Would you want your (future) wife to stay at home?

[SunWuKong]

if you get married, would you prefer that your wife to stay at home and be a house wife?

[johnny]

If we end up having kids, YES definitely. I want my kids to get the fullest attention and love from mom - I am not very good at parenting so she will have to be the better parent(I say this because I know myself). I like babies but I hate kids, especially age 6-12.

WHat bout you?



<!--EDIT|johnny|Sep 27 2002, 04:31 PM-->

[Craig]

I would prefer that she works and is a more independent woman. What if something were to ever happen to me, like getting killed in a car accident ? Also, there's a certain amount of BS she'd have to deal with in the outside world. Therefore she'd be less likely to be harsh and unrealistical toward me.

Anyway, I think it would be boring just to stay at home all day and not really the best example for the kids. I'm not really interested in getting somebody to cook and clean for me, since I can do that anyways.

[Arex]

If I was making enough money where we could both still live comfortably, and that was what she wanted to do, then I suppose I'd be okay with that. I definitely wouldn't prefer or mandate that she stayed at home though.

On the other hand, I've always wanted to be a house husband so...

Alex

[deez nuts]

I want her to do what she wants to do. Whether, it be housewife or career woman.

[Ayers]

Either me or her for at least some period of time (baby -> adolescent?). And if she's bringing home the dough, I don't mind staying at home

edit: oops, guess I jumped the gun. If kids weren't in the picture then I'd be happy to support my wife in whatever she wants to do...



<!--EDIT|Ayers|Sep 27 2002, 03:26 PM-->

[SunWuKong]

ok, i guess this question would probably have brought on more detailed discussion if raised in the early 80s. :P

so how about kids? if you had a kid would you want the wifey to stay home and take care of him/her?

[Saiko]

If my husband would expect me to stay home all the time and be pure housewife, I'm gonna rip his balls off, reattach them, rip them off again, and feed them to him.

[Arex]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Sep 27 2002, 04:23 PM
so how about kids? if you had a kid would you want the wifey to stay home and take care of him/her?
I would actually like an opportunity to stay at home with the kids, if possible. I don't see why only the wifey should get to see the kids grow up.


Alex

[wylin]

Originally posted by Saiko@Sep 27 2002, 03:49 PM
If my husband would expect me to stay home all the time and be pure housewife, I'm gonna rip his balls off, reattach them, rip them off again, and feed them to him.

thank goD we wont be marry you saiko

just leave it up to my woman she can decide for herself what she wants.



<!--EDIT|wylin|Sep 30 2002, 12:31 PM-->

[tapestrybabe]

well, the thing with me... i dont see myself being happy as just being a housewife... staying home to raise the kids... well, maybe in the beginning.. when they are a baby.. but not as a permanent thing... cuz to me, money is an important issue.. it gives me a sense of independance... i would like to be able to earn my own money that i can call my own... without having to depend soley on the man for his income...

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by tapestrybabe@Oct 1 2002, 07:51 AM
well, the thing with me... i dont see myself being happy as just being a housewife... staying home to raise the kids... well, maybe in the beginning.. when they are a baby.. but not as a permanent thing... cuz to me, money is an important issue.. it gives me a sense of independance... i would like to be able to earn my own money that i can call my own... without having to depend soley on the man for his income...
i'm all for the woman doing what she wants (and if she asked for my opinion, i'd tell her to go and have a career), but i think by the time you get married, you don't really think so much of whose money it is. it sort of just becomes "our" money. you know what i'm saying? or maybe that's just me... i don't know.

[Craig]

I don't really think having both spouses working is just an issue of money (although it's a nice consideration when applying to buy the house). I find it also an issue of dependence. I really wouldn't want to marry somebody that couldn't take care of themselves. I also question whether or not I would be able to get along with a person that only wanted to be a housewife. Realistically, when the kids are away at school, they may be gone from 8-4 something (at least). Does it really take 8 hours a day to clean the house, etc. ? Can't both the husband and wife share in the housework ? If she was there for the kids, she'd get to see them maybe and extra 2-3 hours a day ? I would be more than happy if she was doing somethings productive for a few years, like getting graduate degrees or running a home business. However, I think I would have serious problems if she was just sitting behind the TV, exploring her shopping habit (without knowing the value of the money), gossiping, etc.

