Question for the Hapas: Do You Feel Comfortable about IR? [Archive]

BeTheReds

05-27-2004, 08:31 PM

One of the most common things I've noticed as long as I've been a moderator of this forum is that I find myself having to steer discussions away from debating about IR or move entire threads that were started to discuss IR when having actually no connection to hapas at all. I've always thought that this forum isn't for Asians who are "keepin it REAL" talk bad on IR or for asiaphiles who want to prove their legitimacy by whoopin up their latest yellow-skinned-sub-garmental exploits. But it never dawned on me. We whom the forum was created for have never actually talked about OUR views on the subject. It is a general assumption that as people of mixed race, we must be 100% in support of it, because without it, we would not exist, we'd be dishonoring our parents to say otherwise, OR, we'd basically be condemning any relationship we've ever had, are currently in, or will have in the future. But assumption is lethal. So, then hapas, what IS your view on IR?

For the poll, I was thinking, yes, no, or sometimes. But I had the feeling that everyone would just pick sometimes, so please choose the one you usually tend to feel when you see IR.

---------------

My view on the subject, no, I generally don't support interracial relationships as it is a rare occasion that I see one that doesn't involve fetish of some kind. Yes, I have seen a few, and I've even made good friends with the IR partners of my Asian friends. But generally I don't have faith in the vast majority of Americans, and I tend to look at most IR in a negative light until I know better. Sometimes I wish I'd just give people the benefit of the doubt until I know better, but I can't seem to. I've also had on more than one occasian where White guys approach me on ways to get Asian ladies or ask me where they hang out. It is clear that the personality is not important and the race is in these cases. Thus I am usually against it.

Ironic that I'm white looking and my preference is Asian girls, and that I sometimes feel frustrated as the target of the same negativity. Perhaps I deserve it.

SynRG

05-27-2004, 09:05 PM

Napoleon Chynamite

05-27-2004, 09:23 PM

Sign me up for the positivity camp. I fall into the group of hapas that can't fathom how someone of mixed race could be against IR dating. To ME, it doesn't make sense, to be against IR would to be against your parents relationship... and in a way against your very existence.

Well not exactly. Just because you may be against the circumstances upon which your parents got married and produced you as a child doesn't necessarily mean that you are against your very own existence. I realize this is an extreme example, but take the case of rape or if your mother was a whore. Does that mean that if a child resulting from such incidents is against rape or prostitution that he/she is against his/her own existence? Fact is many children came about due to the partnerings and coming together of two individuals with less than savory reasons and there's nothing wrong with having an opinion or objecting to such reasons even if it criticizes the union of your very own parents.

Then again, there could be an explanation of this. Having met so many other "internet hapas" in the past year.. I've noticed that I seem to be somewhat of a minority ("unique?" har har) among the online population in that my parents are still happily married, and that my dad is a relatively normal dude that doesn't have an Asian fetish. Do you think that connection can be drawn between hapas that do or do not support IR and the success/failure rate of their parents' relationships?

Perhaps. But I think the idea is to look at this issue objectively as if the relationship between your parents is not an issue in the first place. I realize that hapas looking at the issue of IR dating or marriage have the relationship between their parents as the most accessible and clear example when making a decision based upon whether or not they support IR, but it's important not to overemphasize the significance of this example over the examples of others, nor to see the relationship between one's parents as a model for all other IR relationships/marriages.

Furthermore, I guess I just tend to view failed IR relationships as failed relationships period. While race/culture differences are usually a factor... a failed IR relationship usually has a whole slew of other problems as well that can be applied relationships in general (got together for the wrong reasons, communication problems, etc.). So if an IR relationship fails because the guy has an Asian fetish... it doesn't really affect my view on IR dating because the problem is really the guy in particular and his warped views about Asian women (which could be for a number of reasons), but not, for instance, all white people in general.

I agree with this. But the question is whether or not failed relationships are more likely to occur if the partners are of different racial background, or in this case, if the woman is Asian and the man is white?

Call me an idealist, but I guess I just think if you get into a relationship for the right reasons and you're willing to put in effort and make sacrifices, it doesn't matter what race the other person is.

Me personally, I haven't thought about this issue a lot...having grown up in a super-liberal environment, I've always been taught to embrace it. But I guess in the end off the top of my head I'd say that I'm neither really for it or against it...if I see an interracial couple on the street I see it as none of my business and at most I just hope they are in it for the right reasons. The question once again isn't whether or not IR relationships not based on asiaphilia are okay right? The question is more like, are the vast majority of IR relationships based off of asiaphilia and therefore on the way to the shitter.

BeTheReds

05-27-2004, 09:29 PM

if I see an interracial couple on the street I see it as none of my business and at most I just hope they are in it for the right reasons.

I think that's all anyone, either for or against it, really can do. While it might bother me slightly to see an IR, It really is none of my business and thus, no action should be taken.

achtungbaby

05-27-2004, 09:33 PM

My view on the subject, no, I generally don't support interracial relationships as it is a rare occasion that I see one that doesn't involve fetish of some kind.
Pretty strong opinion, I'm surprised. But kudos for wanting to discuss this issue within this context. I guess I'd always assumed most mixed Asians would also either open to it or lean towards being positive towards it.

BeTheReds

05-27-2004, 09:34 PM

Napoleon Chynamite

05-27-2004, 09:34 PM

I think that's all anyone, either for or against it, really can do. While it might bother me slightly to see an IR, It really is none of my business and thus, no action should be taken.

Well what I meant is that when I see an IR couple on the street, my mind doesn't automatically resort to thoughts like "boy, she's probably some ugly bitch-ass sellout who couldn't get an Asian guy" or "boy he's probably some dorky ass white boy who can't score with his own women and watches too much Anime", etc. etc. etc. Likewise I don't suddenly become elated and think "Oh this is so great that people from different cultures are fucking because that just promotes harmony and it's awesome!" But I admit, YW has this effect of influence where now whenever I see an IR couple I wonder for a second whether or not they are "legit" or not for lack of better term. Before, an IR couple was just like any other couple to me.

achtungbaby

05-27-2004, 09:38 PM

It really is none of my business and thus, no action should be taken.
From that perspective, of course, I don't think it's anyone's business to judge in that manner. Which is why I tend to prefer discussing de-personalizing things, focusing more on certain ideas rather than people.

But I admit, YW has this effect of influence where now whenever I see an IR couple I wonder for a second whether or not they are "legit" or not for lack of better term. Before, an IR couple was just like any other couple to me.
Hmmm...I can't say definitely whether or not this is something we should be happy about, but I guess in the final sum of things...if we've caused you to take a moment longer to think about things, it should be okay.

rice cracker

05-27-2004, 09:42 PM

BeTheReds

05-27-2004, 09:50 PM

Well what I meant is that when I see an IR couple on the street, my mind doesn't automatically resort to thoughts like "boy, she's probably some ugly bitch-ass sellout who couldn't get an Asian guy" or "boy he's probably some dorky ass white boy who can't score with his own women and watches too much Anime", etc. etc. etc. But I admit, YW has this effect of influence where now whenever I see an IR couple I wonder for a second whether or not they are "legit" or not for lack of better term. Before, an IR couple was just like any other couple to me.

Well, I think it never bothered me in high school because I knew everyone who was involved in any IR relationship and their relative popularity and respective crowd in the school, thus most High School IRs in my School fit the "same crowd" or "similar relative popularity" criteria and I didn't assume it was racial at all. I guess my opposition to it started out in college, when there were so many people I didn't know, and when white guys on my floor would ask me questions like, "Do Asian girls really have straight pubes?", or showing my pics of their most recent conquest, or asking me how I got one of those (when I was dating an Asian person.) Othertimes, guys who I'd heard say things like they want to order chink food or criticized me for bringing that "Korean shit" (kimchi) into my dorm, it would irk me to see them bedding with Asian chicks.

Now I live in Japan. And almost every IR I see here involves guys who can't get any in the US (based on looks alone and my judgement of them). If you've heard American expats living in Japan talk about "yellow cabs" or "kaiten sushi" in a reference to Japanese women, it will sicken you.

Then I've enountered the Army dudes and Mormons in Korea, both of whom think they are civilizing the world.

