kitty
07-23-2004, 09:02 PM
Catwoman: One Cat That Should've Been Spayed
It must be one of the early signs of the apocalypse when DC Comics feels the need to
plagiarize storylines from Marvel in order to sell what should've been one of its most
popular films.
Yes, folks. In Catwoman, you've seen it all before. Don't be fooled by the leather outfit
that looks like it's been run over by a few thousand John Deere mowers. Don't be
fooled by the football that Halle Berry's character, Patience Phillips, has carved out and
stuck on her head like a bad toupee. Don't be fooled by the diamond claws and the
oh-so-shiny-and-pretty special effects. Director Pitof's latest endeavour is little more
than the unholy baby of the Spider-Man franchise formula and, deadbeat mommy,
S&M kitty, Michelle Pfeiffer.
In this latest incarnation of one of my personal favourites of the DC universe, Halle
Berry's Patience is a mousy woman not unlike Ms. Kyle of Tim Burton's Batman
Returns until, like Ms. Kyle, she is killed under violent circumstances. Resurrected by
semi-mystical cats, once more like Ms. Kyle, Patience transforms into the superhuman
Catwoman, and thus begins her two-hour journey to discover herself, find her place
in this world, topple the company she used to work for, and set us easily duped
moviegoers up for a convenient sequel.
Joining Halle Berry is Benjamin Bratt as detective Tom Lone, a clean-cut detective
possibly inspired by Catwoman's sometime paramour in her current comic title, Slam
Bradley. Sharon Stone plays Laurel Hedare, the jilted ex-model and spokeswoman of
husband George Hedare's extensive cosmetics company, played by French actor
Lambert Wilson, reprising his role as the Matrix's Merovingian, sans French accent.
Of course, initial glimpses of this film made it blatantly obvious that screenwriters John
Brancato, Michael Ferris, and John Rogers were completely unconcerned with
maintaining the story of Catwoman from the comics. Fanboys (and this fangirl) were
flabbergasted at the thought of placing a woman in pseudo-camo leather, handing her
a whip, and calling that Catwoman, with none of the poise and charm of the graceful
catburgler we all know and love. While I applaud the racial cross-casting of a mixed
black woman in the role of Catwoman, it's not as if it hasn't been done before in the
form of Eartha Kitt in the original Batman TV series featuring Adam West as the pudgy
caped crusader.
Yet, it was with a certain amount of reserved hopefulness that I waited for the lights to
dim and this latest movie to begin -- after all, trailer released a few weeks ago showed
some pretty sweet special effects and I found myself hoping that maybe the fanboys
had jumped to conclusions a little too soon. Unfortunately, when the Academy
awarded Ms. Berry with the first Best Leading Actress Oscar to go to a woman of
colour, they seem to have conveniently forgotten her painful lack of talent. Whether it
was simply a misplaced Pfeiffer caricature or bad directing and vision on Pitof's part,
Berry's Catwoman was little more than 'saucy seductress' turned on overdrive and her
conveyance of 'feline' seemed to be more like acting as if her head had been mounted
onto a bobble stick and her neck turned to Silly Putty while she throatily mewled each
of her lines with over-the-top confidence.
Sharon Stone is on the set to make money, and it's pretty obvious with the way she
treks her way through her part -- she's enthusiastic enough in her role, while the
camera is on her but there is something missing in her delivery that makes her seem
unconvincing and it's too obvious that she's acting. But worse than this was Benjamin
Bratt who was played goody-goody Tom Lone to such an extreme of upstanding good
nature that you by the end you were just begging for him to trip, belch, or do anything
to reveal some inkling of realistic humanity beyond the scripted Prince Charming
routine.
Couple with the terrible acting is the flat, just plain uninteresting screenplay and plot.
The story has been done, and the threat of a major cosmetics company going awry
doesn't really mix too well with the character of Catwoman. Seeded throughout the
movie were scenes of terrible dialogue that made one want to throttle oneself with
Catwoman's trademark whip, and a couple of walking stereotypes and racially
charged humour too shocking to really be believable -- most notable of which was a
gay male co-worker of Patience's who makes Carson Kressley look like Sylvestor
Stallone and who plays up the 'girlie boy' caricature for a few nauseating and cheap
laughs.
Asian American actor Byron Mann plays a secondary role in this film as one of the Hedare thugs, and a few other Asian American faces pop up throughout the film with walk-on, one or two line parts. Unfortunately, Mann's role is still tiny, and woefully undeveloped, and while it is nice to see a 'yellow' face sharing in more of the limelight (especially for an actor who is well past due such attention simply due to how long he's been working the Hollywood scene), the character of Wesley is insignificant at best, hardly worth more than a footnote in the annals of the continuing struggle to improve Asian American race relations.
Fundamentally, the only highlight of this Catwoman was the CGI effects that were reminiscent of the first SpiderMan movie -- well capturing the quick feline movements that a real super-powered Catwoman might embody. That and watching Halle Berry's nasty, sweaty body in tight, moulded leather, if you're into that sort of thing. Unfortunately, that's not enough to power a movie, not even a comic book adaptation. Hopefully, studio execs will realize that this Catwoman has reached the end of her nine lives, long before they even think about announcing the development of a sequel.
