Well, I guess it's time...

[ellenej]

I've posted a little too in the rant room but haven't formally introduced myself. I'm 24, a college student and work full time at a job where I can pretty much screw around on the internet half the day, so I check out a lot of different forums.

I was adopted when I was 1 1/2 years old from S. Korea and have grown up in predominantly white, rural areas. Don't get me wrong, I have had a great life, with all the opportunities in the world, but I am seeking to know more about my history, culture, and talk to other people of similar heritage. I would someday like to visit Korea but have no desire to find my biological parents at this time.

I'm hesitant to say I have identity issues, since I would consider myself a happy, healthy person with no major crises in life. But there has always been a part of me that feels out of place. Strangely enough, the one time I did live in a more urban area, I felt almost MORE out of place. Like I'm not Asian enough to be Asian, but I'm not white enough to be white. But I'm coming to terms that I don't have to be ANY of these things. I am just me, and others can take it or leave it.

So here I am, trying to learn more about the Asian culture, debate, and pass time. Thanks for listening!

[moJo]

welcome :)

[hooligan]

I feel the same way some times. Welcome.

[Meki]

If it helps... I'm Korean and I grew up with a very traditional Korean family and yet I still find myself feeling out of place around Koreans. I feel quite insecure about... well... everything. From my looks to the way I speak and the way I interact. So it doesn't matter how you grew up. I think everyone feels out of place in certain situations.

Anyway, enough of my babbling... Welcome to YW and I hope you enjoy! ^_^V

[John0101]

Great introduction.

How you studied much of AA history? AA political history & Theory? Racial identity?

I think once you learn more about racial issues you'll feel much more comfortable with your racial identity.

[Meki]

^ John, I honestly think that it's a great idea to inform oneself about their culture and AA history in general but I doubt that anything from a textbook is going to help with the social interaction. At least it hasn't for me. It's just something that you have to work yourself up to. For me, I feel as if Koreans expect certain things out of me. Like to speak Korean perfectly, know all the mannerisms and such. And I realize that most Koreans Americans do not expect that out of me but it is that insecurity that keeps me from feeling at ease when I'm in a room full of them. Perhaps, it was b/c my parents were so traditional that they instilled this idea in me that I could never be Korean enough. Oh... Geez... I’m hijacking your intro thread. Sorry... hehe... (^_^;;) Anyway, all the best!

[ellenej]

HOnestly, the more I learn the more it depresses me. Like the underground railroads and things like that, (though that wasn't Korean immigrants I was still mortified, especially since I live in Oregon where there are the remanants of the underground cities).

I have just started doing more research. I am reading a book about the history of Korea and it's culture, little things like that. There are literally no other Korean-Americans or any Asian-Americans to speak of in my area so I can't exactly go talk to any, unfortunately.

I get distraught and tense talking about race issues so that has been a big struggle here. I guess my whole life I tried not to think about it, tried to act as though race doesn't matter and lately it's been glaringly apparent that it still does. And cultural identity which I never cared about until now that I'm older and feel like I should've already found myself but still haven't... Well, I'll stop rambling now. :)

[hooligan]

Racial issues are really depressing. Maybe there are some classes you can audit at your local JC or university that you should sit in on. Oregon's between California and Washington, some sort of ethnic enclave should exist from here to there.

As for reading, try some basic Asian Am stuff. Zia's "Asian American Dreams" and Takaki's (spelling) "Stranger's from a Distant Shore". Those are some pretty good and basic books. I can recommend some more if you want to PM me.

[Meki]

HOnestly, the more I learn the more it depresses me. Like the underground railroads and things like that, (though that wasn't Korean immigrants I was still mortified, especially since I live in Oregon where there are the remanants of the underground cities).

I have just started doing more research. I am reading a book about the history of Korea and it's culture, little things like that. There are literally no other Korean-Americans or any Asian-Americans to speak of in my area so I can't exactly go talk to any, unfortunately.

I get distraught and tense talking about race issues so that has been a big struggle here. I guess my whole life I tried not to think about it, tried to act as though race doesn't matter and lately it's been glaringly apparent that it still does. And cultural identity which I never cared about until now that I'm older and feel like I should've already found myself but still haven't... Well, I'll stop rambling now. :)

Haha... You're still quite young. ^_~ Look at me... I've got five years on you and I grew up with enough Koreans and Asians around me to where I should be completely comfortable with my racial identity but I still have certain issues. I think anyone who's Asian American or any minority for that matter, will always have issues as long as there is racial discrimination. Perhaps one day it won't be such an issue but as for now it is. And all we can do is fight it.

Sorry if I scared you. That certainly wasn't my intent. It really isn't as bad as all that. Just look at all the AA communities online or around the country. There are tons of people just like you struggling to find their identity, whether anyone admits it or not this forum and others like it is a way to help fight that sense of alienation. Fighting causes, discussing issues, prattling on about nonsense or what have you... In the end, it's all about finding a sense of belonging. Be it, where do we fit into this society or where do I fit into my culture. It's essentially the same question.

I sincerely hope this doesn't discourage you from exploring who you are and where you fit into all this. Again, best of luck to you and I hope you continue to share your experiences with us.

[pikachupacabra]

Welcome to YW ellen! Hope the place helps you better understand yourself!

[nola]

Glad you're here, Ellen.

[toriburu]

hello! welcome

[tvbdude]

sup

[tapestrybabe]

Don't get me wrong, I have had a great life, with all the opportunities in the world, but I am seeking to know more about my history, culture, and talk to other people of similar heritage. I would someday like to visit Korea but have no desire to find my biological parents at this time.

yeah, your thought process may change...
well, i just know for myself...
now in my 30's...
my interest in wanting to search
for my biological parents...
kinda increases as i grow older...

anyhow, welcome to yw... :biggrin:

[kasia]

welcome!