So the sum of my negativity is due to asiaphilia, and my experieces in college and since.

Faithless

05-27-2004, 10:43 PM

I never used to think about it until I started visiting Asian forums.

I guess the general feeling I have now when I see most IR couples is a sort of casual suspicion towards their possible fetishes, and due to some unpleasant blitz attacks I get over IM about IR (don't ask) when I see Asian men with non-Asian women I shudder to think that it might be some retalitory, "Fuck all Asian sellout whores!" stand for empowerment. But ultimately I don't really care. Any thought I have upon seeing IR couples is fleeting, and I do try to put aside those prejudices, because I know intellectually that there are IR couples that work.
One would have to listen to how dumb it sounds coming out of one's own mouth.

Me. Interviewed for a "person on the street" segment of "People are Talking" (a now long defunct KPIX show).

Question was about how people felt about IR. I went off like a bigot. Thank god they didn't air my interview.

Experience tells you, by and large, it's all about who you are attracted to.

And if you suspect someone to be a sellout, move along. There's more fish in the sea.

And if you're worrying about people being "sellouts" in this instance, your wasting your time worrying about useless shit.

rice cracker

05-27-2004, 10:49 PM

One would have to listen to how dumb it sounds coming out of one's own mouth.

Eggzacktaly.

Experience tells you, by and large, it's all about who you are attracted to.

Eh, but why are we attracted to certain individuals? What subconcious reasons do we have for our attraction?

And if you suspect someone to be a sellout, move along. There's more fish in the sea.

And if you're worrying about people being "sellouts" in this instance, your wasting your time worrying about useless shit.

I concur. It's booooooooring to listen to bitching and ranting on this subject. I'm bored with my own pedantic musings on this subject.

mr. x

05-27-2004, 10:53 PM

meh same race relationships are all fetish fishing too

i mean a white guy dates a white women cuz (sub)conciously he has white fetish

Faithless

05-27-2004, 10:57 PM

Eh, but why are we attracted to certain individuals? What subconcious reasons do we have for our attraction?
I let the scientists bore me with their theories.

Feremones (?). How we were raised. Our social groups. Interests.

The fact there was only one chick in college math classes that would even talk to my fat face.

People worried about "Keeping the races pure" can be rest assured that a majority of their race sticks together, for whatever reason.

Filiprish

05-27-2004, 10:59 PM

meh same race relationships are all fetish fishing too Word. Or, could just be a pre-programmed human desire called self-preservation (blame God?, <-- yes, I do believe in God). I don't know the answer.

i mean a white guy dates a white women cuz (sub)conciously he has white fetish In other words, the guy is racist?

SynRG

05-27-2004, 11:56 PM

Well not exactly. Just because you may be against the circumstances upon which your parents got married and produced you as a child doesn't necessarily mean that you are against your very own existence. I realize this is an extreme example, but take the case of rape or if your mother was a whore. Does that mean that if a child resulting from such incidents is against rape or prostitution that he/she is against his/her own existence? Fact is many children came about due to the partnerings and coming together of two individuals with less than savory reasons and there's nothing wrong with having an opinion or objecting to such reasons even if it criticizes the union of your very own parents.

Extreme example.. but I see your point.. my main point wasn't to imply how "wrong" it was to be against IR (although re-reading my post I guess you can read that into my post by my "existence" comment. My bad), but rather just trying to explain the point of view of hapas who are in fact somewhat against it by looking at the high failure rate of their parents... i don't really know this for sure.. and have no personal experience to bank it on... so was wondering what others thought.

Perhaps. But I think the idea is to look at this issue objectively as if the relationship between your parents is not an issue in the first place. I realize that hapas looking at the issue of IR dating or marriage have the relationship between their parents as the most accessible and clear example when making a decision based upon whether or not they support IR, but it's important not to overemphasize the significance of this example over the examples of others, nor to see the relationship between one's parents as a model for all other IR relationships/marriages.

It's pretty difficult to do that, however. Especially if a hapa grew up in a very non-diverse environment.. their parents relationship can sometimes be one of the very few real life experiences a hapa can base their opinion on. Even in more diverse places.. same race marriages are by far the "norm." My parents' relationship no doubt has shaped my view on IR. I mean I lived with my parents for the majority of my lifetime. Even if people don't like their parents, they are usually the people that they "know" the best.

There are other examples too, however, such as IR dating in highschool and college. Then of course there is living overseas and witnessing the dark side of expat communities.

BTR is right though. Alot of the IR relationships out here are, in fact, based on some sort of Asian fetish.. because even though the roles are reversed and whites are a minority in Asia, they still enjoy white priveledge and that breeds a sort of superiority complex of expats.. which is what I think shapes their view towards local women.

I agree with this. But the question is whether or not failed relationships are more likely to occur if the partners are of different racial background, or in this case, if the woman is Asian and the man is white?

Does is make a difference if we're talking about race or culture? 'cuz for instance, it's one thing if a white American dates a 2nd or 3rd generation Asian American, and it's another if a white American goes to China (or Japan, or Thailand, etc) and dates a local chick. Or what about a white American dating a white German, Italian, or South African?

If confined to Americans within the United States, I would like to say that race alone does not significantly affect the failure rate of IR relationships, at least not as much and people make it out to. I freely admit I could be wrong, or sheltered, idunno. It just seems to me that if both partners are culturally "American," it shouldn't make all that much difference if one is white or one is Asian, relationship-wise.

When you get out of that realm though and start looking at cross-cultural IR or IR in expat communities... then yes I would say that failed relationships are more likely to occur. But when taking into consideration cross-cultural relationships period (between the same race), isn't it also just as likely to occur?

Me personally, I haven't thought about this issue a lot...having grown up in a super-liberal environment, I've always been taught to embrace it. But I guess in the end off the top of my head I'd say that I'm neither really for it or against it...if I see an interracial couple on the street I see it as none of my business and at most I just hope they are in it for the right reasons. The question once again isn't whether or not IR relationships not based on asiaphilia are okay right? The question is more like, are the vast majority of IR relationships based off of asiaphilia and therefore on the way to the shitter.
[/quote]

Are we only talking about IR relationships that are based off of asiaphilia? Does that kinda mean we're kind of buying into the idea that they IR must be based of off asiaphilia?

BeTheReds

05-28-2004, 12:13 AM

Are we only talking about IR relationships that are based off of asiaphilia? Does that kinda mean we're kind of buying into the idea that they IR must be based of off asiaphilia?

Buying into it or not, the fact that at least a significant minority of them are based off of asiaphilia adds to the notion.

Oh, and I just wanted to say that, while I may be against it, there are degrees of "against". I think that IR is only a slight bother, and not much to get worked up over, or something I may not be totally comfortable with but need to tolerate.

SynRG

05-28-2004, 12:40 AM

Now I live in Japan. And almost every IR I see here involves guys who can't get any in the US (based on looks alone and my judgement of them). If you've heard American expats living in Japan talk about "yellow cabs" or "kaiten sushi" in a reference to Japanese women, it will sicken you.

Then I've enountered the Army dudes and Mormons in Korea, both of whom think they are civilizing the world.

So the sum of my negativity is due to asiaphilia, and my experieces in college and since.

Like I said above tho.. IR overseas is a whole different ballgame. Back in the states IR relationships don't really have the same sort of "colonialist" or "western-imperialist" overcast to them like the do out here.. also white people that decide they wanna settle down in Asia usually have some sort of underlying reason... (unless they are just coming here seeking better opportunity) like some, especially the English Teaching crowd, are running away from something in their home countries or have this illusion that Asia is their dream world/playland kind of place. Then of course you have the military guys and missionaries (ugh). So yeah, the amount of fucked-up, asiaphilic white dudes in Asia is always going to appear dominant.

Buying into it or not, the fact that at least a significant minority of them are based off of asiaphilia adds to the notion.

Oh, and I just wanted to say that, while I may be against it, there are degrees of "against". I think that IR is only a slight bother, and not much to get worked up over, or something I may not be totally comfortable with but need to tolerate.

