The Omnibus Masturbation Thread

[Commando_turned_MD]

I prefer masturbation sometimes because it easier and quicker (2-3 minutes) than sex. For example, if I'm horny during lunch time, it is easier to to choke the monkey than having a quickie with my g/f. Clean-up is a bitch. Plus the smell (fishy) is horrible....it's not fun sitting in lecture w/ a fishy smell...

So do you guys/gals prefer a masturbation over sex?

[kimpossible]

how's the crack stubble going? do you plan on just going for it and scratching if it itches?

[DragonKnight]

So do you guys/gals prefer a masturbation over sex?
Nah.

[Chad]

I would say sex is better than masturbation only 40% of the time.

[tapestrybabe]

i would have to be more specific...
oral sex> masturbation...
40% of the time...
OKAY, maybe make that 60% of the time...
or maybe more...

[YuheiCarreau]

Woody Allen once said, "don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love"

[Irezumi Kiss]

Hmmm...

Since flying solo is all about fantasy and release for self, all under your own power, when you want it, where you want it, how you want it, as much as you want it (well, certain genders have those "refresh" time limitations that the Creator saw fit to distribute unfairly)...masturbation has the advantage of being totally selfish and not having to say you're sorry...which can provide a REALLY REALLY REALLY GREAT PAYOLA at the end...

Since (some) sex with another person or persons means giving and sharing and letting go and being vulnerable and trusting and a whole lotta other shit that you never really think about when diddling yourself alone, it has the advantage of newness, of unexpected delights with another body, the thrill of having the other doing you or you doing the other...the payola from that can also be REALLY GOOD...

I dunno. There's negatives with both, too, although when I think about it, there's more POTENTIAL negatives in having to deal with other people involved, since the sex is therby no longer necessarily selfish. Speaking more for the "love" sex and less for the "slam bam thank ya ma'am booty call friends with benefits" sex which is more like the middle ground between the two.

Hard to say. Depends on the situation. During my "famine" periods, masturbation is great; during my "feast" periods, damn if'n it don't feel good to have a nice, sexy body (other than my own) to squeeze and all!

Shit, I can't decide! Let's just have BOTH and be happy with it!

[applehead]

Plus the smell (fishy) is horrible....it's not fun sitting in lecture w/ a fishy smell...

So do you guys/gals prefer a masturbation over sex?

okay. so, i think you
should take your gf for a check-up
because that fishy smell,
it doesn't sound normal.
just looking out for ya.

[Tao]

hmm....i thought all vaginas smelled like fish? i mean i wouldn't know from experience or anything...anyone care to comment?

[applehead]

yeah but if you're still smelling fish
after sex. that's a strong fish smell
and she should have that checked.

[kimpossible]

hmm....i thought all vaginas smelled like fish? i mean i wouldn't know from experience or anything...anyone care to comment?

Though I'm sure there are some natural stinkers out there, for the most part that's urban legend exaggeration. Honestly, a true fishy smell is cause to see your GYN and considered a sign of infection or disease.

The longer you don't wash the less fresh you'll be of course but for the most part as long as you bath on a regular basis it shouldn't smell too much of anything. It's crotch, you know? It's not going to be all rose petals and honey but it really shouldn't be like the fish market or slaughterhouse on a hot day either.

[ism]

Yah, donno bout that smell. Not neccesarily a sign of infection but if it's that strong, it may be abnormal. Could be due to diet. Smoker slit is generally nasty.

[applehead]

gaaaaaaah.
you and your hairy ass.
her and her fishy vagina.
no wonder you prefer to masturbate.

[DragonKnight]

gaaaaaaah.
you and your hairy ass.
her and her fishy vagina.
no wonder you prefer to masturbate.
Issues.

[BigLew]

You can't reproduce the feeling of a warm body and running your hands and mouth over breasts and a nice ass... Now I got myself all worked up.

I gotta make a booty call. One yall.

[Meki]

Ewww! I don't know what's going on anymore. First talk about toss salads (Which I still am not sure what the heck that is!) now this? Fishy smells!? Yuck! I'm so confused... :confused:

[deez nuts]

you can always ask for some head. it's not that messy if she swallows. if she doesn't swallow, she's not a keeper anyways. plus, you can always ask her to lick up the loose cum chunks that she missed.

when life serves you up tuna fish; whip out some miracle whip and two pieces of bread and make yourself a tuna fish sandwich.

[Commando_turned_MD]

how's the crack stubble going? do you plan on just going for it and scratching if it itches?

I'm very comfortable... It hasnt itch yet..I plan to do this every 10-14 days. I highly recommend it!

yeah but if you're still smelling fish
after sex. that's a strong fish smell
and she should have that checked.


My g/f gets very wet....I mean, her juice is flowing when she is horny. Prior to this semester, I was getting a quickie during lunch time. We usually do it in my car or her car. She is mounting me; going up and down... Copious amount of love juice is flying all over the place.....
I tried to clean up as much as possible......1-2 hours into lecture, I smell like tuna...or a permutation of tuna

With Mastubration, I can sneak into the restroom and flog the dolphin. Aim for the toilet.....And I'm done... fast and easy

you can always ask for some head. it's not that messy if she swallows. if she doesn't swallow, she's not a keeper anyways. plus, you can always ask her to lick up the loose cum chunks that she missed.

when life serves you up tuna fish; whip out some miracle whip and two pieces of bread and make yourself a tuna fish sandwich.

I guess I should starting asking for head. She doesnt swallow... :mad: .....I guess I can just blast her in the face and call it a day..