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by Craig@Oct 1 2002, 12:47 PM
I don't really think having both spouses working is just an issue of money (although it's a nice consideration when applying to buy the house). I find it also an issue of dependence. I really wouldn't want to marry somebody that couldn't take care of themselves. I also question whether or not I would be able to get along with a person that only wanted to be a housewife. Realistically, when the kids are away at school, they may be gone from 8-4 something (at least). Does it really take 8 hours a day to clean the house, etc. ? Can't both the husband and wife share in the housework ? If she was there for the kids, she'd get to see them maybe and extra 2-3 hours a day ? I would be more than happy if she was doing somethings productive for a few years, like getting graduate degrees or running a home business. However, I think I would have serious problems if she was just sitting behind the TV, exploring her shopping habit (without knowing the value of the money), gossiping, etc.
hmmm... i think you are underestimating the work of a housewife. :)

and yes if you have kids i fully think that it's a fulltime job.

[tapestrybabe]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Oct 1 2002, 11:58 AM
Originally posted by tapestrybabe@Oct 1 2002, 07:51 AM
well, the thing with me... i dont see myself being happy as just being a housewife... staying home to raise the kids... &nbsp;well, maybe in the beginning.. when they are a baby.. but not as a permanent thing... cuz to me, money is an important issue.. it gives me a sense of independance... i would like to be able to earn my own money that i can call my own... without having to depend soley on the man for his income...
i'm all for the woman doing what she wants (and if she asked for my opinion, i'd tell her to go and have a career), but i think by the time you get married, you don't really think so much of whose money it is. it sort of just becomes "our" money. you know what i'm saying? or maybe that's just me... i don't know.
Naaah... the concept.. that its 'our' money doesnt jive with me... i would actually feel that its his money, that he's earning... in which he's just sharing with me... and me, i would prefer to feel my financial independance... rather than having to depend solely on my spouse for his money if i wanted to go shopping for what i wanted... and visa versa.. i dont like the idea of having to share ALL of my money with another person... and calling it 'our' money that i happen to earn...

[Arex]

TapestryBabe: Well, what of the scenario of the sole-bread winner that's largely dependent upon his/her wife/husband to tend to the domestic responsibilities? It goes both ways, folks.

Just 'cause a person doesn't get paid to take on his or her responsibilities doesn't mean those responsibilities are not without value. That's why I don't view "community property" in California as inherently unfair. I assume that in every relationship, each party contributes in some way to the unit, and ideally that contribution is viewed as more or less equal from the perspective of the parties involved, otherwise the people wouldn't be in the relationship to begin with.

If I'm working and, meanwhile, my wife is staying at home, tending to the kids, the money I bring home and put in our joint bank account isn't money that I'm sharing with her, it's money that we've both earned as I certainly couldn't have made that same amount of money if I had to take care of the kids in addition to working. In terms of "dependence," I'm just as dependent upon her taking care of the kids to afford me the freedom to hold a job as she is dependent upon me bringing home a paycheck to take care of the kids.