True and agreed. So far I haven't seen anyone post in this thread who is ademently for or against... most people here seem to realize that at the end of the day other people's relationships are their own business. Perhaps how "comfortable" we are with IR relationships would be a better way to word it than whether or not we are "for or against"

Napoleon Chynamite

05-28-2004, 12:42 AM

meh same race relationships are all fetish fishing too

i mean a white guy dates a white women cuz (sub)conciously he has white fetish

Not really though...cause I see a fetish more as an unhealthy and unreasonable obsession with a culture or women of a certain look of a certain culture (since we're talking about white male asiaphiles here), a culture that the fetishist knows very little about excluding superficial aspects like mainstream media and pop icons, and/or generalizations/stereotypes that may or may not apply to the majority of the population of the exotified culture. I'd say the vast majority of white guys who prefer white girls are not 'obsessed' or 'exotifying' white American culture, but merely base their preferences on familiarity in terms of mannerisms and looks, and it's safe to assume that most of us come to be attracted to what we are around the most or the most familiar with. The same can be said about Asian men living in Asia who have grown up around Asian women all their lives. Asian American men growing up around whites and suddenly becoming "reborn" in college after hanging out with more Asian girls is...another story...haha

rice cracker

05-28-2004, 07:18 AM

Are we defending our own IRs or discussing why we feel the way we each individually do about the general concept of IR?

SunWuKong

05-28-2004, 07:19 AM

irony is this:

One of the most common things I've noticed as long as I've been a moderator of this forum is that I find myself having to steer discussions away from debating about IR or move entire threads that were started to discuss IR when having actually no connection to hapas at all.

So, then hapas, what IS your view on IR?

:tongue: i'll leave it up to BTR to decide whether or not he wants to split the thread.

AliBabaIncorporated

05-28-2004, 09:04 AM

Interracial relationships, I don't really mind, as long as the couple isn't one of those types who keeps going on about how special and tolerant they are. (Though that usually doesn't happen until they get married). To be honest, even if the guy has an Asian fetish, I'm not that concerned as long as he isn't damn creepy/nerdy and you damn well know he couldn't get any other girls.

There's one type of IR that really gets on my nerves: so-called "international relationships" where the two sides don't know each other's culture and language very well at all. Inevitably, they fall into using the "framework" of one of the partners to interact with each other, but do it very badly, to the extent you wonder how they communicate. You can tell this type when the girl introduces the guy to all her friends (or vice versa), he can barely follow the conversation, all the jokes and cultural references were flying over his head, and the girl has to take time out from her friends to entertain the guy and translate for him.

I am not ashamed to admit I actively try to keep these kinds of people out of my circle of friends. Especially the ones where one party insists on interacting not only with their S.O. but also with me using a language and cultural framework they plainly don't know well. (Usually Asian women, but sometimes Asian men, who wanna show off how Westernized they are, so they talk English and tell badly outdated anecdotes and jokes, or conversely a Western guy trying to show off his Chinese. On one occasion, a Japanese girl trying to show off how Hongkongified she thought she was.). I guess that's kinda hypocritical of me cuz my Taiwanese sucks ass and my Mandarin's only average ...

On the other hand, I always it was really cool to see those relationships where the two people came from different cultures but end up meeting on the "neutral ground" of yet a third culture and language. I guess the most common example of this is people who went to international schools in two different countries and then meet at university in the US/UK. Though like 4 years ago I went on two dates with this Korean girl with whom my only common language was Japanese.

thaite

05-28-2004, 11:21 AM

I 'm late to this thread, so i'll just spout my view.

I don't condemn IR, but neither do I condone it as some kumbaya everybody ought to be in one answer to racism. I'm sometimes suspicious about the motivations of some of the people I observe in IR, but unless the power balance is skewed in some abusive way, I tend to keep my mouth shut.

My own parents relationship was a failure not because of racial differences, but through other shortcomings that may have been exacerbated by those differences. I think that IR has some inherent difficulties not found in same-race relations, but I also think that can be worked through.

For myself, I am of the opinion that every relationship i'm in is going to be an IR -- with white women and with Asian women (and whatever other race I happen to date). Even though i identify as an AA, I realize that's not the way other AAs may see me and that's something I always bear in mind.

kimpossible

05-28-2004, 04:59 PM

Generally, no. I don't support it. I don't support the legacy of colonial efforts of the West that has resulted in an outmarriage disparity between Asian American males and females. I don't support the romanticized intercultural/interracial Romeo & Juliet crap or the idea that having a relationship with a partner of another race creates utopian colorblind couples or families.

My lack of support for it doesn't equate my condemnation of every IR, but I am generally suspicious of it in its typical white male and Asian female form. Additionally, I've come to realize over the last few years that there's a freaky regiment of white American (and some other) Asiaphile females. To each their own, they don't need to check with me to take care of their business and I in return don't need to support it.

This is my personal point of view. I also feel that the responses written by other mixed Asians here were both intelligently expressed, and have pretty much covered the gamut of what would represent my personal take. No need to repeat.

AngryABCGirl

05-28-2004, 09:28 PM

Well, since I helped steer the discussion away, how do hapas feel about talking to or hearing from non-hapas about their opinions on IR and are we at all justified for our opinions?

BeTheReds

05-28-2004, 09:41 PM

Well, since I helped steer the discussion away, how do hapas feel about talking to or hearing from non-hapas about their opinions on IR and are we at all justified for our opinions?

Sure you're justified in having them.

I can only speak for myself, and not all hapas, but things that bother me are when IR threads sprout up here because people thought train works like this:

Interracial Relationships------->Hapas parent's are an Interracial Relationship----------->Let's post my IR rant in Hapas. So then it has nothing to do with hapas at all.

I think anyone can have any opinion on IRs that they want to, but I certainly wish that those "for" IR wouldn't go out of their way to show us their IRs in an effort to become friends with us, and those "against" IR wouldn't channel that into hatred for us.

yoMAMA

05-28-2004, 10:32 PM

this page would reach 200 pages in modelminority.....

;)

[not gonna get into it....] ;)

BeTheReds

05-28-2004, 10:35 PM

this page would reach 200 pages in modelminority.....

;)

[not gonna get into it....] ;)

I didn't realize that there were so many hapas on MM. Cuz without the hapas, this wouldn't be a thread at all. It'd be an IR rant.

Filiprish

05-28-2004, 10:51 PM

I didn't realize that there were so many hapas on MM. Cuz without the hapas, this wouldn't be a thread at all. It'd be an IR rant. Actually, there aren't many hapas at MM. On the other hand, there are tons here at YW. Maybe b/c it's more hospitable, I don't know. As for the hapas at MM, there's not many, at all -- there's probably only 4-5 regularly-posting hapas. Wait, make it 3-4. :wink:

BeTheReds

05-28-2004, 11:41 PM

Actually, there aren't many hapas at MM. On the other hand, there are tons here at YW. Maybe b/c it's more hospitable, I don't know. As for the hapas at MM, there's not many, at all -- there's probably only 4-5 regularly-posting hapas. Wait, make it 3-4. :wink:
Most likely this thread wouldn't exist there then.

Anyway, lets not talk about other sites so much and get back to the discussion.

Filiprish

05-29-2004, 12:36 AM

BeTheReds:

No, this thread would not be started there. As for EAN, I think there are sevaral threads similar to this there.

It about time I share my view on the subject. I say, yes, usually always. Basically, it's their business as most others, so far, have stated.

