Meeting your potential in laws......

[atyc]

Obviously, some of you might not have gone this far but I would just like to hear from you guys. I would like to hear most from someone who has dated (is dating or whatever) a different race girl (white, black...etc). I am now dating a jap girl and man, whenever I think about meeting her parents, I feel like digging a hole and never wanting to see the sunlight again...... what doesn't help is that her parents don't speak no English (they live in Japan), I guess it helps a bit I am learning Japanese....Anyway, any thoughts???

[thaite]

Well, I guess you could start by not calling 'em Japs.

[taiwanchic]

fyi, historically*, 'jap' has been a derogatory term. thus when presently used, it is still considererd derogatory (racist, insulting) as well.

*during WWII and the Japanese American Internment, was when the term was most used.

[atyc]

Oh, sorry if it has offended anyone... but when I talk to my friends, we tend to use these terms very often, "curry heads", "chink", "jap"....etc (sorry again, if I have offended even more people), I guess to us, this is just our way to talk among ourselves (us being, my Indo friends, vietnamese friends, chinese friends...etc). Don't mean to be offensive at all..........

[amietron]

be cleanly dressed. no baggy or grungy clothes. show them that you can treat her well. show respect. don't go empty-handed. you have to bring omiyage!

[bluecollarjap]

i used jap on my log name just to be short, to clerify. also is that one of those things a japanese can say and get away with just like blacks calling eachother nig. to get back to the subject. yes be clean cut. i'm a firm believer there is a dress for every occasion, kinda old school. be sharp, don't get nice cloth and not have it fit. nothing worse than illfitting clothing. shows you don't care and have no attention to detail. but i guess thats just a minor thing. if their daughter is happy then they'll know you treat her well. good luck man.
on my experience, i've only dated white girls. now before you jump on my back about being a sell out or something, understand where i came from. germany and appalacia. not too many asians there. i've had no problems with meeting the girls' parents.



<!--EDIT|bluecollarjap|Oct 18 2002, 04:25 PM-->

[Craig]

Why do you have to bring souvenirs ? Isn't that a little gaudy ?

[kimpossible]

What do her parents do for a living and what do you do for a living? If you bring gifts, make sure they're expensive name brand items bought and wrapped directly at a department store. Make sure they are wrapped professionally. Avoid buying things with sharp edges or that are mirror like. Definitely nothing in numbers of 4. You probably know most of this, but I wanted to be sure.

Really expensive and beautiful fruit, individually wrapped and put in professional packaging is a safe gift. When you give a gift, you must use both hands to hand it over. If you could learn a couple of set phrases for gift giving, that would be a nice touch. Emphasize that the gift is small and cheap - no matter how much you paid for it.

Take them out to dinner and pay for it. But, you're Chinese, your check stealing and paying gon fu should be strong.



<!--EDIT|Hello_Hapa|Oct 18 2002, 09:34 AM-->

[deez nuts]

Yeah bring like a basket of fruit or something.

From my experience, you gotta win the dad over through getting on the mom's good side. The mom will tend to be more understanding and relate to her daughter. But the dad, on the other hand, you gotta maintain some sort of distace at first and let him observe you. In the back of his head, he's not gonna appreciate the fact that you're banging the living beejeezus out of his "little girl."

Form a bond with the mom and she'll work her woman magic on the dad. The key is not really for the dad like you (but don't make him hate ya, either), but rather to gain his repsect and show him you're a man that can take care of his "little girl" and not break his baby daughter's heart. He's still not gonna appreciate the fact that you two are doing the nasty, though. It may sound sick, but he knows what it's a like to be a young guy.

You can win over the mom by doing the little shit like if you're having dinner at their house. Offer to help bring out the dishes of food and when everyone is done eating offer to wash the dishes, etc etc etc.

So from personal experience: win over the mom and the mom will win over the dad for you.



<!--EDIT|Chasiubao_Boy|Oct 18 2002, 12:31 PM-->

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by Hello_Hapa@Oct 18 2002, 11:37 AM
Definitely nothing in numbers of 4.
i didn't know japanese people have a thing about the number 4, too.