Alex



<!--EDIT|Arex|Oct 1 2002, 08:28 PM-->

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by tapestrybabe@Oct 1 2002, 09:57 PM
Originally posted by SunWuKung@Oct 1 2002, 11:58 AM
Originally posted by tapestrybabe@Oct 1 2002, 07:51 AM
well, the thing with me... i dont see myself being happy as just being a housewife... staying home to raise the kids... well, maybe in the beginning.. when they are a baby.. but not as a permanent thing... cuz to me, money is an important issue.. it gives me a sense of independance... i would like to be able to earn my own money that i can call my own... without having to depend soley on the man for his income...
i'm all for the woman doing what she wants (and if she asked for my opinion, i'd tell her to go and have a career), but i think by the time you get married, you don't really think so much of whose money it is. it sort of just becomes "our" money. you know what i'm saying? or maybe that's just me... i don't know.
Naaah... the concept.. that its 'our' money doesnt jive with me... i would actually feel that its his money, that he's earning... in which he's just sharing with me... and me, i would prefer to feel my financial independance... rather than having to depend solely on my spouse for his money if i wanted to go shopping for what i wanted... and visa versa.. i dont like the idea of having to share ALL of my money with another person... and calling it 'our' money that i happen to earn...
well, certainly i don't understand a woman's point of view about shared money. but i wasn't really saying that women should think of the money as "our" money to convince them to stay home. i would think that way even if we both have careers - and that is something i prefer.

but i don't know... at some point in a relationship when it no longer matters who's paying for what, the question of whose money it actually is becomes really blurred and inconsequential. that's what i mean when it becomes "our" money.

[tapestrybabe]

Originally posted by Arex@Oct 1 2002, 10:25 PM
TapestryBabe: Well, what of the scenario of the sole-bread winner that's largely dependent upon his/her wife/husband to tend to the domestic responsibilities? &nbsp;It goes both ways, folks.


NO!! Maybe this is how you would like to operate... but NOT me!! Me, i NEVER want to depend soley on a man for his income. And really... lets say if i did stay home... i dont want to feel like his money is some kinda hand out and reward for my domestic responsibilities... For me, money defines my independance.... I like the thoughts of making MY OWN money.. MY OWN money that i have control over, and can save and spend it on whatever I please... and its not about being selfish... but its a matter of being able to stake my own claim... my own financial independance...



<!--EDIT|tapestrybabe|Oct 4 2002, 03:21 AM-->

[ChinaLama]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Oct 1 2002, 04:58 PM
Originally posted by tapestrybabe@Oct 1 2002, 07:51 AM
well, the thing with me... i dont see myself being happy as just being a housewife... staying home to raise the kids... &nbsp;well, maybe in the beginning.. when they are a baby.. but not as a permanent thing... cuz to me, money is an important issue.. it gives me a sense of independance... i would like to be able to earn my own money that i can call my own... without having to depend soley on the man for his income...
i'm all for the woman doing what she wants (and if she asked for my opinion, i'd tell her to go and have a career), but i think by the time you get married, you don't really think so much of whose money it is. it sort of just becomes "our" money. you know what i'm saying? or maybe that's just me... i don't know.
Call me really old-fashioned patriarchical Chinese or whatever, but I agree w/ SWK. Partly because this is how MY family idealizes things, but I feel everything in a family is shared. There's no real you or me anymore, except when it comes to personal items (like sorry my toothbrush is MY toothbrush) and some personal space. But although I respect TB's opinion about her independence, I believe it's also the foreground to being really territorial and kinda ending up in an unhappy too individualistic marriage like one of the scenarios in the Joy Luck Club (like where they even split it to who buys the ice cream, etc)

BTW how come no one's talking about a house husband or anything? Does no one find it enticing that the wife would actually be willing to bring in the dough and let the HUSBAND stay home? I mean I can't cook or clean or whatever, but it may be kinda nice to not have to worry about work and stuff, and stay home at least some of the time. That's UNTIL she gives birth. =/

[tapestrybabe]

Originally posted by ChinaLama@Oct 4 2002, 03:29 AM
Originally posted by SunWuKung@Oct 1 2002, 04:58 PM
Originally posted by tapestrybabe@Oct 1 2002, 07:51 AM
well, the thing with me... i dont see myself being happy as just being a housewife... staying home to raise the kids... well, maybe in the beginning.. when they are a baby.. but not as a permanent thing... cuz to me, money is an important issue.. it gives me a sense of independance... i would like to be able to earn my own money that i can call my own... without having to depend soley on the man for his income...
i'm all for the woman doing what she wants (and if she asked for my opinion, i'd tell her to go and have a career), but i think by the time you get married, you don't really think so much of whose money it is. it sort of just becomes "our" money. you know what i'm saying? or maybe that's just me... i don't know.
Call me really old-fashioned patriarchical Chinese or whatever, but I agree w/ SWK. Partly because this is how MY family idealizes things, but I feel everything in a family is shared. There's no real you or me anymore, except when it comes to personal items (like sorry my toothbrush is MY toothbrush) and some personal space. But although I respect TB's opinion about her independence, I believe it's also the foreground to being really territorial and kinda ending up in an unhappy too individualistic marriage like one of the scenarios in the Joy Luck Club (like where they even split it to who buys the ice cream, etc)