As for me, I've dated several non-"brown" (Asian/Hispanic) women aka women of European descent -- never one of African descent. Almost did, though, I though I was in love with one I had a class with (it wasn't meant to be). :wink: My preference is Filipinas and Latinas. I like hapas to but they're relatively obscure and rare to really have a preference for them. So, I've never dated women other than Filipinas and Euras (<--female women of European descent, made that up), though. That means I've never dated a Latina, despite having a preference for them. Fetish? No. To me, it's a matter of being able to relate my experiences with as a minority -- I have many Latin-o/-a friends -- this is why I prefer Filipinas, as well, but culture comes into play. As a Filipino, I can relate to Latinos, not just Latinas, in ways I can't to another race, even other Asians -- yes, I am one of those Filipinos. I wouldn't rule out dating/marrying a woman of any descent. It just really depends on the woman. Depsite the latter, I'm finding it difficult to find non-Euras I'm able to relate to. It seems like too many non-Euras in the US try to be as Asian or Hispanic or "black" as they can. I am one to adhere to my environment, IMO, it's called survival and adaptation. This means I'm somewhat "white-washed," partly due to being hapa and my environment -- no way am I a "sell-out," though. Does that mean I think "white is right?" Does that mean I'm undemocratic and unwilling to change America's popular culture and idea of All-American? Hell no and definitely hell no. I just think it's best for one's self interests -- can't move mountains overnight -- to adapt to one's environment. Btw, just in case your're curious, I look like a light-skinned Latino. Anyways, I might have to resort to dating/marrying a Eura b/c "white-washed" women of Asian or Latina descent, that I can relate to, are hard to come by. What is my definition of being "white-washed." I don't know, maybe, having grown up in suburbia like me. While I value that special bond of being a minority, I don't want a relationship based on us two against the wolrld aka "white America" -- that's why a need a "brown" girl with love for and hangs out witheveryone -- a girl a lot like my sister. :eek: What complicates things even more is that Asians other than Filipinos are foreign to me. I've participated in many all-Asian organizations/events and I can't relate to other Asian in the way I can Filipinos and Hispanics -- even "white" and "black" people. It's obviously due to a lack in exposure, there just isn't many Asians besides Filipinos where I'm from. I'm not saying I haven't met some cool Asians. I've met some and know some kick-ass Asians. Anyways, this makes my prospects even narrower. Well, where I see myself in 10 years is important to who I'll end up with. I want a career in politics (one dealing with environmental matters), live in a mixed-income, but affluent, community on a lake with a golf course nearby, have a boat and jetskis, drive a Mercedes C-class or BMW 5-series, and the whole nine yards -- pretty much live the "American Dream." So, whomever female that comes along that I can see myself living the life I want for myself happily with is whom I'm going to date/marry. Who knows what race that lady will be. :confused:

kimpossible

05-29-2004, 10:10 AM

Well, since I helped steer the discussion away, how do hapas feel about talking to or hearing from non-hapas about their opinions on IR and are we at all justified for our opinions?

By non-hapas do you mean Asians or otherwise? Because there is a wealth of difference between my esteem of what you have to say about IR versus some non-Asian guy who just happens to be attracted to girls with silky black hair. </sarcasm>

Hell, I'd rather deal with the most rabid Asian male IR hater (and even hapa hater) than some whiny shit non-Asian that goes on and on about how he's braved discrimination to be with his beautiful Asian woman and foams at the mouth when he's called on being an Asiaphile.

So, depends on who the opinion is coming from. If it was a well formed opinion I'd do my best to give it the proper listen. I'm sure I could be schooled by a number of different people.

SunWuKong

05-29-2004, 11:12 AM

Hell, I'd rather deal with the most rabid Asian male IR hater (and even hapa hater) than some whiny shit non-Asian that goes on and on about how he's braved discrimination to be with his beautiful Asian woman and foams at the mouth when he's called on being an Asiaphile.

interesting thought (http://forums.yellowworld.org/showthread.php?p=292540#post292540)

Mr.Lum

05-29-2004, 12:02 PM

I usually dont care. it doesnt affect me.

it would be stupid for me to be against them too because Im mixed.

thaite

05-29-2004, 01:54 PM

eeeexxcellent...

kimpossible

05-29-2004, 03:47 PM

Pretty strong opinion, I'm surprised. But kudos for wanting to discuss this issue within this context. I guess I'd always assumed most mixed Asians would also either open to it or lean towards being positive towards it.

Well what do we mean by support here? I interpreted to have a similar meaning to advocate, as in promote and cheerlead IR couplehood. My pet peeve often involves not understanding how successful interracial or intercultural couples do any more work or comprimising than any other successful couple. Then again I don't see much, if any, difference between same gender couples and man/woman couples or think one takes more work than the other to be successful as far it concerns the two parties only in that intimate relationship.

I don't want to speak for Eugene but I think we have a similar view in that we don't much care either way until prompted for an opinion that requires a yes/no answer or if we have a reaction to someone else pointing it out or making a big to-do about it.

For me there's a large difference between being inherently intolerant of IR coupling and simply not supporting it, which in my eyes equates to somewhere between indifference and mostly silent skepticism.

BeTheReds

05-30-2004, 05:20 PM

it would be stupid for me to be against them too because Im mixed.

That's too easy of an answer. Have you actually thought about it?

Mr.Lum

05-30-2004, 05:59 PM

yes. I dont really care. other people. doesnt affect me. my parents made a decision for themselves and for my sister and me. deal with it, its not like its a sin.

Filiprish

05-30-2004, 06:25 PM

yes. I dont really care. other people. doesnt affect me. my parents made a decision for themselves and for my sister and me. deal with it, its not like its a sin. I agree. Further content edited by BeTheReds because the contents could have been placed in a PM.

BeTheReds

05-30-2004, 06:51 PM

yes. I dont really care. other people. doesnt affect me. my parents made a decision for themselves and for my sister and me. deal with it, its not like its a sin.

No, it isn't a sin. But are you completely comfortable with seeing it everwhere else besides in your own home? Or has your parents' relationship been a huge contributing factor to your view?

If you've thought significantly about it, then I'm sorry for prying, but simply saying "I am obligated to support it because I'm mixed" leads me to think that you're one to be swayed by a simple argument.

Not trying to insult you so sorry if it's coming out that way..

Mr.Lum

05-30-2004, 07:09 PM

No, it isn't a sin. But are you completely comfortable with seeing it everwhere else besides in your own home? Or has your parents' relationship been a huge contributing factor to your view?

yes I am. its another couple. its not like I have an inimate connection with them. I think it would be hypocrtical for me to have a set of parents who are IR and then say ""its wrong!". plus thats insulting to them I think, "your marriage was wrong" and in effect saying that their creation(s) is wrong.

BeTheReds

05-30-2004, 07:18 PM

I think it would be hypocrtical for me to have a set of parents who are IR and then say ""its wrong!".

No, it isn't hypocritical. You're basically saying that it's wrong to have a certain opinion because of something that is totally not under your control, or that you should think a certain way because of the circumstances under which you were born.

plus thats insulting to them I think, "your marriage was wrong" and in effect saying that their creation(s) is wrong.

What about cases where the parents have divorced and they themselves say that the marriage was wrong?

I don't think you've really put enough thought into it if you're not going to at least admit that sometimes IR isn't right.

I commend you for not letting it bother you at all though.

Mr.Lum

05-30-2004, 07:22 PM

What about cases where the parents have divorced and they themselves say that the marriage was wrong?

my parents are divorced. the marriage itself was in some ways wrong, but the idea behind it, IR was not. it didnt have anything to do with race.

No, it isn't hypocritical. You're basically saying that it's wrong to have a certain opinion because of something that is totally not under your control, or that you should think a certain way because of the circumstances under which you were born.
no, Im talking about the idea, the circumstance (yes) is not wrong. the relationship itself can be but the IR aspect cannot in my view. marriage is not always "right", but that doesnt make marriage as a whole wrong. if people are together, they are together. as long as there is no abuse, it is healthy.

BeTheReds

05-30-2004, 07:27 PM

my parents are divorced. the marriage itself was in some ways wrong, but the idea behind it, IR was not. it didnt have anything to do with race.

no, Im talking about the idea, the circumstance (yes) is not wrong. the relationship itself can be but the IR aspect cannot in my view. marriage is not always "right", but that doesnt make marriage as a whole wrong. if people are together, they are together. as long as there is no abuse, it is healthy.

I see, so you're just saying that the idea behind IR in itself isn't wrong.

Mr.Lum

05-30-2004, 07:31 PM

yes, I dont think IR is wrong, I think the people are wrong.

BeTheReds

05-30-2004, 07:38 PM

yes, I dont think IR is wrong, I think the people are wrong.

So then, you're saying it doesn't bother you because you generally believe that most people are in it for the right reasons?

Mr.Lum

05-30-2004, 07:46 PM

yeah. I pretty much give them the benefit of the doubt. mostly because I just dont care. I think alot of people think about IR too much and it can hold them back.

BeTheReds

05-30-2004, 07:49 PM

I think alot of people think about IR too much and it can hold them back.

I agree with you there. For some people this seems like a HUGE problem.

