Beauty + Brains = Intimidating?

[artsfartsyjanet]

Women, do you think other people find you intimidating because you speak your mind or engage in critical analysis about anything? Have anyone told you that your success in life plus your attractiveness makes you highly intimidating to approach unless they actually know you over time? Perhaps it's just my perception... and without sounding like i have an ego trip here, I think it is unspoken by some guys I personally know who really feel it's intimidating to approach an intelligent and attractive woman... or is it a self-confidence or imaginative thing? i've been told that people find me intimidating b/c i don't depend on another person with finances and that i'm college educated working in the "real world".

Of course, i wouldn't be dating someone who feels assumes i'm too intimidating. Then again, there are people who like women with an assertive critical mind.

I've been told that I talk too much by people who hardly talk at all. Not a surprise there. It doesn't really get to me at all. I just think it's funny...like a double-edged sword... when people begin to judge you as intimidating to approach because you have a brain and are beautiful. Well beauty, that's in the eye of the self and the beholder.

[kitty]

yes, i get accused of being intimidating because i'm opinionated and not afraid to voice my thoughts. i'm not sure if it's because i'm a woman, because i'm asian, or both...

[nola]

Women, do you think other people find you intimidating because you speak your mind or engage in critical analysis about anything?This was a question posed to the women in the women's forum. We have three male interlopers so far.

People are totally unintimidated by my people-pleasing co-dependent demeanor. They walk all over me but after people know me for a while, like a year or two, they're really intimidated and say wow I'm so beautiful and brilliant and nice.

[applehead]

This was a question posed to the women in the women's forum. We have three male interlopers so far.

People are totally unintimidated by my people-pleasing co-dependent demeanor. They walk all over me but after people know me for a while, like a year or two, they're really intimidated and say wow I'm so beautiful and brilliant and nice.

thanks for pointing that out nola.
please read janet's initial post carefully
then you'll see that it was for women only.

i don't think i'm intimidating at all.
i'm really quiet in real life. not much of a talker.
doesn't really mean i'm not opinionated.
but i really admire women like kitty girl
who isn't afraid to voice their opinions.
when you keep things bottled up it becomes
a habit and takes more energy to express them.
i sometimes feel like it's a chore to speak up.

[kimpossible]

No, but I have been told at times I have a hell of a scary stare and demeanor. Has nothing to do with beauty or brains - for me, at any rate. For the most part I'd guess I look rather approachable because strangers often stop me to ask for directions.

[asvenus]

fortunately i have neither brains nor beauty so do not intimidate anyone, although i can overstate my opinion which riles people up as i usually believe i am an authority on every subject under the sun and am not afraid to voice this..loudly..but i suppose thats more obnoxious than intimidating...
my best mate on the other hand is extrememly beautiful and intelligent and often intimidates men and women because of this..they expect her to be either stupid or stuck up and when they find out she is neither they dont quite know how to handle her..
at times i adopt a 'mean intimidation face' to deflect attention (eg:when walking down street), it rarely works though and ends up with people telling me to 'cheer up love', or 'smile, it might never happen'..etc..i blame it on my cheeks, theyre too fat and too rosy to be scary :rolleyes:

[moJo]

at times i adopt a 'mean intimidation face' to deflect attention (eg:when walking down street), it rarely works though and ends up with people telling me to 'cheer up love', or 'smile, it might never happen'..etc..i blame it on my cheeks, theyre too fat and too rosy to be scary :rolleyes:
random people on the street say the same thing to me! "smile!", "cheer up, it ain't so bad is it?", etc. hehehe. i don't even notice that i look that bad. i guess i just don't have the natural pleasant expression defaulted...

[Meki]

Well I would have to say that I go through different moods. Sometimes I’m very opinionated, other times I’m very quiet and blend into the background. But I’m not really sure how other people view me… In my work environment, I am rarely viewed as the intellectual professional b/c of how young I look and I suppose how short I am… It’s a constant struggle to get any respect there so I guess I am the most opinionated when I’m at work. And I could care less what my co-workers thought of me but in my personal life I’m pretty laid back and I’m only opinionated when someone is up for a good debate.

Since I don’t get approached by strangers very often, I must project something that seems to scare them off… Its strange b/c I do smile a lot so I wouldn’t think I look very intimidating. Ha ha! :biggrin: I would be very surprised to find out that someone was intimidated by me.