She not a keeper...I'm just keeping her around because she is great in the sack... :biggrin:

[TB4000]

Seeing as how I am currently single and just can't get sex whenever I want, the masturbation thing is more of an option than need be at times. Though it's crazy to choose your own pleasure over a girl, there was an instance where she honestly just didn't know what to do, for lack of a better term...yet I did.

[Commando_turned_MD]

Though it's crazy to choose your own pleasure over a girl, there was an instance where she honestly just didn't know what to do, for lack of a better term...yet I did.[/QUOTE]

Sex is overated....It gets old after a while...You will realize stroking is a lot better most of time..

[nola]

Masturbation because fantasy is almost always better than reality. You can be with who you want, be who you want to be, it can be how you want it which rarely happens in real life. Real life and sex are complicated and messy.

[deez nuts]

I guess I should starting asking for head. She doesnt swallow... :mad: .....I guess I can just blast her in the face and call it a day..


the next time she's going down on you, smack her on the back of her head when you're about to blow and she'll do her best impression of the angry dragon. that'll teach her.

[nola]

If were married I might swallow but otherwise...

YEECCHH!!!!!

I'm always the one running to the kitchen sink.

[Commando_turned_MD]

the next time she's going down on you, smack her on the back of her head when you're about to blow and she'll do her best impression of the angry dragon. that'll teach her.

will do :biggrin:

[asvenus]

It's crotch, you know? It's not going to be all rose petals and honey but it really shouldn't be like the fish market or slaughterhouse on a hot day either.

kim!! well i spose its euuuwww but v. true!! :eek:

anyway sex is always better than masturbation..always..yes always :wink:
im gonna stop reading the posts in this section cos im on a self imposed 'drought at the mo and reading this stuff really aint helping with the old resolve to abstain!! :redface:

[YuheiCarreau]

the next time she's going down on you, smack her on the back of her head when you're about to blow and she'll do her best impression of the angry dragon. that'll teach her.

Smack her on the head while she's got your cock in her mouth... Sounds like the precedent for amputation, if you ask me.

[deez nuts]

Smack her on the head while she's got your cock in her mouth... Sounds like the precedent for amputation, if you ask me.

i have yet to hear this angry dragon theory being applied.

i am curious to see whether this would actually lead to an angry dragon like result or like you have said a trip to the ER.

it's almost like a hypothesis and null hypothesis like scenerio.

[Irezumi Kiss]

i have yet to hear this angry dragon theory being applied.

i am curious to see whether this would actually lead to an angry dragon like result or like you have said a trip to the ER.

it's almost like a hypothesis and null hypothesis like scenerio.
Since you're a doc — or on your way to becoming one — just how possible is it that you might come across this actually happening, to force you breaking out the needle and thread?

A few of my med bar buddies, over a few after-work beers, have told me they continuously have to deal with the "stuck sex toy" situations as well as other sexual shenanigans leading to bleeding...

[deez nuts]

A few of my med bar buddies, over a few after-work beers, have told me they continuously have to deal with the "stuck sex toy" situations as well as other sexual shenanigans leading to bleeding...


which hospital do they work at?

[Irezumi Kiss]

I don't have his card on me now, but a Japanese doctor friend of mine who practices at some place on the East Side would tell me some things whenever we met up for drinks and he'd show up in his scrubs sometimes, stressed out like hell. He would tell me shit like this one guy who showed up at the ER with the butt end of an umbrella stuck in his rectum. Or candles. I thought he was just fucking with my head just cuz we were drinking, but he was dead serious. He'd tell me that people would just use the weirdest things, if they were "insertable," just to be able to get off when they were bored of the "usual" way, and it was their job not to be judgmental about it.

Every time I met an ER type doc at a bar I'd ask them about the veracity of this and they say it more or less happens, comes with the territory. I'll give you guys some props, cuz I couldn't deal with that!

[Kris]

I don't have his card on me now, but a Japanese doctor friend of mine who practices at some place on the East Side would tell me some things whenever we met up for drinks and he'd show up in his scrubs sometimes, stressed out like hell. He would tell me shit like this one guy who showed up at the ER with the butt end of an umbrella stuck in his rectum. Or candles. I thought he was just fucking with my head just cuz we were drinking, but he was dead serious. He'd tell me that people would just use the weirdest things, if they were "insertable," just to be able to get off when they were bored of the "usual" way, and it was their job not to be judgmental about it.

Every time I met an ER type doc at a bar I'd ask them about the veracity of this and they say it more or less happens, comes with the territory. I'll give you guys some props, cuz I couldn't deal with that!

i've just begun working at a hospital and i'll be sure to keep an eye out for something like that. might take some pictures
and post up for laughs :biggrin:

[A.R.A.M.]

i've just begun working at a hospital and i'll be sure to keep an eye out for something like that. might take some pictures
and post up for laughs :biggrin:

Some x-rays:

http://www.well.com/user/cynsa/newbutt.html#figs

Some excuses used by the patients:

"I slipped in the shower and fell on the shampoo bottle."
"After taking a shower, I sat down naked without realizing that there was a screwdriver on the chair and it just went up my ass"

[ChaCha]

no.

lol @ people who prefer masturbation over sex making love to your partner is like making love to a hippo in more than one way.

[Fireblade]

no.

lol @ people who prefer masturbation over sex making love to your partner is like making love to a hippo in more than one way.

Wow. With looks like yours, we probably would.

