sOKaLiBoY
01-27-2005, 03:09 PM
MAJORITY OF KIDS NOT ADVANCED FOR THEIR AGE
Posted on Dec 21, 2004, 07:56
WASHINGTON, D.C. – No Kids Inc., a non-profit organization representing everyone in the US who doesn't have children, announced late today that the majority of American kids are neither "brilliant" nor "advanced for their age," despite what their parents may think.
According to a recent survey, a full 92% of parents think their children are "geniuses," because they can count to five, remember songs, build structures with blocks, and understand the humor of simple poop jokes at the age of three. Often, such parents will point out their kids' displays of superior intelligence, while exclaiming "He's only three! Can you believe it?"
However, the survey also shows that the majority (89%) of American three-year-olds can perform any and all of these tasks. Further, 99% of three-year-olds who can perform these tasks have average to below-average IQs. This – the high percentage of mediocre-to-stupid US children – has shocked many parental organizations around the country.
Brad Melman, No Kids Inc. spokesperson, explained that the survey will help reduce parental bragging – a major problem – as parents will examine the scientifically-proven facts and finally accept that their children are probably idiots. "Parents need to cope with their kids being dumb," says Melman. "Once they do, they'll stop boring everybody with all the minute-by-minute details of their kids' lives. They'll be so ashamed of their offspring, they'll shut up. It's going to take time, but ultimately, it'll happen."
But outraged parent groups are fighting back with statistics of their own. They report that 96% of parents who heard the results of the survey thought their children were within the small minority (1%) of kids who weren't average or stupid.
Joan Hawthorne, director of Parent's Pride Org. and creator of the "My kid is an honor student at X High School" bumper sticker, felt the new statistic was important. She denied that it would only help parents saddle their children with a skewed view of their actual abilities and an inexplicable sense of entitlement. "Our kids are so incredible," she said. "We'll never stop believing that, because we think they're the best!"
"They aren't the best," said Melman in response, pointing over and over again to the statistics contained in his Power Point presentation. "We've proven that. What the hell else can we do? "
Posted on Dec 21, 2004, 07:56
WASHINGTON, D.C. – No Kids Inc., a non-profit organization representing everyone in the US who doesn't have children, announced late today that the majority of American kids are neither "brilliant" nor "advanced for their age," despite what their parents may think.
According to a recent survey, a full 92% of parents think their children are "geniuses," because they can count to five, remember songs, build structures with blocks, and understand the humor of simple poop jokes at the age of three. Often, such parents will point out their kids' displays of superior intelligence, while exclaiming "He's only three! Can you believe it?"
However, the survey also shows that the majority (89%) of American three-year-olds can perform any and all of these tasks. Further, 99% of three-year-olds who can perform these tasks have average to below-average IQs. This – the high percentage of mediocre-to-stupid US children – has shocked many parental organizations around the country.
Brad Melman, No Kids Inc. spokesperson, explained that the survey will help reduce parental bragging – a major problem – as parents will examine the scientifically-proven facts and finally accept that their children are probably idiots. "Parents need to cope with their kids being dumb," says Melman. "Once they do, they'll stop boring everybody with all the minute-by-minute details of their kids' lives. They'll be so ashamed of their offspring, they'll shut up. It's going to take time, but ultimately, it'll happen."
But outraged parent groups are fighting back with statistics of their own. They report that 96% of parents who heard the results of the survey thought their children were within the small minority (1%) of kids who weren't average or stupid.
Joan Hawthorne, director of Parent's Pride Org. and creator of the "My kid is an honor student at X High School" bumper sticker, felt the new statistic was important. She denied that it would only help parents saddle their children with a skewed view of their actual abilities and an inexplicable sense of entitlement. "Our kids are so incredible," she said. "We'll never stop believing that, because we think they're the best!"
"They aren't the best," said Melman in response, pointing over and over again to the statistics contained in his Power Point presentation. "We've proven that. What the hell else can we do? "