well.. ive never seen the Joy Luck Club... but this is how i feel... i like to have some sense of control over my finances... i like to have control over my check book, over my saving account... And i cant see myself letting go of that type of control.... having seperate bank accounts.. and than having a joint account that i can call 'our' money.... thats what i see more ideal for myself.. rather than feeling like giving up everything and becoming totally dependant on someone elses money...

Originally posted by ChinaLama@Oct 4 2002, 03:29 AM
BTW how come no one's talking about a house husband or anything?
Shoot, go ask Arex.. he's really hard up in wanting to be a stay home dad....

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by tapestrybabe@Oct 4 2002, 04:00 AM
well.. ive never seen the Joy Luck Club... but this is how i feel... i like to have some sense of control over my finances... i like to have control over my check book, over my saving account... And i cant see myself letting go of that type of control.... having seperate bank accounts.. and than having a joint account that i can call 'our' money.... thats what i see more ideal for myself.. rather than feeling like giving up everything and becoming totally dependant on someone elses money...
so you would have seperate bank accounts as well as a joint account? does that mean that both of you would set aside an amount to contribute to the shared account?

hmmm... i really can't see myself doing that. and it's not about dependence or independence for me, because i would prefer my future wife to have a career. it's more about co-dependence for me. and really, i don't see the logical reasoning behind having seperate bank accounts.

so would you marry a househusband?

[deez nuts]

I'm with TJ on this one.

And the kids thing, ideally and if I had my way, I'm not having kids.



<!--EDIT|Chasiubao_Boy|Oct 4 2002, 02:05 PM-->

[tapestrybabe]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Oct 4 2002, 01:40 PM
Originally posted by tapestrybabe@Oct 4 2002, 04:00 AM
well.. ive never seen the Joy Luck Club... but this is how i feel... i like to have some sense of control over my finances... i like to have control over my check book, over my saving account... And i cant see myself letting go of that type of control.... having seperate bank accounts.. and than having a joint account that i can call 'our' money.... thats what i see more ideal for myself.. rather than feeling like giving up everything and becoming totally dependant on someone elses money...
so you would have seperate bank accounts as well as a joint account? does that mean that both of you would set aside an amount to contribute to the shared account?

hmmm... i really can't see myself doing that. and it's not about dependence or independence for me, because i would prefer my future wife to have a career. it's more about co-dependence for me. and really, i don't see the logical reasoning behind having seperate bank accounts.


Right. thats how i feel. we would both contribute to the joint account. and that would go towards like vacation, going out to dinner together, grocery shopping, and stuff like that.... And my own seperate account would be JUST FOR ME.. and what I wanted. Like lets say i wanted to buy a dress, some korean cd's, art supplies.... or whateverz... i would like to be able to use MY OWN money for that instead of feeling like i'm relying on the other person to support my interests.... I mean, i got a savings account... i like to save.. i mean, i dont even touch it that often.... i save for when i really want to buy something for myself... maybe something really expensive.... And i dont see why i should feel the need to share that savings account with anyone else just cuz i'm married to them.... that money is ALL MINE that I earned and saved up for ME, its MY choice how i want to use it.... and when i use that money to buy what i want.... i have the satisfaction that it was all up to me.... And visa vera... I feel my spouse should feel like he has his own money to spend on whatever he wants to do with it.... whether it be using it towards going out with his guy friends for the night... or whateverz...

i dont think i'm that stringent on having to split everything 50/50... but yeah, i feel i have feelings of wanting to feel that this is mine, this is his, and this is ours.