[kimpossible]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Oct 18 2002, 10:54 AM
Originally posted by Hello_Hapa@Oct 18 2002, 11:37 AM
Definitely nothing in numbers of 4.
i didn't know japanese people have a thing about the number 4, too.
Same reason too.

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by Hello_Hapa@Oct 18 2002, 02:22 PM
Originally posted by SunWuKung@Oct 18 2002, 10:54 AM
Originally posted by Hello_Hapa@Oct 18 2002, 11:37 AM
Definitely nothing in numbers of 4.
i didn't know japanese people have a thing about the number 4, too.
Same reason too.
oooh

are they superstitious enough to leave out the 4th floor when they construct a building? they do that in HK. :ph34r: actually do you know if they do that in taiwan?

[amietron]

Originally posted by Chasiubao_Boy@Oct 18 2002, 09:28 AM
Yeah bring like a basket of fruit or something.

From my experience, you gotta win the dad over through getting on the mom's good side. The mom will tend to be more understanding and relate to her daughter. But the dad, on the other hand, you gotta maintain some sort of distace at first and let him observe you. In the back of his head, he's not gonna appreciate the fact that you're banging the living beejeezus out of his "little girl."

Form a bond with the mom and she'll work her woman magic on the dad. The key is not really for the dad like you (but don't make him hate ya, either), but rather to gain his repsect and show him you're a man that can take care of his "little girl" and not break his baby daughter's heart. He's still not gonna appreciate the fact that you two are doing the nasty, though. It may sound sick, but he knows what it's a like to be a young guy.

You can win over the mom by doing the little shit like if you're having dinner at their house. Offer to help bring out the dishes of food and when everyone is done eating offer to wash the dishes, etc etc etc.

So from personal experience: win over the mom and the mom will win over the dad for you.
wow. docs got it down squat. or do they say got it down flat?

yeah, they're really big on name branded stuff and saying that it was cheap even if it cost $80457253044. don't eat like a pig, either. enryo, enryo, enryo! i'm sure the g/f will run it by you. does she know how you feel about meeing the parents?

[kimpossible]

Originally posted by amietron@Oct 18 2002, 03:08 PM
enryo, enryo, enryo!
:D

[deez nuts]

Originally posted by Hello_Hapa@Oct 18 2002, 06:18 PM
Originally posted by amietron@Oct 18 2002, 03:08 PM
enryo, enryo, enryo!
:D
what's enryo?

[kimpossible]

Originally posted by Chasiubao_Boy@Oct 18 2002, 03:52 PM
Originally posted by Hello_Hapa@Oct 18 2002, 06:18 PM
Originally posted by amietron@Oct 18 2002, 03:08 PM
enryo, enryo, enryo!
:D
what's enryo?
It's a secret. :ph34r:

Nah, it means to hesitate. She basically used the one word that encapusulates the whole Japanese yes/no doesn't always mean yes/no thing and not every offer made should be accepted either right away or ever.

For instance, if you asked me if I minded if you smoked near me, I might give you an answer like, "I don't smoke. Go ahead." and it really means, "Yes, I mind."

It also applies in prinicipal to accepting gifts and... uh, how else do I describe, maybe... privilege? My observation is that there's something similar in Chinese culture, but linguisitically, you can say 'want' 'yes' and 'no' more directly in Chinese without it being a problem.

There's a bit more to it but I'm kind of barfy and debated out.

I feel like this right now. :go: :retard:

[ChairmanMah]

haven't met my gf's vietnamese parents yet. they don't speak any english and i'm not viet. I guess smile and say hi and get someone to translate.

[atyc]

Thx a lot guys. We haven't talked about meeting each other's parents (though my g/f has already met my sister and grandmum, funny huh??). I would like to be able to speak basic japanese before I fly over to there to meet them. Actually, I know her mom doesn't like the idea of her dating someone who isn't a japanese. Anyway, it's gonna be awhile before that would happen but whenever I think about it, it sort of freaks me out, you know what I am saying? The worst part is I can't speak the lingo......

