an hour early....damn I was sooo scared....

[angel nympho]

Originally posted by unordinary.girl@Nov 8 2002, 05:22 PM
Whoa, more than 10 weeks?? Geez, that must of been even worse then :( I'm sorry girl...

I remember when I went in to get checked up to see how far along I was before the abortion, the nurse lady was all suprised that I was like 10 weeks, she said I was pretty lucky that I had found out now, because if I were further along, the procedure would have to be different....I think they insert something in you that you keep in you for a day or something, I'm not sure...

But mine was just something that lasted like 5 mins, but it seemed soo long. I felt soo drained afterwards...

When I went to get mine, there were no protesting people outside, at least none that I saw. I think it was because mine was scheduled early in the morning, right when the place opened....

My bf had classes or whatever, so I drove myself, I think I sat in that car like a little over an hour early....damn I was sooo scared....
I had to go twice. Had to get something inserted overnight. Did they put you to sleep?

[unordinary.girl]

oic, for me I had a choice of getting two different types of anesthia. One was just numbing up the area and the other one I guess you get all knocked out or whatever. I had to choose the first one since I did drive myself, I couldn't take the other anesthia because then they won't let you drive afterwards...

I had to sit in a little recovery/resting room for about 15 minutes after the procedure, then I was sent home...