[ChaCha]

where's your mug? your ava is so bleeded out I cant make anything out. I guess it's for my own good.
sorry if my comment offended you, a lot of desperate males do lose their virginity to overweight women.

[tommyhtown]

I love foreplay so sex over masturbation for me. I tried to foreplay myself but it just didn't work. I mean whip cream on my nipples just ain't the same as on the women's.

[Commando_turned_MD]

I've never used any toys, but my g/f has. She has the typical stuff that all females have in their nightstand. The big pink dildo, vibrator, Astro glide....

I prefer the old fashion method...Cetaphil lotion and my right hand (sometimes left)...

So what is your preference?

[TB4000]

:eek: It burns!

Haven't had any used on myself, but have used the old standby dildo on a partner.

[ism]

Self-lubrication's all I need.

[nola]

My fingers are all I need.

:biggrin: :biggrin:

:tongue: :tongue:

[asvenus]

My fingers are all I need.

:biggrin: :biggrin:

:tongue: :tongue:

HAHAHAHAHAHA!! you go girl...the oldest simplest methods are always the best :wink:
what the hell is a sleeve and a astroglide?? damn commando i want your g/fs nitestand :biggrin:

[nola]

A sleeve is for similating a lady. Astroglide is for anal.

[moJo]

i thought a sleeve was for guys going solo?
astroglide is just a brand of lubrication, isn't it?

[asvenus]

A sleeve is for similating a lady. Astroglide is for anal.


okaaaayyyy :eek: ...i been outta the game way too long...i never understood women who masturbate anally..but whatever grabs ya..

[nola]

The sleeve is a simulation of a vagina for a man. Astroglide is for a man penetrating an anus.

[pikachupacabra]

The sleeve is a simulation of a vagina for a man. Astroglide is for a man penetrating an anus.

I thought astro could be used for vaginal as well? :confused: I've used it like so and haven't had any problems...it maintains it's consistency better than say, KY over the long term.

[A.R.A.M.]

Anal beads, heavy on the astroglide. Oh yeah.

[YuheiCarreau]

Funny how women have so many options available to them when they masturbate, and yet for most men there's just "the other hand"

[Irezumi Kiss]

Funny how women have so many options available to them when they masturbate, and yet for most men there's just "the other hand"
A lot of those female-marketed toys are actually "unisex"....if you use your practical-sided imagination...and a non-judgmental spotting partner! :wink:

[Commando_turned_MD]

My fingers are all I need.

:biggrin: :biggrin:

:tongue: :tongue:


Frisky Fingers :biggrin:

[ism]

Astroglide is a water-based lubricant and can be used to make sex comfortable when there's vaginal dryness. Since it's water-based it won't damage condoms but it won't last all that long for anal. I prefer Wet Platinum, silicone-based, but safe for use with condoms, and it stays slick underwater. Only negative is that it will damage silicone toys.

In that case, the water-based lubes I suggest are Liquid Silk, or it thicker variant Maximus. Maximus is great for anal play. Both are non-tacky and smooth.

Be careful with anal beads; make sure there is no way it can get lost inside. I recommend all anal toys have a flared base. You really don't want to have to go to the ER.

[kitty]

Be careful with anal beads; make sure there is no way it can get lost inside. I recommend all anal toys have a flared base. You really don't want to have to go to the ER.

or a string. mine has a string :)

[sOKaLiBoY]

or a string. mine has a string :)


pray that the string never breaks. that would be one interesting trip to the ER if it did :eek:

[DragonKnight]

Funny how women have so many options available to them when they masturbate, and yet for most men there's just "the other hand"
Knowing us guys, we'll probably break toys.

[Meki]

Knowing us guys, we'll probably break toys.



:eek: :eek: So... if you can break those then... what about a gir... girl?

:tongue:

[Napoleon Chynamite]

A sleeve is for similating a lady. Astroglide is for anal.

I guess this is one of those threads where we see Alicia's knowledge extend past the women's rights realm... :eek: :confused: :biggrin:

[DragonKnight]

:eek: :eek: So... if you can break those then... what about a gir... girl?

:tongue:
Girls have ways of letting you know when she's tired and/or she's ready to break...unlike toys. A good slap across the face for example.

[YuheiCarreau]

Knowing us guys, we'll probably break toys.

I just think it's funny... The average bachelor has a living room with a big screen TV, massive stereo, game systems, computers, etc. and about 9 remotes to control everything. In the nightstand drawer? Just some lotion and a box of kleenex. You'd think that since men have such a predilection towards technology, we would have more options on the sex-toy front.

[A.R.A.M.]

:eek: :eek: So... if you can break those then... what about a gir... girl?

:tongue:

This may be in the realm of myth and legend, but my friend met some girl on one of those internet dating sites. When it came time to do the deed, she asked him to be gentle because her last session with her previous boyfriend resulted in her visiting the emergency room due to a ruptured vagina.

[Irezumi Kiss]

This may be in the realm of myth and legend, but my friend met some girl on one of those internet dating sites. When it came time to do the deed, she asked him to be gentle because her last session with her previous boyfriend resulted in her visiting the emergency room due to a ruptured vagina.
Ouch! Just her SAYING something that would totally kill the mood...

[Commando_turned_MD]

I just think it's funny... The average bachelor has a living room with a big screen TV, massive stereo, game systems, computers, etc. and about 9 remotes to control everything. In the nightstand drawer? Just some lotion and a box of kleenex. You'd think that since men have such a predilection towards technology, we would have more options on the sex-toy front.

Nicely put.