[LoneSwordsman]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Oct 18 2002, 07:34 PM
are they superstitious enough to leave out the 4th floor when they construct a building? &nbsp;they do that in HK. &nbsp; :ph34r: &nbsp; actually do you know if they do that in taiwan?
My friend told me that the fourth floor in Taiwan hospitals are for storage

[deez nuts]

Originally posted by atyc@Oct 19 2002, 09:11 AM
Thx a lot guys. We haven't talked about meeting each other's parents (though my g/f has already met my sister and grandmum, funny huh??). I would like to be able to speak basic japanese before I fly over to there to meet them. Actually, I know her mom doesn't like the idea of her dating someone who isn't a japanese. Anyway, it's gonna be awhile before that would happen but whenever I think about it, it sort of freaks me out, you know what I am saying? The worst part is I can't speak the lingo......
Good luck.

[amietron]

it'll be alright. you've still got time. leave it to YW. we'll get you ready. hehe. =)

[MellowDrama]

Originally posted by atyc@Oct 19 2002, 02:11 PM
Thx a lot guys. We haven't talked about meeting each other's parents (though my g/f has already met my sister and grandmum, funny huh??). I would like to be able to speak basic japanese before I fly over to there to meet them. Actually, I know her mom doesn't like the idea of her dating someone who isn't a japanese. Anyway, it's gonna be awhile before that would happen but whenever I think about it, it sort of freaks me out, you know what I am saying? The worst part is I can't speak the lingo......
Actually, I'm in a situation somewhat similar to you. But, I think it's gonna come sooner than later. I may go to Japan this winter to (1) See my girlfriend and (2) Meet her mom. Her father just recently passed, which kind of bums me out, because he sounded like such an interesting guy and I wanted to meet him.

My parents already met her, and I think they like her. My mom and her got along pretty good. They talked for quite some time. My dad, well he's never really talked to me about dating/girls ever, but he seems to have gotten along with her well, and thought she was nice.

The thing is, I don't think they (my parents) know how serious we are. Maybe their attitude would be different if they did.

But I have yet to meet her mom or her brother and sister, so I am of course nervous as hell. I guess what I do have going for me is that my Japanese is OK, not great, but I can carry a normal conversation, read a magazine, watch a movie, etc. As long as I don't make myself look like a jackass, I'd be happy. Also, my gf told me her mom talked to her about "us" and said that she (her mom) doesn't really seem to mind that I'm not Japanese.

[atyc]

Good luck man, hope everything goes well for you. I am now at beginner stage (japanese) but I do plan on to keep studying it. Anyway, all the best....

[LT25]

I had a bad experience in high school with a white girls mom, but positive experiences w/ a Latin girl's and Chinese girl's parents. The woman I'm trying to get involved with (she's back in MA and I'm in NJ) has 2 younger brothers and 2 younger sisters. I'm more concerned about eventually meeting them. :o :confused:

[DaBestSpooner]

Originally posted by atyc@Oct 18 2002, 12:42 AM
Obviously, some of you might not have gone this far but I would just like to hear from you guys. I would like to hear most from someone who has dated (is dating or whatever) a different race girl (white, black...etc). I am now dating a jap girl and man, whenever I think about meeting her parents, I feel like digging a hole and never wanting to see the sunlight again...... what doesn't help is that her parents don't speak no English (they live in Japan), I guess it helps a bit I am learning Japanese....Anyway, any thoughts???
I'm engaged to a japanese girl and I went through all that you're gonna go through. Dont sweat it, bring plenty gifts (LV, Burberry, Dior, Brooks Brothers), be polite, be charming and just be yourself. Be helpful around the house, help with the dishes. When you're eating say umai alot, and say sugoi alot when you comment about her mom's cooking. Fight for the check, but if you win, they're gonna sneak around your back anyway and leave the money in your pocket, old japanese women are sneaky like that. When I stayed at my gf's parents place I helped with the cooking, the dishes. And I helped her mom set perms at her salon.

I recommend the book, learn japanese in 6 weeks, read it, then ask your gf how japanese people really speak. The stuff they teach you in school and in books is way too formal.

I think they like me cus I get a care package every few months from her family filled with junk food, hair, skin products, household items and nike dunks.

I also thought about the idea that her parents disliking me because I'm chinese, but I found the opposite. I got their approval to marry their daughter. =)