[asvenus]

Since I don’t get approached by strangers very often, I must project something that seems to scare them off… Its strange b/c I do smile a lot so I wouldn’t think I look very intimidating. Ha ha! :biggrin: I would be very surprised to find out that someone was intimidated by me.

must be that crazed look in your eye, oh and that neck twitch thing you got going on..

and mojo dont you want to slap those people..im like thanks mate i thought i looked pretty good today..obviously not.. :rolleyes: jeez its not my fault i still dont know how to apply make up effectively..

[Meki]

must be that crazed look in your eye, oh and that neck twitch thing you got going on..

Damn, and that's my sexy look too! Are you saying that isn't sexy!? :tongue:

[kasia]

no. i think most ppl assume i'm an airhead until they find out what i do for a living. then they wonder how i got here.

i also argue for a living, so i try not to argue outside of work if i don't have to. people make a ton of assumptions about female attorneys, and i guess i'm reacting to that.

[applehead]

random people on the street say the same thing to me! "smile!"

oh i hate that!
it's so annoying.
i heard that all the time growing up.

[artsfartsyjanet]

today, i was told that i'm soft spoken... i'm not sure if i'm being passive or just polite in their eyes. That's hard for me to interpret. I am really not soft spoken once you get to know me. actually, i'm quite opinionated.I am naturally just quiet until I find something I don't understand. I feel like i'd be forcing it if i talk just as much as everyone else. Yesterday, i had lunch with a coworker who had a problem with another person who allows her 1st grade child to sleep on the same bed as her. I personally have no problem with that b/c a lot of asian families bring their children up very close to them. Then again, i don't even know if it makes a difference in a caucasian family... but apparently it does. i thought it was not unusual, but i also didn't feel like "speaking up" about it either. Maybe it's a passiveness thing.... either way, it wasn't work-related. so, in all practicality, i just let it fly.

oh about a stranger telling me to smile, i am quick to say, "i just don't want to." it doesn't mean i'm unhappy or sad. It's my friggin normal face at rest. i went to advanced auto parts, and the clerk said that to me. annoying.

I also agree that when i tell people where i work, i think people wonder how i got there too. my relatives don't question that b/c they obviously know me, but i get mixed reactions. Some people i hardly know say "wow!" and others seem resentful or something just from their brief silence b/c they look like they don't know how to react.

my ex once told me, "people are intimidated by you b/c you're successful."

:confused:

[moser]

Professionally, I'm considered approchable; it's another person and I who are considered to be the most knowledgeable in how things work, and this other person is unprofessional when someone doesn't know how to do something and tries to find out how.

Personally, however, I've been told that my being reserved is intimidating to some and have noticed that some people get more upset when I stand up for myself/voice an opinion that differs from theirs compared to others. Think people expect me to be this girly, bubbly, "nice" type because I'm short, young looking and of Asian decent. Not that there's anything wrong with girly, bubbly and "nice."

[artsfartsyjanet]

i am by nature reserved, polite, and feminine. In a professional setting, I try to be more opinionated in a meeting, polite and professional on the phone, and seemingly more reserved at lunch with coworkers but it depends. I don't care if i'm in happy hour or in lunch with them, if the opinions are not work-related, i could care less what my coworkers think are right and wrong unless it is demeaning enough for me to approach it in a joking manner. lol.

[nola]

Women, do you think other people find you intimidating because you speak your mind or engage in critical analysis about anything?I think when women speak in that critical analysis language that is usually the province of men they'll be immediately intimidated because you're displaying stereotypical male behavior. I think we Asian women need to be assertive from the beginning. As Kasie said in another thread modesty doesn't work in Asians' favor. Yeah and Kasie's such an airhead. Not! :tongue:

[blueblue79]

I guess. at work we all need to be opinionated and assertive , if we want our messages acrossed. at personal life..I guess...not too much opinions will be better???..I was told (twice) that I am very argumentative. ( which I think I was too opinionated)..they find intimiting...

[Anaestacia]

Women, do you think other people find you intimidating because you speak your mind or engage in critical analysis about anything? Have anyone told you that your success in life plus your attractiveness makes you highly intimidating to approach unless they actually know you over time? Perhaps it's just my perception... and without sounding like i have an ego trip here, I think it is unspoken by some guys I personally know who really feel it's intimidating to approach an intelligent and attractive woman... or is it a self-confidence or imaginative thing? i've been told that people find me intimidating b/c i don't depend on another person with finances and that i'm college educated working in the "real world".

Of course, i wouldn't be dating someone who feels assumes i'm too intimidating. Then again, there are people who like women with an assertive critical mind.

I've been told that I talk too much by people who hardly talk at all. Not a surprise there. It doesn't really get to me at all. I just think it's funny...like a double-edged sword... when people begin to judge you as intimidating to approach because you have a brain and are beautiful. Well beauty, that's in the eye of the self and the beholder.