SunWuKong

05-31-2004, 12:20 AM

if a non-mixed person may put his two cents in...

i don't know if i can elaborate this correctly, but i don't really feel that mixed people are a direct result of interracial relationships. it's more like an indirect result. unless, of course, the couple got together because they wanted to make "beautiful mixed children". i mean, people don't get into relationships for the purpose of having children, or at least that is not the whole reason. they get into relationships because they want companionship, love, whatever. what just happens to come out of these relationships, amongst other things, are mixed children. so in that sense, it seems to me that mixed children are more of an indirect than a direct result of an interracial relationship.

BeTheReds

05-31-2004, 12:49 AM

SunWuKong

05-31-2004, 03:37 AM

first, sorry for my drunk post - its been two years since ive been in japan, and the onsen made me dizzy.

second, your musings arent entirely correct rad. i can sincerely say (because i asked her directly) that my mother did marry for the `beautiful mixed children`, and she also informed me that many of her friends had acted under similar motivations. she married the next available gaigin in tokyo (unfortunately my asshole of a father) for the purpose to have my sister and i, to get her father off her back on getting married finally (she was in her late twenties), and desiring adoring coos from strangers on how `kawaii` us `haafu` girls are.

love,
prof. frink

ok :tongue:
maybe it happens more often than i think.

optimism, you will be my downfall.

anyway, my point is that unless your parents specifically married/bred so they can have "beautiful mixed children", i don't think it's an entirely valid conclusion for a mixed person to come to that it is hypocritical for him/her to be against interracial relationships.

orasifamanrags

06-01-2004, 04:01 AM

i don't believe one should go around advocating relationships whatever the type.

rice cracker

06-03-2004, 07:38 PM

Hmmm, maybe this is obvious, but how each hapa identifies could sway their opinion of IR more in one direction than the other? As in, hapas that identify more as mixed Asian than non-Asian or Asian are inclined to have a totally different view than the other two?

Did someone say this already? I have a headache and need to lie down.

BeTheReds

06-03-2004, 09:12 PM

Ron

06-03-2004, 09:44 PM

I agree it does. Mixed Asians is the PC way of looking at our hapanism (is that a word)? :smile:

But it should really be based on how we were raised, whether we've felt Asian or White.

BeTheReds

06-03-2004, 10:24 PM

I agree it does. Mixed Asians is the PC way of looking at our hapanism (is that a word)? :smile:

But it should really be based on how we were raised, whether we've felt Asian or White.

Huh?

SynRG

06-03-2004, 11:39 PM

Ron1.. I have no idea what you just said. Could u pls clarify that?

Ron

06-04-2004, 06:04 PM

Oops my bad I was like drunk (yes you can drink at 18 here!!!) or something when typing that. I had no idea what I meant too. :confused:

Okay, trying to get back. Anyway, I probably meant to say that for hapas the way we're raised is how we end up feeling. That was totally obvious. Man was I hella tired or something.

Back on topic, I do support IR, because I'm in one right now.

BeTheReds

06-06-2004, 05:04 PM

Back on topic, I do support IR, because I'm in one right now.

Isn't that answer a little bit too easy though? I mean, simply because you are in one doesn't mean you have to think all of them are okay....

Mr.Lum

06-06-2004, 05:35 PM

SynRG

06-06-2004, 06:20 PM

Isn't that answer a little bit too easy though? I mean, simply because you are in one doesn't mean you have to think all of them are okay....

I think it would be wierder if he was in an IR relationship but yet "against" IR, as opposed to if he was in an IR relationship and supported IR. That seems to be logical to me.

Also, to "support" IR of course doesn't mean to think ALL IR relationships are "ok".. that would also be oversimplified :wink:

BeTheReds

06-06-2004, 06:26 PM

I think it would be wierder if he was in an IR relationship but yet "against" IR, as opposed to if he was in an IR relationship and supported IR. That seems to be logical to me.

Also, to "support" IR of course doesn't mean to think ALL IR relationships are "ok".. that would also be oversimplified :wink:

Okay well what's your definition of support?

For me, when I say "against", It's passively against, meaning it bothers me but I won't do anything about it.

"Support" for me has a connotation that you like seeing it, and you try to encourage it.

Perhaps a better word would be "unopposed"?

SynRG

06-06-2004, 07:00 PM

Okay well what's your definition of support?

For me, when I say "against", It's passively against, meaning it bothers me but I won't do anything about it.

"Support" for me has a connotation that you like seeing it, and you try to encourage it.

Perhaps a better word would be "unopposed"?

So your definition of "against" is passive but your definition of "support" is active? I guess like you are passively "against" IR I am passively "for" IR.. meaning yes I like seeing it but I really at the end of the day don't think it's my place to be telling people who they should date.. esp when it's because of race.

I think i said in an earlier post that it would probably be better if the question was "are you comfortable with IR" as opposed to "do you support/are against IR?" But I think I said that in the same post that got split into the IR thread in Women..

BeTheReds

06-06-2004, 07:15 PM

So your definition of "against" is passive but your definition of "support" is active? I guess like you are passively "against" IR I am passively "for" IR.. meaning yes I like seeing it but I really at the end of the day don't think it's my place to be telling people who they should date.. esp when it's because of race.

I think i said in an earlier post that it would probably be better if the question was "are you comfortable with IR" as opposed to "do you support/are against IR?" But I think I said that in the same post that got split into the IR thread in Women..

I guess support is an active word that can't be passive, that's why, you have to kind of do something, to support it. It's my fault for choosing support as the thread title. I think I'll go change that now...

asvenus

06-27-2004, 10:34 AM

wow this is such an interesting subject...glad members are articulate and intelligent enough to have made some amazing points wothout sounding like sick retarded bigots.

well, for me i would have to say i am not totally allyed to the idea of IR even though i am half Black and half Indian. this is for a plethora of reasons.
as someone mentioned earlier i believe it is rare to come across an IR couple that do not have some kind of fetish thing going on and also i think connotations or preconceptions we have of eachother play a huge part in when we choose our mates/partners
there are many IR couples out there who do believe that they are helping to create some kind of utopian dream world in which we are all brown, therefore racsim ceases to exist. that is a load of cow dung, as prejudice and racism exist among communities like latinos/south americans.

i mean on one hand i think the whole fetish thing is sick but then its like, loads of guys (particularly Black guys) like me because i have a big bottom, so isnt that a fetish?? and even for people who are mixed, we are seen as being in IR no matter who we date. If i date and Asian guy, im accused of selling out the Black race and if i date Black guys im seen as throwing aside my Asian roots. it is a confusing roundabout.
People make all this hullabaloo about 'sticking to your own'..but what exactly is that?? for me that could mean Jamaican or Indian, and on another scale as diverse as Chinese, Irish, Indian, Pakistani, African and Native American since all these 'races' are presnt in me...so where does that leave me?? And even me as a product of an IR going out with another 'product of IR could still be seen as being in an IR so its just all ridiculous in a sense...

People that have children based on what the children will look like, (mixed children), are playing a dangerous not to mention sick game. It is hard being 'mixed' at times, and being objectified into a commodity, like some kind of exotic plant grown for titillation can only make things worse.

I have dated quite a few half Black half Asian guys as i find them extremly attractive, but i have also been out with Brazililan, Portuguese and Swedish guys. currently i am 'seeing' a Japanese guy who i have known for years and so trust that he is not just playing out some kind of 'dark fantasy'...Who can say out of all those relationships which was based on the 'purest and truest' form of 'love'...i dont know...i just think we need to be aware of the choices we make and be unafraid to question ourselves and our motives as thats the only way we can move on. i know that when i see Black and Asian couples together i like it, compared to when i see White and non-white couple..this is probably down to personal bias.

one thing i do notice (in the U.K anyway) is that Japanese, Filipino, Vietnamese and Thai men are more likely that any other Asian man to date Black or half Black woman...Chinese guys usually go for White and Korean for other Asian women....