[kitty]

pray that the string never breaks. that would be one interesting trip to the ER if it did :eek:

well, it's a plastic stringy thing. it's like a string of beads all in moulded plastic, and an extra length of string and a smaller bead at the end. it's not intended to go in past the start of the extra bit of string :)you'd probably have a hard timd getting it any further in anyways....

[YuheiCarreau]

This may be in the realm of myth and legend, but my friend met some girl on one of those internet dating sites. When it came time to do the deed, she asked him to be gentle because her last session with her previous boyfriend resulted in her visiting the emergency room due to a ruptured vagina.

Can a woman even recover from something like that?I mean, when you get a hernia, that never really heals, right?

[nola]

Ima freak!

[Commando_turned_MD]

I need porn to masturbate. When I masturbate at school (bathroom stall), I have my PDA with several porn clips to help me "get off". I've tried masturbating without porn, but it didnt work. I was flogging the dolphin for about 25 minutes and nothing happen. My right arm became fatigue, so I switch to the left. I went at it for another 10 minutes...nothing happen. At that point I gave up.

So can you guys and gals masturbate without porn?

[VV o n g B a]

too much information. i don't need to know who on this forum can masturbate w/ or w/o porn in a bathroom stall at school. i'm also happy to not want to think about what the previous occupier of a bathroom stall was doing in addition to shitting.

[Commando_turned_MD]

too much information. i don't need to know who on this forum can masturbate w/ or w/o porn in a bathroom stall at school. i'm also happy to not want to think about what the previous occupier of a bathroom stall was doing in addition to shitting.


I'm using the bathroom example to illustrate my point.
It can be in your home, car, etc.... :biggrin: .
I do most of my flogging at school (I'm horny at school). At home I have my G/F to satisfy my needs...

[nola]

Think about your girlfriend when you masturbate.

I think about my ex and it works every time.

[hooligan]

Everytime, I just open yw and read your threads.

[Faithless]

I think about my ex and it works every time.
There's something sort of odd about how thoughts of an "ex" can help that happen. :confused:

I mean, yeah, there's probably the sexyness, but then out comes the shittyness of their attitude and the circumstances that lead to the ex-factor. Then all would go limp for me. :rolleyes:

I would be more inclined to think a new relationship would cause more excitement.

[Commando_turned_MD]

Think about your girlfriend when you masturbate.

I think about my ex and it works every time.


I dont have a vivid imagination.
I have to see with my own eyes during the act.

[nola]

There's something sort of odd about how thoughts of an "ex" can help that happen. :confused:

I mean, yeah, there's probably the sexyness, but then out comes the shittyness of their attitude and the circumstances that lead to the ex-factor. Then all would go limp for me. :rolleyes:

I would be more inclined to think a new relationship would cause more excitement.We're still close friends.

[Faithless]

I dont have a vivid imagination.
I have to see with own eyes during the act.
Get a sexy pic of her. Just keep it out of "shooting range".

.
We're still close friends.
Okay. But even that would seem to bring more emotional pain than pleasure. But to each their own jollies.

[yuuteya]

yes. no problem at all..

[A.R.A.M.]

Can a woman even recover from something like that?I mean, when you get a hernia, that never really heals, right?

Could be why she was asking for my friend to be gentle, but I don't know. Any doctors here want to answer that?

[yoMAMA]

yes, "imaginations"......

;)

[Faithless]

The bigger question is --

Would yah masturbate if you could dream about hot, steamy sex on demand? :cool:

[BigLew]

Yes, I turn myself on.

[kimpossible]

I need porn to masturbate. When I masturbate at school (bathroom stall), I have my PDA with several porn clips to help me "get off".

I hope you have those protective films for your PDA.

[nola]

Get a sexy pic of her. Just keep it out of "shooting range".

.

Okay. But even that would seem to bring more emotional pain than pleasure. But to each their own jollies.Or look at her picture and let your imagination go wild.

My close friend is hot and gorgeous.

[missmeow]

Anytime, anyplace.

[hooligan]

I hope you have those protective films for your PDA.

You must be some place in the UCLA med center huh? I'm never going to touch anything in there ever again.

[kimpossible]

Whatever. As long as he never works in food service. I don't want his secret sauce.

[Tao]

damn, commando's like the 30 year old version of hiroshi. how horny do you have to be, to have to jerk off mid day, and still have sex at night?

you would think the sex would be enough

[nola]

Stressful careers or lives lead to more jerking off, sex, video games, whatever. Being in the military, training to be a doctor or being an angsty high school student do this. I once read that the job where people snoke the most is police because it's stressful. When my bro worked in the corporate world he'd come home and blow off steam by watching alot of violent TV and things like Fox News.

[deez nuts]

i don't masturbate anymore. i'm rationing my sauce.

when i need to blow off steam; i take it out on the newbies.

[TB4000]

I have, and do.

[nola]

Do you think about people you know or porn stars?

[Napoleon Chynamite]

I think...and this is just me speaking....that if you can't get off without porn, you probably watch way too much porn.

[TB4000]

I think...and this is just me speaking....that if you can't get off without porn, you probably watch way too much porn.
Too much porn?! Is it possible to put those three words together in a sentence? :o Haha, but it does have some merit.

[Napoleon Chynamite]

Too much porn?! Is it possible to put those three words together in a sentence? :o Haha, but it does have some merit.

Hey Terrence, who am I to pass judgment on your lifestyle. You're still my friend no matter what.