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Oct 4 2002, 01:40 PM
so would you marry a househusband?
Me, i dont know if i even want children. cuz wanting to have children is the last thing on my mind. But IF i were to raise a family... and thats a BIG, HUGE IF.... my ideal, would be that we would be both working... But if i HAD to choose between being a housewife or be the sole bread winner of the family.... I would prefer to be the one making the money, having more control over the finances... and having my spouse stay home....

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by tapestrybabe@Oct 4 2002, 04:05 PM
Me, i dont know if i even want children. cuz wanting to have children is the last thing on my mind. But IF i were to raise a family... and thats a BIG, HUGE IF.... my ideal, would be that we would be both working... But if i HAD to choose between being a housewife or be the sole bread winner of the family.... I would prefer to be the one making the money, having more control over the finances... and having my spouse stay home....
and if you marry a househusband, would you imagine having seperate bank accounts in that case also? because if so, that pretty much amounts to only YOU having a seperate bank account, seeing how he won't be out making money.

[amietron]

i wouldn't mind being a housewife. wouldn't mind being the sole bread winner of the household, either.

starting to sound like it's all a control issue.

[tapestrybabe]

Originally posted by amietron@Oct 4 2002, 09:37 PM
i wouldn't mind being a housewife. wouldn't mind being the sole bread winner of the household, either.

starting to sound like it's all a control issue.
why is it so hard to understand a person of wanting earn their own money... and having at least a little ownership and control over the money that they make??



<!--EDIT|tapestrybabe|Oct 4 2002, 10:46 PM-->

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by tapestrybabe@Oct 4 2002, 10:43 PM
why is it so hard to understand a person of wanting earn their own money... and having at least a little ownership and control over the money that they make??
sorry to be asking you all these questions. i guess i'm just curious as to how it would work, because i really can't see what the point is...

do you think that you won't have any control or ownership over any shared money? what if you had seperate accounts and you were using your own money to buy something your husband doesn't think you should buy? similarly, if you only had a shared account, and you took money out to buy something that your husband doesn't think you should buy, what would the difference be? after all, whether or not you only had a shared account or you had seperate accounts, your husband cannot stop you from taking money out to spend. and he can voice his opinion about how you spend money whether or not you had seperate accounts or only a joint account.

and also, what if you married a househusband? would you want to have seperate accounts in that case, where having seperate accounts practically means that only YOU have a seperate account?



<!--EDIT|SunWuKung|Oct 5 2002, 01:49 AM-->

[amietron]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Oct 4 2002, 10:47 PM
Originally posted by tapestrybabe@Oct 4 2002, 10:43 PM
why is it so hard to understand a person of wanting earn their own money... and having at least a little ownership and control over the money that they make??
sorry to be asking you all these questions. i guess i'm just curious as to how it would work, because i really can't see what the point is...

do you think that you won't have any control or ownership over any shared money? what if you had seperate accounts and you were using your own money to buy something your husband doesn't think you should buy? similarly, if you only had a shared account, and you took money out to buy something that your husband doesn't think you should buy, what would the difference be? after all, whether or not you only had a shared account or you had seperate accounts, your husband cannot stop you from taking money out to spend. and he can voice his opinion about how you spend money whether or not you had seperate accounts or only a joint account.

and also, what if you married a househusband? would you want to have seperate accounts in that case, where having seperate accounts practically means that only YOU have a seperate account?
so it's all about the money, is it?

control, money and power! :x

[tapestrybabe]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Oct 5 2002, 01:47 AM
Originally posted by tapestrybabe@Oct 4 2002, 10:43 PM
why is it so hard to understand a person of wanting earn their own money... and having at least a little ownership and control over the money that they make??
sorry to be asking you all these questions. i guess i'm just curious as to how it would work, because i really can't see what the point is...