ChaCha

07-09-2004, 02:10 PM

I've dated asian men and a lot of times they brought up my mixed background (filipino/korean). Asian men that I've dated seemed more interested and curious because I was an odd mix. They would make innuendos as to see me naked because I was such a unique mix. Just for that sheer fact if anyone brought up anything negative or perverse about either of my ethnic side, I would no longer talk to them or see them. Of course I can tell the difference between about humourish sarcasms and their real intent. From personal experience, not judging any race on the whole, while dating I feel more pressured by asian men for sex or anything sexual. From MY exp. asian men seem to want to hurry the relationship instead of waiting for the relationship to naturally bloom on it's own. In short I felt more like I was some asian man's fetish when I was dating them.

I am currently in a inter racial relationship and he doesnt seem so hung up about my mixed background but accepting me as me, it wouldnt really make a difference if I were black or white to my boyfriend. He accepts me as his girlfriend who happens to be asian. I am so thankful my boyfriend has never pressured me or asked any fetish type fantasies and the whole fact he has courted me for so long without any "pushings" makes me feel truly appreciated knowing that I am special enough for any amount of his time.

kimpossible

07-26-2004, 12:12 PM

Now that we've changed the topic title from 'support' to 'feel comfortable' - absolutely.

Valida

07-27-2004, 12:05 PM

I'm in the "assume the best of people whom you don't really know" category. I mean, you don't know them, so you can't say "oh I bet it's just an Asian fetish" or "oh I bet she's just in it for the money." To me, that's being overly cynical. I always assume the best in people. If they have the wrong intentions, that yea, I'm against people with the wrong intentions - but there are lots of non-mixed-race relationships that are started for the wrong reasons. And I don't go around pointing fingers and questioning couples on the street as to whether they are together for the "right" reasons or not.

BeTheReds

03-09-2005, 10:32 PM

bump... all you lurkers always lookin at this forum, but can't find our most lengthy discussions cuz they're buried under more stupid threads

Chad

04-11-2005, 09:14 PM

I couldn't answer the poll because I can't honestly say if I support them or not. My feelings about it range from disconcern to mild disgust. People should marry/date whoever they want but I get grossed out by relationships in general. I think sometimes people get into interracial relationships for the wrong reasons.

pablohoney

05-12-2005, 03:44 PM

I don't really have strong feelings in general on IR. If two people love each other I couldn't care less about their race, sex, age, etc, but at the same time I'm too cynical to believe the saying "love is blind".

I have different opinions depending on the situation. For example, I've got a white friend who most would probably consider a "shogun" (he like animes, Japanese culture and women), but I don't really have a problem with it, if that's what floats his boat. He's a nice guy and I give him credit for going against social norms, and he is honestly interested about the culture and people. I would rather see him dating a Japanese woman than someone who has no understanding or respect for their culture. On the hand, I've got a female Japanese friend (raised in the states, but not a citizen) who will only date white guys and is obsessed with having hapa kids, which to me is a pretty fucked up attitude. No, she has never hooked up with my shogun friend (although I think that would actually be pretty funny if they did, knowing full well that they've objectified each other...oh, the irony!).

TABdad

05-23-2005, 08:52 AM

I will just add that my wife and I met in college, but never dated then, and simply were good friends (with an attraction below the surface); then years later (19 years later!) we came together when geography worked out (she moved to my city). Lots of things make our relationship, but I honestly was nervous about everything EXCEPT race when we started dating. After we started dating, she brought up the "interracial" issue and I was honestly kind of surprised, because I hadn't thought about it. She was raised in the US, but her parents have strong cultural traditions/ manners from their Hawaiian/Japanese births. So there are some, but not dominant, cross-cultural issues. I had never gone out with an Asian woman before, and can just honestly say there was no element of fetishism about our relationship.

I agree the cross-cultural marriages of US white guy marrying local Asian while in Asia carry lots of burdens, many not so much racial as cultural. And some white guys are fascinated by Asian women, obviously, and that kind of fetishism is bound to lead to failed relationships. But sometimes a relationship is really driven without regard to race. I don't say this like we're great or anything -- I am actually very uncomfortable when I sense some kind of implicit "compliment" from people us on being interracial (like making a statement is somehow the point of our marriage) -- but just to tell of one experience of a couple where the race was really the last thing in the relationship.

Our little hapa baby may wish he were pure somethingorother, and I agree he's entitled to that opinion some day. (I agree that just because he's hapa doesn't mean he has to be in favor of it.)

BeTheReds

05-23-2005, 05:28 PM

TABdad

05-24-2005, 07:42 AM

Hey guy... not to be an asswipe or anything, this thread is for hapas talking about how they individually feel about IR, not about how parents of hapas feel about it. If you want to discuss IR, the hapa forum is not the place you you to do it. Go look at one of the other illustrious threads on the topic. (Trust me, there are lots.. search for it...)

I'd have PMed you, but I can't till you post more.

People in this thread are talking about what they imagine is going on in the heads of Caucasians they see dating Asians, so these readers should be interested in evidence of the complexity of a relationship that isn't about some fetish. (I don't know how to get PMs.)

BeTheReds

05-24-2005, 06:12 PM

People in this thread are talking about what they imagine is going on in the heads of Caucasians they see dating Asians, so these readers should be interested in evidence of the complexity of a relationship that isn't about some fetish. (I don't know how to get PMs.)

I think after you have 10 posts or so, your PM function gets activated.

As for the thread... I'm sorry, but you don't have a place in this one. Like I said before, this thread is for hapas to talk about how they feel about IRs. Just leave it at that. If you want to defend your stance on IR or your own relationship, there are plenty of other threads on this site that would be more appropriate, or you could start a new one in rant room or something. I will not allow the integrity of this forum to be compromised because a full blooded person in an interracial relationship wants to justify his situation.

Most of the other threads in this forum I wouldn't object to your participation, but for ones like this that ask a specific question to hapas, your response only will detract from the main point of the thread.

LaiSteve66

08-15-2005, 12:29 AM

As a mixed person, I don't see anything wrong or unusual about IR. Growing up in it, it was perfectly normal to me. Just my two cents.

yuuteya

09-17-2005, 08:57 PM

What is meaning of I and R? its "International Relations"? but its political science term isnt it? not clear

anyway, based on the posts here i think its meaning is about international couples right? well why is that some issue? i never even knew there was a problem about it. so i think i am comfortable about it because i dont even think about it at all.

nola

09-18-2005, 12:11 PM

^It stands for interracial relationships, yuuteya.

yuuteya

09-19-2005, 05:42 PM

i guess the "IR" meaning similar to international couples. which are the couples that have one person from each a different country. but even that i dont really think about it because its not so important i think. its commonly happening i can see everywhere. personally i know 2 people, one is my friend his girlfriend is brazilian, and another he had a girlfriend from uganda before. they were international students. personally my experience, before i had a filipino girlfriend but she returned to her home country. then i tried to pursue a girl from india, she was sooo beautiful :smile: but then she transferred to another university :frown: now my girl is japanese, but shes a real maniac of spain. she studied spanish and taking flamenco dancing every week :confused: maybe the ghost of a foreigner is inside her body :eek:

returntosender

09-19-2005, 07:30 PM

The smart money says it ain't no ghost.

AliBabaIncorporated

09-20-2005, 07:20 AM

i guess the "IR" meaning similar to international couples
"International couple" (a word heavily overused in Japan) is orthogonal to "interracial relationship". The vast majority of interracial relationships involve two sides who grew up in the same country within the same culture. Only a small proportion of those are interracial relationships. And on the other hand, "international couples" are largely composed of intraracial couples (Chinese marrying Japanese, etc.) and even intraethnic couples (Japanese marrying returnees/overseas born Japanese, etc.).

The usual image of an "international couple", and the reason why the term gives me the creeps, is a relationship in which one side has to act as a sort of liaison between the mainstream society and their largely unassimilated partner --- way too much of a power imbalance to form a healthy relationship. On the other hand, I always thought it was kinda neat when two foreigners living abroad meet on the neutral ground of a third country and culture alien to both of them, and all their interactions with each other get filtered through the lens of that culture. Usually it's the case of two foreign students from different countries who meet in the US and end up using English to communicate. Though I guess it also happens a lot in Japan; back when I was studying I went on several dates with a Korean girl with whom my only common language was Japanese ...