[TB4000]

Hey Terrence, who am I to pass judgment on your lifestyle. You're still my friend no matter what.
Thanks for insinuating I'm a porn addict. =P LOL

[Hiroshi2]

Yeah I can do that shit without porn. I can't look at a picture though..................I close my eyes when I do it, so it would do me no good.

[Commando_turned_MD]

I hope you have those protective films for your PDA.


I do not. It's only man-juice. If I get man-juice on the screen, I just wipe it off w/ shit paper. It's good as new! :biggrin:

damn, commando's like the 30 year old version of hiroshi. how horny do you have to be, to have to jerk off mid day, and still have sex at night?

you would think the sex would be enough


Girls in tight scrubs turn me on....
The scrubs conform to their ass and boobies......Instant boner.

Do you think about people you know or porn stars?


Porn stars and real people.
On my PDA, I have porn clips w/ audio....to set the mood. :biggrin:

[applehead]

how... sad.

damn, commando's like the 30 year old version of hiroshi. how horny do you have to be, to have to jerk off mid day, and still have sex at night?

you would think the sex would be enough

and not just jerking off, mind you.
but jerking off in a public bathroom stall
while looking at video clips of porn with
sound on your PDA.

[Commando_turned_MD]

You must be some place in the UCLA med center huh? I'm never going to touch anything in there ever again.

Dont worry, I wash my hands afterward.........when I'm not in a rush.. :biggrin:

how... sad.



and not just jerking off, mind you.
but jerking off in a public bathroom stall
while looking at video clips of porn with
sound on your PDA.


It's not like I spend hours in there...5-10 minutes max and I'm set for another 4 -6hours. There is no difference between taking a dump or whacking-off.

[applehead]

There is no difference between taking a dump or whacking-off.

really? :biggrin:

[deez nuts]

how... sad.



and not just jerking off, mind you.
but jerking off in a public bathroom stall
while looking at video clips of porn with
sound on your PDA.


that's pimp.

[Commando_turned_MD]

really? :biggrin:

I'm sitting on the can :biggrin:
Number 1 or Number 2.

[applehead]

that's pimp.

really?
it seems kinda pathetic to me.
he reminds me of a sexually suppressed
dirty pervert that's too much of a loser
to get the real thing.

no offense army commando whatver.
that's just the image i get from your
bathroom stall story.

I'm sitting on the can :biggrin:
Number 1 or Number 2.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW.
i was all joking and stuff but...

you jerk off sitting ON the toilet?
fuckin gross. dude. i hope
you freakin wipe the inside of the door.

[deez nuts]

really?
it seems kinda pathetic to me.
he reminds me of a sexually suppressed
dirty pervert that's too much of a loser
to get the real thing.

no offense army commando whatver.
that's just the image i get from your
bathroom stall story.



EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW.
i was all joking and stuff but...

you jerk off sitting ON the toilet?
fuckin gross. dude. i hope
you freakin wipe the inside of the door.


that's cuz you're a chick.

it's fucking genius in my book.

[Commando_turned_MD]

really?
it seems kinda pathetic to me.
he reminds me of a sexually suppressed
dirty pervert that's too much of a loser
to get the real thing.

no offense army commando whatver.
that's just the image i get from your
bathroom stall story.

I'm just horny all the time.
The only time (98%) I masturbate is at school.
When I go home, I make love to my g/f.

The only time I dont masturbate during school is when my g/f stops by..We just do it in my car or her car.

I need to have two orgasms a day to function.
It's the rigors of academia that is getting to me. :biggrin:

[YuheiCarreau]

I just hope Commando's PDA doesn't have wireless internet. 'Cause then it'll only be a matter of time before he gets the idea to multitask, and post-whore while he's taking a dump / jerking off / shaving his ass-hair...

[Bhodi_Li]

Do you think about people you know or porn stars?Both!

[deez nuts]

nothin beats the feeling of wacking one off and taking the browns to the superbowl at the same time.

[nola]

I just hope Commando's PDA doesn't have wireless internet. 'Cause then it'll only be a matter of time before he gets the idea to multitask, and post-whore while he's taking a dump / jerking off / shaving his ass-hair...For reals.

[asvenus]

this post is disgusting...after reading it the urge to selfpleasure has been completely erased and i doubt it will be ressurected with the aid of porn or not...

well until i erase the phrase of 'taking the browns to the superbowl permanently...

[Bhodi_Li]

this post is disgusting...after reading it the urge to selfpleasure has been completely erased and i doubt it will be ressurected with the aid of porn or not...

well until i erase the phrase of 'taking the browns to the superbowl permanently...I don't think my urge to self-pleasure can ever be completely erased. Reduced, yes, delayed, at times, but erased to the point of extinction, no way!

Although the "browns to the superbowl" is a pretty powerful statement......

[deez nuts]

anytime the browns make it to the superbowl is cause for "celebration."

[Irezumi Kiss]

how... sad.

and not just jerking off, mind you.
but jerking off in a public bathroom stall
while looking at video clips of porn with
sound on your PDA.
In Commando's defense, I'm assuming he has his super-bass hi-fi Sony earphones on during the whole thing! Hell, I know when I'm in the stall getting closer to nature and some mofo comes in and starts using his cellphone while dropping off a few in the one next to me...eeeeccchh...how can you do that stuff? At the most, I MIGHT text message you something, but sheeeit...