do you think that you won't have any control or ownership over any shared money? what if you had seperate accounts and you were using your own money to buy something your husband doesn't think you should buy? similarly, if you only had a shared account, and you took money out to buy something that your husband doesn't think you should buy, what would the difference be? after all, whether or not you only had a shared account or you had seperate accounts, your husband cannot stop you from taking money out to spend. and he can voice his opinion about how you spend money whether or not you had seperate accounts or only a joint account.

and also, what if you married a househusband? would you want to have seperate accounts in that case, where having seperate accounts practically means that only YOU have a seperate account?
me, i dont understand what this huge problem is?! golddiggers are being looked down upon cuz they're girls going after guys for their money... and me, i'm saying now that i dont want to end up depending on a guy for his money.... and once again, i feel the woman is being looked down upon.... i dont see what the problem is wanting to feel a sense of control over my own money that i make. i feel like i'm being forced in thinking that everything that i earn should be considered ours... when its ME, thats earning it. And its not really an issue of the amount of money.. but its an issue of feeling like i have at least some ownership.... putting aside money that i've earned... and saying that its mine.... its not his, its not ours, but its mine for me to do whatever i want with it. its my money that i can spend on clothes shopping, my money that i can spend on whatever music i want, or whateverz... without feeling like i have to rely on him for his money to spend on stuff that i specifically want. and me, i dont feel like i'm that stringent and knit picky on how the money is spent... but its more the concept of me being able to define my financial independance... and feeling a sense of control over part of the money that i earn... saving as much as i want, or spending as much as i want with it.... something that would be totally lost if it was all shared.

and ok, this is why i feel i wouldnt feel right just being a housewife.. cuz the money that he earns.. i would feel that everything that he buys/spends would actually be his. Like if he's the one that bought a car for the family, i would feel thats really his. If he's the one thats responsible for all the house payments... i'll feel like i'm the one thats just living under his roof. And lets say i wanted to buy something for myself... i dont like the thoughts of having him to spend stuff on me..... making me feel like i'm depending on his money... for the stuff i want. And if i were to marry a househusband... i dont know how i would handle it... but i would much prefer him having to rely on me for my money.... than me having to rely and depend on any man for his money....

me, i dont want to appear some kinda selfish, control freak.... cuz i understand of wanting to feel like... that sense of we, us, and ours.... but i dont understand why i should feel forced into feeling like, everything that i earn is his also.... why cant i have a sense of this is mine too??

[SunWuKong]

no no, i'm not like, trying to change your mind or something. i just personally don't really understand the point. i guess you are saying that you don't feel you'd have a sense of control over a joint account? because personally, if my wife and i had a joint account, i'd still feel like i can do whatever i want with that money, and my wife would and should feel the same, regardless of whether or not she earns any money. we'd both have a sense of ownership over our money. i can understand that there would be a difference if an amount of money is legally nobody else's money, but i can't imagine what difference that would make in terms of actually using that money. i mean if your husband is going to try to legally keep you from using the money in a joint account, then you probably shouldn't even be married.

don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to indirectly control my future wife through money. i mean i would prefer to have a wife that has a career (but her personal choice would be the most respected). and i wouldn't feel comfortable marrying a girl unless i can trust her with my money and finances. all that i'm saying is i don't understand what the difference is between having both seperate and joint accounts, and only having a joint account.



<!--EDIT|SunWuKung|Oct 5 2002, 12:29 PM-->

[tapestrybabe]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Oct 5 2002, 12:29 PM
i guess you are saying that you don't feel you'd have a sense of control over a joint account? because personally, if my wife and i had a joint account, i'd still feel like i can do whatever i want with that money, and my wife would and should feel the same, regardless of whether or not she earns any money. &nbsp;we'd both have a sense of ownership over our money. &nbsp;
i think this is where you fail to see eye to eye on things with me.... i think if your the one thats making all the money.... i think its easier to have a joint account and express that its both of ours... HOWEVER, when you're on the other end of the spectrum... and NOT making any of the money.... thats not so easy to feel that its 'our' money anymore.... 'Our' money to me means that BOTH of us our making monetary contributions... Not just my spouse making it all... and than end up calling it ours. Cuz me... like i said before... i wouldnt feel right just being a housewife... cuz i would feel the money that he earns.. i would feel that everything that he buys/spends would actually be his. Or if i wanted to buy something for myself... i would be depending on his money... His money that you keep on insisting on saying that its 'ours'.. when its not... cuz he's the one making it all.... And this is why i would like to at least be able to earn a little bit of my own money as well, that i can call my own... cuz it gives me a sense of independance... being able to save as much money as i want, spend as much money as i want for myself... without having to rely on anyone else's income.... and my own account would be just for that... money that i earned... that i set aside not for him, not for us... but for me....