Chad

09-20-2005, 08:25 AM

The usual image of an "international couple", and the reason why the term gives me the creeps, is a relationship in which one side has to act as a sort of liaison between the mainstream society and their largely unassimilated partner --- way too much of a power imbalance to form a healthy relationship. On the other hand, I always thought it was kinda neat when two foreigners living abroad meet on the neutral ground of a third country and culture alien to both of them, and all their interactions with each other get filtered through the lens of that culture. Usually it's the case of two foreign students from different countries who meet in the US and end up using English to communicate.
This is kind of the case with my parents. My father was a migrant laborer who had hitch-hiked from Malaysia to around central asia and eastern europe in the 1960's where he did various jobs in hotels and autoshops. My mother was a wayward American youth who was just hanging out in Austria with friends. Details are sketchy about how they met, but they went to Malaysia to get married. They were going to live there at first but I guess my mother got homesick so they moved to the US.
At first she had more power as the native but later he had more after he got a better job and adjusted to the new place. But now as they are old she is having more power since he depends on her more to care for him.

yuuteya

09-20-2005, 08:13 PM

The smart money says it ain't no ghost.

:shock: oh well, thats life.

besides, im not a ghost either.. :biggrin:

The usual image of an "international couple", and the reason why the term gives me the creeps, is a relationship in which one side has to act as a sort of liaison between the mainstream society and their largely unassimilated partner --- way too much of a power imbalance to form a healthy relationship.

Great official definiton

yuuteya

09-21-2005, 06:19 PM

"International couple" (a word heavily overused in Japan) is orthogonal to "interracial relationship". The vast majority of interracial relationships involve two sides who grew up in the same country within the same culture. Only a small proportion of those are interracial relationships. And on the other hand, "international couples" are largely composed of intraracial couples (Chinese marrying Japanese, etc.) and even intraethnic couples (Japanese marrying returnees/overseas born Japanese, etc.).

"interracial relationship" (a word heavily overused in America and anywhere else where race is essentialized as social default.)

i prefer "international couple", it less pedantic and dogmatic.

jongeh

10-27-2005, 05:19 PM

so here's my question. if you yourself are a multi-racial person, wouldn't it be just as interracial if you were to date a white person as it would be if you dated an asian person? i understand the whole white people with asian fetish issue, but what about the asian person with a hapa fetish issue?

Chad

10-27-2005, 05:23 PM

so here's my question. if you yourself are a multi-racial person, wouldn't it be just as interracial if you were to date a white person as it would be if you dated an asian person?
Yes.

kimpossible

10-27-2005, 05:26 PM

but what about the asian person with a hapa fetish issue?

it doesn't feel quite the same. at least to me. the asian with the hapa fetish kind of sees you as a special flavor or asian extract (from the hapa point of view). there's no specific racial fetish. but it's still annoying and could result in a flash in the pan relationship if there's nothing else there.

if any of the monoracial asians want to fess up to being a hapaphile they might be able to tell you differently from their point of view.

jongeh

10-27-2005, 05:33 PM

Yes.

yeah, i guess what i mean is, it seems that a lot of the bi/multi-racial people here are saying that they're not, but then they are saying that they date asian people (or that it mostly means interracial if it is someone other than asian).

couldn't a hapa be considered to have an asian fetish? where do you draw the line of just a person preferring one of their races over the other compared to a fetish?

just curious about opinions, not trying to rock the boat. :tongue:

Chad

10-27-2005, 06:29 PM

I guess anybody could have an asian fetish, including asians. The difference would be dating people as a matter of consequence of having similar interests, ending up at the same places, being connected through common social circles, and having similar values and dating people because you actively seek them out because of your fetish.
If a hapa says that dating a non-Asian is interracial but dating an Asian is not, then it probably means that they identify as Asian which would also explain their interest the YW forum.

thaite

10-27-2005, 10:34 PM

yeah, i guess what i mean is, it seems that a lot of the bi/multi-racial people here are saying that they're not, but then they are saying that they date asian people (or that it mostly means interracial if it is someone other than asian).

Well, I would venture to say that the hapas who frequent this forum identify more strongly as Asian than they do with their other race/ethnicity. Go have a look at a hapa forum and you'll see many more who identify with their other half and don't date Asian.

couldn't a hapa be considered to have an asian fetish? where do you draw the line of just a person preferring one of their races over the other compared to a fetish?

Sure, just like a hapa could have a white or black or other fetish.

Chad

11-26-2005, 11:09 PM

LaiSteve66

11-26-2005, 11:36 PM

not really relevant to this topic, but today this AM/WF couple came into my workplace and they were quite young and already married. i knew from checking their ID's. this is a rare sight in my area.
it kind of threw me off for a second and i double-checked her ID because i am used to seeing asian girls with a white surname on their ID but not vice versa.

AM/WF is pretty common in Houston. I know this Vietnamese family where three of the brothers are married to White Women and another brother had dated White women but ended up marrying a Vietnamese woman. Most of the American born half Viets and a significant number of other Half Asians I've met are products of AM/WF. A have a cousin with a Hispanic women and another who lost his v-status to a White girl and my friend had a Cambodian roommate that was with a White woman. I guess that's why Houston seems to be absent of sexually frustrated Angry Asian Men.

BeTheReds

04-09-2007, 10:58 AM

bumped for benefit

ru a banana?

04-09-2007, 11:13 AM

BeTheReds

04-10-2007, 06:22 AM

people are people To me, to say that the majority of ir relationships are due to a fetish is like saying that asians are a fad, w/o substance, something to like and then forget. Most fads only last about 6-12 months give or take a few, (though there are the minority of people who still think rastas on caucasians are cute..) Parents still going strong after 33yrs. She Cauc. still says she new he AM was the one.

I think it's statistically impossible to determine whether or not a realationship is based on fetishes or stereotypes, but I've just encountered so many ignorant white guys in my travels that my mentality on the subject is skewed. Of course, I realize it's none of my business either way, so it's not like it even matters. Furthermore, I've been starting to give more people the benefit of the doubt.

ru a banana?

04-10-2007, 10:55 AM

aaaaaahhhhh, I do not like ignorant white guys who give all white people bad name either.
The ones who think asian women are "Cute most of the time" (From Chinese Triad in intro's section) I'm not cute most of the time in the sense of personality. I think they need to understand we asian women have as much chance as non asians at having that bitch factor. (o;

BeTheReds

05-13-2008, 08:18 AM

Crystal Clear...

snow ninja

05-13-2008, 10:32 AM

no i don't because i always will feel that they have sold us out and insulted us. I cant help it.

however i do understand that alot of girls will get who ever comes around.

And i also blame too many asian guys shy and not stepping up.

BeTheReds

05-13-2008, 05:47 PM

Reminder: This thread is for mixed Asians to discuss and debate. Monoracial Asians should not air their own opinions of IR in this thread. Discussion of the issue should be on mixed Asians and how mixed Asians feel about IR.

Thanks.

halfbreed007

08-04-2008, 01:58 PM

The way that I feel about it is that you should date who you want to date, and to hell with anyone who thinks other. I feel that everyone should date outside there race at lest once. Sometime I feel that if other races interacted with other races tried wouldn't be so many stereotypes.

The one thing I hate the most is when I hear ppl say things like “ewe..... I could never date a Back/White/Asian/Spanish person that’s nasty." and there only reason for feeling that way is because of the color of there skin.
So yes, I’m all for IR dating there should be more of it

King Kronik

08-20-2008, 01:21 AM

deez nuts

08-20-2008, 06:04 AM

Sunflare

08-20-2008, 09:38 AM

I am against Interracial Relationships BECAUSE it is the reason I exist. Unless ALL Eurasians breed and mix together and form our own community, we are a shit mongrel race that might as well be sterilized and wiped off the face of the earth.

Any Eurasians that don't like my opinion WILL be targeted for extermination.

*sigh* I don't think your problems should all be based on IRs. The problem may be your negaitive outlook on life, and your self esteem. You sound like you hate yourself for who you are as a mixed person. That's not good.

Rather, perhaps you should be grateful that there are Asians in IRs because you are alive as a result. You should be proud of your Eurasian dual heritage. I know I am.

