hello

[Emkae]

Greetings everyone! I found this site among the results for a search on "culture" I ended up in the Rant Room thread titled Things you hate about your own culture (http://forums.yellowworld.org/showthread.php?t=21872 ).

Now I'm hooked! My only connection to Asian culture is through my Chinese friend of 14 years. As a young adult she's not allowed any form of adult independence without...permission(?!?!?!) I find it difficult to understand why she doesn't rebel. She find's it difficult to understand why I don't shut up! Lol! :biggrin:

But after reading the comments of other Asian experiences I begin to understand that my friend is raised by some principles that are foreign to me. I look forward to learning more about things I now realize it might be difficult for my friend to explain to me.

Although I don't believe "Pre-conceptive Slush" is an accurate discription of me...lol!

[hooligan]

I think that being Chinese American/Asian American with Chinese American/Asian American values isn't foreign at all. Welcome to YW, Emkae

[Emkae]

Well some of it is to me! I cannot understand why my friend doesn't get her own place and send her parents an allowance. She is horrified each time I suggest this. "She's not married", "her parents need her", "the family would look down on her if she lived away from home", etc, etc.
It's not like she's a kid…she's almost 30!!! I really do want to understand before our friendship is jeopardized. I can only listen to so much complaining when she won't take action to solve the problem. And I care about her, I can see that she is hopeless and depressed. But from my viewpoint all she has to do is move! It's not like she's unable, she just can't imagine doing it!

Thank you for your welcome, I look forward to learning more!

[Napoleon Chynamite]

Well some of it is to me! I cannot understand why my friend doesn't get her own place and send her parents an allowance. She is horrified each time I suggest this. "She's not married", "her parents need her", "the family would look down on her if she lived away from home", etc, etc.
It's not like she's a kid…she's almost 30!!! I really do want to understand before our friendship is jeopardized. I can only listen to so much complaining when she won't take action to solve the problem. And I care about her, I can see that she is hopeless and depressed. But from my viewpoint all she has to do is move! It's not like she's unable, she just can't imagine doing it!

Thank you for your welcome, I look forward to learning more!

Asian cultures simply value family more. Nothing wrong with it even though it may not fit with your tastes.

[yick]

Asian cultures simply value family more. Nothing wrong with it even though it may not fit with your tastes.
Gumby,

Though in certain situations I may agree with you, I don't necessarily think our cultures value family more. It may appear that way on the surface but we can't blindly say that just because we perceive certain actions to exhibit greater "worth" of family over others. For instance a culture may perceive people who sacrifice their offspring to gain favour from the "gods" to bring in good harvest to feed their family to value family more, and likewise others would disagree.

Anyway I digress, what I wanted to discuss was that it's not that we value family more but that perhaps we are conditioned to have a greater sense of obligation towards family as we mature. At an early age, particularly of asian immigrant families from my experience, its inculcated into our minds at a young age to "take care" of the family. This, I surmise, is a function of the dependency and the reliance that older asians have on their offspring in countries that have no or lack of social or welfare systems which describes many asian countries. I'm willing to bet that Emkae's friend is an immigrant or at least has immigrant parents from an impoverished country.

By the way Emkae welcome, I'm new myself.

[tapestrybabe]

hey sup...
interesting conversation goin' on here...
welcome to yw!!!

By the way, I'm new myself.
and welcome to you too!!!

[Napoleon Chynamite]

Anyway I digress, what I wanted to discuss was that it's not that we value family more but that perhaps we are conditioned to have a greater sense of obligation towards family as we mature.

Not sure whether we should really explore this issue in depth since this is after all an intro thread, but yeah I would tend to agree. However, since Asians are perhaps socialized to feel a greater obligation to the family, isn't it pretty much safe to say that Asians overall value the family more than, say, Western cultures or societies? Obviously not every Asian person who is socialized in this way will embrace or value family as much as society tells them to, but it sure provides a much greater mechanism with potential for influence than say a society that doesn't place as much emphasis towards obligation to the family.

[Emkae]

At the risk of digressing even further (I trust the moderator will stop me when necessary), I am mainly concerned about my friend's family relations because she seems depressed and despondent; not because "it doesn't suit my tastes".

Comment on this::
However, since Asians are perhaps socialized to feel a greater obligation to the family, isn't it pretty much safe to say that Asians overall value the family more than, say, Western cultures or societies? …

This sounds like a stereotype to me. Besides I didn't advocate abandoning her family. She could visit regularly and drop off the allowance. I just don't understand why her parents' well being must come at the expense of her own. She is am immigrant from HK , she came here around age 5.

[Napoleon Chynamite]

Comment on this::
However, since Asians are perhaps socialized to feel a greater obligation to the family, isn't it pretty much safe to say that Asians overall value the family more than, say, Western cultures or societies? …

This sounds like a stereotype to me. Besides I didn't advocate abandoning her family. She could visit regularly and drop off the allowance. I just don't understand why her parents' well being must come at the expense of her own. She is am immigrant from HK , she came here around age 5.

If we have already established the fact that a certain society teaches its citizens be more politically active than most other societies, it would hardly be farfetched or stereotypical to say or assume that the citizens of that society in general place more value on political participation in comparison to citizens from other societies.

[nola]

I am mainly concerned about my friend's family relations because she seems depressed and despondent.Are there others who are concerned and able to help her?

[SunWuKong]

I just don't understand why her parents' well being must come at the expense of her own.

i actually don't find anything strange about that.

[kasia]

welcome to this forum, and i look forward to getting to know you. upon reading your posts, i would like to respectfully make a suggestion. to understand another's culture, it may help to listen to members of that culture speak their points of views...rather than speaking over them and steering the discussion in a certain direction. in my opinion, this is a better way of gaining a true understanding.

[Emkae]

welcome to this forum, and i look forward to getting to know you. upon reading your posts, i would like to respectfully make a suggestion. to understand another's culture, it may help to listen to members of that culture speak their points of views...rather than speaking over them and steering the discussion in a certain direction. in my opinion, this is a better way of gaining a true understanding.

Thank you for your welcome. I received your message in the other thread and thank you for your suggestions.

I have read members' posted views throughout the threads I have participated in. I have based my comments on these views/comments/questions.

I had no intention of disrupting discussions, nor was I aware of being disruptive.

I will take your advice and refrain from posting in any thread unless a comment is directed towards me.

I apologize for any unintentional inconvenience…

[kasia]

please see the other thread to my response to this.

no inconvenience, and i hope you will post more than just is directed towards you. part of this will just take discretion on your part to determine when it is appropriate to allow the asian members to have their own discussions and when to jump in and post :) i trust that you will have that courtesy.

[applehead]

welcome!

[moJo]

i actually don't find anything strange about that.
i don't find it strange, but i personally do not agree with it - generally. there are some individual instances in which i would agree, tho.

anyhoots, welcome :)

[yick]

I just don't understand why her parents' well being must come at the expense of her own. She is am immigrant from HK , she came here around age 5.

She may deem that her parents' well being must come at the expense of her well being because she's been made to believe that her parents made huge sacrifices to raise her in America. No doubt that may well be the case and she feels obligated to this end out of guilt (most likely) to "pay them back". Ofcourse her parent's are milking this for as much as it's worth. I don't necessarily agree with this treatment but who am I to say... My parent's may have been poor when they immigrated to Canada from HK but they have never held me this sort of obligation, though I will assuredly offer them what I can to make what life they have left on this planet enjoyable. :smile:

At the risk of digressing even further (I trust the moderator will stop me when necessary), I am mainly concerned about my friend's family relations because she seems depressed and despondent; not because "it doesn't suit my tastes".

Comment on this::
However, since Asians are perhaps socialized to feel a greater obligation to the family, isn't it pretty much safe to say that Asians overall value the family more than, say, Western cultures or societies? …

This sounds like a stereotype to me. Besides I didn't advocate abandoning her family. She could visit regularly and drop off the allowance. I just don't understand why her parents' well being must come at the expense of her own. She is am immigrant from HK , she came here around age 5.

I think I know what Gumby is trying to say. He's not saying that you love/care about your family any less but that you may not value your family for the same reasons or extent as an immigrant. Let's say for examply someone comes from an impoverished country without social welfare programs. Out of necessity family members must rely on each to other for survival. Family becomes a vessel for survival and a great deal of the resources and energies of it's individual members must be devoted to it. Now compare that to North America, where there isn't as great a dependence on family for survival because there are institutions to provide and government agencies to assist. Family is no longer a vessel for survival and may in fact lose some of it's value.

I'm sure as North Americans we've heard countless times in the media some segment or article about the de-construction of the family unit. How family values are taking a back seat to individual needs/wants... etc... etc... Because the need for the family unit is not as great. Greater need, greater value. This is clearly not a new phenomenon.

Curious Emkae, if you don't mind me asking, how long has your family been in the US? How many generations?

[Emkae]

I get your point about the importance placed on family relationships based on cultural, environmental and economical influences. That "footnote" adds depth to the idea of family devotion.

As to my family, we've never lived anywhere else. My mother is African American, her people are documented to have been here since the 1600s. My father is Native American, his people are indigenous here.
My immediate roots are in NYC, mine is the 4th generation here, I've never lived anywhere else.

[tvbdude]

sup

[yuuteya]

welcome! are you searching for culture too? so am i, and making some new one as i go along!

[mvprg]

heh. me too... a pre-conceptive slush as well...grrh...LOL

welcome.