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by tapestrybabe@Oct 5 2002, 02:21 PM
Originally posted by SunWuKung@Oct 5 2002, 12:29 PM
i guess you are saying that you don't feel you'd have a sense of control over a joint account? because personally, if my wife and i had a joint account, i'd still feel like i can do whatever i want with that money, and my wife would and should feel the same, regardless of whether or not she earns any money. we'd both have a sense of ownership over our money.
i think this is where you fail to see eye to eye on things with me.... i think if your the one thats making all the money.... i think its easier to have a joint account and express that its both of ours... HOWEVER, when you're on the other end of the spectrum... and NOT making any of the money.... thats not so easy to feel that its 'our' money anymore.... 'Our' money to me means that BOTH of us our making monetary contributions... Not just my spouse making it all... and than end up calling it ours. Cuz me... like i said before... i wouldnt feel right just being a housewife... cuz i would feel the money that he earns.. i would feel that everything that he buys/spends would actually be his. Or if i wanted to buy something for myself... i would be depending on his money... His money that you keep on insisting on saying that its 'ours'.. when its not... cuz he's the one making it all.... And this is why i would like to at least be able to earn a little bit of my own money as well, that i can call my own... cuz it gives me a sense of independance... being able to save as much money as i want, spend as much money as i want for myself... without having to rely on anyone else's income.... and my own account would be just for that... money that i earned... that i set aside not for him, not for us... but for me....
well but wait, i have been thinking under the assumption that you wouldn't be just a housewife. what i fail to see is if both the husband and wife are working, why would they not both have ownership and control of a joint account?

[amietron]

and that's where it goes back to the whole joy luck club thing!

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by amietron@Oct 5 2002, 03:18 PM
and that's where it goes back to the whole joy luck club thing!
yeah... us chinese guys can't do anything right... first we're too controlling in married life, then we seperate too much in married life... if i lived in the world of joy luck club (the movie) i guess i can expect to be a shitty insensitive husband.

[deez nuts]

I still think the joint account along with your individual account works fine. I have friends with this scenerio who have a whole lot less arguments over money with their spouses, as opposed to having no individual accounts and just joint accounts.

But, thats just from my own personal experience.

I just believe in marriage it is healthy to retain some aspects of your individuality and have some things separate from one another, so my ideal scenerio would include joint account and individual accounts.

This whole marriage as a two units coming as one, I don't buy it, completely. People need their individuality, personal space and freedom. The trick is finding that happy medium, that would placate the couple. And saying that, it involves me having my own bank account along with a joing bank account.

The Joy Luck club example is kinda unfair, he bought it to an extreme. Not everyone with that scenerio lives like that in real life. That movie sucked and now people can use "Oh, your like that guy fron the Joy Luck Club." Honestly, who gives a shit on who pays for Fido's kibbles and vet bills, splitting it 50/50, exactly.

Now it gives everyone who disagree about that financial scenerio, to use the Joy Luck Club excuse. Alot of my married friends living under that financial scenerio, the man ain't living like that, nor is he that perpetual accountant that has to divide everything right down the middle.

And honestly, Joy Luck Club?!?! Come on, for real.



<!--EDIT|Chasiubao_Boy|Oct 5 2002, 03:40 PM-->

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by Chasiubao_Boy@Oct 5 2002, 03:36 PM
I still think the joint account along with your individual account works fine. I have friends with this scenerio who have a whole lot less arguments over money with their spouses, as opposed to having no individual accounts and just joint accounts.