Edit : However don't get me wrong, I can understand that you may feel out in the cold because of the unfortunate prejudice directed against mixed Asians. But don't let it tear you down. Instead, rise above it and let yourself shine in self confidence in who you are. The hell what other people think concerning your dual heritage. Learn to accept yourself for who you are. Only then will you be happy and content with yourself. Then your outlook will change for the better.

kimpossible

08-20-2008, 11:12 AM

Any Eurasians that don't like my opinion WILL be targeted for extermination.

That's gonna be one hell of a plane ticket, mate.

Sunflare

08-20-2008, 11:20 AM

Any Eurasians that don't like my opinion WILL be targeted for extermination.

I was going to just absorb this particular but I will have to admit, this segment of the comment is kinda a tad bit extreme. I'll take it as just the spur of the moment feeling as reflected in your comment.

BTW, I'm not Eurasian. Does Afrochindians count on your hitlist for your master plan for mass ethnic genocide ?

deez nuts

08-20-2008, 01:04 PM

BTW, I'm not Eurasian. Does Afrochindians count on your hitlist for your master plan for mass ethnic genocide ?

You guys get 7 days a week picking cotton with alternating weekends working on the railroads.

Sunflare

08-20-2008, 01:05 PM

Oh Shit. ROFL.

kimpossible

08-20-2008, 01:07 PM

No worries, if he's King Kronik then all Mary Jane has to do is stroll by and then...

I was gonna kill all Eurasians but then I got high

Chooky

08-20-2008, 01:09 PM

Sunflare

08-20-2008, 01:10 PM

King Kronic.... Kronic.... slang for 'Weed' ... OK. He must have posted after he got high. I get it now, no wonder ...

(@_@)ooooOOO

Edit: Sounds more like a post from someone high off angel dust to tell you the truth.

kimpossible

08-20-2008, 01:10 PM

You gotta have some fun with trolling. Why so serious?

Sunflare

08-20-2008, 01:13 PM

Maybe we should call in the feds. King Kronic is going to exterminate all the hapas off the face of the planet.

I was gonna kill all Eurasians but then I got high

Maybe the poster should stick to posting while he's high then.

cloudzero

08-20-2008, 02:21 PM

but hapas can look anything from full white to full asian.
what would it take to be beaten half to death?
looking 1/4 white or 1/4 asian?

not to mention the full asians that look half white

cloudzero

08-20-2008, 02:57 PM

^hes just saying he hates being a hapa having to deal with stuff, thats all.
the killing part is just a bitter joke, dont take it literally

Sunflare

08-20-2008, 03:02 PM

^ You're right. I'll stop knocking him around.

Sunflare

08-20-2008, 04:21 PM

I am against Interracial Relationships BECAUSE it is the reason I exist. Unless ALL Eurasians breed and mix together and form our own community, we are a shit mongrel race that might as well be sterilized and wiped off the face of the earth.

Any Eurasians that don't like my opinion WILL be targeted for extermination.*sigh* I don't think your problems should all be based on IRs. The problem may be your negaitive outlook on life, and your self esteem. You sound like you hate yourself for who you are as a mixed person. That's not good.

Rather, perhaps you should be grateful that there are Asians in IRs because you are alive as a result. You should be proud of your Eurasian dual heritage. I know I am.

Edit : However don't get me wrong, I can understand that you may feel out in the cold because of the unfortunate prejudice directed against mixed Asians. But don't let it tear you down. Instead, rise above it and let yourself shine in self confidence in who you are. The hell what other people think concerning your dual heritage. Learn to accept yourself for who you are. Only then will you be happy and content with yourself. Then your outlook will change for the better..

Bumped up this comment so we can get back on track and get to the bottom of why this man feels the way he does. I'll absorb whatever he may say in angst and continue discussion. I might have misunderstood his intentions for his post.

King Kronik

08-20-2008, 08:19 PM

thaite

08-21-2008, 12:09 AM

good. see that you don't

King Kronik

08-21-2008, 01:37 AM

good. see that you don't

I'll kill you though

popculturepooka

08-21-2008, 02:46 AM

^ I heard that making threats over the internet is cool.

rice cracker

08-21-2008, 07:20 AM

This thread is awesome now.

deez nuts

08-21-2008, 07:50 AM

What's the big deal with IR anyways? Try going through a fat chick phase. I'm just glad my fat chick, I mean B.B.W., phase has finally passed.

kimpossible

08-21-2008, 07:50 AM

I'll kill you though

thaite does have that affect on people

Craig

08-21-2008, 08:00 AM

but hapas can look anything from full white to full asian.
what would it take to be beaten half to death?
looking 1/4 white or 1/4 asian?

not to mention the full asians that look half whiteThe full Asians that may look sort of white probably don't have the latent thoughts of being outed and treated differently / ostracized. The mixed people that look Asian and can possibly pass may have those thoughts in the back of their mind and that can noticeably effect their outlook / behaviour / perspective.

Sunflare

08-21-2008, 09:40 AM

I wrote that shit yesterday coming down off amphetamines. Had a bit of a depression session, everything negative weighing on my mind. It still fucks with my head sometimes though (being biracial) and I don't know why, just comes out really strong the day after a couple of nights on amphetamines. I couldn't really kill anybody.

It's all good. I understand now.

Well, you're not alone, there are many biracial people who feel the same way that you feel, who yet cannot exactly explain why they feel the way that they do.

It sounds like the crash from the amphetamines may be amplifying the fustration you already have, from living day after day as a hapa and the despair and fustration that it brings with it.

May I give some suggestions ?

I think the first step in getting over your feelings is to get back into a healthy state of body and mind. You won't be able to get control of your life until you get control of yourself first. Talking from experience.

I hate to say it, but you sound addicted to the amphetamine, it might not just be causing you to suffer serious bouts of depression but its also causing you to suffer anxiety attacks. There's short acting benzodiazepines that can counteract that. If you can, see a psychiratrist, one that will work with you. You may have to go through several psychiatrtrists before you can finally find the right doctor for you.

Once you achieved that, you may have to take a second look at what is causing you to become depressed. If you're taking recreational drugs ( which I have no qualms about ) keep in mind that it may cause you to suffer from depression over time. Hate to say it but if that's the case you might have to cut down and only fuck around with the mind altering substances only once in a blue moon. If that still does'nt help, then staying clean may be your only alternative.

There are other ways in which you can improve your mood. Excersize, meditation and so forth can all help to safely improve your mood and deal with negative feelings. Try to look into it.

The second step is to learn to love yourself for who you are. Assuming that you are Eurasian, you will have to forcibly block out of your own mind the negativity people bring with your dual heritage. Unfortunately society has a long way to go before things change for the better with us hapas, but what you can change is yourself. Once your outlook has changed and you feel better about yourself, you will notice people will gradually be drawn to you and the charisma that will shine out of your heightened personality. Then you'll be able to go places.

The third step once you are repped up and ready is to get control of your life. The way things are now may not exactly be the way you want it. So get going and do everything you can to change your own circumstances for the better. It's going to take a heck of alot of work, but trust me, with time as you put your life back together piece by piece, things will change for the better.

Me personally, I've been there. But it came to the point that I got sick of the bullshit, and decided to take action and get myself back in school and clean up my act, my attitude, and so forth. And it's working. I realize that I can't change the world reality but I can change the destiny of my own life. And so now I'm a much happier person then I used to be. I'm at relative peace with myself.

Even your dating life will improve. Definitely. I have no idea what your preferences are like in who you would want as a lover, but I can say this: People are naturally drawn to people that are confident in themselves, and who are caring towards others. The catch is that if you are in a gloomy state all the time, then the people that you may be interested in will not pay attention to you. Fucked up, I know but that's just the way it is. But if you are confident in yourself, it will natuarrly come out in the way you act, speak, etc. then the potential lovers will come with time.

Ultimately don't be overally concerned about your biracialness. You got too many other things to worry about now, then to focus solely on your problems concerning yourself as a Eurasian. It will just tear you down. Be proud for who you are, but realize too that there is more to life.

Once you are at the place where you want to be, and not what everyone else expects to to be at, then if you have any interests in geting back to your roots, then go for it ! Depending on where you are at, you can look into signing up for oganizations where other Eurasians meet to discuss their aspirations hopes and desires. Good place to find dates too. LOL.

I think the key is to learn to love yourself, and the fuck with what others think about you, then get back control of your life. Then as a hapa you'll be going places.