A Question for Lesbians

[Shogun Empress]

How do you feel about you're woman cheating with a man? What would you do? If my boyfriend cheated on me again, I'd chop his dick off. JK

:biggrin:

[Emperor_Mike]

Perhaps this thread may be better off in the sex/health forum? I mean, about cheating in general right? Or will that dilute the essence of this thread, Empress?

[Faithless]

How do you feel about you're woman cheating with a man? What would you do? If my boyfriend cheated on me again, I'd chop his dick off. JK

:biggrin:
Would a lesbian have an affair with a man? :confused:

[rice cracker]

Maybe she means a lesbian with a bi-sexual, the bi-sexual is the one cheating with the man?

[Faithless]

I figured as much.

In thinking about it, would a lesbian think any differently?

What, because a person is a lesbian, then they don't give a shit about what their partner does?

I would imagine if a lesbian is in a committed relationship, you would expect that person to take offense to their partner's infidelity.

[Green_Circle]

Lesbians usually stick with women but once in a while, with the right guy and planets aligned correctly and moon is waxen....

[moJo]

Lesbians usually stick with women but once in a while, with the right guy and planets aligned correctly and moon is waxen....
how would you know???


In thinking about it, would a lesbian think any differently?

What, because a person is a lesbian, then they don't give a shit about what their partner does?

I would imagine if a lesbian is in a committed relationship, you would expect that person to take offense to their partner's infidelity.
what he said. i can't speak for gay ppl, but how the hell are they different from straight ppl when it comes to committed relationships?

[Green_Circle]

Originally Posted by Green_Circle
Lesbians usually stick with women but once in a while, with the right guy and planets aligned correctly and moon is waxen....

how would you know???

It's not every day, Mo, but once in a while the rules get bent.

[moJo]

It's not every day, Mo, but once in a while the rules get bent.
i don't know why i bothered. never mind.

[myself808]

If you're in a committed relationship, cheating is cheating (without regard to how the planets are aligned:rolleyes:). That being said, Myself would be more pissed if my bf cheated with a woman as opposed to another man, dunno about the womyn

[Faithless]

If you're in a committed relationship, cheating is cheating (without regard to how the planets are aligned:rolleyes:). That being said, Myself would be more pissed if my bf cheated with a woman as opposed to another man, dunno about the womyn
Oo, that's interesting.

What difference does it make if it's a man or woman?

One poses more of a threat?

[myself808]

Oo, that's interesting.

What difference does it make if it's a man or woman?

One poses more of a threat?I guess you can call it that. but it's only my personal, knee-jerk, emotional reaction.

[Shogun Empress]

No one has answered my question. I meant, what would you DO. Not how would you feel. Even though I said I was joking, I really can see myself reaching for the butcher knife. I forgave him once, but if he cheats again... I'm just asking this because I was talking to a friend about what we thought about same-sex marriages and how us hetereosexuals would treat it as...

[kitty]

uhm. i don't get the point of this question. What would you do?

I'm not a lesbian, but I think most people would react similarly -- they would get mad and prolly leave their S.O.

The end. I have never contemplated a butcher knife and castration. That's sick.

[Faithless]

No one has answered my question. I meant, what would you DO. Not how would you feel. Even though I said I was joking, I really can see myself reaching for the butcher knife. I forgave him once, but if he cheats again... I'm just asking this because I was talking to a friend about what we thought about same-sex marriages and how us hetereosexuals would treat it as...
Let me just say this --

No matter how enraged you must feel, if you do reach for and use the butcher knife, and I am sitting as your juror, I won't have any sympathy for you, no matter how wrong I feel affairs are.

You don't own your man. And if the relationship goes sour, then it goes sour. And if you threaten him with a knife, I tennnnnnd to think that it's not going to make things better. :wink:

[kitty]

^-- total agreement.

I just don't see why being a lesbian would make the feeling of emotional betrayal any different. Like.. why is this a question being posed to lesbians?

[kimpossible]

I think I lost precious points of IQ reading some of this. And I can't afford to lose many.

[kitty]

I'd love it if my girlfriend brought home a girl from work or something and we menage et trois-ed it. It's a common male fantasy I've been told.
:biggrin:

*rolls eyes* Is that really necessary?

[Shogun Empress]

I think I lost precious points of IQ reading some of this. And I can't afford to lose many.
:confused: How do you lose IQ points?

[kitty]

why did you address this question particularly to the lesbians?

[Shogun Empress]

why did you address this question particularly to the lesbians?
*shrugs*

I'm not bi-curious. I just wanted to know how women who live alternate lifestyles felt about revenge-oops! I meant cheating...

What would you do? Are you a lesbian?

[kitty]

I'm kind of offended that you think lesbians would have a different outlook on this. Are you implying that lesbians are more hyper-sexualized and thus more forgiving of cheaters? Perhaps that they might be okay with their partner cheating on them with a man because this is the 'natural' thing...?

Being gay isn't like being another species of people -- the only difference between a gay person and a straight person is their sexual orientation.

The reaction of a lesbian to finding their partner cheating will be as varied as asking a number of straight people the same question. Their sexual orientation will probably not factor in one iota. Different people will simply react differently, regardless of being straight or gay.

That being said, you seem very hung up on your revenge scenario (butcher knife?). You should get that checked out -- in all seriousness, that is not healthy. If you are that upset at your s.o. about his cheating on you, why did you 'forgive' him (I don't think you have) and why didn't you just leave him?

[>:^|]

:confused: How do you lose IQ points?

By reading some of these posts.

See, Lesbians are just so darn interesting. Just like the rest of the GLBT population. And then it would be so darn titillating if Lesbians were to post and to talk about how they found their lovers cheating. :^P

Just like when non-Asians come to this and seek out a singular opinion on the Yellow Experience. Because I feel such a solidarity with the Yellow People. We're like the Borg. Linked by one Yellow Mind.

[kimpossible]

Putting this thread out of its misery. Closing.

[kasia]

No one has answered my question. I meant, what would you DO. Not how would you feel. Even though I said I was joking, I really can see myself reaching for the butcher knife. I forgave him once, but if he cheats again... I'm just asking this because I was talking to a friend about what we thought about same-sex marriages and how us hetereosexuals would treat it as...

nobody has answered your question yet b/c none of our lesbian members have responded in this thread.

edit: sorry - didn't know it was closed.

[Chris]

I am reopenign because I have contact one of our lesbian member to answer that question for you. Okiay? No smart aleck response okay? I will delete at will.

[skatergrl]

hi all.......i am lesbian......and what i would do if my significant other cheated on me with the opposite sex.......i would leave her immediately. to me, cheating with someone of the opposite sex is far worse than cheating with another girl. it's hard to explain, but it's almost like competing with the opposite sex. i would have to question whether or not my significant other is truly a full lesbian. and it she is going to cheat on me with a guy, that would prove to me that she is not full lesbian. i can never be serious with someone who is not completely sure that they are full lesbian and only want to be with women. but this is just me......i'm sure others may have a different perspective. hope that answers the question.

[Chris]

thanks so much skatergrl. Shogun can now respond and i will close out the thread.

:)

[skatergrl]

sure thing. no problem!! :wink:

[kasia]

^-- total agreement.

I just don't see why being a lesbian would make the feeling of emotional betrayal any different. Like.. why is this a question being posed to lesbians?

to determine whether or not there is a difference. we can't answer for them.

hi all.......i am lesbian......and what i would do if my significant other cheated on me with the opposite sex.......i would leave her immediately. to me, cheating with someone of the opposite sex is far worse than cheating with another girl. it's hard to explain, but it's almost like competing with the opposite sex. i would have to question whether or not my significant other is truly a full lesbian. and it she is going to cheat on me with a guy, that would prove to me that she is not full lesbian. i can never be serious with someone who is not completely sure that they are full lesbian and only want to be with women. but this is just me......i'm sure others may have a different perspective. hope that answers the question.

and, as it turns out, they do see a difference.

[moJo]

as skatergrl mentioned, ain't this ultimately a question of the certainty of the SO's sexual orientation? isn't the issue less about infidelity but rather, is my partner fully gay?

that said, i'd think the same question could be asked to straight people: what would you do if your SO cheated on you with someone of the same sex?

[kasia]

as skatergrl mentioned, ain't this ultimately a question of the certainty of the SO's sexual orientation? isn't the issue less about infidelity but rather, is my partner fully gay?

that said, i'd think the same question could be asked to straight people: what would you do if your SO cheated on you with someone of the same sex?

but this wouldn't be the proper forum to ask it in. i think this topic was rightfully brought up in this forum. i'm not sure if chris closed this thread, but if he hasn't, i would ask that we please remain on the topic and NOT further discuss the merits of the topic.

[Shogun Empress]

hi all.......i am lesbian......and what i would do if my significant other cheated on me with the opposite sex.......i would leave her immediately. to me, cheating with someone of the opposite sex is far worse than cheating with another girl. it's hard to explain, but it's almost like competing with the opposite sex. i would have to question whether or not my significant other is truly a full lesbian. and it she is going to cheat on me with a guy, that would prove to me that she is not full lesbian. i can never be serious with someone who is not completely sure that they are full lesbian and only want to be with women. but this is just me......i'm sure others may have a different perspective. hope that answers the question.
Wow. You would leave her immediately? I'm guilty of giving my spouses second chances because I believe in forgiveness because breaking up is so hard. I should make another topic for my next question but I won't, I'll just make it a rhetorical question since Hello_Hapa and Chris both want this thread closed. skatergrl, how can you tell if a woman is fully lesbian?

[nola]

It's a double betrayal because not only did she cheat she cheated with a man.

[Chris]

Shogun I am going to respond the since I am gay as well and I would just reverse the sexes. Just because I feel that this is a legitmate question and I hope you understand that people here might be put off by this topic. As we have a lot of close minded people in the past. So I am giving you the benefit of the doubt.

As sktergrl said. I woudl leave my man immediately for that is a double betrayal. A) for sleeping with anntoher person when you are committed to me and b) he lied to me that he only sleep with men. Obviously one lie is bad enough. But two???

Put that in your shoes and tell me that you will not do that if it was in our shoes.

Forgiveness is somethign that is entirely up to you. Everyone is unique.

[Green_Circle]

as skatergrl mentioned, ain't this ultimately a question of the certainty of the SO's sexual orientation? isn't the issue less about infidelity but rather, is my partner fully gay?

that said, i'd think the same question could be asked to straight people: what would you do if your SO cheated on you with someone of the same sex?

If my GF cheated on me with another girl, I'd more readily accept that then if she had cheated on me with a guy. That's more of a no-no in my book.

[skatergrl]

Shogun I am going to respond the since I am gay as well and I would just reverse the sexes. Just because I feel that this is a legitmate question and I hope you understand that people here might be put off by this topic. As we have a lot of close minded people in the past. So I am giving you the benefit of the doubt.

As sktergrl said. I woudl leave my man immediately for that is a double betrayal. A) for sleeping with anntoher person when you are committed to me and b) he lied to me that he only sleep with men. Obviously one lie is bad enough. But two???

Put that in your shoes and tell me that you will not do that if it was in our shoes.

Forgiveness is somethign that is entirely up to you. Everyone is unique.

I couldn't put it any better. My thoughts exactly!!! To be honest...you can't always tell if a girl is full lesbian or not....you just have to go by what they say. Until my gf proves me wrong....meaning cheating on me with a guy, I have no reason to believe that she is not full lesbian, because that is what she tells me. You never really know...unless something happens with that person and the opposite sex. But yes....it's just worse cause it's two lies, not just one. If she was confused and didn't know if she was gay, bi, straight or whatever...I would expect her to tell me that up front, while still dating.....but I would never get seriously involved with anyone that told me they weren't sure if they were full lesbian.

[Faithless]

I don't know if two similar responses make it a definite, but I guess I can understand.

I respect your feelings, BTW, but by converse, I wouldn't be offended by the gender, as much as by lie, itself, about being faithful.

[Irezumi Kiss]

I couldn't put it any better. My thoughts exactly!!! To be honest...you can't always tell if a girl is full lesbian or not....you just have to go by what they say. Until my gf proves me wrong....meaning cheating on me with a guy, I have no reason to believe that she is not full lesbian, because that is what she tells me. You never really know...unless something happens with that person and the opposite sex. But yes....it's just worse cause it's two lies, not just one. If she was confused and didn't know if she was gay, bi, straight or whatever...I would expect her to tell me that up front, while still dating.....but I would never get seriously involved with anyone that told me they weren't sure if they were full lesbian.
I understand that it's the being lied to that's the problem.

Not to possibly sidetrack this topic and you can put it somewhere else if you think it doesn't belong, but do you, skatergrl, (and Chris if you wish) believe that a lesbian/gay person might, down the road, develop a progressive attraction to the opposite sex, as a matter of a turn-on/stimulation and not necessarily being "not" lesbian/gay?

And if that became so, would that still be a "lie," even if the person had said in the beginning "I'm straight up lesbian/gay!"

Just the part about the "double betrayal" had me thinking a little. Because I believe it's possible for a person's sexual dynamic to switch up a bit over time and experience.

[nola]

Have you at times been interested in men, IK?

[kitty]

I personally wouldn't be more threatened if my bg were to cheat on me with a guy versus a girl. It's the same emotional betrayal -- and the gender of the other person wouldn't make it more or less hurtful.

[skatergrl]

I understand that it's the being lied to that's the problem.

Not to possibly sidetrack this topic and you can put it somewhere else if you think it doesn't belong, but do you, skatergrl, (and Chris if you wish) believe that a lesbian/gay person might, down the road, develop a progressive attraction to the opposite sex, as a matter of a turn-on/stimulation and not necessarily being "not" lesbian/gay?

And if that became so, would that still be a "lie," even if the person had said in the beginning "I'm straight up lesbian/gay!"

Just the part about the "double betrayal" had me thinking a little. Because I believe it's possible for a person's sexual dynamic to switch up a bit over time and experience.

I don't believe that if a person if full on gay/lesbian, that they would ever develop a progressive attraction to the opposite sex to a point where they would want to actually hook up with that person. They might find the opposite sex attractive, just physically, but not sexually. But that is just admiring that a person is attractive in general, regardless of gender.

[Irezumi Kiss]

I don't believe that if a person if full on gay/lesbian, that they would ever develop a progressive attraction to the opposite sex to a point where they would want to actually hook up with that person. They might find the opposite sex attractive, just physically, but not sexually. But that is just admiring that a person is attractive in general, regardless of gender.
This, in a way, answers the question that Nola posited to me. I feel similar to this in terms of men — I can see WHY they can be attractive. I can agree on a good looking body, well fit and even in the case of erotica/pornography, yeah, he's got a nice unit.

Interested sexually, like willing to go the whole nine yards in between the sheets? I can't see it for me. I love a woman's body and am stimulated by a woman's body way too much for me to see myself having sex with a man.

I am not turned off nor offended when men hit on me. When I read anthologies of erotic fiction, I don't skip over the gay chapters when I come across them. I've seen men kiss and grope in front of me at parties or bars where the crowd is mixed and not feel like I have to run out of the room or curl my lips in a sneer of disgust.

As a sexual/sensual person I believe that I am more attracted to the sexual/erotic ENERGY of gays and lesbians rather than doing the actual sex itself. And in saying this, some might say, "you're just a queer guy in denial that's scared to fuck a guy." It's kinda hard to say it in words. Like I'm saying, "I'm not gay but I'm not turned off by gays." If you've ever seen the Japanese movie "Okoge" you might get a sense of what I'm trying to put across.

I think our sexualities as individuals are a lot more profound than putting them into compartments and labeling them (idealism rearing its head again here, I know, I know). Maybe it's better said that we just know what feels good to us — and so we seek just that.

[Green_Circle]

IMHO, I think if as I mentioned previously, if my gf had brought a girl home for us to share is one thing. However I think when a guy cheats on his gf but with another guy(guy on guy)I think we may have a serious problem here.
Guys n gals are different. A guy has more (and is driven more) by hormones and testosterone. If a guy started experimenting with guys then his hormones and stuff mixed in with curiosity, will probably spell eventual doom to the GF and their relationship as it were.
He will eventually begin to binge out and explore the whole gay scene.

[frcegrl]

i agree with skatergrl...you can't "tell" if a girl is 100% gay. only they can tell you and that depends on what stage in their lives they're in and what they have experienced. most girls i know, who are honest enough with themselves, can tell me if they're lesbians or bi-sexual.
as to the cheating question...for me, it would bother me much more if it were a guy. but that's an insecurity issue for ME. cheating is cheating and i would be out the door no matter what. but cheating on me with a guy just hurts a little harder.

[nola]

A guy would be worse because it's a kind of betrayal to the lesbian community.