TB4000
06-13-2004, 03:13 PM
Some things just don’t need to exist on this ethereal plane of ours…taxes, famine, the Hilton sisters, etc. Unfortunately, another item must be placed upon this list. I am speaking of the newly released Garfield movie. Now don’t get me wrong, I am probably the hugest Garfield fan in existence…the holiday specials are genius to me, and the comic strips, though redundant in their jokes as of late, are still read by me when I get the Chicago paper every day. People relate to Garfield because he’s sarcastic, pretty much tells you that life sucks, and his pastimes include the rigorous agenda of eat, sleep, eat, sleep, and so forth. I was a little wary when I heard a live action movie was going to be made, but then I heard that the guys that wrote Toy Story were doing the screenplay, so I was like, “yeah, there ain’t no way they can screw this up.” And if I may dust off an old chestnut, *buzz!!!* Wrong!!! Terrence, you ARE the weakest link.
I can’t even begin to describe how they got so much of the classic characters wrong in this movie, but I’ll attempt to do so. There’s a plot involving animal kidnapping and an Animal Planet host-type villain, but it’s more or less there as a reason for the characters to react to each other, which they don’t do all that well. Garfield is a cat, owned by lovable dork Jon Arbuckle, and he pretty much runs the household, having Jon do all his tasks such as mouse chasing, cleaning himself, and so forth. Jon has a crush on Garfield’s vet, Dr. Liz, who secretly harbors a crush on Jon. She tells Jon of a dog that needs adopting, aka the not so intelligent Odie, hence his entrance into the Arbuckle homestead. Our cat hates this from the get-go, and does everything in his power to get rid of his rival.
Well, I managed to maintain a straight face while typing that little plotline, so allow me to get right down to it…aside from a few Garfield quips, EVERYTHING in this movie is wrong. Jon Arbuckle is a hapless loser in the comics and cartoon show…he cannot get a date, his fashion sense would give the Queer Eye dudes enough to buy them a yacht each, but in this movie, he’s just a clumsy, kindhearted guy whom Dr. Liz thinks is sweet…what the hell?! Liz in the comics is as cynical as Garfield, a Janene Garafolo type that barely tolerates Jon but loves Garfield…and she’s played by Jennifer Love” my boobs are real unlike Lindsey Lohan, so there) Hewitt? Why did they think this could work? Who thought it was a clever casting choice? And don’t even get me started on Nermal…the world’s cutest kitten is now a full grown Siamese, and he doesn’t even annoy Garfield, he’s like a friend to him. Also, I feel I must point out something to future Garfield filmmakers…if you’re going to make an animal in a movie CGI, make them ALL CGI or don’t do it at all. When you have one CG cat hanging out with other animals that are all real, except for having their lips move like Babe Pig in the City, it’s really distracting and messy looking. And Odie himself should have been CG at least; he looked nothing like the original Odie, which is a shame unto itself.
The one saving grace of this movie was Bill Murray, who provided the vocals for the cat himself. It’s a little inside joke that works, since Lorenzo Music, the guy that did the voice for Garfield in the cartoons, was the voice of Peter Venkman on the Ghostbusters cartoon, Murray’s character, so it was a nice little switch up for them to do. If it wasn’t him doing the voice, I would’ve had to just bury my face in my hands for the entire movie, which I was on the verge of when Garfield and Odie started dancing to the tune of “Wild Thang” by Tone Loc.
This whole thing was a mistake, I don’t know how else to describe it. They could’ve done better if the writers had made the characters more in tune with their original counterparts, but they strayed too far and cheaped out on the effects to boot. Let me know when Peanuts: The Motion Picture comes out, at least then I can audition for the part of Charlie Brown and make a quick buck or something.
I can’t even begin to describe how they got so much of the classic characters wrong in this movie, but I’ll attempt to do so. There’s a plot involving animal kidnapping and an Animal Planet host-type villain, but it’s more or less there as a reason for the characters to react to each other, which they don’t do all that well. Garfield is a cat, owned by lovable dork Jon Arbuckle, and he pretty much runs the household, having Jon do all his tasks such as mouse chasing, cleaning himself, and so forth. Jon has a crush on Garfield’s vet, Dr. Liz, who secretly harbors a crush on Jon. She tells Jon of a dog that needs adopting, aka the not so intelligent Odie, hence his entrance into the Arbuckle homestead. Our cat hates this from the get-go, and does everything in his power to get rid of his rival.
Well, I managed to maintain a straight face while typing that little plotline, so allow me to get right down to it…aside from a few Garfield quips, EVERYTHING in this movie is wrong. Jon Arbuckle is a hapless loser in the comics and cartoon show…he cannot get a date, his fashion sense would give the Queer Eye dudes enough to buy them a yacht each, but in this movie, he’s just a clumsy, kindhearted guy whom Dr. Liz thinks is sweet…what the hell?! Liz in the comics is as cynical as Garfield, a Janene Garafolo type that barely tolerates Jon but loves Garfield…and she’s played by Jennifer Love” my boobs are real unlike Lindsey Lohan, so there) Hewitt? Why did they think this could work? Who thought it was a clever casting choice? And don’t even get me started on Nermal…the world’s cutest kitten is now a full grown Siamese, and he doesn’t even annoy Garfield, he’s like a friend to him. Also, I feel I must point out something to future Garfield filmmakers…if you’re going to make an animal in a movie CGI, make them ALL CGI or don’t do it at all. When you have one CG cat hanging out with other animals that are all real, except for having their lips move like Babe Pig in the City, it’s really distracting and messy looking. And Odie himself should have been CG at least; he looked nothing like the original Odie, which is a shame unto itself.
The one saving grace of this movie was Bill Murray, who provided the vocals for the cat himself. It’s a little inside joke that works, since Lorenzo Music, the guy that did the voice for Garfield in the cartoons, was the voice of Peter Venkman on the Ghostbusters cartoon, Murray’s character, so it was a nice little switch up for them to do. If it wasn’t him doing the voice, I would’ve had to just bury my face in my hands for the entire movie, which I was on the verge of when Garfield and Odie started dancing to the tune of “Wild Thang” by Tone Loc.
This whole thing was a mistake, I don’t know how else to describe it. They could’ve done better if the writers had made the characters more in tune with their original counterparts, but they strayed too far and cheaped out on the effects to boot. Let me know when Peanuts: The Motion Picture comes out, at least then I can audition for the part of Charlie Brown and make a quick buck or something.