How do you 'fit in'

[kimpossible]

Have you adapted to act or speak differently depending on which 'crowd' you're in, Asian and non-Asian? Let's not just limit it to one or two - get as specific as you wish. For instance, I have a tendency to act differently around Japanese (not JA) than I do JAs or other Americans.

There are mixed Asians that struggle with different social groups, most specifically in this case social groups of their Asian ethnicity. If you don't have or have never had any difficulties - please give advice that you think would help someone else.

For that matter, do any of you act the same no matter what?

[axi0m]

I kind of act differently around my Asian friends than I do my non-Asian friends, but the difference is mainly because I speak Japanese to some of them. It's kind of weird for me hanging out with Asians though because I look completely white. I do have Japanese blood in me though, just not much. The Asians here are very cool about it though so I don't have a problem fitting in.

-blw-
-ƒuƒ‰ƒ“ƒhƒ“-

[AliBabaIncorporated]

Originally posted by Hello_Hapa@Oct 25 2002, 07:28 PM
Have you adapted to act or speak differently depending on which 'crowd' you're in, Asian and non-Asian? Let's not just limit it to one or two - get as specific as you wish. For instance, I have a tendency to act differently around Japanese (not JA) than I do JAs or other Americans.


over here in HK, I'm a lot less patient around non-Chinese speaking ABC friends. (back at home I simply don't know that many non-Chinese speaking ABCs, cuz they don't tend to mix well with my other crowds of friends - HKers + Chinese-speaking ABCs, Japanese people, the intramural volleyball team, etc). here it's probably cuz they're really clueless, travel in groups of 20, and always need someone to speak and ask questions for them.

I'm more relaxed around the white exchange students, at least the ones who don't have an asiaphilia problem, or locals who I know well. but i'm a lot less patient around local university students I don't know at all though, cuz a lot of them insist on speaking not only in English, which I wouldn't mind if it was just "sorry," but in convoluted-ass sentences trying to show off their alleged vocabulary skills, like "Excuse me, but because I should disembark the bus at the next terminal, and you could move your legs so I can get to the aisleway?" In these cases I ask them to please use Chinese. Some of them get really offended. <_<

around Japanese people I'm kinda more the quiet observer, cuz my Japanese isn't that good. Also cuz I try to be more polite, and none of my jokes translate well anyway :huh:

Originally posted by Hello_Hapa@Oct 25 2002, 07:28 PM
For that matter, do any of you act the same no matter what?
don't think i could or would want to pull that off, might be social suicide in some cases.

[thaite]

I used to tailor how much ethinicity I'd display depending on the crowd I was with. Lately, I've been doing less and less of that. I became convinced that 'compartmentalizing' these aspects of myself were what contributed to the 'hapa identity crisis' that many of us go through, so I've been minimalizing my compartments.

Some people, Asian and non-Asian, don't like it. But as I've said here before, I have to be happy with myself.

[maldito]

Originally posted by Hello_Hapa@Oct 25 2002, 07:28 PM
There are mixed Asians that struggle with different social groups, most specifically in this case social groups of their Asian ethnicity.
I'm just me. And people have to accept me for who and what I am. I'm usually the only multiracial one, the only Hawaiian one, among Filipinos I'm the only Visayan one, and if there is an Ilocano, I'm the one who is a 3rd generation.

No matter what, I'm the different one but it doesn't bother me at all. I don't try to fit in.

[angel nympho]

Originally posted by Hello_Hapa@Oct 25 2002, 07:28 PM
Have you adapted to act or speak differently depending on which 'crowd' you're in, Asian and non-Asian? Let's not just limit it to one or two - get as specific as you wish. For instance, I have a tendency to act differently around Japanese (not JA) than I do JAs or other Americans.

There are mixed Asians that struggle with different social groups, most specifically in this case social groups of their Asian ethnicity. If you don't have or have never had any difficulties - please give advice that you think would help someone else.

For that matter, do any of you act the same no matter what?
For the most part, I'm pretty much the same no matter who I'm hanging out with. But either way, I don't generally hang out in "Asian" or "non-Asian" crowds. Usually, it's pretty mixed, but occasionally I get sucked into the "Asian" thing. BUt I'm pretty much the same. When they start getting a little too "Asian" for me, I just kinda laugh and shake it off and try to show 'em a bit of MY culture. They get mad when I blast the punk rock, but a lot of them have grown to like it. :) And when we go shopping, if I drag them into shops they don't like, they don't mind picking out my clothes, either. It's cute when people say "aww, I could never pull this off.... SARAH!!! Try this on!"

[Hiroshi2]

Originally posted by buoywonder@Oct 26 2002, 03:13 PM
I used to tailor how much ethinicity I'd display depending on the crowd I was with. Lately, I've been doing less and less of that. I became convinced that 'compartmentalizing' these aspects of myself were what contributed to the 'hapa identity crisis' that many of us go through, so I've been minimalizing my compartments.

Some people, Asian and non-Asian, don't like it. But as I've said here before, I have to be happy with myself.
Just to resurrect an old thread......

I think I still do that to a degree. For example, i can talk and act like a black person around blacks, but i'd never try to talk about my favorite alternative rock bands-which is what i would do around white people. with asians it's kinda of an awkward thing, cause it's like, "what would they think of me if they knew i was half-asian?"

[angel nympho]

Ya know what, guys? I think it doesn't really matter. At least not for me. I've come to accept and embrace the fact that, no matter what, I don't fit in. And I like it.

[noriko]

i agree with sarah-- i don't ever feel like i completely "fit in" anywhere (except with my small group of very close friends), but it really doesn't matter.

and yeah, i do act different around different groups of people, but it has to do with their culture, not ethnicity, if that makes any sense. For example, when I'm with my group of friends, many of whom are Japanese-American and Chinese-American, I feel free to make jokes and be loud and really state my opinions. When I'm with Japanese people (ie not American), even those my own age, I always act more reserved, because that's what's appropriate.

[Hiroshi2]

Don't get me wrong- I don't hang out in cliques or anything either- i have always had a hard time fitting in to anyone's group, really.

[BeTheReds]

Never had a clique I fit into.

In HS i was a drifter, the guy who had friends in a lot of different cliques, but never hung out with all my friends at the same time.

Birthday parties and the like never happned too often, as some of my friends seriously contrasted with each other.

The predominantly AZN volleyball team and the degenerate grunge loving pot smokers didn't mix well with the goths and the chess club.

I suppose I did act a little different around each group because they liked me for different reasons.