Commando, I suggest reading some erotic literature to exercise your imagination a bit. Ain't nothing wrong with whackin' or friggin' to porn, but the only danger in total reliance on that stuff is that you're giving someone else's one-note interpretation of sex free rent space in your mind. It's only one facet of a whole and even you might be missing out on some much more vibrant stuff to sink your teeth into. Jenna Jameson, bless her smutty soul, ain't the first and last word out there!

I mean, it's convenient to have those slick, high-tech multi-purpose PDAs and it's cool to use 'em for subversive reasons beyond the manufacturer's original purpose and all that...but isn't masturbation supposed to be SIMPLE to do for a person? If you really have to work that hard at it...what happens when the batteries run out?

[A.R.A.M.]

damn, commando's like the 30 year old version of hiroshi. how horny do you have to be, to have to jerk off mid day, and still have sex at night?

you would think the sex would be enough

I know where Commando's coming from. Sometimes the more sex you have, the more you think about sex. And the more you think about sex, the more you feel the need to spank the monkey.

well until i erase the phrase of 'taking the browns to the superbowl permanently...

Perhaps "dropping the kids off at the pool" would be more acceptable for you?

[Commando_turned_MD]

Jenna Jameson, bless her smutty soul, ain't the first and last word out there!

I mean, it's convenient to have those slick, high-tech multi-purpose PDAs and it's cool to use 'em for subversive reasons beyond the manufacturer's original purpose and all that...but isn't masturbation supposed to be SIMPLE to do for a person? If you really have to work that hard at it...what happens when the batteries run out?

Without Jenna, this would not possible. Thanks Jenna!
It was simple a long time ago(teen years and early twenties)....but now I need something visually simulating to get off.
My PDA is always charged. When I'm at the library, it's plugged in. So I will always have a full charge. It's going to be the same PDA that I will use during clinical, i.e., cross-referencing drugs, patient info..etc..etc..

really? :biggrin:


When you need to pee, you go to the restroom. Waiting is bad..

When you need to lose a few pounds, you go sit on the can. Waiting is bad.

When you feel horny, you you go whack-off. Waiting is bad.
I cant concentrate w/ an erection...

Furthermore, I need to get rid of the erection for safety reasons. I can't be walking around with a hugh erection..I might knock things over or poke my classmates, friends, instructors, etc..etc...

really?
it seems kinda pathetic to me.
he reminds me of a sexually suppressed
dirty pervert that's too much of a loser
to get the real thing.

no offense army commando whatver.
that's just the image i get from your
bathroom stall story.



EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW.
i was all joking and stuff but...

you jerk off sitting ON the toilet?
fuckin gross. dude. i hope
you freakin wipe the inside of the door.


I dont have to wipe the inside of the door. That's why they have janitors/housekeeping.

[achtungbaby]

Merged commando's various threads on masturbation

[pikachupacabra]

Wow, porn on PDAs, what will they think of next. Ohh. Cell phone porn! There must be a market for that out there somewhere...unless it already exists.

"honey? Why do you sound so distracted? Are you lifting something heavy??"

[Faithless]

i don't masturbate anymore. i'm rationing my sauce.

when i need to blow off steam; i take it out on the newbies.
You take out wha??? Their sauce? :eek: :frown:

Anyways -- High court backs Alabama's ban on sex toys (http://www.suntimes.com/output/news/cst-nws-toy23.html)

The spatula is safe, I understand (just wash it before cooking, again). As well as those back massagers, which curiously have the the two knobs spaced about a poo-poo and pee-pee hole apart.

February 23, 2005

WASHINGTON -- The Supreme Court declined Tuesday to review the constitutionality of a state law banning the sale of sex toys, rejecting an appeal that said consumers have a right to sexual privacy.

Without comment, justices let stand a lower court ruling that said Alabama had a right to police the sale of devices that can be sexually stimulating.

The American Civil Liberties Union filed the challenge on behalf of merchants and users seeking to overturn the 1998 state law. They say the Supreme Court's 2003 ruling in Lawrence v. Texas, which decriminalized gay sex on privacy grounds, protects sex toy users from unwarranted state intrusion in their homes.

A three-judge panel of the 11th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals disagreed. It said in a ruling last July that siding with the sex toy merchants could open the door to the legalization of behavior such as prostitution. AP.

[Hiroshi2]

Yeah, that's pretty dumb.


It ain't like there's anything else to do in this state besides fuck somebody. Or shoot somebody, depending on your mood today.

[Faithless]

Yeah, that's pretty dumb.

It ain't like there's anything else to do in this state besides fuck somebody. Or shoot somebody, depending on your mood today.
So, how do you outlaw the index and middle finger?

[Faithless]

Porn Industry Stoops to New Low (http://headlines.agapepress.org/archive/2/282006f.asp)

By James L. Lambert | February 28, 2006

CAUTION: The following story contains descriptions that some may find offensive

(AgapePress) - In what is further evidence of the porn industry's disdain of Christianity, an Internet-based sex toy company has begun selling items modeled after religious icons.

Web-based Divine Productions goes out of its way to promote products that clearly offend and mock Christianity and the Catholic Church. Through its website, the company is offering sex toys like a "baby Jesus b--- plug," a "jackhammer Jesus," and a "diving nun."

Gene McConnell is director of Authentic Relationships International, an organization that reaches out to men and women who are struggling with addiction to pornography. "It is clear that [porn] providers like this have to expose their customers to more destructive ideas to get their customers to come back for more," he says.

The distributor sells its products by using religious imagery and terminology to make fun of biblical characters, among them Jesus, the Virgin Mary, Judas, and Moses. Company advertising employs slogans such as: "Let Judas make a martyr out of you"; "help Moses part the ---- sea"; or "find out what it means to be truly touched by God" by using "God's immaculate --- ."

McConnell believes Divine Productions "is using sex to communicate hate to the religious community."

Nationally, the handful of organizations that regularly battle the porn industry and its message of obscenity -- groups like Focus on the Family, Concerned Women for America, American Family Association, National Coalition for the Protection of Children & Families, Alliance Defense Fund, and Citizens for Community Values -- are, for the most part, religious-based or have close ties to the Christian faith community. Rev. Jerry Falwell, founder of Liberty University and senior pastor of Thomas Road Baptist Church (Lynchburg, VA) -- and a friend to many of the leaders of these groups -- says ridicule of the Church "is something that has happened since the time of Christ."

"When our beliefs are ridiculed," says Falwell, "Christians are admonished in the Bible to pray for our enemies instead of burning building and killing people." The well-known evangelist was referring to the worldwide protests by Muslim extremists over the comic character of Mohammed in a Denmark newspaper.

Syndicated radio talk-show host Paul McGuire says "it is amazing to the me that major media groups do not see this as a frontal assault on Christianity." And like Falwell, the Crawford Broadcasting host does not suggest any type of retaliation by believers. "However bad as it is, as Christians our response should be one of love [to these pornographers] -- and also one of forgiveness."

[Fireblade]

^-- For some reason, I keep on thinking about that one scene in Excorist where the girl is slamming the cross into her "hoo-has", while screaming "Fuck Me Jesus! Fuck Me!"

And because I'm a sick twisted fuck, I laughed at this scene. Didn't disturb me one bit.

[Faithless]

^-- For some reason, I keep on thinking about that one scene in Excorist where the girl is slamming the cross into her "hoo-has", while screaming "Fuck Me Jesus! Fuck Me!"

And because I'm a sick twisted fuck, I laughed at this scene. Didn't disturb me one bit.
Well, okay -- as long as it didn't give you a hardon. :frown:

[eos]

ummm...i think i kinda laughed too. but it was nervous laughter, like omg-this-is-disturbing chuckle.

[Fireblade]

Well, okay -- as long as it didn't give you a hardon. :frown:

Ok, I'm sick and screwed up in the head who should probably seek professional help....


but I'm not THAT SICK. :confused:

[Tao]

Ok, I'm sick and screwed up in the head who should probably seek professional help....


but I'm not THAT SICK. :confused:
hey who knows, you might have a green projectile vomit fetish

[Fireblade]

hey who knows, you might have a green projectile vomit fetish

only when it comes to drunk girls. :biggrin:

[eos]

that's just......sick and perverted.

[Hiroshi2]

gaaaaaaah.
you and your hairy ass.
her and her fishy vagina.
no wonder you prefer to masturbate.



ROFL!!!!!

[TB4000]

You just knew a thread focusing on choking the chicken and getting the stink finger would linger for eons.

[LaiSteve66]

I need porn to masturbate. When I masturbate at school (bathroom stall), I have my PDA with several porn clips to help me "get off". I've tried masturbating without porn, but it didnt work. I was flogging the dolphin for about 25 minutes and nothing happen. My right arm became fatigue, so I switch to the left. I went at it for another 10 minutes...nothing happen. At that point I gave up.

So can you guys and gals masturbate without porn?

You wank in a public place? lmao!

[Hiroshi2]

damn, commando's like the 30 year old version of hiroshi. how horny do you have to be, to have to jerk off mid day, and still have sex at night?

you would think the sex would be enough




Hey wait a minute...................don't compare me with him. I don't jack off in bathroom stalls or nothin crazy like that. I'm not THAT horny...............

But...................I could definitely see how you could jack off in the middle of the day and fuck that night................that's easy. I mean, more than anything, it'd be a stamina thing more so than a "am I horny enough?" thing.............believe me, bruh.............i see so many beautiful women every day here in college, it's ridiculous. A new one every day, and this school ain't even that big (6,000 students).


Just when I think I've seen a real dimepiece, a new one pops up, in class, on the way to class, posted up in front of the girl's dorms, or wherever................damn, it's some good looking girls on campus.


The baddest girl i've seen up here, was probably that very first week, I saw this girl on the Quad.................pretty face, big titties, hair all fixed and everything, but more than anything..................big, sexy dark cocoa brown hips and thighs bulging out of a pair of jeans shorter than the average pair of drawers..............what they used to call "daisy dukes" back in the day.............anyway.......she looked like she ran track or something, cause she had some really toned legs and thighs.................but anyway. I think I did jack off that day. I had to. I wanted to tear her ass up the moment I saw her...........


But yeah..............commando, you're horny as fuck, dude. Seriously. In the bathroom stall????

[Irezumi Kiss]

The baddest girl i've seen up here, was probably that very first week, I saw this girl on the Quad.................pretty face, big titties, hair all fixed and everything, but more than anything..................big, sexy dark cocoa brown hips and thighs bulging out of a pair of jeans shorter than the average pair of drawers..............what they used to call "daisy dukes" back in the day.............anyway.......she looked like she ran track or something, cause she had some really toned legs and thighs.................but anyway. I think I did jack off that day. I had to. I wanted to tear her ass up the moment I saw her...........
Sounds like Toccara. Holla at that if you have a chance, you never know!

[Hiroshi2]

She's darker than her, though.............I don't know, I'd like to think that I could step to any girl, but her................that's kind of intimidating. You could tell she's the kind of girl you'd have to come correct to..................weak ass game'll probably get my ass embarassed, lol.

[Faithless]

The focusonyourchild discussion of beating off.

The trick is to have that "masturbation madness" discussion before the kid hits puberty: We were riding in the car, and my dad said, “Jim, when I was a boy, I worried so much about masturbation. It really became a scary thing for me because I thought God was condemning me for what I couldn’t help. So I’m telling you now that I hope you don’t feel the need to engage in this act when you reach the teen years, but if you do, you shouldn’t be too concerned about it. I don’t believe it has much to do with your relationship with God.”

Challenges in the Teen Years -- Masturbation (Dr. Dobson Answers Your Questions) (http://www.focusonyourchild.com/develop/art1/A0000553.html)

Q. My 13-year-old son is in the full bloom of adolescence. I’m suspicious that he may be masturbating when he’s alone, but I don’t quite know how to approach him about it. Should I be concerned, and if so, what should I say to him?

A. I don’t think you should invade that private world at all unless there are unique circumstances that lead you to do so. I offer that advice while acknowledging that masturbation is a highly controversial subject and Christian leaders differ widely in their perspectives on it. I will answer your question but hope you understand that some Bible scholars and ministers will disagree emphatically with what I will say.

First, let’s consider masturbation from a medical perspective. We can say without fear of contradiction that there is no scientific evidence to indicate that this act is harmful to the body. Despite terrifying warnings given to young people historically, it does not cause blindness, weakness, mental retardation or any other physical problem. If it did, the entire male population and about half of females would be blind, weak, simpleminded and sick. Between 95 and 98 percent of all boys engage in this practice — and the rest have been known to lie. It is as close to being a universal behavior as is likely to occur. A lesser but still significant percentage of girls also engage in what was once called “self-gratification,” or worse, “self-abuse.”

As for the emotional consequences of masturbation, only four circumstances should give us cause for concern. The first is when it is associated with oppressive guilt from which the individual can’t escape. That guilt has the potential to do considerable psychological and spiritual damage. Boys and girls who labor under divine condemnation can gradually become convinced that even God couldn’t love them. They promise a thousand times with great sincerity never again to commit this “despicable” act. Then a week or two passes, or perhaps several months.

Eventually, the hormonal pressure accumulates until nearly every waking moment reverberates with sexual desire. Finally, in a moment (and I do mean a moment) of weakness, it happens again. What then, dear friend? Tell me what a young person says to God after he or she has just broken the one thousandth solemn promise to Him? I am convinced that some teenagers have thrown over their faith because of their inability to please God on this point.

The second circumstance in which masturbation might have harmful implications is when it becomes extremely obsessive. That is more likely to occur when it has been understood by the individual to be “forbidden fruit.” I believe the best way to prevent that kind of obsessive response is for adults not to emphasize or condemn it. Regardless of what you do, you will not stop the practice of masturbation in your teenagers. That is a certainty. You’ll just drive it underground — or under covers. Nothing works as a “cure.” Cold showers, lots of exercise, many activities and awesome threats are ineffective. Attempting to suppress this act is one campaign that is destined to fail — so why wage it?

The third situation around which we should be concerned is when the young person becomes addicted to pornographic material. The kind of obscenity available to teenagers today has the capacity to grab and hold a boy for the rest of his life. Parents will want to intervene if there is evidence that their son or daughter is heading down that well-worn path. I will discuss that danger in a subsequent chapter.

The fourth concern about masturbation refers not to adolescents but to us as adults. This habit has the capacity to follow us into marriage and become a substitution for healthy sexual relations between a husband and wife. This, I believe, is what the apostle Paul meant when he instructed us not to deprive or “defraud” one another as marital partners. The apostle Paul wrote, “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7:5).

As for the spiritual implications of masturbation, I will have to defer to the theologians for a more definitive response. It is interesting to me, however, that Scripture does not address this subject except for a single reference in the Old Testament to a man named Onan. He interrupted sexual intercourse with his sister-in-law and allowed his semen to fall on the ground to keep from producing offspring for his brother, which was his “duty” (Genesis 38:8-9). Although that verse is often cited as evidence of God’s disapproval of masturbation, the context doesn’t seem to fit.

What should you as a father say to your 13-year-old son about this subject? My advice is to say nothing after puberty has occurred. You will only cause embarrassment and discomfort. For those who are younger, it would be wise to include the subject of masturbation in the “Preparing for Adolescence” conversation I have recommended on other occasions. I would suggest that parents talk to their 12- or 13-year-old boys, especially, in the same general way my mother and father discussed this subject with me.

We were riding in the car, and my dad said, “Jim, when I was a boy, I worried so much about masturbation. It really became a scary thing for me because I thought God was condemning me for what I couldn’t help. So I’m telling you now that I hope you don’t feel the need to engage in this act when you reach the teen years, but if you do, you shouldn’t be too concerned about it. I don’t believe it has much to do with your relationship with God.”

What a compassionate thing my father did for me that night in the car. He was a very conservative minister who never compromised his standards of morality to the day of his death. He stood like a rock for biblical principles and commandments. Yet he cared enough about me to lift from my shoulders the burden of guilt that nearly destroyed some of my friends in the church. This kind of “reasonable” faith taught to me by my parents is one of the primary reasons I never felt it necessary to rebel against parental authority or defy God.

Those are my views, for what they are worth. I know my recommendations will be inflammatory to some people. If you are one of them, please forgive me. I can only offer the best advice of which I’m capable. I pray that in this instance I am right.

— Dr. James Dobson