But, thats just from my own personal experience.

I just believe in marriage it is healthy to retain some aspects of your individuality and have some things separate from one another, so my ideal scenerio would include joint account and individual accounts.

This whole marriage as a two units coming as one, I don't buy it, completely. People need their individuality, personal space and freedom. The trick is finding that happy medium, that would placate the couple. And saying that, it involves me having my own bank account along with a joing bank account.

The Joy Luck club example is kinda unfair, he bought it to an extreme. Not everyone with that scenerio lives like that. That movie sucked and now people can use "Oh, your like that guy fron the Joy Luck Club." Honestly, who gives a shit on who pays for Fido's kibbles and vet bills, splitting it 50/50, exactly.

Now it gives everyone who disagree about that financial scenerio, to use the Joy Luck Club excuse. Alot of my married friends living under that financial scenerio, the man ain't living like that, nor is he that perpetual accountant that has to divide everything right down the middle.

And honestly, Joy Luck Club?!?! Come on, for real.
i guess i just don't understand what difference it would make other than in your head. i mean whether or not you have seperate accounts, you'll still have control over the money you make. this is assuming both the husband and wife work.

[angel nympho]

Originally posted by Chasiubao_Boy@Oct 5 2002, 08:36 PM
I still think the joint account along with your individual account works fine. I have friends with this scenerio who have a whole lot less arguments over money with their spouses, as opposed to having no individual accounts and just joint accounts.

But, thats just from my own personal experience.

I just believe in marriage it is healthy to retain some aspects of your individuality and have some things separate from one another, so my ideal scenerio would include joint account and individual accounts.

This whole marriage as a two units coming as one, I don't buy it, completely. People need their individuality, personal space and freedom. The trick is finding that happy medium, that would placate the couple. And saying that, it involves me having my own bank account along with a joing bank account.

The Joy Luck club example is kinda unfair, he bought it to an extreme. Not everyone with that scenerio lives like that in real life. That movie sucked and now people can use "Oh, your like that guy fron the Joy Luck Club." Honestly, who gives a shit on who pays for Fido's kibbles and vet bills, splitting it 50/50, exactly.

Now it gives everyone who disagree about that financial scenerio, to use the Joy Luck Club excuse. Alot of my married friends living under that financial scenerio, the man ain't living like that, nor is he that perpetual accountant that has to divide everything right down the middle.

And honestly, Joy Luck Club?!?! Come on, for real.
I agree with the joint and individual bank account thing. I mean, I don't wanna buy my husband presents with money out of our joint account!!! And I don't want him buying ME presents with money I helped earn!

[deez nuts]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Oct 5 2002, 03:42 PM

i guess i just don't understand what difference it would make other than in your head. i mean whether or not you have seperate accounts, you'll still have control over the money you make. this is assuming both the husband and wife work.
I guess it's just one of those things where there's no wrong or right. Just agree to disagree. I just don't understand just meshing all the money together into one joint bank account.

You're right it my be psychological, like to retain some semblence of my individuality or mebbe I'm a slight control freak or afraid to give up control.

And the way I see it also, it's gonna be a pain to keep track of that bank account with me and my wife withdrawing from that one joint account anytime we need some cheddah, but when we're not together.


Edit: and what angel said.



<!--EDIT|Chasiubao_Boy|Oct 5 2002, 03:55 PM-->

[SunWuKong]

hahhah yeah when i was helping a buddy shop for an engagement ring, i was telling him, "the price doesn't matter, you'll be both paying it off anyway."

[wylin]

when she wants to get outa the house and find a carrear i'll say "know your place and know your role"

[Craig]

Originally posted by wylin@Oct 6 2002, 01:08 AM
when she wants to get outa the house and find a carrear i'll say "know your place and know your role"

Nope, we certainly don't want her driving if she's going to get in an accident. Who wants to replace the back bumper on somebody else's auto ? It's too expensive. So, who chips in the money to pay for a driver for her, or does she have to take public transit ? :dance: