Should you pay?

[achtungbaby]

In this day of heightened progressiveness and egalitarian sensibilities...should we be paying all the damn time? I know I don't right now, since at this point, I'm pretty much my girlfriend's lackey, but what about the rest of y'all? Having been trained for battle in Ktown Los Angeles, I guess it was beaten into me that it's important to pay for all things when out with a female: the dinner, the drinks, the clubbing, etc...

[achtungbaby]

You cowards! No one wants to respond to this, eh?:)

[Mowgli_Wolf_Boy]

:D

Oh okay, I suppose I shall be the first, since you put it THAT way.

I'm not a cheapskate. I don't mind paying for a date, but after about a month of paying for everything without so much as an offer of "let me get it this time," I begin to question why exactly is this woman spending time with me? Is it because she enjoys my company, or is it because I'm funding her recreation? After that I begin to wonder if I'm a companion or just a financial servant.

[thaite]

Ditto that. Especially if she's not giving you any action. :evil:

[IKPakI]

Not to be mean, but i wish a girl whom you go out with pays once in awhile. Because...if you pay alot while going out on a date, and then she dumps you, it basically means she was using you for money.

[thaite]

Plus, guys [i:d6b58e1d41]always[/i:d6b58e1d41] pay -- if not with money then by putting up with a lotta crap -- guys always pay.

[Arex]

So long as the girl puts out, I don't mind paying. JUST KIDDING!! HAR HAR HAR. Okay, sorry.

I basically feel that whether or not a person pays should be determined by that person's ability to pay as opposed to some stupid, antiquated notion of proper gender roles. Thus, I don't mind paying as long as I've got the money. Likewise, as long as the girl's got money to burn, I don't mind being treated.

Alex

[achtungbaby]

[quote:6faaa80be8="buoywonder"]Plus, guys [i:6faaa80be8]always[/i:6faaa80be8] pay -- if not with money then by putting up with a lotta crap -- guys always pay.[/quote:6faaa80be8]

Now [i:6faaa80be8]there's[/i:6faaa80be8] a quote:)

[amietron]

hey-- i paid too

i got him his iced water
i washed his hair for him
i gave him whatever he wanted
his back massage with body oil
his foot massage with lotion
his this, his that ..

[IKPakI]

hey amietron, isn't that what a girl basically do for guys? i mean have you every paid for his things like food, apartment, car insurance?...lol

just kidding.

:lol:

[amietron]

[quote:27d9bd0153="IKPakI"]hey amietron, isn't that what a girl basically do for guys? i mean have you every paid for his things like food, apartment, car insurance?...lol

just kidding.

:lol:[/quote:27d9bd0153]

when i went to macaroni grill with sp and joyce, when it was time for the bill, our gay waiter gave it to sp, the guy. when i asked him why.. and questioned him, "isn't it sexist though? always giving the bill to the guy?" "yes, but that's just how it is in our society." and yes, our waiter was gay in truth. he was the coolest. he told sp "you're quite a gentleman to put up with these two."

umm. i paid for his candy and taxi fares. and his postcards! but then again, he paid for hotel, food, tickets, everything else. and it wasn't just ANY hotel either, it was the downtown san francisco hilton. pwahaha. :lol: so yes, he paid more $.. but i busted my balls for him too!

[mrazntre]

is it okay for a guy to pay... ?

screw this egalatarian society BS. even though women bitch about equality... they still play the double standard in that: they like to be treated, they like to have their doors opened for them, they like to be seated, they like to be spoiled with flowers and presents.

in this case, they revert to the submissive partner.

I myself am suckered into this whole gentleman thing. be a man. pay the damn meal. pay pay pay. we'd just better get used to it, cuz that's what we'll be doing for the rest of our lives.

i do prefer to pay because of the whole machismo thing, but i don't mind being treated (altho i do feel a lil twinge every time she picks up the check).

*sigh*

it ain't easy being a man these days.

[amietron]

[quote:e1de50dec9="mrazntre"]is it okay for a guy to pay... ?

screw this egalatarian society BS. even though women bitch about equality... they still play the double standard in that: they like to be treated, they like to have their doors opened for them, they like to be seated, they like to be spoiled with flowers and presents.

in this case, they revert to the submissive partner.

I myself am suckered into this whole gentleman thing. be a man. pay the damn meal. pay pay pay. we'd just better get used to it, cuz that's what we'll be doing for the rest of our lives.

i do prefer to pay because of the whole machismo thing, but i don't mind being treated (altho i do feel a lil twinge every time she picks up the check).

*sigh*

it ain't easy being a man these days.[/quote:e1de50dec9]

*HIGH FIVEs* for mrazntre for being a REAL MAN!
i agree with you a hundred thousand %.
i don't bitch about women's equality.

[karizma]

>> mrazntre: dude ur posts always make me laugh...props to you dude.

>> yknow...when you pay for a girls dinner and movie and drinks and whatnot and then at the end of the night you expect after all this to get some ass...wouldnt it be a lot easier just to get a prostitute? haha. i mean cmon here...you're dishing out a lot of money to satisfy this chick in hopes that later on she'll satisfy you. and when the date is over she still might not give it up so you luck out and you gotta do it all over again. just grab a girl off the corner...the cleanest one...and throw her a bill and you are guaranteed satisfaction...[and if you're lucky crabs!!]...haha okok given that most guys arent just lookin to get laid this isnt the best option :D....but yknow...you guys complain about spending money on shit and then the girl leaves you with blue balls...yea okie maybe i crossed the line with this one =)....

[mrazntre]

i feel like such a traitor.

I disagree. I used to pay alot for girl's meals and other acessories...then what did she do? She was using me....she left me & never heard from her.

Thats why i get paranoid when asking a girl out. I don't know how it would turn out.

[ChinaLama]

Well, even though I'm pretty sexist in SOME of my ideas, I'm pretty egalitarian when it comes to certain aspects of relationships.

My romantic side is a bit conflicted. on the one hand, paying for her is like saying "i don't care about money" but on the other hand, it doesn't feel EQUAL if i'm just paying for her, cuz it feels like she's just my bitch that i'm just spending money on. plus, i think does she really LOVE me if all she wants to do is let me pay?

And my practical side goes: hell, no, money is scarce, she should put up some too if she wants equality and shit.

Also, I guess I would distinguish between just paying and a girl accepting, versus a girl who activelY ASKS to be bought stuff...that feels like plain abuse to me, and i'm against that. people shouldn't ask to be treated, that just sounds undignified and it's using ppl for $.

BTW the previous paragraphs are all hypothetical. I've never had, still don't have, and probably won't have for a while, a girlfriend. :)

But I do have one female friend who i think is sometimes too forward about having guys spending money for her. And so i kinda know what i'm talking about.

[mrazntre]

if a bitch is telling me to pay or simply expecting me to pay all the time.. then.... i'll just drop her off at the corner i found her on.

[LilCPChik]

my guy nvr pays all he's paid 4 int he last 3 mo. is a movie ticket... oh well

[deez nuts]

I pay, but I take my dates to Sizzlers, pay $12.95 each and we go nuts at the salad bar. And we're the happiest! So bottom line is $12.95 is a small price to pay for happiness. Woohoo!

Seriously, I think it depends on the girl. I dated girls that liked to be pampered and others that insist on equality <shrug>. Women so confusing.

[J-Spence]

The only thing I ask is that the girl at least make a motion for her purse just to make me feel better. She and I both know that I am going to say, "It's ok, I've got it," or something like that. I think it's just common courtesy.
Fortunately for me it has never been an issue with my gf and I. We just alternate.

[achtungbaby]

[quote:c6a0a3cc44="mrazntre"]if a bitch is telling me to pay or simply expecting me to pay all the time.. then.... i'll just drop her off at the corner i found her on.[/quote:c6a0a3cc44]

You'd let her off that easy?!?!?

[DaBestSpooner]

I always feel obligated to put out if they paid

[kasia]

[quote:5812497ab2="DaBestSpooner"]I always feel obligated to put out if they paid[/quote:5812497ab2]

yeh...me too--those damn guys, eh?

[Saiko]

You people are complaining about paying? I'm complaining about not paying! My bf never lets me pay for him and vice versa. When he spends money on me, I end up sneaking the money back into his pockets. Though there is the occasional itty bitty thing. Like a can of pop or quarters in the arcade. I don't know about him, but I just don't like taking things from people. Makes me feel all guilty inside. Then again, I'd rather not spend hundreds and thousands of dollars on him. But come on! I'm not poor either. Dishing out a couple dollars for him won't kill me.
My friends and my sister poke me about this. Saying that I'm wasting a boyfriend by not letting him shower me in presents. But pft. I'm not about to listen to them. =P

[kasia]

[quote:a8018921cd="Saiko"]You people are complaining about paying? I'm complaining about not paying! My bf never lets me pay for him and vice versa. When he spends money on me, I end up sneaking the money back into his pockets. Though there is the occasional itty bitty thing. Like a can of pop or quarters in the arcade. I don't know about him, but I just don't like taking things from people. Makes me feel all guilty inside. Then again, I'd rather not spend hundreds and thousands of dollars on him. But come on! I'm not poor either. Dishing out a couple dollars for him won't kill me.
My friends and my sister poke me about this. Saying that I'm wasting a boyfriend by not letting him shower me in presents. But pft. I'm not about to listen to them. =P[/quote:a8018921cd]

it's cause you're chinese.

guys, do you think the ethnicity of the girl has any showing of how generous she is?

[mrazntre]

if the girl expects for me to pay all the time. then is she there for me? or so she can get a free meal? she'd better make a motion to pay, or suggest. etc.

would you stay with a girl that expected you to pay all the time?

[karizma]

>> the guy im kinda seeing right now...he wont let me pay...in fact i think he got kind of irked when i asked if i could pay haha, he got kinda mad that i bought him a shirt...25 bucks for an A/X shirt is NOT a lot outta my pocket...only thing he let me buy him was an ice cream =/...i dragged him to watch a movie he didnt wanna watch and he STILL wouldnt let me pay...wassup with this? is it an ego trip or something geez, saiko i feel ya girl haha....

[kasia]

okay, the whole motion to pay thing--

i've been doing that for probably the past seven years (i'm 23)--ever since i started dating. and it's crap. what would the point be? every time i had to pretend to motion to pay--and it's not like we don't know that we're pretending--my money would just be refused.

it's kinda like korean clubbing--the girls make half-ass attempts to get away from the waiters...

i stopped doing the motioning thing last year. whether it be with my bf or with people i knew were not going to let me pay anyway. i just sat back and watched them pay. i felt bad, but, at the same time, it was fun breaking the norm.

i'm just sick of pretending :wink:

[mrazntre]

KC: you owe me like 8 dinners. i'll let you pay

karizma: i believe that there is this belief among men/boys, that their woman/lady/girl/ho/bitch likes to feel secure and protected and taken care of. paying is the traditional way of showing the much desireable trait of security. It's the "men bring home the bacon" ideology that has persisted through history. i'll let you pay for me too.


Any women who feel cheated that their men pay for them, you can all make it up by taking me out to a dinner and a movie and paying for me. I won't even motion to pay. In fact, i'll just leave my wallet at home.

[achtungbaby]

In this day of heightened progressiveness and egalitarian sensibilities...should we be paying all the damn time? I know I don't right now, since at this point, I'm pretty much my girlfriend's lackey, but what about the rest of y'all? Having been trained for battle in Ktown Los Angeles, I guess it was beaten into me that it's important to pay for all things when out with a female: the dinner, the drinks, the clubbing, etc...

[SunWuKong]

i usually just do whatever the woman prefers, but i first assume that she would like me to pay - and most of the time that ends up being the case. one of my friends told me that she would object to the guy paying the bill when in reality she wants him to do it, just to test if he would object to her objection...


<_<

[Arex]

That's some shady shit...

So long as I have the money, I'll pay. But if she's in a better position to pay, fuck it, I don't mind letting her pay.