It must be one of the early signs of the apocalypse when DC Comics feels the need to
plagiarize storylines from Marvel in order to sell what should've been one of its most
popular films.
Yes, folks. In Catwoman, you've seen it all before. Don't be fooled by the leather outfit
that looks like it's been run over by a few thousand John Deere mowers. Don't be
fooled by the football that Halle Berry's character, Patience Phillips, has carved out and
stuck on her head like a bad toupee. Don't be fooled by the diamond claws and the
oh-so-shiny-and-pretty special effects. Director Pitof's latest endeavour is little more
than the unholy baby of the Spider-Man franchise formula and, deadbeat mommy,
S&M kitty, Michelle Pfeiffer.
In this latest incarnation of one of my personal favourites of the DC universe, Halle
Berry's Patience is a mousy woman not unlike Ms. Kyle of Tim Burton's Batman
Returns until, like Ms. Kyle, she is killed under violent circumstances. Resurrected by
semi-mystical cats, once more like Ms. Kyle, Patience transforms into the superhuman
Catwoman, and thus begins her two-hour journey to discover herself, find her place
in this world, topple the company she used to work for, and set us easily duped
moviegoers up for a convenient sequel.
Joining Halle Berry is Benjamin Bratt as detective Tom Lone, a clean-cut detective
possibly inspired by Catwoman's sometime paramour in her current comic title, Slam
Bradley. Sharon Stone plays Laurel Hedare, the jilted ex-model and spokeswoman of
husband George Hedare's extensive cosmetics company, played by French actor
Lambert Wilson, reprising his role as the Matrix's Merovingian, sans French accent.
Of course, initial glimpses of this film made it blatantly obvious that screenwriters John
Brancato, Michael Ferris, and John Rogers were completely unconcerned with
maintaining the story of Catwoman from the comics. Fanboys (and this fangirl) were
flabbergasted at the thought of placing a woman in pseudo-camo leather, handing her
a whip, and calling that Catwoman, with none of the poise and charm of the graceful
catburgler we all know and love. While I applaud the racial cross-casting of a mixed
black woman in the role of Catwoman, it's not as if it hasn't been done before in the
form of Eartha Kitt in the original Batman TV series featuring Adam West as the pudgy
caped crusader.
Yet, it was with a certain amount of reserved hopefulness that I waited for the lights to
dim and this latest movie to begin -- after all, trailer released a few weeks ago showed
some pretty sweet special effects and I found myself hoping that maybe the fanboys
had jumped to conclusions a little too soon. Unfortunately, when the Academy
awarded Ms. Berry with the first Best Leading Actress Oscar to go to a woman of
colour, they seem to have conveniently forgotten her painful lack of talent. Whether it
was simply a misplaced Pfeiffer caricature or bad directing and vision on Pitof's part,
Berry's Catwoman was little more than 'saucy seductress' turned on overdrive and her
conveyance of 'feline' seemed to be more like acting as if her head had been mounted
onto a bobble stick and her neck turned to Silly Putty while she throatily mewled each
of her lines with over-the-top confidence.
Sharon Stone is on the set to make money, and it's pretty obvious with the way she
treks her way through her part -- she's enthusiastic enough in her role, while the
camera is on her but there is something missing in her delivery that makes her seem
unconvincing and it's too obvious that she's acting. But worse than this was Benjamin
Bratt who was played goody-goody Tom Lone to such an extreme of upstanding good
nature that you by the end you were just begging for him to trip, belch, or do anything
to reveal some inkling of realistic humanity beyond the scripted Prince Charming
routine.
Couple with the terrible acting is the flat, just plain uninteresting screenplay and plot.
The story has been done, and the threat of a major cosmetics company going awry
doesn't really mix too well with the character of Catwoman. Seeded throughout the
movie were scenes of terrible dialogue that made one want to throttle oneself with
Catwoman's trademark whip, and a couple of walking stereotypes and racially
charged humour too shocking to really be believable -- most notable of which was a
gay male co-worker of Patience's who makes Carson Kressley look like Sylvestor
Stallone and who plays up the 'girlie boy' caricature for a few nauseating and cheap
laughs.
Asian American actor Byron Mann plays a secondary role in this film as one of the Hedare thugs, and a few other Asian American faces pop up throughout the film with walk-on, one or two line parts. Unfortunately, Mann's role is still tiny, and woefully undeveloped, and while it is nice to see a 'yellow' face sharing in more of the limelight (especially for an actor who is well past due such attention simply due to how long he's been working the Hollywood scene), the character of Wesley is insignificant at best, hardly worth more than a footnote in the annals of the continuing struggle to improve Asian American race relations.
Fundamentally, the only highlight of this Catwoman was the CGI effects that were reminiscent of the first SpiderMan movie -- well capturing the quick feline movements that a real super-powered Catwoman might embody. That and watching Halle Berry's nasty, sweaty body in tight, moulded leather, if you're into that sort of thing. Unfortunately, that's not enough to power a movie, not even a comic book adaptation. Hopefully, studio execs will realize that this Catwoman has reached the end of her nine lives, long before they even think about announcing the development of a sequel.