No, I don't get the talk thing. But I often have a lot of questions and then others will ramble on. I lose interest or find something worth debating with them.

Actually from a recent trip to my usercp, someone hit with some negative karma, and then ran away sulking. If you have a problem with what I've said, kindly state it in a pm. A smiley face does NOT explain anything. It's rather juvenile.

I'm tired of a lot of women very quickly, generally. And it's not necessarily to men, but to women that I've been called "intimidating" outloud. I don't like a lot of their cynicism, their whiny complaints and the way some sway from side to side extremely easily. I know men do those just as much but they're not in the open and often find other ways to deal with it.

There should be a very (thick) line drawn between opinionated and "brains". They're not synonymous.

Never date someone who thinks you're intimidating, cries repeatedly when you say something or manifests whatever avoidance behaviour without addressing any problems. It's not worth it. I'm sorry to say I've been through it. It's just terrible all around. You're made the villian while they go on sobbing their eyeballs out. It's pathetic and goes nowhere.

[eos]

Bah. I felt like annoying you that day. Juvenile? Hardly. Consider it, rather, an informal way of letting you know that you're way too bubbly and cute in my threadspace.

And there's no need to say 'someone' with such prim properness. Call me out to play, by all means. My momma didn't raise no pussy-whipped sissy. Unlike most American men, I don't need to wave my cock around at all times to feel like a man. Being 'intimidated' by a woman simple means you're lacking in the size department.


bwahahahahahha..........sorry.

inside joke between me and tak, right,sweetie? ^_~*

[Anaestacia]

Bah. I felt like annoying you that day. Juvenile? Hardly. Consider it, rather, an informal way of letting you know that you're way too bubbly and cute in my threadspace.


Yours? Stay out of mine.

[mrazntre]

Please continue women

[FuNkY CaSaNoVa]

Women, do you think other people find you intimidating because you speak your mind or engage in critical analysis about anything? Have anyone told you that your success in life plus your attractiveness makes you highly intimidating to approach unless they actually know you over time? Perhaps it's just my perception... and without sounding like i have an ego trip here, I think it is unspoken by some guys I personally know who really feel it's intimidating to approach an intelligent and attractive woman... or is it a self-confidence or imaginative thing? i've been told that people find me intimidating b/c i don't depend on another person with finances and that i'm college educated working in the "real world".

Of course, i wouldn't be dating someone who feels assumes i'm too intimidating. Then again, there are people who like women with an assertive critical mind.

I've been told that I talk too much by people who hardly talk at all. Not a surprise there. It doesn't really get to me at all. I just think it's funny...like a double-edged sword... when people begin to judge you as intimidating to approach because you have a brain and are beautiful. Well beauty, that's in the eye of the self and the beholder.

pretty is skin deep, beauty is in the soul.. i don't know how that is related to the topic.. but.. i just felt like sharing that!!

anyhoo.. yes.. i believe that men find women who are beautiful and smart intimidating and wudn't approach u unless they know you over time..

and i agree with every word u said.. i have been telling people this for ages.. and its nice to see that i found someone who shares my point of view!!

[chocochewiness]

I'm not too sure about this topic.
When people see me, they aren't intimidated as I act kind of dumb. I guess people hate me over time?
But those who are intimidated because they can't stand people who are better than them. Ignore those types, they're shallow.

[zarathustra]

I love beauty and brains. But I'm not to fond of small brains, people who think they know everything and never grow, stop asking questions, and don't see things in new ways.

[Katherine]

[Forgive me if I sound like I'm tooting my own horn. It's hard to be objective on this type of topic.]

Although no one has ever told me, I do get the feeling that people are intimidated by my personality and actions, especially the asian community at my high school. I'm no bombshell, but I think I'm pretty good-looking, and my intelligence (well, I'd like to think that it) is pretty good.

If I am intimidating to them, then it has to be the fact that I speak my mind regularly during class, or crack jokes to the class often, or maybe even the fact that I participate so much in school (musicals, theatre, elite choir). It's been a long time since I've been shy, and I think I may be too bold (and talkative) and noticeable for their group.

I have lots of asian friends as well, but they're mostly just like me--opinionated, spirited, and bold, but open-minded and pleasant. We're a funny group with many idiosyncracies that we don't supress.

Anyway, my opinion is that it may not be a bad thing to be intimidating to those sort of people who view you as intimidating. After all, wouldn't you rather spend time with people who appreciate you for who you are and what you have to offer versus people who think you should "tone it down a bit" so you can be on their level? Same goes with dating.