Alex

[AliBabaIncorporated]

i almost always pay. until it gets to a serious relationship. even if it then means i'm holding down two part time jobs aside from classes. i just feel really cheap any other way. even in a serious relationship - whenever my ex-girlfriend paid for me when we went out, or she lent me money at the grocery store cuz i "forgot my wallet" (i.e. my wallet had 2 bucks and a bunch of receipts in it so i left it at home), i felt like such a leech.

[Barbs]

DATING:

bottom line: guys should pay.

bottom line: girls should OFFER to pay.

bottom line: guys shouldn't actually ACCEPT.

RELATIONSHIPS:

bottom line: it should be about 70-30 or 60-40 depending on personal financial ability.

please just dont' let it be like that man in joy luck club who divided EVERYTHING exactly 50-50. ick.

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by Barbs@Aug 9 2002, 02:56 PM
who divided EVERYTHING exactly 50-50. ick.
well i'd like to think that when i marry someone, we'd have a joint bank account. isn't that what you're supposed to do? :huh:

[krissy]

While I can see how the 50/50 thing can be annoying (especially to the referenced Joy Luck Club extent), I think it just depends on with what you're comfortable. Once my exboyfriend and I started working, we actually prorated our rent based on our incomes (I made more than he did at the time), and split up the expenses approximately accordingly (we lived together for 3.5 years and we *are* both accountants :) ) But before that we usually took turns paying. Kinda anal, I guess, but I just don't like to feel like I owe anybody anything & want to try to be fair. I don't know how it works on dates though.

I think I remember reading somewhere that Cindy Crawford and her husband each put a percentage of their incomes into a joint account, then the remainder was his or her own to spend on whatever.

But now that I think about it, I can see how it's sometimes nice to be treated - as long as it's not breaking the boy.

[Barbs]

i'm ALL about separate bank accounts when i get married (if i get married). however, for those of you in CA, that's unfortunate because it's a community property state. in that case, if u live in Ca, i suggest sitting on ur ass and letting ur partner do the working amassing income and in the end, no matter what, 1/2 is yours. :rolleyes:

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by Barbs@Aug 10 2002, 06:09 AM
i'm ALL about separate bank accounts when i get married (if i get married). &nbsp;however, for those of you in CA, that's unfortunate because it's a community property state. &nbsp;in that case, if u live in Ca, i suggest sitting on ur ass and letting ur partner do the working amassing income and in the end, no matter what, 1/2 is yours. &nbsp;:rolleyes:
wait... so if you get married, who will put forth the money to spend for the family? i'm sorry if i'm asking too many questions, it's just that i haven't thought that far into my future yet. :P you said that in a relationship you would prefer it to be 70/30 or 60/40... and if you actually have seperate bank accounts if you get married, wouldn't that be just as anal as the 50/50 thing in joy luck club?



<!--EDIT|SunWuKung|Aug 10 2002, 01:15 PM-->

[deez nuts]

Originally posted by Barbs@Aug 9 2002, 07:56 PM
DATING:

bottom line: guys should pay.

bottom line: girls should OFFER to pay.

bottom line: guys shouldn't actually ACCEPT.

RELATIONSHIPS:

bottom line: it should be about 70-30 or 60-40 depending on personal financial ability.

please just dont' let it be like that man in joy luck club who divided EVERYTHING exactly 50-50. ick.
Ahhhhhhh, thats what I've been doing wrong. When the woman offers, I say sure.

Keep it real peoples, no need for the whole script, we know how most dinner dates gonna play out when the check comes. If you gonna front and offer, I am gonna accept. If you feel the man should pay, don't offer. I'm not down with games.

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by Chasiubao_Boy@Aug 10 2002, 01:25 PM
Originally posted by Barbs@Aug 9 2002, 07:56 PM
DATING:

bottom line: guys should pay.

bottom line: girls should OFFER to pay.

bottom line: guys shouldn't actually ACCEPT.

RELATIONSHIPS:

bottom line: it should be about 70-30 or 60-40 depending on personal financial ability.

please just dont' let it be like that man in joy luck club who divided EVERYTHING exactly 50-50. ick.
Ahhhhhhh, thats what I've been doing wrong. When the woman offers, I say sure.

Keep it real peoples, no need for the whole script, we know how most dinner dates gonna play out when the check comes. If you gonna front and offer, I am gonna accept. If you feel the man should pay, don't offer. I'm not down with games.
hahhahh yeah man, check out my first post on this thread.

but on the other hand, i've had a girl that actually crossed her arms and looked the other way on purpose when she saw the bill coming. that wasn't very nice.

[deez nuts]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Aug 10 2002, 06:43 PM
Originally posted by Chasiubao_Boy@Aug 10 2002, 01:25 PM
Originally posted by Barbs@Aug 9 2002, 07:56 PM
DATING:

bottom line: guys should pay.

bottom line: girls should OFFER to pay.

bottom line: guys shouldn't actually ACCEPT.

RELATIONSHIPS:

bottom line: it should be about 70-30 or 60-40 depending on personal financial ability.

please just dont' let it be like that man in joy luck club who divided EVERYTHING exactly 50-50. ick.
Ahhhhhhh, thats what I've been doing wrong. When the woman offers, I say sure.

Keep it real peoples, no need for the whole script, we know how most dinner dates gonna play out when the check comes. If you gonna front and offer, I am gonna accept. If you feel the man should pay, don't offer. I'm not down with games.
hahhahh yeah man, check out my first post on this thread.

but on the other hand, i've had a girl that actually crossed her arms and looked the other way on purpose when she saw the bill coming. that wasn't very nice.
In all honesty man, I rather get that reaction than a "tee-hee, want me to pay?" It's not nice, but at least that shows me she knows what she wants and what she expects from the guy. I can most definitely respect that.

[Barbs]

Originally posted by Chasiubao_Boy@Aug 10 2002, 07:08 PM
Originally posted by SunWuKung@Aug 10 2002, 06:43 PM
Originally posted by Chasiubao_Boy@Aug 10 2002, 01:25 PM
Originally posted by Barbs@Aug 9 2002, 07:56 PM
DATING:

bottom line: guys should pay.

bottom line: girls should OFFER to pay.

bottom line: guys shouldn't actually ACCEPT.

RELATIONSHIPS:

bottom line: it should be about 70-30 or 60-40 depending on personal financial ability.

please just dont' let it be like that man in joy luck club who divided EVERYTHING exactly 50-50. ick.
Ahhhhhhh, thats what I've been doing wrong. When the woman offers, I say sure.

Keep it real peoples, no need for the whole script, we know how most dinner dates gonna play out when the check comes. If you gonna front and offer, I am gonna accept. If you feel the man should pay, don't offer. I'm not down with games.
hahhahh yeah man, check out my first post on this thread.

but on the other hand, i've had a girl that actually crossed her arms and looked the other way on purpose when she saw the bill coming. that wasn't very nice.
In all honesty man, I rather get that reaction than a "tee-hee, want me to pay?" It's not nice, but at least that shows me she knows what she wants and what she expects from the guy. I can most definitely respect that.
i so knew when i was writing that that i'd get a lot of flack from the guys for that. if i have the ability, i don't mind paying. vice versa for the guys. however, it's nice to see a guy who tries to pay most of the time. maybe it's my pampered princess mentality.

as for separate bank accounts...haven't really thought that far into the future. i think i'd say about 1/2 of each spouse's earnings should go into the joint bank account and another 1/2 into a separate individual account. the joint account should be used for family expenditures whereas the individual accounts are just that: individual.

sorry if this sounds really bitchy but ideally i'd like my future husband to be able to support the family tho. i don't think i could ever marry a man who makes less money than me.

[achtungbaby]

Originally posted by Barbs@Aug 9 2002, 11:56 AM
DATING:

bottom line: guys should pay.

bottom line: girls should OFFER to pay.

bottom line: guys shouldn't actually ACCEPT.

RELATIONSHIPS:

bottom line: it should be about 70-30 or 60-40 depending on personal financial ability.

please just dont' let it be like that man in joy luck club who divided EVERYTHING exactly 50-50. ick.
I definitely agree with your rules for dating, but tend to think they also carry over into the relationship. I guess I'm just an old-fashioned reactionary sexist pig. But girls definitely never mind a generous guy.

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by Chasiubao_Boy@Aug 10 2002, 02:08 PM
Originally posted by SunWuKung@Aug 10 2002, 06:43 PM
Originally posted by Chasiubao_Boy@Aug 10 2002, 01:25 PM
Originally posted by Barbs@Aug 9 2002, 07:56 PM
DATING:

bottom line: guys should pay.

bottom line: girls should OFFER to pay.

bottom line: guys shouldn't actually ACCEPT.

RELATIONSHIPS:

bottom line: it should be about 70-30 or 60-40 depending on personal financial ability.

please just dont' let it be like that man in joy luck club who divided EVERYTHING exactly 50-50. ick.
Ahhhhhhh, thats what I've been doing wrong. When the woman offers, I say sure.

Keep it real peoples, no need for the whole script, we know how most dinner dates gonna play out when the check comes. If you gonna front and offer, I am gonna accept. If you feel the man should pay, don't offer. I'm not down with games.
hahhahh yeah man, check out my first post on this thread.

but on the other hand, i've had a girl that actually crossed her arms and looked the other way on purpose when she saw the bill coming. that wasn't very nice.
In all honesty man, I rather get that reaction than a "tee-hee, want me to pay?" It's not nice, but at least that shows me she knows what she wants and what she expects from the guy. I can most definitely respect that.
actually i like spending money on women (that's probably a bad thing). but i don't know man, you should have seen the look on her face. :ph34r: she might as well have said to me, "i hope you don't expect me to put any money in".

i don't mind if the girl asks to chip in even when she really doesn't want to. she's just being polite, and i appreciate that.

[achtungbaby]

Originally posted by SunWuKung@Aug 10 2002, 12:14 PM
but i don't know man, you should have seen the look on her face. :ph34r: she might as well have said to me, "i hope you don't expect me to put any money in".


Maybe she was upset because the bathroom she retreats to when the bill comes was full.

[SunWuKong]

Originally posted by achtungbaby@Aug 10 2002, 03:31 PM
Originally posted by SunWuKung@Aug 10 2002, 12:14 PM
but i don't know man, you should have seen the look on her face. &nbsp; :ph34r: &nbsp;she might as well have said to me, "i hope you don't expect me to put any money in".


Maybe she was upset because the bathroom she retreats to when the bill comes was full.
hahah the bathroom trick! that's so obvious. but it's all cool i like paying for everything anyway.

[amietron]

Originally posted by Chasiubao_Boy@Aug 10 2002, 06:25 PM
I'm not down with games.
Yeah! Damn those women with their gosh darned games!

[Barbs]

u know what? i don't think there's any double standard b.s. b/c i want to be treated as a woman and not as a man. maybe i'm just spoiled but none of my exes have let me pay for anything. maybe an occasional meal if i insist vehemently. in the end, it's just money.

[princess]

i think its nice if the guy pays once in a while, but i dont mind going dutch.

[artsfartsyjanet]

I don't mind going dutch, paying on a date (which hardly happens when I try), or if the guy pays. One time an ex-bf was trying to make amends with me by paying for my lunch, but I wasn't interested in him that much so I made sure I paid for my own meal. He got pretty pissed about that b/c he knew there would be a slim chance of me seeing him again after that day. :D

[boycott]

First date: Guy pays for dinner if he ever wants relationship to blossom and hopefully girl at least offers to pay or is appreciative instead of thinking it's natural. Next, girl should pay for movie or food and not stand there with her arms crossed like she's displaying her breasts unless she has real big ones worth displaying to say here's how I'm gonna pay you back, see these!
2nd date: Girl offers to pay for dinner. Guy foots everything else.
3rd date: Guy's turn. Girl should be friendlier with guy and more touchy, possibly offering to pay for coffee but Guy pays and she's impressed and he pays for the hotel and she pays him back in the hotel room with her kindness and nakedness.

If a guy or girl is paying for everything, he/she is either stupid or filthy rich or is stupidly spending their filthy rich parents' money and ultimately they get what they deserved; to be used and thrown away unappreciated like birdcage lining.